TRIGGER WARNINGS:

- Anxiety.
- Sexual Scenes.
- Smut.

***

When Brendon thought it was going to be a long weekend without Tyler and Josh, he was right. Considering he spends most of his weeks with them now, he forgets how fucking dreadful being pent up in a small apartment at the retirement home is.

Seriously, he felt like he was losing his mind.

Luckily though, getting to see Carina made it a lot better. He eventually did take off Tyler's turtleneck too, exposing the marks on his neck, which lead to a very interesting conversation afterwards that he would rather not like think about again. All he can say is, Carina's excited to see him grow out of his shell, if that's what you can even call it.

Josh facetimes him once on Saturday night and once Sunday evening. It's what he needs, really. Especially Saturday. The first day back when coming to see his mother is always the worst; he wishes he was able to spend more time with her, and maybe he can, but he doesn't, which ultimately just makes him terribly guilty. His mother is widdling away and he'd rather go see Tyler and Josh to forget about all off his worries-- he's horrible.

Josh tells him it's not true, he does so much more for her compared to anyone else, and Brendon forces himself to believe it.

He takes a nap on the couch Sunday afternoon, holding his mother's hand with Josh's words repeating over and over again in his head. He loves her. He loves her so much. He wants everything to be okay, but it's not, and it never will be, and he's frustrated by that, pissed. Something or someone took away his guardian angel, the only real person who would be there for him when he fell. He has Tyler and Josh now though, yet balancing the three of them is heavy and painful. His mother takes the heat despite never once realizing it.

This weekend he makes sure to hold her especially tight when he can and remind her of how much she is loved because of the iniquity.

Sunday dinner, Brendon barely touches his food. He's upset that he has to leave so soon. He's upset that his mom doesn't remember his birthday coming up. He's upset that he has to depart with Carina for another week. He's upset about everything.

That's until Carina pulls him aside after their meal and hands him a small wrapped present with a card on top.

"I know I won't see you on your birthday," she tells him, placing the gift into his hand. "It isn't much, but I thought it was cute." She whispers.

Brendon smiles carefully, nodding to himself as he first tears the envelope apart and pulls out the card.

Happy 30th birthday, Brendon!

Even though we don't see each other constantly, I can say without hesitation that you're my best friend. I really don't know what I would do without you. You help light up this place even when we both know the actual reason we're here. You help me smile, and laugh, and be happy. That's all I could ever ask for.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for trusting me, and letting me trust you. You're my comfort source. I'm so glad we met. Throughout my years of knowing you, I continue to watch you grow, and it's beautiful. You deserve every good thing in life, every good person, every good something. I hope any negativity surrounding you soon leaves and that you can focus on the positives, because there's so much around whether you realize it or not.

I'm one of them.

With much love, Carina.

Brendon bites down on his bottom lip, eyes glassy when he closes the card and slowly starts tearing the wrapping paper.

In moments, a framed picture of him and Carina smiling widely together meets his eyes. He grins just like he is in the photo because it's definitely from a while ago. Carina's hair is blue and Brendon's beard is grown out, reminding him of how close they have always seemed to be. He loves it. He loves her.

Without a second to pass he brings her into a tight embrace, breathing, dwelling on the light she carries into his life.

"Thank you," he murmurs. "Thank you."

She rubs his back. "Happy early birthday, old man."

Brendon pulls away, shaking his head. "Rude."

Carina shrugs, happy, careful. "Are you gonna get ready to leave now?"

Brendon nods. "Yeah."

She nods as well. "Okay. Well, I love you and. . ." She pauses, considering it. "Have fun on your birthday." More consideration. Brendon told her Josh and Tyler were coming to his apartment the day of. "Be safe." She adds, almost sly, definitely sly-- Brendon doesn't know why.

Nonetheless he says, "I will."

The two of them depart after that. Brendon goes to grab all of his stuff from his mother's apartment and makes sure to squeeze her hand tightly before he goes. She smiles up at him, he thinks maybe something comes to her, but it's nothing. She's naturally happy despite all the torment she goes through on a daily basis-- yet, she's unaware of it.

"I'll see you next weekend, Mom." He assures, kissing her knuckles. "I love you."

She holds his hand tighter. "I love you too, sweetie."

It's all he needs right now.

He may not be able to see her every day of the week, or be there for her in a time where she'd need him, but besides that, he is still loved. Still cared for. Still needed. Still welcomed. For that, he's grateful, so he heads out with a tug pulling at his lips simply because he feels reassured.

Once he makes it to his car, tosses his bag into the back seat, and is sitting in front of the wheel, he only has two people in mind, and one wish for the night.

He presses on Josh's contact, facetiming him.

He picks up almost instantly.

"Hi, baby." Josh murmurs. Brendon sees that he's cuddling up to Tyler's side on the couch, head resting on their chest as their fingers play with his curls (which are getting so long it's absurd.)

"Hey," he gives him a careful smile.

"What's up?" He wonders, meeting eyes with him through the screen. He looks so relaxed, content, comfortable, and Brendon can't help but want to join in. He misses Tyler playing with his hair and he misses Josh's cute face. He misses everything, yet that's common once he's no longer around them.

Brendon shrugs. "I don't know, I was just wondering if maybe I could come over tonight once I get my clothes together for work." He stares at him, wants to kiss him. "I miss you both." He adds.

Josh smiles. "We miss you too, Bren." He has a bit of deja vu from when Josh said that he missed him a couple of days ago. . . Which lead to Brendon going in the shower and. . . Yeah. He brushes off though, really not wanting to think about that right now. It's embarrassing. "And of course you can come over, I need my man right n--"

"Josh," Tyler suddenly mutters.

Josh looks up at them. "What?"

"He can't, remember?"

Brendon's heart sinks when they say that. What did he do? Why can't he come over? Oh, god. He can't think of what he did wrong! How could he possibly have made them upset when he hasn't even seen them in two days? Fuck. He somehow always messes everything up.

"Shit," Josh breathes out, looking back over to the camera. "Sorry Bren, they're right."

What the fuck did he do?

His chest becomes heavy; his eyes widen.

"What-what did I do wrong? I'm sorry, I-I-I didn't mean to--"

"No, baby, oh my god, no. You didn't do anything wrong, it's okay!" He chuckles. "It's just that. . . One of the presents we bought you. . . We can't really hide it so it's just kind of sitting out right now, so you might have to just wait on coming over until after your birthday. I'm sorry."

Brendon exhales out of relief, nodding along to his words.

"Jesus christ," he whispers, taking a long deep breath to regain himself. "That freaked me out."

Josh frowns. "I'm sorry. That's not what we were trying to do."

Brendon shakes his head. "I know, it's okay. I'm okay." He pauses. "But, uh, are you serious about me not coming over?" The thought makes him upset. It's only been two days and he already craves their touch more than anything else imaginable. He just wants to feel their love because if he doesn't, after a certain amount of time, he plummets mentally. Completely. And it gets bad.

He really, really doesn't want to be apart from them any longer than he already has to.

"Yeah, Bren. I'm sorry." Josh murmurs. "Don't wanna ruin the surprise."

Brendon swallows thickly. "I miss you guys." He repeats.

Josh gives him a reassuring smile. "We miss you too, but it's only a few days. Tyler and I are gonna throw you the best birthday you've ever had. Get ready."

Brendon sighs, nodding along with the corner of his lips tugged upwards. "Okay, I believe you." He states. "I just don't know what to do in the meantime. . ." He admits. Whenever he's not at work, or the retirement home, or Tyler and Josh's house, he really has nothing. It's sad. He needs a fucking hobby or something.

"Give me the phone," he hears Tyler say.

Easily, Josh hands them the phone, and once Tyler has it, they give Brendon that look, god, that look. It makes his knees feel weak even while he's sitting down.

"If you can't think of anything to do, I'll give you something to think about." They mumble, a certain tone in their voice, and Brendon can only assume where this might be going. "Watch." They whisper.

Brendon suddenly feels his heart race as soon as that one word leaves their mouth, and it races even faster when they pull Josh close, bringing their lips together harshly. Sloppily. Raunchy. Josh's eyebrows furrow as it happens, already desperate, in need, and Brendon carefully glances out the window to make sure no one else is around to see this.

His Adam's apple bobs when he looks back to the screen, seeing the way Tyler's other hand grips a section of Josh's hair and pulls until he's whimpering against them.

Fuck.

What is Tyler doing?

They lick into his mouth, treat him roughly, and the fact that Josh so obviously likes it makes Brendon's head spin. He moans weakly against them every single time they tug at a strand of his hair, he trembles when they bite his bottom lip, he squeezes his eyes shut as they move closer, do something that's not visible, but it makes a heavy set blush rise onto Josh's features in an instant.

Tyler kisses his lips one last time before pulling away, brushing his hair out of his face while he slowly opens his eyes, the red on his cheeks only getting worse when he looks at Brendon through the phone.

Tyler smiles to themself. All-lip. Proud. Cocky.

They meet Brendon's gaze on screen. "You choose what to do with that." They state.

Before he can even give a response, they end the call, and all he can do is sit there with wide eyes and a heavy chest. He's trying to process what he just witnessed. There's no way that happened. This must be a dream. There's no way he just watched Tyler make Josh that turned on in a matter of seconds. He needs to pinch himself. There's no way Tyler made him this horny through a fucking phone screen.

