TRIGGER WARNINGS:

- Anxiety over food
- Major social anxiety
- Sexual tension/sexual scenes

***

The night was a daze.

With wine in their systems and the lack of secrets they now had amongst one another, Brendon felt okay.

He knew there was a big possibility it could have been awkward after his confession, but surprisingly, that only lasted so long. The three of them got comfortable enough to watch a movie, and Brendon got comfortable enough to eat a good amount of his food and not worry either of them even more than he already does.

The night went well though, he can't deny it. In the back of his head he stresses that Josh and Tyler are only thinking about one thing. How could they not? He knows they have every right to rip the information he gave them to shreds and consider every factor of it. He knows.

It's menacing, definitely.

But, he moves past it. He has to.

He was tipsy by the time he made it to bed, but all three of them seemed to be, so it didn't matter that much. Josh held Brendon from behind, and Tyler held him from the front.

It was good. It was okay.

Now though, it's morning.

Light comes through the windows again, no longer blocked by blankets, and as Brendon slowly blinks open his eyes a few times to adjust to another day, his heart swells subtly when seeing Tyler looking at him. Their features are hooded, lips plump, collarbones on show from how big their shirt is.

They reach out to caress his cheek. "Good morning," they whisper.

Brendon closes his eyes, breathing in, breathing out.

"You always look so handsome." They continue.

He smiles carefully in return, touching the hand they have at his cheek. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of waking up here." He gets out.

Tyler's content at that. Delicate. The sun is coming down, making them glisten like the angel they are.

Brendon can't be bothered when they lean forward after holding a stare, kissing him tenderly. Both of their eyes fall shut, Brendon's heart skipping a beat, so maybe that's why he ignores the idea of backing out when his and Tyler's morning breath mold together.

They do pull away for a moment though, still, Brendon leans in, wanting more, kissing their bottom lip, but Tyler shakes their head, moving further back.

"I'm not kissing you any more until we have our teeth brushed." They mutter.

Brendon sighs, staring up into their eyes as they continue leaning over him just slightly.

It's okay. He's okay.

"This seems to be becoming a common theme," he says.

Tyler hums. "Not my fault that I'm making sure you have good dental hygiene."

Brendon stays quiet for a moment. Any chance to just look at them, he'll take it. And especially since Josh is still fast asleep right behind him, arm locked around his waist, face pressed into his back-- it's good.

"Let me see your teeth." He pipes up, not exactly knowing where he's going with this, but honestly, he's still half asleep.

Tyler furrows their eyebrows. "You want to see my teeth?"

Brendon nods. "What if you're all talk?"

"I'm not."

"How 'bout you give me a nice, big smile to prove it?" Brendon continues, at this point seeing that from them would put everything into place. Give him the push he needs to make it through the rest of the day.

Tyler glares at him.

Brendon frowns, running a hand down their arm. "Don't be like that,"

Tyler shakes their head. "You need to take my word."

"Show me your teeth," Brendon repeats. Smiling a little. Lazily. "Or else."

He watches the corner of their lips twitch when he says that, leaning on their elbow. "Or else what?"

Brendon shrugs. "I don't know. That's what you always say, and it somehow makes me do what you want. I was hoping that's what would have happened." He pauses, catching the glint in their eye. "I guess not, though."

Tyler swallows thickly, sucking on their bottom lip for a moment. "I suppose I owe you something,"

Brendon knows what they mean.

He brushes it off.

"Yeah." He answers.

The hesitance is there. Definitely. Tyler looks away from him for a second, getting more comfortable propped up, but finally, they close their eyes, and slowly, tentatively, they're smiling widely-- the widest Brendon has ever, ever seen from them, and his entire heart feels as though it's giving up that very second.

He examines their features, absolutely content.

Tyler stops then though, face going back to its natural monotone state, but there is a slight smirk across their façade. A nervous one, almost.

They stare at one another.

Brendon blinks, Tyler does too.

"Is it weird to say that I find your bottom teeth. . . Cute. . ." Brendon whispers finally.

Tyler rolls their eyes. "Josh says the same thing."

Brendon's cheeks heat up in just the slightest. "How do you do it?" He suddenly asks, mind somewhere else. He can't help it. Tyler seems confused as well; their eyebrows pull together as they process it.

"Do what?"

"What we were talking about a second ago," Brendon starts. "I don't know. I just realized it's weird how I feel obligated to do what you say sometimes, even when I don't always know what you mean." He's slowly becoming more conscious, and he's slowly feeling the anxiety starting to eat away at him again.

Tyler seems like they have a lot to say.

Still, very little comes out of their mouth. "It's a natural reaction for you, yeah?"

Brendon's Adam's apple bobs. "I guess so." He murmurs, eyes drifting off.

Tyler seems to sense his reluctance about the subject.

They decide to lay down against the pillows with him, a lot closer now, touching the hand Josh has at Brendon's waist, rubbing their thumb against his side. The silence between them in that second, the truth in their eyes, it says a lot.

"You know you're free to like what you like, right?" They wonder. Before Brendon can answer either, they continue. "It seems that you worry too much about what you enjoy to actually enjoy it."

Brendon's heart feels heavy.

"I know that, Ty." He whispers.

Tyler continues staring at him. "I don't think you do."

There's silence then.

Brendon closes his eyes, not sure what to say.

"If I told you right now to go and brush your teeth, would you do it?" Tyler continues.

Brendon knows the answer. Tyler knows the answer. Still, he holds Josh's limp hand tighter as some strange form of reassurance. "Probably." He replies. The look on Tyler's face begs for more to be said, therefore, Brendon sighs. "Yes. I would."

Tyler nods carefully.

Slowly, they lean forward, lips brushing against Brendon's.

"Go brush your teeth," they say. Brendon sucks on his own saliva, eyes scanning theirs. "Now."

"No." He whispers.

Tyler tries to keep their demeanor to intimidate him, but easily, they crack a smile. "You're such a brat." They tell him, pulling away.

Though, as soon as they do, Josh rustles awake.

"Speaking of brats," Tyler murmurs.

Josh let's out a soft moan, stretching his legs out while lifting his hand from Brendon's side, slowly sitting up to look at the two of them. His eyes are just barely open. His lips are just barely parted. His hair is just barely less than a mess.

"What did you call me?" He croaks out.

"A brat," Tyler answers, smiling.

Josh hums, staring at them for a moment before leaning down to kiss Brendon's jaw. He's surprised by this, but nonetheless, he turns his head and kisses his neck in return, right where his hickey is-- right where Brendon pushed past a wall until it was completely torn down.

Josh is giddy.

He holds Brendon to his chest once he has fully turned around, rubbing a hand up and down his back.

For the most part, it makes him feel subconscious, because he knows Josh can feel every protruding bone the further he moves down his spine, but the other part of him is simply trying to enjoy his touch as long as possible. Brendon will ignore his anxiety for just a second, for this. He wants to. He needs to.

"Where's my kiss?" Tyler pipes up.

"Assholes don't get kisses." Josh says, grinning to himself afterwards.

"You usually like it when I give your asshole kisses," Tyler furthers.

Immediately, Brendon watches Josh's cheeks flush to a deep pink just like his own. He cocks his head a little, eyes widening. "Tyler."

They laugh then.

God, they laugh more than Brendon has ever heard from them before. A laugh that causes them to double over subtly, a laugh that makes a wide smile stretch across their entire face, a laugh that makes Josh join in with them after a moment.

Quickly though, he's shaking his head. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Yeah, you can." They answer.

Josh sighs, looking down at Brendon who is pretty much hiding away in his hold at this point. "You've scarred him." He states.

Tyler shakes their head. "He needs to be prepared sooner or later. If he thinks that's bad, well, he has a lot in store for him." They obviously don't mean it negatively. Brendon can tell they're joking, playing along to this thing Josh had started.

"Stop. I'll have to cover his ears."

Brendon rolls his eyes. "Shut up," he gets out.

"You sure you wanna hear about Tyler kissing my ass?" He wonders.

Brendon shakes his head at that, sitting up finally.

But of course, instantly, he groans in pain, in agony.

His back is fucking killing him.

He rubs one of the obvious knots in his shoulder as he gets completely off the bed, looking down at two of them, still a little flushed. "No." He says. "I'm gonna go brush my teeth. You both are crazy."

Fleeing, as usual.

He's simply not sure he can handle thinking about everything.

In consideration, he did just tell them only so many hours ago he has very little experience when it comes to these type of things. Very little. Because even though he isn't completely clueless, he also wasn't exactly. . . Taking the lead in most situations.

He swallows thickly at the thought.

Josh and Tyler both dismiss what they had originally been doing. Instead, Tyler tilts their head slightly, watching him rub at his shoulder.

"Do you want me to give you another massage soon?" They ask once noticing his other discomfort.

Brendon thinks about it.

He thinks about what happened last time, how the absolute most embarrassing noises were coming from him, and how Tyler lifted his shirt so it was skin on skin, and, how Tyler got on top of him until he could feel more than he definitely needed to.

His Adam's apple bobs. "Maybe."

