Brendon wakes up with a horrible headache in the morning, and he finds himself letting out a deep groan while he throws his legs over the bed. "Fuck," he mutters, pushing his fingers deep into his temple.

It doesn't take him long to drag his feet into the kitchen and shuffle around his cabinet to find the ibuprofen. He pours out three, making sure to grab a bottle of water in order to swallow them without trouble.

Afterwards, he just sighs.

He's exhausted for multiple reasons. He's troubled for multiple reasons, too.

Last night had its ups and downs.

It was nice getting to know Hayley a little more. He's happy that he did, because she's nice, and really he needs a friend outside of work and the retirement home. Not only that, but she's respectful too, as in she accepts the fact that yes, he's not perfect and he has flaws and he just so happens to be seeing a married couple, but even with knowing all of this, she didn't bat an eye.

He has hope that their friendship will continue to be pursued.

The fact that she's quite a few years younger than him-- seven, to be exact-- throws Brendon through a bit of a loop, because although she's younger, it seems like she has her life more together than he does.

She has priorities, she has a place of her own, she has a will, and also. . . She has a child?

Well, maybe Hayley doesn't have her life together completely, but she is definitely very well-thought-out for her age.

Or maybe Brendon needs to stop taking people younger than him for granted.

He doesn't know.

Finally, he walks back into the bedroom and begins to undress. He didn't want to take Josh's hoodie off, but he has to, and at this point he almost feels guilty for wearing it because what gives him the right to? He should have at least asked him first.

Brendon is still so, so fucking worried.

He's relying on Josh's reassurance to pull him through these next few days. Whether Tyler truly is upset with him, or if they are just going through something on their own is beyond him. But, Josh tells him not to let it get to him, yet, how could he not? When someone he cares for is practically seething because of him, he can't help but feel horrible.

By the sound of what happened, though, it seemed more like Brendon telling them he was with Hayley triggered whatever they had pent up.

Yes, it was wrong of him. He knows that.

He told Tyler he would call them after work. He didn't. And as an exchange, he was with someone who they don't seem to be quite fond of. Really, he'd say it's stupid of them, because it's obvious they believe she's trying to get with Brendon although that isn't her goal at all from the looks of it.

All in all, it's a messy situation.

It's then, too, when his phone vibrates on the bedside table.

Brendon only has one leg in his slacks and his shirt half unbuttoned at the time, so quickly, he pushes the other leg through and holds them at the waist so his pants wouldn't fall, grabbing his phone to see it is.

Ironically enough, it's Tyler.

It's Tyler.

He swallows thickly. Anxiety churns in his stomach, but nonetheless, he answers.

It's quiet for a moment. Brendon thinks they might be getting ready to lash out on him again, because they had all night to think about how mad to be at him, and what else they could possibly say to make his entire world crumble.

Instead of anything harsh, they're so soft he can barely catch it. "Hello," they say.

Brendon sits down on the bed. "Hey."

He nervously runs a hand through his hair, heart thumping loudly.

"I'm sorry about last night." They then mutter; it's a nice contrast to the brashness he heard from them a few hours ago. "It was wrong of me. I have a hard time gathering my thoughts when I've had so much piling up, and because of this, I. . . I took it out on you when I shouldn't have. I've felt like shit all night because of it; I could barely sleep. I, um, I don't want you to feel obligated to accept my apology, but I would really appreciate it if you would consider it after this."

Brendon blinks. A few times.

So, Josh was right. Of course Tyler wasn't actually upset at him. They shouldn't be.

"It's okay, Tyler." He breathes out.

"No. That's what I don't want you to say. It's not okay, what I did was horrible, and I promise you I won't do it again." Their voice is shaky, wavering, almost like they're going to cry or already have. He wouldn't doubt it. "I hope what happened didn't upset you too much. I was acting out of anger when I shouldn't have."

There's a pause.

They might be waiting for a response, but they won't get one, because Brendon will not admit that it did upset him.

Tyler continues after a moment of silence. "I want you to know that. . . That I don't mind you and Hayley hanging out, I promise. Really, that has nothing to do with why I acted the way I did. I suppose hearing that you were with someone else when I was waiting for you set me off a little, but it's not that." They inhale and exhale. "You're your own person, and you're free to be around whoever you want. Just because we're seeing each other doesn't give me the right to control everything you do, at all, and I know this. So, I'm sorry. Really, really sorry."

Brendon knew everything would be okay.

It's like a breath of relief knowing the tension has passed already, because really, he's not sure how long he could have gone with that on his back.

"I forgive you." He says, easily, how could he not? "Just, uh, please don't feel like you should apologize for your feelings. I've fucked up too. Literally on Monday I yelled at you when I shouldn't have-- you were just trying to help me."

Tyler hums. "Maybe we both messed up."

Brendon nods although they couldn't see it. "Yeah."

When no one says a thing, Tyler pipes up, muttering, "I miss you."

Yeah, this conversation is definitely relieving his anxiety about the entire situation.

"I miss you too." He states.

"I was starting to write everything down that you'd need to know for Jim while we're gone and I realized that we're leaving really soon." He can practically hear the lump in their throat. "Really soon. . ." Brendon might be wrong, but he has a feeling this might be what the entire lashing out was about. All the feelings they've had pent up are about leaving. Seeing their family, even? He's a bit weary on the subject.

"Only for a few days." Brendon tries to keep their head up about it, despite not knowing a thing. "Then you can come home and. . . And, um, you know. . . Cuddle me."

