If someone told me that I would have a gorgeous man who was older than me as my lover and not a mature woman with good Christian values who would provide me with children, I would take it as a joke and lecture them.

If someone told me before that I will be the one to be fondled inside and not the other way around I would laugh at them and pray for their tainted souls.

But now, even if someone accused me of performing sexual actions with another man, I would merely smile at them and tell them how true they are. How could I lie about it with a blushing face and a stuttering sentence? I would be caught in an instant. I stared at the ceiling, still feeling the aftermath of the climax. I have never thought being touched back there could feel so...good. It felt so addicting.

My relaxed state was then replaced with embarrassment when I recalled being caught by Mister Wall while I fingered myself. I don't know what you call it so fingering seemed to suit the action.

I covered my face with a pillow and bit it from the shame I was feeling. It was just that Mister Wall was taking so long and I felt hot. I was too shy to come out and ask for him because Samael and Caleb were still there.

My sane self was now remembering all the shameful and lustful acts of the sexually driven Keetan. How could I ever live normally?

Oh no...

When I recovered from my own torture, I hugged the pillow in my chest and closed my eyes. I was still naked in sir's bed. It was another Monday morning with me being absent again.

How shall I excuse myself if the Principal called the attention of Derek and Samantha again?

"Oh I'm sorry for my habitual absences. I was just doing butt activities with my teacher. It's not what you think! He was only teaching me the anatomy and physiology of the anus, prostate and the rectum. I asked him to state the parts while touching me inside since I learn best if I experience it. It turns out that the butt is not only a one way pathway. You should try it sometimes, sir!"

He'd be horrified.

"You seem to be enjoying yourself," a voice, not from Mister Wall, came out of nowhere. I sat up and snapped my gaze to the man standing at the balcony doors of sir's room.

"Raphael," I murmured in shock. How did he get here? Where had he been? The last time I saw him, he was sitting with me in church while I watched the violence of nature in front of me.

Raphael had his arms crossed in front of him. He was wearing what seemed to be sleeveless silver armor that showed his thick muscular arms.

"What...what are you doing here? What are you?"

The silver haired man grunted and narrowed his eyes at me. "Disappointment is an understatement to describe our Lord's emotions. You betrayed Him Keetan. You let Him down. You do know the consequences of your abominable actions, right?"

His words were like an arrow to my chest. Hearing this still affected me.

"I know that Raphael...I just...I just want to be happy," I stated, not looking at him.

"True happiness can be attained with sacrifice. True happiness is in heaven, Keetan. How can you replace our Lord with him? How can you love someone more than our Lord?" He questioned.

The shame I felt slowly turned into anger.

"Your sorrows shall be replaced with true joy if you just stayed loyal to Him. Come back and serve Him. It's not too late to turn away from your sins," he said calmly now. He began to step closer to the bed. My anger bubbled from his words but there was a part of me considering what he had said. However, even if I was considering it...the thought of living without sir was painful.

I don't want to go back.

I don't want to stay away from sir.

I don't want to be lonely again.

I closed my eyes, breathing in and out to calm me down.

Why can't I be happy?

An image of sir flashed inside of my mind. Why was he here trying to guilt me in so that I'd return? I was already adjusting. I was ready to throw everything just for sir and yet He sent Raphael just to ruin my mind.

The thought of living a life that was forced to me was agonizing. I could no longer bear it. It was too late to convince me now. It was too late to destroy what I feel for sir.

Why destroy love if God is love? Why set an order to prohibit a man loving another man? Why did He have to make a brain that comprehends and a heart that could feel if He wanted us to submit to Him completely?

Why give the privilege to humans to choose their own paths when He knew that if they chose a path that contradicted His, they would not be saved?

Why did love have to be so complex?

Why did I have to fall in love?

I wanted to be with sir. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. With these thoughts a resolution was born within me. I'll do what makes me happy.

"Leave me alone..." I gritted out. I wiped my eyes, darting my hardened gaze at Raphael who halted in his steps when he saw the look I gave him. "Allow me to be happy for once."

The mysterious being stood still, analyzing me with his calculating eyes. "What is he to you, Keetan?"

A shaky smile formed on my lips.

"Sir is my true happiness. No one can tell me what my true joy is because it is only I who can be the judge of my own blissfulness. If loving him is a sin then so be it, let me sin. This is my life and my own damnation. I want to be happy when I die rather than to be lonely and regretful once my last breath comes."

Raphael looked down despondently but then his woeful expression was once again hardened when he looked at me. I didn't mind the growing tension in the room. "You are a fool then...just like the other four men I know. God is absolute and that will never change. You fight for the wrong cause. You fight for the wrong love."

Raphael turned around and sighed. It was a sigh that seemed to be too exhausted...too hurt. "Are your words the truth?" I questioned. He turned his head to look at me.

"What?"

"Your words and expressions gave you out. You're the one fighting for a love that you yourself didn't give meaning to. Love is something that makes you happy...not the one that is forced upon you. You seem to force this kind of love in you because you think it is necessary for salvation. It is rather sad that some people only love Him because He had promised a holy city once the end of the world comes."

Raphael faced me fully with a furious expression. "Are you mocking the Father now? How dare you! This is unforgivable."

I strengthened my stand even though I was frightened by his reaction. "You mock Him by your fake love. No one wants to be loved just because they promised someone that they'll give them a good place to stay."

