The rest of Brendon's time at work goes by so unbelievably slow. He sits with one leg bouncing and one hand running through the hair at the nape of his neck; knowing just on the other side of him is the person who he has to expose such a sensitive part of himself to in only a couple hours is terrifying.

He can barely concentrate the rest of the day, too, which is probably the worst part. Everything on his screen is like a blur. Everything his hands do causes them to shake. Everything his brain tries to process is nothing but a mess.

He's a mess.

He's not sure why he is more nervous to tell Luke about his relationship status opposed to Ryan and Ryland, but god, he is. Maybe it has to do with the fact that the two of them were calm and collected when they asked what was happening, unlike him. Maybe they're more trustworthy.

He has no idea. Yet, it doesn't matter. Luke will know soon enough.

Still though, it isn't exactly reassuring. Brendon is nervous, anxious, scared, worried-- all of it. He wants to crawl back in bed again with Tyler and Josh, feel Tyler's nimble fingers in his hair, hum when Josh's nose ring tickles his skin.

Whether it's embarrassing to admit, he misses them already, even if it has only been a few hours since seeing them last.

They're his solace, to say the least.

As things shift, where the clouds come through and all three of them are simply left to mourn, there's somehow still comfort. Although Tyler doesn't pull him into their lap at a time like that, and Josh doesn't focus on him as much as he might of, it doesn't lose any of the thought. He knows they both care just as much as before, even if things have shifted for the time being.

Brendon needs to get used to the shift; the shift is one of the biggest parts of their relationship.

It's taking him a while to learn, but he's getting there.

The next time Brendon glances at the clock, his eyes widen to see he should have started heading out five minutes ago. Immediately though, he starts to close everything off and get ready to do just that. Not home, not where he's safe, but Roscoe's.

Which, in theory, should be safe as well. Especially after what Tyler said about the place being very loving and accepting, it is nice, but not when he's going there to confess, to make amends-- hopefully amends.

He wants Tyler right now. He wants Josh right now.

He isn't going to get them, either.

He has shit to do, and depending on them to feel capable isn't going to get him anywhere.

The most funny part about all of it though is that no matter how much he thinks about it, he has a hard time actually following through. He doesn't want to fall onto them for everything, yet somehow, he can't help it. It's almost like he needs them, which could be worrisome-- which is worrisome, really-- but he's working on getting better with that. It's another reason why he has always been so hesitant being in a relationship; he gets too attached easily.

If it were up to him, he wouldn't have left their house this morning. He would have stayed to hold Tyler more if they wanted him to, kiss Josh if his hair fell into his face one more time.

But no, no, no. He has things to do.

He stands up from his seat and fixes his tie when it feels too tight.

It's time to leave, but not time to breathe. If anything, his throat closes up at the thought of where he is heading. His knees wobble and his chest aches as he peers over everyone in the office.

Slowly though, he begins to walk towards the elevator once he is sure he's ready to leave. In only a few steps too, he's at Luke's cubicle. And at Luke's cubicle, he is stood, ready to leave as well.

Brendon Adam's apple bobs as he looks at him. "Meet you there. . .?"

Luke blinks. "Yeah."

Brendon nods, hearing the thumps in his chest proceeding to get louder. "Okay." He breathes, in, out. "Okay. See you there."

Niether of them say anything else; Brendon rushes to the elevator and closes the doors before anyone-- especially Luke-- can get in with him. He needs to calm down, think about his next move. Maybe he'll buy Luke coffee or something while they're there?

It sounds like a good enough idea.

In a matter of seconds, the bell above the doors ring and he's moving out. Quickly. Nervously. He speed-walks to his car, and he can't help but think he might need to get it washed soon. It's dirty. There's even bird poop on the windshield, which is. . . Gross.

He decides that's not important right now.

Brendon unlocks his car and slips into the driver's seat, resting his hands on the wheel after starting the engine. His chest feels restricted, and somehow, his mind does too. He can't think straight even if he tried, which is making the situation worse. All he knows is that he needs to get to Roscoe's and not fuck up.

So, after one last heavy exhale, he begins pulling out of the parking lot.

***

As always, Roscoe's isn't very crowded. Brendon walks in with hesitation but is quickly relieved once he sees that there is only so many people inside. Quiet music plays throughout the entire place, sunlight comes into the room.

It's nice, reassuring, and it gives him hope that everything is going to be okay.

He decides to find a place to sit before anything else. He considers getting coffee, but he chooses to wait until Luke gets here to see if he wants anything. And, Brendon is only sitting there for so long before he does come in. It isn't surprising when he thinks about it, they were leaving at the same time, yet he almost wished it would have taken him longer so he could think over what he has to say.

Well, not that he actually knows what's going to come out of his mouth once it gets down to it. Brendon's mind goes blank when he's nervous.

Still.

Luke spots him after a moment, and slowly, he's scooting into the booth space in front of him.

Silence falls between them instantly. The sunlight warms their skin, not their hearts. It's so cold past that, freezing. Brendon feels as though there is a stranger across from him. He forgot who this person is, how they even became close in the first place.

They stare at one another.

Brendon fiddles with his fingers. "Um. . . Do you want coffee or anything? I'll-I'll pay." He only wants peace.

This is too tense.

Luke shakes his head. "No." He says.

Brendon gulps, nodding along. "Okay, well--"

"We came here to talk, not stall, Brendon." Luke then cuts in, obviously not feeling very patient when it comes to him. And, he understands. With the impression he's under, it makes sense for him to be so bothered by this.

Brendon nods again. His eyes focus on his lap instead. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Luke stays quiet.

It's times like these where Brendon wishes Tyler and Josh were here to guide him through this. Hold his hand. Whisper in his ear. Give their comfort in such a time of need. But, they can't. He needs to do this on his own, just like he did with Carina, just like he did with Ryan and Ryland.

He knows he can do it, so why now is it so difficult?

"Well. . . Are you going to explain? That's what we're here for." Luke pipes up.

Brendon blinks a few times. One. One, two. One, two, three. Processing. "I don't know where to start. There's. . . I. . ." He sighs, looking back up at Luke. "I want you to know I'm not lying. I'm not. There's no fucking point in me lying because nothing is worse than what everyone thinks I've done."

Luke's eyebrows furrow in just the slightest; he nods.

Brendon continues. "I want to tell you that it's not true." God, it's not true. It never will be. He wouldn't ever do something that horrible.

"What's not true?" Luke wonders.

Brendon glances to the left, glances to the right. "I'm-I'm not cheating on Josh."

Luke sits back, face losing its concern. Like he doesn't believe him. No, he really doesn't believe him. "You just said you weren't going to lie to me. Brendon, you can't be serious. You can't expect me to believe you when I literally saw you and that guy so touchy with each other." His lips purse, Brendon's heart crumbles. For many reasons. "I know that's not how friends look at each other. I know that's not how friends touch each other. I don't. . . I don't want to be an asshole, but that pisses me off. And it should."

Brendon shakes his head. He shakes it and shakes it until the message is clear. "No, Luke. No."

Luke's features aren't very pleasant. He looks upset from that.

Before he can say anything, Brendon keeps talking. "I'm sure you don't want to hear a single thing of what I have to say, but I need you to listen. Please." Brendon runs a hand nervously through his hair. "I would have told you this sooner-- god, so much sooner, but I. . . I was scared. I still am scared. I can't handle this anymore though, and I'd rather have you hate me for what's actually happening instead of something that isn't true."

Luke nearly frowns. He doesn't.

"Okay. Tell me." He says.

Brendon breathes out. He has nothing to hide now. Not his feelings, not his personality, not himself.

"That person you saw me with is Josh's spouse." He states.

And immediately, there's silence.

Confusion.

Anxiety.

Thoughts.

Opinions.

"His. . . Spouse." Luke murmurs.

Carefully, Brendon nods. "Yeah." He whispers. "I'm not cheating. Josh knows. Josh wants it, too."

Luke's brows pull together roughly, biting his lip for a moment. His eyes shift one way, then the other, trying to process exactly what that means. "So like. . . An open relationship?"

"No." He answers. "We're all together. Just us. The three of us."

Luke blinks. "That's. . ." He doesn't finish.

Silence is thick once again.

Brendon sighs afterwards, pulling at the skin on his knuckles. "The person's name is Tyler, if you were wondering. They like writing and cooking. An-and, uh, they have a rough demeanor but really they're just. . . Sweet."

Luke only looks more confused. "You keep saying they," he mutters.

Brendon stays quiet.

"Is Tyler non-binary?"

Brendon's eyebrows furrow together. "Yeah. They are." His Adam's apple bobs. "How do you know what that is?"

Maybe it sounds arrogant-- of course anyone could know what being non-binary is, but also Tyler has said countless times that people have never heard of it, don't understand, don't take the time to understand.

Luke's façade shrinks quickly. Nervous.

Brendon only waits; he has learned to be patient with these things.

"I used to identify as non-binary before I came out as trans." Luke finally says.

It nearly goes in one ear and right out the other. Brendon nods along easily though. "Oh, that's. . ." Instantly, once dwelling on it further, his eyes widen. The breath is knocked out of him. His soul tries to crawl into another. "Wait." He shakes his head. "Wait."

Luke's eyes are like Tyler's. Glass.

Brendon is at a loss of words. "You're. . . You're transgender?"

Luke nods. "Yeah. I am."

Oh, shit.

"I didn't know. Wow, I. . . Wow. Okay." Brendon bites his cheek. Maybe they both have things to confess to one another.

Luke glances to him anxiously. "Now I feel like shit." He whispers.

Brendon shakes his head. "Why?"

Luke sighs, fingers gripping at his hair. "I've been misgendering them, haven't I? Calling them a guy." He frowns. His rough exterior is becoming soft in a matter of seconds. Slowly but surely, becoming the Luke Brendon knows. "I'm sorry. I know how horrible that feels."