Tyler chuckles. "Cuddle you?"

"Yeah." He cracks a smile. "Because I'm definitely going to miss you and Josh keeping me warm."

Tyler hums again; they do that a lot. "I think I can manage."

"I'd hope so. I-I might have withdrawals while you two are gone." Brendon doesn't know what he's saying at this point, but it doesn't matter, because it seems to be lifting Tyler's spirits.

"Have I ever told you how cute you are?" They whisper.

Brendon's cheeks go a little hot. "Yeah, you have, actually."

"Good. Because I think you need to know." Tyler says. He missed them being like this.

He's glad everything is alright.

"You're cute, too." Brendon then mutters, and yeah, his face flushes even more, but he doesn't mind. He's slowly getting better at accepting the fact that it's okay to take a compliment and give one back; he doesn't find himself worrying about the outcome as much.

"You're crazy." Tyler chuckles.

"But that's fine, right?" He wonders, rubbing at the terse amount of hair on his chest.

"Definitely." They utter.

It's then when Brendon pulls his phone away to check the time, eyes going wide. He brings his phone back and bites his lip. "Hey, I've gotta get going. I'll text you."

"Okay. Have a good day, Brend." Tyler mumbles. "Bye."

Brendon really, really likes that nickname, he decides. "Bye."

He hangs up with a swell in his heart. He can't say it enough; he's so thankful things went well. He's thankful that they were able to talk it out and he's thankful that their last conversation ended on a good note.

Brendon feels good.

He finishes getting dressed and makes sure to brush his hair and teeth. Once again, he knows he should shave. It's growing out quickly, and he's already gotten past the scruff phase, but he decides to save that for later. Maybe tomorrow?

In less than twenty minutes, Brendon is out the door, headed for another day of complete isolation.

***

Today, once more, when Brendon passes by Luke's cubicle, he pretends as though he's invisible. Can't hear his footsteps being him. Nothing. For the time being though, Brendon considers this a good thing. Maybe being invisible is what he needs too. Maybe he can play pretend, too, right?

It's a nice thought.

If he just acted like this entire thing is fake, there's a chance it could feel that way.

That's all he wants.

He doesn't want to be treated like a monster any longer. He doesn't want people to look at him, talk about him, acknowledge him. He doesn't exist. Brendon Urie doesn't exist.

A few years ago, these thoughts would be concerning, but he's turning it into something positive. A safety blanket, he would say. And that's okay, he's okay; that's what matters most. As he sits down on his office chair and gathers everything he'll need for the day, the bubble he has made for himself is more comforting than usual, and he didn't even need Josh's hoodie right now to feel it.

***

Brendon completely forgot to pack himself a lunch. Out of habit, he expects it now, and that's probably the worst part.

Yeah, okay, nevermind. The worst part is the fact that once he gets comfortable at the table, Luke comes into the breakroom with Cup O' Ramen in hand, and careful eyes. For the first time in two days, he looks at him, and they look at each other.

Something is different, but who's surprised?

Luke reminds him of when he first met Tyler. Face like stone, expression dull, and eyes practically dead. It's not welcoming in anyway no matter how much it reminds him of them, because he knows that this time it's not going to take a simple phone call to resolve the situation. This is going to take time, and an open heart on both ends.

For now, neither of them are willing to give in.

They look away from one another.

Brendon goes back to picking off the polish on his nails, biting harshly against the skin of his cheek.

He listens to the microwave, every tick, every beep, because it's choosing his fate. How much longer will he have to sit here with his head down? How much longer will his bubble keep him safe?

In less than five minutes, Luke makes his way out of the breakroom. Brendon has no idea where he has been sitting during lunch, but he can't find enough courage to look more into it, so he leans back further into his chair and lets out a huff.

Lunch has become the worst part of his day when it used to be the best.

Funny how that works.

Just as Brendon is about to close his eyes to rest, Ryland and Ryan come marching through the door and walking straight towards him. Instantly, too, his heart rate picks up. He can't handle another confrontation in the span of a couple of days, god no.

Instead of anything of the sort, Ryland reaches his hand out.

Brendon looks up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"Let's go out to lunch, yeah? Shane's paying." He smiles.

Brendon swallows thickly. "Uh-- what? I'll have to talk to Boss, then." He can't help but feel weary about this. Surely Ryland and Ryan had to have heard what happened between him and Luke.

Besides, where's Debby?

Ryan shakes his head, shrugging. "It's fine. We already asked."

"Debby?" Brendon then mutters.

"Wednesday." He replies.

That's right. It's Wednesday. She doesn't work today.

Well, it seems like the only reasonable option is to accept their offer. A fear lingers over his shoulder, though. Could he trust them? What if this all is just a plan for the two of them to bring the situation to the table like Luke had done? What if their intentions weren't so friendly?

Brendon tells himself he should trust people more often, just like he did with Hayley, and so that's exactly what he does.

Carefully, he grabs ahold of Ryland's hand and allows him to help him off the chair.

"We'll meet him there." He mutters, letting go. "Wanna ride with us?"

Brendon can feel how sporadic his pulse is. "Yeah, okay."

The three of them make their way to the elevator, and once they're inside, Ryland pulls his phone out from his pocket and calls someone. Presumably, it's Shane, because as soon as the person answers Ryland says, "Hey, babe. We'll be there in about fifteen minutes or so."

