I saw my whole body's reflection as I stood in front of the mirror. I slowly walked near it as my eyes were fixed on the small white inked tattoo a few inches away below my collarbone, at the part of my chest where exactly my heart is located.

Marahan kong pinaglandas ang aking mga daliri at dinama iyon. I smiled as my forefinger traced the semicolon lying in the middle of the shaft of an arrow. The arrow is horizontally lying in my chest. Ganoon din ang semicolon sa gitna nito. Simple lang iyon at wala ng ibang detalye pa.

Hindi iyon halata kung hindi lalapitan, dahil na rin sa kulay puting tinta noon at ang maputlang kulay ng aking balat.

"Auriese!" I heard my brother calling me from the outside of the walk-in closet. Agad kong isinuot ang damit pangitaas at nilabas siya.

"Nagising si Rye. He's looking for you," bungad niya sa akin.

I nodded at him as I walked towards the guest room. Doon idiniretso ni Dad si Rye, mabuti na lamang ay maayos ang kwartong iyon.

Marahan kong pinihit ang doorknob at pasimpleng tinulak ang pinto. I saw Dad seating beside my son while trying to calm Rye.

Nang makapasok ay agad ko ring isinara ang pinto.

"Mommy!" Kinusot niya ang mga matang hilam sa mga luha. Sinubukan niyang umupo ngunit agad ko siyang pinigilan at muling pinahiga dahil bakas sa namumungay mata ang antok niya.

"I missed you, baby. Sleep na," I whispered as I started caressing his hair. Pinaglandas ko ang aking mga daliri sa kanyang maliit na kamay.

"Belated happy birthday," I whispered when I remember, I missed his fourth birthday. But its for his safety so I'm okay with it. He celebrated it with Prestin. My brother sent me photos of him enjoying his birthday after I greeted through face time. Iyon lang ay ayos na sa akin.

I watched my son as he closed his eyes, trying to sleep.

"My grandson." Napaangat ako ng tingin dahil sa sinambit ni Daddy. I looked at him and our eyes met. I immediately avoided his gaze.

"Ryker's his father? Your boyfriend?"

I glanced at my father before fixing my eyes at my son. "He's my ex. Not my boyfriend," I muttered as I refused to answer his question about my son's father.

"Hmm. But he's surely the father. It's obvious on his name."

I blinked as I looked at him. Sa huli ay marahang napailing at muling itinuon ang pansin sa anak na ngayon ay mahimbing ng natutulog.

"I'm sorry, anak."

I stilled as I heard his words. Ilang sandali pa akong nanatiling nakatungo, hindi sigurado kung tama ang aking narinig.

"I'm sorry, sana ay mapatawad mo ako." Nahimigan ko ang lungkot at sinseridad sa tono niya.

It's been four years. Bakit ngayon lang? Ano 'yon, bigla na lang niyang naisipan na humingi ng tawad? After four years finally he realized that he's wrong?

"Prestin told me you have something to explain. What is it?" I asked while my eyes' still focused on my son. Patuloy ang marahang paghagod ko sa kanyang buhok habang hawak ang kanyang kamay. I missed this kiddo, I never thought that I can live without him beside me for a month.

"I want you to be safe, that's why I did it. Hindi ko ginusto iyon ngunit, wala akong magagawa." Tuwid ang kanyang pagkakaupo at kahit madilim ay ramdam ko ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin.

Puno ng sarkasmo ang mga mata akong bumaling sa kanya. Safe? That's his reason? For me to be safe? Then what happened? Prestin almost stop studying law while I stopped. That's because we can't afford it. He wants me safe but he freeze all our accounts. Sariling pera namin ni Prestin ang aming ginagamit sa mga nakalipas na taon.

"Aurelia is alive, your mother is alive."

I slowly frowned as I tilted my head. Agad akong napaangat ng tingin.

"My wife is alive but fuck that Salvia," he gritted his teeth. Para bang nakikita niya si Salvia. Kahit sa dilim ay hindi nakatakas sa akin ang nagaalab niyang mga mata, na tila ba handa siyang patayin si Salvia ano mang oras.