But maybe He does want to be loved because of that, I wouldn't know since I never truly met Him. I have no idea if He was truly merciful and loving. His whole existence was a mystery to me. He never comforted me but the thought of Him being there when I needed Him gave me strength. Knowing that He was real gave people something to hold on to even when in truth, He never really made His presence known.

Raphael snorted. His fists were clenched tightly. "You don't know me. You are already a hopeless ex-servant who deserves to lose everything for being an enemy of God. It was already obvious that you'll turn out this way, you're living with Sa-"

Before he could finish his sentence, the door was knocked open revealing Fenris with the most joyous expression that his animal features could give. He was huge.

He jumped over Raphael; his weight put them both down to the floor. His size could occupy the whole length of the room which I shared with Kennedy. The size of sir's room was fortunate for him.

"Fenris, you slobbering cur, get off of me!"

Fenris licked Raphael all over. The width and length of his tongue covered Raphael's face. Fenris then jumped back which was rather an unfortunate thing for the man under him because one of the werewolf's gigantic paws crushed his torso as he did it. The supernatural being sniffed Raphael's crotch.

"Ahah! Droog, he has century eggs here!!" the playful and gruff voice came out from the wolf's mouth. They can talk in this form? Raphael growled.

"Will you stop saying that?! You have said that already when you called me during the postwar of your kind three years ago!"

Samael came after looking like a rock and roll star with his all leather black outfit. "Give it up already you hypocrite. Berry ain't going back to being a holy hypocritical ass."

Raphael roughly pushed Fenris off of him, earning a whining sound from the wolf. He stood up and wiped the slobber off his face with a scowl. "It's your fault for poisoning him with your demonic influence. If you just let him be, he would still be qualified to be saved." He pointed at them. "Stay away from them. They are from hell, Keetan."

"We have cookies," Samael commented. "We are less uptight and WE are more accepting. See the benefits?" Fenris brought out a sunscreen bottle out of nowhere. He placed it on the bed with sparkles in his eyes. "And we give out free samples of Hell screen lotion."

Raphael grunted. "This is a warning Keetan. Your true family is in heaven. If you want to be with them, you know what to do," he said which truly caught my attention.

Family?

What family?

"From what I've learned, they aren't family to Keetan after what they have done to him. You're dumb before but you're dumber now and you'll be the dumbest once Lucian comes back and rejects you for all the shit you're saying," Samael spat at him. Raphael was horrified and hurt. My eyes widened when he spread his blue angelic wings. There were hints of white feathers in them.

"The past must be buried and Lucian is that past. If he rejects me, that's fine because serving the Lord above is more important than loving a man who will cause me to sin and depict my purpose of being an angel..." He stepped back once more, shaking away a thought. "Lucian is a sin...and I cannot love sin," he said in a pained way before flying off, leaving a whoosh of air. Samael chuckled darkly.

"#LucianJustGotSinZoned," he hash-tagged before turning to me and smiling. "So, you met an uptight angel with a serious stick up in his ass. Are you inspired?"

I chuckled. "No–Not really."

"Good," he replied. "Come on you overgrown dog, help me cook," he told to Fenris who began shifting. His fur seeped inside and a smooth tanned skin showed. His limbs grew back into a human's and his head shaped back to Caleb. Were he and his werewolf different? Caleb had his muscular back facing me. I blushed when I saw his fit butt exposed. When both of them exited without giving a fair explanation of what just happened, I snapped out of my thoughts and walked towards the bathroom to get cleaned. After Mister Wall and I took a bath yesterday, we watched a movie all night with Samael and Caleb bickering about which movie to watch next. I fell asleep after.

Being sexually-driven wasn't a good experience if it would go on for more than a day so I was grateful to sir for curing me. It was a tasty juice.

I frowned and buried my face in the bed from shame again. It was those cookies' fault. I have yet to ask Caleb of what he intended to do with those cookies if I didn't go here. Was he doing it to play a prank on Samael and sir? There were so many questions piling up in my mind that were left unanswered. The little Keetans working in my brain were exhausted in keeping them in a pile while they waited for answers.

What was the family Raphael was saying? Was I adopted?

What did Mister Wall and the others know?

How long did they intend to keep it from me?

I wore my clothes and walked out of the room with a deflated spirit. I really wanted to know. Was I an angel before? But where were my wings?

"Where is Mister Wall?"

Samael was stirring the soup in the saucepan. Caleb was wearing tight yellow boxers. He was dumping fruits in the blender.

"Oh, he's in the construction site," he answered. "Do you need to get fingered again?"

Heat rose in me. I shoved Samael by his arm. "N–No!" I then poured my annoyance at Caleb who was busy pouring the thick drink in a slim glass while humming. "Why did you make such a cookie?!"

Caleb turned to me with a sheepish grin. "I didn't know that the chocolate was some sort of Viagra. I didn't mean it."

I doubt his words but his explanation seemed sincere. "Where are the cookies now?"

I saw a sparkle of excitement in his eyes. His movements were in a flash and suddenly, a finely pack of cookies was at my face. "Do you feel like your lover isn't getting excited anymore even when you're in your best lingerie? Do you feel like you aren't as hot as before that you can't bring that dick up to life? Well then, why don't you try this sweet treat that can bring out the cum in you? Now cum, get one now for $10.75! After all, a happy dick is a happy life! Keep that love cumming!

Samael was dying from laughter and here I was, trying to comprehend what he just said.

He winked at me and brought a cookie close to his lips. "Never see that cumming, did you?"