Carina left Brendon's apartment when he did. She hugged him tight and reminded him that he's free to contact her at any time, especially if something goes wrong. Which, she followed up by saying won't happen.

He believes her.

It was very upsetting having to go from his safe place to a place where he lacks exactly that.

Truthfully, it feels like work continues to get more and more dreadful with each day passing, to the point where he starts to wonder what his life would be like if he didn't choose this career path. He always thought he would be an entrepreneur considering social interaction isn't his forté, and he assumed with an office job like this, there wouldn't be very much of that so it would be okay.

Fuck, was he wrong.

This is worse than anything else; feeling as though the entire building is against him at this point, with the exception of Ryan and Ryland.

The reason he didn't go off to do anything on his own is because he's absolutely terrible at time management. And he also has never had an outstanding passion or talent, so he wouldn't even know where to begin.

It's a fun thought, though.

For now, there's no living in that fatansy world because he sits down knowing this is his reality, and it always will be. A reality where he never feels secure wherever he walks in this building, a reality where he finds the most comfort knowing he's leaving to his apartment soon compared to going to lunch.

It's sad, really.

Luckily though, despite how little they actually see one another, Ryan and Ryland make the experience a little more bearable. They're nice, and they're fun to be around.

He needs more people like them in his life. People that make everything feel casual and not so stressful.

Because of this, Brendon has gained a lot of appreciation for them.

It would be better if he and Debby could forget their past together so he'd be able to hangout with them more often than he does, but he knows that's very unlikely to happen, sadly. He wants nothing more than for things to just be okay.

It's not that simple, yet, it never hurts to dream.

Or Brendon is desperate.

Either way, it helps get his mind off the uncertainty that lingers and makes it slightly more tolerable to sit here and work for these next few hours.

***

Brendon brought the macaroni and cheese he made the other night to eat for lunch today, and after pulling it out of the microwave and turning around once being heated, he happens to bump into Luke. Their shoulders hit one another harshly, so harshly that Brendon nearly trips because he loses his balance.

Carefully, and painfully, he looks at Luke in shame.

A sudden ounce of fear courses throughout his body, and just from Luke's stare alone, he feels like he might throw up.

Oh no, oh no.

It's not until he notices a sudden warmth on his stomach where he glances down at himself and realizes they bumped into each other so hard that some of his food fell onto his top.

Fuck.

He's frozen in shock, not sure whether to clean himself off or apologize.

He decides to choose the latter, eyes wide and face flushed. "Sorry," he rushes out, looking back and forth between Luke and his top.

Of course this would happen to him. Of course.

Luke continues to stare at him. Depicting every little thing that happened to make it clear in his head. He probably is thinking this is exactly what he deserves, and at this point, Brendon can't help but feel the same way.

After a horribly long moment of staring, he ends up saying nothing, only walking right past Brendon to put his own food inside of the microwave, completely disregarding the entire situation because neither of them are willing to push past the tension.

Brendon is so embarrassed.

He carefully picks the noodles off of his button up and frowns. There's a huge yellowish-orange stain right on his white piece of clothing, and really, there's no possible way he would be able to get it out. It's that bad.

Nonetheless he sits down, heart in his throat and body burning hot.

He doesn't even want to eat anymore.

He's upset.

Coworkers stare because of the situation, examining Luke's expression and the mess they've made.

At this point, it's childish how much they find interest in something they're completely unaware of. If he wasn't so insecure and considerate, he would say something. He would tell them that they have no right sticking their nose into his business when it has nothing to do with them. They know so little while he knows so much.

Brendon doesn't have that kind of courage, though.

He most likely never will.

He leans further into his seat and only takes a few bites of his food, stomach churning from how humiliated he is.

Brendon can't help but think it's an ongoing feeling. There's never been a moment in his life where he has felt as though he is superior to anyone, because he has only ever been looked down upon. Will there be a day where he can stand strong and hold pride? He has no idea.

He's lost faith in himself; he did a long time ago.

Nothing that has happened recently helped with this. If anything, its only enhanced the hopelessness.

***

Brendon spent the entire rest of his time at work making sure no one saw the stain on his button up, which is seemingly difficult considering everyone always has their eyes on him now. Having painted nails and a large stain on his top wasn't helping with that, either.

He makes sure that before leaving the parking lot to Josh and Tyler's house, he changes his shirt in the car. He had this nagging fear someone would see him so he did it as quickly as possible, changing into something he brought in his packed bag.

It looks a little strange wearing a t-shirt and slacks opposed to something more acceptable, but he ignores it.

Finally, once the shame subsided and he could finally stop feeling the heaviness in his chest, he makes his way to Josh and Tyler's house. By the time he gets there, his heart is in his throat. The sun would be setting soon enough and he almost feels bad because they have had to wait this long to leave, and will be driving in the dark, yet he knows there wasn't much else they could do.

After parking, he slings his bag over his shoulder before locking the car.

Walking up to their door never gets easier. He always feels awkward standing there and waiting; he always feel inconvenient even though this time around he has been asked to stay.

When ringing the doorbell, a lump begins to form in his throat.

Brendon can't believe it's really happening. He has no idea how this will go. . . Being alone all weekend.

The thought terrifies him, for multiple reasons.

Brendon knows the whole point of him staying is to make sure Jim gets everything he needs throughout the few days they're gone, but it's such a big thing for someone to do, and while he does feel honored that they asked him out of all people-- despite not really having anyone else who would be willing to do it-- it's making him so unbelievably anxious. If anything happens, it's his fault. If anything happens, it will most likely ruin their entire relationship.

He doesn't want to lose that.

After an unbearably long time of Jim barking, Josh finally opens the door with a small smile. "Hey," he says, moving away to make room. "Come in."

