Prologue

It was our last year of college when I decided to take him back.

"By the end of the school year, since graduating naman na kayo, we'll do a huge fashion show. I'll invite the most well-known fashion icons and fashion designers so I want you to take this seriously because they might help you in creating your own clothing line in the future," said our professor in fashion merchandising.

I heard the squeals of my classmates, especially my three gay best friends, Rapsly, Clifford, and Cali.

"Jesus, calm down, people," tawa ni Ma'am. "You'll need at least two models and four designs for each. One male and one female."

"Ma'am, does that mean we'll have to design eight clothes?!" ekseheradang tanong ni Nime.

"Hindi ba obvious? Four nga per each, e! Goodness! Common sense is so rare!" sigaw ni Rapsly na nagpatawa sa amin.

Nime grunted. "That would be a lot of work."

"Ma'am, nagrereklamo..." sumbong ni Cliff.

Umiling na lang ako sa kanila habang nakangiti. I don't know what's with Nime but they really like pissing her off. Wala namang ginagawa ang babae.

"I require you to have this done. Imo-monitor ko ang portfolio niyo every month. If you fail to attend the fashion show, you'll immediately have a failing grade. Tres agad."

"Hindi naman bagsak 'yon!" ani Cali. "Pasang awa lang, Ma'am."

Our professor grinned. "No one wants a tres, right? Alam niyong napakahalaga ng grades when applying for work, especially in our field."

Natapos ang klase namin na 'yon lang ang pinag-uusapan. It excited my classmates. Even me. That was the one we were all looking forward to. Marami na kaming designs pero iba pa rin kapag tatahiin mo na.

"Mas pinoproblema ko ang paghahanap ng models! Mas mahirap 'yon!" reklamo ni Cliff habang naglalakad kami papunta sa next class.

"Kaya nga, e. Ang busy pa naman ng lahat ngayon. Panigurado, kailangang gastusan pa ang models," Rapsly agreed.

I stopped walking when I saw my ex-boyfriend dominating the pathway with his bandmates, Rhome and Zane. Nakasukbit ang gitara sa balikat niya at dahil sa init ng araw ay kuminang ang silver piercing niya.

"Natulala na naman ang isang Reese Deborah," natatawang pang-aasar ni Cali sa akin bago ako akbayan. "Guwapo, 'no? Tanga mo. Pinakawalan mo pa."

"Etits na, naging bato pa," dagdag pa ni Cliff.

Hindi ko alam kung hindi niya ako nakita o talagang hindi niya lang ako pinansin. Lagi naman, e. Kahit harap-harapan kaming magkatapat, lalampasan niya lang ako na parang hangin.

Nang mawala sa paningin ay saka lang ako humarap sa mga kaibigan. My mind completely went silent.

"Tara!" I said as if nothing had happened.

Mabilis din namang nawala ang usapan dahil lagi naman 'yong nangyayari. Tuwing nakikita ko ang lalaki, lagi na lang akong nawawala sa sarili. It had been over five years since we broke up, yet he still had my heart and my attention.

"Si Melanie ang kinuha kong female model," I informed them, referring to the famous model.

Narinig ko agad ang pagtutol nila.

"Akin 'yon!" halos magkakasabay na saad nila.

I smirked. "Too late, girls, I already texted her and she agreed."

"Ah ah, bwisit ka talaga!"

Nag-sketch lang kami sa sumunod naming klase. Matagal 'yon lalo at seryoso kaming lahat sa ginagawa. Kahit ang kadalasang maingay na sina Rapsly at Nime ay hindi nag-aasaran.

After working on my drawings, I looked out the window and witnessed how the sky changed its color from golden hues to a diverse array of dark blue and purple as the sun set.

I smiled to myself. Mag-gagabi na.

"Guys, bukas niyo na ituloy 'yan. I'm dismissing you."

I checked all my classmates after hearing that. Maunti lang kami, nasa sampu, kaya lahat kami ay close talaga.

We came from different provinces and cities. Ang tatlong kaibigan at ako ay galing pa sa Cebu. Sina Nime, Red, at Tricia naman ay taga-Davao pa. Ang tanging taga-rito lang sa Isabela ay sina Mizuki, Gianne at Hannah.