"Yeah, but, uh, you know now." Brendon shakes his head quickly afterwards, not quite as caught up with this anymore. "Sorry-- wait, can we talk about. . . That, for a second. If it's too much to ask for, sorry, I'm just a little. . . I don't even know. Sorry."

Luke shrugs. "Okay. Well, what about it?"

"You're transgender." Brendon states. Why is this so shocking to him?

"Yeah. I am."

Brendon bites his lip. "Uh, when did you. . ." Maybe he's only curious. It's not out of confusion, just curiousity.

Luke inhales, exhales. "I came out when I was sixteen." He says. "Socially transitioned then. I didn't start testosterone until I was eighteen. I got top surgery when I was twenty. I've been on T for over six years now."

Brendon takes in all the information, and that's when the confusion hits. "Socially transitioned?"

Luke nods. "Yeah." He fiddles with the end of his tie, fingers running against the fabric. "Like, I told people my name was Lukas, made it clear I'm a guy." Right after he says it, his eyebrows furrow. "I mean, Tyler has socially transitioned. They go by they/them pronouns and make it clear they don't conform to either gender, right? That's what makes them trans."

Brendon is at a loss. "Tyler's not. . . They said they don't label themself as transgender."

Luke purses his lips together. "Well, if they socially transitioned, which, it sounds like they have, then they're trans. Maybe they won't transition medically or anything, but they're still transgender."

Brendon gulps. "Oh," is all he gets out.

Who's the arrogant one in this situation?

Maybe neither of them.

He has absolutely no idea.

Luke blinks a few times, sucking on his bottom lip momentarily. "So uh, tell me more about them. About the whole thing. I'm still confused."

Brendon's mind is everywhere. He can't wrap his head around a single thing right now, yet still he's trying to explain. All he wants is for Luke to understand, feel comfortable around him, be friends with him again. Is it too much to ask for? He hopes not.

He clears his throat. "Well, I was. . . I was lying to you. I wasn't just seeing Josh, I was seeing him and Tyler. I didn't want to tell you-- I didn't want to tell anyone, really. I'm scared of what people will have to say because it's obviously not a very common thing, but slowly. . . I've been telling people." Brendon picks at the skin around his fingers. "I wanted to tell you when you saw us together. When you. . . When you got upset with me in the breakroom. But I couldn't. I wanted to but I couldn't."

Luke frowns, keeping quiet.

"I left early. I had Tyler pick me up." His voice then wavers. "It was the worst panic attack I've had this year so far." If Tyler wasn't there to comfort him that day, it would have been a lot worse. It was already terrible. It's a scary thought to think about.

"I'm sorry, Brendon. It's my fault." Luke murmurs. "I shouldn't have made a scene. I shouldn't have assumed you were cheating."

Brendon shrugs. "You didn't know."

"It doesn't matter. I-- we're friends. I should've thought about it more. It was stupid and selfish of me."

"Selfish?" Brendon wonders.

Luke shakes his head. "I just, um. . . Have had bad experiences with cheating. . . I-I guess that was the only conclusion I could come up with, that's why I was so upset, so bitter."

Brendon's throat tightens. "I understand. Don't blame yourself." Neither of them are to blame. "Like I said, it's not that common. I get why you thought that, I do, I just hate how you brought it up. Everyone. . . Everyone thinks I'm disgusting, and it makes me feel disgusting even though I know I didn't do anything wrong." He slowly wraps his arms around himself. "Everyone thinks I did it though. Everyone looks at me like I'm a horrible person. It makes me feel like I really am. I don't know anymore-- maybe I really am."

"You're not. At all." Luke gulps. "I guess we both have things we could have done differently. Really, really differently. And I'm so sorry, I wasn't-- I didn't think any of this would happen."

Brendon nods along. "It's fine. I don't think I'm very likable anyways, it was bound to happen." He shrugs, now biting at the skin around his nail instead of picking at it.

Luke's brows pull together for what seems like the hundredth time that day. "You're very likable." He leans back a little. "You're way too hard on yourself."

Brendon bites down harder. "Tyler and Josh never stop reminding me."

Luke hums. "Maybe you should listen to them, then. I'd say so."

It's hard.

"May--" Brendon stops momentarily, pulling his hand away from his mouth. His phone is vibrating. "Uh, one second." He knows who it is, who it can be, not even Tyler either. When he looks at the screen after pulling it out of his pocket and sees that it's Josh, it's no surprise.

He answers, taking a shaky breath.

Luke only watches.

"Hey, what's up?" He asks, eyes meeting anywhere other than the person in front of him.

"Hey, baby. Is everything okay? You haven't texted Tyler or I and you're off work now, right? Just wanted to check to see if lunch went well." There's a pause, and it makes Brendon's heart beat loudly thinking about him calling to see how everything is doing. "Are you okay?"

Brendon gives a small smile. "I'm okay." He looks up at Luke, only for a moment. "I, uh, we didn't end up talking at lunch--"

"What? Why?"

Brendon bites his lip. Josh can't see, but the guilt is still there. "Luke and I are talking right now, actually."

"Oh, oh shit." Josh mutters. "Sorry. I'll leave you to it. But, call me afterwards, yeah?"

Brendon nods. "Yeah, of course."

"I'll talk to you then. Bye, Bren." Josh says.

"Wait," Brendon gets out. Luke still watches, still has his eyebrows pulled together. "How. . . How is Tyler doing?"

There's a pause.

"They're alright. Not much has changed since you last saw them, but it'll get better soon." Josh utters. "They've been working all day. They made lunch too, so that's a good sign. But also they cook when they try to get their mind off things-- it's therapeutic for them. I don't know." Josh clears his throat. "It'll be okay. It just takes time. It always does."

Brendon nods again. "Okay. Okay." He breathes out. "Uh, give them a hug for me."

Josh chuckles. "Of course."

Brendon exhales, now biting his cheek. "Thank you."

"They appreciate you a lot, especially after this. Both of us." Josh states. "I don't want to get in the way of you and Luke though, you need to talk. I'll talk to you soon, babe."

"Okay," Brendon misses him. "Bye. I'll call you afterwards."

Maybe he would have called him something sweet in return if Luke wasn't listening.

"Bye, Bren." Josh whispers. "I miss you already."

Brendon smiles. He can't hold back. "I miss you most."

Josh chuckles again. "Impossible." He murmurs. "But I guess you win this time." He hums quietly to himself. "Bye now, I'll be right here."

Brendon bites the grin off of his face. "Bye."

He pulls his phone away and ends the call, slipping it back into his pocket. Surprisingly, he doesn't bring his hand back to gnaw at the skin around his nails again; he's less anxious now. Talking to Josh usually helps with that. Just hearing his voice, his laugh, his hums. It's all so nice.

"I think I get it now." Luke says.

Brendon tilts his head. "Hmm?"

Luke runs his finger over a crack in the table, eyelashes fluttering. "I get it. Like, in terms of your relationship, I guess." He huffs, looking back up at Brendon. "It's like any other relationship, right? There's just three people instead of two. There's consent on all sides so it's not bad. Nothing about it is bad."

Why wouldn't there be consent on all sides?

"Yeah, it's kinda crazy that you're with a married couple, but as long as the three of you are happy, there's no problem." Luke gives a careful smile, only lips. "Thank for telling me. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't."

Brendon smiles back just the same. "Thank you for understanding."

These things are getting less and less scary as the days go by.

"Does this mean you're gonna eat lunch with me again. . . 'Cause it's been really lonely." Brendon murmurs.

Luke chuckles. "Yeah, of course."

Brendon nods. "Awesome."

He gets a hum in return. "Let's start now, yeah? Is that coffee offer still on the table?"

Brendon only smiles wider. He missed this. "Definitely."

***

After finishing their drinks, he and Luke part ways. Not just that, but just as Brendon is about to walk out, Luke brings him into a tight hug. He runs his hand up and down his back and whispers, "I'm glad we got to talk it through. I'm sorry." And when he pulls away, he smiles in a small manner. "I'll bring two Cup O' Noodles again tomorrow."

Brendon's heart is so loud. "Awesome."

He left with a grin he could not contain.

Now though, he's home. He checks his mailbox to pick up everything he has missed these last few days, Hayley not there this time. He looks left and right to make sure, and she really isn't. But, it's later in the evening, so he wouldn't expect her to.

He makes it upstairs and into his apartment afterwards, and as soon as he takes the first step in, it's just odd. He hasn't been here recently enough to really remember what his own home looks like. It's like he walked into an acquaintance's place. The entire apartment still has a faint smell of weed, and still is as lonely as ever, but something is different.

He closes the door behind him.

Brendon sighs, blinking a few times.

What does he do now?

He goes into his bedroom. It's quiet. Dark. His record player sits in the corner untouched. How long has it been since he laid a hand on it? It's collecting dust. He think its been over a month. Maybe two.

He should shower.

It's not until he has pulled out some clothes to sleep in and is unbuttoning his top where he stops completely. "Shit," he whispers, because this isn't his top. This isn't his tie. It's Josh's. And that's what reminds him of earlier when he said he would call him back after speaking with Luke.

He can't not follow through with that.

Brendon won't make that mistake twice.

Slowly, he's slipping his phone out of his pocket and clicks on Josh's contact, calling him. It only rings for so long before Josh is answering, but opposed of saying hello, asking how the entire conversation with Luke went, he says, "Facetime me. I miss your face."

Brendon chuckles, and right afterwards, he's video calling him instead.

Josh's face fills his screen; Brendon's heart warms immediately. His curly hair is all in his face, and maybe it should be trimmed soon, but he also loves it too much to see it go.