Brendon and Ryan stand beside each other, and awkwardly, too.

He's really tall.

Ryland turns to Brendon. "Do you like pizza?"

"Yeah, pizza's. . . Yeah." It's painfully obvious he's not good in social situations, isn't it?

Ryland smiles. "Pizza's good." He says into the phone.

The feeling of the elevator lowering makes his stomach churn a bit, but he deals with it, and tries to ignore it by watching the way Ryan continues to toss his hair around like he's just now realizing how long it is.

Soon enough, they make it outside and to Ryland's jeep. He and Ryan sit in the front while Brendon finds comfort staying in the back despite all the empty soda cans and trash around the place. Brendon buckles in, heart in his throat.

While Ryland fixes the rear view mirror, he sighs. "I'm sorry it's such a mess."

Brendon shrugs, and that's that.

They turn on the radio which calms him down a bit. He didn't realize how on edge he was until they made it out of the breakroom, and it's far too late to turn back now. So, in the meantime, Brendon slips his phone out. His finger twitches at the two contacts on his screen, but ultimately he decides to text Josh because he'd say Tyler just needs a break from all his shit right now.

It's then, though, when he realizes he doesn't know whether Josh even knows what happened between himself and Luke.

He bites his lip while texting.

Hey.

Did Tyler tell you what happened on Monday?

He's nervous right now because of the trust he's lost these last couple of days. He doesn't know who is okay to keep around and who's not, which makes Ryland and Ryan's eagerness to eat lunch with him especially alarming.

After a moment, Josh responds.

Yeah, they did. When I got home and you were sleeping. Are you doing okay?

Brendon wishes he knew himself.

Sorry for bringing it up, it's just that two of my coworkers are taking me to lunch right now and I don't know how to feel. I'm really anxious.

I'm sorry.

Brendon doesn't want to feel this way. He'd say Ryland and Ryan have been nothing but kind to him and there's no reason to be reconsidering everything, but he can't help it. It's hard for him to feel safety in anyone else's presence besides Tyler, Josh, or Carina's.

His eyes widen when he realizes he wouldn't see her this weekend.

He won't see her nor his mother.

That didn't even cross his mind when he agreed to look after Jim and the house. Fuck.

He really, really needs Carina right now.

Hey, if anything happens, you call me straight away, okay? I'm here for you, sweetie. I'm working with some people this afternoon but don't hesitate. Making sure you're alright is more important.

Brendon is getting used to the little names Tyler and Josh have been calling him.

He's pretty sure he likes them, too.

Okay. Thank you, Josh.

Sorry again.

Don't apologize.

Brendon's first reaction was to say sorry. His cheeks go a little pink while he leans further into the seat, trying to find some sort of way to hide.

Speaking of, did Tyler apologize?

Yeah, he did. This morning.

If it was possible, his entire heart fell at that very moment. His whole body flushes in those few seconds because he can't believe that just happened. He didn't mean to-- he wasn't thinking about it. It happened. The one thing he was so fucking worried about doing now happened, after two months of knowing better.

Brendon's so guilty, so ashamed that he knows the heaviness in his chest is well-deserved.

Oh my god.

No, no.

I didn't mean to say that.

I'm sorry.

I meant to say they did. They did. They called me this morning and apologized.

Holy shit Josh I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that.

If Ryan or Ryland looked back at him right now they would probably think he has lost his mind; his whole body is flushed, red, eyes wide, and he's trembling beyond belief. He can barely keep ahold of his phone because it's that bad.

He can't process what he's just done.

His phone vibrates and the lump in his throat gets thicker, but nonetheless, he checks it.

Brendon, it's fine. It happens.

Just please be careful with that. Especially right now.

He runs a hand through his hair, swallowing roughly. He expected an outcome a lot worse than that, but he's still not relieved. The only thing that's keeping him from completely losing his composure is the fact that this happened while speaking with Josh and not Tyler themself.

Still, he feels like shit.

I don't know how that happened. This is fucking horrible.

Bren, I understand how you're feeling, but know that these things do happen sometimes. I used to slip up a lot and I still do, really. Just correct yourself, and acknowledge the mistake. That's all you can do.

It's nearly surprising to learn Josh still messes up despite being with them for so long. He would have guessed he's gotten used to it by now, but maybe things really do just slip.

I've never even known Tyler like that..... how does that happen?

Brendon's frowning at his phone screen, a hand over his mouth.

I have no idea. Sometimes, it just happens.

Okay. Yeah.

Brendon doesn't want these things to happen. Especially if it makes him feel like this. In all honesty, he's on the verge of throwing up because of how much his stomach has flipped these last couple of minutes.

He feels sick.

Brendon tucks his phone away and sits as calmly as he could in the backseat for the rest of the drive there which luckily, or not so luckily, wasn't very long. They get out of the jeep and instantly, he thinks he really will throw up.

Maybe it's the fact that it's Wednesday and everyone's at work, and the kids are at school, because it isn't very packed. No, not at all, it's actually empty. This small bit of information eases Brendon down as well as it can. One of the reasons he is so nervous is because being around a bunch of people is exactly what invisible Brendon didn't want right now.

Though, Brendon is failing miserably at being invisible in general.

He, Ryland, and Ryan walk into the small pizza joint, and just like the place itself, he almost feels small as well. Insignificant. Not fully there.

When walking further into the place, they sit down with someone else. Shane. Ryland sits beside him in the booth and kisses his cheek.