What happened? I thought he loves Salvia? Mahal na mahal niya na pinili niyang palayasin kami ni Prestin sa kagustuhan ng babaeng iyon.

Ngunit hindi iyon ang tuluyang nakakuha ng aking pansin. Mom's alive? How? We saw the DNA test of the woman's body. Naroon din ang singsing ni Mommy kaya iyon ang mas nakapagkumpirma na katawan nga niya ang nakuha namin.

"She blackmailed me, saying she knows where my wife is. Tinatago niya si Aurelia!"

"What's her proof?" Don't tell me he believed that woman's words. Just plain words?

"She's always giving me a picture of your mother. Anytime I request it, she'll give it. Someone's helping her to hide my wife. Your mother is safe as long as I followed whatever she wants."

Salvia's sending a picture of her! Tila ba noon lang rumehistro sa akin na posibleng buhay nga si Mommy. My heartbeat raced as I felt the my tears forming at the side of my eyes.

"What's her goal? Money?" Tanga rin si Salvia, sana sinabi na lang niya kay Daddy na ilipat ang ari-arian namin sa pangalan niya. Para hindi na siya nahirapan. Siguraduhin lang niya na pakakawalan niya si Mommy matapos iyon.

I stopped when I saw him slowly shaking his head. "Its Calvin, he wants to marry you. Iyon lang ang habol ni Salvia."

My lips parted at his statement. I heaved a sarcastic, audible breath. I shuddered at the thought of marrying him. That psycho! Mag-ina silang may saltik! Mommy's not safe with them. Fuck.

"Pinaalis kita dahil hindi ka ligtas sa lalaking iyon. I want Prestin to be with me because I'm planning to tell him about your mother's situation. I'm too weak that I need your brother's help but he left with you."

I tilted my head as I frowned a bit. Ayaw pa rin tanggapin ng aking utak ang mga sinasabi niya.

"Salvia freeze your accounts, siguro ay naghihinala siya na pinaalis lamang kita para malayo sa anak niya. I-I let her to make her believed that I really disowned you."

My lips parted as I heard my Dad's voice trembled. I tightly shut my eyes off as he continued.

"Mahal kita, anak. M-mahal ko kayo. Sana ay mapatawad mo ako."

I watched him as tears rolled down his cheeks. Ganoon na lang ang iwas ko ng tingin nang naguunahang naglandas ang mga luha sa aking pisngi. I stared at my son as I let my tears fall. Hindi ko iyon pinalis dahil lalo niyang mahahalata ang aking mga luha kapag ginawa ko iyon.

My emotion who's as firm as the wall was immediately swayed by his words like I'm longing for it. I was in pain for year. What he did made it more painful for me. I was expecting him to be on my side when I got pregnant. I visualized him carrying my newly born son in his arms, trying to calm him and make him sleep. But that didn't happen.

For years, I was busy loathing him for what he did. But after hearing his words, it feels like the hatred I built vanished. As fast as like it was a block of ice melting in a desert.

"How about mom? Do you know where she is?" Tanong ko matapos tumikhim at maingat na nagsalita, dahil sa isang pagkakamali ay alam kung manginginig ang aking boses.

Naramdaman ko ang pagbigat ng aking dibdib nang marahang umiling si Dad.

"Hindi ko alam ang pwedeng gawin ni Salvia kay Aurelia, lalo na ngayong sukdulan ang galit niya dahil sa pagkamatay ni Calvin. She's insisting that you killed him."

Marahas akong napabuga ng hangin. That woman! Sinabi ko ng hindi ako ang pumatay sa anak niya. Imbis na sisihin niya ako at gantihan, bakit hindi na lang niya hanapin ang totoong pumatay sa anak niya?

I stilled as I remember the man that day when I'm inside the elevator with my son. Posible kayang siya ang pumatay? Posibleng siya! He's willing to kill me and my son that day. Malakas ang kutob ko na kami ng anak ko ang habol niya. He went on Prestin's condo. At ang naabutan doon ay ang walang malay na si Calvin kaya't siya ang pinatay?

"I didn't killed him," I whispered. I don't know what he's thinking, if he believes that I killed Calvin or not.

