Brendon types away on his computer, pushing his glasses up every so often when they begin go fall.

Working at an office, in cubicles, will never be fun. His arms ache from being in the same position for too long and his eyes burn the longer he's looking at the screen. Brendon knows he should be used to this by now, having been doing this for months on end, yet he's not.

When his co-workers aren't shouting or laughing in the break room, all you hear is the obnoxious noise of fingers against keyboards.

It fills the entire floor.

Being at work makes Brendon a ticking time bomb, and he'd explode if he wasn't so reluctant.

He can hear the new employee beside him whispering to himself over and over again.

"Which allows them to. . . Which allows them to. . . Which allows them to. . ."

Brendon bounces his leg, pulling his hands away from his work and listening to the lingering tone. The man seems lost, not knowing what to write after which allows them to so Brendon stands, rolling chair making a strange noise while he did so.

He carefully turns the corner, seeing the dirty blonde nearly bent into his knees in frustration.

"Uh-mm, you okay?" He's so awkward.

Brendon can't remember his name but he turns around, tired eyes and steady lips.

They're just looking at one another, okay. Brendon's cheeks are quickly bursting into a heavy blush, gripping the cubicle wall.

The other man turns back to look at his computer. "I'm just lost, dude."

"What are you doing?"

"Sending a fucking email." He laughs bitterly, seemingly upset with himself for getting dismayed over something so simple. Brendon does it too often, and he's still on the road of remorse and forgiveness. It's a bit different in a work setting though, he understands what it's like to feel stuck on the smaller things you have to do.

"Need help?"

Reluctant at first, the blonde shrugs his shoulders with a nod.

Brendon gets closer, crouching to the desks level and seeing what has been written out. It's not too bad, looking professional enough for Boss to praise him for.

"Well, your layout is good." He mutters, then clearing his throat.

Voice is troubling for him. It always has been. He always wanted to express himself and he wanted to be the person he always desired but something always had a hold on him, and wouldn't let go. No matter how much pushing, he's completely given up, truly, and he's ashamed to admit that.

"I know that, I'm just stuck right here." The tone isn't harsh, only aggravated within itself.

Brendon watches him point to a part of the screen where he was struggling.

"If you're so stuck on what's to come, maybe change the sentence before so it can flow." That seems like the only choice without having an internal battle.

It's quiet between the two of them again, the new employee seems to use this silence to make sense of Brendon's words. Soon enough, he places his feet back down on the floor instead of having his knees tucked into his chest.

"Yeah, yeah. You're right. Okay." He scootches back into the desk and presses the delete button.

"Alright," Brendon stands.

"Thank you so much."

"Of course. . ." His cheeks are still hot, he feels bad.

"Lukas."

Brendon nods.

His lips twitch into a smile, turning the corner and walking back into his own cubicle.

He huffs when sitting down, running his hand through his hair to push it back. He did well, he did okay. Yeah, it's only at work and it's not someone at a food joint or wherever else you meet people, but he talked to someone first. He did it. And pretty well, at that.

Brendon smiles even wider to himself, he felt good today.

***

In the break room, Brendon's eating a bagel.

It's a chocolate chip one with a decent amount of cream cheese. Some stays on the corner of his lips, he doesn't notice. He's too busy cracking grins at his phone screen, having a casual conversation with Josh.

He's been messaging him when he wasn't too busy, they were mostly talking about their hobbies and what they were up to. Brendon had learned Josh is a professional photographer, which he finds tremendously appealing.

Someone thought I was a nude photographer once. That was a weird experience.

Brendon covers his mouth in shock, not too sure if he wanted to laugh.

He does.

"What's got you smiling?" He suddenly hears, Debby pulling out the chair in front of him and sitting down.

Brendon looks up at her and purses his lips, looking back down at his phone to ignore the question.

What all happened?

Let's just say I had a lot of explaining to do when Tyler saw the pictures.

Brendon wants to know whether that kind of situation would be simple to understand, if Tyler was upset, or if Tyler even cared at all. They seemed very passive, in a good way, and it was obvious the two had a lot of faith in one another.

Wait you actually went through with photographing them nude? Oh my god.

I got paid, didn't I? Hah.

"Brendon."

"Yeah?" He sighs, looking at Debby again.

"I've never seen you smile at work, what's happening."

Did he really never smile? He's never thought about it. Work dragged him down, there was no room to be cheerful. He wasn't very cheerful, anyways.

"I've just been okay today." He shrugs, not knowing how to explain it.

