The next couple of weeks, Noel starts to come over to my house more often, claiming that he just wants to hang out. I let it slide, already knowing that telling him otherwise would have no effect either way anyway. We sit in an amicable silence, doing homework together or watching Netflix shows that we recommend to each other, and although it's strange, it's also nice to know that I have somebody close to me who knows everything about who I am.

After a while, he starts picking me up in the morning and driving me to school, after much begging on his part and firm rejections on mine. I was completely against the idea at first, only because it's something that we used to do together all the time before everything went downhill.

The routine was the same every day. He would come over every afternoon, we would study, and then he'd casually drop the question in a previously-normal conversation.

At the final occasion, he, much to my surprise and amusement, got down on his knees and begged. "Lee, please. It's not that big of a deal. And besides, it makes more sense, don't you think?"

I shake my head, not at all agreeing with this plan of his. I don't even know why he's so set on this. "No, I don't want to. And I don't need to. I have a car for a reason, Noel." And because school is the only place that causes me to leave the house, I should be using that car for school. I've always heard that if you let a car sit for too long, the engine will freeze and decay, and I spent hard-earned money on that car. I actually forced myself to leave the house and make social interactions to raise money.

Noel is adamant, and rolls his eyes. "But we would be helping with the environment! Don't you know anything about climate change?"

He's trying to guilt-trip me. I know what's happening in our climate and as much as I don't like to admit it, his plan is starting to sound more and more viable.

"And besides, it can be like old times," he adds. He must know that that is the completely wrong thing to say because he visibly cringes at my reaction. "I mean—"

"That's the exact reason why I don't like this plan, Noel," I say, shoving the idea away. "I don't need to go over this again with you."

He groans loudly and throws his hands up in the air before running them through his hair. "I'm not trying to get back together with you! No offense, or anything. But that's not what this is."

I stare him down, trying to get him to break and get to the real root of this ordeal. "Then what is it? Why do you want this so badly? It's so stupid."

He looks exasperated but surprisingly manages to keep his temper relatively calm. "Because! Why do you always have to make things so complicated? Can't a friend drive a friend to school? Especially when said friend is on the way anyway. I live just down the street, Lee. You know that."

I can't find any arguments with his reasoning at this point but my heart still votes against it. "Then what about after school? Don't you have football practice or something? What am I supposed to do, stranded at school?"

He shrugs. "You can just wait there with me. Watch the practice. I'm sure the team would really appreciate that," he says knowingly. I sigh. I know what he's talking about. Back when we were together, I would go to every game of his, and at least some of the practices, mostly at Noel's behest. I never found the words to say that I didn't like the way that he was basically forcing me to go, even though I didn't mind most of the time. It was just the principal of it: I shouldn't be forced into doing anything without him even asking for my opinion.

The guys on the team were actually really nice and I had made friends with some of them, surprisingly, for a short while, back when Noel and I had first gotten together. They would tease me lightheartedly and I even shared some inside jokes with them. After the games, we would all have celebratory dinners together and it was one of the only places where I felt like I at least partially fit in. But after we broke up, I never talked to any of them again, for whatever reason, other than minor interactions with Kent. Though really, I have no choice in that matter.

I groan loudly and narrow my eyes at him. "I don't want you to think that this is like old times, okay? That's not what this is," I say, already knowing that I'm going to surrender anyway. Might as well get it over with now.

His eyes light up. "Of course not! We're friends, Lee. I know that."

I close my eyes and sigh. "Fine."

He whoops and pumps his fists, similar to the way he acts after he wins a football game. And although I don't fully understand the reasoning behind the extent of his happiness, I can't help from smiling at his obvious exuberance.

From then on, he picks me up every morning. The first time he stopped by, my mother almost had a heart attack when she opened the door while I was still upstairs getting ready.

"Lisa! Come down here!" she calls, her voice sounding panicked. I quickly grab a jacket and my backpack and rush downstairs.

"What's wrong, Mom?" I call. "Are you okay?"

When I reach the bottom of the stairs and see what's gotten her shook up, I breathe a sigh of relief. "Mom, it's okay." Noel is standing on our front doorstep, his hands in his pockets and his hair ruffled at the top adorably. His hair always was so messy. I smile at him just a bit and turn back to my shocked mother.

"Honey? Are you okay? Can you see all right?" she asks in utter disbelief as she reacts to my nonchalance towards my ex-boyfriend. She is one of the only people who knows about the nights I spent crying for weeks after our breakup, and the clear aftershocks of heartbreak on my already-depressed state. I completely forgot to tell her about the new arrangement, and I want to facepalm at my clear idiocy.