Tyler nods, so with that, Brendon walks out of the bedroom, into the bathroom. He finds the toothbrush meant for him once again, slowly beginning to brush his teeth.

It doesn't take long for Josh and Tyler to join him either. Silently, they do it all together. Brendon leans against Josh's shoulder, and Tyler sits on the counter, watching them. They're always watching them. Tyler's the happiest when they see Brendon and Josh together, but he supposes that's because for someone who never really believed they could be loved, getting to cherish that there's two people currently proving them wrong must be overwhelming.

In the best way, of course.

After the three of them are done, Brendon tosses his hair around although it's no use without product in it.

Nonetheless, they make it downstairs and into the kitchen when he decides there really is no point. This is when Tyler turns to Brendon and says, "What's for breakfast?"

He feels his heart drop. "What?"

"You decide." They continue.

He gets nervous at that, fingers slowly beginning to fiddle together. "Uh, I don't. . . I don't know. . ."

There's a certain flash of something in Tyler's eyes before they turn to Josh, and Brendon can't help but feel he has disappointed them. Maybe he's not getting better after all. Maybe he won't. How long does it take to 'get better' anyways?

"What's for breakfast?" They ask Josh instead.

He hums, walking forward until he can lay against them almost, chin onto their chest, looking up at them with a small grin. "Pancakes?" He murmurs, absolutely glowing with the sun coming through like this.

Tyler runs a hand through his hair. "Pancakes it is."

Josh is content.

He closes his eyes, slowly wrapping his arms around them, pushing his face further into their chest. "Thank you, babe." He whispers. "You make me feel so lucky."

Tyler rolls their eyes, smirking. "Always such a baby in the morning."

Josh huffs. "Let me be a big clingy baby, Ty." He pulls away, still holding their hand. "Not my fault I love you."

"It isn't your fault," they start. "I just think it's cute that in the morning you're so much more affectionate." At that, they turn to look at Brendon. "You too."

He blushes. "Josh rubs off on me."

Tyler squints their eyes, humming. "Yeah, blame it on that."

Brendon will.

So with that being said, he and Josh both move to the table, sitting down. Brendon easily lays his head onto his arm, and before he can even do anything, he hears a snapping sound go off.

He opens his eyes to see Josh smiling at his camera.

He purses his lips. "You didn't get my permission,"

Josh smiles. "Too bad."

Brendon sighs, sitting up. He watches him for a moment before leaning forward a little, trying to catch something, anything. "Can I see at least?" He ends up asking.

Without another second to pass, Josh is nodding. He sits at the chair closest to Brendon and turns the camera to face him.

Quickly too, Brendon makes a face of disgust. "Jesus," he gets out.

Josh rolls his eyes. "You and Tyler both, man." He grumbles.

Brendon meets eyes with him then. "What?"

Josh leans back into his chair, sighing, continuing to scroll through some photos he has taken recently. "You both have the same reaction to yourselves." He states. "I dunno. It just makes me upset. You both are so god damn good-looking, I wish you'd see that."

Brendon's throat feels tight. "Sorry." He looks downwards. "It's a good picture."

Josh shrugs. "Natural beauty is what makes it good."

Brendon doesn't have much to say. For some reason, he feels guilty. Letting someone down once again. He needs to be more comfortable in his body, it's important. He needs to stop bringing himself down over his appearance, but at this point, it feels impossible. So many of his issues involve his self-image.

At the thought, Brendon huffs, leaning back down against the table after wrapping his arms around himself. Through the shirt, he feels everything. These everythings make him lose hope fast. Make him crumble fast.

He really isn't getting any better, is he?

Brendon wants to. He does, truly. He wants to eat three meals a day like he should, and he wants to gain enough weight back to fit into his clothes regularly again; he wants Tyler and Josh to love his body.

He wants them to love it enough to where shedding his skin and revealing himself would perhaps not be so taunting. Yes, he's scared of the idea now, but that does not mean it doesn't pique his interest, or he doesn't want it. He wants it. He wants them. Badly. Yet there is so much anxiety surrounding that, and he wishes constantly that it was different.

Time is ticking.

Nine days, and he's thirty.

Nine days, and he's even more pathetic than before.

Somehow too, almost like Josh is reading his mind, he asks, "Do you have any plans for your birthday?"

Brendon slowly lifts his head once again, turning to look at him. "Me?"

Josh cracks a smile. "Yes, Brendon. You." He shakes his head. "Tyler's birthday isn't for another eight months."

Brendon nods, shrugging. He finds it almost funny that Josh even has to ask, because does he really seem like the type of person to actually do anything for his birthday, or have the friends and family to do so? God, no. Definitely not.

He bites his cheek. "I don't really celebrate my birthday, so. . ."

Josh pauses. "Oh," he gets out. "Do you not want us to do something for you then? Would that, like. . . Offend you?"

Brendon chuckles. "No," he gets out. "I just mean that there's been no reason for me to. I haven't had anyone to really celebrate it with."

Josh smiles a little. "Well, now you have us, so it's time to celebrate."

Brendon swallows thickly. "I guess so,"

Josh watches his actions, and slowly, he's grabbing ahold of his hand. "Can Tyler and I come over after work that day?"

Brendon frowns. "Why my apartment? There's nothing to do there, it's better if we just do something here." He decides, nodding along to what he's saying. Maybe he's also scared of them seeing what little he has in his fridge-- in his kitchen in general.

Josh shakes his head though. "No, we'll go to your apartment."

Brendon sighs. "I guess."

"Tyler and I will make you dinner," he continues, playing with his fingers. "What's your favorite?"

Brendon only shrugs.

Josh purses his lips. "C'mon, everyone has a favorite food--"

"Josh," Tyler interrupts from the kitchen.

He doesn't even look back at them, he already knows. Brendon can see the realization eat away at his face subtly, and he blinks, Adam's apple bobbing. "Sorry," he whispers. "Uh, would you just prefer for us to make something small. . . And not make it a priority?"

Brendon's stomach twists.

He thinks.

He's thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and once he comes to a conclusion, he grips Josh's hand tighter.

"My mom used to make fettuccine alfredo for me every birthday," he murmurs. "I think that's my favorite."

There's some silence. Josh checks his eyes and his movements to see if there's any sign that he's not telling the truth. When he decides he's not lying, that he's being honest and open about this, he nods. "We can do that."

Brendon nods as well. "Okay." He whispers.

There's some silence. Some consideration. Perhaps Josh is realizing what is and isn't comfortable for him to talk about when it comes to food, and how it took a lot just to confess he does have a favorite meal.

"Cake?" He suddenly continues, tentatively.

Brendon subconsciously pulls a knee up to his chest, heart pounding. Why. "I like chocolate," he murmurs.

Josh gives him a reassuring smile. "Good to know you have taste." He jokes, still holding his hand, still giving him needed comfort.

Brendon's lips twitch into a smile but nothing more. He and Josh spend the next fifteen minutes or so simply touching one another, helping one another. He can fall asleep all over again because of how warm everything is. From the sun, to his skin, to the heat of the stove-- he's trying his hardest to forget about anything that could be worrying at the moment.

He's begging to forget it all.

In nine days, he will be thirty.

In nine days, he will eat the dinner Josh and Tyler make him.

In nine days, he will eat his birthday cake afterwards.

He will. He has to. He needs to.

But, most importantly, he wants to.

After a while, Tyler is placing a plate in front of him and Josh, and then one for themself. They make sure to hand out utensils as well as syrup and butter before asking Josh to pour each of them coffee while they feed Jim.

It's a dynamic that works perfectly. It's a dynamic that works so domestically.

Once the three of them are settled, Brendon looks down at his plate with a careful smile when catching that his pancake is in the shape of a heart. Looking to the left, he sees that Josh's pancakes are the same way, and his own heart swells from something as simple and ridiculous as that.

Brendon meets eyes with Tyler, and they give him the softest look.

"You're so cheesy," he whispers.

They shrug. "Maybe I'm not cheesy enough."

Brendon hums, content, taking a sip of his coffee instead of saying anything in return. There might be food in front of him, but god, he isn't anxious about it as much as he might have been. Not when Tyler most likely knew somehow that this would relieve any nerves because when focusing on what's in front of him, there's a distraction opposed to fear. The message is bold.

Tyler cooks with love, feeds him with love. This is a physical way of showing it.

He smiles more to himself at the thought, taking one last sip of his coffee before setting it down.

It isn't until then where he notices Tyler still looking at him, a look he doesn't see often in their eyes, and instead of being able to question it, they speak up before him.

"Josh and I were talking," they start.

Brendon swallows thickly. "Yeah?"

They finally look somewhere else besides him. Down at their plate, cutting a piece off from their pancake. "Maybe the three of us can go out for the night."

Brendon blinks.

He blinks, and immediately is biting the inside of his cheek "Like. . . A date?"

The corner of Tyler's lips turn upwards. "Yeah," they finish chewing, clearing their throat a bit before anything else. "We came to the realization that we have never actually been on one with you. We usually just hangout here, which is nice, but I also feel like going out and doing something together would be really good for all of us."