Ryan and Brendon sit together.

It works.

"This is Brendon," Ryland smiles, gesturing towards him.

Shane smiles as well, and really, it's sort of contagious. Brendon finds the corner of his lips lifting in return despite the fact that the last thing he feels like doing is smiling.

He's not happy right now. Not at all.

"Josh Brendon?" Shane then asks.

Josh Brendon? That's not his name.

Ryland nods though. "Josh Brendon, yeah."

Oh. Is that how Shane knows him? Is that how Ryland has explained who Brendon is? Maybe he relies on other people for his own identity too much. The thought makes him scoot a bit farther into the corner of the booth, trying to find some way to incase himself in the bubble he built. Become invisible again, because it was working just fine earlier.

"Speaking of," Ryan starts, and Brendon falters. "What's all happening? 'Cause I've heard some crazy shit."

He wonders how bad it really is. How much is his reputation getting ruined daily? It wasn't like he had a very good one from the start, but this situation definitely wasn't helping any.

Brendon stays quiet, fiddling with his fingers on his lap.

Ryan huffs. "Hey, it's okay, man. You don't have to tell us anything."

He wants to. He really, really does. Clear the whole situation up. So why can't he?

"I just thought maybe talking to you a bit more privately about it, like not at work, might help." He mutters. "You can trust us, I hope you know that. Don't let our association with Debby or whatever it might be scare you, because she has nothing to do with this. I'd rather hear what's happening from you than anyone else."

In some way, those words are what helps him feel comfortable out of everything else. Not the booth corner and not the music playing on the speakers, just hearing him say that he can trust them makes him feel like he really can, and he should.

Brendon looks up from his lap, slowly connecting eyes with Ryan.

"What have people been saying?" He asks, so small, so quietly.

All he wants right now is for Josh and Tyler to hold him.

Nervously, Ryan glances to Ryland, wondering if he should expose that information, or if he could help him out with that question.

Which, he does, because he sits up a bit straighter and answers for him. "I've just been hearing that you've. . . Uh, been cheating on Josh." Ryland mumbles, seemingly uncomfortable talking about it because Shane is right beside them, for Brendon's sake, because yeah, he supposed it's rather embarrassing to be talking about something this personal with someone you've just met, but he knows that if Ryland is this kind, Shane must be as well.

"I haven't. Okay?" Brendon utters, eyes too nervous to meet anyone else's.

Ryland nods. "Okay."

He can't help it. Out of paranoia, he then asks, "You believe me, right? I'm not lying."

Ryland nods again. "Yeah, I believe you. Why shouldn't I?"

Brendon bites his lip, heart in his throat. He can't think straight right now, yet it seems like he never really can anyways.

"It's just," Ryland begins, but instantly trails off before continuing.

Finally, Brendon looks up, eyebrows furrowed. "What?" He wonders, because at this point, there's no reason to be hiding any questions. Brendon knows him and Ryan both have probably heard more than he's aware of, and they just need to be honest with him.

Ryland's lips go crooked momentarily. "It's just. . . Who was that other person you were with, then? I mean, I didn't see, but I just heard that Luke saw you and him at Roscoe's and you looked like you were. . . More than friends."

There it is, again. Him.

Maybe that's what caused Brendon to slip; the amount of times Tyler has been misgendered recently has clouded his mind.

He wishes it was different.

"They're not a guy," Brendon mumbles.

Ryland frowns. "Sorry, that's what I heard Luke saying." He connects hands with Shane on the table, needing his support. "Well, uh, who is she then?"

At this point, Brendon just wants to laugh bitterly.

How often does Tyler have to go through this? The thought scares him, because people barely know them and they're already this lost, he can't even imagine what they must get daily. He feels his chest ache the longer he dwells on it.

"They're not a girl, either."

Confusion is written across all three of their faces.

Ryland sinks into the booth. "Oh?"

Brendon huffs. He feels uncomfortable every time he has to talk about their gender because he doesn't know what to say, and he also would rather have Tyler tell him whether or not he could. Give him that affirmation. But, they're out, so why wouldn't he be able to?

"They're non-binary." He says.

Surprisingly, Shane is the one who speaks up. "Like not conforming to either binary gender?"

Brendon pauses. "Yeah." Does he know what it is?

Or it might just be that the label is rather self-explanatory, to an extent.

Ryan is still confused, but nonetheless he nods, because it's obvious Brendon is having a difficult time talking about any of this and he wants to make it easier for him. "So what pronouns should we be using?"

Brendon's heartwarmed that he's asking. "They and them." He croaks out.

Everyone seems to be in agreement. They obviously don't understand fully, but they're willing to try so this tension could pass.

"Who are they, then?" Ryan asks.

Brendon bites his lip, looking at Ryan, then to Ryland. "Promise me you'll just listen and not. . . Not freak out or anything. And that you'll keep this between us until I'm ready?" His heart skips a beat. "Especially don't tell Debby, please."

"Promise." They say at the same time.

This isn't the first occasion, either. It's weird.

Brendon glances to Shane fearfully. He tells himself not to be scared, and he shouldn't be, they'll accept him. Won't they? He hopes so. Acceptance is the only thing he relies on, nowadays.

"Their name is Tyler. They're Josh's spouse." He informs, stomach in knots.

It was much easier when he told Hayley. It was much easier when he had a joint in his hand. It was easier when he was home and only had to worry about an acquaintance's reaction. This is much more scary. These are the people he sees nearly every day, who have more power than someone as little as a neighbor does.