Immediately, he huffs at the thought, sticking his face into the palm of his hands while shaking his head.

He genuinely doesn't know what's happening anymore.

Why is he so easily turned on?

When did he start getting this turned on in the first place?

It's all too abrupt.

After a moment of recollecting himself, he slowly lifts his head again, starting the car.

It's an agonizing drive home. Brendon tries to forget about everything by listening to music, hum along, but that doesn't work a single bit. He shifts uncomfortably at red lights, throws his head against the steering wheel, groaning, and still, he can't get that image out of his head.

Brendon misses Tyler and Josh in every way possible. From their smiles, to their laughter, to their petnames, to their kisses, and especially to their eroticism. It has opened up a whole new world for him. He can't stop thinking about it. About them. He wants them. Fuck, he's terrified that he wants them but the craving won't go away, and he has a feeling it won't until. . . Until. . .

Brendon parks his car once he gets to the apartment building and is quick to grab his bag out from the backseat, wearing it across his shoulder so it covers the the front of his jeans. It has happened again. It keeps happening.

He rushes up the stairs and fiddles with the key before finally making it inside.

Relief.

Well, not really, but soon.

**Trigger warning: sexual scenes and a bit of smut.**

Once he goes into his bedroom and tosses the bag down, he paces, thinking, deciding, fantasizing. He swears something had to have been implanted into his brain because slowly, he picks up the lube he left on the floor Friday night, reading the note again.

Brendon swallows thickly.

He's not going to fucking finger himself.

He won't. There's no way.

Tyler's delusional.

Brendon sighs the longer he dwells on it, kicking off his shoes while plopping down onto the bed. The aching between his thighs isn't getting better the longer he sits here, he knows it won't, so slowly, he leans back until his spine is pressed against the sheets, staring at the ceiling while unbuttoning his jeans.

He thinks about Tyler and Josh. He always does. He catches himself wondering more and more as time passes how it's going to feel, when it's going to happen-- if it ever will. He's so scared of all of it that he's holding himself back from finally being one with two others.

He forgets about his worries by the time he squirts some lube into his palm, which, really, is the first time he has ever actually felt it. It's weird. It kind of feels gross too but he doesn't care by the time he's jacking himself off.

Fuck.

Just like that, he's doing it again.

His head dips back while his mouth widens, terse gasps coming from him. He knows too well what Tyler and Josh most likely did after the call ended, and he thinks about that the faster his hand moves; he tries to envision it to the best of his ability from what he has learned so far. Josh is under, Tyler's on top. They probably pull at his hair and Josh would moan unashamedly, because he likes it, craves it-- the sting, the touch, the power it entails.

Brendon thinks about Tyler pulling his own hair. Maybe he would like it, too.

He wants to know other things Josh likes besides that. He's completely left in the dark though, and there's honestly very little for his mind to imagine, but still, the simple thought of Josh whining beneath Tyler or even him is all he needs right now. It's so hot. He's so hot. How did he manage to get this lucky? Josh is perfect in every way, and despite not catching what his face looked like when he came a few nights ago, he has a pretty good idea of it.

Flushed, desperate, eyes glassy. His hair is a mess but Tyler would brush it out of his face when he reaches his high, kiss his nose lightly while he gasps for air, and hold him to their chest when the euphoria is so strong that his mind spins.

Brendon let's out a strained noise at the thought, hips bucking slightly, teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

It isn't until then when he realizes he has yet to see Tyler. . . Look turned on. Or horny. Or close to cumming. Why? They're always the one to initiate it but they never really. . . Do anything for themself.

Is that something he has to wait and see until sex? Like, actual, penetrative sex?

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

The longer he thinks about it, the more it makes sense. Tyler has never once made anything easy. It took them ages to smile around him, and even longer to cry. They don't want just anyone to be let in, they want someone they know they can trust, especially when it comes to something as strong as lust and love. Tyler isn't going to cum in front of him until Brendon has made himself vulnerable. Naked. Bare. Tyler isn't going to cum in front of him until Brendon is beneath them, trusting them, taking them.

He slaps his hand over his mouth as he groans, thighs trembling the closer he gets. He's almost there. He's almost there.

Really, maybe he's actually almost there.

Brendon considers getting naked for them soon as long as it meant he can see what they look like when they reach their peak.

Getting to be there in the middle of it when all three of them do-- god damn, that's definitely encouraging. He can only imagine how exhilarating it is to be part of something so special. Whether Josh is panting beside him or below him, and whether Tyler groans or whimpers, he really will love it. Whether it goes smoothly or it does hurt, as long as he is taken care of, he really will love it.

As long as Tyler and Josh kiss him throughout that time, he'll be okay. He knows.

So with that in mind, Brendon spends another night alone with a fist full of jizz and a body full of heat. Tyler and Josh are doing something to him, that's for sure. He doesn't even have the power to shower afterwards because of how spent he is, he just cleans off his hand and the part of his abdomen where some cum landed, undressing down to his boxers, heading to bed with the bottle of lube accidentally beside him.

He'll find a place for it later.

***

**Trigger warning over**

When Brendon comes into work Monday, Luke is smiling ear-to-ear, which is ultimately a good sign but instead of asking about how his weekend went, he goes right to his cubicle and waits for lunch to come around.

The time moves dreadfully, yet once he's finally on his break, it's relieving. He sits in front of Luke with a careful grin, holding his Cup O' Noodles with both hands as it's slid in front of him. The aura is exhilarating, Brendon is ecstatic and he's not even sure why-- no, he knows why. Luke is fucking glowing right now. It's lighting up the whole room, lifting his gloomy conscience about being alone for the rest of the week until Friday, and Brendon can't even sit there long enough for either of them to really settle before he's opening up his mouth.

"Did she say yes?"

Luke meets his eyes, head tilting. "Mhm."

Brendon reaches out to hold his shoulder. "Dude! This is so exciting!"

Luke laughs, nodding, nodding, biting his lips so he can stop smiling for just one second because surely his cheeks hurt by now. "It is!" He exclaims. "I mean, I didn't think she would say no in the first place, but for it to be official-- official that I'm going to marry her and she's going to be my wife. . . Holy shit." He shakes his head. In disbelief.

Brendon let's go of his shoulder, happy for him, happy that someone he cares for is happy. "Then I just have one last question," he says.

He feels good right now. On a high. He doesn't know why.

"What would that be?" Luke wonders, smile all-lip.

Brendon blinks, chin being propped up by his hands. "Am I invited to the wedding?"

Luke chuckles when he says it, taking a bite of his food before anything else. "Of course, man. I mean, you're the only person here who has really gone out of their way to get to know me, so yeah, you're definitely invited." Brendon heart becomes warm as he says it. "You and your plus one." He mentions. But, after giving it another thought, he speaks up again. "Well, plus two, I guess."

Brendon is overjoyed.

"That sounds really, really good."

***

Brendon tries to use his time apart for Tyler and Josh wisely. He needs to clean his apartment, and he definitely needs to go to the laundromat, so by Wednesday, all that is finished with. He even washed Tyler's turtleneck for good measure.

Now though, on Thursday night, he's alone. Really, truly, alone. He sits on his couch with earbuds in, listening to a playlist he hasn't paid much attention to for months. He thinks about what there's left to do. Anything he can do, which ultimately ends up being nothing, yet as his eyes catch the bong he left out, he has an idea.

He dwells on the thought longer, and when he remembers that Jack is with his dad this week, he considers the fact that he doesn't have to be so alone right now.

Brendon pauses the music, ripping out his earbuds. He grabs ahold of something before standing up from the couch and walking right out the door with as little as a shirt and sweatpants on, not even shoes.

He knocks on Hayley's door.

It doesn't take long for her to open it. Brendon knows she has very little to do just like him when there's not someone around to occupy her. In many ways, they're alike, and maybe that's why they get along so well.

She smiles widely when she sees it's him.

"Hey, Brendon. What's up?"

Brendon's lips tug upwards, pulling out his container of weed to show. "You busy?"

Hayley's smile only becomes bigger from that. Without a word, she's disappearing from the door for a moment, coming back with sandals on her feet. The two of them easily make their way to Brendon's apartment and naturally, they get as high as the birds in the sky. Brendon takes one last rip of the bong too, coughing horribly, laughing then, coughing again.

Hayley watches him with hooded eyes. "Your last day ever being in your twenties, how are you feeling?" She randomly mentions.

Brendon shakes his head while placing the bong down for good. He's high and still, the thought disrupts him. "Don't remind me." He murmurs, coughing another time. Fuck, it burns. Maybe he should have left it alone.

Hayley chuckles. "Why not?"

Brendon hums, leaning into the couch, meeting eyes with her. He shrugs. "I don't know," he whispers. "I just feel like I wasted it."

She furrows her brows, chuckling again. "How do you waste age?"

Brendon sighs, contemplating a little bit before he speaks up. He never knows exactly what is okay to say and what's not, especially to someone like Hayley. A neighbor, a recent friend, a person he can't always completely read. Still, that doesn't stop him from continuing. He doesn't care all that much right now.

"Your twenties are supposed to be when you live your life to the fullest." He starts. "I haven't really done that until these past few months with Tyler and Josh." He pauses at the thought, swallowing thickly. "Well, like. . . These past few weeks, really."