Brendon nods along, sheepishly. "Okay."

"Okay?"

He shrugs, throat feeling tighter the longer he thinks about it. "I'd like that." He continues nodding. "I would. . . I just. . ." A sigh. "It makes me anxious to be out in public. . . I don't know."

Josh purses his lips. "I think that's another reason it could be good for us," he squeezes his thigh for a moment, giving a soft smile. "You've done really well every time we've been out. I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You'll be okay. You'll have us, too. We've got you."

Brendon inhales, exhales. "Yeah. I know." He glances between the two of them. "A date sounds nice." He decides.

Tyler and Josh both glow at that.

"Would you mind going somewhere nice to eat?" Josh wonders around the mug.

Brendon glances down. He takes into what's to come now, and what might come later. Maybe he should start by pouring some syrup onto his pancakes.

He does that before anything else.

Afterwards, he looks back to Josh, Adam's apple bobbing. "I think that'd be okay."

Josh squints his eyes just slightly. "Okay," he gets out. "If you feel uncomfortable with that, you can tell us. We'll figure out something else to do."

Brendon simply nods. "Is this happening. . . Tonight?"

"Would that be alright?" Tyler wonders.

Brendon nods another time. "Tonight is good. I'll stay over here afterwards?"

Tyler's easily agreeing. "Yeah," they murmur. "Afterwards, we'll come back home, and I can hold you, and Josh can kiss you, and Jim can lick your face. Or Josh. Either one."

There's some silence then.

It meets their conversation harshly, but Brendon can't help it. He replays their words over and over again in his head, stomach not knowing how to take it.

"Home," Brendon whispers.

Immediately, Tyler's sucking in their bottom lip. "Sorry." They mutter. "You know what I mean."

Before Brendon can respond, Josh pipes up instead. "Home feels a lot more like home with you here. I think that's why we're referring to it like that." He traces the rim of his mug with his pointer finger. "If you don't feel the same way though, we'll definitely stop."

Brendon blinks a few times to take it all in.

"This is home." He concludes.

There's a silence between the three of them. Those few words settle quickly, humbly. It's enough-- no, more than enough.

Brendon clears his throat, looking downwards. "I'll stop by my. . . Apartment after work and get some more suitable clothes to wear, if we are going somewhere nice."

Josh's smile lights up the room more than before. "Gonna dress nice for us?"

Brendon can't help the tug that pulls at his lips. He slowly uses his fork to cut a piece from his pancake, still not taking a bite, simply preparing himself for what's to come. "I think that's the most appropriate thing." He says. "As long as you both do the same. Not because I don't want to seem like an outcast, but, you know. . . I'd like to see you two dress up nice."

Josh hums. "Sounds like a plan,"

Tyler nods in agreement, slowly. "You get dressed at your apartment, and afterwards, come home." It's right. It's so, so right. "We'll head out then."

Brendon nods as well. "Okay."

He's not ready to leave, but he's definitely ready to come back home.

He always is.

***

For the first time in a long time, Brendon doesn't mind being at work. It has given him a while to prepare himself for the night, and besides that, he's just happy. There's a subtle smile on his face the entire day as he sits down at his desk, there's even a subtle smile on his face as he takes the first bite of his Cup O' Noodle on his lunch break.

It's definitely not normal for him, so maybe that's why Luke tilts his head and says, "You're in a much better mood than you were before. What's up?"

Brendon swallows thickly, stabbing into the bowl of food with his plastic fork, still content. "Everything's good right now." He whispers.

He's proud of himself, really. He supposes he's this happy because there's a clear possibility that he is actually growing as a person. He has already tackled multiple obstacles in just hours. Hours. It's helping him believe he's finally getting somewhere. His self-esteem is moving forward and his relationship is too; he pushed past every anxiety to tell Josh and Tyler what he has needed to for a long time. Even when it was uncomfortable and still is for him to think about, Brendon is glad he has said it.

It's not only that though, it's much more.

The date.

Brendon doesn't think he's ever been this excited to go out in public.

Luke's lips curl upwards. "I'm really glad to hear that, man." He blinks a few times, gauging the entire situation. "Things are going well with Josh and Tyler then, yeah?"

Brendon nods easily.

That's another thing that makes him overjoyed.

"We're doing really good." He concludes.

Luke nods as well. "That's awesome."

Brendon agrees. Of course he does. But, instead of focusing on himself, he disregards it. "What about you?" He decides to ask. "Have you put any more thought into proposing?"

This obviously piques Luke's interest a little more. He sits up straighter in his seat after taking a bite of food, meeting eyes with Brendon. "I think Ryland getting engaged has definitely made me want to do it even more. He seems a lot happier, so I'm hoping I'll have the same outcome." He bites the smile off his face. "I've been looking for rings."

As he says this, Brendon can't help but smile with him.

Though, that joy quickly shifts into a deep panic when he looks over Luke's shoulder to see Debby slowly making her way towards them.

His eyes widen, his smile falls.

Luke seems confused by this. Immediately, he turns his head around to see what has caused this reaction, and immediately, he turns to face Brendon with the same exact expression.

"Shit." He whispers.

Brendon shakes his head in response.

He drops his fork into his food, averting his eyes down to his lap, praying that this isn't really happening. It can't be. Not when he feels genuinely content with the way things are turning out.

He shakes his head again. In denial.

It doesn't do much good, though.

"Brendon," he hears. Surprisingly, it's meek. Surpringly, it's almost like Debby has some sincerity to her.

He can't look up at her. He really can't.

He's scared.

She sighs softly. "I know you probably don't want to hear shit from me, and I get that, but. . . I'd really appreciate it if we can talk, for just a second."

Brendon quickly shakes his head again.

There's silence after that. It's terrifying, it's unnerving, and Brendon feels pity for Luke that he has to witness this.

"I want to apologize, Brendon." Debby murmurs.

More silence.

Brendon's heart drops when he processes those words. It's not because he's scared this time, he's simply in shock that he actually just heard that. There's no way. No way. Why did she take so much time to become the bigger person? Is this some joke? What if Ryan and Ryland are in on this?

Slowly, he looks up at her, meeting her eyes.

She swallows thickly. "I hurt you. I've hurt myself." She glances somewhere else right away, this obviously not being fairly easy for her, and Brendon wouldn't imagine it to be. "After everything happened, I felt embarrassed by the way I handled things. I was so insecure, and it was clear. I wasn't in a very good place when I started hanging out with you, and now that I look back on it, I'm dissapointed to say that I. . . I used you, in a way. To make myself feel better."

Brendon can't process any of this.

He's so unbelievably suprised she's owning up to her mistake.

"I know that saying I wasn't doing well at the time isn't an excuse for treating you the way I did-- nothing is, really-- but I know now how wrong the whole thing was. It makes me feel sick to think about what I've done. I was so desperate." Debby clears her throat, meeting eyes with him again. "You're a great person, Brendon. After I found out Ryan and Ryland have been hanging out with you, it made me realize even more that I needed to change something. They're amazing friends, and I don't want to lose them, but I also don't want to live with the fact that I ruined what could have probably been another friendship."

The thought of Brendon and Debby being friends makes his mind spin. He had never seriously considered that, and he's not sure he ever will.

"I completely understand if you don't want to accept my apology. I've treated you like shit." Debby closes her eyes for a moment, inhaling, exhaling. "But I seriously, seriously, am so sorry. I owe that to you and so much more, and I can only hope that maybe things can be okay between us. That's all I want. What I did was childish, and I shouldn't have ever gotten you involved."

Brendon takes it all in, leg bouncing as he nods carefully.

"Okay." He whispers.

He glances to Luke, and his eyes are as wide as can be.

Brendon looks back to Debby. "Thank you. . . For, uh. . . Recognizing your mistakes. That-that means a lot to me, and I can respect that." His throat is tight, so tight. "I really don't want anything to be weird between us. We're okay. I accept your apology, but please don't. . . Belittle me again."

Debby nods, eager. "Yeah. Of course, Brendon. I'm sorry. I really am."

"I know." He does.

He's stunned. Though, he's definitely relieved.

Debby nods another time. "Thank you." She mutters. "I'm gonna go out to eat now with Ryan and Ryland. . . But thank you for listening to me. I appreciate it a lot." She takes a step back, gripping her purse. "I'll see you two later." She ends up saying, a small, sheepish smile on her face as she walks away.

Afterwards, Brendon faces Luke, and Luke faces him.

"Damn." Luke gets out.

"Damn indeed." Brendon whispers, shaking his head in disbelief as he takes a tentative bite of his food.

"So that's just that?" He wonders.

Brendon shrugs, heart heavy in his chest. "The thought of her being upset with me is a lot scarier than the thought of us possibly being friends." The idea rattles him. "Yeah, she's right that what she did to me was shitty. It really was. And I hate that when it happened I kept thinking it was my fault-- but to know she's actually sorry and feels guilty about it. . . That helps. I don't completely forgive her, still, moving past it is better than dwelling on it."

Luke blinks, a few times. "You're so easygoing."

