Brendon chews on his cheek, staring down at his and Tyler's extremely empty messages. He's been doing this since yesterday after seeing them at the coffee shop.

He wants to just do something.

The entire situation is perplexing. Brendon gets paranoid remembering he has to build two relationships for one. It's different, but he realizes everything about Tyler and Josh is different, and he supposed he was too.

He's never thought about it that way until now.

Brendon has never had the opportunity to grow or express himself, while as Tyler and Josh-- assumingly-- have. Brendon's his own worst enemy and holds himself back, refraining himself from blooming. He doesn't know who he is, he doesn't know what he wants, he only knows how feels.

Becoming closer to Josh and Tyler is exciting, so he continues to do it.

Yeah, maybe he doesn't know fully who he is, but does anyone?

Brendon knows who piques his interest, he knows when things are good and when they're bad.

He knows building a relationship with Tyler and Josh is good. More than good.

Brendon grits his teeth, thumbs slowly pressing along the keyboard. He doesn't know what's little and what's too much. He wants to talk freely to Tyler as he does to Josh, but they're not making it that simple. Maybe Brendon's the one making everything so messy.

He just needs to message them.

Hey. I'm really sorry if it feels like I may be avoiding you.

It's an apology, this time he knows it's his fault. This isn't the same with Debby where he was confused about it all, she was evidently in the wrong, Tyler isn't. Tyler's done nothing.

Brendon's done something. Well, he's done a lack of something.

He finally walks out of the dispensary, he was running low again. He runs out fast.

It's suddenly another swarm of paranoia remembering he hasn't told Josh nor Tyler he smokes weed. Although it's normal for him, many people cannot stand it. He hopes they aren't those people, because it's not something he's willing to give up, especially right now.

He has too many things to expose.

Brendon's phone goes off, bile nearly rises in his throat.

It's fine. I get it.

Brendon purposefully not talking to Tyler is not okay. Brendon not being honest with Tyler is not okay. Brendon not treating them the same way he treats Josh is not okay. Nothing about what Brendon has been doing is fine.

It's not fine though. I feel really bad.

Admitting this stirs his stomach. He doesn't feel well, but he hopes this will help them both move forward. Because Tyler knows now, Tyler knows maybe he was avoiding them but it wasn't doing any good.

Brendon is terrified of the world.

Really, don't worry about it.

Okay.

Of course he'll worry about it. He worries about everything.

I went out and bought stuff for spaghetti. I hope you weren't lying.

Brendon smiles to himself, breathing steadily.

Believe me, I wasn't.

He tucks his phone into his back pocket and walks along the sidewalk, looking inside all the stores and boutiques. He had to park farther than he'd like this time around, but it gave him time to observe.

Brendon doesn't go out much.

He's not sure he'll ever take the Ryan's offer. He can do grocery stores and other places that are necessary, but bars and clubs might be his worst bet. His brothers used to try to take him out a lot; Brendon couldn't be there for more than ten minutes without having an anxiety attack.

He's lost so much of his life. He never got the teenage experience everyone would go on about or even as a young adult.

Brendon will be thirty.

Thirty and is just now beginning to make friends, thirty and is just now getting more comfortable pushing himself.

It's heart-rending.

He walks past a dessert shop selling homemade chocolate with a flower stand in front of it. It smells amazing.

Brendon looks back down and his feet and makes sure to step on every divot in the concrete, or the direct center between two. He's done that ever since he was a kid, it's only ever if he pays too much attention to his feet though.

He promptly stops in place before reaching his car.

Brendon turns around, looking back at the flower stand. His lips part.

Getting flowers for Josh and Tyler would be a nice gesture. Romantic, even. Brendon's not used to that.

He bites down on his cheek so hard he winces. He doesn't need to think about it, after weeks of being connected to them, it's the least he could do. Especially for Tyler.

Brendon walks back, the man running the stand smiles at him.

"Changed your mind, hmm?"

Brendon let's out a nervous chuckle, nodding as he looks through all the different flowers.

They're so nice, he purses his lips.

"Don't flowers have. . . Meaning. . ." He mumbles.

The older man laughs. "Yeah, they do." He stands straight. "Who are you buying them for?"

"Uh, a-a love interest."

He nods, pointing to a certain bouquet. "White dittany, supposed to represent love and passion. They're really common for gifts." He then points to one with two different kinds of flowers. "Yellow daffodils and blue violet flowers are for newbeginnings, if that's more of what your looking for. Future success, trustworthiness, affection." He rambles. Brendon's trying to be conscious.

"Oh, and roses, of course." The man smiles. "They're a lot like blue violets; promise, hope. . . Romance."

Brendon gulps, heart in his throat.

He quickly realizes he's buying these for two people, not one.

