TRIGGER WARNINGS:

- Body image.
- Sexual content.
- Mentions of past misgendering.

I wanted to thank you all for your endless amount of love and support. Loyalty has officially reached 100k reads, and every time I see it, a big smile grows on my face. I'm so grateful for each and every one of you. The community we have built within this is beautiful and I hope it continues to stay that way.

**Body image trigger warning starts now.**

***

Brendon stares at himself in the mirror, body awake, mind asleep. His eyes are only looking at one thing, and one thing only. It's absurd. It's unbelievable. He can't bring his attention to anything else because of the overwhelming amount of thoughts circulating his head.

"How the fuck do I cover this up," he gets out.

Tyler chuckles, leaning forward to kiss his hickey. "You can wear one of my turtlenecks."

Brendon finally looks away then, focusing on them instead. They aren't wearing a shirt and he's pretty sure they haven't been since he got in bed last night, but now he sees them, most of them, yet keeping those velvet pants on only leaves so much to consider.

"Could I?" Brendon wonders.

"Yeah, of course." Tyler murmurs. "I'll go get you one. Black?"

Brendon nods slowly, eyes widening slightly to himself.

As Tyler walks out, his heart races. All he is able to think about is how sure they sounded, no hesitation, no worry that he wouldn't fit into one of their tops. When he first met them and Josh, a time came where Brendon had to borrow a sweater, and he remembers vividly that Josh had given him his own because he didn't think Tyler's would fit him considering their smaller size.

With the certainty now, his worries grow stronger.

He can fit into Tyler's clothes. He can fit into Tyler's clothes.

He used to only be able to fit into Josh's.

Brendon feels himself shrink at that. It may not seem like such a big deal, but the difference between himself and Tyler is that they're naturally thin, and he is definitely not.

Tyler eats. Tyler doesn't have anxiety attacks over the thought of getting something down. Tyler can look in the mirror and easily say that they are healthy. Tyler cooks for themself, for everyone, and enjoys it. Tyler is comforted by food, Brendon despises it. Tyler can walk around the house with their shirt off an not have a single worry about doing so.

Being able to officially fit into their clothes is not a victory, it's a warning sign.

"Hey," Josh pipes up, leaning onto him, connecting their hands together. "You okay?"

Brendon swallows thickly. He can't help but say absolutely nothing, all he feels capable of doing is fall against his chest and carefully grab Josh's empty hand, bringing it around him. A hug. A protection.

**Trigger warning over.**

He can hear Josh's heart skip a beat, yet he doesn't ever question the situation, he just holds him tighter, kissing his forehead, rocking their bodies side-to-side.

"Do you remember what Tyler was telling you last night?" He asks gently.

Brendon shrugs. "Barely. I was super stoned." He whispers.

Last night was a rollercoaster, truthfully. He was soaring so high yet dropped faster than what was imaginable. After he got home though, it was better. Despite the cold nipping at his skin, going side-to-side in the hammock just like he and Josh are doing now is exactly what he needed. The stars gave him a place to stay, and once he got back inside, Tyler and Josh embedded tempting new ideas into his head. They were stuck at that time-- fuck, they still feel stuck-- but he's trying his hardest to brush them all aside.

That is offensively difficult when the majority of your neck is covered in heavy purples and dark reds.

Josh places another kiss to his skin, right on the temple.

"You did so good last night." He reminds him. Kiss. "They were telling you how much it means to us that you went out even though you hate it." Kiss. "You ordered for yourself, too. That's awesome." Kiss. "You're awesome, babe." Kiss.

Brendon's cheeks take the heat. He gives him a small smile. "All your praise is gonna kill me." He comments.

Josh chuckles, pulling away so he can face him.

They stare at one another, only for a moment before he leans forward and presses his lips upon Brendon's. "Maybe that's another thing you like." He whispers against him, devious, referencing what he brought up to Tyler before they all fell asleep.

Brendon's heart skips a beat.

"Don't make me pull your hair." He gets out, trying to play along, and even he's surprised by himself.

Josh immediately drops to his shoulder, a laugh that shakes both their bodies falling from him. He nods, nods and nods and nods, stepping away from Brendon while biting the smile off of his face.

"We don't kink-shame in this house." He states, head tilted, eyebrow quirked.

Brendon's Adam's apple bobs but his soft smile never flees. "Obviously."

Josh hums, chuckling another time. Before either of them could say anything else, Tyler walks back into the bathroom, handing Brendon the turtleneck. "That should work," they mumble, meeting eyes with him afterwards. They catch the sheepishness, the flushed features. "What's wrong?"

Brendon sucks in his bottom lip, shrugging, but Josh laughs another time which gauges Tyler's interest.

"You know, having a casual conversation about our interests." Josh says.

"Your hair pulling kink doesn't classify as an interest." Tyler replies.

"Fuck you."

"That piques my interest." Tyler jokes, arms crossed over their chest with a chuckle bubbling from there.

Brendon shakes his head, body overwhelmed. Josh is loving this far too much, both of them are, really, by the small smirks on their faces to the playful tones each of them have. They're teasing. They adore teasing one another, and being able to witness it first hand constantly is something else.

"Shouldn't you be making breakfast now, babe?" Josh tries.

Tyler hums. "You have to pay interest first."

They pucker their lips, eyes closing.

Josh laughs lightly to himself. He slowly toes over to them and presses two soft kisses on each of their shoulders, afterwards, his fingers do a gentle dance up their bare waist. Tyler let's it happen, still keeping their lips puckered and eyes closed as Brendon watches it all.

Josh loves them. God, Josh loves them. He treats their body like gold and Brendon can't help but agree that it is. He brings his hands up their sides, following the trail their body leads, all the way to their head. Then, once Josh pulls them into a deep kiss, they both smile, and Brendon's heart swells.

Tyler nods. "What's on the menu, sir?" They ask their husband.

"What do we have left?"

Tyler sighs, leaning back. "You're right." They mumble. "We really need to go grocery shopping."

Josh nods in agreement. "So pancakes again?" He asks, looking over to Brendon after Tyler agrees, and he does too.

"Pancakes it is." Tyler confirms. Afterwards, once they catch Brendon standing there with the turtleneck in hand, they take a step closer to the door. "Meet us downstairs once you change, Bren."

Brendon grips the fabric underneath his fingertips harder than before. "Okay," he gets out.

With that, Tyler and Josh leave him be.

He locks the door behind them and carefully starts undressing. It's not much at first really, but the more skin he sheds, the more his brain takes control of the situation. Somehow, it isn't terrible. It's not terrible at all, and that's what shocks him so much. For once he doesn't mind looking at himself, because instead of knowing how egregious he is inside and out, he actually feels great.

There is nothing right now to worry about. He's bare to the bone and still, a smile creeps up on his face. Tyler and Josh have slowly started to give him the idea that perhaps he actually is appealing. Attractive. Sexy. Sexy enough that they will leave marks of love across his neck for others to see and know that he's off limits. Sexy enough that they want him, beg for him, flush bright red for him. Sexy enough that he can even turn them on.

Holy shit.

Brendon shakes his head, breathing in, breathing out.

He sounds as horny as a teenager, yet in all honesty, he really is beginning to feel that way. He hasn't done anything close to this since highschool and now that he's experiencing such a vivid rush again, he can't get his head away from the thought. It's beyond difficult to consider anything else when he has shoved these desires down so long in order to keep himself steady. He has work, he has his mom to care of, he has absolutely hankering anxiety-- he has no time to think about getting off.

Maybe soon things can change. Now that he is pacing himself enough, maybe. Now that Tyler and Josh are hammering these ideas in so deep, maybe.

God, what's happening to him?

Brendon supposes neglecting all of his sexual desires for years on end is only going to make the impact much, much stronger when he finally gives in to it. Things. Stuff. More than just hickeys. Sex.

It's terrifying. So unbelievably terrifying, but for some reason, he thinks he's beginning to. . . Want it.

The idea makes him shiver.

Finally though, Brendon eventually does get dressed. Seeing himself in Tyler's clothes gives him mixed emotions. He doesn't like that he fits into them, he fucking hates it, but still, he finds comfort in everything besides that. It's them. It's Tyler. They will be with him throughout the whole day and there's nothing more heartwarming than that.

Once he's done getting ready, he tosses his bag onto the floor beside the bed in their room and heads downstairs. And, to no surprise, Josh is clinging to Tyler like they might disappear at any second. They're at the stove cooking pancakes while his arms are wrapped around their waist, chin resting on their shoulder, hips pressed to their backside.

Without a second to pass either, Brendon immediately walks over to them and kisses Josh's neck, slowly gripping his waist through the thin shirt he's wearing.

The smooth grin that spreads across Josh's face is absurd.

Carefully, he turns around in Brendon's hold and tilts his head. "Do it again," he says, humming beforehand.

Brendon brushes his hair out of the way. Afterwards, he leans in to kiss his neck again, right where he left a hickey. It's fading, nearly gone, but it's still visible enough.

Josh breathes out, pleased. He holds onto his shoulder when the grip he has at his waist grows stronger, and with that, Brendon pulls back, entranced by the way Josh's eyes become hooded so easily, and how his sharp teeth tug at his bottom lip for just a mere moment.

"I can't even begin to tell you how much I love being handled." Josh whispers.

Brendon closes his eyes at that. Processing, shaking his head. "You're really just letting loose today, aren't you."

Josh shrugs. "I'm always loose."

"Jesus Christ," Tyler mumbles. "Josh."

Josh chuckles, holding Brendon's hands at his waist. "Shut up, you were literally doing the same thing yesterday."

Tyler places the pancake they were cooking onto a plate, setting the spatula off to the side before facing the two of them. They blink, looking down at their husband, who is obviously still fueled off of what the three of them were sharing last night. Yeah, maybe Brendon is as well, but he's far too anxiety-ridden to ever say something that extreme.

"Yes. I made one joke about kissing your ass." They state. "You just insinuated to him that I fuck you so much, you're always loose."

Josh smiles, all-lip, sly. "I wasn't insinuating."

Tyler shakes their head. "Go sit down." They decide.

"Ty--"

"Go sit down."

Josh sighs, letting go of Brendon's hands, slowly walking over to the table and taking a seat.