Brendon nods, walking inside. Carefully, he sets his bag down onto the couch and takes off his shoes, patting Jim's head when he wouldn't stop jumping beside him. He laughs, scratching just under his chin. "I missed you too, buddy." He mutters before standing up straight to look at Josh.

His stomach is churning horribly, but he tries his best to ignore it.

"I think he knows we're leaving," Josh frowns, arms crossed. "He cried the whole time we packed."

Brendon hums. "You need to give him a lot of loving before you leave." He declares. Then, he scratches his scruff awkwardly. "And me too."

Josh grins widely at that, pulling him close and kissing his cheek. "You don't have to tell me twice." He whispers, holding him tightly.

Brendon closes his eyes, breathing him in.

He needs this.

He missed this.

"It's going to suck with you and Tyler leaving." Brendon comments. "It's going to be lonely. And I'm clingy. I want you and them around all the time." At this point, it's getting easier to express his thoughts and not worry so much about it, because the honesty Josh and Tyler have is reassuring him completely.

"If it makes you feel any better, both of us would rather be here with you." Josh says, slowly pulling away from him.

His heart skips a beat, for a few reasons.

"It'll be okay." Brendon decides.

Josh blinks. "It'll be okay." He repeats; he's not the only one who needs to hear it.

Brendon nods after that, looking around momentarily. He clears his throat. "Where's Tyler?"

"Bedroom."

As a mutual agreement, the two of them make their way upstairs and into the room. Coming in, Tyler's spread out on the bed like a starfish, not moving, and rarely blinking, just staring at the ceiling with no expression whatsoever.

No one says a thing, because it seems like they don't have to. Tyler turns their head to look at them and carefully reaches their hands out, Brendon and Josh grabbing ahold of one and silently, Tyler pulls them both down onto the bed. Josh ends up behind them, and Brendon ends up holding them to his chest. Tyler wraps their arms around his waist and presses their face into his pec, breathing heavily.

Josh kisses the back of their neck. "We have to get going," He mutters.

Tyler says nothing.

Josh sighs, but doesn't push. Tyler might just need some time right now.

Brendon thinks about it more thoroughly, and yeah, Tyler definitely needs some time right now.

Josh pulls them close enough to where he and Brendon are nearly face-to-face, the only thing keeping them separated being the body curled up between them.

Brendon looks to Josh, and Josh looks at him.

Maybe this whole situation is worse than he thought.

Tyler has never been so docile. It's almost as if he were to touch them, they would break. The thought makes his heart ache.

Delicately, he leans down to press a kiss to their forehead, resting his cheek on their head afterwards and running his thumb across their chin. He can feel every little hair from their stubble growing in under his fingertips. It's gotten bad, and really, it's more visible than ever. He and Tyler are both in the same state when it comes to facial hair, but that thought isn't comforting in the slightest, it's just unsettling.

He still wonders why they haven't shaved. It doesn't seem like them.

Their facial hair isn't the only thing that's grown out though, because now, they're nowhere near having a buzzcut. It's to the point where he can play with it if he really wanted to; twirl it around his fingers and pull at it, too.

Brendon doesn't like it.

This is exactly what Tyler told him they didn't want to look like, so why are they doing it purposely?

Once again, he can't stand the thought, and so he kisses their forehead one more time just in case. They need to know they have him, because they do, without a doubt.

All Brendon wants is for them to be happy. Both of them.

"I want to sleep." Tyler finally says. Their voice sounds like it's strained.

Josh exhales, hand about to run through their hair, but he quickly stops. Instead, he rests it at their hip. "I'll drive, okay?"

Tyler only nods, grip on Brendon's shirt becoming tighter.

After a moment of silence, Josh sits up. "I'll start packing everything into the car." He decides, carefully getting off the bed and walking out of the room.

It's awfully quiet as soon as he's gone, and Brendon can feel his heartbeat get stronger. He's postive Tyler can hear it too, because they lift their head and push his hair out from his face, kissing his exposed collarbone.

"Hold me," They whisper. Gentle. Afraid.

Slowly, they move into his lap and wrap both their arms and legs around him, digging their nose into his neck. Their stubble tickles his skin but he doesn't mention it, only doing exactly what they asked him.

Brendon has so many questions, yet he feels uncomfortable to bring it up.

Possibly for his sake, but mostly for theirs.

For now, he stays quiet. He holds them and makes sure they're as safe as they can be right now.

Without thinking about it either, his hand runs under their shirt and rubs up and down their back. Chest against chest, heart against heart. Theirs is beating just as maniacally as his, and he finds himself frowning at that.

"Don't be scared," He says softly.

Tyler's eyelashes flutter against his neck, hands tightening around his shirt almost like they're surprised that he noticed.

They exhale. "I can't help it."

Brendon jaw tightens at that.

Gently, he pecks their neck a few times, arms becoming more secure around them. He has no idea how much he can help, but what he does know is that he wants to keep them here in his arms for as long as he possibly can. Protect them? He's not sure if he's able, yet, he'll still try.

"Why are you scared?" Tyler then asks.

Bredon gulps, sucking in his bottom lip momentarily. "I don't want to mess up." He admits.

Tyler pulls away from his neck when he says it, staring down at him. They carefully run their fingers through his near-beard, and even scratch it.

Finally though, they connect eyes with him again.

"You never mess up. And if you do, there's a purpose which can be forgiven." They mutter, blinking, breathing. "You're so good. So right." They whisper afterwards.

Brendon frowns a little, hand slowly moving to mess with their hair. "I can say the same thing for you."

Tyler shakes their head, grabbing his hand and moving it away. "No. It's different."

Brendon doesn't know how to reply, so he doesn't. He only stares at them, because he will no matter what circumstance at this point, and grips their hips. Tyler hums when he does it, leaning closer until their foreheads rest against one another and their noses touch.

They close their eyes, so Brendon does too.

