Chapter 9

The party went on for hours. Marami na akong nainom at kahit isang beses ay hindi ako nilubayan ni Hezron. Kaunti na nga lang at magmumukha na kaming nagma-make-out sa sobrang lapit ng katawan namin sa isa't isa.

"Nagwagi na si Hezron! Napansin na ni Debs!" pang-aasar ni Melanie habang nasa bar counter kami. Sumali pa ang mga kabarkada namin, dahilan para tuluyan akong matawa.

The guy's face was on my neck. Ramdam ko ang paghinga niya roon. Hindi ko siya tinulak o pinagbawalan manlang lalo at alam kong may nanonood sa galaw namin.

Umangat ang labi ng lalaki at pinatakan ng halik ang panga ko. Doon ako bahagyang lumayo dahil hindi ako komportable. Naramdaman niya iyon kaya ibinalik na lang niya ang mukha sa leeg ko.

"Hez, are you drunk?" tanong ko sa lalaki ngunit umiling lang siya.

Nang mag-angat siya ng tingin ay sinapo ng kamay niya ang mukha ko at tinitigan ako nang matagal.

"I like you so much, Reese Deborah. I like you so much..." he whispered.

I faked a cough and grabbed his hands off my face. Ibinaba ko iyon ay inilagay sa gilid niya.

"Uh... you're drunk. Sa ibang araw na lang tayo mag-usap, okay?"

Umiling siya bago muling ibinagsak ang mukha sa leeg ko. I sighed when I realized that I was actually giving him false hope! Nice, Debs! Kasasayaw mo ay may napapaasa ka! I let him rest on my neck because I couldn't just push him away like that. May tumutusok na tingin sa gilid ko pero hindi ko na siya binalingan ng tingin.

"Okay, guys, we'll have a game!" maligayang saad ni Rapsly sa mic. "Bawal ang KJ dito, ha?!"

I smirked. "Pass ako! I'm dizzy!"

"Manahimik ka, Deborah!"

Nagtawanan ang mga tao kaya napanguso ako. Kahit ang lalaki na parang sawang nakapulupot sa akin ay naramdaman ko ang pagtawa kaya hinampas ko siya.

"Ever heard of the game, Blackout?"

Narinig ko agad ang singhapan ng mga bisita kaya kumunot ang noo ko. Miski sina Cali at Cliff ay malakas na tumili, mukhang na-excite sa narinig.

"Okay, mga pokpok, kumalma kayo!" natatawang saad ni Rapsly. "The mechanics of the game were simple. Since we're all consenting adults and we all want to have fun, let's do this!"

"Huy, ano 'yan?!" sabat ko.

"Shh... We'll turn the lights off completely for 15 minutes, and you know what happens when the lights are off, right?" he spoke, his voice sensual.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What?!"

"Wala 'yon, Debs, titingnan mo lang 'yong relo ko kung umiilaw!" walangyang sigaw ni Nime.

I rolled my eyes when my friends laughed.

"Yep, it's like a massive make-out session, my dear!"

Nagtilian sila na parang mga uhaw na hayop. Naramdaman ko rin ang paghinga nang malalim ni Hezron kaya tumayo ako para bahagyang lumayo sa kanya. Baka mamaya ay halikan pa ako noon!

"Ang swerte ni Hez, mahahalikan na ang long-time crush niya!" pang-aasar ulit ng mga kaibigan namin.

He let out a low laugh before pulling my arms, making me sit on his lap. Lalong nagtilian ang mga tao sa ginawa niya kaya nag-init ang mukha ko sa hiya.

"Hezron, tumigil ka nga," I whispered when he started showering my nape with kisses. Lumayo ako sa kanya ngunit mahigpit ang kapit niya sa baywang ko.

"Hoy! Hindi pa blackout! Mamaya na 'yan!" sigaw ni Rapsly.

Tumawa si Hezron at unti-unti rin akong binitawan. Mabilis akong tumayo at lumayo sa kanya. God! This wasn't what I wanted! We were friends! Goodness!

"I'm outta here! Wala ako sa mood makipaghalikan!" natatawang sigaw ko bago naglakad paalis sa garden.

"Hey, Debs!" sigaw ng lalaki.

Sabay-sabay silang nag-boo pero tumawa lang ako at tinuloy ang paglakad. Kaya lang, bago pa ako tuluyang makarating sa loob ng villa ay namatay na ang ilaw.