"So you all are together?" Ryland asks.

Brendon exhales, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah. We are."

He can't believe he's told even more people. How many is that now? Carina, Hayley, Ryland, Ryan, and Shane. Five people know? That's a horrifying thought.

"And it's not. . . We all are in a rel--" Brendon stops himself. Sometimes, he forgets they're not officially together. "The three of us are, uh, together. It's not like we switch off from seeing each other or something. . . It's-- we're-- you know."

Ryan hums. "That makes a lot more sense."

Brendon frowns. "What do you mean?" His heartbeat is deafening.

"You just don't seem like the type to do shit like cheating. It's, yeah. This makes sense." He smiles the smallest bit.

There's something about Ryan that makes him feel safe. Things feel casual and comfortable around him, and Brendon finds himself gravitating towards that. Ryan is nice. He's accepting, just like he's wanted.

"Thank you for telling us, Brendon." Ryland pipes up. "We have you."

Hearing that, we have you, makes everything feel alright. Brendon isn't anywhere near invisible right now, but that's okay. No matter how much he considers being in his bubble, sometimes, it's nice to live in the moment instead of secluding himself. There's nothing more prideful and rewarding than overcoming, and that's exactly what he feels like he's just done.

***

When Brendon gets home after work, the one thing that's on his mind is calling Tyler. Possibly to make up for yesterday, or maybe because he needs to reassure himself by seeing them. It didn't matter whether or not it was in person; all he wanted was to look at them and know that things really do slip, but it's okay. He wants to see them to remind himself, punish himself?

He feels horrible, still.

He changes into Josh's hoodie once again and breathes him in although the scent is much more faint now, smelling heavily of weed and Brendon's deodorant.

He'll have to wash it before giving it back.

Brendon slips his phone out of his pocket and clicks on Tyler's contact. He still needed a picture to put for their profile.

Are you busy?

The reply is quick.

No.

Can you make Brennie a happy man and video call him?

Depends. Can you make Tyler happy and let them call you Brennie during the call?

Brendon wonders why it always shifts to where him and the other person somehow talk in third person. It's just strange, but he likes it.

Only if you let Brennie call you something in return.

Careful.

Brendon bites his cheek at that. He knows what they mean, and he's glad he can catch that before saying anything that might make them feel uncomfortable.

Ty?

Okay, Brennie. Ty works. Call me.

He doesn't hesitate. He clicks the video call button and runs a hand through his hair a few times when noticing how much of a mess it's in, leaning further against his headboard.

When Tyler answers, and he sees their face, his heart swells.

He needs them.

"Hey, Brennie." They say.

"Ty," Brendon whispers, a small grin pulling at his cheeks.

Tyler doesn't smile, but their eyes light up in just the slightest. They set their phone down on the kitchen counter and angle it to where he can see everything they're doing. Once again, they're wearing another short shirt, a cropped top. It has Nirvana's logo on it, and they pair that with cargo khaki pants.

Sometimes, the simplest things they do are so good.

"How was lunch?" Tyler suddenly asks.

Brendon furrows his eyebrows. "Did Josh tell you?"

Tyler shrugs. "Josh tells me everything."

Brendon can feel his throat tighten at that. They've said it before, but after what happened today, it strikes something different in him. An absolutely horrible terror erupts, a terror that Tyler knows about the mistake he made.

Brendon, wearily, croaks out, "About going to lunch with my coworkers?"

He needed to make sure they didn't know. He couldn't bare that.

He's not sure they could, either.

"Yeah." They mutter. Then, their eyebrows pull together, looking back at the screen. "Is there something else?" They wonder, leaning with their hands against the counter in an intimidating stance. Thankfully, this is all over the phone.

It seems like this time, Josh hasn't told them everything.

Brendon swallows thickly. "No." A lie. "Lunch was. . . I-I told them about everything. They asked who you were. Everyone's heard what Luke has been saying, everyone thinks I'm cheating, and I just didn't want them to think that, too. So I told them."

Tyler blinks, standing up straight. "Are you okay?"

Brendon nods. "I was really, really nervous at first, but they didn't seem like it bothered them." He bites his lip. "They used the right pronouns."

Unlike himself. He's guilty.

Tyler's quiet, for a while. They're cooking something at the stove, not blinking or moving their eyes anywhere else.

Finally, they let out a chuckle. "It's funny," they say.

Brendon furrows his brows. "What is?"

Tyler doesn't look at their phone screen, they just continue cooking. "More people use the right pronouns when you explain it to them then when I do." They pause, blinking. "Why is that?"

Brendon can feel the way his heart crumbles at that. The fact that they started it off saying it's funny-- when really, it's the least bit amusing-- makes his stomach hurt.

"People don't use the right pronouns when you ask them?" He frowns, body hot.

"People like to ignore things they don't understand," Tyler mumbles.

Brendon is aching.

Tyler turns the stove off, walking in front of the screen and leaning against the counter once again. "Do something for me?" They question, softly.

"Okay. What is it?"

They lay their cheek on the counter, blinking. "Talk to me like you would to someone else when talking about Tyler." They say it quietly, breathing it out slightly.

Brendon's not sure he understands. "What? I-I don't get it."

