By Sunday, Brendon is feeling better than he did last weekend. He's offering cautious smiles and wasn't so bitter towards his mother, which was always a good thing.

Josh had been giving him company without actually doing so, and it was helping a lot.

The whole weekend Brendon had been swiping through Tinder while his mom watched television. He finally had something to do instead of sitting through reruns of shows he's seen multiple times.

It was tiring.

Josh liked sending pictures of random things he was doing throughout the day, Brendon had learned. He would do the same but what was there to send photos of? His ill mother? The bags beneath his eyes? The diamonds on the floor, or the wheelchairs that rolled on top of them?

Brendon wasn't comfortable with the thought, anyways.

What if he sent a picture of himself at work and Josh decided he didn't look as well as he did in his profile pictures?

What if he shows Tyler and they didn't like him?

What if Brendon wasn't the way the two of them pictured him to be?

"I'll see you next weekend, mom." He mutters, leaning forward to give her a hug on the couch. She pats his shoulder, then tells him to move because he's in front of the television. He shakes his head but does so.

Walking to the small table, he collects his keys and wallet, making sure he had his phone before beginning to leave.

He's nearly out the door when Grace finally says something.

"When will Kara come and visit?"

Brendon stops. It's rare she remembers her children's names, besides Brendon.

"I'm not sure." It's solemn, his poor mother.

"Is she still busy with college?" Grace isn't frowning, she doesn't seem to understand how tremendously upsetting this whole situation is. "I told her she was going to work herself to death."

Brendon loses all his faith once more.

"Mom, Kara got her bachelor's degree twelve years ago." He fiddles with his belt loop, eyes shifting to the dirty carpet in her apartment as he tries pathetically to swallow the lump in his throat. "She has two kids. . . Two boys named Kevin and Parker."

Grace turns to face the TV again. "Oh."

"Yeah."

Grace continues to watch Cash Cab, she's perfectly fine forgetting her children's lives. She doesn't know what they're up to, and that doesn't seem so important to her.

Brendon decides it's best to leave now, opening the door.

"I'll see you soon." He walks out, making sure his actions were delicate.

Brendon walks down the hall, caregivers walking around with food and other necessities in hand.

Carina is busy helping her aunt, as always, and that's okay. Knowing Brendon, he'll tell her next weekend. He'll tell her that his mother thinks her thirty-six year old daughter was still a freshman in college, he'll tell her his mother completely forgot that Kara has two children, he'll tell her that his heart just keeps breaking the longer he spends time with Grace.

He wants to tell her now.

He can't, he's nearly to his car.

Brendon considers telling Josh but that's too much to lay on a person you've only known for a week.

Will the topic ever come to surface? He's not sure.

Brendon isn't comfortable opening up to people unless they've made him comfortable, and that's not always such an easy thing to do.

Brendon's not sure if he'll ever become that close with Tyler and Josh.

He unlocks the car with a sigh, and sits down with a huff. It was still chilly outside and it's only going to get colder. It was scarf weather. Brendon, embarrassingly, had many. He puts the keys in the ignition, music suddenly blaring through the car.

He jumps, turning it down.

With another heavy sigh, Brendon buckles himself and pulls out of the parking space.

He's so thankful to be going home, if you could even call it that.

***

Brendon's shaking his head in distress, he decided to pick up more of his medication before going back to his apartment. He used the last of it when he came home from the retirement home the weekend before.

He seems to only smoke after visiting his mom.

It's whatever. He's on his couch again, coughing when he takes in too much.

Can't get enough.

And I thought I liked coffee. The last week you've sent me at least fifteen different pictures that have coffee in them.

Brendon chuckles, taking another drag, eyes closing. He holds in smoke until it's unbearable, leaning his head back and blowing it out.

He probably shouldn't be texting whilst being high.

Hey, hey. Coffee is a big part of my life. I put it in my bio. You were warned.

Besides, Tyler makes coffee all the time. They make some every morning, and sometimes when they come home.

Brendon wonders what it's like to be married, or even just have someone in general. Josh mentions the little things Tyler does for him a lot, Brendon is positive he doesn't even realize it, but isn't that what marriage is? The small things you do for one another? All the affection you show throughout the day with no words to express it?

No one makes coffee for Brendon.

