
Chapter 18 ➛Shadow Talks
Once I woke from a fresh few hours of sleep, I felt calm for the first time since the previous night.
I was safe. I was protected. I was loved.
I was innocent.
When the words entered my mind, emotions started to flood inside of me.
Was I truly innocent? Hadn't I committed terrible sins that might've escaped my eye?
I heaved a sigh and buried my face in the palms of my hands. Was this never going to end? Would my life be like this until the end of my days? Filled with insecurities and terrible events? If so, I wouldn't really mind it to end early. I was not interested in a life filled with unhappiness. When was my deserved happy-ending going to arrive?
I had come to believe that I had been cursed ever since I was a child. Cursed to never feel true happiness without the universe trying to destroy me.
And now, it looked like I had received a confirmation of that belief.
My mind drifted off to the note I had found earlier and I felt a knot form in my stomach.
'Enjoy your life, while you still can.' That was what it had said. But this ominous message could mean two things:
I was going to get killed by some paranoid guy, who I had apparently, caused pain, one way or another, and now I had become the victim of their vengeance. Or, someone would make my life so miserable, I would actually be better off dead.
Either way, my life wouldn't magically improve out of the blue. If there truly was someone after me to destroy my happiness, then I had no power at all to stop them. I didn't even know who they were.
Lately, I had been experiencing numbness whenever I was alone. Sometimes I cried until my feelings had faded and all I felt was a pit where they used to be. Just an empty pit.
This made me feel like I was losing control over myself. Like I was about to tumble down an endless road of darkness.
I've been tried to convince myself more than once that my moment of happiness would come eventually, but I was starting to doubt that. After every single bad thing that had happened, it felt like just another piece broke off of my already shattered heart.
But I had managed to grasp something that gave me hope. And hope was something I desperately needed if I wanted to regain my will to continue living.
I glanced up at Grindelwald and smiled shyly. He was the one giving me hope. No matter how little, hope could always get me through anything. And besides that, he also made the feeling of loneliness fade, no matter how little.
I leaned on my elbow and took a minute to examine him with a small smile. His hair wasn't standing upright like it used to do. Instead, it had been kind of flattened which looked a little strange, but not unfamiliar. I grinned and placed my hand on his which was resting on my waist.
His breath hitched in his throat and he slowly opened his eyes. I smiled the entire time as I let him take his time to fight the disorientation. First, he glanced curtly at the window before turning to me.
He noticed my smile in the light of the upcoming sun and returned it with one of his own.
''Have you slept alright, darling?'' he asked slowly, stroking my hair carefully. ''I did, actually. I didn't have any nightmares, thanks to you.'' My smile widened and I lay back down on the pillow keeping my gaze fixed on him.
He grinned broadly. ''So I'll take that I've managed to achieve the impossible?''
I raised an eyebrow and watched him questioningly with a small smile of confusion.
''It's fair to say I've managed to distract you.''
I watched him with a thoughtful expression. ''I suppose. You did quite alright,'' I said nonchalantly.
He smiled but then sighed. This worried me slightly and I looked up at him. ''(Y/N), I need to show you something.''
I frowned at his sudden change of mood and slowly asked, ''Is everything alright, sir?''
''It's really important. But I need to show you. If I just tell you I'm afraid it'll only raise questions.''
He got up and started dressing up which made me watch him perplexed. Usually, he'd make excuses to stay in bed longer, but now he seemed to be having an urgency of some kind.
I felt my stomach drop when I realized it must be something serious if it could manage to change his mood this quickly.
I watched him scurry around the room a little uncertainly, not sure how I was supposed to feel about the current situation.
But since he seemed to be so serious about what was about to happen, I guessed it would be the best to just do as he said. I also had a feeling that he was not going to answer any of the questions I'd ask anyway.
But before I could even start dressing up he had already finished and he was watching me with a little nervosity.
''I'll see you in my office in five minutes,'' he said finally after some time.