"Hi, baby." Josh murmurs.

Brendon chuckles, shaking his head. "Hi."

"It went well." He then states.

Brendon nods easily, reassuringly. He closes his eyes and basks in that, it went well. "It did."

"I told you it would. You guys needed to talk." Josh is in the computer room, it seems like he always is when Brendon isn't around. Though, Tyler is nowhere to be seen, which is a little strange since Josh said they have been working.

At the thought, Brendon asks, "Where's Tyler at?"

Josh shrugs. "Working with someone in the livingroom."

For some reason, that's not what Brendon expects. Tyler is very introverted and to think about them actively having someone over seems. . . Wrong. Brendon feels a little rude thinking about it like that, but he remembers even Tyler saying that they prefer to be alone.

It's probably just a business partner though, so it makes sense.

"Well, tell me more about how it all went!" Josh suddenly continues.

Brendon exhales heavily, nodding. Before anything else though he's laying his phone down on the bed and undressing to his boxers, far too uncomfortable in his work clothes. Well, he actually keeps Josh's top on as well, leaving it unbuttoned.

He gets into bed once he's done, smiling carefully at the screen.

"Getting undressed for me?" Josh jokes.

Brendon rolls his eyes, cheeks flushing in the slightest. "You wish." He whispers.

Josh shrugs. "I do."

It's no longer just his cheeks, Brendon's entire body goes hot. He brushes it off, thinking about it, brushing it off, thinking, thinking.

He brushes it off. "I told Luke about Tyler and he came out to me. . ."

Josh looks back at him. Brows pulled together, bottom lip pushed out. "Came out to you?"

Brendon's Adam's apple bobs. "I was talking about them and he noticed the pronouns I was using and asked if they were non-binary." He still can't completely wrap his brain around the whole thing. "He told me he used to identify as non-binary, then he told me he's transgender."

Josh eyes widen. "Holy shit."

Brendon nods. "Yeah. I still am. . . I don't know."

"Well, I mean, it's good he opened up, right? It means he feels comfortable around you." Josh says, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah. I know." Brendon mumbles.

He debates whether to tell Josh what Luke was saying about Tyler being transgender too, because it's still something he's confused about, but yet he decides against.

Maybe he'll talk to Tyler about it once they're in a better state of mind.

"But, uh, besides that we just. . . Talked. It was good. It took him a little bit to like, understand, but he got it enough." Brendon closes his eyes, inhaling, exhaling. Breathing. Living without the burden, the worry, the fear.

"I'm so glad, Bren." Josh murmurs. He slowly is closing up a few tabs on his computer and is turning it off, and once he's finished, he stands up from the chair. "One second," he then says. Brendon watches him lift the phone, making his way out of the computer room. Once again he sees him from an underside view, but he doesn't mind.

He's only walking so far before speaking up again.

Though, this time, it's not towards him. "It's getting late. Almost done?"

He's talking to Tyler.

Brendon misses them.

"He'll leave soon." Tyler replies. He can barely catch it with how quietly they say it. "I'll be up there."

Josh nods. "Okay."

Afterwards, he is making his way up the stairs. They still creak with every step, and it's still dark in the hallway as ever before. It's not until Josh is in the bedroom where he is quickly falling onto the bed with a muffled groan, lifting the back of his shirt to rub his back.

"Who's Tyler working with?" Brendon wonders. It hasn't left his mind.

Tyler said they avoid all social interaction at times like this. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand.

Josh shrugs. "A guy who went to college with them."

Brendon is still just as confused. "Why?"

Josh bites his lip, blinking. "He's making a short film and they're like the only person he knows who does scripts. They've been trying to get together for awhile but Ty was busy." He lays back in bed. "Its been weird." He then says.

Brendon tilts his head. "Why?" He asks again.

Josh chuckles, and right afterwards, shakes his head. He brings an arm behind his neck, staring at the ceiling. "Not sure you'd wanna know." He mutters, chuckling another time.

Brendon bites his cheek. "Tell me anyways." He says. "You usually do."

He usually does, which is strange that he didn't just blurt it out this time.

Josh looks to his phone screen. "We had sex in college." He states.

Oh.

That's why he wasn't going to tell him.

Brendon bites the inside of his cheek, his heart rate picking up. "Does Tyler know?" He asks worriedly. He can understand how it would be awkward seeing someone he has been with intimately once now in his home with his partner. Partner for life.

Josh looks amused almost. "The three of us had sex, Brend. Not just him and I."

It seems like Brendon's cheeks never lose their color around Josh. "Oh. . ."

Josh shrugs. "Yep."

"You're okay with having him around Tyler?" Brendon worries.

It's odd.

Josh has to think about it for a second. He twirls a curl in his hair around his finger and all Brendon wants to do is hold him and do it instead. "I trust Tyler. They aren't going to do anything with him and they're not going to let him do anything to them." He closes his eyes, humming softly, making Brendon continue want, want, wanting. "Besides, they know how to contain themself enough. Especially now that we're with you, nothing's gonna happen."

Brendon's chest feels heavy. "I. . . I've never thought about that."

"About what?"

Brendon exhales. "Uh, just, how it's common for you and them to be with someone else." No, he knew that. "Now we're seeing each other and you're not? Is that weird for you? I'm sorry if that's something I shouldn't ask. . ." He then whispers.

He's awkward.

Josh shrugs once again. "It's these kind of things we just have to deal with for our relationship to work. We both really like you, really want to be with you, so if that means to change our usual sex life, well, tough shit. To be with you, it's worth it." Brendon's heart skips a beat and then swells. "We haven't had sex with anyone else since we met you at Roscoe's." He adds.

Brendon's throat is tight. He knows why, but he also doesn't.

He needs to not be afraid of these kind of things. It's difficult.

"Is it hard?" He murmurs. Paranoid.

Easily though, Josh shakes his head. "Tyler and I don't need anyone else to fulfill us, we just want someone else."

Brendon nods. "Okay."

"I think it's harder for them." Josh then says.

Brendon frowns. "Why do you say that?"

Josh's tongue runs over his bottom lip, fingers still fiddling with his hair. "They like control. I don't know how to explain it. They like the thought of being able to dominate a situation even if it's new to them. Especially with other people."

Sounds like Tyler to Brendon.

He knows there's something more to it though, something he really doesn't want to think about even if their relationship is furthering. Maybe it's for later. Maybe it's for never.

"Um, when do you want your top back?" Brendon murmurs, shifting the topic. He doesn't want to think about it any longer than he has to.

Josh smiles slyly. "It looks better on you than it does on me." He says. "I'd tell you to keep it but if you gave it back that's an excuse to see you, so, you should bring it tomorrow. And spend the night. We both miss you a lot more than we can handle."

Brendon's heart makes that usual noise. Thump, thump. "Really?"

"Yes, it definitely looks better on you than me."

Brendon rolls his eyes, grinning a little while shaking his head. "Shut up, that's not what I meant."

Josh chuckles. Brendon wants to hold him. Be with him. Just touch him. "I know, but I wanted to say it again. You're so handsome."

No matter what little he's wearing, he still manages to become hot. "Josh," he whispers.

Josh bites his lip. There is something sweet and tender in his eyes, yet a little more lustful as well. It's a look he's only really seen from him when Tyler is around. The thing is, Tyler isn't around. It's just the two of them right now, and knowing that Brendon himself is making Josh look at him like that. . . His stomach does far too many twists and turns.

"Spend the night, handsome man. Please." Josh continues. He always does. "I miss you too much."

Brendon's lashes flutter, humming. "You've convinced me." He mutters.

Josh's smile is so wide, so beautiful. "Awesome."

"I would've said yes anyways." Brendon says.

Josh's smile never fades. "Want me to hold you? Want to hold me? I want to be held. And kiss you. Your lips are nice. You and Tyler both." He must be tired; all he's doing is rambling. Not in a bad way though, it's cute, he doesn't mind. "How did I get so lucky?"

Flushed cheeks, shaky hands. "Josh, you need to shut up."

"You need to get used to this. I'll never get over how grateful I am."

"Josh," It's the only thing on Brendon's mind.

Just as Josh opens his mouth to say something in return, he looks to the side when Tyler walks into the room. From the angle of the phone, Brendon can see them too. They come in with their laptop held close to their chest and monotonous features like he has seen from them many times.

They say nothing. It seems like they don't need to.

They place their laptop onto the bedside table and without another second to pass, they're falling onto the bed. Well, the bed, but mostly Josh. He's quick to pull them close and kiss their forehead, running a hand up and down their back.

"Did he leave?" He wonders.

Tyler nods.

"Did it go well?"

Tyler pulls their face away from his chest and instead turns to lay their cheek onto his pec, looking up at him. "We mostly were discussing his ideas. I gave as much input as I could, what I thought would benefit the storyline." They blink, sucking on their bottom lip. "He's an amateur at this."

Josh chuckles. "Or maybe you're just better than most people."

Tyler shrugs. "He's in production. He records, directs. I'm only here to help with the script because he has no clue what he's doing."

Josh hums, pressing his lips to the top of their head. "You're gonna do amazing."

"Maybe." Tyler murmurs.

"Not maybe. Definitely."

Tyler says nothing. They lace Josh's fingers with theirs and exhale heavily, kissing his chest a few times.

"Brendon's here," Josh comments.

Tyler peeks their head from hiding, looking at the phone. They blink a few times and give Brendon a chance to bask in their natural beauty. It's something he craves and misses, wants and needs.

"Hi, Brend." They whisper.

"Hi, Ty." He purses his lips into a smile.

"We miss you. You should come over again soon." Brendon doesn't know much, but it does seem like they're becoming a little more level-headed and not so in their head like he last saw them.

"He's spending the night tomorrow. I already brought it up." Josh adds in.

