Pain and agony, I've had a taste of it for most of my life.

But not like this, not like this where I feel emptiness wanting to consume me whole or my heart aching, as I wake up and when I go back to sleep at night.

Nothing makes sense right now and my senses have found refuge, in my mixed emotions and thoughts.

I have not spoken much lately. Well 3 weeks to be exact.

Someone took a piece of my heart away from me, my daughter Ulana....My little butterfly.

How is one supposed to really feel at a time like this?

I find it hard to express through words, and silence has been my greatest companion of late. Mica is there, he's always been yet it feels like we are in two different paths, both in thoughts and direction of focus.

One goal remains, however, that we need to get our daughter back, at any cost.

We both have not remained the same after she was gone. I've gone silent and he, he's grown cold. It hurts me to see him hurt and punish himself like this, such guilt and judgement he hangs over his head, it's draining him emotionally, little by little.

I've lost my baby and I'm afraid, sooner, rather than later, I might lose my mate too.

Everything feels too hard to bear, too heavy to carry, and too long to withstand. I'm exhausted from the taunting cries of help from my baby, that I've awakened to, in the middle of the night. I'm barely in my right senses yet I'm still holding on.

I've witnessed mothers losing their babies but the feeling, I never touched it. Now to have the bitter taste of it, the effects have made my world seem so grey, so dull at most.

Niana has also grown silent on me and what troubles me most, are her last words to me. They were words of warning, to protect Ulana, but I could not fully comprehend the heaviness of the words, once I realized what would happen.

Guilt weighs heavily on me.

I should have heard and understood her but I didn't. Now my baby is gone. She is gone.

A sigh takes over my lips as my eyes look around my baby's room. The perfect place for her, meant for her.

She should be here. My baby should be here.

My body grows weak at the sound of those words.

My feet feel heavy, but I pull through my steps towards my rocking chair. I have been trying to hold it in together, to not break, but I feel my shield cracking and my throat tightening. I cover my face with both my hands, trying to take calming breaths but it seems difficult. The longer I try, the more the hidden cry bubbles within my body.

I can just imagine my baby whimpering in the silence, at the lost familiar contact of her mother, to not feel my warmth and my love, the empty feeling has cruelly trampled into my space. We had so little time together, when she came into this world, and only a few had a glimpse of her pure presence.

My baby is gone and nothing seems to make it any better. The confirmation of the days that she has been missing, is a painful reminder of being left incomplete. I want to scream out loud and bear out my pain, but once again, I hold myself back, not wanting to lose it now.

My chest heaves up and down as I desperately try to calm my breathing, air coming in short and limited.

' Don't panic now. Dont panic now.' I continuously speak into mind.

Time passes and then like a dam had broken, a silent cry slips out and tears follow. I feel cold and empty, I need my baby. I need to hold her once again.

In the midst of my cry, the door cracks open but I don't remove my hands.

He's here. My mate is here.

His footsteps, though he tries to quieten them, I can still hear them. He comes closer and once I feel him too close, I remove my hands and look at him. Our eyes lock and everything within us breaks, his shield and my own breaks. I watch him, as no longer an alpha, but a man who breaks down before me, feeling helpless and feeling exhausted.

He falls to his knees before me, head hung low.

" I couldn't find her." He says, voice hoarse.

" Mica..." He shakes his head, silencing me.

He crawls towards me, enclosing the space between us. He rests his head on my lap. " Forgive me Catherine."

His tears wet my dress but I don't care.

I reach out my hand and let my fingers comb through his hair.

" Forgive me my mate, I couldn't find our baby. I couldn't find our Ulana." He whimpers.

I lean down and rest my forehead against his temple, my own cries being in tune with his.

I can't speak, words fail to slip out.

I cry along with my mate.

We are two mates, crying out for our pup.

                        *******

She stands waiting for my answer. We have discussed something and she has opened my eyes and given me an ounce of strength, with the picture of my baby finally being in my arms.

My grandmother has always been my pillar of strength, and to have her here with me, shakens off the blurriness around me, making me to not only want to breathe again, but to gain control of my senses. I need to focus and be in tuned with my senses and my special weapon, mine and Ulana's bond, in order to feel her again.

I had lost my way but it's never too late, this I know. She is still alive, this I am certain of. She needs me just as much as I need her.

Another thing that seems to haunt me, is the fact that she is unwell. She is a three week old baby and already, so much has befallen her. My little butterfly needs her mother's touch.

I take a breath as I trail my fingers along her bed, the one she had no privilege to sleep in.

' Soon, my lovely.' I mentally promise as if she can hear me now.

" You need to talk to your mate my dear." She says.

" I know, but I don't know how."

" You are scared that he will see different." She corrects.

" Yes." I admit.

I turn to her. " I don't want him to hate me."

" He could never hate you." She argues.

" But he could resent my ways and never see me the same."

" Your mate bond is stronger than you think. Don't insult it with words of fear." My breath hitches in my throat and my eyes widen a stretch.

" I could never see limit or doubt in regards to our matebond. I just - I just need him to understand."

" Don't underestimate your mate, my dear. You two have come such a long way, do you possibly think that he isn't fully aware of who his mate is?.... You are unique in your own right, many have failed to understand this, but not your mate. "

I take in her words and let them sink in.

" The alpha needs his mate."

" A mother needs her child." My head snaps to her.

Before I can say anything in response to her words, I feel him. He's returned.

With my eyes, I tell her to please give me space and she agrees without question, my eyes lingering on her retreating back.

I take a breath and go on to take a seat on the edge of the bed.

I wait for him.

A small smile takes over my face when he enters our room, but I know that it doesn't reach my eyes. That's why when he sees me, his own mirrors mine and that's when I understand, that he knows, something is amiss.

Without a word, he comes my way and I rise to my feet with opened arms. I release a shaky breath at the feeling of my mate's embrace. I need it now, more than ever.

He buries his head in the crook of my neck, harsh breaths coming through his nose.

" You need to stop Mica, stop toturing yourself like this." I say, running my fingers through his hair.

He doesn't say anything but I continue to speak. " Hear my words now alpha Mica O'Connell, I will never, even by mistake, ever blame you for what happened." I tell him.

" I dream about her. Every night I see her." He pulls back to look down at me. " I don't want that anymore. I want to feel her in my arms and to never let go of her. "

He cradles my face before leaning in to rest his forehead against mine. " You are my strength baby. I wouldn't have been able to get through this without you."

A pinch so strong hurts my chest.

" We need each other more than ever but we need our baby more." I say, causing him to pull back and to look at me with a small frown.

I take his hand and guide him to sit down on the bed. I stand in between his legs and touch his face.

" Hear my words Mica and store them in your thoughts." I plead.

I take a breath.

" I am the Mystic Range Pack's Luna, your Luna and mate, but I am a mother first, right now."

He opens his mouth to say something but no words come out.

" Ulana comes first. This time she comes first." I say as a tear slips out.

I've reminded him of the words we declared through our matebond, the first night after Ulana was born.

He sighs, though his body grows tense. " What are you saying?"

I gulp before speaking up. " I need to leave."

●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

The first chapter.

Tell me what you think?

This is a snippet of the pain our dear Luna and Alpha are going through, since their Ulana has been abducted.