Brendon makes coffee for himself.

That's nice.

It is. We're coffee addicts, so what? That's the real reason we got married.

Brendon has learned Josh has a rather humorous personality. It was very contradicting to Tyler's.

From what he's seen, Tyler had a rather serious tone. They seemed a lot more thoughtful when speaking, unlike Josh who could joke about his love for a beverage.

I'm sure.

How long have you two been married, anyways?

Brendon didn't want to seem nosey, he hoped he didn't.

He takes another hit, joint nearly a dab now.

Almost three years. Our anniversary is in a few months.

Brendon winces, mostly from smoking, but also because he feels. . . Awkward. He still cannot completely understand how casual the two of them are, their anniversary was coming up and yet they're trying to find a third person to celebrate it with.

The situation was just strange.

Never would he have seen himself begin to commit to anything so foreign, and yet, here he is.

Brendon is desperate, it's sad.

Three?

Yeah. Time goes by so fast when you're with someone you love.

That was cute, Brendon knows it is. Brendon knows his stomach feels upset but all he can do is ignore it. He feels like an obstacle although it was anything but that.

How long have you two been together?

Maybe Brendon was nosey, he has a right to be, though. Josh didn't mind, Josh encouraged it.

Well, I met them when we both were in college. We were kind of an off and on thing, mostly because they were having a hard time trying to open up to me about who they really are. We would argue, and they'd cry, I just didn't understand what was happening.

Finally, they told me they were non-binary, and that kind of fixed all of our problems. Yeah, it took a while to understand but look where we are now.

Long story short, we've been together eleven years.

Brendon swallows, putting his joint on the tray when it was now only a stub.

Eleven fucking years. Brendon had never even had a friend that long, let alone had a romantic interests that would last longer than a year.

His longest relationship was two months.

He's twenty-nine.

Wow.

Wait, you didn't know Tyler was non-binary even when you were dating?

Brendon can't imagine not being open about yourself with the person who you love the most. If anything, that would only make him feel worse than he did. The whole point of a relationship is acceptance and honesty, and then, they had neither.

That's horrible.

Nope. They never told me anything. We dated for a solid month before it got really serious.

Their dysphoria, that is.

Brendon hadn't thought about Tyler's gender dysphoria. That surely was a thing. He wonders whether it's anything he can relate to-- he knows it's definitely not. Brendon was insecure about his body, but not because he felt as if he was in the wrong one, he just didn't like his frame.

Wait. . . But does Tyler even feel as though they're in the wrong body?

Brendon was only making assumptions. He needs to stop.

After they finally told me, Tyler confessed how much it fucked them up because of how wrong everything felt. They couldn't stand that I was using the wrong pronouns without knowing.

I feel so bad now looking back on it.

Brendon frowns. He feels hazy, barely being able to process everything because he felt so gone.

I can't imagine.

It's good they finally told you.

Brendon blinks a lot to try to concentrate on the keyboard, everything's fuzzy.

I'm glad they did. Even though I had no fucking idea what non-binary even meant, they helped me get it.

Suddenly Brendon feels less scared about the situation. One of the biggest factors to his anxiety was not understanding the whole ordeal, but even Tyler's husband didn't understand at first.

It's a full circle.

Anyways, we're going to head to bed, goodnight. Text you tomorrow.

Brendon doesn't know how he's going to bed right after drinking coffee. Josh was weird, but that wasn't such a bad thing.

Goodnight, Josh. Make sure to tell Tyler goodnight too.

Brendon doesn't know why he doesn't just text Tyler himself. He could tell them goodnight if he really wanted to, or have thorough conversations throughout the day with them like he did with Josh, but he doesn't, because he's scared.

He's intimadated.

They said goodnight.

Brendon smiles, his mouth is so dry.

Alright. Sleep well.

Brendon turns his phone off, leaning further into the comfort of the sofa. It's swallowing him whole and his body tingles delightfully.

He's completely forgotten about the incident that happened with his mom, for now, and he wished he could forget it forever. His mind is too cloudy, he thinks about Tyler and Josh and only Tyler and Josh. They'd been on his mind from day one, and the intensity of their presence only becomes more intense as the days pass on.

He forgets, but Tyler and Josh are helping him remember.