Tyler nods. "Good."

Brendon watches Josh snuggle his nose into Tyler's shoulder mindlessly, closing his eyes, breathing. Things are calming down.

There's some silence before Josh asks, "Are you gonna shower tonight?"

Tyler sighs. "I'm exhausted."

"I guess I'll deal with the smell for tonight." Josh jokes, and immediately, Tyler rolls their eyes with a small smile, shaking their head.

"You're the smelly one." They whisper.

Josh chuckles another time, pulling them as close as they can possibly be. "It's the smell of a man. You love it."

Tyler looks amused yet contained. "Yes, because your odor is so attractive, love."

Something about a petname coming from their mouth is lovely. It doesn't happen often, ever really, and even though it wasn't even directed towards Brendon, he still feels his heart flutter solely from the sound of it.

Josh likes it as well. It's obvious. He sniggers against them and hides his face into their back, squeezing their hand tighter. The two of them fall into their usual harmony which only makes Brendon's heart ache to be with them even more. Being apart is hard. So, so hard. He wants to be with them, lay with them, breathe with them, touch with them.

But he can't. No, not until tomorrow.

It's torture, really.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Josh murmurs into their shirt.

Tyler nods easily, eyes closing.

"Let's say goodnight to Brendon then, yeah?" Josh continues, which makes him want to frown when he hears it, but he keeps it to himself. He knows Tyler and Josh need to take time to themselves and relax right now. Well, Tyler does.

Tyler nods again, keeping their eyes closed. "I'll see you tomorrow, Brendon." They mutter.

Brendon swallow thickly. "I'll be there after work." He supposes he'll pack once the call is over so he has everything ready.

"I'll be waiting."

Josh chuckles, smiles. He looks over Tyler and to the screen. "Bye, Brend. I can't wait to kiss you again."

Brendon feels his heart skip a beat at that; he feels a smile creep onto his face, too. "Can't wait." He whispers. Maybe he actually can't wait. He knows having Josh so close-- having either of them so close-- is such a sense of comfort. Strangely.

Josh's smile is breathtaking. "Good." He says, pulling his phone closer. He puckers his lips and presses them to the camera. "I'll see you then, baby."

Brendon inhales, exhales. "I'll see you then."

Josh's dimples pull him in. Only for a moment, because in just seconds, he's ending the call. Brendon watches that big smile disappear from in front of him, he watches Tyler's being slip from his fingertips. It hurts to see, but he knows tomorrow he will get more than enough from both of them. He'll touch them again, feel them again.

God, he can't wait.

He lays there only for a moment before deciding to pack up a bag for tomorrow. He has yet to even empty out the one from this last weekend.

So, he starts. He throws everything into the laundry hamper considering it all has Jim's fur on it, and that's what reminds him of how badly he needs to go to the laundromat. He has dirty clothes piling up higher and higher, and his motivation to go out and clean them gets lower and lower.

For now, he packs a new bag. Forgets about his responsibilities.

It doesn't take him long. He only packs something to sleep in and what he will wear the next day for work, and right afterwards, he's getting things ready to take a shower.

That doesn't take him long either. It seems like the entire day as a whole is a blur as water falls down his back and he can hear his own voice echo back to him when a song won't leave his head. His whole life feels like a blur really, and for some reason that's the point where Brendon dwells on everything. He thinks about his life only a few months ago and how different it is now with Tyler and Josh. He thinks about how much happier he is now with Tyler and Josh.

He thinks about Tyler and Josh in general, it's no surprise.

The only thing that runs through his head is: how did I get so lucky?

Maybe he'll never know, and maybe that's okay. He considers that life actually does have plans for him, ones that won't cause a massive uproar when it comes to his anxiety or sadness, and that's definitely the best part.

He goes to bed with an upturn on his lips.

***

In the morning, it's like Brendon is in and out. He wakes up, brushes his teeth and hair, changes into his clothes, doesn't bother with breakfast. He can only think about getting through work to see Josh and Tyler. The highlight of his day. It's beginning to look like they always will be, now.

As he makes his way out of his apartment and down the stairs, he sees Hayley. She's standing on the curb, staring at her car, running a hand in an aggravated manner through her hair.

This doesn't seem good.

Jack is beside her, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack held on his shoulders and light up sneakers on his feet.

Brendon bites his lip, walking towards them.

Before he's able to say anything, Jack turns around and smiles widely up at him. "Hi! You're back!"

Brendon puffs out a breath, nodding. "So are you."

Jack lets go of Hayley's hand, which immediately grabs her attention. She looks to Brendon with pursed lips and hooded eyes. "Hey." She says. She's wearing what Brendon assumes is her work uniform.

"What's wrong with your car?"

Hayley sighs. "It's not starting. I've opened the hood to figure it out but honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing."

Brendon frowns. "I'd help. . . But I don't know either."

"Momma, maybe I can fix it." Jack suggests.

Hayley shakes her head, chuckling slightly. "No can-do mister."

Brendon stares at the car along with them. The cold air nips at his ears and the tip of his nose, but he brushes it off as well as he can.

Hayley and Jack are both bundled in sweaters and hats. Brendon on the other hand, he is not. The top he's wearing isn't keeping him warm at all, not the slacks either. Maybe he should start bringing sweaters and scarfs with him again, but he also knows that very soon it won't be as cold. Hopefully March will be alright.

"Have you tried calling," Brendon pauses. "What was his name again?"

Hayley glances to him. "Chad?"

Brendon nods. "Yeah. Have you tried calling him?"

Hayley crosses her arms over her chest. "I did. He's at work. They won't let him off." She shakes her head. "And I can't call Triple A or anything to have them fix it. I don't have the money for that."

Brendon gnaws on the skin of his lip before saying, "Where do you need to get to?"

Hayley exhales. "I need to get him to school and I need to go to work."

Brendon nods along, stomach twisting in thought. There's only one reasonable answer, really. And quite honestly it would be rude of him to leave and not help the both of them out no matter how much he would like to get work over with.

He holds the strap of his bag tighter. "Do you. . . Do you want me to give you a ride?"

Hayley's eyes widen. "Really?" She gets out. "Brendon, that would be awesome. Yes. Please."

He nods once again. "Okay. I just need you to direct me."

"Yeah, of course." She smiles. "Let me get out his car seat."

Brendon says nothing, he only waits for her. Jack stays at his side, never taking his eyes off of him, just staring. . . And staring. . . And staring. Finally though, he says, "You have two boyfriends. How's that?"

Brendon's eyebrows pull together instantly. Did Hayley really tell her son about his relationship status? Jesus Christ.

"One of them isn't a boy." Is all Brendon murmurs, and before Jack can question it further, Hayley comes back with the car seat in hand.

"Ready?" She asks.

"Yep." He utters, clearing his throat. It's a little offputting thinking about the fact that even Jack-- a child-- knows something so personal about him. Is that okay? It has to be okay. What harm could it do? As long as Hayley explained it correctly, it should be fine.

Yeah, it's fine.

Brendon unlocks his car once they reach it and lays his bag in the backseat, beside Jack.

It takes a little while, but once Hayley has him settled and buckled, she does the same herself, and it's weird. . . Having the car so. . . Full. He's used to it just being himself, and he has yet to even have Tyler or Josh with him while he drives.

"I'll put his school into the GPS." Hayley mutters, slipping her phone out of her pocket.

"Momma, I wanna watch YouTube!" Jack shouts in the back.

Hayley sighs. "Brendon needs directions to your school, bub. You can't."

Brendon's Adam's apple bobs. "No, it's fine. We'll just use my phone." He pulls it out and is immediately going to his GPS, handing it to Hayley once it loads. She looks at him oddly, and the only reason he could come up with is that they aren't extremely close and yet he's willing to let her use his phone. Though, it doesn't bother him. He genuinely has nothing to hide.

Hayley types in the address and as soon as it's entered, a voice is coming from the phone, directing Brendon. She lays it down on the center console and afterwards is reaching back to hand Jack her own phone after clicking on the YouTube app.

Brendon backs out of the parking space.

As Hayley sits back in her seat once Jack is content enough, she looks to Brendon. "Tyler and Josh, or your mom?"

His brows furrow. He keeps his eyes on the road, still. "What?"

Hayley shrugs. "You have a bag packed, I just assumed."

Brendon nearly forgot. It makes sense now. "Oh," he gets out, nodding once recollecting. "I'm staying at Josh and Tyler's."

Hayley hums. She readjusts her hat, looking out the window and watching as they slowly pass buildings and trees. It isn't raining. It hasn't for a week or so, which is good, nice, and Brendon remembers that soon enough it will be summer. He won't have to bundle in sweaters and pants anymore. Maybe he'll even get a tan.

Maybe.

"You really do hang out with them a lot." Hayley says.

Brendon bites his cheek, shrugging. "They invite me over a lot."

Hayley nods. "It gets lonely." She admits.

Brendon doesn't understand, but also somehow he does. "Without me around?"

Hayley nods again, still looking out of the window. Whatever Jack is watching is loud, almost covering up any other sound Brendon could catch, and Hayley doesn't bother to tell him to turn it down. "I'm just not used to living alone, I guess. I always would have someone there. Now I don't. I don't know."

"You have Jack, yeah?" Brendon murmurs.

Hayley exhales, inhales. "Every other weekend." She whispers. "Besides, it's not the same. I had my parents when I was younger, I had Chad afterwards, now I come home to nothing sometimes. . ."

Brendon knows exactly what that feels like, and that's what hurts the most. He almost forgot how that is because of how often he's around Josh and Tyler now, but god, the days he isn't are horrible. Knowing something so good and losing it temporarily is terrible.

He can sympathize with her, yeah.