"You make me feel safe, even when you don't understand everything." They breathe out, holding a hand he has at their hip, and Brendon can feel his heart rate increase drastically. They're warm, they're soft, they're here, they're breathing.

Tyler slowly leans further and presses a kiss to the corner of his lips.

Brendon's pulse stops at that very second, it feels like. His hands tremble at their sides, and he has no idea what to do. He's overwhelmed.

Tyler doesn't stop, though. They open their eyes for a moment only to close them again and hold his chin, bringing their lips together. Brendon is frozen at first, but when processing what's happening, he doesn't hesitate to kiss them back. It's slow, it's tender, it's safe. It's what they both need, it seems, and when Tyler sucks on his bottom lip, his hand shakes while holding the back of their neck.

They pull away momentarily, breathing, and carefully looking at each other one more time before kissing again.

Tyler tastes like coffee and chocolate, which doesn't surprise him in the slightest, and despite being amenable at the time, they still manage to gain control.

Which, embarrassingly, isn't very surprising, either.

They're more needy with it than he is, trying to savor it, trying to make sure Brendon isn't going to let this go. And he doesn't, he's definitely more delicate and careful, but he wants this. Now that it's happening, it feels like he's craved it.

Finally, Tyler pulls away. They sit back in his lap, arms still around his neck while Brendon's eyes are wide, breath heavy.

"How long has it been since you kissed someone?" They wonder, looking at him once again.

Brendon is quick to frown, brows furrowing together in the slightest. Instantly, his high runs low. "Why? Is. . . Is it obvious that I haven't since highschool?"

Tyler gives a small smile, leaning their head onto his chest. "No. I was about to say it's because you're really, really good at it." They whisper, pressing their lips against his shirt before nibbling at it in the slightest.

Brendon can't help but blush. His heart is racing still, and his hands haven't stopped trembling. He's in absolute shock that it really just happened.

"Thank you." They then mumble.

Brendon is simply trying to think straight. "For what?"

"For making sure I'm safe." Tyler replies. "Because I know I am. I know."

Brendon doesn't completely understand what provoked these thoughts or where they're coming from, but he still nods, wrapping his arms around them again and leaning his head onto theirs. "You're always safe with me."

Tyler hums. "But I won't be with you this weekend."

Oh.

Maybe he gets it, now.

"You'll have Josh, and you'll have me when you come back." He decides.

Tyler nods easily. "Yes, and I'm thankful."

Afterwards, as if he heard his name, Josh walks into the room with a gentle smile. It's obvious he notices the way Brendon's entire face is flushed, but he doesn't comment on it. Instead, he places a hand on Tyler's back. "Are you ready, baby?"

Tyler exhales heavily, pulling their face from out of Brendon's chest. "Yeah." They whisper, letting Josh help them get off of his lap.

Brendon sits there awkwardly for a moment until Josh helps him off the bed as well, intertwining their fingers together. Tyler walks out the room and downstairs, so they follow behind them, being lead into the kitchen.

"I wrote everything down that you would need to know," they tell Brendon.

They hand him a paper with a list of things. The majority is what he needs for Jim, but there's also other notes stating that if you need to smoke, do it in the backyard, or, you're free to use the washing machine and dryer, if you'd like.

Brendon lets go of Josh's hand, swallowing thickly.

It's happening.

It's really happening.

"Okay." He mumbles finally. He sets the paper down onto the counter for now, deciding he'll come back to it.

Tyler then looks to Josh. "Is everything packed?"

He nods. "Yeah, and I called the hotel so they would leave a room for us."

Tyler hums in response. They walk past the both of them to grab their shoes at the entry, and then sit on the floor when putting them on. It's then when Jim runs over to them and starts licking their face.

They give a small smile. "Bye, buddy." They kiss his head. "Tata will miss you."

Tata.

Brendon won't question it.

He's a bit taken aback though when Josh suddenly pulls him close and hugs him tightly. "I'll see you soon." He mutters, running a hand through his hair which makes Brendon cringe a bit because he needs to shower, badly.

Nonetheless, he hugs him back. "I'll be waiting."

Josh pulls away smiling, and Brendon has yet to get over how charming he is. He's perfect.

"Stop hogging him. He needs some of my love, too." Josh comments when he sees Tyler still on the floor bidding their goodbyes to Jim.

Tyler looks up at him. "Let's switch, then."

Josh nods in agreement, helping them off the floor. He crouches down beside the dog instead, and Tyler slowly brings Brendon into a strong embrace. "I'll see you soon." They mumble against his shoulder. "Take care of our Jim."

Brendon touches their waist. "I will."

"I know you will." They utter.

Brendon holds them; reassurance to himself and Tyler. He hopes everything will go well. He needs everything to go well, or else he wouldn't know what to do.

He watches Josh scratch behind Jim's ear one last time before standing up. Without a word, too, he walks over to him and Tyler and wraps his arms around both of them, pressing a kiss to Tyler's cheek, and then Brendon's.

Brendon kind of wants to kiss Josh, now.

At the thought, the three of them end up pulling away from each other, and so he decides against it.

Another time, he will. Himself.

Josh looks to Tyler, head tilting in question. They simply nod, and Josh does too.

He turns to Brendon afterwards. "Bye, Brend." He fiddles with his gauge. "We'll call you when we get to the hotel."

Brendon frowns. "Okay. . . I'll, uh, talk to you then." He says.

Josh nods in return and Tyler opens the door, letting him out first. Instead of saying goodbye as well, they simply make eye contact with him, and they have this certain look in their eyes that makes his stomach twist unpleasantly.

Before catching it further, they close the door.

And then, there's silence.

Silence throughout the entire house.

Brendon's heart beats loudly, but it doesn't help. It's not until he can hear the car doors close outside where Jim starts whimpering. He runs into the livingroom where the curtains are just slightly open and paws at the window, big brown eyes lit up by the car's headlights. Brendon carefully sits beside him and watches Josh pull out of the driveway, Tyler sitting in the passenger's seat, leaning against the window and staring at nothing.