Tyler huffs. "Brendon. He's shorter than me, but I like it. I feel comfortable no matter what when I'm around him; I feel confident, even. There's something about him that makes me feel big, and not in the bad way. The way that makes me feel like I'm able to conquer anything, and keep him safe." They blink a few times, licking their lips. "Do you understand?"

Brendon's in the process of blushing and frowning.

"Okay." He utters.

He isn't certain where to start, but Tyler waits for him. They run their fingers over the nail polish that isn't nearly as scratched at as Brendon's, just breathing.

"Ty," Brendon carefully starts. "They're the strongest person I know. They carry themself so well, and it makes me want to do better. When I'm around them, I'm safe. I know I am. Their personality is small sometimes, but I know they're big. So big. Maybe even the biggest, and I like that. All I ever want from Tyler is exactly what they give me, and they take care of me even if I'm being shitty. But, I'll do the same for them, so it's okay."

Brendon was so lost in thought that he just now realizes Tyler has closed their eyes, basking in every word.

"Don't stop." They whisper.

Brendon thinks they're weird, but maybe he understands. "Ty," he says again. "I think the way they do anything is perfect, and I don't know how that works. The way they dress, the way they talk, the way their eyes move. It's perfect. I think what's most perfect about them, though, is that they push me to overcome stuff without even realizing it, and maybe that's why I've become so attached to them. They do everything I'm not able to do alone." He doesn't know why his breathing so heavy, or why his heart is racing so much. "They're mine. Is that okay? My Ty."

Finally, Tyler smiles, just a little.

They don't open their eyes, but they don't need to. They let the words sink in.

"Josh calls me that." They say quietly. "My Ty." They smile again.

Brendon bites his lip. "Can you be my Ty, too?"

"Always." They whisper.

Brendon lifts the neckline of the hoodie to cover his cheeks, and that's when Tyler finally opens their eyes. They look refreshed.

"Isn't that Josh's hoodie, Brennie?" They utter.

Brendon is glad his cheeks are covered, because he blushes madly. "Our secret," he gets out.

"We have a lot of secrets." Tyler states.

"Just one more." He pulls at the strings so the hood closes around his face.

"I think I can handle that." They say, fiddling with the end of their shirt. "Though, you might want to hide. The keeper is coming down and he's hungry for some reasoning."

Brendon has absolutely no idea what they're trying to say, but then it clicks when he can see Josh slowly making his way down the stairs.

Brendon has never taken an article of clothing off faster.

When he looks back at the screen, he supposed Josh had no idea he was on video call, because he pulls Tyler close and smacks their ass. Ultimately, Tyler knows Brendon is watching though, and a deep blush settles on their face in seconds.

They whisper something in Josh's ear, and quickly, he pulls away from them, eyes wide when seeing Brendon on the phone screen.

He lets out a nervous laugh. "Oh."

Brendon's eyes are just as wide, really.

Tyler walks back over to the stove. "Now he's witnessed you at your prime." They mutter absentmindedly.

Josh sighs, slowly pressing himself behind them. "I can't help it."

Tyler chuckles. Brendon can't see either of their faces because it cuts off at just above their elbows, but he can definitely see what Josh is doing to them. He has one hand squeezing their pec while the other runs up and down their exposed happy trail.

"I swear you're a sixteen year-old trapped inside an almost thirty year-old's body." Tyler chuckles out.

Josh hums. "That's funny coming from you."

Tyler turns around in his hold. "I just turned twenty-nine, leave me alone. I have to get that twenties spirit out of me somehow."

"Oh, so that's what they call it now? Getting the spirit out."

Tyler pushes him away. "You're gross."

"You like it."

"Doesn't make you any less gross." They say.

It's then, after there's a long moment of silence, where Josh snickers and asks, "Brendon, are you okay?" Because it's like he hasn't blinked since Josh has been downstairs. He's frozen.

He sucks on his saliva and swallows, nodding.

Tyler picks up their phone. "We're going to eat. I'll talk to you later." They run a hand through their hair. "Bye, Brennie."

Brendon finds comfort in the name, and he settles down. "Bye Ty," he pauses. "And Josh."

Tyler chuckles before ending the call. He's glad that's the last thing imprinted in his mind. Though, the sight of Josh slapping Tyler's ass is very overbearing when it comes to anything else.

He doesn't know how to feel, and he doesn't try to.

Brendon cooks himself macaroni and cheese for dinner, sitting alone at the table. He has no form of entertainment besides himself, and even then, his own company is dreadful.

He barely eats any; he's still stuffed from pizza this afternoon. He had a piece and a half then, and now has half a bowl of macaroni.

It's enough.

When putting away the leftovers, he realizes how much he hasn't been home. Most of the groceries have gone bad, or are soon to go bad. Brendon's just lucky he used the last of the milk tonight because by next week he wouldn't have been able to.

He sighs, closing the refrigerator door.

There's nothing else to do besides sleep, so that's what he does. It's not very late-- he probably could have gotten a shower in-- but he doesn't. Instead, he carefully slips Josh's hoodie back on and gets under the covers, laying on his side. He misses the warmth Tyler and Josh give him, and he tries his hardest to not dwell on the fact that he won't feel that for a few days. They're not with him now, and they won't be for a while.

Brendon makes a mental note to hold them tight before they leave on Friday.

***

Thursday after work, Brendon texts Carina. He sat alone at lunch today, and that's all he's felt since. Alone. Maybe even before then, too. He fell asleep knowing he wouldn't get any sort of love or affection for longer than it was bearable, and he woke up feeling that way as well.