"I'm sorry." Brendon says. "Uh, when I'm home, you can come over or something, you know. I don't have anything either when I'm not with Tyler and Josh."

It's true.

He has nothing without them.

It's scary.

Hayley smiles, looking to him. "Yeah." She mutters. "I'll keep that in mind."

Brendon nods, giving as much of a smile as he can despite how unsettled his stomach continues to become. "I know I'm not home a lot, but still. Maybe you can meet Tyler and Josh the next time they're over." If that time will ever come. They haven't talked about it, because they don't need to. There's no doubt in his mind that the three of them prefer to be at their house instead of Brendon's apartment where there's nothing to do.

Jeez, even Brendon doesn't like being at his apartment. He wouldn't expect them to.

Hayley's smile never fades. "Definitely. That would be fun."

Brendon nods. Again. He's always nodding. Reassuring himself. "Just, uh, Tyler might be a little weird." He murmurs.

Hayley furrows her eyebrows together. "Why?"

Brendon bites his lip. He can feel all the scar tissue, taste the blood, gnaw at the skin. He doesn't know what's too much to say and what's too little, because he doesn't want to make this awkward, but he's also willing to be honest with her.

He sighs. Shrugs. Blinks. "I don't know. I brought the cookies you made for me over there and now they're skeptical that you have a thing for me." He doesn't know if that feeling still lingers after what they said to him about 'being his own person' but he knows they at least did feel that way. "I think they might be over it. I don't know. They're kinda protective over me for some reason."

"Both of them?" Hayley asks, almost disregarding what he said.

"No, just Tyler mostly."

Hayley seems confused. "Why do you keep saying it like more than one person, then." She chuckles quietly.

Brendon is confused, too.

Then it hits him. "Did I not tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

Oddly, he's not so nervous to say it. "Tyler's non-binary."

Hayley practically stills, thinking, processing. "Oh, sorry. . . What's that?"

Still, he's not very bothered. He stays silent for a moment as the GPS directs him to take a left, and afterwards, he swallows the saliva piling up in his mouth. "They don't associate with either gender." He says. It's becoming casual. Weird. "They're not a guy, they're not a girl. They use they/them pronouns."

Hayley blinks.

Hayley sucks on her bottom lip.

She hums. "Alright," she gets out. "I've never really heard of--"

"How is Tyler not a boy or a girl?" Jack asks from the backseat.

Brendon can feel his heart pick up at that. This is something he didn't want to happen. He's still a kid. Young, impressionable, vocal. He doesn't want to give him the wrong idea of something, but also, doesn't he have enough of a grasp about this now to explain? Should he?

He glances to Hayley momentarily, and she looks back at him.

Brendon's eyes follow the road again, Adam's apple bobbing.

"Uh," his mind is going in every direction. "Being a boy or a girl makes them uncomfortable. Makes them feel gross. Sad." He tries to explain it best for Jack to understand. He really does try. "Because you know you're a boy, right? You feel like you're a boy?"

Jack nods easily.

Brendon nods too. He watches him in the rearview mirror. "Well, Tyler knows they're not. They don't feel like a boy or a girl. And that's okay."

Jack purses his lips together, blinking a few times. "I 'idn't know you can do that."

Brendon shrugs. "Me neither." He admits. "Tyler's taught me a lot of things."

Jack smiles. "I wanna meet Tyler."

Brendon can't help but smile as well. Yet, he shrugs, remembering quickly that they aren't very fond of kids. "Maybe."

The conversation dies down after that. It's fine. Hayley eventually does tell Jack to turn down the volume of the video he's watching, and afterwards, turns on the radio once she gets an okay from Brendon.

It doesn't take much longer until they reach the school either. Brendon pulls up to the front once they're there, waiting as Hayley unbuckles Jack and leads him to the gate. She kisses the top of his head, ruffles his hair, and begins walking away. Not until he turns around and waves at Brendon, though. A big smile and red-nipped cheeks.

Brendon smiles too, waving back.

Hayley's chuckling to herself when she gets in the car again.

Brendon waits until she has her seatbelts on to drive off.

"He really likes you," She says after a moment. It's a lot quieter without Jack in the car, which is relieving, but also a little stressful. Brendon can't keep a conversation for the life of him, even if he tries.

Yet. . . He still does try.

"He's a cool kid." Brendon mutters.

Hayley nods, of course. "The coolest kid."

The corner of his lips only lift momentarily. The happiness falters-- well, the expression at least. "You'll have to meet Tyler and Josh when Jack's with his dad." He suddenly tells her. Hayley looks over to him with furrowed brows, and before she can ask why, he continues. "Tyler doesn't like kids. It's probably for the best." He shrugs.

Yeah, maybe Tyler just meant a kid of their own, but he wouldn't be surprised if it was in general.

"That's alright." Hayley assures. "Turn right here."

Almost like a shift, Brendon is back into reality. He nearly forgot he has to take her to work, he nearly forgot he has to go to work.

What time is it anyways?

He looks at the clock in front of him, breathing out. He still has about fifteen minutes until he needs to be there. He'll be okay. Yeah. He'll be okay, he'll be okay.

After an almost uncomfortable amount of time with silence between them, Hayley speaks up again. She's fiddling her fingers together, looking at Brendon, looking away. "Thank you for explaining to Jack Tyler's situation. And me, kind of." She murmurs. "He's a really good kid. He'll try his hardest to understand. I'll try my hardest to understand."

Brendon nods easily. "It takes some time. Believe me." Recalling the period where he didn't even have the guts to talk to Tyler is so. . . Strange. He can't imagine not talking to them now. "You'll really have to meet them. Fuck." He whispers.

"Tyler or both of them?"

Brendon hums, almost smiles, doesn't. "Both of them."

"Maybe next week sometime, then. I won't have Jack." Hayley suggests.

Brendon nods. "I'll have to ask."

Hayley nods as well in agreement, and afterwards, they both go quiet, but it's an okay quiet. The radio hums in the background, and Hayley does direct him every now and then. It isn't long before they reach her work-- a Denny's-- and Brendon's stomach grumbles.

He didn't eat breakfast. He didn't feel like it.

He'll be fine.

Hayley unbuckles herself and carefully opens the door, getting out. She leans down to look at Brendon and gives a grin with only her lips. "Thank you so much for the ride. Really."

Brendon bites his lip. "Yeah, no problem." He grips the steering wheel tighter. "How'll you get home?"

"Chad'll pick us up. Don't worry. He's off by then."

Brendon swallows a subtle lump in his throat, blinking a few times, teeth digging deeper and deeper. "Okay."

Hayley smiles for real this time. "I'll see you when I see you." She decides.

Brendon's smile is real, too. "I'll see you when I see you."

Hayley nods, closing the door. He watches her make her way inside the building before driving off, leaving on the radio station she chose to listen to. It's alright. He enjoys it enough, yeah. And he supposes he enjoys her company too.

Making friends is weird.

***

Tension slips through his fingers during his lunch break. Luke sits down in front of him, slides the cup of noodles towards him, and smiles. He smiles, Brendon smiles, everyone else in the room stares at them in confusion.

It's fine, too.

Everything is fine.

After a while, people stop questioning it. He and Luke have made up, yes. They have made up, breathed, forgave, learned. It's beautiful. Brendon would even pick and choose which part, but he would say all of it is.

Still, being able to breathe is good as well.

So, so good.

***

Brendon texts Tyler as soon as he's off work. It's simple, excited, relieved. He sits in his car while he sends it, leg bouncing, finger tapping against his phone, toes curling in his dress shoes. He'll have to change when he gets to the house.

I'm on my way now.

The reply takes a moment, but he'll wait.

Okay. The door is open. Just walk in.

Brendon nods to himself and doesn't respond after that. He turns his keys in the ignition, rolling his shoulders even. His whole body is tense again, which he can only assume is from being at desk all day, and he considers asking Tyler for another massage.

Maybe.

***

Once Brendon is at Josh and Tyler's house, he's quick to park and get out of the car. Though, when he opens the backseat to get his bag out, his heart nearly drops when seeing Jack's car seat still there.

Fuck, is all he can think.

What is he supposed to do? Surely he will need it, right?

If Hayley left it in his car, maybe it's not as important as it seems. It must be that. Besides, a day or two wouldn't be terrible, and Chad must have one for him as well. Definitely. Definitely. That's the only thing Brendon considers to reassure himself.

He inhales, exhales, grabs his bag, locks the car.

Definitely. Definitely.

Brendon makes his way to the front door, and once he's there, he almost knocks, but he's quick to remember what Tyler said. So, he's-- hesitantly-- opening the door instead.

He walks in, slow. Not even Jim comes to greet him, which is a little strange, but the further he goes each step, the more he takes into account. Jim didn't come greet him because he's in his kennel. Tyler suggested he come inside on his own because they're busy working with someone. Not just any someone, but someone Brendon can only assume is that guy.

His throat is tight; he swallows thickly.

Tyler looks up from their laptop when they hear him come in. Brendon watches the way the corner of their lips twitch into a smile, yet, they glance back to the person beside them and stop completely.

The happiness is lost, and the shell they hide in often makes another appearance.

Brendon huffs, feeling stuck in place. The man he doesn't know the name of stares at him, seeming confused, lost. He looks to Tyler for reassurance, and they look to Brendon. "We'll be done soon. You can go into the bedroom if you want."

He will, no doubt.

"Where's Josh?" He wonders.

Tyler looks away. "Working. It'll just be you and I for a while."

Brendon nods. He doesn't say anything in return; he doesn't need to.

He makes his way over to the staircase, but before he goes up to the bedroom, he looks back at the two of them, just for a moment. Tyler's focused on their laptop again, the guy though, he's focused on Brendon.

Brendon blinks, he blinks.

