Brendon slept in this morning, and probably would have continued to if it wasn't for Jim whimpering in his ear and pawing at his side to grab his attention. He tried to ignore it for a while, but it didn't stop. If anything, Jim's small noises got louder and louder the closer Brendon was to falling asleep again.

Finally, he rolls over, groaning. "What is it, bud." He croaks out, eyes barely opening.

Jim only whimpers again.

Brendon sighs, turning back around and checking his phone for the time. It's nearly eleven, which should be shocking, but it's not. He has the tendency to sleep in on the weekends. He's just exhausted, and really if he could, he would sleep for as long as it was possible.

For now though, he has a responsibility.

"Food?" He wonders quietly, and Jim's ears perk up.

Brendon nods. He carefully throws the blankets over himself and gets out of bed, legs a bit wobbly while walking. Jim follows right after him out of the room and downstairs, where Brendon once again pours one cup of food into his bowl and watches him with a small smile as he eats in a messy manner.

It's too cute.

Still, Brendon isn't very hungry. Maybe he's lost his appetite recently, or maybe it's a subconscious decision. He doesn't know.

Nonetheless, there's this urge in the back of his head to please Tyler. Hopefully finish everything they made for him before they come home in the next couple of days, so he heats up one of the breakfast burritos in the microwave. Only one, because that will be enough.

In all honesty, it will probably be too much for him, really.

Brendon sits in the same seat at the table, taking reasonably small bites of his food. Sunlight fills up the entire room, and it's usually comforting, but when Tyler and Josh are gone it just feels wrong.

He misses the noises of Tyler cooking at the stove, and he misses the way Josh would watch them; sometimes having a conversation with them, other times simply enjoying the view.

It must be nice waking up to one another every day.

Out of all things he craves from a relationship so intimate is exactly that. The act of turning over in bed and seeing them, knowing they're yours and you're theirs. The solace in that, the love. It's something Brendon doesn't fully grasp and is not exactly sure he ever will. He has faith that Tyler and Josh might be those people for him, the people he can wake up to in the morning and feel like he finally belongs. He has faith they will be the people he can make breakfast with daily and do simple things like talking with their shirts off and cook bacon while touching each other's waists.

God, Brendon misses the both of them so much.

He sighs.

At the thought, he slips his phone out and clicks on Josh's contact.

He would text Tyler instead, but again, he knows they need time to themself right now, and Josh will most likely mention something about them as usual. He always does.

Good morning. I miss you.

Brendon's desperate.

He takes another small bite of his burrito and glances down at Jim, watching the way he crouches low to eat, yet pulls back to chew when he has a lot of food in his mouth.

After a moment, his phone vibrates, and Brendon is quick to look at it.

Good morning, hottie.

We just got back from eating breakfast, wanna video call? The wedding doesn't start for another couple of hours.

Surprisingly, Brendon's face doesn't flush. There might be a very faint blush on his cheekbones but nothing dramatic. He pulls a knee to his chest and rests his chin on top of it, running a hand through his hair before typing.

Yeah okay.

In just seconds, he's answering Josh's video call. He smiles in a small manner when seeing his face, and Josh smiles right back.

"Hey." He says, eyes in a slight squint.

Brendon sucks in his bottom lip momentarily. "Hey."

"Did you just wake up?" Josh asks. He's laying down in the bed again but this time he's clothed. His hair is a mess as well, and Brendon loves every bit of it. He wants to run his fingers through it and pull him close.

"Yeah. Jim was hungry, he wouldn't leave me alone." He mutters, blinking.

Josh nods. "Have you eaten anything Tyler made you?"

Brendon hums. One, because as always, he mentioned Tyler like he knew he would and two, he is eating the food they've made for him. He lifts the breakfast burrito into frame so Josh can see it, almost completely eaten by now.

Josh smiles again. "Good. They stayed up Thursday night just making food for you."

Brendon frowns at that. "They didn't have to do that. . . I would have found something to eat."

Josh shakes his head in return. "They like tasks. And they said that it was probably easier this way because if they spent time making you food, it would give you a purpose to eat it instead of letting it go to waste."

Brendon's heart is in his throat.

Maybe the eating situation is worse than he assumed.

Does he have a problem? Surely not. It's not as though he's doing it to harm himself, it's as simple as not being hungry. Being too tired or overwhelmed to have a good meal everyday. The thought of food makes him feel sick most times, it never settles well, and he's better off doing something else instead of eating when it will only cause more damage.

He bites his lip, uncomfortable talking about the subject any further so he asks, "Where's Tyler at?"

Josh slowly lowers the phone to reveal them sitting in between his legs, head rested on his stomach and thumb knuckle in their mouth once again. Tyler doesn't say a thing, they only look at the phone screen for a quick second before staring back at whatever is in front of them, which has to be the television because Brendon can hear the faint sound of it through the call.

He watches them nibble at the skin on their knuckle until Josh pulls the phone away to show his face once more. "Between my legs." He answers.

Brendon doesn't know how to respond, so he takes another bite of his food.

"Where's Jim?" Josh then wonders.

Brendon continues chewing but flips the camera around to show Jim finishing up everything in his bowl. "He's a messy eater," he says when swallowing, poking the dog's head with his foot. He turns the camera back around afterwards.

"Yeah, he really is. We've tried to fix it but some things can't be fixed." He shrugs, watching whatever is on the television as well.

Brendon finishes his burrito, stomach not very pleased, but he is knowing he's making Josh and Tyler happy.

No one says a thing for a while, yet in some strange way, it's good. Brendon is pretty sure everyone just needs each other right now; everyone needs to know they're there for one another. They don't have to speak, they don't have to do a thing. He feels beyond comforted simply being aware that Josh and Tyler both are right there if anything happens.

As soon as Jim steps away from his bowl, Brendon leads him back into the bedroom. He curls up under the covers and pulls them to his chin, Jim cuddling up to his legs.

It's then when Josh looks back at his phone screen, lips upturned. "Did you sleep in our bed last night?"

Brendon nods, closing his eyes. He's still exhausted. "Yeah. I was too tired to blow up the airmatress."

Josh shakes his head. "You don't have to worry about that. You can sleep in our bed whenever you want, Brend."

He nods once again. "Okay. Thank you." He says, then his lips go crooked in thought. Brendon hasn't been to a wedding in years and really, he has no idea what time they start. He only is questionable because it gives him guidance of when he can and can't talk to either of them. He'd like to give them their time and space. "Hey, uh, what time is the wedding anyways?" He wonders softly.

Josh opens his mouth to respond, but freezes. Brendon's best guess is Tyler did something that grabbed his attention, and he seems to be right when he can hear them get off of the bed and Josh asks, "Where are you going?" Brendon doesn't hear the response, so it must be visible.

A flash of worry runs across Josh's eyes, but he nods, and Brendon can hear the bathroom door close.

Josh looks back at the phone. "Uh, sorry. What'd you ask again?"

Brendon frowns a little. "What time is the wedding?"

Josh hums. "Starts at two but we'll probably leave a little bit before one-thirty."