"The fuck..." marahas na bulong ko sa sarili.

It was literally a blackout! Damn! Kahit ang villa ay walang ilaw! Para tuloy akong tangang nangangapa sa dilim! Takot ko na lang na matalapid ako, ano!

I continued walking. Rinig ko ang tunog ng halikan sa paligid kaya bahagya akong napangiwi. Ew!

I was about to sit down and settle myself on the ground when someone grabbed me by the waist. Sa takot na baka si Hezron 'yon ay mabilis akong pumiksi at umilag sa kanya.

"Don't touch me!" sigaw ko.

Rinig ko ang bigat ng paghinga niya kaya alam kong ilang metro lang ang layo niya sa akin.

"It's me."

My heart sank deep when I heard Rouge's baritone. Natahimik ako ilang sandali bago maramdaman ang muli niyang paglapit sa akin. I froze on my feet, unable to move, especially when he hugged my waist. And to my fucking shock! He rested his face on my neck! Kung saan nakalagay kanina ang mukha ni Hezron!

I slightly pushed him, realizing that he was drunk.

"Lasing ka na..." nanghihinang sabi ko. "Come on, let's get you a coffee. Tutugtog pa kayo."

"Are you crazy?" bulong niya. His breath on my neck was sending me to an inevitable pleasure. This was so unfair! Kanina pa nakalagay ang mukha roon ni Hezron pero hindi naman ganito ang reaksyon ng katawan ko!

"What are you saying?" halos ihalik ko sa hangin ang pagsasabi noon.

"I'm not as drunk as you," mahina ring sagot niya. "How can you... let someone hold you in that way, huh, Reese?"

"Rouge... ano ba?" I spoke slowly.

Naramdaman ko ang hininga niya na malapit na sa labi ko. I stopped breathing when he planted a kiss on the side of my lips.

"Are you making me jealous?" he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "It's not effective. Tigilan mo na."

I could feel my bones and insides celebrating. My heart was pumping hard and fast in my chest, recognizing the presence of its owner.

Malapit pa rin ang mukha namin sa isa't isa dahil ramdam ko ang hininga niya na tumatama sa mukha ko. Ang hawak niya sa baywang ko ay madiin, parang may nagbabadyang galit.

"I'm not making you jealous... because that's impossible. May gusto ka namang iba," sagot ko bago kumapit sa damit niya.

His breathing hitched as he pulled me closer to him. "Yes... I like someone else."

Tumango ako. Dahan-dahan lang ang pagsasalita niya. Mababa at puno ng lambing.

"So... hinayaan ko si Hezron na gawin 'yon sa akin dahil ginusto ko. Walang ibang rason," pagsisinungaling ko. "Sabi mo ay lubayan kita at lumandi ako sa iba. Ano'ng ginagawa mo ngayon?"

"I like Solene," wala sa sariling saad niya. "I like her kindness, courage, and beauty. Isang tingin ko pa lang sa kanya ay gandang ganda na ako..."

Bumigat ang paghinga ko at lalo pang kumapit sa damit niya. My other hand went to his left arm to touch his skin. Narinig ko ang paglalim ng bawat paghinga niya dahil sa ginagawa ko.

"Come on, Rouge. Tell me more..." I urged him. "Lie to yourself more..."

He sighed. "I'm not lying! Solene will never be like you. Hindi siya mandadamay ng ibang tao para sa sarili niyang kagustuhan. She's selfless..." Lalong bumigat ang paghinga niya nang maglandas ang kamay ko sa leeg niya.

"She might like someone right now... but I will court her. I will love her," napapaos na sabi pa niya.

I bit my lower lip. "Do you like her that much? Ipapakilala mo sa mga magulang mo? Liligawan mo?"

Naramdaman ko ang pagtango niya ngunit kasabay din noon ang paghigit niya sa baywang ko para magdikit ang katawan namin. Dumikit ang dibdib ko sa kanya at halos pigilan ko ang sarili na magpakawala ng malamyos na tunog dahil doon.

"If you like her, anong ginagawa mo ngayon?" mahinang tanong ko. "If you like her, bakit nangingialam ka sa kung sino ang gusto kong humawak sa akin?"

