Chapter VIII . . . sunday punch

Pandora has officially begun studying for N.E.W.T.s, so Regulus figures he must, too. Though Merlin knows what the necessity is; he has a fortune to inherit, come the untimely death of his mother and father, so why should he need to study and find a career? No reason. It's pointless. As are standardized tests in the Wizarding world.

But a studying Pandora is a non-talkative Pandora, even when she isn't actively sitting in the library and is on a mandatory Regulus-enacted break.

"Come on," he says, nudging her with his shoulder. It's a Hogsmeade weekend, so practically the entire castle is out and about on the town. Reg and Pandora, however, are two of the three people perusing the Magic Neep, including the old wizard manning the till. "Pandora, take a break. We're not even in the castle anymore."

"Mm." She has her nose in a book, head down as she somehow seamlessly navigates the overstocked aisles of the greengrocer. As she moves, she picks up veggies and seeds without looking at them, dumping the collections into the basket in the crook of Regulus's arm.

Regulus rolls his eyes, nearly falling forward as he trails behind her. "Pandora, I'm bored."

"I expect you've many ways to entertain yourself," she hums without turning around. She picks up a bud and tosses it over her shoulder, so that Regulus must duck to catch it in his basket. "I'm fine doing my shopping alone."

"But then I'll go off and be bored alone," he points out, crossing his arms and leaning against a stand as Pandora pauses to inspect a bundle of blue seeds. "Why should I do that when I could be complaining in your ear all day?"

"Don't you have a girlfriend now?" she asks blithely, shooting him a look. "Go and bother her, the poor soul."

"I don't!" he protests, but it's fruitless. Pandora is about as stubborn as a mule when she's made up her mind.

"Aurora's got another idea," she says. "Told me you and Lyra were all over the castle week before last, practically parading each other around arm-in-arm. She told the entire Ravenclaw tower about it a few nights ago."

Regulus scoffs, giving her what he's sure is an unconvincing look of disbelief. "We were not arm-in-arm. And she isn't my girlfriend! Don't listen to a word that gossip Sinistra tells you."

Pandora lifts her shoulders. She keeps traipsing on, and for a while she doesn't say anything else. Then she carries on like the conversation never ended, like the lull never occurred.

"You're no good for her, anyway."

Regulus blinks, affronted, stopping in his tracks. But Pandora keeps going, so he follows after her with a bit more urgency than before. "What?"

She shrugs innocently. "I've been getting to know her, like you asked so long ago—"

"I didn't ask—"

"—and she's a remarkably lovely girl," Pandora says, finally turning to face Regulus. The shop is nearly entirely empty, but with the superfluous greens and flowers trailing across narrow aisles, it feels full. Stuffy. "She's kind, she's funny, and she's got a lot going on at home with her parents."

Regulus wants to pry about that last bit, but he's feeling too defensive now. "What, do you fancy her too? Come off it, Pandora, it's not like I'm no good, and you know it—"

"I just think she deserves better," Pandora says patiently, shutting her eyes at once. She doesn't like it when Regulus raises his voice. "I think she deserves much better than a blood purist whose beliefs line up directly with, and are as dark as, the mark on his arm."

All at once, it feels as though the air has been sucked out of the Magic Neep and the floor has disappeared beneath Regulus's feet. He feels himself pale.

"Pandora..." He can't find words. "Y–You know—?"

"Of course I know," she says, and now she's losing her patience. "I'm frankly hurt you lot think Dorcas and I so... so dull; so daft we wouldn't notice. You disappear over the holiday, you don't return any of my owls, you come back to school with some sort of dark cloud hanging over your head, and suddenly you're avoiding Barty and Evan like the plague. I may be airy at sometimes, Regulus, and I may say things that sound odd to you, but I'm not dense, and I hate that you think of me that way."

Regulus is lost for words now, completely stuck stammering and searching Pandora's face. She looks as she does when she's about to cry, and he hates that—he hates that he's the cause of it.

"Pandora," he says, and it comes out weak. A whisper of a word. "Pandora, I'm so sorry. I don't think you dense. I didn't mean..."

But the words die on his tongue. What didn't he mean? Of course he didn't want it to get back to her, but he hates the fact that he even lied to her in the first place.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he decides. Her lower lip quivers, and something inside of him twists. "Pandora, please, I'm so sorry—"

"I'm not an idiot, Regulus," she says. For someone who is so obviously on the verge of tears, Regulus has to hand it to her—she's able to keep her voice remarkably steady. "Why would you lie to me, anyway? I thought there weren't supposed to be any secrets between us."

"There isn't," he says, practically pleading now. "There's not! I'm—I'm sorry, Pandora, I didn't want to lie, but I thought it.. I thought it would hurt more, if I told you."

She shakes her head, swallowing thickly. "It hurts more to know that my best friend and my brother were both hiding such a big secret from me, like I'm something that needs protecting. I can handle the truth, Regulus. I'm not a delicate little flower. I can handle it."

"I know you can," he whispers, and now he's glad of the privacy the Magic Neep aisles provide, because it feels like they're the only people in the store. They're being so quiet, though, that they may as well be the only people in the world now. "I'm sorry for lying, Pandora. You deserved to know."