Brendon furrows his brows when he says it. "That's a first."

Luke laughs, shaking his head. He takes another bite if his food. "It's true, dude." When he sees that Brendon still has the same expression, he continues. "You made it so casual. If I was you, I would have definitely not forgiven her that easily. She was such a bitch to you. Maybe I have a quick temper but Jesus Christ, her coming up and saying all that shit-- I would not have been nearly as nice as you."

Brendon considers what he's saying with a sour stomach.

"I mean. . . I don't know. I just don't see the point of being mad at her right now. I have better things to do."

Luke hums, nodding along. "You're right." He meets his eyes. "I guess I'm just young and dumb." He pauses. "And bitter."

"Wouldn't have you any other way," Brendon jokes.

Luke smiles. "Good."

Brendon smiles again, too. A pause was put to his happiness but now he's gleaming just like before, possibly brighter. He's pushing through, he's making it through. He's thriving at this point, and really, it couldn't be any more beautiful.

***

By the time Brendon makes it home, he's immediately rushing into his bedroom, unpacking all of his clothes from the last time he spent the night at Tyler and Josh's house, and packing new ones into his bag. As well as his wax pen. . . Because with all of the overwhelming events that have happened and will happen, he's sure he's going to be itching for it by the end of the night.

After everything is packed, he's slipping his phone from out of his pocket, video calling Josh.

And of course, Josh picks up in seconds.

Once his face is on the screen, Brendon lays his phone down onto the beside table so Josh can't see him as he slowly begins unbuckling his belt, as well as pulling his slacks off.

"Where's my beautiful man at?" Josh wonders when noticing his absence.

Brendon rolls his eyes, grinning ear to ear, so fucking excited to be able to see him, and touch him, and laugh with him again.

He grips his thighs, looking towards his phone. "I'm changing." He gets out.

Josh chuckles. "Well why'd you facetime me if you didn't want me to see?"

Brendon begins unbuttoning his shirt, as giddy as can be at this point. "So I can peek at your cute face without you knowing." He says.

Josh hums loud enough for him to hear, making Brendon miss him even more somehow. He just wants to be held again, and he wants Josh to kiss the back of his neck while Tyler holds him from the front. It's his safe space and even though it hasn't even been a full day, he misses it. God, he fucking misses it.

"Not fair." Josh decides. "I wanna see your cute face, too."

Brendon huffs. "Give me a second!" He chuckles.

Josh laughs along with him. "Okay! Hurry up, I miss it."

Brendon smiles even wider, if that's remotely possible.

Once he finally gets his top off, he's moving over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans and a button up he hasn't worn in years. It's nice, simple, a dark gray, but it's probably the closest thing he has to formalwear besides his work clothes.

It'll do.

By the time Brendon has his jeans on and is struggling to get them to fit to his hips, Josh whines impatiently. "You're taking so long." He's such a baby. "Unless you're putting on some gold-plated suit, you have absolutely no excuse."

Brendon rolls his eyes, mindlessly deciding he needs his belt again for this to work.

"Tyler's right about you being a brat." He says, playfully.

"Oh, whatever." Josh huffs. "Tyler's the biggest brat, they're just afraid to admit that."

Before Brendon can respond, Tyler's voice interrupts him. "I'd shut up right about now if I were you, Josh."

At that, Brendon takes a glimpse at his phone screen, seeing Josh biting the smirk off his face, staring past the camera at what can only be their spouse. He tilts his head, so mischevious, so needy. "What if I don't wanna shut up, hmm?"

"Well, I'm telling you to shut up, so you better." Tyler murmurs.

Brendon tightens his belt and buckles it at this time, finally beginning to put his button up on which-- god, he really needs to iron-- but he doesn't have time for that.

Josh sighs. "Let me be a brat if I want,"

"You're going to be thirty this year."

"Your point is?"

There's a pause. "I don't have a point." They decide. "I kind of like the fact that my husband's a big brat, even when he's definitely too old to be."

"Never too old." Josh says, giddy.

"You sure about that?"

"Mhm," he gets out. "Even when we're eighty I'm gonna pester the shit out of you and be a big whiny baby just 'cause I can. But you like it, so I'm sure you won't mind."

Tyler's probably shaking their head. "Well, if you keep it up that long I might be tired of it by then."

"I'm done," Brendon suddenly interjects, holding his phone so he's able to gauge everything.

Josh smiles at the camera, dismissing his and Tyler's conversation completely. "Look at that cutie!"

Brendon grins sheepishly.

Without a second to pass, Tyler is moving from their spot on the couch to another, behind Josh, to see for themself. They hum. "The cutest."

Josh pouts. "What about me?"

"There can be two cutests." They conclude.

Josh says nothing, simply nodding in content and slowly leaning back until he can rest against Tyler. They look so happy, which ultimately just makes Brendon feel even more jubilant than before, especially remembering that he's going to be with them in less than an hour.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes," he says at the thought.

Tyler nods. "We'll be here, waiting. Looking hot."

Brendon smiles. "Can't wait to see."

That's the last thing said before he ends the call.

It doesn't take long for him to toss the bag strap over his shoulder and start heading out. He makes sure the door is locked by shaking the handle a few times, and as soon as he's about to walk over to the stairs, a familiar voice calls his name.

Slowly, he turns around, giving Hayley a soft smile. "Hey."

She gives him the same gesture in return. "Hey," she gets out. Afterwards, she examines his appearance. "You're dressed nice."

He's glad it's evident.

"I've got a date." He thinks about it more, sticking his bottom lip out. "Well, two, to be exact."

Hayley chuckles. "I hope you have fun." She decides, and almost awkwardly, she brushes her bangs back, ankle twisting inwards. "When will you be back?" She suddenly asks. "Jack's at his dad's this week, so I can use someone to hangout with."

Brendon never knows anymore.

He's spending the night at Tyler and Josh's house tonight, and honestly, probably tomorrow as well. He's over there constantly. At this point he practically lives there, so giving her an answer is proven difficult because of this.

Still, he says, "I'll be here for my birthday."

That's the only time he's sure of.

Hayley nods slowly. "When's that?"

"The twelfth,"

She nods again. "Do you have any plans, or. . ."

Brendon swallows thickly. "Tyler and Josh are coming over, I know that much. They were really adamant about having it here, so I'm not sure exaclty what that means, but once I'm free I'll tell you, yeah?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." She says.

"Awesome." He murmurs. "I'll see you then?"

Hayley gives him an all-lip smile. "I'll see you then."

The corner of his mouth tugs upwards, and with that, he turns around and walks off, downstairs, all the way to the parking spaces where his car is at. After he's settled and has the radio going, he pulls out of the apartment complex with an overwhelming amount of excitement coarsing throughout his body. A type he hasn't experienced in years, and in a way, he feels like a kid again. It seems like the world has so much in store for him despite how long he has been through it.

Brendon can only see that as a good thing, though.

Tyler and Josh are his good things.

***

Once Brendon makes it to where he is supposed to be, he can't stop himself from smiling. Unlike most occasions, he doesn't take his time to make it to the door; he's rushing over and ringing the bell, bouncing back and forth on the heels of his feet when he's no longer able to contain his anticipation.

And, when the door opens and Josh grins widely at him, he's instantly pulling him into a tight hug, sticking his face into his chest.

Josh chuckles when he does, arms wrapping around him. "I missed you too, baby."

Brendon is happy.

He breathes him in, noticing the cologne, nods, and finally pulls away after gripping his top one last time.

That's when he takes into account his appearance. Without another second to pass either, Brendon's cheeks heat up at the sight of him. He looks so good. So good. It's nothing too formal or extravagant but it's just right, with his white button up, black leather jacket, jeans-- and oh, my god-- the boots.

Brendon swallows thickly.

Josh seems to gauge how much of a toll his outfit alone has made on him, so he spins, pursing his lips together smugly. "Does it look good?"

Brendon shakes his head. "Shut up."

Josh smiles, pulling him close again and kissing the top of his head. "You look amazing, too." He whispers.

Brendon slowly lifts his head up to look at him as he rests on his chest, flushed, in tremendously deep for the person right here in front of him. He blinks in slow motion it seems, and Josh is just as gentle when he leans down to press his lips against his, lightly, effortlessly. Casually.

Brendon's heart swells.

After he pulls away, Josh brushes his hair back, which reminds him that he forgot use gel, but he disregards those thoughts and instead focuses on the galaxy before him that comes in dark shades. Toffee, caramel, coffee, warmth.

It's delicate, like everything else.

"I love your eyes." Brendon murmurs the longer they stand there like that, far too captivated to say nothing.

They squint as Josh smiles in return.

He dwells his response longer than he probably should, Adam's apple bobbing amongst the silence, but finally, he speaks up. "I love everything about you."

It's so sincere, Brendon almost doesn't believe it.

He pouts instead of anything else. "Don't one-up me like that."

Josh laughs, nodding. "Sorry."

Brendon can't help but smile. He steps back after a moment though, finger continuing to stay hooked around Josh's belt loop, yet he still feels just as close to him. "Where's Tyler?" He ends up asking.