Right now, he needs her. It's that simple.

I'm not going to be able to come this weekend. I'm staying at Josh and Tyler's house to watch their dog while they go to a wedding.

Brendon changes into Josh's hoodie again, and for an unknown reason instead of laying down in bed, he slowly crawls onto the floor. He lays on his back, staring at the ceiling.

Awh, okay. Want me to check on Grace when I can?

Yes, please.

You got it. ❤

Brendon huffs. Although having Tyler over at the retirement home this last weekend was a really good experience for the both if them, he did miss the time he got to spend with Carina. It was very limited, and all he wants is his best friend right now to tell him everything is okay.

Carina can you come over?

He sends it out of instinct. It's a lot to ask, but it's all he wants.

Right now?

Right now. Please.

Yeah. I'll be right there.

Send me your address?

Relief floods his system, and he almost feels like crying. He's been so emotional lately.

Brendon does send his address, along with his apartment number, and Carina says she'll be there in twenty minutes. Which, really, is another way of saying that everything will be okay in twenty minutes.

He sets his phone down onto the floor, staring up at the ceiling once more. The longer he looks, to more shapes he sees in it. It's entertaining enough. The only thing that's able to distract him from breaking down for what feels like the hundredth time that year, and it's only the end of February.

***

When there's a knock at the door, Brendon sits up from the floor and rushes to the sound. He opens it, and as soon as he sees Carina, he pulls her close and breathes her in.

"Bren," she mumbles against him.

"I missed you." He croaks out.

His arms are tight around her, hands digging into her sweater and nose pressed into her shoulder. She's so warm, and so comforting. She's all he needs right now and more, and he could never express how thankful he is to have someone like her in his life.

When they pull apart, she gives a soft yet concerned smile. "Is everything okay?"

Brendon closes the door, heart pumping slowly. "I don't know."

Carina frowns. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Once again, he says, "I don't know."

She nods. She understands. Always. He's lucky to have a friend like her.

"Just hold me?" He asks quietly.

"Okay." She whispers.

Brendon grabs her hand and leads her into his bedroom. She's come in pajama pants, a sweater, and uggs, so when they make it to the room she makes sure to take her shoes off before climbing into bed with him.

It isn't weird. It never has been.

Their relationship is completely platonic, and he likes it that way. Carina is younger, but stronger than him; more loving and careful. She pulls him close to her chest and wraps an arm at his waist, the other combing through his hair because she knows best what he does and doesn't like.

It's then, in the dark, when her fingers grip at Josh's hoodie and the beat of her heart thumps in his ear, where he cries. It's muffled by her sweater, but they're both very aware it's happening.

Carina never pushes to know what's wrong, she only lets him get it out.

That's what he needs. To get it out.

Brendon only sobs harder when she presses a kiss to his forehead. She brushes his hair out of his face while she does it, allowing him to grip at her side far more tightly than what was probably comfortable.

"All I ever do is-is-is mess up," he finally says.

Carina lifts his head so he no longer was hiding in her chest. It's hard to see considering the only light coming through is the one from the livingroom, but it's enough for Brendon to see the sincerity in her eyes.

"Sometimes you have to mess up to figure out what's right. It just takes time." She mumbles, running her thumb across his eyebrow.

"Its taken me twenty-nine years." He whispers.

"And it might just take twenty-nine more." She says. "That's not your fault. All you're capable of doing is pushing through and trying your best until you finally have that control. It doesn't come naturally."

Brendon closes his eyes. "I think God knew exactly what he was doing when he made you."

Carina smiles. "It doesn't come naturally." She repeats.

It definitely won't take her twenty-nine years.

"God must have dropped something in the mixing bowl when I was made." He then states, sniffling. He's gotten snot and tears on her clothes.

"Sugar and spice, and everything nice." She comments.

Brendon rolls his eyes, because it's not true at all, yet he can't help but laugh a little. "Stay the night. Hold me tight." He decides. It's the only thing on his mind right now; he needed her here with him for safety.

"You should write a song," Carina mutters at that.

"Maybe later. For now, let's go along with the lyrics." He snuggles his face into her chest once more, clearing his throat. He doesn't feel wrong for doing this, and he shouldn't. He and Carina are nothing more than friends, and it's good this way. It works this way.

"Anything for you." She whispers in return.

Eventually, Brendon does tell her what's on his mind. The fact that she doesn't ever push for an explanation makes him feel comfortable. Carina always knows how to make him feel comfortable. They lay in bed for hours just talking, and he missed this. He likes this. He doesn't have to worry about getting up to check on his mother, because he's at his apartment, and not at the retirement home. It's really, really good, and Brendon makes sure to tell her that she should come over more often before falling asleep against her shoulder.

***

Carina wakes Brendon up earlier than usual, which ultimately makes him furrow his eyebrows together and turn around to look at her. They somehow ended up spooning, and Brendon somehow ended up being the little spoon.

"I'll make you breakfast." She mutters, fingers under his-- Josh's-- hoodie, running up and down his side. Cold fingers against warm skin.

"You don't have to," His voice sounds like gravel from just waking up.

Carina shakes her head. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

Brendon never eats breakfast unless he's at the retirement home, or Tyler makes it. Maybe that's why his days aren't ever very good; he never starts them off like he should.

Carina kisses the back of his neck before getting out of the bed, but Brendon doesn't move. He's warm even when she leaves the room, and he's warm when he can hear her humming to herself in the kitchen. He stretches his legs, curls his toes, and lets out a deep moan from the tension his body just lost.

