Lunch went well, and it's nearly shocking.

Yes, Brendon never finished his food because the ache in his stomach wasn't agreeing, and yes, his heart never slowed down since they got there, but it didn't matter. He had to pretend the table they sat at was full seclusion, because now is his time to spend with Tyler and Josh, and he shouldn't hold himself back by the fear that people beside them would be listening.

He tries his hardest to let loose.

After a while of sneaking Jim food under the table, Josh notices too. Tyler probably did as well, but he already knows they wouldn't say anything even though Brendon definitely shouldn't be doing it.

"Brendon," Josh had scolded him.

He blushes, and nonetheless stops. He's sure Jim got enough, anyways.

It's not long before the three of them are finished, Brendon getting a to-go box, and Tyler not leaving without giving the waitress one last dirty glare.

They walk side, by side, by side, it works out and Tyler does lend Brendon the lint roller like they said they would once reaching their car. In the meantime, while he cleans all the hair from his slacks, Josh is pouring Jim some water into a small portable dog bowl.

"He was supposed to go home and have lunch but I'm not sure he should anymore because of all the food you gave him." Josh laughs, petting the dog's head as he drinks.

Brendon frowns. "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. "It's alright. We've just been trying to teach him not to take food from the table and stuff, so you doing that is going to confuse him."

Brendon understands. He nods, giving Tyler the lint roller back mindlessly. "Yeah. Sorry. I won't do it again."

Maybe.

Jim finishes drinking the water, and Josh helps him into the backseat after getting a few good scratches behind his ear as a goodbye. Everyone is departing; Tyler and Josh hug him at the same time. Again, Tyler's pressed behind him, and again, Brendon's in the middle between the two of them.

"See you soon." Josh mutters.

He then chuckles when noticing Tyler's looking directly at him. Facing him over Brendon's shoulder.

Still, they're towering over both of them.

Josh and Tyler kiss, too, right in Brendon's ear, and it's enough for him to want to pull away. He does, clearing his throat and tugging at the skin of his knuckles again. "See you soon." He mumbles back, staring at them both for a moment before walking away in a rush.

He's not sure why them being demonstrative makes him so shook up, but it does. The constant feeling to flee from the situation settles every time, and really, it shouldn't. They're married. In love. Have been together for countless years. Something simple like kissing shouldn't shake him up, but it does. It will. It has.

He still cannot wrap him mind around the entire idea that both of them are perfectly fine being with another person, doing the same with them as they do with each other. Kissing, touching, hugging-- even fucking.

Brendon doesn't understand.

He's scared of that. Scared of what's to come, because it's only a matter of time before they're doing the same with him.

It's already started. Touching. Hugging. He knows things are coming, and he also knows he's not ready. He needs to talk to them, like Josh said he could, he's just not sure when.

Brendon thinks about this on the way back to work.

***

Wednesday afternoon is a lot different than any typical one. Brendon and Luke sit together in the breakroom, both with Cup 'O Noodle and a drink, conversation light enough to get through. It's fine, normal, casual, until Ryan and Ryland pull up seats and ask: "Would it be okay if we sat here?"

Luke gives them a weary look, continuing to eat his food wordlessly.

Brendon's head tilts. "Where's Debby?"

Ryan shrugs. "She's got Wednesdays off now. I forget why." He looks to Ryland, wondering if he knows, but it seems like he doesn't either.

They both look back to Brendon.

"Uh, yeah. Then that'd be fine." He mutters.

So they sit, Ryland beside Brendon and Ryan at the end. It's quiet for a while, everyone getting situated and taking a few bites of their food-- along with Luke waiting for one of them to speak, to examine, make a conclusion about the two of them-- before anything really happens.

It's Ryland who asks, "So how's Josh?" Looking at Brendon with wide eyes and a smile.

The latter glances towards Luke for a moment, gauging his reaction, and he seems a bit shocked that they know about Josh. Maybe it is shocking; Brendon's almost in disbelief himself that he told them. But, he found comfort in their openness. Especially Ryland's.

Brendon shrugs. "He's good. I went and had lunch with him on Monday, he brought his dog."

Ryland gasps. "He has a dog?"

Brendon chuckles, smiling a bit. "Yeah. His name is Jim."

"Oh, my god." He mutters. "That's so cute. What breed is he?"

"Golden retriever."