Josh hums. "Probably still trying to find the perfect thing to wear for tonight."

Brendon blinks, tilting his head slightly. "They're. . . They're okay, though, right?"

After everything that has happened these last couple of weeks, he's never completely sure how Tyler is doing. It's troubling. Despite them showing obvious signs of recovering from the last terrible event that had happened, he still worries that something horrible could occur, especially after everything he has witnessed by now.

Easily though, Josh nods. "Yeah, Bren. They're okay. Don't worry." He squeezes the hand he has at his hip. "They do this nearly every day. Making sure they're wearing whatever is just right for how they're feeling. It's not like you saw the last time, believe me. They're okay."

It's a relief.

"Okay," Brendon croaks.

"When they're going out somewhere more formal, they do this the most." Josh informs. "We can go up there and check on them though, yeah?"

Brendon immediately nods. "Yeah."

He makes sure to lay his bag down on the couch before the two of them head up the stairs, fingers barely interlocked as Josh knocks carefully. "Are you decent?"

"I'm always decent." Tyler answers, and before anything else, they're opening the door, revealing another outfit that once again works Brendon into a fucking frenzy.

He squeezes Josh's hand as soon as his heart skips a beat, but Josh shakes his head, chuckling at the sight of his partner.

"Are you seriously wearing your ass pants?"

Brendon blinks when he hears it. What?

Tyler smirks. "Duh,"

Brendon blinks again, looking between the two of them with his brows furrowed. "I'm sorry-- what are ass pants?"

Tyler rolls their eyes, turning around and walking off into the room, beginning to hang up all the clothes they've brought out. "Every time I wear these pants Josh comments how good my ass looks in them, so eventually we just started calling them my ass pants."

Brendon is about to speak up, but Josh does before him. "Which they pretty much only wear on special occasions now, so call yourself lucky."

His eyes drift downwards when they bend over to grab shirts off the floor.

"I'm definitely feeling lucky." He murmurs.

Brendon's cheeks flush even more-- his whole body does. "Josh," he gets out.

Josh shakes his head, sticking a hand out, directing it to them. "C'mon Brendon, you can't look at them in those pants and not think their ass look good."

Brendon closes his eyes, head dropping. "Josh, I'm not going to look at their ass."

"Why not?" He exclaims.

"Yeah, why not?" Tyler adds in.

Brendon sighs, overwhelmed, so overwhelmed, yet slowly, he picks up his head. "Because I'm not. . . I don't know." He opens his eyes again, meeting Tyler's back facing him.

"I won't mind," Tyler comments, simply, without any worry, and Brendon falls for it as easy as that. It's not like he hasn't looked at their ass before, he has, god, he has-- but to know both them and Josh are going to be aware that he's now doing it is strange.

Still, inch by inch, his eyes wander further down as they continue bending forward to clean up the mess they've made, then standing once more.

And yeah, he probably stares way longer than he should.

And yeah, Josh definitely notices a lot faster than Tyler does.

But, finally, Brendon clears his throat, looking away, off, to the outside of the room then the floor. "Okay." He whispers, not sure what to really say.

Josh quirks a brow at him. "Okay? Tyler's ass is a lot more than okay." He says, pointing towards them again. "Look at them, they look hot!"

Brendon knows! He knows so well! The black boots they have, the short black button up they're wearing (which is definitely a women's top considering the flowiness and length) the velvet maroon choker matching a perfectly fit pair of velvet maroon pants-- holy shit does he know. It's overwhelming how hot they look.

"They do!" Brendon murmurs, voice cracking in the slightest.

Josh laughs airily, nodding, nodding. "Good!"

Tyler finally turns around, shaking their head. "Josh, would you stop harassing him over my ass please."

"Not sure I can," he says.

Tyler rolls their eyes, still smirking. They know exactly what they're doing and Brendon can't stand it. "Let's just head out. I'm hungry."

It's those few words which make reality set so deeply into Brendon's bones that he doesn't even catch himself scratching at his thighs before both Tyler and Josh do. Of course too, Josh rests his hand onto his back, brows pulled together, sincere, worried. "Hey, are you okay?"

Brendon doesn't look at him; his throat feels tighter. "Yeah," he manages to get out.

There's a pause.

Tyler slowly walks closer, running a hand through his hair. "If you feel like you can't go out tonight, that's okay. We can stay here. It's up to you."

Brendon shakes his head. "No." He meets their eyes. "I-I wanna go. Don't worry. We're going." He nods along to what he's saying just so the words will sink into his brain, so positivity sinks into his brain opposed to the exact opposite which constantly eats away at him. "I'm just. . . Nervous. . . But what's new."

Tyler examines his features, the way he has quickly become pale at the thought of what he's in for. They swallow thickly. "You're going to be okay. You always are with us." They assure. "If it helps, one of us will hold your hand as long as you need it. We're right here with you, for anything. Okay? So breathe. You're going to do great."

Brendon nods again. "Okay." He whispers.

He's surrounded by love and support, why can't he block out everything else?

Tyler gives him a careful smile, Josh does too. It's all he needs to push through the anxiety at this point. He would do anything for them, even if that meant facing a huge room full of numerous people so they can simply eat a dinner together.

Josh pulls his hand away from his back. "Ready?"

Brendon nods, again. Always sheepish.

With that, the three of them are making their way out from the bedroom once Josh grabs his wallet. Ultimately, Brendon still feels shitty that he hasn't really bought either of them anything, because he should, and he wants to, but at this point it seems like Josh and Tyler prefer to let him enjoy without having to worry about it.

Maybe soon he will, though.

As they're about to head downstairs, Josh looks Tyler in the eyes and cocks his head towards the bathroom, which they shake their head to, whispering, "I'm alright."

Josh believes them, yet never asks Brendon the same thing.

Either way, he doesn't have to use the restroom either, so he supposes it doesn't matter all that much.

They make it to the entrance and in the blink of an eye, Josh is locking up the house, leaving Jim in his kennel and turning on the livingroom TV to make it seem as though someone is watching it. For good measure.

Afterwards, they walk out to the car.

Brendon sighs to himself when grabbing ahold of the door handle for the backseat. In all honesty, he can't stand being separated from Tyler and Josh. He wants to be able to sit with them, rest his head on one of their shoulders, watch the way their eyes would concentrate on the road-- but, he's stuck in the back, alone, which is seriously one of the only flaws when it comes to having a relationship with three people.

Or Brendon is needy.

Either way, he doesn't enjoy it. At all.

Just as he's about to get in after Josh unlocks the car though, Tyler places their hand on his, making him furrow his brows.

He looks at them, confused.

"I'll sit back there with you." They say.

Brendon is at a loss. "You don't have to--" he stops, catching the sheer look of anxiety in their eyes, immediately understanding. "Yeah. Okay." He decides.

Tyler nods, so they both leave it at that.

Brendon climbs in and they follow, leaving Josh in the front alone, but he doesn't seem to mind very much; he simply looks back to make sure they both have their seatbelts on before starting the car and pulling out from the driveway.

Immediately too, Tyler's fingernails dig into his knee. Brendon hadn't even really noticed they were resting their hand there until then, yet as soon as he catches it, he leans on their shoulder, kissing just beneath their choker, rubbing his nose against their skin.

Tyler ends up squeezing his hand.

"I'm nervous too." They admit.

Brendon rubs his thumb over theirs. "I know." He murmurs. There's music playing but he blocks it all out in order to hear every croak and quiver from them. "If you're nervous too then why are we doing this?" He whispers, not harshly, in his natural meek tone.

Tyler settles into the seat a little more. "Just because I'm nervous doesn't mean I shouldn't do it. Usually nerves come from things that matter to us most, and a date with you and Josh is definitely important to me." They explain. "Besides, eighty percent of the time I'm nervous to leave the house-- you know what, make that ninety."

Brendon chuckles, pulling back to look at them. "Beats my one hundred."

Tyler gives him a careful smile. "I have you."

"I have you too."

It's so simple, but needed more than anything else. He puts more trust in them and Josh to help him through this journey he calls life, and when Tyler continues staring at him, he leans forward slightly to give them that go. That yes. That please. That consent.

Tyler easily presses their lips against his, and he's born again. His heart feels like it's about to beat out of his chest, still, he's somehow at ease. And Tyler continues. Their free hand moves to his cheek to guide it, because with how bumpy the road is, they need it, and Brendon follows after them every time they do something different.

"Don't makeout for the first time without me." Josh jokes from the front.

Quickly, Brendon's cheeks turn a soft shade of pink as he pulls away. Tyler only smiles, kissing his forehead, bringing him close to where his face is tucked away into their chest almost, like they're shielding him, protecting him, protecting themself. "Not without you." Tyler responds.

Josh smiles. Brendon barely catches it.

"Good." He says.

Tyler nods along, leaving it at that, simply threading their fingers delicately through Brendon's hair to ease both of them down. They're definitely doing it subconsciously, but he's grateful for it.

Brendon solely leans in for more.