Tyler shakes their head again, eyes focusing back on Brendon. "He's crazy,"

"I can literally hear you." Josh says.

"You both are crazy." Brendon assures, heart beat thumping in his ears, but nonetheless he gives them a soft smile.

"Ouch." Tyler replies.

Brendon leans his head onto their chest, delicate as he bring his arms around them. The warmth of their bare skin is more calming than it should probably be. "Can I kiss you without you telling me how. . . Loose you are. . ."

Tyler chuckles, nodding. "You don't have to worry about that, because I'm not."

Brendon huffs, trying his hardest not to dwell too much on it because whether or not these thoughts will make him nervous right now or simply make him even more enticed, he has no idea.

Wordlessly, he kisses their skin. Comforted. Needy. Confused. Scared. Tempted. Terrified.

He runs his nose in circles on their chest, smiling softly to himself as he remembers his mother calling these butterfly kisses. He wants to give them and Josh is all, constantly, but is so threatened by that at the same time. He's willing to show him his affection comes in waves, just perhaps he needs to dip his toes in first.

Tyler kisses his forehead. "Are you doing alright?"

Brendon nods easily, letting himself get lost in the coziness of this action.

"You seem very. . . Clingy right now." They mention. They don't mean it rudely, and Brendon understands what they're trying to say, because usually he stresses over any simple touch and is never bold enough to just hold them and kiss them like he's doing now.

"I know I'll be missing you both while I'm gone." He murmurs. "I'm trying to get as much affection as I can before I leave."

Tyler chuckles, fingers naturally moving to his hair. "We can give you as much affection as you need, angel."

Brendon's heart stops.

His blood is practically boiling when he hears it, skin flushing every warm color imaginable and he is sure that Tyler can feel it, too.

He swallows thickly, every last bit of saliva it seems; his mouth is completely dry afterwards. "I like that." He whispers. "I like it a lot when you and Josh call me stuff like that." He admits.

Tyler hums. "I know."

Brendon closes his eyes, nodding. Josh calls him pet names constantly, and he thought he was getting used to them, never really blushing or becoming feeble at the words anymore, but when Tyler says them. . . They have a different affect. Whether that's because they don't do it nearly as often as Josh or it has to do with the fact that there's something more. . . Arousing when it comes from them, he doesn't know.

To Brendon, Tyler is easily in a place of power above him. They have full control, every form of dominance, unlike him, so really, there is no other way for him to respond besides giving them his utter submission.

With Josh, the two of them are relatively similar, and he thinks that might be why it's more casual between them.

But god, that one word really isn't helping Brendon push down every temptation coming his way.

"Can I get a kiss?" He suddenly asks.

Tyler says nothing, they only lift his face from off of their chest and stare at him, hand at his chin, thumb prodding against his bottom lip. There's something there, there always has been, but as usual, he shoves it down, deep, deep down, never to be considered or thought about, never to be dreamed of or fantasized. Now though-- why-- he's thinking of it. Of everything. Of every possibility and craving-- he shouldn't be-- yet with each atom his character is built from, he's practically begging for it. Please. Please. Please.

"Please."

Tyler blinks. They blink, and again, simply stare. Why are they staring? What is there to consider? What does he need to do in order to get them to give in?

"What are you thinking about?" Brendon whispers, meek, but a natural kind opposed to his common clinical one.

"If you should beg for it." They say, calmly, and once again, Brendon's heart stops another time, body becoming even more hot.

"Please," he repeats.

The corner of their lips tug upwards. "You're so good."

Brendon doesn't know what's happening or how to process it, still, he can quite clearly understand that he's enjoying this despite the anxiety slowly creeping up his spine like something venomous and ready to attack.

"Please." He gets out, hopefully for the last time, because his dignity is plummeting rapidly from how much pride he is willing to give up just for something as small as a kiss from them. Yet, it seems like this has to do with a lot more than just a kiss.

Tyler brushes the pad of their thumb against his lip one last time before finally closing the gap between them. It's not at all forceful, it's actually the opposite, and Brendon finds himself chasing after their lips when they slowly pull away. His eyes are closed, theirs are too. He finds them again though, and when he does, he consumes them to try and fix all of his hunger pains.

"You both really need to stop. This isn't helping me feel any less horny." Josh comments from the table.

Tyler laughs at that, upon Brendon, with him. There's such a rush coarsing through his veins that he can't even take into account the anxiety he could have about this situation, because to him, this couldn't have gone any better. He feels good, so, so good. A small void has been filled, but he also knows a bigger void is soon to come.

Tyler officially pulls away from him then, looking over to their husband. "You're just jealous because you want in on the fun."

"That's the problem, asshole." Josh grumbles.

Tyler shakes their head with an all-lip smile, focusing on Brendon again. "Go sit with him. The poor man needs attention."

Josh gives them the middle finger absentmindedly.

"Okay." Brendon whispers.

Tyler nods along. "And when you walk away, do it very slowly, please."

Brendon's brows pull together. "Why. . .?"

Tyler shrugs. "If you got to check my ass out last night, the least you can do is let me check out yours."

Brendon's eyes carefully lead down their body, seeing the subtle dip at their waist, seeing how enticing their happy trail is, seeing their thighs fit the velvet so well, seeing them. Most of them. And he can't help but wonder if he might see all of them one day.

Really, he already almost has.

"Okay, I guess you can check me out again, too." They mumble.

Brendon clears his throat, eyes fleeing back to their face. "Sorry," he gets out. "You uh-- you-you just look. . . Really. . . Good. . . Right now." He admits, sheepishly.

Tyler chuckles. "Because I'm half naked, really? What a pervert." They joke.

"No, I--"

"Just turn around and walk away already, Bren." They say.

Brendon sighs, slowly turning around. He makes his way to the table in nearly an awkward manner, because he doesn't know exactly what Tyler is expecting of him, but he does know that they're watching, looking, perving. When he sits down beside Josh, he glances over to them, seeing how they nod to themself before picking up the spatula again, continuing to make breakfast.

Jim immediately moves to Brendon's legs then. He gets hair all over his slacks, leaving him to sigh, but nonetheless Brendon scratches his head, grinning to himself when Jim's tongue falls out of his mouth happily. They're like that for a while until Josh speaks up again.

"My favorite boys," He murmurs.

Brendon hums. "I already told Jim he was my favorite a long time ago, sorry the feeling isn't mutual."

"You can have two favorites." Josh mentions.

"I actually have three favorites." Brendon suddenly informs, slowly leaning his head onto Josh's shoulder. He can't get over how much both he and Tyler feel like home to him now. "One of them isn't a boy, though." He smiles another time to himself.

"If they're your favorite, they must be pretty great." Josh plays.

Brendon nods, fingers slowly intertwining with his. "You might know them."

"There's no way I'm that lucky,"

Brendon chuckles, looking up at him. His eyelashes aren't as long as Tyler's but that doesn't mean they aren't as pretty. "I actually think you're married to them, so I guess you are that lucky."

Josh's eyes widen. "Wow." Then, he laughs, glancing over to Tyler who's shaking their head, so amused by the two of them. Josh squeezes Brendon's hand. "Actually, I remember who we're talking about." He looks back at him. "Met in college. Fell in love like a couple of losers. Got married. And that's where our first favorite boy came in." He uses his free hand to scratch beneath Jim's chin. "Few years later, our second favorite boy came in."

Brendon smiles, heart in his throat. He doesn't think he has ever been anyones favorite before.

"Can you two stop being a couple of saps?" Tyler intervenes. "Breakfast is done."

Josh doesn't even have to be told, because it's a routine. He immediately let's go of Brendon's hand and steps up from his seat, moving over to the coffee maker, pouring each of them their servings. Brendon watches with a weak grin. He's home. He has never felt this comfortable. Josh's hair is a mess and his shirt fits him perfectly, and Tyler is looking at him like they usually do, but Brendon can't bring himself to worry.

"Bren, can you give Jim his food?" They ask him.

He loses focus on Josh, moving it to them instead. They're glowing. Literally. So bare, so tan. So beautiful.

"Yeah." He gets out.

While he does that, they make plates and grab silverware for the three of them. Afterwards too, they come together, smile after smile and not a single ounce of anxiety, which is so unbelievably rare that Brendon almost doesn't believe it's true.

"When I take pictures of you after work, you should smile just like that." Josh comments.

Brendon shakes his head, cheeks high, mouth closing. "I forgot about that."

"I'm not gonna let it go." He informs.

"I know, Josh. I know." Brendon slowly grabs ahold of his coffee cup, bringing it to his lips. He let's the warmth consume him, hoping that it will be just as comforting as the golden color of Tyler's skin and the dark shades of Josh's eyes.

It is.

"I'm so excited." Josh whispers, nearly to himself. "I've wanted to take pictures of you so for long. You're really photogenic."

Brendon blinks. "Me?"

"Yeah,"

Brendon's brows pull together, eyes gauging his plate. He's about to look back at Josh but instead takes a long deep breath at what Tyler decided to shape the pancakes today.

They're not hearts.

"Really," he murmurs.

Tyler shrugs. "Testing out my creativity." They say. "Besides, I'm sure Josh loves it."

"Love what--" he stops when looking down at the food. His lips turn upwards quickly. "Yummy."

Dicks.

They're in the shape of dicks.

Well, most are. Brendon catches that himself and Tyler have two round pancakes connected together, which can only be asses. Especially because Tyler even took the time to cut a small hole in both of them, directly in the middle.

He shakes his head again. "I'm not sure I'm. . . Ready to eat ass. . ."

Tyler says nothing, simply pushing their plate to his and using their fork to take that pancake, giving him their dick one instead.

Brendon closes his eyes, chuckling to himself at how ridiculous all of this is.

"Is that alright?" They wonder.

Brendon shrugs. "I guess."

Tyler's face barely shows a single ounce of emotion and still, he can tell they're amused, cocky. He doesn't know what they're trying to accomplish with this, yet, he can't bring himself to care. Brendon swears his mind must be fatigued from the weed settling throughout the night.

"Thank you for breakfast, Ty." Josh says after he takes his first bite.

Tyler hums. "The one time you actually say thank you."