Brendon nods carefully. He doesn't want to think about it too much, because now it's so unbelievably apparent that Tyler doesn't want to go to this wedding. He's terrified to think about why, he's anxious to understand the reasoning behind it. Everything that has happened recently revolving around it is unsettling. Tyler's acting different; Tyler seems unhappy. Yesterday was the first time he has ever seen them be so vulnerable. They're usually the one to take control in every situation, help opposed to being helped, but it was the exact opposite. Brendon felt the need to make sure they were as well as possible before leaving.

It's horrible. He hates it.

"Is Tyler going to be okay?" He whispers meekly, and for some reason his eyes are becoming glossy.

Josh pauses.

He looks downwards for a moment and bites his lip before looking back at Brendon. "Today's already really, really hard for them and we haven't even left." He admits quietly; he probably doesn't want them to hear.

Those words are exactly what Brendon was scared of.

He just wants everything to be okay, but maybe that's harder than it seems.

He exhales, roughly biting the inside of his cheek. "Is that why they're being so quiet?" Tyler's usually quiet. Though, not like this. They add their input on stuff, and have the decency to say hello when they see Brendon. This is different, this type of quiet is self-destructive. He knows because he does it too.

Josh runs a hand through his hair, blinking. "Yeah. They've barely said a thing all day. I think they said good morning to me, asked if we can go eat, and told me their order. That's all. We've been up for hours." He sighs, swallowing thickly at the thought. "This only happens when they're really anxious, and it's scaring me."

Brendon thinks it might be scaring him most.

Being unaware of why they're acting this way but having assumptions is the worst part.

"The most you can do is take care of them as much as you can." He says with a lump in his throat. "Because they have you with them, and I'm sure as much as they don't want to admit it, they-they need you, you know?"

Josh hums solemnly. "I know. I'm trying."

Brendon gulps, nodding. "I. . . I don't know why they're anxious, but I have an idea, and, um, if it really is because of that, just keep them close for me." If he's wrong, he probably sounds idiotic. Tyler might simply be anxious because they're never one to put themself in a social situation. "I'm not sure how they are when they're anxious. . . Uh, when I am though, especially in a social setting, it comforts me when the person or people I'm with help me with things. To an extent. Or do little things like hold my hand or something-- I don't know. You two have been together for so long you probably already know how to help actually, I'm just paranoid. . . Sorry."

Josh gives a small smile. "Stop apologizing for things. You know your opinion does matter, and especially since you deal with it more than most people, it's helpful to hear." He says, fingers prodding against his gauge. He does that often. "Tyler and I have been together for a really long time, but that doesn't mean I'm some magician with helping them when they're upset."

Brendon sighs. "Sorry, I--" He pauses. "No, uh, not sorry, I just mean--"

Josh chuckles. "You're cute."

He rolls his eyes. Nothing about that was cute, Josh is only delusional. "Shut up."

There's silence for a moment.

"Kiss me when I come home." Josh then whispers, eyes soft, teeth against his lips, and Brendon's heart skips a beat.

His face flushes, toes curling. "Tyler-Tyler told you," it comes out more of a statement than a question. These things shouldn't be surprising anymore; he knows they tell one another everything.

Josh bites his lip. "Tyler tells me everything." He mutters, laying further into the pillows. "I want you to kiss me. I'm not saying that because you two kissed, I'm saying that because I've wanted to kiss you for a long time now, but I didn't think you were ready. Tyler's more assertive than I am, it doesn't surprise me they managed to kiss you before we left." He pauses for a moment. "Are you ready? Or was it too soon?"

Brendon blinks a few times, chest moving up and down in a quick manner. Is he ready? All he has thought about is kissing both of them, that must mean something, right?

As long as they go at his pace, he thinks he might be.

"Yeah." He says quietly. He can feel his heart thump loudly at the confession. "I'm ready. I'll kiss you. You can kiss me."

Josh smiles cheekily at that, moving his shoulders around. "Now I really can't wait to get home."

Brendon blush deepens. "Kissing, uh, kissing is fine. Just, please I-I-I'm not ready for anything else, sor-- yeah."

"Bren, I know." He states. "We'll only do anything if you're ready."

It's that which reminds Brendon of what he found yesterday. That's something he's definitely not ready for, and he's not sure he'll ever be. But should he tell Josh about it?

God, no, that's so embarrassing. He's not going to tell him, not right now.

Though, what he does say is, "Josh, something. . . Something happened yesterday. That's why I was so anxious." He stops for a moment, taking a breath. "I'm really not comfortable talking right now. . . But, uh, if or when I am, please be patient with me."

Josh furrows his eyebrows, but nonetheless, he carefully nods. "Okay." He utters. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"Yes. I'm positive." Brendon rushes out, blush still taking over his face.

"Okay," He whispers. "Just know I'm not going to judge you. Neither of us will."

Brendon doesn't say a word.

"Tell us if you're ready. Promise?" Josh then asks when noticing his lack of response.

Brendon closes his eyes. "Promise." He says. Then, that's when he notices the strong absence of someone. "Tyler's been in the bathroom for a while." He mumbles worriedly.

Josh looks to the side, lips going crooked. "Yeah."

The walls in the hotel must be thin, because as soon as they start talking about it, he can hear the bathroom door open again. Slowly, Tyler comes crawling back onto the bed and into Josh lap, sticking their face between his neck and shoulder. They wrap their arms tightly around him, Josh running his fingers up and down their back before kissing their temple.

"Are you okay, baby?" He wonders softly.

Again, Tyler doesn't say anything.

Josh exhales. "Wanna say hi to Brendon?"

At that, Tyler turns their head so their eyes are no longer covered. They stare at Brendon on the screen, carefully lifting their hand and waving.

Brendon thinks they're acting weird, but that's just normal for them. Still, this is different, this is strange. He doesn't know what it is anymore; he only knows that something seems horribly off, which scares him even more than before. This isn't Tyler. At least, not the Tyler he's familiar with.

Nonetheless he waves back, deciding to stay quiet for them.

Tyler doesn't reply, and he never expects them too. They gnaw on Josh's shirt, which doesn't seem to bother him one bit; he doesn't even blink an eye.

It's then though where they drop the shirt from their mouth and sit up straighter, whispering something into Josh's ear. He looks up in thought, listening thoroughly and nodding along to what they say. "Okay," he lets out, looking back at Brendon when they pull away and stick their head back into the crook of his neck. "Tyler wants to cuddle so they're asking for me to end the call."

Tyler frowns. "You weren't supposed to say why,"

Brendon exhales out of relief from hearing their voice. It's reassurance that they're not completely gone right now.

"Sorry. I meant to say that Tyler and I are totally not going to cuddle right now after I end the phone call." Josh says.

Brendon gives a small smile at that. "Okay."

"I'll text you when we're on our way." Josh then mutters, probably to avoid mentioning exactly where that is for Tyler's sake, and he understands.

"Okay. I'll talk to you soon." Brendon bites his lip. "Bye, Tyler."

Tyler simply waves again, and Josh chuckles, smiling at the camera one last time before ending the call.

Brendon lets out a deep huff, dropping his phone onto the sheets. It's then when Jim slowly crawls further up the bed until his body is pressed right against Brendon's torso, tail wagging in the slightest.