***

**Trigger warning: social anxiety.**

As soon as they're at the restaurant, he feels sick to his stomach. By taking a glance at the place he can already tell what he's in for, from the shadows of people behind the tinted glass pane to all of the cars in the parking lot, and before any of them can walk inside, Brendon's crouching slightly, hiding away in his hands with a loud sigh laced with a groan.

"Hey, Brendon," Josh speaks up once he catches it. "Do you need to sit down for a second?"

Brendon swallows thickly, shaking his head as he stands once again. "I'm sorry I just-- yeah. Just for a second. Please. Sorry." Before either of them can say anything in return, he rushes to one of the benches in front of the restaurant and sits, immediately planting his face into his hands. He breathes in deeply through his nose and out through his mouth, too focused on himself to notice Tyler and Josh taking a seat next to him.

But, after a moment, he does look up. Not exactly to look at them, simply to find distractions for his brain to fixate on.

He sees grass. . . He sees flowers along the building. . . He sees the stars in the sky. . . He sees the moon. . . What else does he see? What else does he see? His heart drops when he can't think of anything, eyes moving every-which-way to try and find something.

Tyler grips his knee again; he sees their maroon pants.

Okay. Okay. Brendon nods to himself, closing his eyes to feel his surroundings. He scratches at his pants, that's one, and then he, hesitantly, goes to feel Tyler's. They don't seem to mind, which is relieving, so he continues running his fingers along the velvet while he finds something else.

The wood of the bench, and after a moment, he feels Josh's hand when he connects theirs together.

Carefully, Brendon opens his eyes back up to look at him.

Crickets croak in the background, cars rush past them in the street-- he catches it all, but the most important thing he catches is Josh whispering, "You're okay."

He smells his cologne. He smells the love.

Brendon leans forward until his face is pressed against his chest, breathing it all in, nodding, nodding, nodding.

"Do you feel like you can still do this?" Josh asks, for certainty.

Brendon nods again. "Yes. Yes." His heart is about to burst out of his chest. "Sorry. I'm ready."

He pulls away from Josh but keeps their hands connected, biting his lip before he can really consider it. Josh simply pulls it out from his teeth, caressing his cheekbone, reassuring him naturally.

"Don't apologize, Bren." He assures. "You can take all the time you need."

Brendon squeezes his hand. "I'm ready." He murmurs.

"Okay." With that, the three of them slowly stand up. Brendon's knees are so weak the entire time they make their way inside, and he can't even bear to look up from his feet. He's embarrassed to say he's scared of what others are thinking about him right now, hand in hand with another man, looking visibly biddable, and weak, and different.

Nonetheless, he continues focusing on the ground in order for the anxiety to not eat away at him completely. It seems incapable for him to hear a single word from the waiter's mouth, or Josh, or Tyler's-- he's so gone that he only breaks away from his thoughts when Josh let's go of his hand.

He looks up frantically.

Josh holds onto his shoulder to try to ease him down. "Do you want one of us to sit next to you?"

He thinks about it. Thinks about how overwhelming it would be to not have the booth and the space to himself.

He shakes his head. "I'll sit across from you both." He whispers, eyes glancing to the waiter before casting back down to the floor.

Josh nods, he and Tyler moving onto one side, and Brendon slowly sits down across from them like he said. Nothing about this is easy, nothing about this is relaxing. He grips the menu once it's placed down in front of him, breathing in through his nose still, breathing out through his mouth. It's all he can do right now.

"What kind of drinks can I start you off with?" The waiter questions.

Brendon fiddles with one of the pages, Adam's apple bobbing.

Tyler asks for water, Josh asks for Coke.

"And what would you like, sir?" He gets asked, reminding him of the last time the three of them went out to eat together. How he was too nervous to order himself, how humiliating it was that he was falling back into that cycle, and it's happening again. But worse. So much worse. He can't even look at the waiter this time.

"He'll take a Pepsi." Tyler speaks up for him.

Brendon is surprised they remembered.

"Okay," the man gets out. "I'll go get those for you while you decide what to eat. Take your time."

With that, he's gone, and Brendon feels a weight lift off of his shoulders.

Carefully then, he looks up, meets Tyler's eyes, but looks right back down afterwards. "Thank you." He whispers.

They say nothing. Brendon doesn't know how to feel about it, yet his heart swells instead of crumbles when they reach across the table and hold his hand. That's when he finally lifts his head and doesn't bring it back down, no. He examines everything happening outside of this booth opposed to that. Everyone. There's a family of four on their left, and in front of them, an older couple. Maybe in their fifties, perhaps. A man and a woman, which ultimately just heightens his insecurities.

"Stop looking around." Tyler pipes up.

Brendon's free hand continues to fiddle with the corner of the menu, eyes snapping to meet theirs.

"You're trying to find a reason to be more nervous. Don't do that. It makes everything so much worse." They lift his hand and kiss his fingertips. "Just focus on Josh and I. Just us. It's only us."

Brendon's Adam's apple bobs. "Yeah," he mumbles.

Tyler's eyes scan his whole being. They tilt their head in thought, lips naturally plump. "I haven't told you how good you look tonight," they comment, and Brendon's cheeks become warm. "You look so handsome."

Josh hums. "You're late. I already told him."

The corner of their lips lift. "It won't kill him to hear it again."

Brendon gives them a careful smile, throat tight, but he's trying his best to ignore that. "You both look amazing, too." He gets out.

Tyler squeezes his hand as he says it, which somehow helps in a way. He's already wanting to look around to make sure no one is watching them, but that simple action has reminded him that there's only two people he needs to be focused on, and they're right in front of him, looking so fucking incredible. He's lucky. More than lucky. They deserve his attention more than anyone else.

"I guess this is the part where we talk about date stuff, right?" Brendon suddenly murmurs.

Josh and Tyler both chuckle.

"I would say so, yes." Tyler answers.

Brendon nods, and afterwards, he blinks. "Well, what does that entail. . ." He trails off. "It's. . . It's been a while. . ."

Slowly, Tyler leans onto their elbows, using their other hand to hold Brendon's as well so now it's completely sheltered. "How was your day?"

Brendon hears it and takes a moment to really process the whole question. He forgot how well everything had been going, he forgot that he was smiling throughout the entire day. And, at the thought, he smiles again. "It was actually really good."

Tyler and Josh both nod. "I'm so glad," Tyler mutters wholeheartedly.

"What about you?" He tries. He's not used to this.

At that, he gets a shrug in return. "Dallon came over again."

Brendon squints. "He's treating you better, right?"

Tyler and Josh both chuckle as he says it, lighting up the entire place, making it easier for him to become comfortable. Still, he squeezes Tyler's hand, trying his hardest not to think about other's opinions of it. They're protecting him and that's all he needs.

"Yeah, its been a lot better." They assure. "I think telling him about you definitely set the whole thing straight."

Brendon raises his eyebrows. "Yeah, because I'm super intimidating."

Tyler nods. "Your presence threatens me every time."

"And me." Josh jokes.

Brendon rolls his eyes, shaking his head. He can't help but smile along.

Though, instead of going on about it, he looks at Josh, seeing the way his hair has become so long it nearly touches his shoulders. It's cute. He's cute. Brendon wants to run his fingers along every curl and tell him.

"How was your day?" He says instead.

Josh smiles. "I got to stay home and edit pretty much all day, which was nice. Abby and her girlfriend came over for lunch too, so Tyler finally got to meet Iris." Before Brendon can say anything in return, Josh continues. "By the way, you should spend the night tomorrow so I can take pictures of you like you promised. After work."

Tyler shakes their head, laughing lightly to themself because he won't let it go, and they both know that.

"Fine." Brendon sighs.

Josh is so pleased. "Good."

Brendon shakes his head as well, slowly opening up the menu in front of him, dismissing it.

Really, he has never been to this restaurant. That's not very much of a surprise though, considering he doesn't go out much, but he also has no idea what to order. His eyes are scanning the pages with a heavy heart, not just from the food, but because of how expensive it is. It makes his eyes subtly widen, free hand moving to his thigh so he can scratch at his knee.

By the time he's certain of what he'll order-- mostly because he doesn't even know what most of these dishes are-- the waiter comes back with their drinks, and when his Pepsi is placed in front of him, a meek 'thank you' falls from his lips.

The man, who Brendon now sees is named Jon, nods, looking back over to Tyler and Josh afterwards.

"Are you ready to order?" He asks.

Josh looks to Brendon for clarity, and Brendon nods his way.

"Yeah, we are."

Both him and Tyler order one of the dishes he has never heard of. And, he can easily tell they have been here quite a few times because of how specific they are, which makes him feel a little awkward when he is looked at to order and all he says is, "Fettuccine alfredo, please."

The waiter easily writes it down, though. "With or without chicken?"

Brendon bites his lip. "With." He murmurs. "And. . . Um, light on the sauce. Please."

He can't handle very much right now. He never can.

Jon tucks the notebook back into his pocket and collects the menus. "I'll be back with your food soon. Just wave at me if you need anything else." He smiles, walking away after that.