"A gay's duty, my love." Josh jokes, taking another bite, watching their partner with hooded eyes. The love that is laced with his stare is something out of this world and Brendon only feels capable of watching as well. Josh swallows his food then, leaning forward and kissing their shoulder. "Let me photograph you today, too." He murmurs.

Tyler doesn't even look at him. "No."

"Ty,"

"You know I don't like it anymore." They mumble.

"Not even just some with Brendon?" He tries.

Tyler glances over to the latter, seeing wide eyes, a full cheek. They suck on their lip for a moment. "Okay," they decide. "I guess that would be alright."

Josh smiles, nodding. It's not until they take a bite of their pancake where he's cutting a piece of his and whispers roughly to himself, "You don't like when I take photos of you my ass, the second Tyler folder says otherw--"

Tyler's hand flies down beneath the table, right to Josh's front side, and from the reaction they recieve from that, Brendon easily catches what they have done.

A loud "oh-f" sound flees from his mouth. Immediately, his head falls against the table, knuckles turning white and pink around his fork. Josh hisses in pain but laughs at the same time while Tyler shakes their head to themself, once again amused, but also genuinely looking dignified.

"You need to shut your mouth." They state. "That's not a joke either, it's a warning."

Josh's eyes are squeezed shut, his hollow laughs still carrying on. "You're no fun." He gets out. "Just because Brendon is here?"

Tyler looks down at him with such a terrifying look, even Brendon catches a chill run down his own spine. "Yes, Josh. That's right." They mutter. "You know what he told us the other night, so I'm trying to make sure we aren't making him too uncomfortable with situations like these."

It hits Brendon hard then.

Oh.

"It's alright," he suddenly comments. "I-- it's fine. I mean, yeah, it kinda surprises me sometimes but it doesn't. . . bother me."

Josh throws his hand out. "See!"

Tyler shakes their head, looking at Brendon. "Don't encourage him."

Brendon bites harshly at his gum, shaking his head as well. "I'm-I'm serious." He takes a deep breath, not exactly used to speaking out. "I'm not a kid. I know that it's sad that I haven't gotten to experience shit yet, but. . . I wouldn't want you to limit yourself because of me. Say whatever you want. Do whatever you want. If I'm ever going to get anywhere with that, being treated like I'm. . . Innocent or something isn't gonna help."

Tyler softens then. "I know that." They assure. "I was only saying that considering I know you struggle being comfortable in certain situations and I wouldn't want you to become overwhelmed because of something we have said or done. Especially since this is fresh, and you took so long to tell us. It must mean you're relatively insecure about it."

Of course he's relatively insecure about it.

He's turning thirty in eight days and is still a fucking virgin.

Brendon huffs, collecting his thoughts. He swallows thickly. "Obviously." He whispers. "But I don't like it when you stop yourselves from saying things like that for my sake. I'm okay. I'll be okay. It does make me nervous sometimes but now that I've told you. . . I-I feel better about it, and I can already tell I'm getting comfortable when it comes to experiencing more with the two of you."

Josh finally lifts his head, as collected as he can possibly be after getting punched in the dick.

Tyler smiles softly. "You are, Bren." They have so much sincerity in their eyes, which is exactly what he needs right now. So much so that he finds his hands relaxing at his thighs, quitting from gripping at his legs, which he didn't realize he was doing until then. "The last thing we want to do is overwhelm you, and I just assumed talking about anything remotely related to sex right now, for the most part, might make you uncomfortable."

Brendon nods. He understands what they mean. He can't be upset with them either, because they're simply looking out for him. It's more than what most people do.

"You know. . . It's-it's not like I don't think about it. I do. I just have never expressed anything correlated to that before really, so I don't know how to respond or act most of the time."

Tyler hums. "It's a learning process."

"I guess so," he whispers, a blush slowly rising to his cheeks.

"It's okay to be horny." Josh pipes up, and both him and Tyler chuckle at that.

All Brendon can think is, of course that's coming from you right now.

Still, instead of saying that, he simply repeats it. "It's okay to be horny."

"It is." Tyler assures.

"Yeah." He whispers, pulling a knee to his chest, resting his head on it.

There's some silence. "You're horny right now, aren't you."

Brendon sighs. "Yeah." He whispers, again.

Tyler and Josh chuckle once more, and surprisingly, Brendon does too. His is more forced though in order to find a distraction. He can't believe he admitted that. He can't believe he is actually having this discussion with them.

"I don't think you're used to it." Tyler comments when seeing the state he's in.

Brendon slowly, feebly, meets eyes with them. He shakes his head.

Despite what he stated, he is also scared. Fucking terrified.

This whole feeling is so foreign to him, and no matter now pathetic that sounds, it's true. He hasn't felt this way since the last time he was even touched. After that, after Sarah was gone, so was everything else. He had nothing, felt nothing. He forgot about the rattling euphoria and the beauty of being one with someone since then, because he has had more than he can cope with. Horrendous mental issues, the stress of growing up, then having a job, and afterwards, an ill mother to take care of. He hasn't had a moment to give for himself. Brendon can't even remember the last time he touched himself. He's drained to the core. Lifeless.

At least he was. Slowly but surely though, Josh and Tyler are teaching him to live. They've been doing that so well, and still, Brendon knows the step he's missing. His body is brittle and untrained, yet his mind has been in serious preparation. Soon. He'll be ready soon.

"After we get photographed this evening, I'll give you a massage." Tyler says. "I think you need it."

Brendon stares numbly at them.

He has no idea what that means. Absolutely no idea.

Yet, he nods anyways. Whatever it does mean, Tyler thinks he's ready for it, and he trusts their judgement.

Brendon slowly focuses back on his food then, thinking to himself that if they genuinely are just saying he needs a massage, his train of thought is going to be embarrassing in the long run.

***

Tyler and Josh both kiss him a lot longer than they usually do before he leaves for work this time. Tyler even pulls away once, meets his eyes, and brings him back in by yanking his tie. Brendon thinks they're about to add tongue too, but they take a step back, lips typically swollen, eyes naturally hooded.

"See you soon." They whisper, hand moving to hold Josh's waist.

Brendon smiles carefully, just his lips. "See you soon."

Immediately, as he steps out the front door and unlocks his car, taking a seat, he sighs loudly, practically growls, hitting the edge of his steering wheel once.

He is overwhelmed, and for once, it's not with anxiety. It's much, much worse than that.

***

Sitting at a desk all day is fucking dreadful. Today, at least. Especially today. His leg is bouncing from anticipation opposed to what it's normally bouncing from, and he is so out of mind that he can barely focus on the task at hand. He is too far gone that he even forgot about the scheduled meeting some of the staff is having. They are advised every so often and really, they're dreadfully boring.

How can we improve?

Are you aware that our sells are at risk of dropping?

Do you have any input on this?

Really, do you?

"Brendon," Ryan whispers in his ear to grab his attention.

Brendon looks up from his hands in a frantic manner then, swallowing thickly when everyone's eyes are on him.

Fuck. Fuck. "Um," he fiddles with his fingers. Fuck. He doesn't know what to say. Fuck. Everyone is looking at him. Fuck. Why can't he just be normal. Why can't he just say something. Anything.

Mr.Hall hums. "Moving on."

Brendon sighs, body heating up in the worst way possible.

Ryan pats his back for a mere moment when he catches the apprehension, focusing right back to the front of the room afterwards. Brendon sulks in pity for the rest of the time, in guilt, too. He knows he's letting his boss down, he knows he's letting himself down. He's a grown adult, he has worked this job for years, and still, he struggles with something as simple as speaking up in front of his peers.

It's so, so pathetic.

Once the meeting is done, being led into his lunch break, he waits until everyone leaves the room to speak independently with his boss. He's sheepish when he walks up to him, as usual, hand tucked behind his back and eyes as wide as can be.

"Mr.Hall," he gets out.

He's turning his laptop off from the presentation he had been showing everyone, glancing over to his employee.

"Brendon." Is all he says.

The latter's Adam's apple bobs, brows furrowed ever so slightly. "I'm sorry for my lack of words." He whispers. "I-I just have a lot on my mind. I promise I'll work on it."

Mr.Hall sighs, shaking his head while closing his laptop. He gives Brendon his full attention then, intimidating, disappointed. "You've been working here for over ten years. Ten years. You should have gotten better with that the first month, but you haven't, and it's sad because that is something extremely important when it comes to a work environment, especially if you are being asked for your opinion." Brendon feels himself shrink. "I know not everyone is naturally outspoken, but seriously, if you want to keep this job, you need to put more effort into it. I expect more from you by now, and not to sound harsh, but you're really letting me down, Brendon."

Brendon is at a loss. Plummeting. His mind is completely blank that all he manages to say is, "I'm sorry."

It's rewarded with another sigh.

"I don't want excuses, or apologies. Show me that you're actually willing to grow. It's about time." Mr.Hall pushes his glasses up, which makes Brendon subconsciously do the same thing. "I really don't mean to be harsh, yet at this point, I think it's the only thing that will help you proceed. So please, Brendon. This is your warning."

Brendon's chest stings. "Okay." He murmurs.

Mr.Hall nods. "I'll see you later." He ends with, walking out then without another second to spare.

Brendon simply stands there for a moment, heart silently crumbling, letting every word sink in, and it hurts. His self-esteem was already in danger and that entire conversation definitely didn't help.

With a long exhale, he walks out as well, dragging his feet towards the breakroom.

He's a living and breathing embarrassment. He has no right to be mad either, because every single thing that was said is true. Yes, his anxiety limits him from so much, but if he keeps telling himself he will never grow, he really won't. No matter how much he'd like it, and would benefit from it.

By the time he makes it into the breakroom, Luke already has both of their lunches ready.

Brendon carefully sits down, heart officially sunken.

Luke blinks, gauging his mood, slowly frowning. "Hey, are you alright?"

Brendon shrugs. "Meeting didn't go well."

Lukas swallows thickly, sighing. "Yeah," he murmurs. He wasn't there, only a specific group of employees were, but meetings are never fun, so of course he understands. "At least it's over, man." When he sees that Brendon doesn't seem relieved by that, he places a hand on his shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze. "It's alright."

Brendon exhales through his nose, nodding. "Thank you."

Luke nods as well, pulling his hand away. "Besides that, what's up with the turtleneck?" He asks, leaning back in his seat, slurping noodles afterwards.

