Barbara

Saturday couldn't come soon enough.

Eleanor was staying with me for a few days. Her wedding was only a couple of weeks away, and she had turned into Bridezilla.

I was responsible for the entire wedding, much to Eleanor and John's chagrin at first. But I'd convinced her this was the last thing I would do for her, and she should let me do it. Guilt tripping her worked.

I made sure to hire the best wedding planner and make the process as stress free for Eleanor as possible, which worked for the months leading to the wedding. But now that there were only two weeks left, I guess it finally clicked that she was getting married. And she was stressing over every little detail. So I made her pack some clothes and stay with me for a few days. Hopefully, being away from the chaos of the city would help her unwind.

"If that asshole doesn't get his head out of his ass, I'm going to beat him up with my roller," Eleanor said, brandishing said roller like a bat. We were in my kitchen, and she was making gingerbread cookies of all things.

I had a stock of chocolate chip cookies, brownies and lemon cakes to last me the entire year thanks to Eleanor's stress relieving habit. Not to mention all the sweets Ryan had sent after I told him to stop sending flowers.

I glanced at the vase of white tulips on the counter and smiled. There was another vase of white and red roses in my bedroom, and another one with white orchids on my living room table. I would be lying if I said the flowers and the sweets hadn't mellowed me out. The fact that he sent those instead of jewelry and expensive bags was even more meaningful to me.

"Eleanor," I scolded gently. "Don't say anything to Ryan."

She scowled at me, her green eyes on fire. Blond whips of hair escaped her ponytail and framed her face. She rolled the dough on the island, grumbling under her breath, "you deserve much better than him. I don't understand why you don't want me to tell him off."

"Thank you," I said. "But that's between me and Ryan. He already apologized-"

She opened her mouth, but I held up my hand and continued, "it doesn't mean I forgive him, and it doesn't mean we're going to get together. I just don't want him to know how much he's hurt me, and you being angry with him would only be proof that he did."

"Whatever," Eleanor said. "He's using his son to get close to you again. You know that, right?"

"Yes, I'm not completely stupid."

"Smartass," she grumbled, getting cookie cutters out of a drawer. "I'm just saying. That either means he doesn't care much for his son or he's desperate. Which one is it?"

"He adores his son," I said.

"So he's desperate." She hummed. "Good."

I smiled, shaking my head. "How's the wedding coming along?" I asked.

She pointed a star shaped cookie cutter at me. "Don't. Just don't. I'm going to kill you."

I made the sugar glaze while Eleanor finished the cookies and stuck them in the oven. Pirate ventured into the kitchen from the living room and laid down near the entrance after getting a few pets.

One hour later, the cookies were out and decorated, the kitchen was clean, and Eleanor was much less grumpy.

I glanced at the clock. Ryan and Jeremy should be here in ten minutes. My heart beat faster. I turned on the coffee machine and touched my hair. It was up in a bun, curls escaped the knot and teased my cheeks and neck. I was wearing a pale blue sweatshirt and sweatpants. Not a speck of makeup on my face.

I resisted the urge to go put something less cozy on and put on lipstick. I wasn't trying to impress anyone. I was in my own home, and I could be dressed however I wanted. If Ryan thought I was drab... well, I didn't care. He could take his opinion and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

"Stop fussing. You look good," Eleanor said, biting into a gingerbread cookie.

"I'm not fussing," I said, crossing my arms.

Eleanor just hummed. "Anyway, when's your interview going live?"

"Darla said it should be a few days," I said, slightly nervous about the interview.

I had done it a few days ago. Billy's scandals were on full swing right now, and Darla said the interview should go public very soon in order to take advantage of the momentum.

I didn't know if people would even care about it. I just did it in order to give Darla something back for going public with Billy's scandals.

"Did Billy send you anything else?" Eleanor asked through a mouthful of cookies.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and dunked a cookie in. "Nothing else. I left all his messages on read."

Billy suspected I had something to do with all the scandals he'd been implicated in. He didn't have any proof, so all he could do was insult and curse. I left all his messages on read. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a reply.