Hayley blinks, thinking over everything he said. "Are you. . . Talking about your sex life. . ." She suddenly realizes.

Brendon's body goes warm. He feels it so well.

Maybe he did. Accidentally.

"Only a little bit," he responds.

Hayley looks amused, eyes closing, a relieving cackle leaving from her lips. "What do you even mean by that!" She laughs out.

Brendon laughs with her. "I. . . I just mean, like. . . I haven't really lived until recently. I wasted my twenties, you know." He's getting old. "The things I've been doing now is the shit people do when they're in highschool or college. It's embarrassing!" He exclaims.

Hayley shakes her head, fingers running through her hair absentmindedly. "It's only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing." She tells him. "Living doesn't have an age limit-- excitement, doesn't have an age limit."

Brendon smacks his lips together, mouth so unbelievably dry. "It feels like it." He says.

Hayley purses her lips. "Why're you embarrassed, then?"

Brendon huffs. "It's just. . ." He can't think properly. Everything is fuzzy, tingly, like how he always feels thinking about his partners. "Tyler and Josh know everything. Do everything. Have done everything. . . And I haven't. They're so experienced that I feel scared to try stuff because maybe I'm not. . . Good?" He doesn't know what he's saying at this point.

Hayley stares at him, brows raised, eyes lazy. "Yeah, you're definitely talking about your sex life." She states, chuckling.

Brendon would be blushing right now if he wasn't so at ease. "Okay," he mutters. "My bad. It's just been on my mind." He admits.

Hayley sucks on her bottom lip momentarily. "No, I don't care. I'm only a little surprised because you're so closed off."

Brendon's shoulders lift. "Must be the weed."

Hayley nods. "Must be," she agrees. Then, she's coming a little closer, poking his shoulder a few times, playfully. "Or maybe you're finally feeling comfortable enough to open up to me." She's grinning.

Brendon rolls his eyes, smiling. "Shut up."

She's content, deciding to stay a little closer to him since he doesn't seem to mind. They both stare at the wall.

"You know what I think?" She proceeds.

"Hmm?"

Hayley tilts her head, eyes closing. "Whatever you're scared of, just say fuck it, and do it." She informs. "You might be pleasantly surprised with the outcome. But, even if it does suck, it's okay. Sometimes shitty things need to happen so we can learn and grow."

Brendon dwells on that, so much so that he has nothing really to say.

Hayley continues.

"You know what else I think?"

"Hmm?"

She looks back at him.

"Nothing shitty is gonna happen." She murmurs, assured. "Tyler and Josh care about you way too much for that to be possible."

Brendon can feel his heartbeat grow stronger. "You really think so?" He whispers.

She nods without hesitation. "Definitely."

Brendon slowly nods too, smile twitching until it finally forms. She's right. Brendon-- despite the constant paranoia about the whole situation-- is certain that Tyler and Josh will always treat him right. They're not going to ask him to do something he's not comfortable with. They're not going to pry until he gives in. They're always-- and have always-- going to go at his pace.

He knows. So now, just maybe, he doesn't have to be scared.

***

Brendon didn't expect much from today except for this evening once Tyler and Josh would come over, so when he wakes up the next morning with a message from both of them, he's a little surprised. He can't help but laugh either when noticing the obvious difference between their texts as he checks them.

Brendon opens Josh's first.

Happy birthday, baby! I can't wait to see you today and hold you and kiss you and celebrate another year of you being alive, you big cutie.

Brendon swallows thickly when reading it, biting down on his lip. He misses him so much. He misses everything so much and there's not enough words to describe how relieved he is to know he can do all those things with him again. Only a few more hours to go.

I can't wait either. <3

He exits out of their messages and instead checks Tyler's.

Happy birthday, Bren. See you soon.

Despite the lack of enthusiasm compared to Josh, Brendon knows they mean it just as much. They care for him more than he can comprehend, and he smiles to himself as he reads their text, simply because he's overwhelmed with love.

Thank you, Ty.

That's how the day started, and Brendon assumed that would be it until later tonight, but when he's at work and walks into the breakroom for lunch, his heart nearly gives out when he sees more than Luke at the table. Ryan's there, and Ryland, and even Debby-- what's happening? His eyes try to grasp everything in sight, seeing cupcakes in front of them as well as cards. It's so much to process, especially as they start singing happy birthday when they notice him come in.

It's not just the four of them singing though, everyone else in the room slowly joins in when taking into account what's happening.

Brendon's mind spins, finally making it to the table, sitting down. His lips twitch to a nervous smile in the meantime. It's a little overwhelming. Okay, not a little-- it's extremely overwhelming and he's trying his hardest not to let anxiety get this best of him. This is an act of kindness. They really went out of their way to do this for him, so please, please, don't make this bad.

Brendon inhales, exhales, listening to everyone finish singing.

He looks up at the four of them after a moment. "You didn't have to do this," he murmurs.

Luke shakes his head. "Of course we did, it's your birthday!" He exclaims.

Brendon doesn't know how to respond, so he keeps quiet with a careful smile on his lips. Ryland leans over to him then, perhaps aware that he's at a loss.

"We couldn't bring candles in because it's like, a fire hazard, so you're just going to have to pretend there's some." He explains, and Brendon chuckles, nodding. Ryland raises his arms. "Well, make a wish!"

There's too much to wish for, he thinks.

Maybe he can wish for things to be patched up family-wise, maybe he can wish for the people he loves to never be ridden with negativity again, maybe he can wish that for himself. Instead, he opts for something much different, much more selfish, much more dumb, but he's awfully paranoid about this certain thing that he can't help himself.

After thinking about it, he looks to Ryland. "I made my wish."

Luke lifts a cupcake in front of his face. "Pretend there's a candle and blow it out."

Brendon stares at him for a second, thinking that would make him look stupid, but ultimately, he doesn't care at this point, so he does as told with one wish repeating in his mind.

All four of them cheer like a bunch of idiots. He can't help but smile though. He can't help but be relieved. He can't help but feel like everything is okay.

"What's the flavor?" He asks once they stop, carefully picking up a cupcake.

"Strawberry," Debby answers. "I hope that's alright."

Brendon slowly meets eyes with her, the first time they've really been around one another since her apology, and still, he's okay. He can tell she's a little nervous to be here, which helps him settle down because it's only another sign pointing to the fact that she genuinely is guilty of what she's done.

They've overcome that obstacle.

It's time to enjoy the good that is today.

Anyone who was standing sits and slowly, they start eating the dessert. Brendon doesn't even think twice because, truthfully, he's fucking starving. All he had really eaten this past week is the lunch Luke brings him everyday. He can't find the motivation to make a meal for himself when he's alone, he never truly has, especially now that he is so used to always having Tyler there to guide him, he struggles immensely.

He won't tell anyone that though, especially not Tyler or Josh. He's simply going to enjoy this moment because he's not sure when he will get another like this. Another moment where he's eating without panicking, and smiling from a steady conversation him and his friends have.

If anyone were to tell him a year ago this is where he would be right now-- eating meals, making friends, at ease despite being in public, in a relationship (pretty much), while also sexually active-- fuck, he wouldn't believe any of it. There would be no way. Yet here he is, proving himself wrong.

It truly goes to show that things do get better.

Brendon only eats one cupcake to not push himself too much and afterwards, he opens the few cards given to him. It's embarrassing how easily he tears up, yet when he reads three different things all stating how thankful they are to have him in their lives, even with the ups and downs they've each had with one another, he can't help it. An overwhelming feeling of love swallows him whole and he repeats one thing over and over again. Thank you.

He means it.

He doesn't care that he and Debby had a falling out, because she's proving herself to him. He doesn't care that Luke was holding a grudge against him for something he was confused about, because it just took some explaining. He doesn't care that Ryan and Ryland are overbearing at times, because they care for him.

He doesn't care about the mistakes. He can't be bothered to when all four of them are here now, celebrating a day he thought might never come a few years ago.

Brendon makes sure to hug each of them before he heads back to his cubicle. Even Debby, which could be awkward, but there has been too much reassurance for that to be possible.

Afterwards, he lays his cards aside on his desk and works with a smile on his face.

He doesn't think it will be leaving any time soon.

***

When Brendon gets back to his apartment, he's tempted to immediately text Josh or Tyler that they can come over because he misses them so much. Though, he knows he shouldn't. He needs to shower beforehand just in case, so that's what he does. He gets a change of clothes-- nothing fancy considering they're only going to be here-- gym shorts and a t-shirt, and like that, he's in the bathroom, turning the dials to the right temperature.

He strips until he's completely bare, staring at himself in the mirror. His hickeys are pretty much gone by now, barely-there, faint. He still decides to reminisce on them though because maybe he likes thinking about how they got there a little too much.

He can't help it.

He's allowed to fantasize about Tyler and Josh if he wants to. It's human. It's natural.

It's his birthday. He gets a free pass.

Brendon eventually scurries into the shower, sighing out of relief when the warm water hits his back. Soothes him.

He's in his own little world while the suds of soap slide down his body. He's daydreaming, yet it seems like he has begun to do that ever since he met Tyler and Josh. It's another thing he can't help. They're perfect in every way, and his knees feel weak the longer he's apart from them. He wants to kiss Josh hard, he wants to let Tyler's fingers tangle in his hair. He wants to be held, he wants to hold someone. He wants to feel loved, wanted, and maybe even more than that.