Brendon hums. He finally looks up from his food, which, really, is haunting him at this point, and tilts his head. "I'm not sure you're ready to withhold that information." He jokes.

Luke hits his chest with a clenched fist twice. "Try me."

A timid smile pulls at Brendon's lips. He swallows his saliva, blinking, looking back down, nodding to himself before sheepishly pulling down one side of the turtleneck, the left side, Josh's side.

Luke's eyes widen. "Damn."

Brendon chuckles in a small manner, gradually pulling down the other side, Tyler's side, the much, much darker side. They were a lot more passionate about marking his skin than Josh was, but that's only because Josh had grown feeble, for multiple reasons.

Luke shakes his head, practically astounded by all of this. "That's insane." He whispers.

Brendon let's go of the shirt, focusing back on his friend, and his food. "We went on our first official date last night," he comments.

Luke bites his lip for a moment. "Seems like you went on a lot more than a date." He says absentmindedly, taking another bite of food.

If only.

Brendon sighs, mind leading back to the 'massage' he has waiting for him at home. He's excited, but also, very nervous, because he's still so unsure of the circumstance. It's not going to be too much for him, right? Tyler wouldn't do that to him. Yeah, he got overly-confident this morning and insinuated that he was ready for anything, but he's definitely, definitely not. He hopes that Tyler didn't get the wrong message.

Surely they aren't preparing some kind of sex enticement, right?

Oh, fuck. Is that what it's going to be?

Brendon clenches his thighs, eyes widening subtly.

He nearly reaches for his phone to text them, but also, what the hell would he say? You're not going to try and fuck me when I come back are you? Because I don't think I'm ready for that. Yet as soon as he thinks about it, that would be far too embarrassing to ever consider. Especially if that wasn't the case.

So, Brendon supposes all he can do is worry with anticipation and anxiety lurking over his shoulder.

That seems to be the case in any situation when it comes to Josh and Tyler, though.

***

When Brendon is parked at the curb in front of the house, he takes a deep breath to try and collect himself because, shit. Maybe he really isn't ready-- no, no, nevermind that's exactly the mindset his boss told him he needs to fix, and although this is in a much different instance, the statement still follows.

With that in mind, he steps out of his car and heads inside.

Easily too, Josh sees him come in, smiling. "Just in time!" He exclaims. "I just finished setting up."

He's in the same thing Brendon saw him in when he left, but somehow, if it's possible, his hair is even more messy than before. He brings Brendon into an embrace and kisses the top of his head.

"Just finished setting up what?"

"The set, dummy." He pulls away, such a wide grin on his face.

"The set?"

"Well, yeah. Ring lights and a backdrop." He pouts. "I am a professional, you know." When Brendon says nothing, he continues. "C'mon."

He drags him into the computer room where the empty corner is now filled with equipment, making Brendon's Adam's apple bob. There's a small stool in front of the tripod, reminding him of when he would have to take yearbook pictures in highschool, which ultimately makes him not excited for this.

He brings his attention elsewhere as Josh goes to mess with something on his camera.

He sees that Tyler's flag is still there on their side of the room, but what takes him by surprise is when he turns around to look at Josh's and sees a new addition to the wall decorations.

A rainbow flag.

"When d'you put that up?" He wonders.

Josh looks up to gauge what he's talking about. "Oh," he murmurs. "The other day. Tyler ordered one for me when I wouldn't stop complaining about how empty my side of the wall was." He chuckles to himself, focus moving back to the camera.

Brendon smiles, nodding. "Where are they, anyways?"

"Upstairs getting ready."

Brendon blinks. "Should. . . Should I be getting ready too?"

Josh shakes his head, standing straight again. "Sit down." He directs, and easily, Brendon does. The lights are a little obnoxious but he let's it slide as Josh crawls onto his lap. Wordlessly too, he starts unbuttoning his shirt. "How was work today?"

Brendon falters slightly at that. "Not. . ." He sighs. "Not great."

Josh stops for a second. He looks into Brendon's eyes with a sheerness to them, but nonetheless continues once catching his expression. "What happened?"

His throat is tight, strained, distracting. "We had a staff meeting and I guess I was just really out of it because. . . I-I got asked a question and couldn't bring myself to say anything once I saw that everyone was looking."

"Bren," Josh whispers.

He exhales. "I talked to my boss afterwards and he was not happy. . ." He gets out. "He pretty much told me I'm a dissapointment because of how little I've grown throughout my years of working there and if I don't learn how to be more. . . Extroverted soon, I'm. . . Gonna be fired."

Saying it outloud stings more than when he had been told so. His chest hurts. Burns. And as Josh finishes unbuttoning his top, he holds Brendon's cheek, staring down at him.

"Listen to me," he starts. "I know we haven't known you for as long as you've been working there, but you're getting so much better when it comes to that kind of stuff with us, and if you can bring that to your workplace, I know you'd do amazing." He kisses the top of his head. "You have so much potential to do great things and I don't want you to limit yourself."

Brendon is at a loss of words. He doesn't know what to say, so he ends up sticking his head into his chest instead. "You're gonna give me a big head if you keep telling me stuff like that." He mumbles.

Josh chuckles. "I like your big head."

Brendon pulls away to look at him. "Are you saying I already have a big head?"

Josh chuckles another time, fingers moving to press against Brendon's forehead. "Maybe. But you fit into your big head." Brendon's mouth falls agape, eyes widening dramatically. Josh laughs harder. "Hey, hey! At least your hairline isn't receding!"

"Who's hairline is receding?" It's definitely not Josh's.

"Tyler's." He says. "Don't tell them I told you that."

Brendon can't help but chuckle along with him, shaking his head. "We get it. You've got a beautiful mop of hair to match your perfect face."

Josh smiles. "Don't call it a mop."

"Josh, it got even messier since the last time I saw you."

Josh hums, becoming sly. "That's because Tyler was nice enough to indulge in my favorite interest when you left."

Brendon blinks.

"You're gross."

"Oh, shut up." Josh starts messing with his hair, probably for the shoot, probably because he can. "You know, you like your hair being played with too. I wouldn't doubt it if we ended up having the same interest."

The heat on Brendon's face says it all. "Be quiet." He whispers.

Josh smiles, pulling a strand of his hair before standing up. He says nothing after that, but Brendon's mind wanders the longer he thinks about it. He isn't surprised they had sex after he left. They were nearly fucking each other while he was here. What makes him swallow thickly are his previous worries he had been having at work.

"Josh," he starts.

He gets a hum in return as he tosses Brendon's button up aside.

"Is Tyler planning to do something else besides. . . Giving me a massage later?" He asks, quietly.

Josh meets eyes with him, his small smile still lingering. "Bren, you worry too much."

"No shit."

Josh snickers to himself, going back over to his camera again. He begins adjusting it to Brendon's level. "They're going to give you a massage. You're tense. You need it. And, you also need to stop worrying when it comes to instances like these. Neither of us would ever intentionally put you in a situation where you'd get overwhelmed."

Brendon sighs. "I guess I've been worrying that it won't just be a massage because. . . Maybe I want something else?" His cheeks stay heated.

"Then maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised."

Brendon feels his heart beat loudly. "What does that mean?"

Josh doesn't answer him, instead, his focus leads to the door as Tyler finally comes in. He smiles. "Now we can get started."

Tyler's eyebrows pull together. "Why were you waiting for me? You said you wanted to take some solo shots of him, too." They move to their desk chair, taking a seat, and slowly, they roll over so they're behind their husband, wrapping their arms around his waist.

"Well, what if I needed your input on something?"

"My input is that he looks really, really good in my turtleneck and those slacks." They murmur, nibbling at Josh's shirt absentmindedly afterwards.

"You're absolutely right." Josh looks at the camera, then to Brendon. "Are you ready?"

Brendon purses his lips. It feels like his ears are ringing with the small amount of information he has to process.

Nonetheless, he asks, "What do I do?"

"I'll tell you," Josh says. "For right now though, just look at the camera."

Brendon sighs, doing exactly that. Really, it's awkward. He's awkward. He doesn't enjoy the fact that the next however many minutes are going to be spent with Josh examining every little detail on his face. Both his and Tyler's attention is only on him.

When he hears Josh take the first picture too, it ultimately makes him more sheepish.

The smile that spreads across Josh's face is inane.

Brendon swallows the saliva pent up in his mouth. "Why did you want to take pictures of me again?"

"Because you're cute," he replies.

Brendon shakes his head as he says it, the circumstance somehow making him easily flustered.

"Alright. You need to take your glasses off." Josh suddenly says. "The glare is shitty from the ring lights."

Before Brendon can do it himself, Tyler stands up to help, walking in front of him. He looks up to meet their eyes and the corner of their lips lift as they slide off his glasses. They even brush his hair back too, kissing his forehead for good measure, then his lips.

"I missed you." They tell him, quietly.

"I missed you too, Ty."

They nod to themself from his response, walking back down to where they were previously sitting, laying his glasses on the desk.

"Much better." Josh comfirms then, giddy. "Just look at the camera again. I need to retake that."

So Brendon does, and slowly but surely, he eases into the entirety of this. Josh guides him every step of the way, asks for things like a smile, or if he'd turn so he would be able to get his side profile, and he does it all, for him. Josh even whispers stuff to Tyler every so often and they both smile, making eye contact with him, but throughout the entire time, Brendon knows Tyler's staring. Their eyes are hooded, almost reminding him of the same look Josh gives them in the mornings, which simply makes his heart nearly beat out of his chest.

After a while though, Josh finally pulls out another stool beside Brendon, for Tyler. When they sit down, they kiss his shoulder as Josh fixes the camera angle in order to fit both of them into the frame.

"You look really handsome." They murmur.

Brendon's pulse is struggling.

Yet, he says nothing.

So of course, Tyler doesn't stop there. They stare at him for a moment, thinking that maybe he would respond, but once they come to the conclusion he won't, they kiss a part of his neck that isn't covered by the top he was loaned. A shiver runs down his spine when they do it, and another follows when they lead that kiss to behind his ear.

Though, that isn't all.

Tyler always keeps him on his toes.