He hums. "We should go on a walk," he mutters. The idea scares him but he thinks they both just need to get out of the house right now. Get some fresh air. Stretch their legs. He doesn't know, but he's positive it will be okay. He needs to make sure Jim's leash is secure on his collar, and that he stays close so nothing terrible happens. "Do you want to go on a walk?"

Jim turns his head around to look at him, tail wagging faster.

Brendon takes that as a yes.

He gets off the bed, making sure to put his phone into his pocket, and heads downstairs with Jim following right behind him. He slips his shoes on, deciding it would be okay to leave in sweatpants and a hoodie, and afterwards, he grabs Jim's leash from off the rack at the entry and clips it onto his collar.

"I have no idea where to take you. . . But, uh, we'll just walk and, you know, go wherever the wind takes us." It sounds like a good enough idea.

Brendon gets the house key under the vase and locks the door behind him. He tugs at the doorknob a few times just to make sure it really is locked, because his paranoia gets the best of him when it comes the things like that.

It is locked, and Jim's leash is secure.

It helps ease his anxiety.

He clears his throat, turning around to face the neighborhood. It's quiet, it's peaceful, he likes it. It's calming him down not having cars rushing past or neighbors doing something idiotic.

Finally, Brendon looks down at Jim. "Let's go, buddy." He whispers, heart beating loudly as he walks out of the front yard.

***

After half an hour or so of walking, Brendon ends up finding a park. A park. Tyler and Josh live near a park? That must be great for when they walk Jim. Brendon wonders if they go here, because surely they must.

The only thing he hates about this is the amount of noise coming from the playground area, so he tries his hardest to avoid it. He instead sits down on one of the benches, deciding Jim might want to rest because they have been walking for quite a while, after all.

And, he's right. Jim instantly lays down on the grass, falling onto his back with his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

Brendon smiles.

He looks around, trying his best to ignore the way he's bouncing his foot and how his chest is moving up and down faster than normal.

He's fine. He's fine.

He's just not used to leaving the house like this, but maybe it's good for him.

Suddenly, his phone vibrates in his pocket. When pulling it out, he sees it's Josh, and he's quickly clicking on it. He expects it to be an update about them leaving, but it's actually a picture of Josh in a tuxedo. Brendon's face becomes a bit hot, because, well, Josh looks hot.

Here's me in a tux.

We're on our way to the wedding, by the way.

Brendon swallows thickly, staring at the picture for a moment before typing.

Okay. Stay safe.

You look handsome, by the way.

More than handsome, but he won't say anything further. For some reason a man dressed up so nicely has never grabbed his attention this much, but when it's Josh, and he looks like that, fuck, he's losing his mind.

Thank you baby. I'll talk to you soon.

Brendon smiles softly, nodding once and slipping his phone back into his pocket. It's then when Jim nudges in between his legs and stares up at him with warm eyes and grass stuck in his fur. Brendon chuckles, taking it all out and scratching his head afterwards.

Jim pants, and Brendon quickly realizes he didn't bring any water for him.

He frowns. "We should go home."

Yeah, they just got here, but really neither of them mind leaving. There's a reason Brendon doesn't go out if he doesn't have to, it's stressful, it's unsettling. It feels like everyone is looking at him, and the children at the playground are too loud. And, Jim has been out long enough anyways.

It was nice enough while it lasted.

Brendon stands up from the bench, making sure Jim is right next to him before beginning to make his way out of the park and to Tyler and Josh's house.

***

By the time they arrive, mail has come. He grabs it from out of the mailbox and walks up to the door, only to see a package on the ground. He picks that up as well as he can with Jim's leash in one hand and the bills and key in the other.

It reads Tyler Dun on it, so he reminds himself to tell them it's here when they come home.

Once inside, he unclips the leash from Jim's collar and watches him run straight to the couch afterwards. Brendon smiles with a small chuckle, walking into the dining room and setting everything down on the table, along with the key.

He huffs.

What does he do now?

His lips go crooked in thought, carefully making his way into the livingroom. There's many things in here that he has yet to get a good look at, like all their movies under the television, and the other family photos they have up.

He first looks at the picture frames, seeing more of Josh's family, but not Tyler's.

It makes his stomach churn.

God, he really doesn't like the way this is unfolding.

There's one of Josh and all his siblings, and another of Tyler with one of his sisters. Abby? He thinks it's Abby. She has glasses and ginger hair. Not only that, but they're smiling as wide and can be, and so is she. They have their arm around her waist, and both of them have party hats on with the number 25 on them.

Brendon sets that one down and looks at another, one with Tyler, Josh, and his parents. Once again, with huge smiles on their faces.

He can't help but smile, too.

It's not until he looks up where he sees one more, an extremely small picture frame with what can only be Tyler and their family. It's hiding behind all the other photos.

He picks it up slowly, yet instantly, his heart drops.

It's Tyler at what is presumably their wedding, their whole family smiling with their arms around one another, and Tyler in the middle. The only thing different is that they aren't smiling at all. If anything, they look almost. . . Sad. Upset? Unhappy.

Brendon swallows thickly, eyes scanning over the entirety of it.

There's two younger men around them, who he guesses are their brothers, and a younger woman, which must be their sister. Then, their parents. They're all rather tall except for their sister and mother, and Brendon finds himself pursing his lips together when noticing how alike Tyler looks to every single one of them.

For some reason, it's not anything digestible. He actually frowns.

Brendon shakes his head, placing the picture frame back down and moving away.

Instead, he sits down in front of the television and looks through all the movies. Most he hasn't seen, and others are some he watched when he was much younger. He considers watching some of them since he does have the time and it wouldn't hurt, so he begins sorting through all of them and deciding which ones grab his interest the most.

It's not until he's shuffling through the last stack where he sees one with no cover, just Wedding (4-23-15) From Josh, written on it in sharpie.

Well, that's exactly what piques his interest more than any other movie.

Tyler never wrote down how to work the DVD player but he surprisingly figures it out himself, which didn't happen quickly-- and was actually very frustrating-- but he manages, and sits back when the film begins.

At first, it's an introduction page that has a start button on it.

He clicks it, slowly moving onto the couch with Jim when it continues.

The screen is black for a moment until a video clip begins playing, showing Josh sitting outside on a deck, an ocean behind him. He's fixing the camera to get a good angle and finally leans back after it's set up, a small smile on his face. Then, his mouth begins moving, but Brendon's eyebrows pull together in confusion when he can't hear anything.

He's about to get up from the couch to figure out what's wrong, until Josh's voice fills the room. It's a narrative, he supposed.

"June fourteenth, two thousand fourteen, I made the biggest, but best decision of my life." He begins, and already, Brendon's heartbeat increases. "I proposed to the love of my life."

The next clip shown is Josh on one knee in front of Tyler, hair a muddled shade of blue, and Tyler with wide eyes.

Brendon gulps, running his hand through Jim's fur.

"In all honesty, I never really did expect you to say yes, but god, I'm so glad you did." He can hear him chuckle, and he sees Tyler's hand tremble to cover their mouth, nodding their head up and down at him on the floor. Josh stands up with the biggest smile he has ever seen from him, pulling them into a tight hug. "And I gave you everything I recorded from that day as a birthday present, and now I'm going to give you our wedding day as your birthday present this time."