He has too many ideas in his head right now.

Once he finishes showering and dressing, he makes sure to do one last thing before contacting Tyler and Josh.

Hide his weed.

And bong.

And grinder.

He has them left out on the coffee table but quickly, he's moving them into his bedroom, on top of his dresser where no one will see it unless the three of them would come in here for some odd reason.

So finally, after taking one final glance around his apartment, he picks up his phone and messages Tyler.

I'm back now, you're free to come over whenever.

It doesn't take long for them to answer. Brendon is positive it's because they have been waiting for that text all day long. Perhaps the two of them are just as excited about this as he is-- he hopes that's the case.

Okay. We will make our way over there right now, sweetie.

That little name itself already feels like a birthday present. He can't even begin to imagine the rest that is in store for him today.

At the thought, he smiles, leaning further back into the couch until he's able to find something to entertain himself with while he waits. It doesn't take long either; it seems as though his mind is always running, yet right now, that isn't exactly a bad thing. Not at all. He can't worry about a thing when he knows that he's going to spend his birthday with the two people that mean most to him.

***

To Brendon, time passed by far too slowly. Whether it's because Tyler and Josh took a while to get over here or it simply had to do with the fact that he had no real way to entertain himself in the meantime, he doesn't have a clue, all he knows is that when he hears a knock at the door, his heart rate increases pathetically while a big smile stretches across his face, and he's up from the couch in seconds, practically racing over to the front.

When he opens the door to reveal the two of them, he thinks he might actually faint.

Holy shit.

He feels more than lucky today when he looks at Josh and sees that every single strand of his curly hair-- except one little piece-- is pulled back into a bun, and he switched his regular black gauges out to ones of sunflowers. They're protruding from his lobes, nearly looking like they're sprouting, and he looks so handsome Brendon nearly loses his breath.

Nearly loses his breath looking at Josh; he completely loses his breath looking at Tyler.

They're wearing a dress.

They're wearing a dress.

A short one honestly, one that only goes to their mid thigh and is tight, tight, so tight, tight like Brendon's throat and tight like his pants might get if he thinks about this outfit when he's alone.

He feels lightheaded.

Brendon is positive at this point that dark green is definitely, definitely their color.

Their combat boots only complete the look.

"Happy, happy birthday!" Josh exclaims when not a single word leaves Brendon's mouth, and in the blink of an eye, he's throwing his arms around Brendon's shoulders and is shoving his face into his chest, embracing him, making up for all the days they have missed this past week.

Brendon doesn't waste time to hold him back.

He craved this.

It lasts as long as it needs to and finally, once Josh pulls away, he's mirroring Brendon's smile at him before placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"I missed my birthday boy," he murmurs against him.

Brendon kisses him another time when he feels Josh about to back away. "I missed you most." He assures. And, he kisses him again. "You look really handsome tonight." He adds, because he can, and it's true, and he needs Josh to know.

Josh laughs airily, kissing him a final time. "Tyler wanted to do my hair, so I let them."

Tyler clears their throat. "Speaking of Tyler," they pipe up. "Please help them."

Quickly, Brendon and Josh both go to look at them, and it isn't until then where Brendon realizes how much stuff they're carrying. Two grocery bags in one hand, and a box of what he thinks might be cake in the other, pressed against their chest so it wouldn't fall.

Brendon supposes he got distracted by. . . Something else.

Nonetheless, Josh moves towards them, taking the grocery bags in his empty hand because he is also holding a few things.

Tyler nods as a thank you, eventually taking that step inside, closing the door behind them. They don't hug Brendon afterwards like he thought they might, they only walk into the small dining room and set everything down on the table. He bites his lip as it happens, humiliated that he has become so desperate for their touch where something as simple as this is affecting him, but immediately, once they set everything down, they walk over to Brendon and grab both sides of his head, bringing their lips together almost harshly. His eyes fall shut as a natural response, kissing them back timidly, sheepishly, meekly, a hand going to their waist where it finds fit.

Tyler breathes him in, pushes forward, touching hips, pulls back. They both open their eyes then, one of their hands falling to his shoulder while the other moves to hold his chin.

"I'm glad I get to see you again." They mutter. "I missed you." As they say it, their eyes travel down his body, then back up to his eyes.

Brendon gulps. Perhaps all these pent up emotions he has had this last week with no real way to solve them besides his own hand have ultimately just made the way Tyler and Josh touch him so, so much better.

Being alone this last week has done him no good, he concludes. Now, Tyler and Josh have barely done anything but kiss him and his mind is already spinning with ideas.

He pushes them down.

"You look really good tonight," he whispers, softly. Petite. He nearly feels intimidated because he hasn't seen them in so long.

They chuckle. "Is that so?"

Brendon holds their waist tighter, nodding.

Tyler's mouth curls upwards, thumb going to his top lip, slowly trailing down to the bottom. "Happy birthday, Bren."

He missed them more than what could be put into words, especially as they take a step back and move into the kitchen, leaving him needy and embarrassingly giddy.

Brendon follows as usual though, because despite this being where he lives, it always seems as though Tyler has more direction. He watches them take out everything from the grocery bags, seeing all the ingredients for fettuccine alfredo, and somehow, he gets excited opposed to nervous. Tyler's expertise in the kitchen makes him happy in a strange way, but Brendon is just pretty sure it has to do with the fact that he loves how easy it is for them. He loves how they concentrate. He loves how much they love to do this.

"You have a pot, saucepan, and measuring cup, right?" Tyler asks.

Brendon blinks a few times in order to bring himself back to reality. He nods. "Yeah," he gets out. Although he never really cooks anymore, when he first moved in by himself, he made sure to buy everything necessary. "Everything's over here." He mentions, moving to show Tyler where it is.

They nod. "Okay." They look back to him afterwards, down at him, slightly. Those boots add an inch or two. "Dinner should be done in an hour or so, then."

Brendon's lips twitch into a small smile. "Okay."

He goes to sit down at the table after a moment of staring up at them, not sure what to do in the meantime, but Josh follows his lead and takes a seat beside him.

"How's your birthday been so far?" He wonders, slowly connecting their hands together.

Brendon squeezes his hand immediately; he missed this far too much and now he never wants to let go. "It's been. . ." His eyes quickly divert over to Tyler in the kitchen, stomach dropping when he sees them bend down to grab a saucepan from the lower cabinet. Their dress hikes up. They're not wearing anything else underneath besides their skin-tight briefs and Brendon can easily feel himself go hot as he looks at them, catches everything. Holy shit.

They stand up then, instantly going to pull down their dress when noticing how far it has moved up their thighs.

They begin cooking after that, not phased, not aware that Brendon had just seen that.

"Bren?" Josh pipes up.

He snaps out of it, fast. "Huh?" He croaks, looking back over to Josh. It hits him in seconds what happened and, of course, a subtle blush meets his cheeks. "Sorry. Sorry." He murmurs. "Um, but yeah, it's been good. I've mostly been waiting for tonight to roll around. I've missed you both a lot."

Josh smiles. "We've missed you a lot, too." He says. "The house feels kinda lonely without you at this point."

Brendon is torn between feeling confused and feeling heartwarmed. "You and Tyler have each other, and Jim," he states.

Josh shrugs. "Yeah, but you're a big part of our lives now too. It's not the same without you around."

Brendon's chest aches in the best way. Meaning so much to someone is something foreign to him, and especially if it isn't someone, it's two people. He smiles carefully toward Josh at the thought, leaning forward until he's able to press a kiss to his jaw.

Josh smiles when it happens, slowly turning his head until he's able to kiss his lips again. They really have missed each other. It's no secret. They each have so much pent up to the point where it feels impossible not to have their hands on one another right now, or their lips.

Brendon holds the back of his neck the longer it happens, thinking about the fact that the last time he and Josh were together, things between them were intense. He had him on the counter and their tongues even met. He was pushing, pushing, craving, wanting-- but, still, afraid.

He shouldn't be afraid, though.

He knows. He knows because he trusts Tyler and Josh. He knows because he enjoys the thought of it. He knows because Hayley told him it would all go well. Perhaps it sounds dumb, letting a friend convince him that he shouldn't be afraid of sex, but it really has made a few gears turn in his head. Brendon isn't sure he's ever not going to be afraid of what it might entail, yet if he doesn't do it, he'll never know. He wants to do it. He wants to feel it. He wants to take it.

It's scary. Of course it is.

It doesn't matter in the end, Brendon decides. Josh's tongue touches his and instead of his stomach twisting with anxiety, he grins against him, and Josh does the same.

"Someone's happy," Josh murmurs.

Brendon kisses him again, pulling away only slightly. Their noses aren't even inches apart. "Of course I am."

Josh's eyes are gleaming. "It's kinda sexy,"

That one word makes his heart beat faster. Nonetheless, he chuckles. "Being happy is sexy?"

Josh shakes his head, fingers carefully running along the arm holding his neck. "Being confident is sexy."

That takes Brendon by surprise; he has never been confident. He's honestly surprised Josh sees him that way. Is he acting confident right now? Maybe he is, subconsciously. He has no idea really. Still, it's slightly encouraging, reassuring, and he continues smiling, loving the way Josh does the same thing.