He can hear them breathe out, the tip of their tongue slowly trailing from behind his ear at the bottom, all the way to the top, and Brendon gasps, fingers quickly moving to their knee to grip it.

Tyler chuckles, pulling away.

Brendon frantically meets eyes with them. Once again, he's flushed, but that isn't surprising at this point. "What was that for?"

"Trying to see if I could pull some reaction from you."

Brendon hums, clearing his throat. "Well, you did."

Before Tyler is able to answer, Josh speaks up ahead of them, grabbing both his and Tyler's attention. "Look at me," he directs. They do just that, and Brendon takes a deep breath when Tyler's hand subtly rests on his thigh. They know what they're doing. Maybe even Brendon knows what they're doing at this point. It's a distraction, an urge, a desire.

The camera is going off too, yet Brendon doesn't worry, because once again, his mind is somewhere else.

Tyler doesn't even look at him, doesn't take a single glance even when there's a moment between shots to do so. It makes it worse. Brendon wants to see their eyes, especially when their resting hand begins gripping his thigh slightly.

"Ty, lean your head on his shoulder." Josh murmurs.

Tyler does. Brendon's chest aches.

"Smile." Josh then says.

When Tyler let's out a noise of displeasure, he lifts his eyebrows, giving them a certain look, and so Tyler follows through with the instruction, Brendon following their lead.

Josh takes a lot more pictures of Tyler and Brendon together than when it was just him. Whether that's because this is probably one of the only instances he can get to photograph his spouse so easily, or simply because Brendon might seem more at ease knowing they're by his side through it all, he has no idea. Still, Brendon doesn't mind. Any chance he is able to get to be with Josh and Tyler, he'll take it. Nothing overcomes the joy that's withheld in his chest when he sees Josh grin at every picture he is taking, and Tyler smiling carefully to themself when noticing.

Brendon has so much admiration in his heart for these two people, and it aches. It aches beautifully.

"Just a few more shots and I'm done," Josh announces.

Brendon nods out of relief, biting his bottom lip in anticipation. What's next after this? The massage?

"Kiss." Josh suddenly says.

Brendon's eyes widen, body flaring with heat as soon as the words cross his ears. "What?" He gets out, chest aching from anxiety instead of what it had been overwhelmed with previously.

"You act like we have never kissed," Tyler murmurs.

Brendon looks over to them, brows pulled together, hand moving to fiddle with his beltloop. "No. . . No, I-I just, I-- uh," breathe. Think. Picture what you need say in your head. "I don't know. Isn't-isn't that a little weird? Like. . . Kissing in front of a camera?"

"Don't think about it." They tell him. "Just kiss me. Like you would any other day."

Brendon deflates.

Tyler squeezes his thigh. "Hey, it's okay."

Brendon swallows thickly, nodding. He trusts them. He trusts Josh. He can do this as long as they're here.

Brendon looks into their eyes with hopes that they will lead him, which, of course they do. Their free hand moves to his cheek and caresses it softly. Brendon caves then. He always caves. As their lips meet his, he sinks into it, a little flushed with everything surrounding them but the hand Tyler has at his thigh, the tip-toeing and light teasing, it distracts him from every snap and click going off in his ear.

Their thumb runs along his cheekbone as they breathe him in, lips on lips, lip above one, lips devouring.

Slowly, once Tyler is certain Josh has enough content for whatever this is possibly for, they pull away, smiling carefully when they see the warm colors across Brendon's entire face.

Brendon closes his eyes, exhaling.

He wants comfort now. He wants a soft kiss on his head and words of encouragement. He always does after Tyler takes his breath away. Why is that? He just wants to feel protected from whatever could take a toll on him next, which he knows Tyler can do that. They're big, and really, in comparison to them, he is small.

Tyler seems to notice his train of thought; they bring him into as close as an embrace as they can between these stools, running a hand up and down his back. "You did so well, Brend." They assure, probably because they can most likely feel his heart about to beat out of his chest.

Maybe Brendon shouldn't have said what he did this morning; he is so fucking overwhelmed right now and not a single thing really happened.

Tyler's eyebrows pull together subtly when they catch every emotion pouring from him. "Do you want to hang out with me in the livingroom? Josh is probably going to take everything down and edit the photos for a while."

Brendon doesn't have to think about it. He nods.

So, with that, Tyler holds his hand as they both stand up, guiding him out of the room once giving Josh a kiss and allowing him to tell Brendon thank you, and that he is very grateful. And, slipping Brendon's glasses back onto his face, of course.

They bring him into the living room, turning on the same show they always do of the man painting, and what catches him by surprise is when they grab their notebook-- a journal, really-- and begin writing in it. He hasn't seen them do this in a long, long time, so as they let his head rest in their lap, he stares up at them in a haze. For a while. So long he can't even tell how much time has passed.

Finally though, he speaks up.

"What do you write about?" He whispers.

Tyler shrugs. "Everything." They reply, hands not nearly as tense as they are in other instances.

Brendon hums. "How long have you been doing it?"

"Since I was in college," they tell him. "It's good to write stuff down. It helps you remember things." Brendon can listen to them talk forever. He cherishes it really, because getting to this point wasn't easy. Tyler used to barely say a word to him. "Getting to look back on how I was once feeling and comparing it to how I feel now is just. . . Interesting to see."

Brendon's eyes follow every movement their lips make.

They have come so far. It makes his heart swell. "Ty," he suddenly murmurs.

"Yeah?" They get out.

"You're a lot different now than when we first met." He states.

Tyler swallows thickly after he says it, hand tensing around their pen for a moment. "That's because I'm more comfortable with you now."

Brendon nods. "I know."

Tyler nods as well, but they don't go back to writing. Instead, they tuck their pen between the pages and close the journal, setting it aside. "Can I tell you something?"

Brendon can sense the significance in their voice. Slowly, he sits up, looking back at them. "Okay,"

Tyler sucks on their bottom lip in thought, hand moving to fiddle with the seam in their jeans. "Josh and I tried to pursue someone else before you." They admit. There's not a single ounce of guilt in their voice, so Brendon only assumes there's a lot more to the story than this. He stays quiet because of that, so Tyler continues. "We met him on. . . Grindr, and he came over a lot, which we weren't used to. Usually we would only have sex with somebody once and that was it, but--"

"Tyler, why are you telling me this." Brendon mutters.

They glance at him, but look away right after. "Just, listen. Please."

Brendon blinks, pulling a knee to his chest. "Okay."

Tyler sighs, gathering their thoughts again, and the sheerness in their eyes makes his heart ache. "Our relationship with him became so casual, and that was really the first time Josh and I had realized that we enjoyed the emotional bond too, not just the sex. It was scary. Obviously. We're married and we both had grown feelings for this person-- but, we talked it out and came to the conclusion that as long as we were both comfortable with it, we would ask him to be our boyfriend."

Jim crawls onto the couch and sits right beside them, almost like he knows they need support right now.

"We. . . We loved him, we really did. So, one night, after we went on an undisclosed date and. . . Had sex, Josh and I asked him."

Brendon doesn't know how to react when he sees tears build up in their eyes. Holy shit. Are they going to cry? Oh, god. He can't tell if he can handle that right now.

"He told us we were disgusting." They whisper. "He said that he couldn't believe we would even consider that since he was obviously just interested in us for the sex, because, it's not that often you get the chance to fuck a married couple."

Brendon's eyes widen faster than he can process everything.

"He didn't stop there, either." They're trembling subtly. So subtly. Terrified of the thought. "He said-- he told-- Brendon. It's that word again." They inhale, eyes closed, exhale, head pressed to their knee. "He said to us that it's especially because of me. That he would never be able to be with someone as delusional and-and messed up as I am. That. . . I'm a man, who had just. . . Fucked him. . . with his. . ."

Brendon's heart drops. Immediately, he leans over and brings them into an embrace. "You don't have to say it. It's okay."

Tyler nods against him, sighing then. "He misgendered me repeatedly." They whisper. "Even as we first met, he said he was fine with me being non-binary, but you want to know the real reason he wasn't okay with it then?"

Brendon's Adam's apple bobs, fingers soothing up and down their arm as he hums.

"Commitment." They state. "Everyone is always scared of commitment."

Brendon's eyes cast forward, moving as the gears in his head do. "Okay," he gets out. "Why. . . Are you telling me this?"

Tyler huffs, pulling away from his embrace in order to look at him. "Because after that, I shut down. It's one of the main reasons why I struggle so badly when it comes to meeting new people and opening up to them." They swallow thickly. "I can't tell you how thankful I am every day knowing that despite all of that, you have still stuck around, and have taken the time to really get to know us."

Brendon is so lucky it hurts.

"Of course I do, Ty." He squeezes their hand. "I care about you a lot."

Tyler nods, a smile creeping up on their face. "I know. And I care about you a lot, too. More than you know." Before Brendon can say anything else, they continue. "I wrote a lot about you the first couple of months we knew each other. You were the only thing on my mind."

Brendon exhales all of his emotions. "Could I read some of them?" He wonders sheepishly.

Tyler's lips go crooked. "I don't let anyone read them." When they catch how his face falters a little, they pick their journal back up. "I can read some parts to you though, if you want."

"Okay," he says, meek. He carefully goes to lay his head onto their lap again.

Tyler flips back multiple pages and once they find the one they want, they glance down to Brendon. "Don't laugh if any of it sounds stupid."

The odds of that happening are slim to none.

Brendon doesn't say that though, he just squeezes their hand.

Tyler breathes out, nodding. "This was the first day we met in person, at Roscoe's." They mutter. The long inhale they take beforehand really indicates to Brendon how much this all means for them, and how much vulnerability they're willing to show, for both of their sakes. "Brendon is different than anyone else Josh and I have ever met." They start. "His natural awkwardness and nervous smiles helped ease me down, no matter how rude that sounds. He's different because he's curious opposed to determined. He's different because he's exploring instead of striking."

Brendon let's everything sink in, not sure how to process someone actively reading out their first impressions of him.

"For once, I believe there's hope. These past two years since. . . The incident," Tyler stops for a moment, recollecting themself. "It has been very difficult to find anyone else besides Josh to potentially trust. Humans are inherently evil, I have come to learn, or maybe it's just men. Or, maybe Josh and I keep choosing the wrong men."

Jim lays his head down on their lap along with Brendon.