"Yes, Mom. It's okay. Noel is just going to be taking me to and from school from now on. You know. Save the air," I say halfheartedly, smiling a bit before regretting it as Noel smirks from behind my mother's turned back. Great, now I'm using his points to explain myself. I glare at him and add, "We're just seeing how it goes for now, though."

She looks at me, studying my expression to see if I've somehow been spelled or seduced by my ex-boyfriend who's caused more pain in my life than anybody, including my dad. Finally, she resigns and sighs. "Okay... But remember, Lee, be careful." She turns to him. "If you ever hurt my daughter again, you'll be sorry." The already-non-threatening words sound comedic coming from my tiny-framed mother, who's even shorter than vertically-challenged me. But Noel nods without a hint of a smile on his face, standing straighter and slicking his hair back as best as he can.

"Never again," he says, looking serious. "I will never hurt her like that again."

I want to believe him so badly.

He turns to me before I can think on it anymore. "Ready?" he asks.

I take a deep breath and nod. This is ridiculous. It's a ten minute to drive to school maximum, and yet my stomach is turning like it did on our first date.

Not that this is anything like that. Far from it.

I force myself to stop overthinking and quickly start walking towards him.

"Let's go!" he says, leading me outside and to his car. Before I go, I turn back and hug my mom.

"I'll be okay," I say quietly, hoping with everything in me that the words I'm saying are true.

"You'd better be," she says. My brothers come up behind her, distracting her as she turns to go inside and get them ready for school.

"Bye, Pete, bye, Landon," I say to them before leaving. They wave and scamper inside, looking for breakfast, I would assume.

Sitting in the passenger seat of Noel's car feels strange and too familiar at the same time. He turns to me, smiling just a bit at me. "You good?" he asks before turning on the engine.

I nod. "Yeah." It's not a lie this time. The memories of this car are all rushing back, and they're all happy. I shrug at him when he stares at me, just to make sure, before he nods and turns on the engine, pulling out of the driveway and taking me to school.

The car ride is simple, and lighthearted. There are so many things that I want to talk about, but I don't say anything, enjoying a rare moment of silence.

When we arrive, he easily finds a parking space, something that I'm greatly envious of, and we head inside. Luckily, there aren't too many people here yet, so nobody questions the fact that I just got out of my ex-boyfriend's car, a person who I've voiced hatred towards multiple times at school.

"You ready?" he asks as we're walking to school.

I stare up at him, my neck craning. I forgot that he was so tall. "Yeah."

Today is a good day. It's going to be a good day.

He pulls open the door for me and I smile at him. He never did that when we were together. All I ever wanted was for him to treat me the way he's treating me now. I can't help but feel like maybe it's all an act, like maybe it's all fake just to try to get me back, only to hurt me again in the worst way possible. I have a feeling that a second time would be worse than the first, because I'm still slightly vulnerable.

But he claims that we're just friends and it's only fair that I trust him on that. I have always lacked in trust, and it's time that I start changing that.

We head inside, and start to part our separate ways to Homeroom. The only class that I share with Noel is physics, and that confuses me. "Why were you going the opposite way to class?" I ask him, just as he's about to turn right at the end of the hallway.

He looks at me, obviously confused. "What?"

I clarify. "That day, when you crashed into me."

He must remember because he grins suddenly. "Oh, I just wanted to talk to you again. Sorry about that, by the way."

I stare at him incredulously. "What? And you figured that the best way to talk to me was to give me a concussion?"

He looks pained and holds his hands up in the air. "I never meant for you to fall." He smiles a bit. "I forgot how clumsy you are."

I roll my eyes. "As if anybody could forget that." There's an awkward silence, and I force myself to say the words that I want to say. "Well... I'm glad that happened. I'm glad that we're friends again."

His face breaks into a wide smile, and he nods, walking away still smiling. The expression on my face doesn't quite mirror his: the smile is more docile, demure, but I'm happy nonetheless.

The class goes by quickly. Noel and I sit next to each other in Physics, much to the annoyance of a girl, Zara Holden, who has had her eyes on him ever since he announced our split so publicly. I want to tell Zara that she can have him if she wants, and that I don't like him like that anymore, but the glares that she is giving me warn me to stay away or be eaten alive. I look to Noel but he doesn't even seem to notice Zara, and I want to roll my eyes at his obliviousness. When he turns to look back at me, feeling my stare, he just grins and goes back to taking notes.

The day flashes by, and soon it's time for lunch. I'm more than scared for it because I don't know the new arrangements, what with being friends with Noel again. Will he sit with us today? Will he want to eat with us, considering that he's friends with the most popular people in the school? Will Ali let him stay if he does?