Unfortunately, I knew he was going to get out of everything with a little slap on the wrist. Graham and his wife would probably send him oversees after the police were done investigating until the noise died down. But he wouldn't get his hands on the CEO position of OG Foods, and that was my goal all along.

The door bell rang, and my heart lept to my throat.

"I'll get it!" Eleanor said, already jumping over Pirate and heading to the door. I sighed. No matter what I said, I just knew she was going to make a scathing remark to Ryan. I finished my cookie while she got out.

Minutes later, I could hear Jeremy's high-pitched voice. He appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, and my heart squeezed. I missed him so much. Pirate stood up, his tail wagging. Jeremy pet my dog then stormed into the kitchen, leaving Lady and Pirate to greet each other.

I smiled as he came around the island and hugged me. I squeezed him to me, grateful I had this child in my life. The knowledge that he would never truly be mine did not make me love him any less. Chosen family, I was well aware, could be as loving and binding as blood family. Even more.

"Your house is so cool Barbara!" he said, looking up at me. "Can we go down to the beach? Do you think Lady will be scared of the waves?"

"Hopefully not. She's a brave girl," I said, brushing my hand over his hair. "But we should ask your Dad first, okay?"

"I'll take you down to the beach, Jeremy. Pirate and Lady will love the sand," Eleanor said, coming into the kitchen. I expected to see Ryan behind her. He wasn't.

"Okay!" Jeremy said, zipping past Eleanor out of the kitchen.

"Dad! May I go down to the beach? May I?"

"Sure. Just be careful. And don't go near the water." Ryan's deep voice traveled to the kitchen and went right to my heart. Eleanor gave me a knowing look.

"Okay!"

Eleanor left to accompany Jeremy and the dogs. The salty breeze of the ocean filled the house and the sound of the waves couldn't drown out Jeremy and Eleanor's laughter.

I waited for a few more seconds in the kitchen, but Ryan didn't appear. I stepped out. He was standing at the still open front door, carrying a box and a shopping bag.

"What are you doing at the door?" I asked. "Come in."

"Just taking in the place. Your house is beautiful." He stepped inside.

"Thank you." I walked past him to close the door since his hands were full.

He was staring. I closed the door and turned. Our eyes met. We were so close, I could feel his warmth. Butterflies erupted in my belly. His dark eyes were so intense up close, so warm and welcoming.

Snap out of it!

I stepped back and broke eye contact.

"Come in," I said, hoping my heart would be back to normal by the time I stood behind the island.

Ryan filled the kitchen with his presence. He put the box and the bag on the island and opened the box first. "I got you this."

"You didn't have to," I said.

"It's my first time visiting your house. Of course I had to," he said, and proceeded to take out a bonsai tree. My eyes widened.

"A bonsai? I've always wanted one," I mumbled, touching the bare branches.

"I know. It's winter so it doesn't look very pretty," he said, putting the empty box on the floor. "But this one is a blooming bonsai. I'm told the color is very pretty."

"What color are the flowers?"

He grinned, and his eyes sparkled. "You just have to find out when spring comes."

I blinked slowly. "Thank you for the thoughtful gift."

His grin widened. "You're welcome."

He pushed the shopping bag closer and said, "these are some treats and toys for your pets. Jeremy picked them out."

"More treats?"

Jeremy. I smiled, peeking inside the bag. It was full of toys and treats. Thinking about Jeremy picking and choosing the gifts one by one made my heart swell.

Ryan sighed. "So Jeremy's gift gets a smile, huh?"

I pursed my lips and pushed back my smile. Was he hurt? He didn't look it. "I appreciate both your gifts. Thank you."

Right then, there was a series of loud meow. I'd left Pie sleeping up in my bedroom. She must be up.

"I'm here!" I called out.

Ryan gave me a look. Seconds later, Pie came ambling on three paws into the kitchen, trilling. She ignored Ryan and came straight to brush her body against my legs, her tail up and quivering. I picked her up. She purred loudly.

Ryan chuckled. "That's so loud. I take it this is Pie?"

I looked up, surprised. "How did you know?"

