The two seconds after I finished apologizing felt like eons. The heat from the sun intensified and my skin felt itchy. The grass underneath my shoes warmed my feet and sweat dribbled down my cheek. Probably from nerves and heat. There was no wind to take away the pain of warmth today. The field was devoid of shade and the concrete wasn't any better, if not worse.

"I do wish you apologized earlier." I turned my attention back to Avani. Her lips moved calmly as she spoke and her soft, brown eyes stared at me with concern. She looked so comfortable in her light blue cami and matching shorts, compared to me fiddling with the ends of my frilly pink skirt.

A pang of sadness erupted in my stomach and I fidgeted even more. Maybe sorry wasn't enough to cure this emptiness.

"I wish you would tell me why you yelled at me." Avani's eyes darkened as she stepped away.

The words were stuck in the back of my throat. I wanted to say them, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. Why did I find it so hard to say the truth?

Seeing I wasn't going to speak, she skipped off towards Leila and Isabelle like nothing had happened.

For a moment, I stood there on the brink of tears, staring at the green grass. The little stalks surrounded my feet like spears. The knot in my stomach entered again, twisting around my insides. This wasn't how the conversation was supposed to go.

"I'm guessing it didn't go well." I whirled around to face Amy. The knot weakened as I smiled at the girl. She wrapped me in a warm hug, our sweat rubbing against each other. Her polyester shorts scratched my skirt with a grinding sound and the shouts of other people echoed through my ears. The sun continued to bake the world, but we stayed tangled in our embrace, waiting for the day to end.

~~~

I stared at the ceiling. The stiff mattress refused to bend to my will. The sheet tucked underneath my feet tickled my toes. The embedded glow-in-the-dark stars troubled my sleep, the light too sharp. Avani's words repeated themselves over and over, unable to leave my mind. I wish you would tell me why you yelled at me.

I leaned to my side, a tiny wind breezed over my shoulder. Would Avani and I ever be friends again? These past few months didn't seem to make it so. I sighed and pulled the pillow from under my head. My skull bounded against the mattress and I winced. I slid the pillow over my head, blocking the light from the stars. Why did I care so much about Avani? Why couldn't I ever keep her out of my mind?

The knot in my stomach grew once more, the painful clutch never leaving me. I shoved the pillow off the bed. It landed with a loud thump and clinked against the glass of water on the ground. I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled my sheet over my head. I opened my eyes and the tears began to fall. I hadn't cried since January and here I was, pouring buckets. I kicked against the blankets like I was trying to kick away my worries. My head ran in circles and I had no way of telling what was happening.

A hand slid down my back and I twisted around, squinting through my tears. My mom sat beside me on the bed. Her hand stroked my whitish blond hair away from my eyes. Her warm fingertips tingled on my skin and her soft gaze met mine.

"So, Lucia, what's bothering you?" The same exact words Aziza spoke all those days ago in the bathroom. I wiped away my tears and blinked my eyes. I thought about how those words led me to a friendship I never expected. In the time before I regained Isabelle, Izet, Aziza, and Amy had filled in the gap without even being asked.

I knew I could trust my mom. I told her everything about my year with Avani. From the encounter with Mia to why I couldn't sleep. As I spoke, tears reappeared and I slowed down at certain spots, but my mother continued listening, her eyes never leaving mine. I finally finished and sat up in my bed, leaning against the headrest.

"You know," my mom said, "Situations just like that happened to me. Even now, it still occurs. I guess friends aren't always forever as much as we try to make it so. This doesn't mean we can't have friends. It just means we need to move on and make some new ones."

Yeah, but why does it have to be so painful? The knot in my stomach grew. "Why can't I leave her behind?"

"Well, maybe you need to convince yourself it's over. Like Elise said, tell the truth. Tell her why you left her and move on."