Immediately, as soon as Josh sees him disappear into the kitchen, he leans closer to Tyler, murmuring, "Not gonna lie, he's super hot."

Tyler chuckles, nodding along. "I was thinking the same thing."

To Brendon, he's in the position where, morally, he's shocked by this, but in every other way, he isn't. He knows how Tyler and Josh are, how they met, who they used to be, what they used to do, and so he has no reason to be surprised that they're openly talking about this in front of him, on a date. Does he mind it? He has no idea. Is he that worried about it? No, because they'd never disrespect him like that. Does he have a right to be upset about this? Probably, but they're not officially together, so he still doesn't have a clue what to think.

It's not wrong, it's just. . . Different. Everything they do is different.

Josh catches his uncertainty. "Sorry," he says. "Does that make you uncomfortable? We've never actually been with another person like this, so it's hard to tell. We can stop, Bren."

He shrugs. "I don't know. . ." There's a pause. "We're on a date." He comments.

Josh nods. "You're right. We'll stop."

Easily, Brendon feels all his insecurities eat away at him again, but before he can really process any, Tyler brings his hand back to their mouth and kisses it once more.

"You're more than enough for us. Please don't think you aren't." They assure. "Josh and I still haven't gotten completely used to being. . . You know, settled. That's our fault." Brendon can't be mad, it would be wrong of him to. Throughout Tyler and Josh's entire relationship they have always had the freedom to pick and choose, and now they're-- mostly, who knows if they will ever actually make it official-- with him. Only him. Adapting to that after countless years definitely must not be easy, so he gets it. He does. "Please tell us if we do something like that and you're uncomfortable. That's the last thing we want to do."

Brendon nods. "I know. I will."

Tyler kisses the back of his hand one last time for good measure, and it helps. He watches them lean onto Josh's shoulder, the three of them soon being led into an easy conversation. Brendon completely disregards everything else because he is begging to enjoy this time with them. He's begging to enjoy every second with the two people he cares about most. Although he knows deep down that Tyler is just as nervous as him right now to be in public, the way they treat the situation so easily aids him, and so does Josh when he smiles without a care in the world.

The lights might be dim but they're both glowing.

It doesn't take long for food to be served either, which can be a good thing or a terrible thing.

Truthfully, Brendon isn't so nervous about eating tonight. He's more nervous about being in public. His train of thought is that if he simply gets enough of his meal down, they can head home quicker. But, that idea also makes him feel guilty considering this is a date, and he wants to be able to say it went well, yet he knows for a fact everything is so much safer with the two of them when they're home.

After his first bite, Tyler let's go of his hand once squeezing it one last time.

He's okay, though.

He's okay.

Josh carries on with telling them both about all the projects he's working on, expressing his gratitude to have job he does, and all Brendon thinks about is how much he wishes he felt the same way. He can't stand work, he can't stand the ache in his back, he can't stand the amount of anxiety any little thing surrounding it brings him, and there's been countless times he has considered quitting but he knows he can't. He has too much on the line. So, he deals with it.

Tyler doesn't comment much on it unlike Brendon.

It's to the point where their silence becomes concerning, which leads him to glance at them often to understand, and each time, they look more and more awkward, but he can't figure out what it is.

Brendon barely gets a quarter way through his dinner before Tyler carefully leans to Josh and whispers, "I need to use the restroom."

Josh meets their eyes. "Ty, I asked you before we left--"

"I know. I know." Their Adam's apple bobs; they look guilty. "I need to. I'm sorry."

Josh shakes his head, placing his hand on their back. "Don't apologize. It's okay." Tyler nods, looking meek, making Brendon grasp that whatever this situation is, it isn't good. "Do you wanna leave?"

They nod again. "Yeah." They get out.

Josh nods with them, turning to Brendon. "Would that be okay?"

He doesn't completely understand what's happening, all he knows is that Tyler is extremely uncomfortable, and so is he.

"Of course." He says.

Josh takes one last bite of his food. "I'll get the waiter." He murmurs.

Tyler swallows thickly, eyes scanning over the entire restaurant, then landing back on their husband. "Can I have the keys? I want to go to the car."

Josh reaches into his pocket and hands them the keys.

Immediately too, Tyler's standing up from the booth, about to leave but Josh gets their attention and tilts his head up as an indicator.

Tyler easily leans down to kiss him. "I'll see you in a second."

Josh nods. "I love you."

"I love you too." They mutter, standing straight again, glancing over to Brendon with so much guilt in their eyes before walking off.

Brendon sits there with countless thoughts circling his mind. He looks to Josh for some sort of clarity, but he's too focused on getting the waiter's attention to catch it, which only makes Brendon feel more stuck than he already was.

With little consideration, he also stands up from the booth.

That catches Josh's attention.

His fingers run along his thighs until they're scratching, subtly, harshly. "I'm gonna go to the car with them." He decides.

"Alright." Josh squeezes his hand for moment. Brendon gives him a careful smile, all-lip, before he pulls away and walks off, just like Tyler. He watches his feet the entire way out, only looking up once he's outside, and nimbly, he can breathe again. The air is cold but fresh, and needed, and empty. It's perfect.

Still, he only receives so much before he's getting into the car.

**Trigger warning over.**

Tyler's in the front, head against the dashboard, and doesn't even bother to look up when they hear him come in.

Brendon doesn't know what to do.

There's silence. Just silence. The only thing he can hear is their leg bouncing up and down in the front, and right as he is about to say something, they beat him to it.

"I'm sorry for having us leave so soon." They whisper.

Brendon shakes his head. "I don't mind, Ty." He leans forward in order to be able to look at them, and that's when they finally lift their head, meeting his eyes. "Can I ask why you couldn't use the--"

"They don't have gender neutral bathrooms." They state.

Oh.

Oh.

"Oh," he gets out. How did he not think about that? "I'm so stupid. I didn't even consider that." Brendon sighs to himself, frustrated that he has such a hard time putting two-and-two together.

Tyler dismisses it. "That's why Josh asked me before we left. He always does because I forget, which sounds. . . Unreasonable considering that this is my body and you would think by now I would get used to having to use the bathroom at home before we leave, but." They shrug. "I've never been good at holding it, either. I guess I should start getting better at that."

Brendon furrows his eyebrows. "You shouldn't have to get better at that, what the hell?"

"There's not much that can be done, Brendon." They comment. "The majority of places don't have a gender neutral bathroom."

Brendon huffs, leaning back into his seat with his arms crossed. "Well, they should."

Tyler blinks. "Don't I know it."

Brendon slowly examines the entirety of the situation. How their leg is now crossed over the other but continues to bounce, and how their fingers are gripping the seat. It makes him frustrated in another way. Frustrated that Tyler seriously has to be this uncomfortable because there isn't more accessibility for them.

He's livid, to say the least.

"I'm sorry, Ty."

They suck on their bottom lip, turning around. "It's whatever." They whisper. "I don't like thinking about it."

With that being said, Brendon doesn't push for more. The two of them sit in utter silence once again and it feels like ages before Josh is finally getting into the car. He hands Brendon the to-go boxes and starts the engine once they all get their seatbelts on.

"How much was the bill?" Tyler asks softly after they're out of the parking lot.

Josh shrugs. "Reasonable."

Their conversation ends there, but naturally, their hands meet in the middle. Josh caresses his partner's skin, reassuring them without words, because it's clear to everyone they're upset that they had end things so abruptly.

Brendon doesn't mind at all though, and he won't mind. He's still just aggravated with why it came down to this.

But, he has to dismiss it. There's nothing he can do, which is disheartening, yet he knows Tyler has much more reason to be unhappy about it opposed to him.

It's, once again, another situation that makes him sympathetic.

***

Brendon can't even begin to explain how much relief he feels as soon as he steps through the front door. And, Tyler is probably thinking the same thing, because in seconds, they're rushing into the bathroom before anything could possibly happen.

Despite feeling more at ease, the shakiness and anxiety doesn't dissipate. Before being able to consider it too much either, he moves over to the couch to grab the wax pen from his bag once Josh comes back into the room after storing the leftovers away. He's nervous to bring it up, nervous to expose how detrimental it seems to be for him, but he does remember very clearly how Josh and Tyler both stated that they don't mind.

He'll be okay.

So when Brendon catches Jim whimpering in his kennel, he uses it as an excuse.

"If you want, I'll take Jim out so he can get some fresh air. I'll be out there for a little while anyways, so. . ." He's awkward. Always awkward.

Josh furrows his eyebrows. "Why are you gonna be out there?"

Brendon slowly lifts the wax pen.

Josh catches it, nodding easily. "Yeah, okay." He says, reassuring Brendon that they truly don't mind. "We'll be in the bedroom."

Brendon nods as well. He turns around after that and let's Jim out of the kennel, following him as he runs to the backdoor. They go outside together, the cold air hitting him unkindly, making goosebumps rise on his arms. He decides to ignore it though, far too focused on calming himself down more than anything else, so that's when he takes the first hit of smoke.

And, it's long.

And, he coughs.

It's better than anything else still.