The questions riddle the insides of my body and by the time I'm holding my tray of food, I am hit with a wave of nausea and lightheadedness. The questions eat away at my anxiety until finally, seeing Noel is a strong relief. He waves me over to where he's standing by the door of the cafeteria.

"Do you want to eat with my friends today?" he asks, pointing to his table. It's mostly the football team and although they're nice, I don't know how to reintroduce myself into their group. I don't want to know what kind of statement that would make.

My heart thuds. Out of all the possible scenarios that I was expecting, I didn't think that he would make me eat with his friends again, like I used to.

I stare at him. "Um..."

He must notice how uncomfortable the idea if making me because he quickly backtracks. "Or I can eat with you guys?"

"Is that okay with you?" I ask. I don't want to make him resent me. I don't want to feel the way that I did when we were together, as if I were sometimes a burden to him and a barrier between his elite world and mine.

"Of course. Why not?" he asks.

I take a deep breath. Why not.

We walk outside, headed to the usual place on the field that my friends and I eat. Ali and Ashton are already there and I take several calming breaths, readying myself for Ali's inevitable attack. When she sees us approaching, and she sees Noel and I not fighting, her mouth drops open. It would be comical if she didn't look ready for the fight of her life.

"Lisa? Why is he here?" she asks immediately, as soon as we're within hearing distance. She doesn't mention him by name but instead points to the person in question and narrows her eyes at him.

I shrug. "Why can't he be here?"

She looks at me, agog. "What?" she asks. Her eyes dart back and forth between me, Ashton, and Noel, as if she's trying to make sense of it all. "But he's—"

"Babe. Just let them be. It's obviously not hurting Lisa, so it's okay," Ashton says from behind her, stepping into the picture. He wraps his arm around her waist and leads her back down to the grass, an admirable and risky movement considering how dangerous she looks.

We move to sit, and Noel wisely chooses a place farther away from Ali. I smile a little at him and then start eating.

There's a strange tension over our group. I am a person of conflicted emotions. For one, I'm glad to not be third-wheeling anymore like I usually am. As much as I love Ali and Ashton, having to bear witness to the saccharine aspects of their relationship sometimes makes me more uncomfortable than necessary. Nobody in our group is talking, though, and I'm never one to start a conversation so we eat in strained silence.

I've always heard of the term "comfortable silence" where a group of people can share a moment or two of silence and live in a friendly and calm atmosphere. The silence that has befallen our group is the exact opposite. I can hear Ali straining to burst and ask all the questions that I know she wants to ask and beat down Noel. Ashton looks ready to restrain her if necessary, and Noel looks out of place.

I lean over to whisper to him, "Do you want to leave?"

He shrugs, not wanting to be rude, I suppose. "If you're comfortable here, then it's fine."

I don't know how to respond. I should be comfortable with my friends; this should be my school sanctuary. But right now, I feel anything but. "I mean, if you're okay with that. Do you want to just walk around?" I ask.

He grins and nods. I stand and he follows suit. Ali stares at me, obviously wanting to say something, but she wisely keeps her mouth shut. Surprisingly, we're gone before a single word comes out of her. I need to tell her about my pride in her improvements towards her self-control.

We walk around the school for the rest of lunch. We never used to do this. I was always surrounded by other people, and when we were alone, it was at a quiet place, like the movie theatre or a fancy restaurant. We never really talked in our time together, and I'm starting to regret that as we carry on with several conversations. In the years we were together, I think it would have been nice to have these types of friendly debates with each other. It might have increased the levity of our relationship, something that needed, especially in the most heated moments.

"Will you come to the game tonight?" Noel asks suddenly. "It's the first one of the season."

I mentally debate the idea of a football game. I suddenly feel reminiscent of my past, remembering the games I attended and the after-dinners at the local pizza place. I shrug. "Do you really want me there?" I ask. Before, I always felt like I was there just because Noel wanted somebody there that was only there for him. He always felt out of place at parties; while the rest of the team brought their girlfriends, I always chose to stay home. He never really said anything about it, but I could tell he was always disappointed.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" he asks.

"Because. I'm me. And you obviously thought that she was better." I don't specify who I'm talking about; it's obvious and he knows because he gives me a pained look.

"It has nothing to do with that, Lee. I'm sorry about that. If I could turn back time, I would change everything." He sounds genuinely apologetic and I decide not to pursue the topic further and ruin the friendly atmosphere we had created. He also must choose to move on because he smirks.

"I can take you home after dinner," he says.