Does he get two bouquets?

He doesn't know. He picks up the roses, they seem like an obvious choice.

"Alright, that will be--"

Brendon picks up the daffodils and blue violets too. He holds them both, the man seems a bit surprised.

"Oh, okay." He doesn't push further, he's not sure he'd want to. "Both of them would be forty-five." Brendon's eyes go wide, he's never bought flowers for anyone though so he's not sure what the average cost even is. He only pays and tries not to dwell on it too much.

It should definitely be worth it.

Brendon drives home with the bouquets in the passenger's seat, he could only hope buying two was the right thing to do.

***

Maybe shaving his facial hair high wasn't the best decision but Brendon has gotten immune to the feeling so it should be okay.

He has to lean against the sink to steady himself, eyes blinking lightly in concentration. He shaves sluggishly, not because he was trying to be careful but his body couldn't move any faster.

Tyler had already seen how bad his stubble had grown since last Friday, he shaves anyways.

He looks more lively with no facial hair.

Brendon smiles in a hazy manner at the smell of his shaving cream, just finishing the last spot. He rinses the razor off in the sink, and makes sure to clean the leftover spots.

He looks alright.

After a few more glances of himself in the mirror, he leaves the restroom.

He was hungry.

Brendon realizes he needs to go grocery shopping. He has a very little amount of food left in his fridge. He was living off macaroni and cheese and hamburger helper. He ate the hamburger helper without the hamburger.

It was just helper.

Brendon looks through the cabinets, finding a half eaten family size bag of cheetos.

That will do.

He goes over to his couch and gets comfortable, sinking into the cushion and closing his eyes, shoving more than three chips in his mouth.

It's times like these where having a television would be amazing.

He doesn't have one though, he can only hear his own chewing.

Brendon feels something vibrating, he can't wrap his head around what it is so he keeps trying to empty the bag as fast as he can. Cheetos might be Brendon's favorite chips. Well, at least his favorite chips while high.

The vibrating doesn't stop.

It finally dawns on him what it is.

Brendon sets the bag down and slips his phone out from his shorts, answering the call and bringing it to his ear.

He knows he needs to act sober, because he'd much rather have Josh and Tyler find out he smokes marijuana later, when he's fully conscious.

"Hey." Brendon says.

Josh laughs. "Uh, hi Brendon."

He laughs too. He doesn't know why but Josh laughing is only encouraging him.

"Glad to hear you're in a good mood." Josh utters, chuckling lightly to try and calm himself down. Brendon wonders why he's laughing, is he really acting that out of the ordinary?

He only laughs harder at the thought.

"Mhm, very." He mutters.

"That's good." Josh declares. "I was calling to ask if six was alright."

Brendon takes too long to process it, he still doesn't understand. "Six? Six for what?" He asks, confused.

"The dinner tomorrow." He can hear Josh trying to suppress his cackling.

"Ohh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six, six is good." He agrees. Any time is good as long as he got to be with Tyler and Josh. They make him happy, he's glad they're comfortable enough inviting him over to their house.

"Awesome. We're excited to have you over." It's genuine.

Brendon smiles big and wide. "I'm excited too."

"I'm gonna put you on speaker, Tyler wants to talk with you too." Josh mumbles.

Brendon's smile fades, he only nods. If he wasn't stoned right now, this would make him nervous. The last thing Brendon is right now is nervous, though. He actually messaged Tyler today, which is a step in the right direction. He feels a lot better trying to talk with them already.

"Josh, I just wanted to say goodnight." They chuckled, again. That's the second time.

"Well, say goodnight."

"Goodnight, Brendon. I'll see you tomorrow." Tyler breathes, they sound really close to the phone.

Brendon cannot believe he's already going to be around the both of them again. Time has been flying by being with Josh and Tyler, he knows it's not a bad thing either.

"Goodnight. I'll be there at six. Six." He assures.

Chortles fall from Josh's mouth, maybe even Tyler's too.

"Okay." They whisper.

There's a pause, Brendon eats more cheetos.

"We're going to head to bed, good night." Josh pipes up, muffled sounds coming through the phone and then a groan. "I'll see you tomorrow night. At six." He almost giggles.

"Alrighty. Goodnight." Brendon smiles. He should go to bed too.

"Night." Josh mumbles once more before ending the call.

Knowing Josh called to make sure everything was in place makes his whole body tingle because of how ecstatic he is. Or maybe it's the weed. He doesn't know, he doesn't care. He hasn't been able to stop thinking about tomorrow.

Brendon gets up from the couch, he leaves the bag of chips behind. Slowly, he makes his way into the bedroom, falling onto the bed with no remorse.

It doesn't take long for him to fall asleep, he still has cheeto dust on his fingers.