Once the door had closed behind him, my mind was being under attack of floods and legions of thoughts.
If it was so serious, then maybe it had something to do with Queenie. Or maybe something had gone wrong and it had some damn serious consequences. Or, maybe my family had once again had got me into trouble.
Suddenly I felt a little angry. He had just awakened when he turned so grave, which meant he knew it for more than a day already and he had decided to wait until morning to tell me?
I didn't like it when people hid things from me, but I told myself that he must've had his reasons for doing so. But the gnawing feeling remained in my chest.
I sighed and looked into the mirror to tie up my hair. My eye caught the golden necklace that hung from my neck and it made my anger fade away. I took it in my hand and closed my eyes.
''He must've had his reasons,'' I whispered under my breath. Before leaving the room and cautiously entering the corridor.
I was glad when I was standing in front of the door to his office, unharmed. I was still a little uncomfortable to be wandering around the corridors of the castle alone.
I quickly entered the office.
And at first, I didn't notice him sitting behind his desk and he looked like he could be in another world, deeply sunken in thoughts, his skull-hookah sitting in front of him on the desk. I stood by the door, not quite certain what to do.
I was about to speak so I would receive some clear instructions on what to do, but he held up his hand to stop me, which made me quite curious about how he knew I was about to say something since he hadn't looked at me once since I had entered the room.
''Sit.'' He motioned towards the chair opposite him and shifted his gaze towards me, his eyes following me with every step I took.
He was acting strange and it made me feel quite uncomfortable. The nervousness I had noticed earlier had vanished and I wondered why. But there was a more burning question in my mind that I needed answered, ''Sir, what's wrong?''
He ignored my question and continued to watch me intently. ''I wanted to tell you yesterday but you got me quite worried.''
So he did have a good reason! Me and my preconceptions, I thought annoyed.
He took his time to study my expression before he cautiously continued, ''I've had a vision. A vision involving the Greater Good and you.''
His manner of speaking made me feel nervous but curious at the same time.
I opened my mouth to speak, but again, he interrupted me. ''I didn't tell you earlier because of what had already happened to you. But now I've had some time to think about it, I do think it's best for you to know. Despite everything that has already happened to you in the last few weeks.''
I felt my stomach churn. It was something bad.
''It's very important that you are informed about what our next step will be. Which is why I will show you the vision I had yesterday.''
Before he took the pipe of the skull-hookah, he watched me for confirmation that I was OK with what was about to happen. I swallowed and nodded hesitantly, having absolutely no idea what to expect. Then, he blew a big cloud of smoke that slowly closed in all around me and slowly grew darker until I saw almost nothing at all.
After some time I grew uncertain and was about to say something, but then I got startled by a sudden bolt of lighting that afterward left a small charred spot on the ground in the middle of a snow-covered clearing.
I was looking around as I was starting to be able to see more than only the dark smoke. It started with just the ground, but then also some surrounding trees started to become visible in the distance, then a mountain which was completely covered in snow.
I gazed at a vague figure laying on the ground some yards away from me.
I squeezed my eyes to slits as my sight slowly zoomed in, without moving my feet. It felt quite strange, but that feeling was quickly overcome by shock and anxiety as I started to realize who was lying in front of me.
''Credence,'' I gasped, taking a rather uneasy step backward as I recognized the boy's pale and bloody face. He was covered with cuts and his eyes had rolled up into his sockets which gave it quite a spooky feel about it.
Suddenly another boy stepped from the fog behind him and looked at him as a single tear dripped down his chin.
I was surprised by the sudden appearance, but somehow something seemed familiar about the boy.
I took a step toward him and looked at his face with curiosity and confusion.
Suddenly it hit me. His eyes. Those grey, empty eyes. Eyes which hid great pain and a hurt past.
Those eyes. I had seen them before.
Suddenly I heard a screech which startled me and made me look up at the dark starless sky. A dark crow soared over our heads. The boy also looked up, with some kind of mixture of anxiety and sadness showing on his face.