"We should dance." He randomly brings up.

Brendon's eyebrows furrow, laughing airily. "What?"

Josh shrugs. "To make the time pass by." He pecks Brendon's lips, pulling back completely this time. "And it's a party! Let's play some music."

"I don't dance," Brendon comments.

Josh sits up from the chair. "Too bad." He reaches his hand out, looking down at him expectantly. "Come on."

Brendon sighs. He doesn't want to, not a bit, but when he meet Josh's eyes and sees how ecstatic he is, how he's glowing in every way imaginable, it's hard not to give in.

He allows Josh to help him up, and just like that, he watches him slip his phone from out of his pocket and play Don't You Want Me by The Human League, gaining a reaction from both Brendon and Tyler.

Tyler looks over to him from the stove. "Really?"

Brendon raises his eyebrows at him. "Really?"

Josh nods, smirking. "Really."

He brings Brendon's hands to his waist, and brings his own to Brendon's shoulders. He's a dork. He's bouncy and content and gleaming, making Brendon giddy for some stupid reason.

"One time I sang the chorus of this song to Tyler before we had sex." Josh says.

Brendon closes his eyes, shaking his head. "And you're telling me this, why?"

Josh smiles. "Because it's funny and now, every time I hear it, I just think about that."

"Was not funny," Tyler states from the kitchen. "I'm scarred for life."

Josh pushes air from his lips, rolling his eyes. He turns his head to look over to them. "Shut up, it was so hot."

"It definitely wasn't." They reply.

Josh hums. "What you did to me afterwards says otherwise."

That might have sent Brendon into a state of panic a few weeks ago if he heard it then, but now, he's so used to it at this point that he's almost completely unbothered. If anything, it gives him one more thing to fantasize when he's alone and desperate.

"The chorus is about to come up." Tyler says, practically dismissing it. "You should sing it to Brendon and let him decide."

As soon as Josh turns back to face him, he has this mischevious look to his face. He's smirking, holding Brendon's hands at his waist, and in seconds, he's yelling every single word to the chorus right at him. Brendon swallows thickly when watching his hips move and smiles ear to ear when he comes close enough to kiss his nose.

It's an eventful minute or so. He even watches him sing along naturally with the rest of the song until it's done, and once it is, he looks at Brendon with a shit eating grin.

"What'd you think?" He wonders.

Brendon hums. "I don't know what's up with Tyler because that was definitely hot."

Josh laughs loudly, beautifully.

"At least someone appreciates it!" He exclaims, and Brendon catches how Tyler rolls their eyes with a careful upturn to their lips.

He's in so deep for both of them. There's no way out.

They spend the next hour or so enjoying one another's company. Josh plays music off of his phone for the time being, conversing with the two of them while dancing lightly to some of the songs. Brendon watches, joins, laughs along, eases into the casualty of it and he can't help but get that homely feeling again. He supposes it follows Tyler and Josh wherever they go; especially because it takes a lot for this apartment to actually feel like home.

After Tyler had finished dinner, the three of them get plates together and head to the living room. It'd be nice if Brendon had a TV to make this a little more comfortable, but they settle with basking in each other's presence. They simply talk, catch up. It's been far too long, and besides, Brendon can listen to them both talk for hours without having a single complaint.

Tyler sits with one leg over the other, Josh sits with his leg touching Brendon's. It's everything he needs right now. He's happy, smiling, eating, not dwelling. By the time they're all finished with their food-- completely finished-- Brendon brings the plates to the sink and stares at the few things on the table.

He clears his throat, walking back into the living room. "Cake?" He asks.

Tyler looks up at him from the couch before nodding. As they stand, they poke his shoulder. "Keep your eyes closed until I tell you to look." When Brendon says nothing, they nearly cock their head. "Okay?"

He nods.

In seconds, Josh is getting up as well and leads Brendon to the table, sitting him down in front of the box, then quickly covers his eyes. The feeling of his body leaning over him and his hands hiding away anything and everything is almost thrilling. His Adam's apple bobs while he smiles in a small manner.

Josh smells like cologne but Brendon can't tell what kind. All he knows is that he keeps breathing it in like Vicks Vapor Rub when he has a cold.

He can hear him chuckling above him while Tyler does something in front of him, too. They're both chuckling slightly. Nothing too concerning, they just sound happy, and it honestly makes his heart swell even more. Everything is so good it almost feels fake.

Suddenly though, Tyler kisses his neck, then the shell of his ear. "Ready?" They whisper.

Brendon nods, ecstatic.

When Josh moves his hands and reveals the cake in front of him, Brendon is immediately rolling his eyes, laughing lightly to himself.

"Fuck you both." He says, shaking his head.

Tyler smiles, running their fingers through his hair before pressing their lips against his. "Happy birthday, Brend."

When they pull away, Brendon stares at the cake in front of him. A chocolate one like he asked, with the sentence 'You're old' spelt out on it in candles. Maybe it's true, yet as he feels Tyler's kiss linger on his lips, and Josh's hands resting on his shoulders, he feels young again. Young for the first time, really.

Tyler grabs a lighter they find on the kitchen counter (Brendon supposes smoking weed constantly has many positives) and begins lighting each of the candles. After they finish, as them and Josh are about to sing him happy birthday, Josh shouts, "Wait!"

Tyler looks over to him. "What?"

Brendon turns around and watches him pull out his phone, clicking on something, then holding it sideways. "Okay. I'm ready."

He's recording.

Brendon bites his lip at the thought.

Tyler eventually nods Josh's way, and just like that, the two of them are singing Brendon happy birthday. Something beautiful floods the room while it happens; he hasn't felt this happy in years. He hasn't felt this happy ever. Tyler's eyes gleam subtly while they look at him, and Josh's smile only continues to get bigger and bigger as the seconds go by. Once they're finally finished singing, they both look at him expectantly, so slowly, he leans forward, and embarrassingly, he wishes for the same thing he did earlier today.

When he pulls back from blowing out the candles, a stream of smoke rising, his heartbeat gets louder as he meets eyes with Josh, then Tyler.

The thought that comes to mind when he sees the two of them has his cheeks burning up.

"I'll cut the cake," Tyler murmurs after a moment, lips curled upwards.

Brendon nods as a response. His Adam's apple bobs when every feeling gets too overwhelming, but the more he dwells on it, he's knows, for once, it's a good kind of overwhelmed.

Josh eventually slips his phone back into his pocket and takes a seat beside him at the table once again. Slowly, naturally, his hand grabs his. Josh brings it close to his mouth and kisses each knuckle, rubbing his nose against Brendon's skin, flashing his eyes up at him. They're hooded. Maybe tired, maybe seduced.

Brendon can't help but hope it's the latter.

His body gets hot when he realizes what he just thought of. The only excuse he has for his running mind is the fact that he hasn't seen him in so long, and it's Josh for Christ's sake!

"I can't stop kissing you." He whispers, pulling Brendon back into reality.

Brendon combs his fingers through his hair, heart thumping loudly in his ears. "Good thing I don't want you to stop."

Josh chuckles, yet before he can say anything in response, Tyler walks back over to cut the cake. "You both are driving me insane." They murmur, carefully beginning to do what they had intended.

"I know. Sorry. We're both just so hot, but we can't help it, Ty." Josh jokes.

Tyler smirks in a small manner, shaking their head. "Shut up." They breathe out. "Do you want to open presents while we eat dessert?" They decide to bring up instead, and Brendon nearly forgot that would be involved. Presents. He's excited, definitely, only because he hasn't gotten more than one gift a year for the past few birthdays. He wonders what Tyler and Josh got him. He tries to think of something but doesn't have a single idea, so he simply nods, watching them do the same in return.

After Tyler gets a slice of cake for everyone, they slowly look at the two of them. It takes Brendon a second to realize they're a bit lost considering they have nowhere to sit.

At this point, he hopes his birthday present is another fucking chair because this sucks.

"Sit in my lap, babe." Josh pipes up.

Tyler nods another time. They walk over to him and sit on his right thigh, one leg crossed over the other while they push an envelope and wrapped gift in front of Brendon.

"Open the letter first." They murmur, slowly sitting back up, taking a bite of the cake.

There's a pause. A physical and mental one. Brendon almost can't believe good things are actually coming his way, and although it's something as simple as a present and letter, the fact that it's from the two people he cares about most makes it all so much more heartwarming.

Finally though, after sitting in silence for longer than what was probably comfortable, he grabs the letter and tears it open as carefully as he can. Already, he can tell Tyler was likely to take the job of writing the letter. His name is spelt out in their handwriting. Letters like 'B' and 'N' randomly capitalized. He loves it. The little things like this-- he loves it.

To Brendon,

There is so much both of us could say about you, but instead of writing a novel, we would just like to thank you. Whether you realize it or not, you have made our lives so much better, and so much brighter. Each day you continue to make the smiles on our faces bigger, and many times, that is not always easy to do. You give us a reason to be happy. We like to think about the things you do that make our hearts warm, like the way you pull a knee to your chest when you sit down, or how you subconsciously move your hand closer to one of ours until we hold it, or even how you still deny the fact that you drool in your sleep despite it being one of the cutest things about you.

Brendon wants to be embarrassed that tears are welling in his eyes, because he's too sensitive for his own good, yet he brushes any bad feeling away as he glances to Tyler and Josh before looking right back down at the letter.