Brendon thinks maybe he should turn it off. . . It's personal and he shouldn't be looking at it.

"Happy twenty-fifth birthday, babe." Josh says, the screen turning black momentarily again.

Yeah, Brendon should definitely turn it off.

He stands up to press the power button on the DVD player, but stops when Josh suddenly mutters, "Thank Jordan, Ash, and Abby for recording most of this." And the next clip comes on. It's everyone finding their seats, and Brendon sighs, sitting back down on the couch to continue watching.

The next few scenes are a time lapse with all the guests arriving and talking, and then cuts to another clip. This one is in actual time, and Brendon's eyebrows lift when seeing Josh walking down the aisle. He's not with either of his parents, just by himself, and a different song is playing instead of the classic one.

Once Josh gets to his designated spot, Tyler then comes out and walks the aisle as well, alone.

Brendon is so enthralled it's insane. He barely blinks, watching every bit of this.

Josh has his best men beside him, but Tyler's situation is a little different. They have Josh's sisters at their side, as well as their sister and their brothers.

He's not surprised, because it makes sense.

It's not until the man marrying them asks, "Tyler, do you take Josh to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health?" And Tyler replies, "I do." Where his leg starts bouncing frantically.

His throat only tightens more when the man then says, "Josh do you take Tyler to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health?" Brendon can see the way Tyler tries their hardest to not seem upset or bothered. Their Adam's apple bobs and they give the most fake smile, reassurance despite being affected terribly by that one word.

Josh's smile is real, though. So, so real. "I do."

Brendon feels sick.

"Forasmuch as the groom and groom have consented together in holy matrimony, and have pledged their love and loyalty to each other, and have declared the same by the joining and the giving of rings." Brendon holds his breath, he doesn't know why. "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband."

There's a pause, and Tyler bites their lip, again, trying to seem unbothered by the countless times they've been misgendered in that last couple of minutes.

"You may now kiss," Is then announced.

Josh pulls Tyler close and kisses them roughly, which makes Brendon's eyes widen because it's in front of their friends and family.

Tyler holds the back of his neck and kisses him harder, only to pull away and rub their noses together with a careful smile.

People cheer and clap, which reassures Brendon that maybe it isn't as big of a deal as he'd assume. The camera view pans over everyone, showing people with big grins, and even zooms in on Josh's mother who is wiping a tear away from her eye, visibly ecstatic despite that.

The next portion is the reception, and shows Tyler and Josh cutting the cake.

What takes Brendon by surprise is when he watches Josh grab a piece and shove it into Tyler's face, which they flinch at, staring at him while blinking a few times.

Tyler quickly grabs some as well and all of a sudden, Josh is getting a face full cake and frosting in return.

They both laugh, everyone does.

It's good. Brendon's pretty sure it's good.

Then, it cuts to another clip. The person he's pretty sure is Abby stands in front of the camera, smiling widely, and the person behind the camera who he can only assume is Josh's brother Jordan asks, "What do you want to say to Tyler and Josh?"

Abby's cheeks are naturally rosy; she pushes a strand of hair behind her ear. "I love you both so much! I'm so happy for you two! I've been waiting for this day for ages, and it's finally happening. I hope you'll always find happiness within one another, because it's what you deserve." She nods to herself, still smiling.

Jordan asks many people the same question, and they all say very similar things, but it's not until it gets to Tyler's family where Brendon's stomach, once again, churns.

It's Tyler's mother, he'd say, smiling, but it's not comforting.

"What do you want to say to Tyler and Josh?"

She hums. "The wedding was perfect!I'm so glad my two wonderful men are officially married." She pauses, trying to think over the loud music playing. "And to my son, Tyler, I told you that you'd find somebody. You did. Not only that, but you found an amazing somebody. Josh is lucky to have you, and you're lucky to have him. I love you guys."

Brendon does not love this.

Anxiety builds up faster than he can process the situation.

It's falling into place. Every hesitation, every terse reply, every saddened feature.

Countless things run through Brendon's head, and he doesn't know how to arrange them. He only can sit through a few more nice messages from other friends and family before he's turning it off completely when seeing Tyler's sister. He doesn't want to know. He can't.

It's too much.

He sits up, clearing his throat, and grabbing his wax pen from his bag.

Maybe he shouldn't rely on it so much to calm him down, but that is what it's here for after all, so it's okay.

He pulls a knee to his chest, taking a long drag and exhaling once it's overbearing.

Tyler said to smoke outside, and he would, but there's a difference. If he was smoking a joint or blunt, he definitely would already be out there, but with a wax pen there's no smell nor anything that would be able to damage Jim in any way, which leads him to deem this alright.

He sits there in silence, staring at nothing, just inhaling and exhaling until he decides he's had enough.

Brendon's high never comes quickly, he always has to wait. And he does. He sits there for a while and pulls Jim close after tucking his pen away. Jim wiggles around in his lap, practically begging for his stomach to be rubbed, and Brendon follows through.

The longer they sit there, the softer Jim's fur begins to feel.

Brendon throws his head back, smiling. "Fuck." He whispers.

He finds himself only ever getting high now if he wants to forget something. If we wants to forget about his anxiety? He gets high. If he wants to forget about what happened between him and Luke? He gets high.

If he wants to not panic over Tyler's family life? He gets high.

It's not such a bad thing. Yes, there's much better ways to solve his problem, but this is his way, and he's okay with that.

When he's high, he doesn't think about all the negatives-- usually. His mind finds more interesting things to think about, like how good it feels to curl his toes into the rug, or how unusually soft Jim's fur actually is. Even simple things like running his fingers over his skin is an entrancing sensation.

Brendon decides to put something else into the DVD player to watch, to distract himself even more.

He settles for a movie he's never seen, turning all the lights off and grabbing a bag of chips from the kitchen that he found, curling up on the couch and putting all his focus into the screen. Jim's at his side, trying to eat every single dorito he pulls out, but this time, Brendon doesn't allow it.

***

It's not until he's halfway through his second movie, still mildly high, where his phone vibrates in his pocket. He pulls it out with furrowed brows when seeing Josh is calling.

Then, his eyes widen a bit when realizing it's already five.

What the fuck? Maybe he really did get distracted.

Is the wedding already over?

Brendon has too many questions when he's high.

Nonetheless, he presses the answer button and pulls his phone to his ear, other hand running through Jim's coat distractedly. "Hello?" He questions, more than confused.

"Brendon, we're coming home." Josh says, sighing.

Brendon blinks. "What? Isn't. . . What?"

He can hear Josh grumble. "Tyler, put your fucking seat belt on!" Brendon's eyes widen at the sudden raised voice. He can hear Tyler laugh in response, and Brendon is really confused. "We're going to the hotel to get our stuff and are coming home. We'll be there in an hour and a half or so."

"Josh, I-I don't understand, what? Aren't-- is the wedding over?"

Josh exhales heavily. "I'll just talk to you when I'm home, yeah?"

Brendon pauses. He's still not fully there, but this is definitely sobering him up. "Okay. . . I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah. I'll see you soon." He ends the phone call abruptly after that, making Brendon sit there numbly wondering what the fuck is going on.