He clears his throat afterwards, hands tightening around the strap of his bag, and that's when he finally walks up the stairs. They creak and creak, and soon enough, he's in the room. It doesn't take him long either to lock the door behind him and begin undressing to get out of his work clothes.

He sits on the bed once he has his shirt unbuttoned and off, slipping his shoes off as well. He instead puts on a simple shirt and-- after shamelessly eyeing the closet-- he gets up to grab one of Josh's hoodies from the rack, because yeah, maybe he feels okay to do that now. And he wants to. He wants to smell Josh on him, feel Josh, too.

After he gets on a different pair of pants (sweatpants, actually) he packs all his other clothes into his bag, sitting it aside.

He unlocks the door then, and quickly afterwards, he's laying face first into Tyler's pillow. It smells like them. Everything smells like Josh or Tyler now, and it's something he doesn't mind, no, not at all. His heart aches in the best way possible when it hits him. It's Axe, but somehow with them, it isn't the smell of a man like he might of thought when it came to Josh, it's the smell of Tyler.

Brendon is caving.

He hugs the pillow tighter, breathing it in. Breathing Tyler in.

As much as he just wants to be in their presence again, he'll be patient, for them. He can only assume Tyler is willing to wrap things up quickly because he's here; he knows they wouldn't want to keep him waiting.

And, he seems to be right.

In less than ten minutes, he can hear the door open. He has his eyes closed when it happens and he doesn't even bother opening them, but it seems like he doesn't need to. Tyler's slowly crawling up behind him. Brendon exhales out of relief.

Their touch is tender, careful, and he can't help but follow along when they pull his back close to their chest.

Brendon notices how they keep their bottom half farther away, yet he doesn't mention it, because he knows why. It would be stupid of him not to at this point.

"I missed you." Brendon whispers instead.

Tyler hums, kisses the back of his neck. "I'm glad you got here when you did. I didn't want him here any longer."

Brendon nearly frowns. "Why?"

A sigh.

A silence.

Brendon touches their fingers, and after a moment, slips them together. "You can tell me."

There's some more silence. Brendon can feel their breath hit his neck everytime they exhale, feel their lips against him, too. They use their free hand to run through his hair.

"He's too tall." They finally say.

Brendon opens his eyes to blink. "He's. . . Too tall? That's why?"

Tyler sighs again, shaking their head. "No, you don't. . ." They trail off, maybe realizing that yeah, just saying that isn't going to help Brendon understand. "He looks at me like. . . I don't know. I only know that I don't like it. He's too tall. Too distracted."

At that, Brendon turns around in their hold, eyebrows furrowed. "Are you okay? He isn't doing anything, is he?"

Tyler's Adam's apple bobs. "I'm just anxious." They suddenly admit.

Brendon nods in response. He holds their hand tighter. "I'm here."

Tyler's eyes slowly close, nodding as well. They stick their head into the crook of his neck and press their lips against his skin, nearly sucking, but he doesn't mind. It's nice and delicate, trying to calm themself down.

"I don't want him to look at me like that right now. . ." They whisper.

"Like what?"

Tyler shakes their head. "I feel gross." They murmur.

Brendon's heart is making that usual noise. The loud, deafening one. He brings them closer until he can feel the beat of their own heart against his, and he frowns a little to himself when realizing theirs is just as frantic. He kisses their temple, holds the back of their head.

"He wants to fuck me again." Tyler states. Quiet, vulnerable, nearly in a realization.

"He's too tall," Brendon repeats. He thinks about it longer. Processing that; he knows now that everything Tyler says shouldn't go unheard. They speak for a reason, a certain purpose, and that's when it hits him. "He's too big. You feel. . . You feel small around him?"

Maybe it doesn't make very much sense, but for some reason, for Brendon, for Tyler, it does.

They nod. "I hate it." They whisper.

Brendon kisses their head again. A few times. "You're in control."

Tyler's right hand pulls at a strand of his hair, making Brendon clench his jaw slightly. He considers that perhaps they're doing it to relieve their stress, because he remembers clearly that they were yanking at their hair before they shaved it off again. Now, they have no hair to do that with besides other's, and he wonders if they do this to Josh as well.

"I'm in control," Tyler says.

"Yes. Always."

Tyler nods. "Always." The exhale. "Yeah."

Brendon swallows thickly, unaccompanied hand moving to hold their cheek. They open their eyes when it registers.

Brendon searches in every shade of brown for something. He doesn't know what he's looking for in the first place, but still, he tries. And Tyler blinks, once, twice, licking their lips until they're completely coated with saliva.

"Are you okay?" He asks again after a moment.

Tyler pulls at another piece of his hair, a few times. They're practically kneading at it like dough, but Brendon is willing to let them do whatever they need to in order to ease their anxiety.

This is the first he has seen it so visibly from them.

"When he first reached out to me after all this time and made the proposition, I invited him over here so we can plan, and when I mentioned how it's Josh and I's house, he said he's surprised we've lasted this long. . ." They slowly roll onto their back, staring at the ceiling blankly.

Brendon's eyebrows pull together. "Why would he say that?"

Tyler shrugs. "I was a whore. Even I didn't think I would fall in love with someone. I didn't think I could be loved." They close their eyes again, running their thumb over Brendon's. "It's so weird to think about who I used to be. I'm different now."

Brendon rolls onto his stomach, laying his cheek on Tyler's chest. "How?" He wonders, timidly.

Tyler shakes their head, side to side, a mindless manner. Their fingers comb through his hair a little more calmly than before, taking out any little knots he may have had, playing with the ends of some strands.

"Josh used to tell me that he thought I was hypersexual. It was a problem."

Brendon eyes widen, and thankfully, Tyler can't see. "Hypersexual. . ."

Tyler nods. "It was the only thing I thought I could trust. The only thing I wanted. Felt like I wanted. Like I needed it-- which, god, I didn't." Tyler's chest rises with Brendon's head and falls with it as well. "It's the only thing I could think about."

Brendon gulps, hand becoming clammy in theirs. "Why do you think that is?"

"It's simple," Tyler says.

"Is it?"

They nod. "It's always about control with me." They state. And then, they huff. "I was also severely depressed. I think it had a lot to do with it."

Brendon's throat is tight. "That's. . . That's scary, Ty."

Tyler nods again. "I know. I finally overcame it, mostly. It wasn't easy. I still struggle a lot when it comes to realizing when it's appropriate to do that kind of stuff. I still struggle with knowing when I should be having sex and when I shouldn't." Tyler twists a strand of his hair around their finger. "I'm still learning."

Brendon hums despite the nerves. "Learning's okay. It's good."

Tyler's grip tightens around his hand. "I know. And you're helping me, too."

Brendon's brows furrow. "I am?"

"Yeah," they mutter easily. "You're teaching me to be. . ." They open their eyes again, looking down at him. Brendon turns his head around to look back. "Patient." They decide.

Brendon's body becomes hot in an instant at those words, because he knows exactly what they mean, and it's something he has been avoiding at all cost. At least the mention of it. It's too intimadating, vulnerable.

"Do you wanna kiss?" He asks sheepishly.

Tyler shakes their head. "No."

Brendon frowns slightly. "Why not?"

"I'm worked up right now. It wouldn't be good." They explain.

Brendon nods; he understands.

Slowly, Tyler slips one of their hands out of his hair and the other out of his hand. Then, they're getting off the bed. They're wearing exactly what Brendon is: a hoodie and sweatpants, but he thinks it might not last much longer because he can see them heading towards the closet.

"What are you doing?" He wonders. He misses their touch already.

Tyler brings their thumb knuckle into their mouth, again. Brendon can't tell if this is something they have always been doing and he's only just now catching onto it. Still, they dig their teeth there for a second, suck at it, pull away. "We need to go grocery shopping."

Brendon blinks. "We?"

"Yes."

Tyler walks into the closet, beginning to search through everything.

Brendon lays on his back to stare at the ceiling himself. His stomach churns, his heart beats loudly. "Tyler. . . I don't. . ."

They stick their head out. "What?"

Brendon doesn't look at them. "Can we stay here? I just. . . I don't want to go out more than I have to."

Tyler Adam's apple bobs. They sigh. "I'm asking you to come with me because I won't be able to do it on my own. I know it makes you anxious, but it does for me right now too. I need you." They look to the side nervously. Brendon already knows they struggle a lot with things like these, and them expressing it so openly is big. Maybe he needs to put someone else before himself for once. "Please."

They meet eyes again.

Tyler is glass. They have been, lately.

"Okay." Brendon says, throat tight, conscious heavy.

Tyler nods. "Thank you." They whisper, going back into the closet.

It doesn't take them long to find something to wear. He expects them to change where they're at, but no, they walk out and stand right in front of the mirror. Brendon is watching until Tyler turns to look at him, wordlessly giving a message.

He closes his eyes then.

Brendon can hear every piece of clothing come off of their body and others go on. It's thrilling knowing what's happening right before him that he cannot see, but he knows now also isn't the time to be thinking about it like that, and he's not. He can't even imagine that right now. Not when Tyler's uncomfortable with their own body-- not when he's uncomfortable with his own body.

"Are you done?" He wonders quietly after a few moments of blatant silence.

Tyler's a mouse. Tyler's glass. Tyler's wind, and Tyler's played up demeanor switches.

"No." They mutter. Like a breeze. A cold one.

Brendon doesn't question it. He listens to them walk back into the closet, going through more of their clothes. Every hanger squeaks against the rack, whistles in his ears, worries him when the tension is shown.

They walk back, step step step, in front of the mirror.

A shuffle, an unzipping, a sigh.

There's silence again. He thinks maybe they're done now, but then Tyler whispers, in the most broken, frustrated tone, "Fuck." To themself.

He frowns. "Ty?"

They say nothing this time.