You're the best thing that has happened to us in a long time; we hope you realize that. We would give anything to see your smile on the days you're away, and no matter what happens, we will always be here for you. You're our angel.

So, with that being said, we hope you have an amazing birthday. You might be getting old but we hope you can keep up with us.

Happy birthday, Brend.

Love, Tyler and Josh.

A tear falls. Definitely. Okay-- maybe two. He's so emotional.

"Hey," Josh says immediately, hand going to rub his shoulder. "Are you okay?" He then wonders, and when Brendon looks up at him, he nods repeatedly, wiping the tears as they come.

"Yeah, yeah," he whispers. "Sorry. I'm-I'm just overwhelmed."

Josh smiles at him, using his thumb to brush his cheek. "Open your presents, cutie." He tells him. Tyler watches with a small upturn on their lips, and Brendon is so unbelievably happy, and alive, and in deep.

"Okay." He murmurs, smiling with Josh for a moment before setting the letter down, grabbing the gift.

Josh goes back to rubbing his shoulder in the meantime.

Brendon slowly tears the bright blue wrapping paper after a moment, and instantly, his smile becomes even wider. He makes sure to take out the presents completely in order to get a good look at them, and he would be lying if he said his body didn't go warm in the best way.

The photos Josh took of him and Tyler from a week or so ago. There's two framed pictures of them, just for Brendon. One where Tyler has their head leaning on him, and another where they're kissing his temple, which Brendon doesn't really recall but he supposes it's because he's getting used to their affection.

"I love it." He decides, looking up at the two of them.

"Good." Tyler replies. "I love them too, mostly because you look adorable in my shirt."

Brendon is so warm.

"Now you have a little reminder of us when we're apart." Josh comments, rubbing the skin at the back of his neck. It's comforting. "And I know I'm not in the pictures, but I'm there in spirit, and I think that's enough."

Brendon is on Cloud 9, as usual when he's around the two of them.

"It's more than enough." He says.

Before he can even think about it either, he's leaning forward until their lips meet. Josh tastes like chocolate cake, and when Brendon pulls away and sits a little taller to kiss Tyler, they taste the same way.

This is all he needs.

"Sorry we didn't get you more," Josh brings up once Brendon gets comfortable in his seat again.

Tyler rolls their eyes, smirking. "Shut up." They mutter.

Josh laughs. "Be quiet! I wanted to mess with him."

Brendon blinks a few times. "What?"

Tyler chuckles, facing him again. "We have one last present for you." They admit. "We didn't bring it in though so Josh and I need to go get it, if you don't mind."

Brendon's a little surprised. The presents he got already are more than enough. But, nonetheless, he nods, and watches Tyler look down at their husband with their eyebrow quirked.

Josh nods as well. "Okay, we'll be right back, then."

Brendon is at a loss, almost. "Okay," he utters, watching as they both set down their plates and stand up from their place at the table. Tyler pulls down their dress once again because it was riding up like before. With that though, they're out the door, car keys in hand, leaving Brendon thoroughly confused as to what's happening.

Why do they both need to go get the present?

Is that a code for something else?

He has no idea. All he can find himself doing in the meantime is bring the plate of cake closer to himself and sluggishly take a bite. Immediately too, he moans at the taste. It's fucking phenomenal. He hasn't had very much to eat at all this past week really, so this is fulfilling him completely. The fact that Tyler spent time doing this just for him makes it all ten-times better, too. He missed their cooking entirely. He missed all of this.

It takes a while, and by the time Tyler and Josh are finally coming through the door, Brendon is nearly finished with his food. His attention quickly diverts over to them when he sees them both carrying in a present that's way too big. Oh, my god. Why did they get him something this big?

Tyler and Josh place it on the floor against the couch, mostly because it won't be able to fit on the table.

They stand up huffing, meeting eyes with Brendon.

"You're kidding me, right?" He gets out.

Josh laughs. "Just come over here and open it!"

Brendon shakes his head. "No." He says. "I don't care what it is; it's way too big, I'm not accepting it. You both are crazy."

Tyler's eyes fall. "Brendon, open it."

Brendon shakes his head, turning back to his cake, taking another bite. "No."

Josh groans, stepping closer to him. "Come on," he drags out. Little by little, he's wrapping his arms around Brendon's shoulders, kissing the back of his neck, and the side of it, and behind his ear, and his forehead. "Pretty please? With a cherry on top?"

Brendon pauses.

He looks up at him. "Fine."

Josh smiles, big and wide. "Good."

He pulls back after that, allowing Brendon to get up from the chair and make his way over to where the present is.

Slowly, he sits down on the carpet. And, with a deep exhale, he's tearing the wrapping paper. He can't tell what it is until his rips a good portion away from it, but once he sees the image on the box, his eyes widen.

"Oh, my god." He breathes out. "You didn't have to do this. Oh, my god." He shakes his head in disbelief. "Oh, my god."

Tyler crouches down to his level. "It's a smart TV so you get Netflix, YouTube, and Hulu, too."

"Plus a bunch of other stuff." Josh adds in.

Brendon doesn't know what to say. He's so shocked that his eyes are speaking for him, and the trembling his hands are doing around the box are indicating a lot. He can't stop shaking his head, either. "This is way too much," he whispers. "You didn't need to do this."

Tyler hums in disagreement, running their fingers through his hair for a moment to gauge his attention. "You deserve to have things for yourself too, Bren."

He knows they're right.

This is just a lot.

Nonetheless, he nods, looking up at them. "Thank you." He murmurs wholeheartedly. He turns to Josh afterwards, touching his hand, squeezing it. "Thank you."

His smile is so gentle. "Happy birthday, baby."

Brendon can't get enough.

"We should watch something," he decides.

"Let's set it up, then." Tyler replies.

Brendon nods, and with that, the three of them spend the next half hour or so getting everything together. Brendon doesn't have a stand for the TV either, which leads them to use the coffee table in the meantime until it can eventually get it sorted out, but, once they do manage to set it all up, they get comfortable on the couch together, ready to spend the night watching random movies and enjoy one another's company.

Brendon sits in the corner with Josh between his legs, who's cuddled into him while his curly hair tickles Brendon's chin the whole time, and Tyler sits a bit farther away. Still, they're close enough to where Brendon can rest his legs in their lap. They're already running their hand up and down his thigh every so often as well, which is driving him insane.

He ignores it for right now, though.

Another thing Josh and Tyler have done is let Brendon use their Netflix account since he doesn't have one. It turns out, they had made him an account before this, and once he logs in, he sees 'Brend' with a panda icon.

He smiles, clicking on it.

They pick a movie that none of them have seen. It's not the best movie by any means, Brendon decides, and he loses focus most of the time, but that might simply be Tyler and Josh's fault. Josh holds his hand throughout the whole thing, playing with his fingers, kissing his knuckles, things like that. He even shifts to get more comfortable every now and then. Brendon doesn't mind that of course, he wants him comfortable; what he hates about it is that Josh rubs against his front side far too much. That, along with Tyler's roaming fingers-- his head is spinning.

He hates to admit it, but he's so unbelievably touch starved from not being around the two of them this past week. All the affection they give has become natural for him and now that he's finally receiving it again after losing it for a while, his mind is taking a toll.

He does try ignore it. Really. He does. It seems like Tyler's hand only gets closer and closer though, and when Brendon starts to get a rush, feel a tingle, lose his breath, he knows he needs to put an end to this before it's too late.

"Ty," he gets out.

Slowly, they turn their head to look at him. "Yes?"

He swallows thickly, blinking a few times in order to gather his thoughts. "Do you think you can, uh. . . You know, stop?"

There's a pause. "Stop what?"

Shit.

"Nevermind." He murmurs.

Tyler's brows pull together, yet instead of furthering it, they let it go. And, it continues. Hand moving up and down, thumb running along his inner thigh, Brendon's breath getting heavier as the seconds go by, and Tyler's movements carefully, strategically, subtly getting higher. They know what they're fucking doing and Brendon is falling for it so hard.

After a few minutes pass of Brendon trying not to completely embarrass himself, Josh turns around in his hold and looks at him with careful eyes. Brendon looks back, playing it as cool as he can.

Josh kisses his lips for a moment, pulling away right after. He doesn't stop, either. He pecks Brendon's chin, and jaw, and throat, and Adam's apple.

"What're you doing?" Brendon wonders, everything feeling strained.

"Kissin' you," Josh mutters.

Brendon gulps, nodding with some apprehension. "Okay."

Josh frowns when realizing the state he's in. "What's wrong?" He looks up at him with soft, big brown eyes, and a pouted lip, thumb running over his chin.

**Trigger warning: sexual scenes and smut.**

"Nothing." Brendon says. Which isn't true. This might as well be torture. "I just-- holy shit." He gasps, eyes squeezing shut while a hand flies to his mouth when he feels Tyler rub against his frontside. Josh had accidentally given them the space to do that when he moved.

His whole body heats up.

His whole body trembles in just the slightest.

His whole body is overwhelmed with that beautiful feeling he recalls so well.

"Tyler," he croaks out.

Josh freezes for a second, head snapping to face them. "Tyler." He says.

There's some silence.

Brendon is far too clouded to pay attention to much.