"Oh, my god!" Ryland is almost squealing. Today, he's being especially talkative with his hands. Or maybe he always has. "Shane and I have two dogs, Uno and Honey."

"Don't forget about Cheeto. He's my favorite." Ryan mumbles.

"You're bias."

Ryan rolls his eyes, continuing to eat his sandwich.

"Do either of you guys have any animals?" Ryland wonders, asking Luke and Brendon specifically. Brendon's glad they're including Luke as well, because he should be just as much in this conversation as anyone else.

"Uh, they're not allowed in my apartment." He wished they were. Brendon really could use someone, something.

Everyone turns to Luke. "Oh." He finishes chewing his mouth full of noodles. "My girlfriend's allergic to dogs, so I can't really have them in the house." His shoulders lift as he speaks, but Brendon's eyes widen drastically at the information.

"Wait. . . You have a girlfriend? I-I didn't know."

Luke purses his lips together. "I guess it just never came up. I've been with her for a few years now."

Brendon feels like a horrible friend. These are things friends should know about each other, aren't they? One of the biggest parts of someone's life is their partner, or lack of, and yet he didn't know something that important about him.

They even live together.

He's too caught up making things about himself. It's something he does subconsciously.

"What's her name?" He asks.

"Emma." Luke grins widely at the thought.

Brendon nods. "How. . . How long have you guys been living together?"

"About a year now-- well, in our house." He runs a hand through his hair, leaning onto his hand afterwards. "We were living in an apartment together for a while but it wasn't working out. Her brother's just. . . not in a good state, so he stays over a lot."

Brendon frowns. "I can't believe I didn't know that, I'm sorry."

Lukas shakes his head. "It's my fault for not talking about it."

The conversation passes, and the four of them fall into an easy enough rhythm. Brendon supposed Ryland and Ryan were growing on Luke, because instead of being weary, he welcomes their input and friendship. He's glad, because really, they were growing on him too.

Time passes and Luke gets off his break, bidding a "see you later," to each of them.

As soon as he's out of the breakroom, Ryan says, "I like him."

Brendon nods. "I like him too."

"He only just started working here not too long ago, right?" Ryland then questions, taking a sip of, once again, another coconut LaCroix. Maybe it's like Josh and Tyler with their coffee.

"Yeah." Brendon replies. "He said he was being mentored for a while. I don't know."

"He's young, isn't he?" Ryan wonders.

Brendon knows they mean younger, because they definitely aren't very old. Luke is just evidently less grown when it comes to mannerisms compared to the rest of them. It's nothing bad, he has full freedom to be young, maybe Brendon is just too caught up with the future to think about the now.

"Twenty-two, I think."

"Damn. And he's already living in a house with his girlfriend." Ryland shakes his head in shock, texting someone. "I was living by myself until like a year or so ago."

Brendon nods, he finished his food a while ago. "Yeah. I-I didn't even know."

Ryland shrugs. "Good for him, though."

"Definitely."

It goes quiet again, Ryan and Ryland both on their phones. It's okay. This is their time to spend how ever they'd like, and he's sure they've missed a lot since they first came in.

Brendon doesn't really understand what it's like to constantly stress about the activity on his phone, because really, there's very little. Josh and Tyler text him throughout the day, and sometimes Carina as well, but that's it. The only social media he has is Facebook, and even then, he's never checking it because he doesn't see the need to. And, he still has Tinder. Which he should definitely delete by now.

Things are going very well with Tyler and Josh, he'd say.

It's promising.

"Have you gave any thought about going out with us one night?" Ryan asks. "You should bring Josh if you want, too. That'd be cool."

Brendon doesn't know how to let him down easy. There's just no way he'd ever go out with them. Whether it's a club or bar, he couldn't do it and he won't put himself through that. Even if Josh was there, even if Tyler was there, it wouldn't help him.

There's only so much he could do with moral support.

"It's just not something I'm into doing, I'm sorry." He mutters.

Ryan waves his hand. "It's okay, it's not for everyone."

Brendon hums, biting his cheek. Cheek. "Shane is alright with you going out?" It's directed towards Ryland.

He tucks his phone away at the question, turning to face him. "I mean, yeah. He knows I'm not going to do anything. He's my boyfriend. If I did anything with someone else, that's just fucked up."