He hears them go into the closet another time. Shuffling, and shuffling, and shuffling, and even more shuffling. It makes him sink further in the bed when the frustration is clear, the uneasiness within themself is clear.

Brendon isn't a mouse, or glass, or the wind. His demeanor never changes, either. He's the cricket in hiding; rarely seen, only good to make people wonder. Or himself wonder. It seems like that's all he can ever do in this instance, because he's now aware that something is wrong, but he feels like if he were to open his eyes, the trust would break.

He doesn't want that.

But he also wants to help.

It's conflicting.

**Trigger warning: anxiety attack.**

It's not until the third time they're slipping something else on when the silence is then followed by a terse sniffle. The alarms go off in his head-- Brendon is quick to open his eyes at that, and god, it's so wrong.

They're crying.

As soundlessly as possible too, into their hands, standing there with many different pieces of clothing at their feet. They're trying their hardest to make no noise, it's obvious. He watches with a tight chest as their whole body is jolts with sobs. Yes, sobs. It's so violent. So disheartening.

Carefully, Brendon gets off the bed. He makes his way towards them and doesn't hesitate to hug them from behind.

They flinch, but when realizing it's him, they finally let it out. The entire room fills with a gutwrenching sound of pure sadness, pure frustration, pure hatred. Not for anyone else other themself, and that's probably the worst part of it all. Tyler's an empty skeleton.

They're many things.

Brendon is about to speak up, but he panics when they grip at his-- Josh's-- hoodie sleeve and begin hyperventilating. Or maybe they already were. It's all happening so fast, he can't recall.

"Tyler, breathe," he whispers worriedly.

Oh no, oh no.

He's never on the opposite side of these kind of things.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Tyler shakes their head, letting their body grow a mind of its own. They're sliding down Brendon's front until they hit the floor, weeping.

Their breath stutters; they gasp for air. It's almost like they're under water when that isn't the case at all, and it continues to remind him. Remind him that this is him. He's watching himself. Watching how he breaks, how he often acts.

What does he do?

Tyler is closing in on themself. They let go of Brendon to wrap their arms around their knees, rocking back, rocking forth. Drowning on land. Falling from the sky. Sinking into the ground, the grave.

Brendon closes his eyes and tries to breathe himself when he can feel everything settle. From the pit of his stomach to the swell in his heart.

Inhale, exhale.

"Ty," he murmurs, slowly lowering himself onto the floor with them.

They whimper.

"I need you to breathe for me." He says, touching their shoulder. They're not wearing a hoodie and sweatpants anymore. They're clad in a far too oversized blue shirt and some jeans. The shirt goes down to their thighs to cover their front, and Brendon can't help but imagine they did it purposefully.

Tyler shakes their head again, crying, crying. Tears. There has been so many these last few days.

Brendon moves to hold their chin, guiding them so they meet eyes. "Listen to me, Tyler. Please. Just try at least, okay?"

They frown, but nonetheless, nod.

"Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth," Brendon plants himself down beside them, running his fingers along their palm. "I'll do it with you. Does that sound good?"

Tyler nods again, and Brendon can't help the pang that grows in his chest when he can feel how much their entire being trembles. From their legs to their head. Like a leaf, but even then, that makes no sense. Tyler is the wind that rustles everything.

"In," Brendon mutters, breathing in through his nose. "Out." Through the mouth.

Tyler struggles, but they manage.

"Again."

They do it again.

Both of them.

Brendon needs it too, definitely. Although he's not actively in a state of panic like Tyler, he can feel it creeping through every crevice in his brain. It'll milk his heart, force him to swallow down his own anxiety so it settles in the pit of his stomach and ruin him.

No. Not now. Not today.

He needs to help Tyler. That's all that matters right now.

"Get your head out of your knees. Look up." Brendon whispers. It isn't forceful. Actually, it's quite delicate.

Tyler follows, sniffling when they expose their face. Once again, their lips are swollen, their complexion is a rosy color. Brendon has gotten used to it, and although he can find that it's heartwarming how they now trust him to see them in a state like this, he still hates it. He doesn't want to see them so broken and ruined, he wants to see that smile that took them so long to reveal.

He supposes he can't have everything good in life.

"Tell me something you see," He continues.

Tyler swallows thickly, still doing the breathing technique. They blink a few times. "I just-- I just see me. I see everything wrong."

Brendon's brows pull together. "What do you mean, Ty?"

It's not what he meant when he asked the question, but this works too. He needs to know what's wrong. He needs them to tell him at their own pace.

Tyler's lips wobble into a frown. They let out another sob, squeezing their eyes shut to allow more tears to follow. "Something-something," they sigh, groan, frustrated with themself. "I can't." They shake their head. "I can't-- I don't. . . I don't feel comfortable in anything. I-I-I can't wear jeans, I'm not going to wear cargos or anything else-- no. I just look at myself and everything I put on makes it worse."

Brendon slips their fingers together, squeezing them. "Why not cargos?"

The tip of their nose is a lot more red than the rest of their face, and Brendon can't help but notice the way their eyelashes clump together from all the tears. "They're too masculine." They state. Then, they look to Brendon worriedly. "Do they. . . Do they always look like that?"

Brendon shakes his head. Fast. "I don't even notice those things." He says, because it's true. They're in their head too much. "Whenever you put on clothes, I don't think about whether they're masculine or feminine, I just think that they're Tyler. You make them your own."

Tyler exhales, inhales, exhales. "I look at myself and-and-and everything is wrong. I've shaved my head, my facial hair, and something is still wrong." They sniffle. "This happens everytime and I know it's only because I'm feeling really dysphoric but I can't help it. It's wrong. Something's wrong. I can't be happy even if I try."

Brendon brings their hand to his lips, kissing the back of it. "I know it's hard, but I need you to believe me when I say that every single thing is perfect. I didn't get it at first, but I get it now, and I don't want you to change that." He rubs his nose against their skin, in circles, soothing, pecking, easing. "Everything you put on won't be different now because you're getting in your head. You still look great, you still look confusing, and I think that's the best part. Confusion is healthy as long as it makes you happy."

Suddenly thump is all Brendon can hear when he watches Tyler finally crack a smile through all the sorrow. "You think I look good in everything I wear?"

Brendon can't help but chuckle. It's almost in disbelief. "Tyler, I think you always look good. It's too hard not to."

Finally that smile he cherishes every time makes another appearance. He catches a glimpse of their bottom teeth, their strangely attractive crooked ones, and how their eyes crinkle at the same time. "I don't know how you do it." They decide.

Another sniffle. A few, actually.

"What do you mean?" Brendon asks.

Tyler leans onto his shoulder, chest still moving up and down very visibly, but slowly, it's becoming more settled. They rub their eyes onto his shoulder to wipe the tears off. "You make things so much better."

He blinks. "Do I?"

They nod. "I trust you." They say. "I trust you when you tell me I look good."

"Well, you should."

**Trigger warning over.**

Tyler nods again. They pull back and stare into his eyes, trembling hand moving to his waist. "A beautiful man."

Brendon tilts his head. "What?"

"You asked me what I see."

Immediately, Brendon's cheeks ache from how tight his lips are pulled into a smile. "A beautiful person." He responds, leaning closer until their foreheads rest against one another's. "If it wasn't for Josh, I might even say the most beautiful. You both are even, though."

Tyler chuckles breathily, still steadying out their breathing. "Josh is so pretty." They whisper.

"He is."

Tyler rubs their noses together. "You're so pretty." Their hand grips at his waist slightly. "Let's kiss."

"Now you want to kiss?" Brendon wonders. They're weird.

Tyler nods. "You make me feel safe. I'm okay."

"Are you?" Brendon can't help but ask, because it's true; they literally just had an anxiety attack. He's welcome to consider that things aren't okay.

Tyler sighs, closing their eyes. "It happens. I'm sorry." Their thumb runs over his skin, soothing themself, soothing him. Somehow Tyler manages to still protect Brendon even when they're at their most vulnerable position. "I haven't had an anxiety attack in a really long time. I knew it was going to happen, though. I knew it. I've been on edge all day."

Brendon shakes his head. "Never apologize for that. Especially with me."

Especially with him.

Tyler huffs, nodding another time. "Kiss me now. I want to forget about it."

"I don't wanna kiss you if you--"

Tyler presses their lips together. They tilt their head to the side and go in further once they take a breath of air, unaccompanied hand slowly moving to the back of his head. "I taste you," they whisper against him, and Brendon is confused. "I feel your breath." They then say. It helps him understand.

They're still pointing out things to calm themself down.

"Tell me something." They murmur, kissing him another time, sucking on his bottom lip.

Brendon swipes his tongue across it afterwards, then pulls away only slightly. The thought of tasting them is weird. He's tasting someone else. Tyler's in his mouth-- no. That sounds far too provacative. "I taste you, too." He settles for.

Something washes over the surface. They lean closer, to his ear. "Do you like it?"

They kiss his neck.

Brendon shivers.

"I think so," he murmurs.

Tyler presses their lips to a certain part of his neck multiple times, to the point where Brendon's eyes flutter shut and he intakes a breath so fast it nearly sounds like a gasp.

Maybe it was.

Tyler smiles against him afterwards, then gently bites down on the expanse.

Brendon hums nervously, pulling away. "You'll give me a hickey," he whispers.

Tyler shakes their head. "No." They examine him. Sense his insecurities, see the way he wraps his arms around himself protectively, hear how laboured his breathing is quickly becoming. "Have you never gotten a hickey?"

Brendon swallows thickly, looking away.

"Not even from your ex-girlfriend?"

Brendon shrugs, a blush on his cheeks. "That was highschool."

"Yeah, exactly. Everyone gets hickeys in highschool." They say.

Brendon shrugs again. "Not me."