We watched it descend and land on a bare tree branch which creaked slightly under its weight. And I half-expected the branch to snap in half beneath its weight.
I fixed my gaze on the bird, familiarity scratching the back of my mind. But then my eye caught sudden movement close-by and I shifted my gaze. The boy stumbled a few steps backward when a dark figure slowly approached the dead tree and waited for the bird to hop down onto its shoulder.
Face hooded completely, the figure approached slowly, as if it was already convinced its prey had been cornered and there was no way for them to be able to escape.
It stopped just a few feet away from the boy and offered him a hand pale, cold looking.
The boy watched it hesitantly before throwing a glance at Credence's lifeless body, and then back at the figure standing in front of him.
He slowly extended a hand. And just before he looked into its eyes, the figure threw off the hood to reveal a completely scarred face. He grabbed the boy's hand and they dissolved immediately along with the smoke.
And then it was just me and Grindelwald in the office again.
Once I had managed to recollect myself for a bit, I looked up at him almost demanding an explanation with my expression.
If this was a vision of the future, then I was afraid I wouldn't want to experience it. Now I knew what people meant with how you'd rather not know your faith.
''Aurelius won't be able to kill Dumbledore,'' he said, sighing heavily. ''We cannot let him face this faith, not now we know what happens if he does.''
This meant that his search for Credence the past years had been for nothing. And I felt bad for him.
I looked down before I spoke up again. ''But Dumbledore, isn't he....''
''Supposed to die? Yes, he is. But Aurelius won't be able to do so, at least, not alone.''
Everything he said made me feel confused at the moment. I knew we would have to get the boy, but something about him made me feel terribly strange.
He looked at me for some time, before he asked, ''And the crow? Did you notice anything about it?'' he asked cautiously.
I stared at him with wide eyes when his words hit me. ''It was the crow from yesterday. The one that delivered me the letter!'' I said my voice rising. Mostly because it made me feel anxious to know we would meet the crow again in the future, but also because that meant we now knew what the person that threatened me looked like. A face like that wasn't easy to forget.
He nodded slowly.
I looked down at my hands which sat folded in my lap and asked softly, ''Who was the boy?''
I had finally managed to connect those eyes to a memory. They seemed familiar because I had exactly the same eyes. Eyes filled with pain from the past. Pain from all the people that had at least once hurt me without caring.
I feared what he was going to say, but also wasn't surprised when he did. ''That, was your brother, (Y/N).''
I closed my eyes to stop the forming tears from falling.
''We need him. For the Greater Good,'' he said slowly. He did seem to feel sympathetically, but I couldn't quite realize that. My mind was growing hazy and I felt my throat grow dry.
But I nodded nevertheless. I was not going to be weak at this point.
It was done now. Decided. I was going to meet my little brother. I was only starting to doubt if I would be strong enough to endure that.
I felt my knees buckle and I startled trembling slightly.
''(Y/N), I know this is really hard for you,'' he said, standing up and slowly walking around the desk towards me. ''But this is really important. I need you to stay strong, and talk to me whenever you need anything.''
I started to feel the tears burning in my eyes again and I felt like I was having a hard time to suck in air. He lifted my chin so I looked into his eyes. ''Calm your breathing. Very slowly,'' he said stroking my cheek.
I adjusted my breathing until I had regained control again. A tear escaped my eye and made its way down my cheek. ''I'm sure you can do this. You're really strong.'' He placed his hand on my cheek and smiled. ''I'm sorry you have to go through this too,'' he said leaning down on one knee to embrace me.
''I hate to be adding so much weight on your already overloaded shoulders. You deserve some time to relax,'' he said holding me tightly.
''What's his name?'' I asked leaning back so I could look at his face.
He looked at me uncertainly and sighed, ''You do not share the same surname because when your parents went into hiding, they took fake names upon themselves as extra safety measures.''
He waited for a reaction, but when that didn't come, he said,
''His name is, Tom. Tom Riddle.''
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