Before he could even blink, they're gone.

His heart skips a beat, and Jim begins barking when noticing he couldn't see them any longer.

Brendon frowns, pulling the dog into his lap and shushing him. "They'll be back before you know it, Jimmy."

Jim huffs, sticking his snout into the spot between the couch and Brendon's thigh.

They sit there for a while, both basking miserably in the fact that the two people they care about most are gone now. Brendon's mind hasn't stopped running ever since Tyler kissed him, because he's still in disbelief. It's odd not to have them around after such a staple moment in the relationship, but he has a feeling he knows exactly why they did it before leaving.

He sighs, leaning his head back.

That's the first time he's kissed someone since he was. . . Nineteen.

Brendon's eyes widen when realizing that was ten years ago. He hasn't kissed someone in ten years? What the fuck.

The feeling is sickeningly sweet.

For one, it's more than just a kiss. Brendon is not sure he's ever trusted someone-- besides Carina-- that much. He couldn't find himself worrying about whether or not he was doing it correctly after all this time, he was only thinking about them. And how he wants them safe, and how good their lips tasted. He wasn't worrying at all. He's nearly proud of himself because of that, is that weird? Proud of himself for not overthinking a kiss?

Anything is a victory, for Brendon.

It's like he's high on the feeling. High on the feeling of someone else's lips against his, high on the feeling of the assertiveness they had.

It's good. He likes it. He wants more of it.

If they were here right now, he considers kissing them again. After Josh. And touch them, because it seems alright to do that, now.

Brendon clears his throat at the thought.

He doesn't know what's gotten into him.

Carefully, he shuffles Jim's body off of his lap and stands up from the couch, making his way into the kitchen. Jim follows right after him, the nametag on his collar jingling.

Brendon grabs the paper from off the counter and reads through it more thoroughly. He can't help but think about how cute Tyler's handwriting is. It should be sloppy, yet it's very easy to read, and nice to look at. Random letters are still capitalized.

Jim

- Feed him one cup for every meal. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

- If possible, take him on a walk, or at least let him out in the backyard for a while.

- I already left the doggy door open so you don't need to worry about taking him outside to use the bathroom, but if he's out there for an unreasonably long time, please check on him. He likes to dig holes when no one is looking.

- If he does something that you could possibly reward him for, there's treats in the bedside table. Give him one. One. No more than one.

- Don't let him eat your food, thank you.

- If you want to put him in his kennel while you sleep or something, you're free to. Just don't keep him in there for too long.

Brendon finds himself biting down on his lip while reading through it. There's nothing too worrisome, so it's reassuring. He decides he'll feed Jim whenever he eats, and he'll take Jim outside whenever he needs some fresh air.

He looks down at him. "I won't put you in the kennel, don't worry. I need cuddles."

Jim only wags his tail.

Brendon sighs, looking back at the piece of paper. There's more than just the dog's rules.

- You can get onto Netflix by changing the input to the other one on the remote. Use my account to watch stuff, it's fine.

- Please get the mail for us. Put it on the table.

- In case you leave, there's a house key under the vase on the table so you can lock the door.

- I didn't know what you wanted to eat so I made you some stuff. It's in the fridge with your name. You better eat them.

And the rest is the stuff he already read through a bit when Tyler handed him the paper.

- You're free to use the washing machine and dryer, if you'd like.

- If you need to smoke, do it in the backyard. Preferably not around Jim. Thank you.

Brendon swallows the saliva pent up in his mouth, walking towards the fridge and opening it. Sure enough, there's a couple of containers with a sticky note that has his name on it, but not only that, they're each labeled with whatever is in them. One is a few breakfast burritos, containing eggs, sausage, cheese, and potatoes. Another is two sub sandwiches with mayonnaise, turkey, cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes.

Tyler has too much time on their hands, Brendon decides.

He closes the refrigerator door. He needs to shower.

Brendon walks back into the livingroom and gathers up all his clothes for the night, but as soon as he's about to make his way to the bathroom, he stops.

He slowly turns his head, and there Jim is looking right back at him.

He huffs. It feels wrong to leave him all alone for a good half an hour, and so the only reasonable solution Brendon comes up with is calling Jim's name in a high pitched voice and has him follow him into the bathroom, where he very weirdly locks the door behind him.

This is fine.

Yeah.

Brendon lays his clothes onto the counter before turning the shower on.

Awkwardly, he starts undressing. It takes Jim a while to realize he's stuck in this room, but finally, he curls up into a small ball on the floor and watches as Brendon takes off his clothes.

Once he's down to only his boxers, he purses his lips, slowly slipping them off as well.

Afterwards, he looks down at Jim. "You're the first to see me naked in years." He mutters.

Jim only blinks, huffing.

Brendon looks back at himself in the mirror. "Yeah, not very impressive. I know."

After a moment, he finally gets into the shower. He's in the downstairs one this time around, where there is no glass door, just a shower curtain with a built in bathtub. He likes this one much better considering it feels a lot less awkward to be so vulnerable.

While Brendon puts shampoo into his hair, he absentmindedly hums. "Jim, I think this will be okay." He says it, totally disregarding the fact that he has been talking to a dog for the last twenty minutes or so.

Not surprisingly, he never gets a response.

And, not surprisingly, Brendon continues.

"Today has been crazy," He suddenly admits. He just needs to get it out, whether he gets something back or not. "I think I'm going to have to buy a new top for work, and that fucking sucks, but it's about time I use my money for something practical. Well. . . I rarely actually use my money unless I really have to. Bills. . . Groceries. . . Tags. . ." Brendon sighs, scrubbing the shampoo into his hair.

He then grabs the conditioner which, once again, is another Axe product.