This can't be good.

He only feels on edge again, but luckily the high is still there, guiding him through this. He slumps further into the couch, breathing, trying to steady himself before clickling the play button to watch the rest of the movie. He needs to get his mind off this somehow.

***

Brendon's movie ends, leaving him to sigh and look at his phone for the time, which is at five-fifty. Five-fifty is when his high is completely gone and all that's left is the exhaustion that comes with it, and sobriety. Five-fifty is when Brendon makes his way into the kitchen and can feel his heart drop remembering he never fed Jim lunch.

"Shit," he whispers. "Jim!" He calls quickly, watching the dog trot in with his tail wagging.

Brendon dumps two cups of food into the bowl, shaking his head at himself for being so stupid. He got too distracted and overwhelmed to do such an important thing. How could he-- oh.

Oh. . .

It suddenly hits him that it's exactly what he always does, with himself, at least.

He gulps, standing up straight again. He would eat now too, but that bag of chips is holding him over, so he's fine. He is, really. He just doesn't want to make himself sick from eating too much, because by now he knows what he can and can't handle.

Brendon decides to put on another movie to make the time pass. It's actually nice to relax like this and watch stuff he's never seen before. Hear jokes he's never heard before and finally understand quotes people throw around about specific movies.

He likes it.

He really needs a TV.

After Jim finishes eating, he comes back into the livingroom and snuggles into Brendon's side. He blames it all on the comfort of that, and the weed, because he somehow manages to fall asleep in less than twenty minutes.

He'll have to watch the movie some other time.

***

Brendon jumps awake when he hears loud knocking at the door, which puts him in a frantic state instantly. He gets off the couch as fast as he can and rushes the door, opening it knowing full-well the only people it could be at this time is Josh and Tyler.

He's proven right when he does.

Josh doesn't greet him with a smile like usual, he actually looks quite pissed off, which makes Brendon's throat tighten. Not only that, but he's holding Tyler up by their belt loop and the back of their blazer.

Tyler smiles. "Hi."

Josh shakes his head, stomping into the house and practically carrying them into the livingroom because they can barely walk. Brendon watches them trip over their own feet, clutching onto Josh for support.

He bites his lip, closing the door and following them.

Jim jumps and wags his tail happily at the sight of his owners, ecstatic that they're back home. Josh pats his head absentmindedly, but quickly after, he's helping Tyler get their shoes off.

Tyler. . . Tyler's a mess.

They run their fingers through Josh's hair, humming to themself and swaying their body side to side.

"Tyler, fucking sit still, please." Josh grumbles.

Tyler groans in protest but listens, falling slump against the couch and puffs out a breath, staring at the ceiling. It's not until then when Brendon notices the huge stain of what can only be vomit right on their button up and even some on their blazer.

Josh finally gets their other dress shoe off and stands up, about to leave the room, but not before saying, "Stay there."

He makes his way into the kitchen, and reluctantly, Brendon follows, deciding Tyler should be okay with Jim.

When he walks in, Josh is grabbing a cup and pouring water into it.

Brendon's heart beats harshly in his chest. He carefully moves behind Josh and pulls him into a hug, running his hand up and down his pec and pressing a small kiss to the nape of his neck.

"What happened," he mutters.

Josh pauses, sighing.

He turns around in Brendon's embrace and stares at him, shaking his head. There's this sincere look in his eyes that's evidently indicating he's not simply pissed, but upset in other ways as well. It hurts Brendon to see. It hurts Brendon to see any of this.

"Fuck their family." Josh whispers.

Brendon's brows pull together, a small frown on his face.

He knew it.

"What about them?" He asks, just to make it clear to himself because everything is still a little fuzzy.

Josh closes his eyes, leaning on Brendon's shoulder. "They're what pushed them to get so fucked up. Just-just look at them, Bren. They can't even walk on their own right now because they're that god damn plastered."

Brendon bites his cheeks, soothing his hand through his hair. "How did they get drunk? Weren't. . . Weren't you looking over them?"

Josh laughs bitterly. "They went to the bar when I was in the bathroom and kept sneaking vodka into their soda."

Brendon's eyes widen.

Josh pulls away. "Not only that but they somehow managed to bring some on the ride home and drank so much it made them puke." He looks downwards, almost like he's upset with himself more than anyone else. "I thought it was fucking water. I'm so stupid."

Brendon's heart is in his throat. He shakes his head, pushing a curl out of Josh's forehead and kissing that area.

"It's not your fault." He states.

Josh still doesn't meet his eyes. He exhales, looking ashamed. . . Like he's keeping something from him. "Yeah." He mumbles, turning back around to grab the cup of water and swallowing thickly. "I need to give this to them." He then says, so Brendon lets go of him and follows his lead back into the livingroom.

Surprisingly, Tyler didn't move from the couch. They're still in the same exact place.

Josh hands them the glass of water. "Drink."

Tyler blinks a few times, finally grabbing the cup. They look down at themself holding it, eyes widening and brows pulling together. "What the fuck?" They utter, slurring horribly.

Josh stares down at them. "What?"

Tyler pinches their button up. "There's throw up on my shirt. . ."

Josh sighs, rolling his eyes. "You threw up on yourself, Tyler."

Tyler seems surprised by that. They look up at Josh, sticking their glass out. "Hold this,"

"Why?"

"I don't want my shirt on." They state, shoving their cup into Josh's hands which causes some water to fall to the floor. Josh exhales roughly but nonetheless complies, he and Brendon watching them clumsily trying to take off their blazer, which they manage to do, and it's absolutely silent and miserable watching them unbutton every single space on their top. They can barely comprehend how to do it, their drunk state of mind causing this to take much longer than necessary.

Once they finally, finally, get it off, Josh tries to hand the cup of water back to them, but Tyler only uses his shoulder to help themself stand up on the couch, knees wobbling horribly when they do it.

"What are you--"

"Remember when Zack mentioned his two wonderful brothers in front everybody," They mutter, still holding onto Josh's shoulders for support because they're far too gone to stand straight on their own.

Josh Adam's apple bobs while he nods.

Tyler laughs at the thought, loudly, practically manically and it makes Brendon's stomach churn.

"Everyone looked at me and you know what I wan'ed to do?" They question, smiling to themself.

"Hmm?" Josh asks, scared.

Tyler lets go of his shoulders, stumbling a bit but does gain enough balance to stand straight by themself, hand quickly unzipping and unbuttoning their slacks. They bloom at their hips, and their fingers move into their underwear. "To suck my fucking--"

Josh's eyes widen, pulling their hand out of their briefs. "Tyler! Stop. Sit down and drink some water."

Brendon's eyes are just as wide as his, heart slamming against his chest anxiously.

"No!" They shout, then laugh while biting their lip.

"Tyler, seriously. I'm not joking."

They frown. "Why are you being so mean to me." They whine, making grabby hands at him.

"Drink your water and we'll shower." Josh dismisses what they say easily.

That seems to pique Tyler's interest, but definitely not in the way Josh intends. "Please." They smile, leaning on him once again and kissing all over his neck sloppily. It's not until they start sucking when Josh pulls them off of him, sitting them down.