Maybe Brendon shouldn't have asked, because his throat is instantly getting tighter as he spoke. His jaw clenches a bit too, only because in his situation with Tyler and Josh, he is that other person. But the differences is, they're okay with that. They crave that.

Tyler and Josh's situation is a lot different than others, Brendon is well aware.

"Yeah." Is all he could get out at first. "I'm gonna. . . I'm gonna head back. It was nice talking to you guys."

They don't seem to notice the tension like Tyler or Josh might of. "Okay, see you later."

Brendon tries his hardest to relax for the rest of the time spent at work. He almost feels dirty because of what Ryland had said, and this time, he's not sure whether he should or shouldn't.

***

To say Brendon's motive as soon as he got home wasn't to get high, is a lie.

He changes out from his clothes and switches them to something more comfortable, which also happens to be pair of gym shorts and a large hoodie. This is normal for him. He'd wear it all the time if he could.

Today, he wants a joint. His pen seemed like too little and a bowl seemed like too much. He settles with rolling it on the coffee table, sat on the floor like he did with Josh and Tyler last Friday, and focusing on doing it well enough no matter how difficult that was proven to be because of his trembling hands.

In the end, he manages.

It's not his best, but also not his worst, so he counts it as a victory.

Brendon puts the joint between his lips and lights the twisted end, inhaling ease for the first time that day. He keeps too many things pent up, he knows, so maybe that's why an abrupt sob comes from his mouth after exhaling. His forehead falls to his knee, sniffling desperately. He's tired of this happening. He's tired of being so unbelievably terrified.

There's plenty of things to cry about today, but he's pretty sure this time it's about Tyler and Josh coming over to the retirement home.

The weekend keeps getting closer and closer, and so is his breaking point.

Or maybe this is his breaking point.

His lip wobbles as he takes another hit, shaking his head to himself and allowing the tears to have their release, as well.

Really, the last thing he wanted right now is to have them witness the complete and utter heartbreak he has to go through weekly. The last thing he wanted was for either of them to stay the entire weekend and go through it with him.

Tyler is a lot more brave than he is.

It's his own mother and he could barely maintain himself, but they're volunteering.

It's a respectable gesture, and Brendon couldn't say no. He needs someone there, he knows he does, so it was a mixed opportunity for the both of them.

He worries Tyler will build a strong dislike towards him, some way, somehow, though. He wouldn't understand how it'd happen, but to Brendon, anything is possible no matter how obscure it is.

He remembers what they said, promised, on Monday.

It's enough to help, at least a little.

They do care for him. Both of them do. And it's a feeling he's not used to, so the hesitance with everything makes sense.

He takes another drag, sniffling again.

His phone vibrates against the table. He's sober enough to understand where it's coming from this time, and he's sober enough to still get worried. He picks up the phone, and it's Josh, wanting to video call.

Brendon sits on the floor with a joint in hand and tears on his cheeks.

This isn't good.

He leans forward to wipe his face off with his hoodie, pulling the joint out of sight. Why was Josh so adamant about video calling lately?

Nonetheless, Brendon answers.

"Hello?" He says, almost instinctively taking another hit. He doesn't.

Josh's face fills the screen again, he smiles. "Hey."

Brendon purses his lips. He really hopes he wouldn't notice anything's off. "What's up?" Josh and Tyler may know he uses medical marijuana now, but that doesn't mean he wants to do it actively around them.

"Nothing much. We've just been going through a bunch of old pictures." He shrugs, looking at something off camera. It's Tyler, they come into view and sit on Josh's leg, grabbing his face.

"And Josh is growing out his beard again." They mutter.

"What?" Brendon emits.

Josh rolls his eyes, chuckling airily. "They want me to bring back my beard, so I guess I'm doing that." Tyler's leaning forward and kissing his cheek, then nose, and afterwards, his forehead.

"It's sexy." They say.

"Am I not sexy now?" Josh fake frowns.

Tyler smiles, looking down at him. "You're the sexiest."

Brendon blinks a few times, clearing his throat and taking another drag absentmindedly. Without realizing. He wants to be stoned already.

Of course, he accidentally draws more attention to himself by coughing loud and clear, smoke fleeing from his mouth in a hoard. When he opens his eyes, Tyler and Josh are both looking at him through the phone. He kind of just wants to cry again.

"I'm sorry." He whispers.

"For what?" Josh wonders.

