Brendon had barely been able to drink the coffee Josh bought for him. If it was any other time, the coffee would have nearly been finished by now but at the moment he could only take small sips.

He found it hard to stomach anything when both Josh and Tyler never took their eyes off him.

Brendon knew eye contact was important when it comes to making a connection, but the only connection Brendon has ever had was with anxiety, so this was new for him.

Everything is new for him.

He keeps accidentally touching Tyler's foot underneath the table because of how much he's bouncing, and each time they subtly tilt their head. Brendon bites his lip, he can't imagine how Tyler might be taking this, and in reality, he doesn't want to.

So he doesn't, and instead he focuses on Josh.

Josh talks; he talks a lot, and it's sweet.

He's been running his mouth the majority of the hour and Brendon hasn't had a reason to be upset about it, he's not sure he can after he helped him the other day during his breakdown. Josh's voice is what rescued him that day, and to be irritated by it now was seemingly impossible.

He spoke like he was writing scarlet letters and the small lisp that followed made Brendon smile.

Brendon could already tell Tyler felt the same way just by the pure adoration on their face each time they looked his way.

"Josh," they say, interrupting him.

Brendon wasn't exactly paying attention to what Josh has been saying, he was too focused on keeping himself steady.

Josh looks to Tyler, eyebrows furrowed.

"I have to head back to work."

Brendon didn't know they came from work. He frowns.

Did they really spend this whole time meeting him instead of getting work done?

He feels bad.

Josh nods, sliding out of the booth when Tyler nudges him. All Brendon can think about is whether or not Josh had work as well, and if they had both wasted their day with him.

The two of them stand. Still, Brendon is surprised that Tyler is taller than Josh.

He doesn't know why he expected them to be shorter, but seeing them beside Josh, it seems odd. He wraps his arms around their waist and pulls them close so he can tuck his head in the crook of their neck and wish them goodbye.

Brendon glances, his Adam's apple bobbing.

If their relationship continues he can't be so nervous when Tyler and Josh are affectionate, they have all the right to be; they're married, Brendon needs to remember this isn't an every day relationship they're trying to start, it's alternative.

Tyler kisses Josh's forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too." He says. They pull away from one another.

Tyler looks to the side. "Bye, Brendon. It was nice to finally meet you in person."

He nods quickly. "Yeah, yeah, definitely." He mutters, pursing his lips into an awkward smile afterwards.

Tyler kisses Josh one more time before leaving, waving Brendon goodbye.

Josh doesn't sit down until he watches Tyler leave and get into the car safely. "So," he starts once it's only he and Brendon. "What's really making you nervous." He doesn't seem upset or stern even, just curious.

He wants to know the truth.

"I told you. . ."

"You told me. Yeah. I just have a feeling there's more to it." Josh is reading Brendon better than he can read himself.

Brendon doesn't say anything.

How could he tell Josh what's eating away at him? They just met.

Besides, he's not sure it's ever a good time to tell someone their husband makes him overwrought.

"Brendon, I know this is our first time meeting in person, and maybe I'm asking for too much, but all I want is honesty." Josh is caramel and Brendon's dark chocolate.

Maybe honesty isn't the problem. Maybe it's conversing in general.

Brendon's never been good at that.

"Josh, I-I don't wanna sound rude."

"Fuck sounding rude, telling me how you feel is more important." He shrugs.

Brendon is biting the inside of his mouth. This is what he was worrying about the most and he told Josh this; he didn't want to say something to ruin whatever they had built these few weeks. He had the decision to tell Josh his nerves surrounding Tyler and possibly hurt his feelings, or lie.

Brendon doesn't lie to people he cares for, though.

He takes a deep breath in, nodding to himself.

Josh will understand, right?

"I'm just really scared of messing up with Tyler."

Josh doesn't say anything, he's waiting for Brendon to explain.

Brendon sighs. "It's-it's not that I don't accept them, no, no, I just don't know if I understand everything and I don't want to fuck up. The last thing I want to do is hurt their feelings, or-or yours."

If it was somehow possible, Josh's face softens even more.

"That's what you were scared to tell me?"

Brendon frowns again, he does that a lot.

"Hey. It's okay, alright?" Josh moves his hand closer to Brendon's but doesn't push it any further. This is a start, not a shove. "Don't you realize I went through the same thing? If you have questions about anything, you can ask them; they're very open about it and don't get upset easily if you don't understand everything." He takes another sip from his coffee. "You can ask me even, I've learned a lot being with them."

Brendon forgets Josh didn't know anything either when he and Tyler first got together.

"I know. . . And thank you, it means a lot." He squeezes his thighs together.

They sit with silence longer than he'd like.

Josh clears his throat.

"Well, do you want to ask me anything?"

Of course Brendon wants to ask him something. He has so many questions and a very limited thought process for them. But is it right to spill them all out to Josh?

"I don't know. . ."

"Maybe start off with something less personal. They should help you with stuff like that, not me." Josh sounds certain Tyler will open up to Brendon, and maybe they will in the long run, so when? Tyler didn't seem like the type of person to let just anyone in, and maybe Brendon shouldn't come to a conclusion that fast, but that's all he seems to do when it comes to them.

"I, I guess. . . Do a lot of people understand? Like their friends and family?" It must be difficult to know someone for so long as a completely different person than who they really are.