My voice was too soft and weak because of the intensity we were sharing. Sakto pa na pumaibabaw bigla ang malamyos na musika sa buong villa na para bang nakikipagsabayan sa nararamdaman namin ngayon.

"Do you like that asshole?" mariin niyang tanong.

I slowly reached for his lips and planted a kiss on them. Lalong humigpit ang hawak niya sa akin dahil doon at ganoon din ako sa kanya. Nakatiad ang mga paa ko para maabot siya.

"You're the only man I like, Rouge..." I whispered, drunk by the idea of him. "You don't have to be jealous. You're the only one I see..."

He breathed. "Si Solene—"

I cut him off by pulling his nape to give him a deep and mouth-watering kiss. His grip on my waist tightened, pulling me even closer... kahit wala na halos nasa pagitan namin. He was unresponsive to my kisses at first, so I angled my face to kiss him more.

I sucked his lower lip while my tongue was making its way to the corners of his mouth. Hindi pa rin siya tumutugon kaya lalo kong hinila ang leeg niya palapit sa akin.

He let out a groan, triggering something in me, before pulling my nape and responding to my kisses. Mas pinalalim niya ang halik na animo'y nilulunod ako. I moaned when his hand went up to touch my mound against my see-through top. He thrust his tongue inside my mouth while his hand was playing with its crown.

Para akong tinutupok na apoy nang kumapit sa braso niya. His kisses felt so familiar. It was too consuming... passionate... and sensual. He didn't stop massaging my mound while I was holding onto him, softly moaning.

The hunger we had for each other was obvious. Kahit pigilan ang sarili ay hindi ko maiwasang maalala ang mga nangyari sa amin noon. His touch was the same. It was still full of care and controlled gentleness.

Nakarinig kami parehas ng ingay kaya bahagya kaming naghiwalay. I was panting like him, at alam kong tuluyan nang nawala ang tama ko. Nang tuluyang bumukas ang ilaw ay hindi nakalampas sa akin ang dilim ng kanyang mga mata. He licked his lower lip while staring intently at me.

"Mahal mo pa ako," I declared. "You may like Solene... pero mahal mo pa ako."

He shook his head with a faint sense of disbelief. Nasa malayong parte kami ng garden kaya wala masyadong nakakakita sa amin. Rinig ko na ang ingay ng mga kaibigan ko pero hindi ako nagpatinag doon.

Namumula ang leeg at tainga niya, tanda ng pagkalasing. I couldn't understand why he had to get drunk, gayong tutugtog pa sila!

I heard Hezron calling my name, but my attention was drawn to Rouge. I may be tipsy, but I freaking knew what had happened! We kissed! He responded to my kisses! Hindi puwedeng wala lang iyon!

"Stop flirting with Solene," I commanded, assuming that I had that power over him.

He bit his lower lip before smirking sarcastically. Sa ngising iyon ay alam kong may baon na naman siyang talim na panaksak sa dibdib ko.

"I didn't know you were that type, Reese."

"What?" I exhaled.

He chuckled. "It's a game... and it's just a kiss. Bakit big deal?"

I tapped my foot on the ground when I felt something painful tug at my heart. He couldn't be real. I felt it. The electrifying sensation, the longing touch, the nostalgia... I felt them all.

"Game?" The word came out bitterly. "Seryoso ka ba?"

Lalo siyang ngumisi. "Why? What were you expecting, huh?"

"You still love me!" I insisted. "I felt it, Rouge! Stop lying to yourself!"

"Hinalikan ka lang, gan'yan ka na? You're too worldly and driven by your lust."

Agad na namilog ang mga mata ko.

Nag-iwas naman siya ng tingin. "I could do that to anyone. I could kiss anyone. After all, it was just a game."

I trembled in pain. Sinubukan kong lunukin ang bikig sa lalamunan ko pero hindi iyon nawala. It was painful. There was a stabbing ache in my heart that I couldn't brush off. How... could he hurt me so easily?

I was about to lash out on him when his bandmate called his name. Mabilis siyang umalis sa harap ko na parang hindi ako hinayaang mahulog sa panibagong bangin ng sakit.

I blinked and felt the tightening of my chest. Nang humarap ako ay nakita kong inaayos na niya ang gitara sa stage at itinatapat na ang mic sa bibig.