"Here is Brendon, though. Here is temptation in every form, a light at the end of the tunnel, and weakness to the knees, all in the shape of a man. I can't help but wonder if this is finally the one. After years, after one heartbreak followed by the next one, I'm praying that this is it. A single glance to him and I can already tell there's so much left to learn, but, I think the three of us might manage to do that together."

Carefully, Tyler closes the journal.

"Okay. I think that's all I'm willing to share for tod-- are you crying?"

Brendon sniffles, turning around so he can plant his face into their thigh. "Shut up." He croaks.

"Brendon, I--"

"No one has ever cared about me this much," he chokes out, wiping all of his tears onto Tyler's jeans.

Tyler slowly helps him sit up after a moment, wiping everything that falls. They're the tiffany, the pearl, the sun. Brendon can't get over how lucky he is to have two absolutely wonderful people in his life.

"If you're getting all heartfelt about that, you definitely wouldn't be able to last throughout everything else that's said about you in there." They tell him.

Brendon sniffles. "You know, past all the front you put up, you're just a big ass sweetheart." He chuckles through the tears.

A smile slowly forms onto their face when he says it. "Don't tell anyone."

Brendon smiles with them, nodding. When the two of them then end up simply staring at one another, he slowly leans in until his lips are pressed against theirs. The moon and the sun collide as it happens, or is it the sun and the stars? All Brendon knows is that Tyler truly is the sun because they're the biggest star. Maybe Josh is the moon.

There's not enough stars and planets to make them up, though.

Tyler pulls away, brushing his hair back.

Brendon thinks if anything were to happen now, he'd give in.

"How about you go shower while I make dinner." They suggest. "Massage afterwards." They then add.

Brendon looks into their eyes to see if there's more past the word, but it's no use. Tyler knows how to keep things hidden more than anyone he has ever met, and they're aware of this too, so he can't help but think they're purposefully adding onto the suspense with that.

"Okay." He mutters. "What's for dinner?"

"Whatever I can figure out with what little we have left." They sigh.

Brendon nods. "Fine by me," he decides, trying his hardest not to dwell too much on having to eat food. Instead, he kisses the back of their hand abruptly before standing up and heading to the bedroom. He gathers his pajamas and makes sure to grab a towel as well, moving his way into the bathroom. It has become a lot more casual to do this.

He undresses, and doesn't worry. He's naked and yet he feels better than ever with all that has lead up to this.

Brendon feels hot at the thought of what might just be in store for him tonight. Though, he is now having serious doubts that anything will actually happen considering Tyler probably feels rather vulnerable right now and wouldn't want to jeopardize that.

As water runs down his spine, over the curve of his ass, he's still hot. He's craving touch, he has since this morning, and he's slightly embarrassed to know that now those feelings are at its pique. Perhaps he's overly confident with his presence. Perhaps Tyler admitting how truly important he is to them has only made his need worse. Perhaps he just wants to get off.

Brendon feels himself swallow thickly as the idea crosses his mind.

Tyler and Josh are so tempting he can't help it. They'd know exactly how to treat him too which makes the need seep from his bones so much more viciously.

He'd like to say the thought of how good it would feel is what's driving him, but truthfully, he knows anything they can possibly do is unimaginable, in the best way.

Maybe that's what makes his desire all that much stronger.

The unknown.

***

The three of them all eat in the livingroom tonight. Brendon sits in between Josh's legs on floor, and Tyler sits with him. They made homemade macaroni and cheese, which is a little more comforting than the majority of the things they make considering he used to eat this all the time when he was younger.

And, Tyler puts on a different show than usual.

"What's this one about?" He wonders, absentmindedly stabbing the noodles in his bowl.

"Basically," they start, turning to face him a little more. "This chemistry teacher finds out he has lung cancer and only has a few more months to live, and he wants to set his family up with as much money as they need before he dies." They look back over to the television, pressing play. "So, he starts cooking meth."

Brendon blinks. "Meth?"

"Yeah," they shrug. "It's a good show. Josh and I just started it a few days ago."

Brendon nods along, deciding that this is fine. He carefully takes the first bite of his food, body filling with warmth, mind filling with nothing but a blank slate. He doesn't know what to think. He knows it tastes phenomenal and still, he hates the fact that he's eating it. He hates the fact that it tastes phenomenal and he hates the fact that he then takes another bite, and another, and another.

Maybe it's concerning how much he's eating because Josh leans down from the couch and says, "Slow down a little. It's okay." Afterwards, he squeezes his shoulder.

Brendon does slow down. He slows down so much that all he feels capable of is getting one last bite in before pushing the bowl away.

Tyler kisses his shoulder, wordlessly comforting him.

The three of them sit there for a while, finishing up their meals and this episode of the show. It's comfortable. Casual. Josh's hands fall into Brendon's hair naturally, messing with a few strands while Tyler has their head leaning on his arm, their hand intertwined with his.

Once the episode finally ends, Tyler looks up at Brendon. "I'll put the leftovers away while you and Josh head upstairs,"

Thump.

The massage.

Thump.

"Okay." He gets out, giving them a nearly awkward all-lip smile before standing up. He helps Josh off the couch, too. Together, they walk upstairs.

Josh goes into the bedroom first and before Brendon can even step a foot into the room, Josh rushes out in a frantic manner. "Wait! Wait." Brendon's brows pull together from this. Josh only closes the door in front of his face with immediate rustling following afterwards.

Brendon stands in the dark hallway confused.

After a moment, a moment that was a lot longer than Brendon would have liked it to have been, Josh opens the door again.

"Sorry." He says. "You can come in now. We just left. . . Stuff out from earlier." He fiddles with his wrist when he says it, and that's when Brendon looks down to see red lines around the entirety of them, like a rash almost.

That's also when Josh absentmindedly kicks the drawer closed, that drawer, and it all comes to Brendon painfully fast.

What the fuck is he getting himself into?

Brendon looks to Josh's eyes, then back down at his wrists, then his eyes again. "That looks like it hurts," he murmurs.

Josh only blushes. "I need to change." He whispers.

Brendon shakes his head to himself as Josh turns away and heads over to the closet. He finally comes into the room though, sitting down on the bed, getting comfortable as he watches him change. Every layer falls off of him and all Brendon can do is grow unbelievably hot. He's in just his boxers, they're low, showing the dimples of his backside, completely exposing every curve he has left to offer, and Brendon wants to accept. He wants to so badly, but the thought of initiating anything makes him recoil.

It's not until Josh is pulling on a pair of gym shorts identical to the ones Brendon is wearing right now where he crawls into bed with him, not saying a word as he tucks his face into his chest and holds him tightly.

Brendon stares at the ceiling, fingers running through the curls of his head.

"Did the pictures come out alright?" He wonders.

Josh nods. "Of course they did," he mumbles against his shirt. "You're so handsome."

"Says you." Brendon breathes.

Josh chuckles, slowly lifting his head and propping himself up above him. He smiles, content, tired, worn out, before leaning down and kissing him tenderly. Brendon's empty hand falls to his waist when he registers the action, gripping it, and twitching with nerves as he pulls him closer. Close enough to where Josh's thigh meets the inside of his which earns an embarrassing shiver to run up his spine, kissing Josh back meekly.

Josh pulls away afterwards though, falling down against him with a chuckle. "I'm so fucking exhausted." He whispers.

Brendon stares at the ceiling again, in a haze. "Sleep."

Josh shakes his head. "I want a massage too. Tyler is for some reason really good at them, and I can't pass up my chances."

Brendon catches footsteps coming into the room, and then Tyler's frame from the corner of his eye. "I never agreed to give you a massage too. My hands can only take so much."

Josh pouts, sitting up to look at them. "Tyler--"

"I'm kidding." They say. "Let me get changed and I'll do it."

Josh nods happily, dangling his feet over the edge as he watches them, and Brendon can't help but watch them as well. They unbutton their jeans and bend down as they slide them off of their legs, so officially, Brendon's body becomes warm another time in just the matter of minutes. When their shirt is off and exchanged for another one, one that is about twice their size and covers the perfect amount of their front side, they walk back over to the bed, shaking their head as they catch them both staring.

"You two are a couple of perverts." They chuckle.

Brendon's throat is restrained.

Tyler looks at him, blinking. "Lay down." They say suddenly. "Both of you. On your stomachs."

Brendon doesn't have to think twice about doing so. He's turning around as easily as that, looking over to Josh who's doing the same thing, a blissed out smile on his face already.

Tyler's hands trail up Brendon's back, gripping his shoulders as they lean down. "I need to lift your shirt up a little bit again. Is that okay?"

Thump.

"Yeah." He murmurs.

Tyler nods, being gentle when they lift his shirt as high it can go without taking it completely off. The AC hits his back easily, causing goose bumps to rise on his skin, but the warmth of Tyler's hand quickly engulfs that when they use two fingers to try and find any knots on his upper back. It doesn't take them long to find one either, and it doesn't take long for Brendon's knuckles to turn a pale pink when he grips the sheets as they start trying to pop it out.

Multiple different groans of pain climb up his throat but he only let's very few out, cheeks flushing as he does so.

Tyler slowly sits down on his tailbone after a moment, trying to get the best angle they can, which honestly just makes Brendon more hot than before. They soothe the spot they're focusing on before moving over to his neck, their thumb on his shoulder while the rest of their fingers pull, almost like a pinch, and god, it hurts, and god, he groans again. He's so lost in all of it that when he finally opens his eyes and catches Josh watching him with a stupid smile, he shakes his head.

"Shut up. It hurts." He grumbles.

Josh chuckles, eyes gleaming. "I'm not saying it doesn't hurt. I just like the noises coming from you."

Hot. He's so hot. Brendon is burning up.

"Shut up." He says again.

Josh simply snickers, scooting closer until he is able to kiss his temple.

Brendon dismisses it when Tyler soothes his neck, trailing their hands down to his lower back. They move to sit on his thighs so they have room, which is a strange position to say the least, but when they bring their hands to his skin again, it's not nearly as painful as his upper back. No. It feels good. So good. To the point where he worries that if this lasts too long, his body won't be able to control itself.

They use one hand over the other to pull at the spot above his hip, causing him to breathe out of content.