She swallows again and sniffs, nodding her head a bit harder than she usually does as if to clear it. "Yeah. Yeah, I did. But I don't... I'm not mad, if that's what you were worried about, Regulus. I know it isn't your fault. It isn't Ev's and it isn't Barty's and it isn't yours."

Now Regulus is the one in danger of crying. He shuts his eyes, lowering his head to the ground. His voice comes out weak. "Then whose is it, Pandora?"

He's surprised to feel her arms around him, library book she'd only just been so infatuated with be damned. She holds Regulus as though nothing is different between them now, as though they are just two friends who need each other so badly in a time like this. And they are, aren't they?

Regulus hates that he's crying now. He wraps his arms around Pandora, sure that he is shaking with suppressed tears. She doesn't say anything to him, and he doesn't, either, but it feels nice to be known. To be heard.

"I don't want it," he whispers, some time later when they're on their way back up to the castle. He doesn't look at her, but he can feel her eyes on him. "I don't want to be one of them. I can't get rid of it, though. I'm stuck."

Her answer comes a few paces later. "Why do you have to get rid of it to be free?"

The question is so simple, Regulus is sure it's been right in front of his face for so long now. It pokes him between the eyes as if to say, Look up, Regulus. Here's the answer. You don't have to be trapped if you don't want to be.

"You're right," he murmurs, thoughtfully. He isn't crying anymore, and there's a bitterness inside of him now. He is angry. He is regretful and needs to let it out. He needs to destroy what the Dark Lord stands for, so nobody else falls victim like Regulus has.

And it's so simple, how a flicker becomes a spark. So quick, how an idea becomes a belief. So... so unavoidable, how a person changes his mind.

Regulus never appreciated that before, the ease with which you can just—shift. It's imperceptible to anyone but him, but it's happened, and now, there is no going back.

"So... she knows."

Evan's voice is dry. He doesn't look pleased to be hearing this from Regulus, but, hey, Regulus wasn't pleased to hear it from Pandora.

"Yeah." Regulus runs a hand down his face. "She's known all along, her and Dorcas."

Barty exhales the air from his cheeks and leans back so his head knocks against the poster of his bed. "Christ. I had no idea. Neither of them acted any different around us, did they? I mean, I'd expect that of Pandora, but.. Cas? Isn't she friends with your brother, Reg?"

Regulus doesn't reply, his head buried in his hands. He just needs a moment to himself before he can face it.

As soon as he and Pandora had returned to the castle, she bade him goodbye and headed off to greenhouse three to drop off what she had picked up from the greengrocer. It was true, what Barty said—there was no trace of resentment or anger from the Lovegood, beyond the little spout she and Regulus had shared in the shop. She seemed to have forgiven him with ease. Was he some sort of blessing to be around, or something? What was it with all these girls forgiving him for his awful actions so quickly?

Well, he doesn't want to question it anymore than he already did. Pandora is practically his sister, and he's just grateful he didn't burn the bridge between them over the branding on his arm. Especially since he regrets it more than anything he's ever done in the rest of his life.

Dorcas, though... well, she's a different story. Because, again, Barty was right; she is friends with Sirius. She does run with that crowd that calls themselves the Order of the Phoenix. They're dedicated entirely to taking down the Dark Lord, aren't they? Why would Dorcas sit by and let three Death Eaters snake on by her?

No, not Death Eaters. Three Marked. Regulus is not a Death Eater and never will he be.

"I don't..." Evan shakes his head. He still seems to be processing everything, which is odd, for someone as quick as Evan usually is. "I just don't understand. Pandora just doesn't care?"

"Oh, she made it very clear she cares," Regulus corrects, lifting his head now. He leans back until he's lying down on his bedspread. "She just isn't angry with us, is all. That doesn't surprise me, either."

"But Dorcas," Barty says, appalled at the idea. "Dorcas Meadowes! When have we ever known her to ignore things? She's the biggest instigator we know!"

"Maybe she doesn't know about me and you, Barty," Evan says quietly. "Maybe she only knows about Regulus, and that's... Maybe that's why she hasn't said anything."

The temperature in the dormitory seems to drop ten degrees all at once.

Regulus sits up on his bed slowly, looking to Evan with a furrow in his brow. "What," he says, quietly—deadly, "are you getting at, Rosier?"

Evan spreads his hands. "I'm only laying out the facts here, Regulus."

Barty glances between the two of them like he's watching a tennis match.

"And what are the facts?" Regulus asks, raising his eyebrows. "That Dorcas is using me to get information for the Order?"

"I didn't say that," Evan says calmly, though his eyes are dark. "I only pointed out the fact that she hasn't outed any of us yet, and maybe that has to do with you and your brother. It's not that farfetched, when you really look at it—"

"You think Sirius is protecting me from the other side, then?" Regulus demands, his voice cold. "You think I'm only still here at school because my big brother hasn't said the word, because he still thinks there's good in me?"

"I only asked because we all know Cas would have said something by now. You're putting words in my mouth, Regulus."