He keeps them out of sight, but Tyler never once takes their eyes off of him. They touch his neck when it's silent, rubbing their thumb onto the area they kissed. "Do you want one?"

Brendon's heart is deafening. When is it not.

He glances to them.

They stare at one another.

Finally, Tyler reaches out to run a hand through his hair. "Come here," they whisper, gentle, but anxiety still makes his stomach flip and turn. Especially after Tyler saying they have a hard time controlling themself when it comes to urges-- nevermind. Tyler wouldn't do anything he was uncomfortable with. He'll be fine.

Brendon moves closer, sheepishly, and he's completely taken off guard when Tyler pulls him into their lap. Not all the way, only to where he is able to sit on their thighs.

"Relax." Tyler whispers.

"I can't." He responds, hands trembling to their shoulders.

"You're safe." They state, twirling a strand of his hair around their finger momentarily. "In and out, like you told me."

Brendon doesn't even want to think about the fact that Tyler is somehow gaining control right after being so low, so sensitive and amenable. It just says a lot about himself, and maybe he's feeling more embarrassed about the entire situation opposed to nervous.

"Okay." Brendon utters. Giving them that consent.

"You can tell me to stop if you want." They state. "But I'll be fast anyways. Lots of practice."

Brendon wants to roll his eyes.

"I'm ready."

Tyler nods, leaning forward to kiss him on the lips again, which Brendon wasn't expecting at all. They must notice too because they say, "To set the mood." Against him. Their noses brush together, and Brendon's heart nearly drops when he can feel Tyler's tongue touch his.

It doesn't last long; they probably did it purposefully.

Then, they kiss him all the way down to his neck.

Travelling.

Lingering.

Brendon's whole body feels like collapsing when he feels their tongue stick out and run along a spot there. They kiss the skin a few times before slowly sucking, and Brendon grips timidly at their shirt as soon as it happens. In shock, in pleasure, in pain.

The pain is only subtle, the pleasure is not.

Before he can even think about it either, he breathes out a soft moan. Low. Overwhelmed.

Tyler pushes his back against the bed frame once hearing it, and that's when it all hits him.

**Trigger warning: another anxiety attack. This one is very brief.**

His heart skips a beat, maybe multiple, and instead of pleasure now, all he can feel is panic. It's terrifying. He feels stuck like this; Tyler practically closing him in and taking over his entire body in a matter of seconds-- he can't breathe.

He squeezes his eyes shut, gripping their shirt tighter to try and make it clear. Something clear.

Tyler doesn't seem to understand.

They lick over his skin another time, and instead of pulling away, they use their teeth to nibble at the area. It's an odd sensation, an unwanted one, and Brendon crumbles right then and there. He doesn't know why everything switched so fast, but he doesn't care. All he knows is that this is too much right now. Too much. Too much. Too much. "Too much. Too much. Too much." It's all he can process.

Finally, Tyler pulls away. "Do you want me to stop? I think I'm done any--"

Brendon leans onto their shoulder and cries.

This is so embarrassing.

This is so abrupt.

This is so messy.

Everything is so messy.

"Brendon, Brendon, was it too overwhelming?" They whisper, running a hand over his hair. "You can tell me. You need to."

Brendon nods frantically, digging his fingers into their arms accidentally. He can't think straight-- he can't think at all, really. The only thing his mind is set on is blocking out this entire situation, what lead them here, what he now knows, what he now has.

"Okay." Tyler murmurs, then pecks his head. "You're okay. You're okay."

Brendon continues crying.

Why?

"Remember what you said? In through your nose, out through your mouth." They soothe him somehow despite being the person who provoked all of this. It's funny how that works. It's funny how Tyler is somehow more calm than him although they were at their lowest point not even fifteen minutes ago. "No more tears today. There's been enough. Let's breathe."

Brendon wants to breathe.

Brendon wants to forget about all the anxieties eating away at him.

Brendon wants Tyler, wants Josh, but is too afraid to get them.

"You did so well." Tyler whispers, holding him as close as they possibly can while taking into account their own discomfort. Brendon still isn't sitting fully on their lap, and he's not suprised. It's baffling that they're even letting him onto their thighs. "We'll take it slower. You just need to tell me. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable again."

Brendon swallows thickly, nodding another time.

He holds onto them like they might disappear and he'll never get to look back on this moment with a good conscience. He needs to be able to do that. He needs to be able to think about this respectively.

"Ty," he breathes out, heart stuck in his throat.

"Yes?"

"It-it-it was okay. Yeah. I just. . . I didn't. . . I don't know." He does, he just isn't willing to tell them. When it became more intense, more real, that's when it felt terrifying. When Tyler had him pushed up against the bed frame and asserted a dominance he knew was there but was never wanting to consider until he had to.

He supposes now he has.

"You don't have to explain." They kiss the top of his head. "You only need to tell me what's okay for now and what's not. It's your pace."

Brendon sniffles. "I know. I'm sor-- I know."

Tyler says nothing. They pull his face from out of their shoulder and stare him in the eyes.

Brendon can't even imagine how pitiful he looks.

**Trigger warning over.**

"I'll keep you safe. You're safe with me." They utter. "I'll protect you." They then add, and afterwards, "Do you want to know something?" It's in the softest tone Brendon has ever heard. It reminds him of Carina, even.

"Hmm?" He gets out.

Tyler uses their thumbs to wipe his drying tears. Supringly, he already feels a lot more calm. It all happened so fast. Everything has. Even Tyler's anxiety attack did. It's like he blinked and as theirs stopped, his began.

"Hickeys are a form of possession." They murmur. "You're mine now. Is that alright?"

For some reason, the feeling is warm, not frightening. He doesn't understand.

Brendon blinks, then reaches and touches Tyler's cheek.

"What are you doing?" They whisper, smiling.

"I'm just getting used to it. Being yours." He decides.

Tyler bites the grin off their lips, nodding along to what he has to say. He's glad he can make them happy after this shit show the two of them have been through in under an hour. That seems to be the case when the two of them are together though, but for some odd reason, he enjoys it.

"Let's not go to the grocery store." Tyler suddenly says.

"Please."

"Let's take a nap."

"Please."

Tyler hums, pressing their lips against his chin for a moment. "I'll take you." They mutter.

"You're gonna lift me up?" Brendon asks; he almost laughs.

Tyler doesn't laugh, but they also don't take it to heart like they might have. They're sensitive with certain things-- many things-- and Brendon knows they struggle a lot when it comes to stuff like this. Still, they nod. "I'm stronger than I look."

"I trust you." Brendon reminds.

"I know."

They move their arms to wrap around the underside of his thighs opposed to his back, still keeping a hand near his tailbone for leverage. Brendon's eyes widen when he feels them timidly begin to stand onto their feet, wobbly, but they have been on the floor for a while so it makes sense.

Before he knows it too, his movements are being controlled. Wherever Tyler goes, he goes. They hold him tightly, protectively, and Brendon can feel his heart skip a beat when realizing he has lost control once again, yet this time, it's different.

It's safer.

They're trembling slightly, only because yeah, holding a full grown adult isn't the easiest and even Brendon is shocked that this is happening. It doesn't last long either, and he doesn't blame them. They lay him down against the blankets and run a hand through his hair. "I'm going to go change." They say.

They begin to walk off, but before they can, Brendon grabs onto their hand.

They look back at him, not confused, only curious. Brendon nearly melts.

"Do me a favor," he starts. "Don't look in the mirror this time." He whispers. "Put on whatever you feel comfortable in and crawl into bed before you overthink it."

Tyler's Adam's apple bobs.

They nod.

He lets go of their hand and watches them walk off into the closet as he gets comfortable underneath the blankets. He feels better. He just gets overwhelmed too quickly and his first response is to cry, which is something he should definitely work on, but he doesn't even know where to start.

He catches himself drifting off before Tyler gets back in bed. When they do though, it's after they switch the light off and turn the TV on, volume low. A cycle.

They scoot up behind Brendon until most of their body is pressed against him. He wonders whether or not he needs to get used to having that gap between them, right where it means most for both of them, then he remembers that this won't last forever. Tyler's problems only reoccur this badly every so often. It wasn't that long ago where the two of them were stuck like glue on the airmatress at his mom's.

Though, their bare thigh brushes against his hand, and that's what leads him to turn his head around and look at them carefully.

They blink a few times, already under the covers. "I'd sleep naked right now if it wasn't for you or shitty bottom dysphoria." They state.

Brendon's eyes travel, confused on what they are wearing.

"Don't look." Tyler then says. Brendon stops immediately. "I'm in my underwear."

He can see they're wearing a shirt too. It's the same oversized blue one, the one that covers their entire frame all the way down to their thighs. They're getting closer to the comfort he once saw them in, but still not completely there yet.

"Okay." Is all Brendon gets out, turning his head back around and closing his eyes.

Tyler slowly wraps an arm over his waist.

It's quiet for a while. Brendon stresses over the fact that Jim is probably still in his kennel, and Josh is not home with them. But, he brushes it all off, because if Tyler isn't worrying about it, he shouldn't either. He'll follow their lead for most things, really. Especially when it comes to their family.

"I feel better." Tyler suddenly whispers.

"Yeah?" Brendon asks, practically on the verge of sleep.

"Yeah." They decide. "I feel in control again. I feel big. Strong."

Brendon nods. "You're all of those things."

Tyler's fingers touch his neck, running over the side they marked, claimed. "And you're mine." They whisper. It sends shivers down his spine, because despite being such a bold choice of words, he somehow finds comfort in them.

"I am." He assures.

He is.

***

Hey! Just wanted to say that I sent Tris (faerietyler) a package for Valentine's day and I'm very happy.

faerietyler I love you.

You know I had to show it off to everyone.