"No, Tyler. Not like that." He sighs for what seems like the hundredth time that night. "You need to shower. You threw up on yourself and smell like alcohol."

Tyler moans in distress, especially when Josh realizes they're not going to drink the water on their own so he pushes the cup to their lips and tries to do it for them. "Drink." He orders, and they slowly comply, opening their mouth and drinking as well as they can in this odd position.

Brendon feels frozen, like an over viewer. Maybe he shouldn't be invading this much.

"Brendon, can you go upstairs and start the shower?" Josh asks, wiping off the water dripping on Tyler's face.

He nods. "Okay." He says, quickly making his way upstairs and into the bathroom, turning the knobs and making sure it's at a decent enough temperature. He stands back after that, tired, overwhelmed, and sympathetic. It's a horrible mix and really, Brendon just wants to go to bed and forget about all of it, but he knows the right thing to do is help Josh with this, because he's struggling as well.

Soon, he hears heavy steps making their way up the stairs, and when he leaves the bathroom he can see that Josh has Tyler over his shoulder, holding them tightly so they won't fall, and struggling to carry all their weight.

He manages of course, sitting them down on the toilet lid once walking into the bathroom.

"Help them get their pants and socks off while I go and get our clothes, yeah?" Josh asks softly, running a hand through his hair.

Brendon knows it's not the time, but he really does look good in that tux.

He clears his throat. "Yeah."

Josh nods, shuffling past and leaving him and Tyler to themselves.

It's almost uncomfortable to be alone with Tyler right now. They look up at him with no shirt and a drunk smirk, making his stomach twist. He bites his lip, slowly moving onto the floor to help them out of their pants. "Lift your hips." he mutters once he has a hold on their waistband.

Tyler doesn't. Instead, they wrap their arms around him and pull him against their stomach. "Missed you," they whisper.

Brendon lets go of their pants reluctantly, slowly holding them back. "I missed you too, Ty."

He wants to get this over with; get them undressed and into the shower so all three of them can head to bed already, because he's sure it's been an extremely long day for both of them. Nonetheless, he continues holding them; if it's what they want right now, he's willing to give it to them.

Though, quite suddenly he can feel Tyler still.

"I don't feel good." They rush out.

Brendon quickly pulls away. "Are you going to throw up?" He asks nervously.

They blink a few times, and it's almost like Brendon can see the nausea hit them. In a frantic manner, they nod, and Brendon moves out of the way so they have the space to themself.

In just seconds, Tyler's bent over the toilet, pulling the lid up and letting it all out. Brendon winces at the sound, carefully rubbing circles into their back to soothe them in any way.

Their entire body trembles while it happens, and Josh comes back into the room muttering, "Shit," underneath his breath. He lays the clothes down onto the counter and crouches down beside them. "Are you okay, baby?" He wonders softly, resting a hand at their tailbone.

Tyler slowly pulls away, wiping their mouth. They groan. "Yeah."

"Are you ready to shower?" Josh brushes their hair back, flushing the toilet.

Tyler nods.

Josh does as well, looking back up at Brendon. "We'll be out in just a bit." He mutters, and Brendon understands. He takes his hand off Tyler's back and makes his way out of the bathroom, sighing heavily.

Jim is right outside the door too, snout resting atop his paws, emitting small whimpers at the lack of attention he was getting after all this time of not getting to see Tyler and Josh.

Brendon carefully sits down as well, running his fingers through his coat.

Him and Jim spend the next fifteen minutes or so just sitting there, waiting for Josh and Tyler to finish their shower. Throughout that time he can hear Josh say things like, "Tyler, stop facing the wall," or, "Tyler, get off the floor." And Tyler babbled a lot, talking about random things on their mind, and all around being a huge pain in the ass.

When the shower finally turns off, after a moment, Josh cusses to himself again and slowly cracks the door open.

Brendon looks up at him. "Get us towels, please? They're in the hall closet right here."

Brendon nods in return, trying not to peek because he knows he shouldn't, and he's not sure he wants to, but for some reason that's rather difficult when the person you're attracted to is completely naked and you know it.

He clears his throat, getting up from the floor and opening the hall closet, grabbing two towels.

He hands them to Josh in the small space, watching the way water drips off the ends of his hair. "Thank you." He mutters, closing the door.

Brendon exhales heavily, nodding to no one other than himself. He leans against the wall beside the bathroom and waits, listening to every mumble and sound of protest from each of them. He feels nearly disgusted with himself for being so invasive, but he's only staying close for his own comfort and reassurance. No matter how fucked up Tyler is right now, or how hastily Josh is moving around, he missed them both dearly.

Soon enough, or maybe not soon enough, Tyler and Josh come out of the bathroom. Josh put them in a pair of briefs and an extremely large red shirt that goes to their mid-thigh, wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a long sleeved shirt himself.

God, they both look so good.

Brendon shakes his head quickly at the thought. That's the last thing he should be thinking about right now.

"Can you walk down the stairs by yourself, Ty?" Josh asks, hand at their hip.

"Of course I can," they mutter, so Josh lets go, and he definitely shouldn't have. They take a few steps forward to get near the stairs and already, they stumble, which leaves Brendon's eyes to widen and arms to instinctively catch them before they fall.

Josh shakes his head. "Yeah, okay. I'm carrying you again."

Tyler whines. "I don't need to be carried!"

Josh doesn't listen, because he knows it's not true. He carefully holds them by their legs and brings them over his shoulder again, beginning to walk down the stairs, Brendon right behind him.

Embarrassingly, his cheeks start to flush when looking up, realizing Tyler's ass is right in his face. Still, their briefs don't hide much at all, and it isn't helping the tightness of his throat.

"Why are we going downstairs? I want to sleep." Tyler moans in distress.

"You're sleeping on the couch. I don't want you puking on our bed." Josh mutters, finally making it to the bottom of the stairs after some struggle.

He helps them onto the corner of the couch and says to stay there, which at this point, it doesn't look like Tyler will be moving any time soon, so it's fine. Jim crawls into their lap and they mindlessly start running their fingers through his fur, beginning to ramble about random shit again.

Josh turns around to look at Brendon, eyebrows furrowing. "What's got you so flustered?"

Brendon only blushes more at the thought.

He shakes his head. "Nothing."

Josh knows it's not nothing, but he doesn't comment on it, just grabbing his hand and leading him back up the stairs to the hall closet. "Help me get pillows and a blanket or two." He says, never waiting for a response, simply giving Brendon a couple of pillows and grabbing blankets himself.

They head back down and set up a small bed on the couch for Tyler, tucking a sheet over the cushions and then resting blankets and pillows on top of it.

Josh leaves the room for a moment, coming back with a trash bin that has a plastic bag in it. He places it beside the couch.

He turns to Tyler, pointing. "Use this if you need to throw up. Don't try to go to the bathroom, you won't make it." Tyler says nothing in return, only blinking, so Josh speaks up. "Do you understand me?"

Tyler rolls their eyes. "Yes."

"Good." He mutters beneath his breath.

"I need to piss." Tyler then blurts out, loudly.