"Tyler kissed me." He states.

He hasn't stopped thinking about it.

His heart starts to beat faster at the mere thought of it. After all this time, he finally got something.

"Now I want to kiss Josh. He's really kissable." Brendon pauses. "Is that weird?" Probably.

He doesn't say anything for a while after that. He simply cleans his body, and afterwards, washes out all the shampoo and conditioner from his hair. He runs his fingers through it, and a random thought of maybe he needs to get a haircut soon runs through his head. The shaved sides are growing out a lot, looking rather unappealing.

He turns the shower off and carefully steps out.

The first thing he does is crouch down to Jim's level and pet his head. Jim licks the water off his legs while he does it.

"If I become a sex crazed monster, you have every right to yell at me." Brendon jokes, standing back up.

It's only amusing because of how unlikely it is to happen. His sex drive is so low, it might even be in the negatives. There's no time to ever think about any of that considering he's too busy. He needs to take care of his mother. He needs to take care of himself, really.

It's then when Brendon's eyes widen. "Oh, my god." He mumbles

He forgot to bring a towel.

He looks around the bathroom, in the cabinet beneath the sink, everything, and there's not one in sight.

Brendon blinks. "Oh, my god. Fuck."

Jim seems to sense his worry, and quickly stands up from his spot on the floor to nuzzle his face into Brendon's leg.

He frowns, heart in his throat. "Does this mean I have to go and find one?" He stops, frown deepening. "Naked. . ."

This is terrible. It doesn't matter whether anyone is home or not, it's just awkward to go around the house completely naked. He's dripping wet; he wouldn't be able to put any of his clothes on. He brought briefs this time too, skin-tight. He'd rather not put them on right now.

Brendon groans.

He considers staying in here and waiting until he dries, but that's unbearable, so with a trembling hand, he slowly opens the door and steps out.

Cold air hits him in an instant. He shivers.

"Where the fuck would the towels even be," He groans.

Tyler and Josh were supposed to show him around the house more thoroughly before leaving, but they never did. His best option is to go upstairs to the hall closet which should surely have some towels in there, right?

God, he hopes so.

Brendon tries his hardest to stay calm. He has nothing to worry about. He's alone, and no one is going to see him. As long as he's quick, he can get a towel and cover himself, and then change into warm clothes so he doesn't have to stress over being completely naked and vulnerable.

He exhales heavily, finally rushing out of the bathroom and up the stairs. Jim follows after him excitedly although he shouldn't be excited at all right now. Brendon's chest feels heavy; this all is so weird.

He turns the light on once he's there, going through the closet and instantly, it's sweet relief.

As soon as he sees a towel, he grabs it, and wraps it around himself.

Jim wags his tail and lets out a few mewls, looking up at Brendon, waiting for their next move.

Brendon shakes his head. "This wasn't fun." He mutters, hair dripping all over the floor but he knows it's not that much of a problem so he makes his way back to the bathroom. It's then, too, when he decides there's no point in closing the door now, which leaves him to dry off and change with it wide open.

Afterwards, he shoves his other clothes into his bag and pulls out Josh's hoodie which he just so happened to pack as well.

Maybe he should wash it while he's here. . .

Clean it and put it in the closet like he didn't steal it for a few days.

To Brendon, it sounds like a good plan.

He makes his way into the garage, Jim following right behind him. It takes a while to figure out how to work the washing machine, but he manages, and once coming inside again, he heads straight to the bedroom. Josh did say he's free to wear his clothes, so that's exactly what he'll do.

He won't take it home with him this time, though.

Brendon carefully walks into the closet, looking around. There's still clothes everywhere, and he almost feels the need to rearrange it for some odd reason, but he doesn't. He only shakes his head and searches through Josh's small section of the closet, finding another hoodie to wear.

It's a Death Cab for Cutie hoodie. Brendon likes it.

It's not until he's back downstairs checking his phone-- just in case-- when seeing it's about time for dinner.

Personally, he isn't very hungry, but he reminds himself that he needs to eat regularly again. If not for himself, for Tyler, because they're rather adamant about it. And maybe that's good. Sometimes, Brendon does need someone to keep him in check no matter how pathetic it sounds. He's not good enough to do it himself.

He looks down at Jim. "Dinner?" He asks.

Jim tilts his head, tail wagging just slightly.

"Dinner, Jimmy." Brendon decides, walking into the dining room.

He goes to the space where Jim's bowl and food is, opening the box. He uses the cup already inside of it to scoop it out twice. Two cups, for him. And as soon as Brendon stands back up, Jim is shoving his face into the bowl, eating sloppily.

He chuckles at the sight.

Brendon then grabs himself one of the sub sandwiches Tyler made for him out of the fridge, and afterwards, he sits down onto the chair closest to Jim at the table. He didn't want to leave his side, and he won't. He knows he has a big responsibility to stick to. If that means watching over the dog when he could be doing anything else, he is going to, because he's willing to put the dog's need over his own to ensure safety on all ends.

He sits there, eating his food, and not leaving until Jim finishes his. If he has to eat a three meals a day, so does he.

***

After a while, once Brendon and Jim both had their dinner, they ended up curled together on the couch watching a random show on Tyler's Netflix list. Most of their picks were of cooking shows, others dealing with true crimes, but one of them was something a little more Brendon's taste when he read the description, so that's what he chose.

It was interesting enough for a while, but after some time, he grew bored of it.

Brendon looks down at Jim, and when he does, he's fast asleep. Nonetheless, he continues to run his fingers absentmindedly through his fur, letting out a deep sigh.

He knew this was going to be tedious, but not this badly.

It has only been a little bit past an hour since Tyler and Josh left, yet it feels like ages.

Or maybe Brendon is dramatic.

He purses his lips together, deciding to check his phone again in case he missed anything. Still, there's not a single word from Tyler nor Josh.