Do their parents use the right pronouns? Or their siblings?

Does Tyler even have siblings?

Brendon knows nothing, and it's his fault too.

"Tyler and I have the same friends, and the majority of them live over by the coast so it's not often we get to see them." Josh starts, he leans back and pulls his hand away from Brendon's. "They try to the best of their ability to get it, I mean, they've known us for so long. Whenever all of us hangout they've just gotta not make it a big deal, because it's really not." He lifts his shoulders once again.

Josh is right; it cuts deep.

The whole situation with Tyler, them being non-binary, is not something to be fixated over.

So why is Brendon so attached and tormented by the idea of it?

He's caught in the middle of the negative and positive emotions.

"We don't visit with their parents very often, so. . ." Josh goes quiet after that, it makes Brendon uneasy. He wonders whether or not they're avoiding Tyler's parents purposefully, or if it's only a time management thing.

"Tyler's really brave, I would never be able to tell anyone something so personal." He bites his lip, nodding as he goes along.

Maybe the statement was odd, Brendon wouldn't know.

"It's a choice of being scared of your loved one's opinions or being true to yourself." Josh knows a lot about Tyler, which is relieving in a sense no matter how strange that may sound. One of the biggest reasons Brendon has never felt comfortable being in a relationship is because he doesn't know whether or not his partner would be so invested in him.

Josh knows Tyler so well. It gives him hope that maybe someone will care for him like that.

There's a chance Josh and Tyler will care for him like that.

He's fighting a smile.

"I didn't understand at first either but the more they talked about it, I got it. Would you want someone to hurt you ever time you spoke with them just because of a word?" Just using the right pronouns is a huge key to Tyler's happiness, it's crazy how much words can control someone.

Brendon can't imagine the guilt he'd feel ever slipping up.

"Um, have-have you ever, you know, accidentally used the wrong--"

"All the fucking time." Josh sighs, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah." Josh doesn't bother to hesitate. "It makes you feel like shit, and you don't mean to it either. But, you know, I knew them as he and him for so long that changing the way I spoke about them was really difficult."

"Do you feel like it might be easier for someone who never knew. . . th-th-them before they identified as non-binary." Brendon goes hot while speaking. He almost just did it.

Brendon's never had a situation where he's had to use different pronouns besides the everyday ones. It's still not easy, even when he's only known them for who they are now.

"Definitely." He says. "See, you go through a routine. I wouldn't have to think twice, it was just oh, him and I are going out, but after they told me, I kind of had to train myself not to do that. It was almost like changing everything I knew."

"Do you ever wish it wasn't like that?"

"No way. It really only brought us closer in the end." Josh smiles. "They found trust in me they didn't feel before."

"I'm really glad." Brendon's lips wobble.

It has to be two or so by now. He's spent so much of his day solely having a conversation, which is very out of the ordinary for him. It's been nice, though. Although having Tyler around hadn't been the easiest, Josh is doing his best to make him comfortable, and if Brendon didn't know better, he'd say it's working.

"I want you to feel comfortable around us. I really do. Especially around Tyler."

"I do too." Of course Brendon does.

All he's ever wanted is affection from another. All he's ever wanted is for someone to feel passionate about him. To think about Brendon and smile.

Was that a possible for him?

"Tyler is such a good person." Josh wears his heart on his sleeve unlike Tyler. They have such a different contrast between one another. "And I'm happy you feel the same way because I was really hoping, if you feel comfortable, to come over for dinner one night."

Brendon gulps. "Like. . . At your house?"

"Yeah. At our house." Josh can tell being in a public place seems difficult for him. "Only if you feel ready, because I feel like this has gone really well."

"It-it has gone really well. I'll definitely go for dinner."

Josh is beaming. Brendon is too, just a lot more subtly.

"Awesome." Josh chuckles. "Tyler needs to cook for someone else other than me."

"They like cooking?"

Josh scoffs. "Loves it."

"Any good?"

"Great."

They both laugh lightly.

"As much as I hate it, I've gotta take pictures for a family in about half an hour, so I gotta go." Josh purses his lips. The last thing he wanted was to leave Brendon right now.

"Oh. Uhm, okay." The two of them stand. Josh finished his coffee, Brendon was another story.

"I've had a great time, Brendon. I'm so glad we got to meet." The close contact makes Brendon's heartbeat increase, Josh just being near him like this is, and has been, making him nervous.

"I am, too." Interactions feel like they never get easier.

Brendon's awkward, in every shape and form. The way he stands, the way he talks, every motion he makes.

It's obvious, anyone can catch on, and that's exactly what Josh is doing right now.

"I'll text you." He says, running his hand along Brendon's shoulder as he walks past him.

He's gone, and all Brendon is left with is himself and the crowd of people in this shop. He hadn't notice until now he's trembling. Shaking like he has been out in the cold for hours. Has he been shaking like this the whole time?

That's embarrassing.

Brendon takes it all in.

He can't believe he made it through. It wasn't nearly as bad as he thought it would go, either.

This gives him hope. He pushed through this, no matter how nervous he was that he wouldn't be able to, and tackled it. The next thing he needs to tackle now is being in Tyler and Josh's own home.

Brendon exhales.

He hopes he's doing it one step at a time.