"I'm just reading between the lines. You think I'm—what, that I'm a traitor, or that I'm being used by the Order against my will? Make up your mind, man, which is it?"

"Regulus," Barty warns, standing now, carefully placing himself between the two.

Regulus ignores him. "No, I want to know. You think I'm a spy, then, Evan? Is that it?"

"I never fucking said—"

"I didn't tell Pandora that we all have the mark!" Regulus is shouting now, sure, but Evan is trying to place all the blame on him and he feels like a caged animal. He needs to lash outward, so he doesn't collapse in on himself. "I didn't tell her! Is that what you want to hear, Evan? That your sister found out all on her own 'cause she's smarter than you ever gave her credit for—?"

Evan's eyes flash. "We all decided it was better if she didn't know, and now you come crashing in, telling us she's known the whole time? It's suspicious, isn't it, Barty? That Mr. Best-Mates-With-My-Sister ends up being the one who heard it? Isn't it convenient?"

"I didn't tell her!" Regulus bursts out, and now Barty really has to be the mediator because he's pushing against Regulus with his arm and Evan is trying to get closer and in the back of his mind Regulus knows that it is such a good thing that neither of them started this conversation with their wands in their hands. "I didn't tell Pandora, okay, Evan? I didn't tell anyone, because that's what we agreed on, but now they know, and we have to figure out what to do with ourselves—"

"I know what we do," Evan fires back, whirling on Regulus. "We turn in whichever one of us defected!"

Yeah, Reg thinks, come closer now. I need to get my anger out now and you're the best punching bag I've ever seen.

"So you do think I'm a spy! I knew it—I knew you never trusted me—"

"You're a bloody idiot if you think I ever did," Evan spits. "I always knew, Black! Like brother, like brother!"

That's all he needs. Regulus throws the first punch. Barty is about as helpful as a fly on the wall, because Evan and Regulus both need to hurt the other, and there is no stopping them. Either of them. Fists fly and knees jerk and faces are punched like there's no tomorrow.

Regulus sees red.

Evan accused him of being a spy. Though Regulus isn't exactly sure just what he is yet, he does know that Evan was on the right track, and that. That was what scared him. Nobody can know. Nobody can even suspect, because then he's a dead man walking.

Luckily, when Regulus gets a good throw and knocks him clean to the floor, he knows that Evan will definitely not be doing any suspecting anytime soon. At least, not until he wakes up.

He's lucky she's at the first place he tries, because he doesn't know how much he has left within him if he had to try and track her down across the entire castle. Lyra North is a ghost, but Regulus is so, so thankful she hasn't gone with the wind today.

She turns around when she hears him coming, a smile already on her face because nobody else comes down to the edge of the forest except for them.

The smile melts when she sees the state he's in.

"Christ, Regulus," she says, and her hands are on his face in an instant. Worry clouds her expression and wrinkles her brow. She's dressed too warm for the weather in late February, in a thick jumper and jeans, so her hands are warm. "What happened?"

He turns his head away from her to spit blood onto the ground. Everything about him hurts, but now that she's touching him, it feels beneath him. He's forgotten about his pain because her hands are magic.

And he knows, now, that there is nothing to hide. He tried to hide it from Pandora, and look where that got him. He hid it from Evan and Barty, and now he is bloody and bruised. He can't hide anything else—he's pretty positive it'll kill him.

So he lays his cards out on the table, because if there's anyone in the world that Regulus Black can trust, it's Lyra North. And he needs some of her word games now, he thinks.

He tells her everything. His mother and father. His brother. His decision to get the Mark, then how he realised it wasn't his decision at all, but all orchestrated by his parents. His hatred of everything around him. His fury with himself. His guilt for keeping it all secret, both from Pandora and from Lyra. His fight with Evan.

He tells Lyra his entire story of destruction, and he ends it by telling her how he is going to fix it.

"I can destroy this locket," he says when he's finished, and though he knows he must look a bloody mess, he can still hear the lick of excitement his tone is holding. The adrenaline that is filling him at the possibility of bringing down the Dark Lord, reuniting Voldemort with mortality once again. "If I destroy it, I'm almost positive he'll be human again. I can—I can kill him, Lyra. I can be free, this way."

She listened the whole way through, barely taking her eyes off of him as he spoke, following along his path as he broke it all down and laid it all out for her.

Now, she looks up to Regulus again, and the distance between them has never felt so small. He holds his breath, because he has never been able to read her, and he wishes now more than ever that she showed her heart on her sleeve.

She inhales sharply through her nose and nods resolutely.

"If you're doing this," she says, finally, holding both his hands before herself, "then I'm helping you."

Regulus's veins rush with relief. "You don't—You don't think I'm mad? Or.. or a horrible person? I have the Mark, Lyra."

"I know," she says simply. She stands on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his nose, and though it hurts like hell, he doesn't wince. "I'm saying, I don't care. We're going to take down Voldemort if it's the last thing we do, darling. You and me."

Her words hit him, and he inhales softly, a ghost of a smile flickering across his face. He nods.

"You and me."

Author's Note

i'm so normal about and can be trusted with the year 1979 in marauders era content