If it wasn't obvious, we were fashion design students. We were taking a Bachelor of Arts in Fashion Design and Merchandising. I could take it in Cebu, but I chose to study here in Isabela because, aside from the fact that SEU was one of the most promising universities when it came to fashion design, I wanted to see... him.

My Rouge.

People often referred to him as Harvin, but I didn't like that name. It made him sound like a good boy.

"Debs, let's go! Night swimming tayo mamaya," yaya sa akin ni Cali.

Sumilip ako sa pinto at nakita kong nag-aabang na pala sina Rapsly at Cliff doon. I quickly fixed my sketchpad and pencils. Matapos 'yon ay lumabas na rin ako kasama si Cali.

"Nag-react ako sa story niya sa instagram tapos nag-thank you siya kaso may kasunod na kumusta!" kwento niya nang nasa labas na kami.

"'Wag kang magreply, aasa ka lang d'yan," ani Rapsly.

Cali pouted. "Too late, beb, too late."

"May mga na-contact na ba kayo na models? Baka maunahan tayo ng mga kaklase natin," singit ni Cliff.

"Wala pa... pero naiisip kong kumuha sa ISU para hindi masyadong mataas ang talent fee. Alam mo naman ang mga tao rito," Cali replied, referring to Isabela State University.

"Hindi naman kasi nila kailangan ng pera. Ikaw ba, Debs, may nakuha ka na?"

I shook my head. "May nasa isip ako pero kukumbinsihin ko pa."

"Sinetch?"

Tumigil kami sa paglalakad habang inaantay si Rapsly na buksan ang sasakyan niya.

"Si Rouge."

Sabay sabay nila akong minura ngunit ngumisi lang ako.

"I'm serious," I added. "Sa kanya lang bagay ang designs ko."

"Sa kanya bagay at siya ang iniisip mo habang ginagawa mo ang portfolio mo, shuta ka!"

Sumakay kami sa jeep wrangler ni Rapsly. He came from the richest family in Cebu kaya at the age of 21, may sarili na itong sasakyan. Pamilya rin nila ang may-ari ng tinutuluyan naming villa na halos kalahating ektarya ang laki.

"You're digging your own grave, Debs," Cali uttered. "But I like it."

"Hindi naman ako makikipagbalikan... gusto ko lang siyang gawing model."

They laughed in chorus. "And we all know that's a big fat lie."

"Well, kung gusto niya, why not?" I laughed.

Hindi ko na pinakinggan ang mga pang-aasar nila at isinandal na lang ang ulo ko sa upuan.

My Rouge's face automatically filled my mind.

Harvin Rouge had thick, lustrous, and unkempt dark brown hair. His hazel brown eyes, framed with graceful brows, had this unfathomable depth. And his skin... it was flawless... like a fine smooth cloth. He had rugged features, almost as if he radiated the vigor of a living warrior.

At first, his eyes looked like they were pitch black, but if you looked at him closely, you would notice that they were actually hazel brown. I had known him for years. I memorized all his features. Kahit ang buhok niya. Sa unang tingin ay parang itim na itim ngunit kapag inisa-isa ang hibla ay nasa mas matingkad na kulay ng tsokolate.

I fell in love with him at 14. At that age, I was sure that it was love. I met him even before my friends. We were classmates, seatmates to be exact. Sa Cebu siya nag-highschool dahil taga-roon ang abuelo niya at ang plano namin ay doon na rin magko-kolehiyo.

But things just get out of hand.

We were together for two years. Simula noong grade 8 hanggang grade 10. It was going well until that freaking thing happened.

He was mad at me, and I understood where he was coming from. He had the right to be mad.

My friends and I reached the villa in no time. Simula noong first year ay dito na kami nakatira at kapag bakasyon ay umuuwi kami sa Cebu. It was nice living with your friends, kahit na madalas ay maiistress ka lalo at may mga oras na iyak nang iyak si Cali dahil niloko na naman siya ng boyfriend niya.

May sari-sarili rin kaming kwarto. Nagpalit muna ako ng swimsuit dahil nagkayayaan kaming maligo sa baba. Sinabihan na rin ang mga helpers na sa garden dalhin ang pagkain.