Josh sighs, holding his hand out for them to grab onto, and the worst part of it all is that Tyler's depth of perception is so unbelievably bad right now that they miss it, hand swatting around it opposed to grabbing ahold of it. Josh has to grab their hand himself and help them up, once again leading them.

Brendon swallows thickly, slowly sitting down on the part of the couch that isn't made when he hears the bathroom door close.

Jim licks his cheek, craving attention and recieving it from him as always.

Brendon jumps a bit though when he hears the toilet lid hit the porcelain, and then Josh yell, "Tyler! Hold on!"

He slumps further into the couch, Adam's apple bobbing. He distracts himself by focusing on Jim, and not so much Josh's constant demands and shouts. He's not used to him being very commanding, but he's also never seen him in a situation this stressful. All he can do really is exactly that; take control of the situation because no one else will.

After an unreasonably long time, the two of them finally come back into the livingroom, and Josh helps Tyler get comfortable on the makeshift bed.

"You need to rest, babe." He mumbles, sitting on the space they aren't taking up.

Tyler looks exhausted. They hold onto the hand Josh is using to rub his thumb over their cheekbone. "I'm tired," They whisper, nearly sounding sober, but Brendon knows they're definitely nowhere near sobriety.

"Want us to stay in here with you until you fall asleep?" Josh asks. He's a lot more gentle than he was moments before.

Maybe he has decided being so grueling wasn't doing him any good.

Tyler hums. "I'm not a baby."

"You keep telling yourself that." Josh utters, standing up after pressing a kiss to their temple and instead moving to sit beside Brendon. He lays his head onto his shoulder and rests a hand on his lap. Brendon knows the one thing Josh most likely wants more than anything else right now is comfort, so he moves his hand to connect with his, free arm wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him close.

He kisses the curls in his hair, fingers slowly running through it.

"I missed you," Josh says quietly.

"I'm positive I missed you most." Brendon replies, squeezing his hand.

They watch Tyler turn onto their side, pulling the covers up higher, closing their eyes. There's no doubt in Brendon's mind that it won't take long for them to fall asleep.

He and Josh spend the time not talking, but touching. Speaking through their body. Comfort at their fingertips and solace in their blood. Jim cuddles into Brendon's side, resting his head right on top of his and Josh's connected hands.

This is nice.

Josh's hands manage to be big, but delicate. They're nearly the exact opposite from Tyler's, yet he loves them both. It's a good opposition, one he can find welcoming no matter what. He feels his heart flutter just thinking about how good Josh is, in every way. Something as simple as the way their hands mold together has him lightheaded, and maybe that's beautiful, or maybe it's embarrassing. He can't tell.

He watches Tyler's lips part in the slightest, glossed over by saliva, eyelashes careful on their cheekbones.

Them and Josh are both perfect.

Despite whatever has happened tonight, he knows they are. Perfection revolves around the lack of flaws one has, but to Brendon, that's wrong. He sees flaws, and they become consolation. He watches the way Tyler is fucked up, and how Josh can't keep his cool, and Brendon sees the sides he was missing. One that makes him feel less alienated from the beauty. No one can live correctly even if they tried, yet Brendon catches himself feeling that way often, so seeing this is comforting in it's own sick way.

Brendon isn't perfect, it's no secret. He worries too much about never being good enough, and he forgets that they both are just human. Understanding him, showing compassion, it comes easily. He shouldn't be scared.

Somehow, tonight has showed him that.

"They're asleep." Josh mutters, pulling him away from his thoughts.

"Okay. . . Uh, what now?"

"Sleep with me. They'll be okay down here." Josh says, no longer resting his head on Brendon's shoulder but instead is looking at him directly.

Brendon nods, he and Josh standing up from the couch. Josh puts Jim in his kennel-- which makes the dog whimper but nonetheless he gets comfortable and lays down-- and then makes sure to turn all the lights off before heading upstairs.

Brendon closes the door behind them once they make it into the bedroom. It's not until he turns back around where Josh pulls him into such a tight hug he loses his breath.

Brendon's eyes widen a bit, carefully wrapping his arms around him. He can feel how fast Josh's heart is beating, which makes him frown, holding his head from where it's tucked into his chest.

It's fine this way, but not when he can hear a loud sob rip from Josh's throat.

Brendon's brows pull together, hand rubbing up and down his back in his best attempt to soothe him. "Josh, what's wrong?"

Josh shakes his head, crying harder and gripping onto the hoodie-- his own hoodie-- Brendon's wearing.

He gulps. "It's okay, it's okay." It's always okay. He would know best.

"It's-it's been such a bad," A gasp for breath, another tear. "Day."

Brendon exhales heavily, rubbing his nose against his forehead. "They come and go, you can't let it get to you so much. Tomorrow will be better. It always is."

Josh shakes his head once again. "It's getting to me because it's not even-even. . ." He pauses, whimpering at the thought. "It wasn't just their family that made them want to-to-to get fucked up, Brendon. . . It," He wipes his tears on Brendon's shoulder. "It was me."

Brendon feels frozen. "What?"

Josh sniffles, pulling away. He slowly sits down on the bed and pulls a knee to his chest.

Brendon sits down beside him, biting his lip nervously.

"Tyler told me. . . That--" he chokes up immediately at the thought, slapping a hand over his mouth momentarily. "When we were driving home they told me that they can't stand it when I call them my. . . My husband. They said it makes them feel disgusting." Brendon watches a tear roll down his cheek, and he's pretty sure he can feel his heart drop. "I feel so fucking gross. I-I just-- I did this. I've made them feel like shit. I'm one of the reasons they got so plastered today. . ."

Brendon carefully touches his thigh, pulse frantic. "Did you. . . Did you ever ask them in advance if it made them uncomfortable to be called that? 'Cause, uh, you-you know, it's definitely more. . ."

"Masculine. Yeah." Josh lays his forehead onto his knee, sniffling again. "So many times, Brendon. I've asked them so many times. Everytime they say it's okay, that it doesn't bother them." He pulls at the sleeves of his shirt. "I-I should have known better. I'm shitty. Of course that makes them uncomfortable-- what husband have you ever seen that isn't a man? Shitty. I'm shitty."

Brendon hates this. It reminds him of himself.

"Josh, how could you have known? You can't blame yourself for something they never admitted." He runs a hand through his hair, moving it out of his face.

"Brendon they're my. . . I've been with them for so long, I should have known." Josh groans. "We tell each other everything! I-I don't understand why they didn't tell me. Do they not think I'm going to help them with this? Respect them? I always do, why wouldn't I?"

Brendon feels guilty.

He knew. He's known.

"Josh, can I tell you something?" He asks quietly, hand touching his.

"Always." He mumbles, looking at him.

Brendon nods, digging his canine tooth into his cheek for a moment. "When, uh, when they stayed with me at my mom's, I asked them about it and they. . . They told me." As soon as he says it, Josh's eyes widen a bit, brows furrowing.

"You knew?" He whispers.

A lump grows in his throat instantaneously. "They told me not to tell you because they, um, they wanted to tell you when they were ready. We promised each other." He mutters, guilt swallowing him whole.

Josh frowns, a silent tear falling off the bridge of his nose. "Did-did they say why they haven't told me?"

