C o l e

Having nothing to do was such a strange occurrence for me. The semester had finally come to its conclusion and before we could go on any kind of trip, Eros mentioned there was some things he had to do in preparation so that Mikhail could have absolutely no reason to object to our sudden departure.

Because if there's one thing Mikhail's good at, it's finding flaws in completely bulletproof plans.

I was taking some time of my own to catch up on some long needed rest, sleeping in until around ten was one of the greatest unspoken luxuries I never knew I needed.

When I had woken up though, I saw that I received a text from Myles not too long ago, his new phone number popping up on the screen as I had forgotten to save it when he gave it to me.

'You aren't busy today by any chance, are you? If not, let's hang out!'

Hm...doesn't sound like a bad idea. I haven't really done much since break started and Eros is away attending to his own things.

'Okay'

After sending the reply, I got up so I could shower and get dressed. I was never one who put much thought into fashion, my clothing usually depended on the weather so since it was still quite cold outside, I figured sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt should be fine for now.

I bundled up my in my coat and what not but I refused to put on all of the extra scarves and gloves that Eros had gotten me because I would simply just overheat. The hat looked nice though so I always wore it when I went out.

Myles had texted me the meet up spot so I took my time in heading there, the brisk winds nipping at my cheeks as I braved through the winter wind. It was December and soon Christmas and new year's would be approaching so the decorations around the city were in abundance.

I should look into getting some gifts for everyone...

"Cole! Over here!" Myles voice was calling out to me from his place near the clock tower at the main square, his frame looking tiny in front of the huge structure.

"Hey" I said in greeting as I stepped closer to the man.

"Thanks for coming, I really needed a second opinion for all of this" Myles said as he pointed to the many stores that lined the area.

"My mother's birthday is in a few days and she's a seriously picky person. It would really help to have a second pair of eyes" Myles said and I nodded.

"Then what does she like?" I asked as Myles began to lead us to the closest store next to us.

"Not sure to be honest, I was just gonna get her a best mom mug or something" he said and I stared at him incredulously.

"What?" Myles asked, as if he didn't realize what was wrong with his choice in gift.

"I'm sure we're going to find something leagues better than a mug" I said with a sigh.

I doubt any mother would want to receive a mug, unless they were a frequent coffee drinker or something of the sort. Still, I'd like to believe that Myles will come up with something better while we look.

He in fact, did not.

"Come on Cole, you've shot down every thing I could think of!" Myles exclaimed and I just crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"I refuse to let you give your mother anything less than acceptable and so far all your choices have been just that" I said and Myles huffed.

"So what would you get your mother?" he grumbled and I just stared at him.

The one time I'd ever gotten what was supposed to be a mother figure, a gift, it was slapped out of my hands and thrown to waste. I don't even remember what I had gotten her and I didn't particularly care for trying to remember.

"I don't know" I said in response and Myles shook his head.

"Well that makes two of us"

It was never this hard thinking of a gift for Eros but to be fair, I knew him far better than someone's mother whom I've never met. Even though the choice was tempting, I couldn't let Myles get her just a mug.

"Let's take a break for now. Should we grab something to eat? There's a really good curry spot near here" Myles suggested and seeing as I was feeling a bit hungry, I just went along with it.

As we were eating, I noticed that Myles face was slowly turning red, the spice likely being a bit too much for him and

"You suggested this and yet you can't even handle it? Your lips are beet red" I said as I watched.

"Yeah but I really like curry so I just have to deal with it" Myles said with a pained smile and I nodded with an amused one of my own.

"Maybe you should ask for mild next time" I said as I ate my own curry with no problem, the sting on my tongue being prominent but it didn't bother me so much that I was deterred from eating a delicious meal.

"Yeah, yeah" Myles said before downing the rest of his water and letting out a heavy breath.

"Its been too long since I last had this, my tolerance is starting to wear down. But I guess it's okay for you" Myles said as he noticed my almost finished plate.

I just nodded as I shoved another spoonful in my mouth. I was more hungry than I realized, forgetting that I had left the house without eating anything and then walking around all day just amplified my hunger.

"I've never had a problem eating most things, other than seafood given that I'm allergic" I explained.

I never really even had a say in most of the things I ate, usually having to settle for whatever is served for dinner, even if it was a food that I wasn't particularly fond of. My parents would just see it as me being ungrateful so instead of complaining, I would just force myself to eat fast enough so I could leave to my room.

To think I've come this far...at the time, living the way I am now was an unimaginable thought. If someone had told me that I'd someday escape the hellhole I've been confined to my entire life, I'd likely not believe them.

I guess things like miracles really do exist.

"Can't believe we've been out here half the day and still haven't found anything yet" Myles sudden change of conversation finally broke me out of my thoughts and I looked to him.

"Maybe it doesn't have to be that big, maybe something like a bracelet or some earrings? It's small but it's a start" I suggested and Myles paused.

"A jewelry box" he said.

"She has so much of it so why not get something to make sure she doesn't lose it? Jesus, why didn't I think of this before?" Myles said as he stood up.

I had to remind him to pay for his food before he dashed out of here, making him sit down so that we can wait on the waiter to finally bring us our checks.