Dahil feeling prinsesa ang tatlo, hindi na ako nagulat mang mauna ako sa pool. Inulubog ko ang katawan sa tubig at isinandal ang ulo sa semento. The sky was filled by the glow of the stars.

My parents wanted me to take business management or anything that was related to business, but I pushed through my dreams. I always wanted to be a fashion designer. I wanted to go to Italy and create a name for myself.

Kahit na hindi nila gusto ang kinuha ko, hindi nila ako pinigilan. They still supported me. And I'm grateful for that.

Five years from now, I could see myself, along with my friends, having our own clothing line in the Philippines and some parts of Europe. It was not impossible. Our families were rich. Credentials at portfolio lang ang kailangan naming i-provide.

All my life, I have been loved and nourished. Wala akong problema sa pamilya, sa kaibigan, sa pag-aaral, at sa pera. Everything was easy for me. I could get whatever I wanted. Basta magustuhan ko, alam kong akin na.

And maybe I should try again.

I wanted him... I would get him.

"Huhulaan ko kung ano ang iniisip mo," sabi ni Cliff nang tabihan ako sa pool.

"Portfolio," sagot ko agad.

He laughed. "Ano ka, ako?"

I snickered. "Nasaan 'yong dalawa?"

"Ka-videocall pa ni Cali ang ka-fling niya. Si Rapsly, nanonood yata ng porn."

I laughed before splashing him with water. Unlike the two, Cliff was kind of shy when it came to flirting. Sa kanilang tatlo ay siya pa lang ang hindi nagkakaroon ng boyfriend. Siya lang din ang hindi nagdadamit ng inila-label ng society bilang 'pambabae'.

"Seryoso nga? Kukunin mo si Harvin? Hindi papayag 'yon!"

I smirked as a plan crossed my mind. "Watch me."

"Girl, ang tagal niyong hindi nagpansinan tapos aarte ka nang ganyan? Baka maimbyerna lang sa 'yo 'yon!"

Hindi ko siya pinansin lalo at nakita ko na ang dalawang baklang hindi kagandahan na papalapit sa amin. Rapsly was wearing a sultry red one-piece while Cali was clad in a yellow two-piece. Damn, they were sexier than me!

Mabilis na tumalon ang dalawa sa pool at parang mga buteteng lumangoy. We spent the night talking and laughing about some random stuff. Sanay na sanay na kami sa isa't isa. Simula grade 9 hanggang ngayong fourth year college ay magkakaklase na kami. It was a blessing that we shared the same passion.

Nang mapagod sa paglangoy, pagkain, at tawanan, sa kwarto muna kami ni Rapsly tumambay para manood ng movie. After a few moments, umiiyak na naman si Cali dahil ang current fling niya ay ipinagpalit siya sa babae.

"Kipay lang naman ang meron siya na wala ako!" hikbi niya pa.

It was normal. It happens almost every month. In different guys. He got attached easily. He loved too much.

Then comes Rapsly's advice.

"Just settle for sex, Cali!"

I stretched both my arms and stood. Alas dose na rin.

"Balik na ako sa kwarto."

"Night, Debs."

I nodded and stormed out of the room. Another day has passed. Isinalampak ko ang sarili sa kama at napatingin sa kisame kung saan nakapinta ang larawan namin ni Rouge noong JS Prom. Halos magmakaawa pa ako kay Rapsly na ipa-paint 'yon dahil may ganoon din sa kwarto ko sa Cebu. Ang sabi ko na lang ay papipinturahan ko ng puti kapag aalis na kami sa villa.

I was wearing an emerald dress, and my hair was in a messy bun. Si Rouge naman ay parang prinsipe sa suot niyang pulang tuxedo.

We were so perfect for each other.

I smiled sadly.

No one knew why we broke up. Kami lang dalawa. It was our little painful secret. Even my friends had no idea what went wrong. They witnessed how much we loved each other before. Tapos nung graduation, wala, bigla na lang kaming natapos.

And then he went here to Isabela.

As I looked at his picture, determination arose from my heart.

I need to have you again, Rouge.

Not only as my male model. But also, as my man.

You will be mine, by hook or by crook.