Brendon's nearly surprised he isn't mad that he knew.

He clears his throat, slowly connecting hands with him again. "They said it's easier for you to say husband, for whoever you're talking to. They, uh, said it's already hard enough and they don't want to put any more pressure on you." He breathes, rubbing his thumb against his skin. "I. . . I tried to tell them that it doesn't matter because they deserve to feel comfortable, but they didn't listen. They said they could deal with it."

Josh shakes his head. "Of course they can't deal with it. No one can." He grips Brendon's hand tightly, whimpering another time. "I've been misgendering them for almost three years. Their own husband. I. . . No one can or should go through that."

Brendon sighs. "Talk to them about it. Tomorrow or something."

Josh nods, using their connected hands to wipe whatever tears are left.

"I try so hard to make them feel comfortable. I just want them to know they can trust me with anything and I thought they did. I don't understand." He curls his toes, and Brendon stares at his chipping yellow nail polish. "It's not like them."

"Sometimes things are too scary to face. I don't blame them. . . I would have probably done the same thing if I was in their shoes, which isn't good, but it's true."

Josh pushes out a breath in defeat, nonetheless nodding.

There's a pause before Josh says, "Brendon, we're lucky to have you."

Brendon's cheeks flush slightly. "It's not true. I'm the lucky one."

Josh blinks a few times, tilting his head. His eyes are like a warm cup of coffee; something he craves, maybe even an addiction. Josh and Tyler are an addiction on their own, it seems. Brendon can never get enough of them no matter how much he tries. He isn't willing to give them up either, not when he can see the subtly of Josh's freckles, and how he has a hole in the center beneath his lips.

Wait, what?

"There's a hole in your lip," he blurts out.

Josh quickly chuckles at that. "Yeah." He says with a small smile. "I had it pierced once upon a time."

Brendon hums. "Why'd you take it out?"

Josh scoots up closer to Brendon, pretty much into his lap. "Can I be completely honest?"

Brendon's a bit weary, but still nods.

"It makes sucking dick and eating ass a lot harder." He mumbles, untangling their fingers together and instead wrapping his arms around Brendon's neck.

Brendon's Adam's apple bobs. "Oh. . ."

"Sorry. That's gross, isn't it." He huffs, resting his chin onto Brendon's shoulder. "I got it my junior year of high school. I wasn't doing any of those things yet. I think it suited me, though. I liked it."

Brendon nods, dismissing the majority of what he just admitted. "I bet it did. If anyone can pull it off, it'd be you."

Josh laughs in his ear. Brendon's glad he's feeling better. "I looked pretty hot, too."

Brendon smiles carefully. "Definitely. Wish I could have seen it."

Josh pulls away to look at him after that, smirking with dried tears on his cheeks. "Sorry, this hole is closed."

Brendon blinks. "Was that. . ." His heart skips a beat.

Josh snickers, brushing his hair back. "Yeah." He says easily, thighs bracketing around Brendon's. "I meant that my lip hole is, but also, if we're being honest here, that's the only hole of mine that's closed." He says it, and Brendon's trying his damn hardest not to let anxiety get the best of him.

"Josh," he breathes out, blush deepening.

Josh smiles, a blush on his cheeks as well. It's pretty. He's pretty.

Brendon bites his lip, hand trembling to his jaw. "Can I kiss you?" He whispers, and even he's surprised by himself.

Josh's grin widens. "Please."

Brendon's heart stutters. He places his other hand to the dip right above Josh's ass, pulling him close by his jaw until their lips meet. He can feel the coldness of his nose piercing, making him shiver a bit while they mold together. Just like Tyler, too, Josh sucks on his lip, humming into it. He's so warm, so well-needed.

"Fuck," Brendon croaks out against him.

"You taste like doritos." Josh whispers before kissing him again. It's a lot more determined than before, a lot more needy. He's breathing him in and out, running his tongue over Brendon's bottom lip before nibbling at it.

Brendon pulls away at that, the thought of kissing with tongue scaring him no matter how childish it sounds.

Josh seems to understand though. He simply smiles again, leaning his head onto Brendon's shoulder and pressing his lips to his neck momentarily.

Brendon exhales, blinking a few times while running his hand through the back of his head to fiddle with all of his curls.

"Tyler was right." Josh whispers.

"About what?" His cheeks are still pink.

"You really are a good kisser." He mutters, rubbing his nose in circles on his hoodie and breathing him in.

Brendon chuckles, shaking his head. "We should go to bed."

Josh hums. "Okay. But you have to hold me from behind and kiss my neck a few times, you know, to make me feel good." He chuckles to himself. "Because I'm not sure I can sleep tonight without it. Need to remind myself I have you. Need you to remind me."

Brendon's heart swells, it's no surprise. "You always have me, baby."

Josh holds him tighter, snuggling further into his neck. "Please call me baby again. That's something I can get used to."

"I think you're rubbing off on me too much." Brendon mumbles in return, throat tight.

"That isn't such a bad thing. Especially if I get called sweet names." There's a pause. "Tyler doesn't feel completely comfortable using pet names for me or anyone we're seeing, most of the time. If they do call me something, it's nice." He runs his fingers through the hair on the nape of Brendon's neck. "They say it usually feels forced, so they don't do it, but when it feels right they will. It definitely makes me fucking lose my mind. It's hot. Cute. Whatever. All of the above."

Brendon instantly thinks about the day he and Luke had their falling out, how Tyler called him baby. He didn't think it was particularly special at the time or needed, but now he feels. . . He doesn't know.

"I'll call you baby. If it doesn't feel forced." Brendon decides.

Josh hums. "I like that. And babe. And love. And other nice things."

Brendon nods. "You got it."

There's temporary silence. That's before Josh suddenly pulls away and looks down at him, brows pulling together. "Do you. . . Are you comfortable when I call you those things too? If not, you can tell me. I do it a lot."

Brendon swallows thickly. "No, I like it. Yeah. A lot."

Josh smiles. "Good. Because you are my baby."

"And you're mine." Brendon can't help but flush again. 

Josh kisses the tip of his nose, then the corner of his lips. "Let's go to bed, baby. I'm tired." He smiles so cheekily while he says it, which makes Brendon feel almost giddy as well.

"Okay, baby." He declares.

Josh winds up getting out of Brendon's lap and turns the light off, but the TV on. Again, low, so it won't be disruptive, just comforting.

They slowly cuddle up in bed together, Brendon moving behind Josh and holding him tightly, kissing the back of his neck a few times like he asked, and Josh sighs in content. It's very obvious to both of them that someone is clearly missing, but for now they're more than enough for each other, as long as they make sure solace is between them.

Which, it is.

"Goodnight, angel." Josh whispers.

Brendon groans against him, face still hot beyond belief. "God, maybe this was a mistake." He mutters.

"Definitely not." You can hear the mischevious tone in his voice.

Brendon dismisses this. "Goodnight."

He never adds anything afterwards, but that's okay. He needs to take these kind of things slow, and he knows Josh will understand. He always does.

***

Happy New Year! Hoping 2019 treats us all well.

Here's a super, super cute drawing ElliotIsGayImElliot did of Tyler. I love it with all of my heart and I'm sure you will too.