Tyler doesn't say anything in particular though. They let the silence continue for a second, thinking, observing, watching the way Brendon is already this overcome with euphoria from something very little.

"Come here," they utter to him, dismissing Josh.

Brendon blinks open his eyes, sucking in his bottom lip while he looks at them. They're hard to read. They always are and he's not sure that will ever change anymore. Still, he knows them. He knows they're only going to protect him and he's reassured by this idea when he slowly moves over to them once Josh gets out of his lap and they wrap their arms around him, brushing his hair back, kissing him, loving him.

"Are you okay?" They ask.

Brendon nods, easily, head buried in their shoulder.

There's more silence. A chance to breathe.

"Do you want me to keep touching you?" They murmur, and Brendon is sure his heart gives out.

There's already an aching. Already a need. Already a lust. Already a plead.

Brendon nods again, pulse loud in his ears.

Tyler nods as well, fingers going under his chin, lifting it up as best as they can. "Look at me." They say. Without a doubt, Brendon does just that. They stare back one another afterwards, and he's not certain what's happening, but that's until they lean forward and meet his lips. It's natural at first, casual, yet slowly, it becomes more stern and heavy. Brendon can only moan lightly against them, especially as they use their free hand to palm him.

Fuck. It feels so good. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

They suck on his bottom lip before pulling away, meeting eyes with Josh. They don't even have to say a single word for him to know what that means, because in seconds, he's moving over to where he can sit beside them, and it's cramped, but none of them care.

Tyler kisses Josh. Puts him in his place just like that. They hold Brendon's waist and use their other hand to hold onto their husband, which he thought would go to his chin like they usually do, instead, Brendon watches their hand go to his neck. Fingers along side it, thumb going right to his throat.

Brendon's holding himself back from looking visibly shocked.

Holy shit.

Josh moans, sounds so good, and Tyler licks into his mouth like he's their fucking property.

Brendon breathes out a heavy breath, watching it all in a haze.

Holy shit.

It doesn't take long for Tyler to turn back to Brendon and kiss him roughly too, and it doesn't take long for them to let Josh get in on it. The two of them are going back and forth, wanting and needing more, wishing and craving so much more. Their bodies are hot together but it creates a heavy rush throughout Brendon's bones, even more so when Tyler's thigh moves between his and rubs against him.

He let's out a breathy moan, nodding along. He needs more, and Tyler and Josh are great at giving more.

Then, he's reminded of something. Immediately too, he's pulling away from Josh, panting slightly, flustered completely, thinking harshly. Josh seems confused by this, Tyler as well, and Brendon feels a lump grow in his throat when an idea comes to mind. An idea he has been pondering about for a week now. An idea that he knows he'd never do by himself even if he tries.

He wants to do it, though.

He wants to do it.

The thought makes his stomach twist almost, but he knows this is his biggest chance of moving forward when it comes to many things. Their relationship, his comfortability, his trust, his identity.

"Give me second," he decides.

Josh's brows furrow. "Is everything alright?"

Brendon nods, carefully standing up, and he hopes it's not awkward that he's so fucking hard right now and it shows.

With that though, he scurries into his bedroom and goes straight to the bedside drawer. He doesn't grab it at first, he only stares, wrapping his head around everything that's in store for him if he brings this up. He's tired of stalling, he's tired of holding himself back. He can explore if he wants to, and he does want to, badly. He's just scared.

Brendon's pushing that aside, counting to seven, exhaling.

He grabs it, and it feels like his heart is about to tear out of his chest from how flooded he is with all of these sensations.

He trusts Tyler and Josh. He has to keep telling himself that in order to ease himself down. They only want what's best for him, and they want to take care of him, and they definitely want to make him feel good. They always make him feel good. There's no doubt about it.

With an ache between his thighs, and his head held impossibly high, he walks out of his bedroom and goes back over to Tyler and Josh. He's trembling horribly, embarrassingly, and still, he persists. He wants this even more when he catches the way Tyler is treating Josh so roughly, yet beautifully. It's arousing. He hates that it's arousing. He loves, though, the way Josh is whimpering against them, going right back to the submissive state he inevitably seems to get into when someone asserts dominance over him.

Brendon feels dizzy by the time he's standing in front of them. The feeling only worsens when Tyler and Josh stop, and turn to face him. Examining.

Sheepishly, he raises his hand. Quickly, his nerves wash over him.

Tyler and Josh both seem a bit lost at what he's implying, leaving nothing but the TV in the background to make noise.

Brendon's terrified of saying it outloud.

"I. . . I can't do it on my own." He admits, quietly.

Tyler stares, piecing it together. They carefully go to grab what's in his hand, using their other one to run down his side until they're able to hold his hip. "Do you want me to do it for you?" They ask. They're being gentle, which he appreciates, because this is a lot right now.

With a sharp inhale, he nods.

Tyler hums in return, leaning forward to kiss his thigh through his gym shorts, and immediately, Brendon loses it. They run their hand further down until it's at his ass too, and without a warning, they use their finger to press right against him, testing, seeing the way Brendon's mouth falls open while his breath stutters.

Tyler pulls back. "Sit down." They gesture to their lap.

Timidly, flustered, Brendon crawls into their lap like he had done before. With his nerves eating away at him though, he speaks up before anything else could happen. "I-I don't want to undress." He rushes out. To make things clear. He's not ready for that yet.

Tyler kisses his cheek. "I know." They assure.

Brendon nods, the reality of this suddenly getting to him. Holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit-- what is he doing? Oh, my god. He's out of his mind, what was he thinking? Oh, my god.

"Don't be scared." Tyler whispers; of course they're catching on to his anxiety. Their hand moves up and down his inner thigh, easing him while also seducing him all at once. It's funny how easily they can do that. "We have you."

Brendon doesn't know what to say so he simply kisses them, searching for that comfortability he always finds.

As this happens, Tyler fingers rest over the waistline of the back of his shorts, dipping in and out every so often. Brendon gets another rush from this. He loves the way they touch him, even if it's very little, and by the time they have him completely worked up over this, they stop kissing him entirely.

"When is the last time you showered?" They wonder.

Are they seriously worried about this right now?

"Um. . . Right before you came over." He tells them. "Why?"

Tyler gives him an all-lip smile, saying nothing. Instead, they turn their head to kiss Josh, but that doesn't stop them from palming Brendon every now and then. He's been so worked up that he already feels like he can cum, and that in itself is humiliating.

When Tyler finally pulls away from Josh, allowing the redness of his cheeks to consume the rest of his body, they use their free hand to hold his face, thumb running over his lips. No words are said. No words are needed to be said. Tyler's pointer and middle finger ease into Josh's mouth, and with that, they're finally speaking up. "Make them wet." They murmur.

Josh gets that same wide-eyed look he always does, slowly holding onto Tyler's hand, moving it to the flick of his tongue. Brendon watches with a heaviness in his chest. The further they get into their relationship, the more there is to be revealed. He can't even describe what it's like to watch Josh do this, all he knows is that his mind is running with a million things, one including what else Josh's tongue can do that to.

He moans quietly at the thought, and moans even louder when Tyler palms him with more force.

Once Tyler finds the time fit, they pull their fingers out of Josh's mouth and kiss his lips as a reward, turning back to face Brendon. He sees the saliva coating their fingers, making everything very, very real.

"Breathe." Tyler tells him. "Enjoy it."

Brendon's breathing is still heavy. His chest moves up and down a couple of times before he sticks his face into their chest, holding them tight, preparing himself for what's to come.

With a peck to the top of his head, Tyler's hand falls into the back of his shorts, and in seconds, Brendon's whole body tightens around them with such a loud gasp it almost hurts coming up.

It's still so little. All they do is trail their fingers across him, but the fact that Brendon has never once been touched down there creates a heavy sensation. It doesn't help that they soon begin to prod, just slightly, causing the most embarrassing moans to emerge from him.

Before it even really starts, it ends.

Brendon's confused when they pull their hand out from his shorts. He's too scared to look at what they're doing though, staying hidden in their chest, but he quickly begins to understand when he hears the bottle of lube cap pop open. Their hand at his front moves away as well, and Josh is fast to replace it with his own.

Brendon caves completely when Josh touches him. It's so different from Tyler. He's needy and not assertive, and desperate compared to demanding.

He loves it. He loves most things Josh does.

Soon though, there's three hands on him. Josh at the front, one of Tyler's at his side, and the other down his shorts another time. They must have done this before too, because they give him time to warm up to it. He drools against the fabric of their dress when they prod again, and Brendon goes into a whole other headspace the more intense it becomes. Everything tingles, everything feels distant, everything feels fake. Brendon doesn't hold himself back any longer when Josh palms him right as Tyler finally pushes their finger in. A world collides with another, he decides. Brendon's chest hurts when he let's out the most pathetic of groans mixed with the loudest whimper.

His face sinks deeper into Tyler's chest when their finger does the same to his ass.

Brendon makes incoherent noises the farther they push, hands tightening around their dress as best as he can, and it isn't until then when Brendon realizes Tyler is shushing him quietly. It isn't in a rude way, definitely not, they're being so sweet Brendon could cry. God. He wants to cry. It burns slightly and he hates that he's already thinking about the pain when this is nothing. There's so much more to come.