He sighs once more.

Instead of putting his phone away though, he goes onto Facebook, which he hasn't done in months. Curiosity has gotten the best of him this instance, really. He has no idea what his siblings have been up to. Has Kyla had her kid yet? Have Mason and his wife done anything interesting? Is Kara still being uncomfortably strict with Kevin and Parker?

Brendon doesn't know a thing.

Embarrassingly, he spends the next twenty minutes or so going through everyone's pages and seeing what's been happening. Kyla has had her kid, a little girl named Lola, and Mason has done something with his wife recently. Just last month they went to the mountains for their four year anniversary.

It's hard to tell how Kara is towards her son's, but everything seems to be going well for the most part. There's a post of them at Christmas with big smiles on their faces, and that's enough to reassure Brendon.

He may not see them often, but he's still their uncle, and he wants them happy.

It's then when Jim wakes up from his slumber. He stretches his legs out and yawns before jumping off Brendon's lap, trotting down the hallway.

Brendon uses this as an excuse to go outside.

He follows the dog out into the backyard, shivering a little, but it's nice. He makes sure to turn the porch light on beforehand considering it is now pitch black outside and he needs to be able to see what Jim is doing just in case.

As Brendon watches over him, a sudden rush of worry runs throughout his body.

What if something horrible happened and that's why Josh or Tyler haven't contacted him yet?

Though, he doesn't dwell on it too hard.

They only said the wedding is "out of town" which could mean anything. It might take them more than a few hours to get there. He has to tell himself that before the panic becomes too unbearable. They're okay, they're just busy.

Jim does his business and comes back over to Brendon, rolling onto his back.

He smiles. "Want some rubs?" He asks, crouching down to scratch at the dog's stomach. Jim wags his tail, tongue hanging out of his mouth, completely pleased with this. Brendon then pokes his nose. "If you do a cool trick, I'll give you a treat."

Jim pauses, suddenly sitting up and tilting his head.

"Treat?" Brendon repeats.

Jim's ears perk up, letting out a small bark.

Brendon remembers the first time he came here, how Josh had Jim dance for the three of them. So, at the thought, Brendon stands again, looking down at Jim with a big grin. "Jim, dance!" He exclaims, and quickly, the dog is getting on his hind legs and jumping in a few circles, tail wagging, tongue falling out of his mouth excitedly.

After the fourth one, he sits back down and stares up at Brendon with his head tilted.

Brendon nods, lips upturned. "Good job, buddy. Let's go and get that treat."

**Trigger warning: anxiety attack.**

Jim follows him back inside. Remembering where Tyler said the treats are, Brendon makes his way up the stairs and into their bedroom. The problem he quickly finds himself running into though is that there's two bedside tables, and he has no idea which one the treats are in. He checks the first drawer to the one closest to the door, but it only has pens and a few notepads, so he checks the bigger one under that in hopes to hopefully find the treats, but instantly, as soon as he opens it, his heart drops.

Brendon's eyes widen. "Holy shit," he whispers in shock, slapping a hand over his mouth.

Holy shit.

Brendon examines the situation frantically, body frozen because the only thing he can think about is how much his pulse feels fake right now.

He did not find treats.

He exhales, tears welling up in his eyes. He shouldn't be crying, really, it's stupid-- it's embarrassing. He's a grown man and the fact that he found sex toys shouldn't be this overwhelming, but it is. His chest is clouded with this horrible heaviness that makes him want to choke up or vomit.

This is not what he was expecting, at all.

He slams the drawer shut and pitifully drops to the floor, leaning back against the bed.

"What the fuck." He cries, tears carefully making their way down his cheeks.

Jim rushes to his side and licks every single one of them, placing his paw onto Brendon's hand when he starts to pull at his hair. When realizing it isn't stopping him from being so destructive, he climbs onto Brendon's lap until his entire body is on top of his arms and he physically isn't able to move them.

Brendon throws his head back, breath stuttering.

"What the fuck. . ." He repeats. He can't think of anything else.

Jim huffs.

Truthfully, Brendon isn't even surprised Tyler and Josh have any. Purposefully or not, they make it very clear that sex is a big part of their lives, but when opening that drawer and seeing it, knowing full well that's what he is getting himself into, it's terrifying. Is he ready for that? When Josh comes home, will he ever kiss him, or is this too much? Can he tell them that it's too much?

Brendon whimpers at the thought.

It is too much. There's no doubt about it. If he can't even look at a sex toy, he can't imagine how it would be to end up using one.

Another tear slips down his cheek the more he dwells on it.

He can't tell if he's being dramatic, or if this is reasonable, and it's only making the uneasiness worse.

At this point, Brendon is all in. He's been seeing Tyler and Josh for about two months now, and that's time he can never get back. He has to accept the fact that they have been with other people before him, not romantically, but for sexual pleasure. That's who they are, that's their past. There's nothing he can do to change that, and it isn't their faults he isn't nearly as sexually active as they are.

This problem is probably minuscule.

Brendon is pathetic.

He takes in a deep breath, closing his eyes. He knows it will be okay. He knows.

Tyler and Josh have been going at his pace. They told him they want to do nothing to make him uncomfortable and he's positive they will follow by that. This is okay. He's okay. Everything will be okay.

If he's not ready, he's not ready, right?

That's enough to get him off the floor. He moves Jim out of his arms and stands back up, wiping away the rest of his tears with the back of his hand and sniffling.

"Let's find your treats, Jim." He mutters, voice hoarse.

He moves to the other bedside table, and when opening the first drawer, he luckily finds them. It's a small bone that is bacon flavored. When he pulls one out, Jim is quick to sit and patiently wait to get it.

Brendon smiles down at him. "Here you go, bud." He whispers, sniffling once again when feeding him the treat.