Josh watches them when Brendon doesn't. He's tranquil now. The spots they previously were working on are throbbing just slightly, but the pleasure their hands are creating at the moment overcomes any of it.

He's tranquil now.

His eyes aren't squeezed shut any longer, they're at rest, and so are his knuckles.

He's tranquil now.

He hums when Josh kisses his temple another time, going with the flow like Tyler's hands. He really thinks he was overreacting about this whole situation because-- holy shit. Brendon gasps, eyes flying open when he feels Tyler's touch travel to the inside of his thigh.

Nevermind. He's not tranquil. He's not tranquil.

**Smut warning.**

Brendon's fists are clenching the sheets again, heart immediately jumping into his throat as he processes it. Their fingers stay there, careful while they move down, then back up, causing an overwhelming tingle to travel throughout his body.

"Does that feel good, Brend?" They ask, softly.

Oh, my God.

Brendon's breath trembles as he nods sheepishly.

They hum, carefully getting off of him and instead moving so they can sit beside him. Their fingers come as close as possible to his most sensitive area without actually touching it, and yet, Brendon can already feel the warmth engulfing his abdomen.

Brendon knew something was going to happen.

He knew it. And now that it's happening, fuck, fuck, he doesn't know what to do with himself.

"Can I touch you?"

Brendon could cry.

Josh kisses him again, brushing his hair back. "Bren," he whispers.

Brendon swallows thickly, heart feeling as though it is going to beat out of his chest at any second. When he decides he has prolonged his answer far too much, he quickly nods, body already trembling and nothing has even really happened.

"Turn around." Tyler murmurs, hand moving away from his thigh.

Slowly, Brendon's eyes open again, and slowly, he turns around until he's all flushed and innocent eyed for them.

Their fingers start at his knee, teasing him completely while he watches them get closer and closer. All Tyler does is stare down at him, half-lidded, lips slick, desire heavy, and Brendon wants to give them his all. He wants them. He wants them to want him. He wants something.

"Do you want me to touch you?" They ask.

Brendon meets eyes with them and doesn't look away. Is he ready? Mentally, is he ready for that? Physically, is he ready for that? He knows in every shape and form, he wants it. He does. He wants it so bad that the tears really are threatening to spill from his eyes.

Brendon exhales, nodding. "Yeah." He whispers. "Just. . . Just. . . Don't go past my clothes."

Tyler blinks as he says it, nodding along with him. Their fingers slowly rub circles into his inner thigh and Brendon hates that he's already hard. He's aching horribly. He presses his hand over his face to save him from the embarrassment he feels being so naturally amenable.

His breath hitches when he can feel them getting closer, and he whimpers pathetically when they palm him.

Holy shit.

Its been so long. He doesn't know how to act. He doesn't know if there's anything he should be doing now. He doesn't know what Josh wants to do, either. He doesn't know anything.

Tyler palms him again and Brendon's thighs twitch until he has Tyler's arm caught between them, a weak moan falling from his lips. His entire body shakes in euphoria and he feels so immature because of it, but he doesn't care. All he can think about is Tyler. And Tyler's hand. And how Josh is watching them. How Josh is probably going crazy from this. Brendon is going crazy from this, especially when Tyler leans down to his ear and whispers, "Do you want me to make you cum?"

He breathes out shakily, carefully looking up at them as he nods.

Tyler sits tall again. "Okay," they murmur. "Close your eyes."

Brendon's brows pull together in concern, heart thump, thump, thumping so loud he almost can't think. The thought of not being able to see anything they're doing scaring him more than he'd like to admit.

Tyler brushes his hair back. "You trust me, right?"

Brendon nods.

"Close your eyes." They repeat.

Slowly, Brendon does, fingers fiddling with each other and toes curling. The anticipation picks up when he can feel the weight of their body lift off of the bed.

That's when Josh shuffles, hand touching Brendon's knee. "Me too, Ty." He gets out.

There's a pause. "Josh, you and I already--"

"Please." He begs. Sounding desperate, meek.

Brendon swallows thickly when he can hear a drawer slide open, and he knows exactly what that means. He shrinks and trembles at the thought, aches and craves.

"Okay." They agree. "Close your eyes, too."

There's shuffling then, and Brendon gasps a little when Josh's lips press against his unexpectedly. They're both so pliant right now that there's barely any force; they're going back and forth, sucking on each other's lips and moaning quietly to themselves. Brendon carefully goes to touch Josh's waist too, pulling him close until their crotches meet and they both let out embarrassingly loud groans.

"Brendon," Josh croaks out.

He doesn't say anything in response, only pushing his hips forward again, feeling light seep into his soul.

Brendon catches his heart drop when Tyler pulls him off of Josh, laying him down like he was before. "Stop." They mutter. It sends a chill down his spine in the best way, and he wants to hear them say that again. They only prop his knees up and slowly spread them apart though, which is not a position Brendon is used to at all, making this all that much more awkward for him.

He can hear Josh's body moving too after Tyler pulls away, so Brendon guesses they're moving him in the same position. The idea of what that looks like ultimately makes the aching between his legs so much stronger.

Finally though, Tyler is touching him again, fingers on his thigh, lips hovering above his mouth. They kiss him, nice and slow, which is the exact kiss Brendon needs from them right know. There's much more comfort in the softness than what would be in something more harsh, and considering this is their first time ever really doing something like this, it makes his heart swell knowing they're giving him all of their thought and care.

"You can tell me at any time if I need to stop, okay? Or if it's too much." Tyler explains to him, gently, and Brendon nods. "This is for you."

As soon as it is said, a loud vibrating sound erupts. Brendon's eyes are immediately squeezing shut when whatever it is, Tyler places it right against him, his dick, and he moans in such a humiliating tone that he is quickly slapping a hand over his mouth, making sure nothing can be caught.

But, Tyler pulls his hand away. "We want to hear you," they mutter.

Brendon opens his eyes again, looking at them, then instantly looking down to see what it is that that they're using, and it's huge. The entire thing is black, a big rubber piece at the top, and a handle that seems to have different settings on it, and Brendon cannot believe that he's really letting Tyler use a sex toy on him after all his years of complete abstention.

They move it downwards, towards his balls, then to his ass, which once again pulls another sound from him, only because he has never in his life experienced a single sensation like this.

His head falls to the pillows, eyes rolling to the back of his head while his Adam's apple bobs.

Brendon exhales out of discomfort when Tyler goes to use the toy on Josh, but their free hand moves over to his front side and starts palming him again while they please their husband. So it's okay. It's definitely okay. Maybe it's a good thing that his gym shorts are thin because when Tyler's finger trails his tip in circles, he feels it. Holy shit, he feels it, and easily, he's bucking his hips up, toes curling and mouth agape when their thumb strokes him along with it.

Brendon and Josh moan in a harmony; the corner of Tyler's lips curl upwards.

Brendon watches as his vision blurs how natural this is for them, the way Josh humps every vibration, and how Tyler's is leaning down to kiss him tenderly. A string of saliva keeps them together and Brendon wants to be part of it so bad it feels discriminatory.

Perhaps Tyler catches the neediness coming from him because they pull away and say, "both of you, together again."

It doesn't even take a second before Brendon and Josh scoot together, hips against hips, one groan after another. They start touching tongues without even being asked, too, and Tyler stares down at them, lip caught between their teeth.

Nonetheless, considering both of their dicks are pressed together, they bring the toy against them. As Brendon's tongue is running up Josh's, he whimpers, head falling onto his shoulder, fingers grasping for a t-shirt but he only manages to grip his skin considering he isn't wearing a top.

He's sure Josh won't mind.

"You look so good." Josh mumbles into his ear instead, and Brendon smiles for a split second before gasping abruptly when he feels Tyler's hand travel over to his ass, pressing against the most provocative area they can find.

He's so hot. So warm. So flushed. So on edge. So desperate. So close.

"Ty--" he chokes up when the strong vibration follows right down the base of his cock. "Fuck." He whispers. They do it again. And again. And again. "Fuck." He whimpers, not even taking the time to be humiliated that he's drooling all over Josh's chest.

"Are you close?" They murmur in his ear.

Brendon nods frantically, unable to bear the thought of meeting eyes with them because he's not sure he has ever been this vulnerable.

"Put your hand down your pants." They direct.

Brendon's Adam's apple feels stuck, fingers still digging into Josh's skin the longer Tyler keeps the toy against him. "What?" He gets out, exhale stuttering.

"So you don't get jizz all over your underwear," Josh laughs into his ear breathlessly.

Brendon is so clouded he can barely catch it, but nonetheless, his abnormally shaky hand takes its time moving past the waistband of his shorts and boxers, gripping himself, trying to figure out how well he can manage keeping this fairly un-messy.

Brendon whole body shakes on the spot when Tyler turns the vibration to a stronger level, pressing it right to his dick, being perfect, moving it up and down, in circles, while also managing to have the decency to lean down and kiss his chin, and afterwards, his bottom lip. They're so soft and thoughtful; his hips twitch as a tribute.

"Ty," he says, brokenly.

They kiss him again, free hand moving in just a way that makes it all so much more difficult to stay put together. Their fingers, god, their fingers-- no, only one. Trailing the line of his ass, pushing, teasing, meeting a place where Brendon has never experienced a single sensation from, and that's what makes it all much more intense.

"Tyler, Tyler--" he groans, a warmth bubbling in his abdomen.

They shush him, kissing his lips another time. "Let go." They whisper. "You're doing so good. Let go."

Brendon is already unbelievably close, and when Josh's hand goes to touch the side of his cock that isn't getting nearly as much attention, that, mixed with the vicious vibrations and the trailing finger Tyler has on his backside, he does let go. He goes through it all so intensely that his entire body trembles more than it has this entire time, thighs clenching, frame twitching as he gasps for air. Pleading with his lungs to give him something, but quickly being filled with an unsustainable euphoria.

He pants, inhales, pants, swallowing thickly when he feels his own semen coating his hand.

He doesn't know what to do, yet his immediate response is to blindly move until he can hide away in Tyler's chest, instantly feeling comfort as their arm wraps around his trembling form. He exhales, still out of breath, yet he knows he's fine when they kiss the top of his head and continue until Josh reaches his own peak. It all goes by in a blur, because to Brendon, it seems like he is in a blur. So high he might never come down. He can't even remember the last time he came that hard-- actually, he doesn't believe he ever has.