"I know." Sinabayan niya pa iyon ng tango bago ipinagpatuloy ang sasabihin. "Hindi mo kayang gawin ang bagay na iyon. You didn't even know how to fire a gun."

I stopped for a moment as I remember he knew nothing. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang pinasok ko. Kung alam mo lang, hindi ko na mabilang sa aking mga daliri kung ilan na ang aking napatay.

"Babalikan ka ni Salvia. Magiingat ka," he muttered as he caressed my son's hair. "Pati ang apo ko, hindi natin alam kung ano ang kayang gawin ng mga tumutulong kay Salvia."

Kunot ang noo kong inisip kung sino ang maaaring tumulong sa kanya. Naalala ko ang mga tauhan ni Calvin, posible kayang galing iyon sa tumutulong kay Salvia? She has relatives but surely they have no means to pay for people's loyalty.

Cosmos came in my mind but I immediately shrugged that thought off. Why would they even help her?

I stilled as I saw a familiar bouquet on my table. Bumagal ang lakad ko habang nakatuon doon ang pansin. I'm not expecting it after what happened. And I'm not a fool not to know that the bouquet everyday on my table is from Archer.

Marahan kong inangat iyon. I tilted my head when I saw a card on it. I bit my lower lip when I saw what's written in it.

I'm sorry, Aurie.
- AEF

Even without the initials, I know this is from him. Tila ba narinig ko ang boses niya habang binabasa iyon.

I smiled as I remember what happened last night. Kasabay noon ang paginit ng aking pisngi.

Pinalis ko ang mga luhang naglalandas sa aking pisngi, hindi na alintana kung makita iyon ni Dad.

Nasa ganoon akong posisyon nang magingay ang aking telepono. I glanced at it as my heart started ramming my ribcage.

"I'll answer this," paalam ko kay Dad at tumayo upang lumabas ng silid.

Marahan at maingat ang pagbukas ko ng pinto, takot na magising ang anak. Matapos maisara ang pinto ay agad akong sumandal sa pader bago tuluyang sinagot ang tawag.

"Aurie." I shut my eyes off as I heard his voice.

"S-sir?" Mas dumiin ang aking pagkakapikit nang manginig ang aking boses.

"I'm sorry."

Nahigit ko ang aking hininga nang marinig siya. I felt like the ticking of the clock stopped.

"Sir-"

"I told you to call me Archer, Aurie."

I nibbled my lower lip. Hindi ako umimik kaya naman muli siyang nagpatuloy.

"Earlier at the restaurant, did I say something wrong?" His voice softened at his question. "If I did, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I lied. Alam ko kasing hindi ka sasama kung sinabi ko ang totoo," alanganing sambit niya.

"H-hindi naman sa gano'n-"

"I really like you and I know you're not expecting what I did. I should have-" I cutted his words.

"I'm sorry. Na-nabigla lang ako," I bit my lower lip as I remember Prestin's advice. I can clearly remember his exact words.

Why don't you try? Just try and if he really wants to court you just to confirm if you're what they're looking for, then it's his loss. Not yours. You're precious, Auriese.

He told me to accept Archer. To try and conquer my what ifs.

But I don't have the guts to tell it to Arch. Ano 'yon, matapos ko siyang walang pagaalinlangang tangihan ay sasabihin kong joke lang iyon?

"I know, I'm sorry too. And, I want to ask if-"

"Yes!" Nakagat ko ang pangibabang labi nang agad kong pinutol ang sasabihin niya. Natigilan ako sa aking sinabi. 'Wag naman pahalatang marupok, ghorl!

"Really? I thought I already need to find a new secretary. Thank you, Aurie."

Napamaang ako sa sinabi niya. "What?"

"You'll still work as my secretary, right?"

Napakurap ako habang laglag ang aking panga. Tumikhim ako matapos makabawi. "I-iyon ba 'yung tanong mo?"

"Yes, I'm really sorry. I thought you'll resigned after what happened-" May mga sinabi pa siya ngunit hindi ko na naintindihan ang mga iyon.

"Fuck!" I cursed in an inaudible tone. Laglag ang panga at nahihiwagaan akong napatingin sa kawalan.

__________