He swallows a thick lump in his throat afterwards, softly patting Jim's head before exiting the room. The dog follows right after him, happily, and Brendon is glad at least one of them is content with what just happened, because he surely isn't.

It's not until he sits back down on the couch, Jim curling up on his side, when he can feel his phone vibrating on the cushion. He perks up at the that, patting around him until he finds his phone.

It's Josh.

Ten minutes ago, this would have been relieving, but now it's anything but that. He's scared to even see his face, knowing too much. Knowing so much. He's terrified at any interaction because he isn't sure if he'll be able to handle the tension. Being aware of something neither of them are.

Nonetheless, he makes sure to wipe his eyes one more time for good measure before answering.

Josh's face plasters across his screen, a delicate smile instantly making its way onto his lips. "Hey."

Brendon can't catch a break.

He lets out a nervous breath, running a hand through his hair. "Hey." He mutters, clearing his throat. "Did, uh. . . Did you and Tyler make it?"

He wants to cry again.

It should be obvious that they did. Josh is already in the bed. He doesn't have a shirt on; he seems comfortable. Like they have probably been there for a while. The thought makes Brendon's heart ache, mostly because he's relieved both he and Tyler are okay, but also because he was worrying about nothing.

Josh nods. "Yeah. We got here about half an hour ago and we were just," he pauses, blinking. "You know. Settling in."

Brendon is suspicious about it, yet he doesn't mention a thing.

"Where's Tyler?" He asks instead, a blush carefully meeting to his cheeks naturally.

"In the shower," Josh mumbles, turning onto his side. "Its been a long, long day."

Brendon nods, heart beating in a nervously slow manner. Hearing Josh's voice is only making his anxiety horrible once again. He wants to forget about everything he just witnessed, but that seems impossible when he says anything.

He knows too much. He doesn't want to.

"How has it been over there?" Josh wonders.

Brendon falters.

He would be honest if it wouldn't expose every single thing possible right now. He would say, I'm on the brink of having another anxiety attack, or maybe, I don't think I'm ready for any of this. But, he keeps those thoughts to himself, deciding to deal with that on his own and instead keep Josh content.

"Its been fine." Brendon utters.

Josh squints his eyes a bit. "Don't lie to me. What's wrong?"

Is it that obvious? Fuck, he needs to get better at masking his emotions.

Well. . . Compared to Tyler, Brendon is probably the easiest person to read.

He frowns, heaving in the slightest. Maybe he needs to smoke some weed. He did bring his wax pen in case he'd need it.

"I'm," he exhales, resting his forehead onto his knee. "I'm just feeling really anxious right now. Sorry. It's fine. Nothing to worry about. It happens." It does happen, sometimes naturally, but this time he was provoked. He wouldn't tell Josh that, though. He's not ready to have that discussion.

Definitely not ready.

Josh's lips go crooked. "You don't have to hide that from me. You can tell me if you're feeling anxious, and you can tell me if I'm doing something to make it worse."

Talking to me right now is making it worse, Brendon thinks.

Of course, he never says that.

"Yeah, I know." He whispers. "Sorry. I'm not used to telling people. It makes me feel really. . ." He trails off. "Nevermind."

Josh shakes his head, eyes soft. "No, tell me."

Brendon sighs, playing with Jim's foot. Josh won't let this pass; he's well-aware. "It makes me feel like an inconvenience. I know it's annoying if I'm constantly telling you I'm nervous, you don't have to lie to me. I wish I wasn't. I'm working on that--" He really isn't, but he likes to lie to himself if it's beneficial. "I. . . I just don't want you to feel obligated to make it better. I'm fucked up, and it's all on me. Not you."

There's silence.

Brendon watches Josh blink a few times before finally speaking up. "Bren, everyone has problems. Yeah, they're different than others, but that doesn't mean you should isolate yourself from any sort of help. Sometimes it's best to have people there for you. And I know it's more fulfilling when you do manage to get yourself through stuff without anyone else, but that takes a lot of sacrifices you don't have to make." He sighs, biting his lip. "Tyler and I are here for you. Always. With anything, really. You can trust us, because we trust you, and it's okay to do the same. You can tell us when you're nervous, you should tell us when you're nervous. It's better for everyone."

Brendon really, really wants to cry again.

Tears well up in his eyes once more, but he holds them back. He can't deal with another flushed face and runny nose in less than fifteen minutes from the last.

"I do trust you. I'm sorry. I just. . . The last thing I want is for you and Tyler to find me irritating." He mumbles out, sniffling for another time.

Josh shakes his head. "Believe me, if either of us thought you weren't irresistible in the slightest, we wouldn't be doing this." He admits. "If it isn't obvious by now, Tyler and I are very opinionated when it comes to who we're interested in. And we don't hesitate to be honest."

In some way, that's relieving, no matter how intimidating it seems.

Brendon bites his cheek. "You've always been completely honest with me?" He asks.

"Yes." Josh says easily. "I think you take yourself for granted too much. You're amazing, Brendon."

As soon as he says it, he's blushing again. "I seriously don't understand how you or Tyler like me. You're both way out of my league."

Josh hums. "Or maybe you're in so deep you see past all our flaws."

Brendon tilts his head. "Is that wrong of me?'

Josh smiles. "Definitely not." He mutters, running a hand through his curls. "I am pretty cute. I wouldn't pass that up. And Tyler has a nice ass, I didn't pass that up and I don't think you will either." He snickers while saying it, perfect row of teeth making their appearance.

Brendon's heart skips a beat.

He tries not to think past the joking aspect of it. He tries not to let the recent events affect this situation.

"You're right," he decides.

Josh's eyes light up. "About me being cute, or Tyler having a nice ass?"

Brendon's heart is having a hard time taking every word. "Both."

He can't believe he just said that.

Seriously, what has gotten into him?

Of course, this is when Josh's eyes shift to a different direction. Brendon can hear a door open, and then he sees Josh cheekily grin at something off camera.