After paying for our food, we went out to search for the perfect jewelry box, and although it took some time we eventually found the one Myles thought his mother would like the most.

"Thank goodness that's over with" Myles let out a yawn as we finally left the busy shopping centered.

The amount of guests had trickled down as it began to grew dark but there was still a bit of sunlight left, the sun kissing the horizon in greeting as they finally met. The pinkish hue left behind was as if the sky was blushing and I just couldn't help but find it beautiful.

"Again...thank you for coming out with me today" Myles said and I nodded.

"It's not a problem, I've got the time for now anyways so I figured it wouldn't hurt to come out" I said and Myles tilted his head at my words.

"For...now?" He asked.

"Ah, yeah, I'll be gone for a bit. Probably until before the semester starts back up" I said.

The 'probably' would surely turn to 'definitely' in no time, knowing Eros he's going to want to be gone for as long as possible. Just from his proposal, I could see how excited he was at the prospect of a trip for the two of us.

"That long, huh?" Myles muttered and he stopped suddenly, his body that had been walking a bit in front of me slowly turning to face my own.

"There's something I should tell you. I feel if I don't do it now, then I'll surely talk myself out of it by the time you come back" Myles said and my confusion must have been clear in my face with the way I looked at him.

"What is it?" I asked.

I watched patiently as Myles stood there with ever changing expressions, there had to be at least a few of them. He seemed to be piecing his words together in his head and a small twinge in my stomach had me hoping that this wasn't about to go where I thought it was.

"Cole, I like you"

My gut has never steered me wrong, and it's once again proving it's worth.

"I know it's not right of me because you already have someone, but keeping it to myself is killing me as well" Myles continued and I steeled myself through his confession.

I had learned quickly that I had to be firm and blunt, or else some would see it as an opportunity to try to sway me if my answer seemed unsure.

"I don't know what kind of answer you're looking for but it's not the one I have for you. I have no kind of feelings for you in the way you desire" I said as I stared at Myles who had also in some way tried his best to keep a straight face but anyone could see from miles away that he wasn't happy with my words.

"I hope to change that someday" Myles said, a sad yet somewhat bashful look taking over his features.

"That won't happen" I said and Myles frowned.

"How can you be so sure? You never know what could happen down the line. What if that guy you're with isn't even the right one for you?" Myles pressed, coming closer as he attempted to reason with me.

"Myles, drop this, now" I said, trying to keep the edge in my voice from getting too sharp because honestly, I really didn't want to have to raise my voice at him.

He's my friend so obviously I want to talk this out to an understanding but it doesn't seem like Myles wants it to end that way.

"You won't even give it a single thought? Is that asking for too much?" Myles sounded desperate at this point and I could only put my hands on his shoulder's to have him at arm's length.

I didn't really feel that being close to each other was a good idea at this moment.

"Yes. There is nothing else to say about this matter" I said.

Myles was quiet for a moment and I just figured that he was finally letting my rejection settle in so I moved to dismiss the subject.

"We should get you ho—" my sentence was cut short when I was suddenly tugged forward and my eyes widened the moment Myles cold lips came in contact with mine.

The feeling of someone else's lips on mine had immediately filled me with a disgusted chills and before I knew it, I had already pushed him off of me and threw a punch.

Myles stared back at me stunned, likely by the fact that I went as far as to hit him but he was lucky I held myself back from doing anything worse.

In this mid winter freezing weather, my body felt like it was burning, a seething feeling like no other blooming darkly within me.

I was thoroughly pissed off.

"Don't do this again" was all I said before leaving, that option seemingly better than what I actually had imagined in my head.

Wandering aimlessly for a few moments, I figured it was best if I sat down so that I could calm down but I quickly rejected the idea as another wave of anger washed over me. I needed to take a shower, right now.

As soon as I got home, I dropped my stuff off on the couch and began to remove my clothes. Though I only got as far as my shirt when I was suddenly greeted by Eros who looked at me confused as he came from the kitchen.

Whatever he was making, the aromas permeated the house but I hardly had an appetite after everything that just happened.

"Welcome...home...?" Eros trailed and I just nodded at him before attempting to pass by but Eros was obviously not the type to just let that go.

"Cole, is something bothering you?" Eros asked as he followed me and I shook my head.

"...no" I muttered, my hand reaching to turn the knob to the bathroom so I could hopefully just shower the feeling of disgust down the drain but Eros stopped me.

"I'm hurt that you'd lie so blatantly to my face like that. You should know by now that I can tell what you're thinking even when you have that stoic look on your face. You're clearly upset about something, which is a very rare thing" Eros continued.

I felt a prick of irritation claw at my chest, but it wasn't because of Eros, it was because of Myles. Had he never gone and done that stupid thing, I wouldn't have to sit here and evade my lover. I obviously wasn't lying for Myles sake, it was more for Eros because I knew the man would gladly go to jail if it meant that Myles would be six feet under.

"Just leave it" I said as I tried to move around but Eros was already three steps ahead as he leaned his back on the door and narrowed his azure eyes at me.

"Tell me, do you leave an open wound alone?" He asked and I furrowed my brow.