He watches Jim run into the yard and immediately find a place to do his business. It's quiet. Serene. He remembers how only so long ago him, Josh, and Tyler were out here cooking s'mores, and when they smiled for the first time in front of him. He was so excited. He felt so safe, and trusted, and that feeling has already grown tremendously since then.

Brendon takes another hit, moving to the hammock instead. He stares up at all the stars before closing his eyes and leaving to his happy place.

It's simply one drag after another; he loses track. Jim eventually comes to sit beside him as time passes, allowing Brendon to thread his fingers through his fur absentmindedly. It's soft, so, so soft, and he smiles at the thought.

He supposes he loses track of how long he's out too, because despite the goosebumps and shivers telling him to come inside, Josh is the one who reminds him. Brendon's nearly asleep on the hammock by this time, but once Josh runs his hand over his cheek, he opens his eyes and smiles softly at him.

"Hi," he whispers.

Josh chuckles. "Hi."

Brendon slowly holds onto his hand, blinking in slow motion, his skin feeling good against another's. "What are you doin' out here?" He wonders.

"Reminding my man to come inside because I'm pretty sure he's gonna get frostbite soon." Josh jokes, and before Brendon can go along with it, he chuckles another time as he grabs ahold of his hand. "C'mon, you big stoner. Time to get up." He helps Brendon get out of the hammock-- which, really, is a lot more difficult than it should probably be-- and the two of them make their way inside, Jim following right behind.

"I needa get into my pajamas," Brendon comments.

"Well you do that and meet us in the room, yeah?"

Brendon nods. "Yeah."

He gathers his pajamas from out of his bag and packs his wax pen back inside after Josh walks upstairs, and eventually, he's in the bathroom, changing, taking his time, but he always does when he's stoned. He can't even bother to look at himself in the mirror and pick at each insecurity because he has much better things to do, and they're right upstairs. That becomes more of a motivator than anything else.

He's tossing his clothes onto the couch with plans to pack them away tomorrow once he's done. Afterwards, he's heading upstairs. As soon as he walks into the room too, Tyler and Josh separate on the bed so he has a place to lay in the middle.

He climbs onto the sheets happily.

"Feel better?" Tyler whispers once he gets comfortable, threading their fingers through his hair.

Brendon nods. "Are you feeling better?"

They hum in response, eyes hooded, lazy. "A lot better." They murmur.

Silence overtakes the room for a while, but it seems needed. The night has been chaotic, and loud, and overwhelming, so just being able to relax with Josh's arm around his waist and Tyler's hand in his hair, it's exactly what he needs. And it feels good. So good. Whether he's completely out of it or it's true, he can't quite tell, but also, he doesn't care enough. If the cannabis is making it better than it actually is, he knows what to thank.

"Bren," Tyler suddenly mumbles after a moment.

He opens his eyes back up, meeting theirs with a low hum.

Tyler's too beautiful to comprehend most of the time. All they have to do is look that at him with that certainty and he's swooning.

"You did so well tonight." They tell him. "I know you were scared and it definitely wasn't easy, but both of us are very proud and happy that you did it. Not only did you do it, you also ordered for yourself. And maybe you didn't see that as a big deal, but to us, it was. We appreciate you pushing out of your comfort zone."

Brendon blinks, and blinks, and blinks. He doesn't know how to respond.

Tyler seems to notice. "You don't have to say anything. It's okay. I just wanted to tell you."

Brendon nods, hand moving to hold the back of their neck. "Tell me when I'm not this high because I'll probably have something to say about it then."

Tyler laughs, and he catches Josh laughing too. "I can do that."

Brendon nods another time, thinking, smiling, happy. "You know what you can do right now that would make this all feel worth it?" He starts, smile turning into a careful smirk.

Tyler hums.

"I need a reward." Brendon states.

Tyler sucks on their bottom lip, eyes scanning his features. "A reward, hmm?"

"Yeah," he gets out. "Like a kiss or something. From both of you. You know, because I did push past all my anxiety to go on that date with you. I think I'm deserving of it."

"You're definitely deserving of it." Tyler informs, brushing a strand of his hair away from his forehead. "But a kiss from us is boring. We can kiss you any time we want."

Brendon can feel his breathing labor slightly from this. It's not that he's nervous this time, no, it's that he's intrigued. His interest has been piqued and now he wants more as long as it's not overbearing. "Okay." He whispers.

Tyler stares at him, a look so tempting in their eyes. "Would you freak out this time because of another hickey?"

Brendon doesn't have to think about it. "No."

"From both of us?" They continue.

"I'm ready this time." He assures.

They hum, looking at Josh, nodding to him, and it's like he knows what they mean somehow. And maybe he does, because easily, Josh is scooting up closer to his neck and pressing a soft kiss on it, sending a single shiver down Brendon's spine.

"Tell us to stop if you need to." They whisper in his ear, and just like that, they're moving down to his neck, lips delicate against the skin.

Brendon can't even recall when it starts, but in seconds, he catches Tyler's tongue prodding against him, and then Josh's. It's so overwhelming but so good; it's unlike anything he's ever experienced and it's better than anything he's ever experienced, really. His whole body is tingling, and once again, whether that's the CBD or them, he can't tell, but either way, he's on Cloud 9. His fingers fall into Josh's hair and tug at it softly as his chest heaves, and what takes him off guard is the meek noises that fall from Josh when he does it.

A quick realization hits him about what Tyler meant when they said all that time ago that Josh 'liked his hair being messed with.'

Brendon swallows thickly at the thought but doesn't pull his hand away. If anything, he catches himself tugging harder.

Josh loses a lot of his force because of this. He was confident when first beginning but now he's growing softer, and pliant, and more obsequious.

Brendon is overwhelmed with possibilities.

His breath hitches when Tyler touches his thigh, an unnerving sensation coarsing through him as soon as it happens. He wants to concentrate on their lips, how well they're doing, how natural this is for them, but his Adam's apple feels stuck from their soft touches below the neck.

Trembling, his free hand moves to hold theirs, not sure he'll be able to last much longer like this if they continue. The sensations are too good; he doesn't want to embarrass himself.

Finally though, Tyler pulls their head away from his neck, looking down at him once they're propped up by their hand. Their lips are swollen, wet, staring back at him and all he feels capable of doing is meeting their eyes with a slight furrowed brow, trying to make himself seem visibly desperate because he is.

Tyler chuckles. "Now you want a kiss?"

Josh nips at his skin softly; it feels too good. Fuck. Fuck.

Brendon nods frantically. Pleading without words.

Tyler smiles in a way he's foreign to, but they do indeed lean forward and kiss his lips. It's tender, slow, sensual-- fuck. It's not until their tongue meets his and their finger runs along his thigh where an alarm really sets off in his brain, not because he doesn't want it, but because if they continue, his body is going to make a decision for him that he knows for a fact he can't deal with right now.

"Ty," he whispers against them. "That's it for tonight."

They pull away immediately. "Are you okay? Was it too much again--"

He shakes his head. "No. I'm okay." He gets out, face flushed, chest heavy, eyes hooded, lips slick.

Josh also pulls away once he notices, and his features are the exact same, except his hair is a little more of a mess than Brendon's. Josh meets his eyes and flushes worse than before, slowly patting down his hair.

"What's wrong then?" Tyler wonders.

Brendon grows warmer. "Nothing." He gets out.

Slowly, he pulls their hand away from his thigh when he catches them still caressing the skin there, and maybe that was a mistake, because Tyler understands what he's implying just by that.

"You're turned on." They state, a small smirk on their face.

Brendon blinks. "Let's go to bed. I'm high and tired."

Tyler chuckles, thumb running over the place at his neck where they just marked. "It's okay." They assure, then glance over to their husband. "Look at Josh. You have him super flustered right now and all you had to do was pull his hair to turn him on."

"Don't out me like that," Josh says.

They smile together, softly. "As if he couldn't tell."

Brendon doesn't know what to think but isn't nearly as overwhelmed with this conversation as he probably would be sober. No. Not nearly as overwhelmed, so maybe that's why he looks up at Tyler and asks, "What do you like?"

They seem content. "You will just have to find that out."

Brendon swallows thickly. "I liked my reward." He comments.

Tyler hums. "I guess we should give you another one soon."

"Then I guess I'll be good."

Tyler smiles in such a sly manner and he hates that it only makes him crave anything and everything they have to offer so much more.

"I think we should get to bed, now." They murmur after a moment.

Brendon nods and Josh does too, so with that being said, one of them is turning the lights off and the other is curling right into Tyler's chest because he has never felt so welcomed and easy-going after an event like this, yet Tyler has somehow made him feel especially safe but tempted through all of it.

When it's only the three of them, Josh wrapped around Brendon and Brendon wrapped around Tyler, he sighs to himself pleasantly as Tyler kisses his forehead.

"For the record, you have been so good today." They whisper. "In every way possible."

Brendon takes that information and runs with it.

Maybe he's just high, but he's getting more comfortable exploring these types of instances with them, and to Brendon, that is definitely an achievement. Especially with how much he seems to lack.