"You said your cats' names are Pie and Pepper," Ryan said, leaning against the island. "So this must be Pie. She has three legs. I take it you named her after the number?"

I nodded. He remembered my cats' names. And he knew why I called her Pie. Not many people understood the name at first. It shouldn't make my heart flutter, but it did.

Pie squirmed and jumped on the island. She walked up to Ryan. He gave her a hand. She sniffed, then rubbed her face against his hand. He chuckled and obliged, petting her.

"Would you like some coffee?"

"Please," he said, rubbing Pie's ears. She flopped on her back and reached for his hand with her paw. Clearly, she liked him. Ryan chuckled, rubbing the bottom of her neck. "I never thought I would be a cat person, but I see it now. They're cute."

"Yeah. Thinking about getting Jeremy another pet?" I asked, pulling a mug from the cupboard. I poured a fresh cup of coffee and slid it across the island to him. He was rubbing Pie's belly, and her purr put motorcycles to shame.

"Thank you," he said. "And no. we're still getting used to Lady. Maybe in a few years? We'll see."

I put together a plate of cookies and made a pot of hot chocolate. As I moved through the kitchen, Ryan's eyes followed me, a thread pulsing between us.

There was a hiss. I turned. Pepper was at the door of the kitchen, looking at Ryan like he just trespassed on her personal property and she was considering using her murder mittens on him.

Ryan smiled, sitting at the island with Pie in his lap now. That three-legged cat could charm the socks off of anyone. "And that must be Pepper. The name fits."

"Don't insult her. She's the boss around here," I said.

"I can see that," Ryan said.

Pepper sauntered into the kitchen, ignoring Ryan. She jumped on the window sill overlooking the beach, glared at the flower vase that dared crowd her spot, and licked her paws.

I poured the steaming hot chocolate in two insulated mugs and put them with the plate of cookies on a tray.

"Let's go outside."

***

My face felt hot in the cold wind outside. I put the tray on the back porch table and sat down on the steps. Jeremy and Eleanor were all the way down the beach, Eleanor was holding something over her head, and Jeremy and the dogs were trying to get to it.

I could hear her laughter from here. I smiled, crossing my arms against the cold. I probably should've put on my coat.

A heavy warmth settled on my shoulders. I glanced back. Ryan was putting his coat around my shoulders. He sat down beside me, dressed in a black turtle neck sweater.

"You'll get cold," I said.

"Don't worry about me. My muscle layer will insulate me." He smiled at me. "You think all these muscles are just for show?"

"How very humble," I mumbled, pulling the coat tighter around me. It was warm and it smelled like him. My throat closed up. Why did it make me want to cry and smile at the same time?

We watched the four run alongside the water until they were nothing but specks of dark on the golden sand.

"It's a private beach?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah. Just me and the neighbors. And they're mostly here during the summer."

He let out a deep breath and leaned back. "Ah, it's really nice out here. All the city noise and chaos makes me want to bury myself under the ground sometimes."

"Thank you for bringing Jeremy," I said. "Eleanor needed to play around and be carefree for a bit."

"Is something wrong?"

"Her wedding is in a couple of weeks and she's been stressed lately," I said. "Jeremy is such a bright kid, just what she needs to get out of her head."

Ryan hummed, his eyes on his son. "He looks like he's going to be asking to come down here pretty often."

"He's welcome here anytime he wants," I said truthfully. Having the little kid's company would be welcome, especially after Eleanor left for Texas.

"Just Jeremy?" Ryan asked, his expression only half-joking. He didn't wait for an answer I couldn't give.

"I'm glad, you know," he said.

"What for?"

"That you're still talking to me... about things," he said, using the words I'd once said to him.

I opened my mouth- to say what? I didn't know. Unlike what I'd told Eleanor earlier, I had forgiven Ryan. His rejection had hurt, the fact that he hadn't explained the reason for it had hurt, and I didn't know if I'd recovered from it.

But I forgave him. He'd been in a tight spot, and he loved Jeremy more than life itself. But would I ever forget the heartbreak I'd been through? I doubted it, and I doubted I would ever trust him enough to be in a relationship with him. I had given him my heart on a platter and I doubted I would ever be cold enough to do it again.