"No...?" I answered slowly and Eros gave a nod.

"Exactly. When left untreated, it gets infected, and worsens your physical state. This is no different from that. Just tell me what's wrong and I promise I'll get rid of whatever, or whoever, made you feel this way" Eros said and I hardly felt the amusement I typically would when Eros would suggest such absurd things.

Even my very little sense of humor had been converted to annoyance and I let out a sigh.

"And that's exactly why I can't tell you" I said.

"If you're worried I may do something out of line, I assure you I can be reasonable" Eros said as he put a hand to his chest.

When he received no answer from me, Eros let out a short sigh.

"Cole, I'm just worried about you. What could make someone like you, who has the patience of a saint, so pissed off that you won't even look me in the eye?" Eros' words reached me as I felt his warm hand reach out to touch my cheek, my face naturally gravitating to look at him.

It was a bit scary how it only took one look from Eros to make me want to bear all my deepest emotions to him, surrendering my burdens to him as he's always encouraged me to do so.

"I'm not upset at them more than I am at myself. I allowed him to get too close, and you were right..." I trailed as I looked away again.

"I truly don't know that person at all" I murmured.

"It was that kid, wasn't it?" Eros said and I remained silent as I tried to not think about the fact that I still haven't fulfilled my main objective since getting home.

"I'm not sure what you two fought about but I'm sure you can talk it out" Eros said in an unusual attempt to be encouraging, which I could appreciate at any other moment but right now was not such moment.

"No. We can't" I stated and Eros looked stunned by my words.

He surely was just as quick to piece everything together as well as he frowned.

"Oh don't tell me..." he trailed off and I nodded.

"Well now that gives me even more of a reason not to like him. I take it back, you don't have to make up with him. Just kick him to the curb like Thursday's trash" Eros said and I just shook my head.

"I think I knew but I guess I just didn't want to jinx it" I said and Eros put his hands on my shoulder, rubbing them lightly as he put his head to mine.

"That's not your fault, Cole. He knew you had someone and still chased after you, he brought this on himself" Eros said and I was beginning to feel a bit comforted, but the white noise in my ear was ruining Eros' efforts as it continuously muddled my thoughts.

I realized that Eros was about to kiss me in an effort to comfort me some more so before he could, I put my hand between our lips and Eros' eyes widened.

"Not until I shower..." I said and that was when Eros turned serious and I could already tell that it wasn't going to be long before Eros found out about...that.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" He whispered and I lowered my hand slowly, looking away in shame as I did.

"He kissed you..." Eros breathed out in realization and I quickly grabbed his hand before he could move.

"Don't." I said and Eros looked down at me in frustration.

"Don't what? Don't kill him? It's a little too late for that considering I've already killed him about ten times in my head. You can't expect me to not want to kill him after he forced himself on you!" Eros said and I just gripped his wrist a bit tighter, hoping he wouldn't try to break away from my side.

I don't think I would have the power to hold him back if he really decided to go and lose his shit at this moment so I hoped that my touch would soothe him unconsciously. I knew he wouldn't do anything so sudden with me holding him so with that resolve in mind, I continued.

"I can, and I do. If you barge over there waving your gun around, what do you think is going to happen? He'll get more involved then is needed and the last thing we need is police involvement" I said and Eros huffed.

"Fine, I won't wave my gun, I'll wave my fists" he said stubbornly.

"That's not acceptable either" I pressed on.

The two of us stated one another down, neither backing away from the silent conversation we were having and I let out a breath of relief when Eros finally backed down.

"Cole...you're really making this hard for me. My natural instinct is to get rid of anyone who harms you, or even does something so disgusting as force themselves on you. How can you expect me to stay calm in such a situation?" Eros asked.

"Because I'm asking you to trust me. I will handle the situation, you don't have to get involved. I don't want you doing anything unnecessary that will attract unwanted attention" I said, thankful when Eros seemed to finally calm down.

"Nothing is 'unnecessary' when it comes to you" Eros said and I felt a bit guilty to have brushed off Eros' frustrations the way I did.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to invalidate your feelings but I really don't want you to get involved. He's not worth it" I said as I reached out to wrap my arms around Eros' torso.

The warmth he provided was a nice one, kind and inviting. It felt so much better than the searing heat I felt when I was angry at Myles.

"I'm also sorry for acting childishly. You're my first and only priority, so forgive me for becoming unbearable at times" he muttered as he wrapped his arms back around me and I gave him a weary smile.

"It's okay, I don't think it would be normal for you to react any other way" I said and Eros chuckled.

I let go of Eros so that I could finally do what I've been itching to this whole time. Eros had followed me to the bathroom as I prepared my things to shower, his body leaning against the door frame as he watched me.

"Just so we're both on the same page...I can't even talk to him?" Eros asked and I paused what I was doing to look at him.

"Not a word" I said.

"Fine, I won't" Eros said, his surrender a little too easy for my liking.

"I know you're crossing your fingers" I said and Eros' hands suddenly flew up in the air.

"Whatever do you mean? My hands are right here" he said and I just shook my head.

Ushering him out, I hurried to clean myself, my nerves calming significantly the moment the water doused my skin.

I finally felt...clean.