Brendon missed breakfast at the retirement home, he instead comes nearly half an hour before lunch.

Sometimes he thinks about plugging his nose before he goes into his mother's room, but that seems a little absurd and disrespectful. The smell of cinnamon spice isn't horrible, what's horrible is what the smell started meaning to him.

It's awful.

"You feeling lunch today?" He asks his mother once the time comes, sticking a hand into his back pocket absentmindedly. 

She looks up from the television, blankets bundled over her shoulders and eyes in a squint. "Mhm." she nods.

Brendon is relieved, not wanting to drive to another fast food chain again.

He helps his mother with her shoes and gets her into one of her many sweaters, making sure she kept warm. Grace had the tendency to become cold very quickly, especially when it was a chilly time of the year like now.

They head out of her room and begin making their way downstairs. There's already many people at every table, but, of course, Carina has saved a spot for the two of them.

She always does.

Grace sits down on her own once they reach the table, Brendon stays standing, though, watching Carina get up from her seat to bring him into an embrace.

It's strong. Loving. "Are you feeling any better?" She whispers.

He almost doesn't understand what she means, then he remembers what happened last weekend. It was easy enough to say he's feeling so, so much better now. The simplest of things like Josh being so prudent and then hugging Tyler made every tear from the weekend before mean nothing.

Brendon smiles. "So much better."

Carina pulls away, just as happy. "I'm so glad." They sit after this, side by side.

A worker comes by with a cart full of beverages. Brendon gets coffee, as always, his mom getting the same.

Grace and her friend have a steady conversation soon enough. Brendon had learned she's rather quiet like him nowadays, only tending to nod and hum mostly, totally in her own world.

She can't help it.

"Since you're feeling better," Carina starts, leaning into him. "Wanna tell me about the dinner you and Josh had?"

Brendon bites down on the tip of his tongue, nodding, hands tense.

"Well, uh, I learned that he has a dog." He mutters.

Carina's eyes light up. "What kind?"

Lips turning upwards, he says, "A golden retriever. His name is Jim."

She's giddy. Brendon knew how much she loves dogs. Well, animals in general. Her mom had a few cats in her room and Carina had many animals at her apartment. Guinea pigs, fish, and even a few rats. He wanted to meet them sometime, he'll have to ask.

"You need to send me pictures next time!" She exclaims.

Brendon's gaze falls, ignoring eye contact. "I actually went over there again yesterday."

Carina gasps. She is always smiling so wide. "Brendon!"

He's fighting off the grin on his face, looking back up at her, pink cheeks.

"You have to tell me what all happened." She isn't pushing, it's complete and utter excitement for her best friend.

Carina is sweeter than candy.

Brendon breathes out. "Of course."

She asks for everything, and she is convinced he tells everything. In reality, she doesn't know half of the story.

***

Once Grace finishes her food, she turns to Brendon expectantly. He knows she wants to head back upstairs to her room, and watch TV for hours until she's ready to go to bed. It's a cycle.

He sighs, drinking the rest of his coffee.

"Say goodbye." Brendon mumbles.

Grace does, soon sitting up from the table.

Carina holds his hand as he stands as well, kissing his knuckles softly. It's an affectionate departure, knowing they'll see one another soon enough at dinner. Hopefully.

She's so unbelievably supportive. She listened to every word he said about the two Fridays with Josh, asking if he felt comfortable around him, asking if he was happy, asking if he was ready for their relationship.

Brendon is ready.

After yesterday, he hasn't stopped feeling ready.

"I'll see you soon." He tells her quietly before walking off with his mother.

They pass the small memorial of one of ladies in the retirement home who had passed away this morning. There's a memorial nearly every single day. When Grace first moved in, seeing a picture of someone with rest in peace written beneath the frame was beyond upsetting, but after a while, it stopped phasing him.

Being moved into a retirement home was like a death sentence, he hates thinking about it.

Brendon's chest starts becoming heavy once they reach her room.

He unlocks it shakily, opening the door and walking inside after his mother.

"Can we watch Enchanted?" Grace questions.

Brendon is pretty sure it's the only movie she rememebers. If she isn't watching whatever is on telivision, she wants to watch Enchanted. She has many other movies, but Enchanted is her favorite.

He has memorized the whole movie. Even the songs.

"Sure, mom." He crouches down to grab the DVD.

He thinks about the two people who have began meaning the most to him while setting up the DVD player. He wants to watch another movie with them again, hold Josh's hand tighter, maybe even Tyler's.

Brendon clears his throat, sitting down on the couch.

They sit quietly for a while, watching the opening scene, but Grace is tugging at her sleeves.

"I'm hot." She states.

"Take your sweater off," it's simple.

As he says this, his phone vibrates in his pocket.

Brendon feels less tense already, it's a good feeling knowing someone is thinking about him, especially when it's Josh.

When he slips his phone out from his pocket, though, it's not Josh. He's suprised to see Tyler's name on his screen.

Come over on Friday. We'll make s'mores.