He's sad to know he's so out of it he can't even listen to how beautiful Josh probably sounds when he cums, but what brings him back to reality is when the vibrating sound goes off, Tyler setting it aside to give him and Josh their full attention again.

**Smut over.**

Brendon huffs out a full breath when Josh crawls up behind him and wraps an arm around his waist, pressing a kiss just above his tailbone.

"Bren," Tyler whispers. They brush his hair back, a thin coat of sweat matting his forehead. "You're okay. You can open your eyes."

Slowly, Brendon does that. He blinks them open a few times, flushing even more when he finally gauges their face again. He feels as though he hasn't seen anything in ages, and it's beautiful, but intimidating.

Brendon is stuck in place.

"Hey," a kiss to the bridge of his nose. "You did so well. So well. Don't worry, okay? I have you."

Brendon is struggling to think. He's struggling to be human.

"Do you think you can take your hand out of your pants and we can clean you up, or do you just want to sit here for a little bit longer?" Tyler has never seemed so delicate. So careful. They're treating him like glass and it makes it all that much more comfortable.

Brendon looks up at them, slowly nodding.

His bones feel fake as he pulls his hand out from his underwear, not seeming very himself with a palm full of cum and nothing more.

He looks up at them again, waiting for another instruction to follow, another question, because he is completely out of his element unlike them.

They stick their hand out for him, Brendon easily accepting their offer with his free and unsullied one. Tyler then helps him off of the bed, Josh's arm falling limp from his waist as his knees shake while he walks away. They lead him into the bathroom. Set him down on the toilet lid. Grab a rag hung up and use it to scrub the mess off of his hand.

Brendon is restrained, yet somehow free. "Tyler," he whispers finally.

"Yeah?"

He looks into their eyes, feeling feeble, and still, for once, it isn't so terrible. "I think I needed that." He admits.

Their lips lift carefully. "I know."

Brendon nods, focus moving elsewhere. "I didn't last very long. . ." He murmurs, embarrassed by that fact, so he's not really sure why he said that outloud. Though, Tyler shakes their head, moving over to the sink to rinse off the rag.

"It doesn't matter how long you last, Brendon." They tell him. "Sex is about taking care of another person, or people, and connecting with them. Treating them. As long as you got what you want, that's all that matters. Tonight wasn't about me, and not even really Josh either, it was for you." They walk back over to him, kissing the top of his head repeatedly. "I feel good making you feel good. I'm complete right now." They mutter against his hair.

"I feel good, too."

Tyler pulls away, holding onto his hand. "That's all I'd like." They assure.

Brendon nods, eyes trailing down their body, their hips directly in front of him, and he leans forward to press his lips against their thigh. "Do you want something?" He asks, quietly.

They shake their head. "I got what I needed." They establish. "Now, come on. I'm sure you're exhausted."

They lead him again, back into the bedroom where Brendon feels is just a haze.

"Josh," Tyler mumbles, letting go of Brendon's hand to press their own against his back, and they chuckle to themself when coming to the realization that their husband is out like a light.

"Is he seriously asleep?"

Tyler hums. "I tired him out today."

Brendon can't process a reaction to that so he simply finds a spot that Josh isn't sprawled out across to sit on. It's amusing, honestly. His dirty hand is hanging off the edge of the bed almost like he knew himself that he was going to pass out, and Tyler easily is cleaning it up, limp and all. They walk out of the room afterwards, Brendon assuming they're going to toss the rag away, which maybe they did, but also they come back after a while with Jim following behind them and Brendon furrows his brows because of this.

"Did you put him away?"

They shrug. "I had a feeling something was bound to happen."

Brendon shakes his head, rubbing his eyes while yawning. "Of course you had a feeling," he mumbles. "You had this all planned."

Tyler smiles to themself, shrugging again.

Silently, they unplug the toy they have out, wrapping it up in the cord before putting it away in the drawer, and Brendon slowly bites his lip, heart thumping stupidly as he asks, "What's that. . . Called. . . Anyways?"

Tyler looks over at him. "It's a wand massager." They inform. "It can be used for actual massages, but." They look down at their husband, casual, in their comfort zone. "It's a good stimulant."

Brendon is quite aware of that, now.

He looks down at Josh as well. "Do you want me to help you move him or something?"

Tyler shakes their head, carefully moving his torso up until they can bring an arm around his back, and afterwards, they lift his legs with a small grunt to follow. Josh doesn't even wake up. His arm falls down as they carry him to the side of the bed Brendon isn't at, laying him down in a rush when he nearly becomes too heavy for them.

They tuck him in as well, kissing the top of his head before finally turning the TV on and the lights off.

For a moment, while it's still completely black, Brendon's overall anxiety eats away at him more than he'd like to admit. "Tyler," he croaks out.

"Yeah?"

"Please hold me really, really tight tonight." He whispers. He wants that safety, that protection. "If it's not too much to ask for."

When the room lights up from the television, Tyler walks up to the bed. "Of course." They agree. "I was going to anyways."

Brendon smiles to himself as they say it, falling pliant while they go to help him get comfortable in bed, pressing their body against his, immediately holding him tightly to their chest. He's safe like this, as their ankles link together and one of their hands goes beneath his shirt to soothe his back, he's more than happy.

Josh is absolutely gone, right up against Tyler, but Brendon finds it all so comforting.

They kiss his head absentmindedly, fingers curling around his hair, bodies warm upon each touch, minds in a daze. Brendon is still in shock of what all happened. There's so much to process but he can't comprehend any of it right now. Thoughts and questions and worries are circling his brain like a carousel.

Besides the inevitable anxiety, he feels good. Maybe even better than ever. He stresses that perhaps Tyler and Josh didn't like how he isn't quite up-to-par, or what's to come next, but when he feels Tyler kiss his head and treat him like glass, a gift, he settles down.

Still, his nerves get the best of him. "Is it gonna hurt?" He whispers suddenly.

He stares up at them, but their eyes don't open. "Is what going to hurt?"

"When we. . . Actually have sex." His cheeks turn warm at the thought.

That's what earns a reaction from them. Both their hands still, and slowly, they scoot down to his level, blinking once, twice, brows furrowed. "You do know you don't have to bottom your first time if you don't want to, right?"

The heartbeat in Brendon's ears is distracting. "I-I just thought. . ."

Tyler shakes their head, hands soothing him again. "You're free to explore your sexuality. Especially since you never really have before." It's sad that he never has before. "And, I know you have only ever been with a girl, so I'd imagine the thought of bottoming is probably really intimidating for you."

"It is." Brendon murmurs.

It has been on his mind more than he would like to admit. The whole concept is foreign to him, terrifying to him, because never has he once explored those ideas.

"Exactly." They say. "So why did you think you had to?"

Brendon shrugs, throat becoming tighter. "I don't know. . . It just. . . Seems like you're not going to, and Josh. . . I don't know. I don't know."

Tyler examines his features, caressing his cheek for a moment. "Would you be interested in bottoming?"

Brendon sighs. "I don't know." He gets out. "I don't know what I like. I don't know if it's going to hurt, or if I'd even be comfortable with. . . Being so. . . Vulnerable."

Tyler hums. "The good thing about your first time being with us, and say, not highschool, is because we know what to do, and how to take care of you. People in highschool are barely learning, and you have a much bigger chance of being hurt then instead of now." All this talk is making him dizzy. "I can't promise you it isn't going to hurt. It most likely will. But, either way, bottoming your first time will never be painless. And it isn't as if it's all pain, the pleasure comes, and it overrules anything else."

Brendon blinks. "Have you ever. . . Bottomed. . .?"

Tyler pushes air from their lips, chuckling. "Duh."

Brendon's lips twitch into a smile for just a mere moment, reassured, nervous, still completely out of his element. "Does it-- does it feel good?"

Tyler's eyes close, leaning forward until their foreheads can rest together. "It's probably the best feeling in the world." They comment. "But, I don't really bottom that much anymore."

Brendon's brows pull together. "If you like it so much, why stop?"

"Truth be told, I used to only bottom when I was in highschool and college, but it genuinely was the lowest point in my life." Tyler clears their throat, hiding their face into his shoulder. "It wasn't good. The way I'd let people use me was horrible, and I let it happen because it felt like the only way to let it out."

Brendon comes to terms with the fact more and more that Tyler really punishes themself in the worst ways.

"I realized though that the thing I had always been missing was control. I never had it at home, or at school, or anywhere, but when I finally found it in myself to experience that for once, I was scared. It was a few months after Josh and I had started dating, and when I told him, I want to top, I think we both were surprised."

Brendon can't ever see Josh in a dominating role now that he has gotten to know him, and being told he once was is the strangest thing he can grasp.

"I liked it. And I liked it a lot. It's better than bottoming because I finally found myself, and nothing will ever change that. Getting to please my partners, treat them, but also let them know who is in charge-- that's what I like. And, it feels good too."

Brendon gulps. "I. . . I like it when you're in charge. . ." He admits. To them. To himself.

"Good." They whisper, slowly moving their head out from his shoulder, instead, pressing their lips to his. They kiss him once, gauge his reaction, and kiss him again.

"You'll take care of me, right?" He wonders against them.

"Always." They mutter. "It's what I'm meant to do."

"As what?"

Tyler smiles, eyes looking over his body through the blankets. "You've never fingered yourself, have you." They ask, completely disregarding what was previously said.

Brendon flushes quickly, heart skipping a beat. "No-no."

Tyler nods. "I think you need to start with that before even considering me topping you."

"Okay. . . Well I don't really. . ." Brendon is at a loss of words.

Tyler shakes their head, kissing him one last time. "We'll talk more about it later." They whisper. "I'm super tired and Josh is digging his teeth into my back." This whole night has been unbelievable. "I'm sure you need some rest too, Bren."

Slowly, he nods.

Tyler does as well, eyes closing. "I--" they pause, curling their toes afterwards. "Goodnight."

Brendon blinks, nonetheless scooting even closer to them, letting the smell of their laundry detergent engulf him. "Goodnight."

Tyler's arms tighten around him, and he's home. Or maybe Cloud 9.

It's hard to tell the difference.