While looking at him, I realized how much I wanted to cry. I wanted to be the typical soft girl who could be pitiful. I wanted to let all my emotions out through weeping.

But just like before, I didn't... I couldn't. Instead, I continued tapping my foot on the ground and biting my lower lip to bring my heartbeat down to its normal pace. A certain part of my heart was throbbing.

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing," Rouge's baritone filled the entire place. "Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in."

Nagsigawan ang mga kaibigan ko at ang mga bisita ni Cliff. I saw Cali looking for me, but when his eyes settled on me, he sighed and shook his head.

"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?" Rouge closed his eyes. "I'm falling to pieces... yeah... I'm falling to pieces."

I walked toward the bar counter and poured myself a drink. Nang mapuno iyon ay mabilis ko itong ininom. Gumuhit ang pait sa lalamunan ko ngunit hindi iyon sapat para matupok ang natitirang kirot sa dibdib ko.

So... it meant nothing. It was just a spur of the moment. And he could kiss anyone. Nagkataon lang na ako ang nandoon.

Naramdaman ko ang paglapit sa akin ni Hezron at gaya kanina, hinayaan ko siya. Inakbayan niya ako habang dinadala ako sa pool. I looked at the stage and saw Rouge. His eyes were still closed while he was plucking the guitar.

"Woah! Puwedeng model, Debs!" my friends cheered.

Tuluyan kong tinanggal ang top at shorts ko bago ilagay iyon sa isang mahabang upuan kasama ang towel.

I grinned, trying to drown out the intoxicating pain I was feeling. Hezron towered over me, and I let him. The red bikini complemented my skin well. Walang pag-aatubili akong bumaba sa pool at mabilis akong sinundan ni Hezron.

"I'm falling to pieces..." Rinig kong kanta ni Rouge pero hindi na ako tumingin sa kanya.

Inilubog ko ang katawan sa tubig at lumangoy. Wala masyadong tao sa pool dahil halos lahat ng bisita ay busy sa pag-iinom at pagpa-party. Nakailang balik ako bago tuluyang umahon.

Pag-angat ko ay ibang kanta na ang tinutugtog nila. I didn't glance at him again. Not when my heart was breaking.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal nagbabad sa tubig kasama ang ilang kaibigan. I was laughing and dancing with them as if nothing had happened.

Nang balingan ko si Rouge ay nasa gitara ang mga mata nito. Bago pa siya makapag-angat ng tingin ay nag-iwas na ako sa takot na mahalata niyang nakamasid na naman ako. He might call me a desperate woman again.

I played with the water before looking at the starry sky. They were shining brightly like crystals on a fine sheet of cloth. And just like before, whenever I'd stare at the sky, a wave of sadness and guilt would hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Anyare, girl?" tanong ni Cali nang tumabi siya sa akin sa gilid ng pool. "I saw you with Harvin earlier. Nagkasagutan kayo?"

Tumingin muna ako sa paligid at nang makumpirmang walang ibang taong malapit sa amin ay humarap ako sa kanya.

"We kissed," I admitted.

He gasped. "Shuta, ba't ka malungkot? Nakahalik ka naman pala!"

"Right?" Tumawa ako. "I don't know."

Nakisabay siya sa akin sa paglalaro ng tubig. Medyo tumahimik na ang mga tao dahil mas nag-focus na sila sa pag-iinom. Sina Rapsly at Nime na lang ang naririnig kong maingay. Kahit si Hezron ay tahimik nang nakasubsob sa bar counter.

Cali sighed. "Mahal mo pa ba talaga?"

Ngumiti ulit ako. Hindi ko na maalala kung ilang libong beses ko na iyon naitanong sa sarili ko. Nakakapagtaka kasi na sa haba ng panahon na wala kaming komunikasyaon, tahimik ko pa rin siyang tinitingnan... minamahal... hinahangaan.

I cherished him even from afar, like how I adored the sky.

"Sobra," I replied before darting my attention to Rouge, who was sitting quietly on the ground. His feet were in the pool.

I sighed and looked at Cali again. "Kaya hindi ko susukuan 'yang masungit na 'yan. I know him. I know how soft his heart is. Galit lang 'yan... pero mahal niya ako."

"Debs, stop..."

I shook my head. "He just needs a little push."

I felt it in our kiss. The care was still there. The longing was still there. The love was still there. I just had to please him a little... deeper.