Brendon sucks in his bottom lip, cheeks lifting happily. He was hoping they would ask, because he wants to see them and Josh every Friday if he could. Each week would be a step closer to one another, and that's the thought that makes his heart skip a beat.

Okay. What time?

Grace has slowly taken off her sweater, laying it down on the arm of the couch.

Six.

Maybe you can stay over.

He can't. He already lost his Fridays with his mother, he couldn't lose another day, no matter how much he'd rather be with Josh and Tyler.

I can't really. I have things to do on the weekend. If I did, I'd have to leave really early in the morning anyways.

Brendon wouldn't blame them if it seemed like he was hiding something, because he is. He's hiding his whole life, practically, to the two people he's supposed to care about most. He's not sure he'll ever feel comfortable telling them about his mother, and that's something that haunts him.

Soon enough, Josh and Tyler will ask what he does on the weekends.

Soon enough, Brendon will crumble once again.

Let me make breakfast for you at least.

Brendon sighs, looking over to his mom. She'll be okay. He's been late for breakfast these past couple of Saturdays, anyways.

One more wouldn't hurt.

Deep down, he knows it could, though. He's so afraid of becoming just like his siblings; he's so afraid of becoming selfish and throwing his own mother to the side, after all the years she had given up everything to keep their family happy.

That's not who he is, but what if that's who he's becoming?

He frowns to himself.

Fine. Only because everything you've made is really good.

But really, I have to leave early on Saturday.

Brendon really enjoyed all of Tyler's cooking, that was one thing he couldn't deny. He tells them it's for that reason, but really, he mostly wants to see Josh's bedhead and Tyler's morning face.

I'm sure that's why.

Yeah, I'll see you then.

Tyler's knows, he doesn't mind. Of course he wasn't just coming over for food.

Brendon doesn't know what else to say, he only turns his phone off and rests it against his lap, attention going right back to the movie.

Sometimes, Brendon just wants to tell someone about both Josh and Tyler. Tell someone how they dress, how good of a chef they are, how deep he's having to dig to get close to them. He feels incapable, though. He surely isn't ready to confess to Carina, or Luke, and that leaves no one, really.

He looks at his mom for a moment.

Maybe he does have someone.

Brendon shakes his head to himself, he couldn't.

Why would he tell someone that wouldn't even remember instead of someone that would?

Thinking farther into it, that might just be the point.

Instead of having to worry so much about telling his friends, he could practice with his mother in order to ease into talking about the both of them. She wouldn't remember, he knows for a fact she wouldn't.

For once, her forgetting could be a good thing.

Brendon pulls his knees up, turning towards her. "Mom."

"Yes, sweetheart?"

He doesn't know where to start, or what he's even going to say.

"Can I tell you about something?" He asks softly.

Grace nods, eyebrows pulling together.

Brendon breathes out heavily, running a hand through his hair in a nervous manner. Yeah, she might not remember, but she's going to for right now.

"I've been seeing people." He starts. "I usually see them on Fridays, and that's why I haven't been coming then, I'm sorry."

Grace places her hand on his, giving it a weak squeeze. "That's okay."

It's not, he thinks. He'll become as conceited as his siblings; ugly inside, which is much worse than the outside.

Brendon simply hums. "Their names are Tyler and Josh." He informs, saying Tyler's name outloud is a breath of fresh air. "They're married, and-and they're really nice to me."

Grace doesn't say anything, she just nods along.

This is fine.

"Tyler is really good at cooking. They've made spaghetti, and lemon cake, and brownies-- fuck. They were all so good." He closes his eyes, reminiscing on all the food. "I'll have to bring you some of their food one day."

His mother smiles. "That sounds good."

Brendon remembers about the lemon cake he took home, it was gone before he went to bed.

He wonders if they want their container back.

"I like them a lot. . ." Brendon trails off. It gets kind of confusing talking about Tyler, and then about Tyler and Josh, because for others, they probably wouldn't understand he meant he likes the both of them.

"I'm glad." Grace mutters senselessly. "What ever happened to your girlfriend Sarah?"

Brendon pulls his hand away, rolling his eyes. "I haven't seen her since high school, mom. We broke up senior year."

"Oh."

He deflates, leaning away from her, eyes boring into the telivision again.

"Yeah." He huffs.

Well, he tried.

All that matters was that he opened up, even a little bit, to someone about what has been happening behind the scenes. He knows she's probably already forgotten their names, or that he told her he'd bring her some of Tyler's food, but he tries to remind himself he's working his way up to people more important. People who will have an opinion.

Opinions frighten him, but he needs to get over it soon.

Carina needs to know about Tyler, possibly Luke as well.

They need to know Brendon is pursuing a relationship with more than one person after years of not even being with one.

They need to know he's scared of not being enough for them, or too much.

Brendon wants to be free.

Hopefully, one day, he could be, but for now, he's sick to the core.

The two of them end up watching television the rest of the day, missing dinner, and waiting until the sun went down. Once it hit a decent enough time to sleep, Grace was helped into bed and tucked in like a child. Brendon sleeps on the couch, as always, watching reruns of Family Feud only to wake up in the morning with a sore back and neck.

This was his life, always hoping for better things to come.