"Well, that's good. I'm glad." She pulls out a small fruit parfait for herself, taking a bite and chewing loudly even with her mouth closed. Brendon wasn't too sure how that was even possible, but Debby was doing wonders. "I have a feeling something has happened, though."

Brendon bites until the inside of his cheek is rough.

He doesn't know what to say. He's just happy he's been able to push himself these lasts two days.

"Brendon! Are you. . ." She's smirking, eyebrow quirked.

He doesn't understand what she's hinting at. "What?"

"Did I actually push you to meet someone? Who is it? What did you guys do together?" Blabber fucking mouth, shut up, shut up, shut up.

"I. . . I only downloaded Tinder." Brendon deflates for an unknown manner, feeling belittled. "I don't know, I just. . . It seemed like the only reasonable thing to do if I really do want to meet someone." He shrugs his shoulders again.

Debby is giddy.

Brendon eats his bagel.

"Yes! That's what I was talking about, putting yourself out there!" She does a little dance in her seat, eating more of her food.

Brendon can admit, being on the app has been amusing him. He has something to think about during the day instead of wondering if his mom ate in peace or if he would be able to push through without getting nervous for once. It made everything subdue, and allowed him to put his mind to interacting with others.

And he likes talking to Josh, especially.

"So, are you talking to anyone?" Debby leans in, cleavage subtly scandalous.

He blushes again, he's been blushing all damn day.

"I. . . I, kinda?" He scratches the nape of his neck, feeling hot.

"Oh, my gosh. You've gotta show me." She's even closer, Brendon considers showing her pictures of Josh and conversations with him and others.

Although he's been talking to more than just him, Josh has been his priority. He was so different than everyone else; he was good at making Brendon feel casual within their messages and with everyone else it was an awkward back and forth that could definitely be painful to read through.

"Well, um," he's about to show her his phone screen until it hits him.

No.

He can't show her.

Debby will read Josh's profile and judge Brendon, wondering why he'd be interested in a guy like this. She wouldn't look at him the same. She would think he was insane for being open to the idea of being with two instead of just one.

It's blabber mouth. He can't show her.

"I haven't been talking to anyone enough to show you anything." Brendon breathes out, feeling embarrassed.

She sighs. "Hopefully soon."

Brendon glances down at Josh's messages. "Yeah."

***

What happened at break really made Brendon think.

If he truly wanted to try this, to try to mend with the love between and not beside, was he always going to feel that way? Ashamed? If so, was it worth it? It was Debby-- someone he definitely didn't trust with his privacy-- and maybe that was the cause.

But what if it wasn't.

He considers how he'd feel if he told someone like Carina, and still, it makes him uneasy.

This is all so new to Brendon, and even he himself is not completely comfortable with the thought yet, and that's why he's been trying to ease his way into it, ask questions and not pressure himself to be someone he wasn't, to do something he didn't want to.

He wants to talk to Josh and Tyler more, and only keep that to himself right now.

He hopes that's okay.

What are you up to?

Brendon swallows, losing his tie and taking in his surroundings.

Nothing, really.

He's never doing anything when he's actually home. He'll shower sometimes, sit on his couch, smoke weed if he needs to, and sleeps.

He's so bored with his own company.

That's boring.

Tyler and I are watching TV. Face Off, ever heard of it?

The only time Brendon ever gets to watch television is when he's at his mom's, and even then, it's the same two shows: America's Funniest Home Videos and Cash Cab. He doesn't mind them, but he wants to watch something else sometimes.

I don't have a TV, so no.

Brendon sighs, that message sounded so bitter, accidentally.

No TV!

Maybe I'll buy one soon. I'm just never really home enough for it to be useful.

A TV is always useful.

He couldn't argue with that. He has nothing to do when coming home, he'll sit down and stare at the wall, listening to everyone around him living their best lives. And he's just sitting there, staring at a wall while someone praises the other, getting more intimacy and affection in one night than Brendon gets in a year.

He could be blocking all of reality out. Maybe he should do that.

He wouldn't have to feel so bad about himself, then.

We're cold.

Brendon glues his eyes on the photo Josh sends, heart in his throat. It really hits him now; he's not just talking to Josh, he's talking to his husband too.

Is this what he wanted?

Was he okay possibly being with more than one person?

Brendon sighs, gritting his teeth anxiously. He's so unsure of everything that's been happening, but it didn't seem like a bad thing. He's just hoping everything will be okay.

He's begging for everything to be okay.