Truthfully, he feels a lot better. Not physically, but mentally.

As ignorant as it sounds, for Brendon, sometimes getting it out of his system makes him feel better, and last night that just so happened to be crying hysterically against his best friend's chest.

Some way, somehow, it worked.

He feels okay.

After awhile, he turns around and grabs his phone from off of the bedside table, seeing that he has a missed call from Josh only about twenty minutes ago. Is that why Carina woke up? The vibration being too loud?

He doesn't know, but nonetheless, he quickly calls Josh back and brings the phone to his ear.

It takes a moment until he answers, and when he does, Brendon assumes he's outside in the backyard with Jim because he can hear the door close behind him and a few yips from the dog's part.

"Hey, sorry for calling you so early, did I wake you up?" Josh's voice is always relieving to hear.

"No, I've been awake but I only just now saw you called." Brendon mutters, on his back once more, running his fingers up and down his happy trail. "Um, what's up, though? Why are you awake so early?"

Josh huffs. "Didn't sleep too good. Neither of us did."

"Oh," He frowns. "Is everything alright?"

There's a pause. Maybe uncertainty, maybe hesitation. It's hard to tell.

"Uh, yeah. It's going fine." Josh finally says. "I think we're both nervous about leaving Jim for a little. He usually comes with us everywhere we go but it just wouldn't work this time around." He exhales heavily. "And it's not that we don't trust you to take care of him, we do, it's. . . You know, he's like our kid. If anything happens it would just really, really suck."

Brendon swallows thickly. "I promise nothing will happen."

"I know."

"I feel like he's kind of my kid too. I wanna keep him safe, and I will." He then mutters.

Josh chuckles. "Good. That makes me feel better."

Brendon nods to himself, sucking in his bottom lip momentarily. "Is, uh, is Tyler doing alright?" He asks it because really, out of everyone, they seem the most nervous about leaving. From little things, like mentioning to Brendon how soon the wedding is coming up, to lashing out at him only to say it wasn't his fault. It must be-- it has to be because they're anxious. Right?

Brendon would know a thing or two about anxiety when he sees it.

Josh sighs. "It's just been a really long time since they've seen their family." he mumbles out.

Brendon takes that information and swallows it whole. He had a feeling this may relate to seeing their family, and that only confirms his suspicions. Now, it depends on how far it goes.

"Josh," he says.

"Yeah?"

"I'm worried."

Silence, between both ends. Considering what the other might say next, or what's okay to say.

"I'm worried, too." He decides, and Brendon is pretty sure that alone makes his heart beat just a little bit faster because, what does that mean? That definitely doesn't help his nerves when it comes to the situation. "Make sure to hug them tight before we leave, yeah? They've missed you a lot."

"I'll hug both of you as tight as I can." Brendon mutters, meaning it. "I'll be there right after work."

"Okay." Josh says. "We'll be here."

"Don't move," he whispers.

"Sorry to break it to you, but I've gotta so I can finish packing everything." Josh laughs airily.

Brendon sighs. "I guess that's okay."

"I'd hope--" Josh stops, and Brendon is able to hear the backdoor open. It's Tyler, but everything is muffled and not very clear so he doesn't catch it. "Okay," He utters to them. "Brendon, I have to go, but I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"Yeah." He says.

They don't say goodbye to each other before Josh ends the call, but that's okay. Brendon sets his phone aside and finally gets out of bed, deciding to pack a bag that could last him a few days. He packs pajamas, underwear, casual clothes, and his toothbrush and toothpaste.

Once he deems it good enough, he walks out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

"Just in time," Carina smiles when she sees him.

Brendon sits down on one of the two chairs at the table, and carefully, Carina places a plate of eggs and toast in front of him.

Brendon didn't even know he had eggs.

"Thank you," he mutters as she sits down with him.

She nods easily, already taking a bite of the food. "Who were you talking to?" She asks. She must have heard him, considering the bedroom door was wide open and his apartment isn't very big at all.

"Josh." He says. Then, sighing. "I. . . God." He leans back into the chair, dropping his toast on the plate. "I don't know what I'm going to do when they're gone. It's going to be so boring. And-- fuck. I swear if anything happens to Jim, it's going to be all my fault, and they'll never forgive me, I--"

Carina lays her hand on his. "Bren,"

He frowns. "Carina,"

She offers a gentle smile. "Everything is going to be okay. They wouldn't have asked you if they thought you weren't capable of keeping him safe."

Brendon shakes his head. "They have no one else that would have been able to. I'm just a last resort."

Carina's grip on his hand gets tighter, almost like a warning. "Don't talk about yourself that way."

"Sorry." He whispers.

She pulls away from him after that, continuing to eat. He still has yet to take a bite of his food; he's not hungry. "If you need to, text or call me. I'll keep you company." She says, running a hand through her heavily faded pink hair. "But I'm sure you and Jim are going to have a blast. And you said they have stuff to do at their house, so I know you'll be just fine. Stop trying to find things to worry about, it'll never work in your favor."

Brendon huffs, meeting her eyes. "I love you."

She licks the egg yolk off her lips before grinning, poking the tip of his nose with her pointer finger. "I love you too. So much." She pushes the plate of food closer to him. "Now eat your breakfast."

Brendon smiles.

Maybe today really would be okay, he thinks. Maybe the entire weekend will.