Brendon huffs, shaking his head. "I didn't know you were going to call. I wouldn't of started smoking if I did."

It's quiet it for a moment; he's being stared at as he sits there in shame. Tyler's holding onto Josh's shoulders, resting their head and legs on him now, and Josh messes with their fingers.

"It's okay, you know?" Josh says. "There's nothing wrong with smoking pot for medical purposes. Fuck, I used to smoke it all the time, and it wasn't even medical. It's not my place to judge."

Brendon wants to be surprised by the information, but he's also not. He has been told Tyler and Josh went to frat parties when they were younger, isn't that what everyone does there? Gets fucked up? He wouldn't know, but he could only imagine.

"I just feel like it's disrespectful." He mumbles, still, smoking his joint anyways.

"It's not." Josh declares. "Do what you need to do, okay?"

Brendon nods, closing his eyes. He's coming down from a sky full of misfortune.

"That reminds me," Tyler speaks up. "While you're over here when we're gone for the wedding, if you need to do that, could you do it in the backyard?" They're asking gently, which is good for Brendon right now, because that's the track he wants to be on.

"Yeah, of course." He rests his phone against the ashtray so he didn't have to hold it anymore.

"And, also, what should I be packing for the weekend?" They're clinging to Josh, and Brendon kind of wants to do the same.

"Clothes." He utters, then laughs because it's obvious.

Tyler rolls their eyes. "No. I was planning on going naked."

Brendon finally opens his eyes again, looking at them. It reminds him of when he saw them at the coffee shop a while back after the night Josh bombarded them in the shower. He couldn't stop thinking about them naked then, and now it's happening again.

He's not sure what to even picture, though.

Brendon clears his throat, taking a long, long drag. "Uh, but, you know. Toothbrush and. . . Other stuff you need."

Tyler hums. "Yeah, I guess that was obvious."

Brendon says nothing, he's almost to the end of his joint and he's definitely feeling it now. He can barely think straight, but Tyler's small hum rings in his head, on repeat. It's like he'll hear it forever.

"Jim misses you." Josh suddenly tells him.

Brendon takes his last hit before stubbing the roach away. He holds in the smoke for a second, then exhaling nice and slow. "I miss him most. It's a fact." He shrugs.

"I think he just misses all the food you give him." Josh jokes.

Maybe it's a little embarrassing, but Brendon giggles. He knows he most likely wouldn't stop sneaking the dog food because he doesn't have the willpower for that, so, naturally, he's becoming the fun one out of the three of them. It's no surprise Jim misses him.

"Mhm. Probably." He titters once more.

Brendon supposed his good mood is rubbing off on Tyler and Josh, because they're both smiling too.

"We're trying to keep him in check-- it's not fair you just come along and give him a bunch of food and become his favorite." Josh shakes his head, pulling Tyler closer to him until they're sat in his lap. "Stupid Jim."

Brendon almost gasps. "He's not stupid, he just has priorities!"

He remembers now why he doesn't smoke a whole joint by himself very often, he can't stop laughing for the life of him. Deep down, he knows he'd be embarrassed beyond words if he was sober, but he isn't, and the thought makes him even more giddy.

"Why are you laughing?" Josh is laughing too. It's only encouraging him.

Brendon stops a moment, shrugging, and falling into a fit of laughter again. He might be worried to have the two of them come over to the retirement home this weekend, but that won't stop him from feeling an overwhelming amount of happiness remembering that soon, he's going to have them around again. A video call is nice, but when Tyler holds his hand and Josh leans his head onto his shoulder, it's even better. It probably sounds odd, but both of their touches have become Brendon's comfort source, and he wished they would do it all the time.

He craved affection unannounced, and they fed it to him.

The thought scares him more often than not, and yes, Brendon's stoned out of his mind right now, but he can't wait for Tyler and Josh to touch him again. Whether it be his hand, or a quick tap at his thigh. He finds solace in it all.

For right now, Tyler and Josh can't give him any physical contact, but that doesn't stop them from touching his heart tonight.

They stay on call longer than expected, and none of them mind.

They all miss each other, not just Jim.

***

Just wanted to say happy early birthday to one of my favorite people of all time, faerietyler. Tris, it is unbelievable how happy you make me and tomorrow, I pray you're feeling the same. I love you to death, and I hope you realize you deserve the world and more.

Everyone please send her birthday wishes!