Tyler must be out of the shower.

"Baby, Brendon said you have a nice ass." Josh announces, confirming his suspicions, and Brendon flushes even more than before. This is exactly why he keeps things to himself most times. "And by the looks of it. . ." His eyes continue to wander. "He's right."

Fucking Josh.

Brendon is cherry red right now.

He can hear Tyler let out a scoff kind of laugh. "Do all you two ever talk about is me?"

Josh hums. "With an ass like that, yeah."

"Stop staring at my ass."

"How can I when you're fucking stark naked right now?" Josh chuckles, and Brendon might just pass out from the heat on his face.

"You act like you have never seen me naked." Tyler mutters.

Josh sucks in his bottom lip momentarily, eyes never leaving their frame. "When you get right out of the shower, it's kinda hot." Often times when they both speak to one another, it's almost like Brendon is not there. They're not ashamed of what they have to say, it's obvious.

"Josh, we literally just-- are you on the phone?"

Brendon watches Josh's grin widen.

"Oh, my god." Tyler groans. "I'm going to bed." The light turns off in the room.

"It's a video call. Don't want Brendon to see your ass, do you?" Josh snickers, finally glancing back at the phone and meeting eyes with him, who is so overwhelmed it's unbelievable.

"You guys talk about it enough it's like he already has." Tyler mumbles, sounding a lot closer now.

"He hasn't gotten that lucky, yet." Josh jokes.

Brendon shakes his head, exhaling heavily.

"Turn the camera off for a second." Tyler says, completely ignoring the comment.

Josh does, his end going black but Brendon is still able to hear everything. There's some shuffling, and some whispers, but finally after a few moments the camera turns back on and Tyler is in the frame now. Damp hair in their face and cheek pushed up by the pillow. Josh lays behind them but brings the camera in front of Tyler, where Brendon is able to see both of them clearly.

"Hi, Brendon." Tyler utters.

His heart is in his throat. "Hey," he whispers.

At this point, Jim is on the brink of sleep again at his side. Brendon simply soothes his fingers through the dog's coat.

"Do you really think I have a nice ass?" They question softly, closing their eyes. They seem exhausted.

Brendon is burning hot. It hasn't stopped. "Uh,"

They smile the slightest bit. "You don't have to answer. I'm just messing with you."

He nods. "Okay."

"I already know I have a nice ass." They quickly say.

Josh laughs behind them, and Tyler chuckles to themself. He can see most of their chest, and if the blankets weren't covering them, he could definitely see a lot more than that. For now, it's good that he doesn't. He knows too much. He wants a steady pace again.

Suddenly though, Josh is the one who speaks up. "Is that my hoodie?"

Brendon eyebrows lift, swallowing thickly. "Uh. . . Yeah. Is that okay?"

Josh smiles. "It's more than okay."

"Okay." Brendon breathes out. "Good because uh, it's comfortable."

He now remembers to check on the other hoodie he put in the wash before going to bed. Hopefully to get it dried by morning so he can put it away and pretend it was never gone. It seems like Tyler hadn't said a thing about him taking it, which works in his favor.

"How is Jim?" Tyler mutters, sleepily.

Brendon points the camera to the dog at his side, who is asleep once again. Tyler finally opens their eyes to see, their lips turn upwards in just the slightest.

"He hasn't left my side." Brendon assures.

Tyler hums, and Josh pulls them closer until their back is to his chest, resting his head on their arm. They both look tired, really. Tyler can barely keep their eyes open, and Josh's are lazy. It's making Brendon tired seeing them like this, and now he plans on going to bed right after the call ends.

"I want to sleep." Tyler whispers, reminding him of earlier. It's directed towards their husband, but Brendon catches it as well.

"Say goodnight and we will." Josh says.

Tyler nods, eyes closing again. They bring their thumb knuckle to their mouth and bite down on it before sucking, then pulling it away. "Goodnight, Brend. See you soon. Thank you for taking care of Jim."

"Goodnight." Brendon mutters, pursing his lips into a careful smile. "Goodnight, Josh."

Josh brings the phone closer to him so Tyler is no longer in the frame. "Goodnight. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Sleep well."

Brendon nods. "You too." And that's the last thing said before Josh ends the call.

As soon as he does, Brendon emits a deep sigh and lays his phone down onto the cushion, throwing his head back. He stares up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to steady himself for the night. The conversation went better than expected, which is good, and surprisingly, he doesn't feel as anxious as before. He still can't get his mind off what happened, but he's trying his best to ignore it, because it shouldn't be affecting him as much as it is.

Everything is okay, and it will be.

Brendon turns off the television, gently shaking Jim awake.

The dog blinks a few times, looking up at Brendon for an explanation, which leaves him to say, "Let's go to bed, bud."

He stands up from the couch, Jim following right after him tiredly. Brendon checks on the washing machine before anything else, seeing it's finished, so he quickly throws the hoodie into the dryer and turns that on. Afterwards, the two of them make their way upstairs and into the bedroom.

It's awkward being in here right now. He doesn't exactly want to, but he didn't feel like sleeping on an airmatress or couch any more than he already does, so this will have to work.

He leaves the door open in case Jim needed to use the restroom during the night, slowly climbing onto the blankets. He wasn't sure whether or not Jim is even allowed to be on the bed, yet it never said anything about it when Tyler wrote down his rules, so he deems it okay and lets the dog jump up beside him and cuddle to his side under the covers.

Brendon exhales heavily, carefully combing his fingers through Jim's fur to not only calm the dog down, but calm himself down as well.

"Goodnight, Jimmy." He whispers, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Jim only huffs out a breath. It's a enough for Brendon to find comfort in though, and he gently closes his eyes afterwards. After a long, long day, full of more anxiety than he's comfortable with, this is what he needed.

He just hopes tomorrow is better.