It isn't terrible. He knew it was likely to be this way, but it does help that Tyler is being as careful as they can. They stop pushing once it's enough and allow him to get settled, allow him to breathe, and to whine, and to let it all out.

"Are you okay?" They ask, softly. It's what he needs right now.

Brendon's hands stay clenched around their dress but he does find it in himself to lift his head and look at them, trembling while he nods.

"Do you want me to keep going?" They continue.

He nods again.

Tyler does too.

After a moment, they kiss him tenderly as they move their finger out slightly, then right back in, and Brendon moans against them, eyes closing, eyebrows knotting together. He's so out of mind that he almost doesn't notice Josh using his other hand to hold Brendon's, but once he does, he pulls away from Tyler and kisses him instead, panting into his mouth by accident when he picks up the pace at his frontside.

He isn't going to last long. He never does really, still, nothing can beat the feeling of having both Tyler and Josh touching him at once, making him feel good together.

Tyler moves so slowly, in and out, and Josh moves quickly, up and down. Brendon can't help but groan because of it, face falling onto Josh's shoulder while his thighs tremble. "Fuck," he breathes.

The hand Tyler has at his waist goes to squeeze his ass, causing, once again, another pitiful noise to fall from him. He likes it. Anything they do he enjoys, and he wants them to do it again, so, he supposes subconsciously, he arches his back and looks at them, adoring the way they don't even hesitate to do it another time.

"Want me to add another?" They question afterwards.

Brendon finds it so fucking arousing that they ask for his permission to do any little thing, and even though he has no idea whether he can take another one of their fingers right now, he nods anyways. Tyler sounds sure that he can. That must mean something.

He's so taken over by lust that his paranoia is almost gone entirely.

Tyler doesn't take their eyes off him when they slowly begin to push their pointer finger alongside their middle one. And, if Brendon thought the first time burned, he's absolutely wrong. He winces as soon it happens, whimpering brokenly as they do it. His hand squeezes Josh's so hard he might as well be cutting off his circulation. It burns. It fucking burns, badly, and he can't help the tears that well in his eyes.

"It's okay," Josh reassures, kissing his ear. "Just give it a second."

Brendon squeezes his eyes shut another time, body shaking, dick throbbing, chest aching. He breathes out the most twisted noises, exhales stuttering, mind spinning. It's so much.

Like before, Tyler gives him time to get used to it, and when Josh's moving hand makes his abdomen tighten, he knows there's little time left before this is over. He wants to feel the overwhelming pleasure he knows is there. He craves it.

"Keep going." He tells them meekly, panting.

Tyler says nothing. They do exactly what they're told though, and Brendon slowly starts to understand why this type of situation is craved. Tyler's fingers feel so good his dick twitches just thinking about it, and he gets even closer to cumming when the sensation of them inside of him grows stronger.

"Fuck," he groans.

"Are you close?" Tyler asks him.

Brendon nods frantically, eyes rolling while his hips start to do the same.

Josh's hand is so giving, and Tyler's fingers are too. He's chasing something he knows is there, moaning when Josh touches his balls, gasping when Tyler rubs against his walls. It feels like time freezes when they suddenly hit something inside him that makes him feel in colors, and immediately, Brendon gasps, choking on the idea.

"Ty-Tyler," they hit it another time; Brendon whimpers. "Oh, my god. Oh, my god."

His thighs clench around theirs, hips bucking when they do it again, and again, and again. He's so fucking close that he does nothing but whine, and all it takes is for Josh to suddenly slip his hand into Brendon's boxers for him to spill right in his palm. He's gasping, panting. He's seeing in white and nothing more, and he swears something is ringing in his ear.

Holy shit.

Brendon inhales, exhales, inhales, exhales, repeats.

He can hear Josh and Tyler kiss over his head while his mind and body are in a haze. He can feel Tyler carefully slip their fingers out of him too, which is so much more uncomfortable than he imagined it being that he mewls slightly because of it, and he let's out a sigh when Josh pulls his hand out as well.

Holy shit.

Brendon takes in a few more deep breaths before lifting his head up finally. He kisses Josh, then kisses Tyler, and cuddles into them with hopes they will take care of him like they always do.

Josh squeezes his hand, Tyler wraps their arms around him and makes sure not to touch anyone or anything with their dirtied one.

Josh too.

**Trigger warning over.**

"Bren?" Tyler gets out.

His heart is racing. "Hm?"

"How are you feeling?" They wonder, slowly running their fingers up and down his back.

Everything feels distant. The euphoria is swallowing him whole, though. "Good." He whispers. It's muffled.

Tyler nods. "Do you think you can let Josh and I up to wash our hands, baby?"

Brendon can't say no when they ask so sweetly. Without a word, he carefully sits up and moves out of the way so the two of them have room to get up. Josh gives him a small smile before he let's go of his hand and has Tyler help him up from the couch, and with that, Brendon watches them both walk to the kitchen to wash their hands off.

He swallows thickly while he does so, the reality of what just happen hitting him like a truck.

He can't believe he did that.

Brendon wants to be more concerned but he's out of it. Really, really out of it. To the point where it seems like Tyler and Josh are walking back to him in seconds, and all he does is reach out to one of them until they're sitting back down to hold him. It's Josh. It's Josh and his hair is still tickling Brendon to no end.

"I don't want you to go tonight." He suddenly voices.

He wants them both to take care of him until tomorrow. Is that too much to ask for? It is his birthday, after all.

"I have work tomorrow, babe." Josh utters.

Brendon wishes he didn't hear that.

Tyler sighs to themself, arms crossed over their chest as they stare down at the two of them. "Just set an alarm." They decide. "We can stay."

Josh looks up at them, thinking for a moment before he nods. "Okay." He turns to Brendon again. "Do you want to start getting ready for bed, then? You look exhausted."

He is.

"Okay," he mutters. When he looks over to the TV though, an idea comes to mind. "I wanna sleep in here."

"On the couch?" Tyler wonders.

Brendon shakes his head. "We can bring my mattress in, yeah?"

Tyler's eyebrows raise. "You and Josh can do that, I'm going to put away leftovers." As soon as they say that, they're walking off, back into the kitchen, so Brendon looks at Josh and smiles playfully.

He chuckles. "Come on, let's get it done. I'm tired too."

Brendon stands up from the couch happily when he says that.

The two of them spend longer than they probably needed getting the mattress into the livingroom and on the floor along with pillows and blankets. Once it's done though, Brendon feels a pathetic tug at his heartstrings from how homey this feels. Especially when Tyler's finished putting everything away and turns off all the lights, letting Brendon watch Josh undress down to his boxers with only the TV allowing him to see.

He crawls up in front of Brendon, who's on the side of the mattress that's against the couch, and naturally he becomes the little spoon. He doesn't say a word, but nothing really needs to be said. Not at all. Not when he grabs Brendon's arm and wraps it around himself with the hand that was full of his cum only so long ago, and not when Brendon's fingers accidentally rest on his happy trail.

Brendon will admit that he has a lot to say when Tyler finally gets ready for bed, though. They slip off their dress amongst the darkness in the corner of the room, and when they walk in front of the television, something becomes very clear to him. He tries not to let his eyes wander, because he's used to seeing Tyler almost completely naked; he's just not used to seeing. . . More than that. It's so prominent he wants to ask if they'd like for him to help, yet the longer he thinks about it, he realizes the last thing Tyler probably wishes right now is for anyone to talk about or touch their genitals.

Brendon let's it be.

When they lay down beside Josh, them and Brendon stare at one another. They reach out to run their fingers through his hair, and after a moment, they slip off his glasses and set them aside.

"You're so cute after you cum." They whisper.

Brendon cheeks go hot, fast. "Shut up." He mutters, and their eyes close while they smile, then laugh.

They're happy.

"Would you let me finger you again?" They wonder-- they're so fucking playful and teasing right now, Brendon's going mad.

He says nothing in response, simply cuddling further into Josh. He's warm.

Tyler hums, eyes closing. Whatever will come from their mouth at this point is something nobody can bet on. They're relentless, but he likes it. "It wasn't too much for you, was it? Josh and I don't ever want to push you."

Brendon becomes sincere quickly. They're always looking out for him. "It was good." He whispers, heart beating loudly in his ears. "It was really good."

Tyler nods. "I'm glad." They murmur. "You sounded so hot." They suddenly comment, and Brendon's body flushes in seconds.

"Goodnight, Tyler." Brendon shakes his head, kissing Josh's neck. He's already dead asleep. It seems to be a common thing after he gets worked up. It's cute.

Tyler chuckles. "Goodnight, Brend." Their foot touches his; they interlock legs naturally. "Happy birthday."

Brendon falls asleep with a faint smile on his face. He's ecstatic. This might have been the best birthday he has ever had. Yeah, he's insecure about the fact that he doesn't last long when the three of them do stuff together, and he's severely insecure about Tyler and Josh thinking he's pathetic because of the way he acts when they do anything, but having Josh cuddle to his side and Tyler run their fingers through his hair while they express their adoration for him makes any worry wash away in the blink of an eye.

This birthday has been many things, yet he can't deny that he feels so much closer to Tyler and Josh more than ever before, and in the grand scheme of things, that's all that really matters to Brendon in the end.

***

Thank you ElliotIsGayImElliot for being one of the biggest talents I know and drawing another piece for Loyalty. I love it and I love you.