I roll my eyes. "How do you know you'll win?" I ask. They only have dinners after successful games. It would be quite a pity party if we all went out after a loss.

He winks. "I just know."

I sigh. "There's no getting out of this, is there?"

"Nope." He grins, knowing that he's won. I begrudgingly agree to go to the game, as well as his practice before, seeing as he's my ride home.

That afternoon, I watch as he easily catches and passes the football around the field. After practice, he has two hours before the official game starts, and he takes me to a little cafe close to the school that we used to go to for breakfast sometimes.

We both choose roast beef sandwiches and iced tea, though it's completely unplanned. We eat slowly, savoring the time of peace before the exciting and obstreperous atmosphere of the football game. I text Ali and ask her and Ash to come, and she agrees reluctantly, telling me she wants to be there to protect me. I roll my eyes but don't respond to her message.

We head back to the school and Noel gets redressed in his uniform. After, he leads me to a bench right behind the team that's slightly raised, giving me the best view of the game. This is mainly known as the 'girlfriend's bench' where the team lets their respected girlfriends sit, but he insists that it's not like that.

I scroll through my social media as I wait for the game to start. Ali and Ashton meet me, loaded with popcorn and sodas, though they sit in the row behind me, considering that they're not dating anybody on the team.

When the game starts, I put my phone away and rise with the rest of the crowd. Though I'm not a loud person, I cheer as best as I can when Noel comes running out, last because he's the quarterback. He grins widely and points straight at me, which reminds me of when we were dating. He always had to establish me as his girlfriend, and though it's not the same, I smile at him, not letting it get to me.

The game starts, and though I don't completely understand all of what's going on, years and years of attending games has taught me enough information to understand the general idea. I know that Noel is playing better than he ever has before, and I can't help but be proud of him.

At halftime, the team have a meeting in front of where I'm sitting. The coach hypes them up and Noel grins at me. He walks over, taking a swig of water. "Hey, how are you?"

"Good," I say. I check the time, and motion him back. "Shouldn't you be heading back out there soon?"

He nods. "Probably. I just wanted to check in. I know how sometimes you don't like big crowds." There's no judgment in his voice and I smile at him.

"Well, I'm okay today. Now please hurry up and win already!" He grins and whoops and runs out onto the field.

The game ends with a victory, just as Noel predicted. "I told you!" he screams, picking me up and slinging me over his shoulder. I laugh as he carries me to the rest of the team, who are screaming and partying.

He lets me down and screams with the rest of the boys. They look at me and whoop. "Come on, Lee! Scream!" they urge.

I roll my eyes, and then let out the loudest cheer I ever have. They all shout louder and pump their fists. Soon, the team reunites with their girlfriends and we all head to the pizza place that we always go to. I say goodbye to Ali and Ashton, who decline an invitation from one of the boys on the team. Then I follow Noel to his car and get in the car. I'm breathless from excitement and happiness, as well as relief that they ended up winning.

At the pizza place, I share a pepperoni and Italian sausage pizza with Noel, though I snag a slice from the Hawaiian pizza that Kenton and a boy named Peter got. Noel wrinkles his nose at me in disgust.

"Pineapple does not belong on pizza," he proclaims. I roll my eyes, already bracing for the arguments to come.

Instantly, everybody starts shouting their opinions about pineapple on pizza and I grin. Boys. We love them, we hate them, but either way, it's rare that they ever make sense.

The night ends with a loud school chant and I head back to Noel's car. "This was fun," I say. It reminds me of what we used to be, and I can't help but smile.

Then I pull out my phone and suddenly I am frozen. The smile is wiped off of my face and my voice disappears.

When I catch sight of the headline, my stomach drops and I physically force myself not to vomit in Noel's car. Tears emerge from my eyes and silently drip down my cheeks. I can't force myself to say anything, can't force myself to show any emotions. My body is catatonic and my thoughts are sluggish, lost in a haze of confusion and denial.

Noel looks over and instantly breaks, hard enough to make me jut forward in the seat. I don't make any motion to return back to normal. I can't.

Noel pulls over to the side of the road quickly and reaches over and reads the news that has changed the course of my life forever, and his mouth drops open. He unbuckles his seatbelt and encroaches me with his arms, bringing me to his chest in a friendly embrace. "Oh my God. Jesus Christ. God, Lee. Lisa. Please. Breathe, it's going to be okay." He rocks me back and forth just slightly, enough to bring some motion back into my body.

"She's dead." A strangled cry.

And then the words fully hit me, and a twisted gasp escapes me as the world goes black around me.

who's dead?

what happened?

thanks for reading! please comment, vote, and share!!

malaynaturally xx