Friends? Maybe. More than friends? I didn't know. I honestly didn't know.

He nudged my knee with his and blew out a breath. It fogged in the crisp ocean air.

"Don't overthink it. I know I screwed up. I don't expect you to forgive me anytime soon. And I'm grateful you're even willing to let me be in your life like this. Maybe one day you'll find it in your heart to forgive me."

I sighed. Honesty. "I forgive you, Ryan. But that doesn't mean I'm ready to be more than... whatever this is."

He leaned forward to catch my eyes, and a lock of hair fell on his forehead. "Friends?"

I gave a reluctant nod. "Friends."

He smiled, his eyes sparkling with joy. Friends... Did friends make your heart skip a beat and wreck a havoc of butterflies in your stomach?

Ryan's phone rang. In my pocket. His coat's pocket.

I pulled it out and as I gave it to him, I caught the caller's ID. Miranda.

My shoulders hunched. Ryan took the phone and grumbled something under his breath. He ended the call, put the phone on silent and put it face down on the step next to him.

"Can I talk to you about something?" he asked. "Since we're friends and all."

"Sure." I turned to lean against the railing and looked at him. His profile was sharp, the tip of his nose a little red from the cold.

"I don't know if Miranda is moving here for Jeremy's sake."

I frowned. That wasn't what I expected to hear. "Why would she move here then?"

Ryan winced. "I told you she wants to get back together."

My heart pinched. "Yeah."

"That's why she's moving here. And she's using Jeremy as an excuse to do it."

I frowned. I'd only seen Miranda in Jenny and Jordan's house. I didn't like her much, mainly because of the underhanded comments she threw my way, but also because she had something I envied; Jeremy and Ryan. But in all fairness, she looked like she really cared about Jeremy.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Ninety percent?" Ryan sighed. "Jenny said something, about Miranda manipulating me through Jeremy. This is a blow to my ego to admit to the woman I like- more than like- but I think Jenny's right."

The woman he liked. More than liked. Me. What?

The words lodged themselves in my head, echoing like the final note of a church organ.

Oblivious to the mess his words made of me, Ryan continued, and I forced myself to focus on his speech.

"I've been going over our interactions ever since we met, and everything points to that. She's been using Jeremy as leverage to basically force my hand," he said, his jaw ticked and his brows grew heavy over his eyes. "And it's my fault. I've been blinded by my obsession to give Jeremy what I never had. Two parents in his life who cared for him. That I hurt the people around me in the process. I hurt you in the process-"

"Ryan-"

"No, you deserve to know what happened. I'm still trying to come to terms with it myself," he said. "Even the birthday party that she planned right after finding out we had a movies date... God, the movies' date. I fucked up that day. I just never expected someone to be that... manipulative."

I frowned at my lap. Would Miranda go to that extent? I'd like to believe she would just because I didn't like her. But I honestly didn't know her enough to judge. However, Jenny and Ryan knew her enough. If they thought she was capable of it, then she would.

I remembered Elizabeth's Christmas party, her insistent phone calls during the evening. Now it all made sense.

Ryan picked up his phone. The screen was flashing. He scoffed and showed me the screen. Notifications from Miranda.

"How much do you bet that Jeremy told her we're coming to your house today," Ryan said with a humorless smile.

I made a face. "Really?"

He dropped the phone next to him. "I bet he did."

"I'm sorry," I said. I didn't even want to know how it felt to find out you were being manipulated, that your own son was being used against you by his own mother.

Miranda was such a bitch.

He waved me off and leaned back. "In a way, I'm actually relieved. I decided I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt when she moves here. But if she fucks up matters with Jeremy..."

"Jeremy loves her," I said.

"Exactly. And if she only cares about him as a bargaining chip, I'm no longer going to give her that much power in his life."

That would be a difficult decision. For Jeremy's sake, I truly hoped that all this was just conjecture. But I knew first hand how some women did not deserve to be mothers.

Jeremy and Eleanor were still down the beach. They looked like they were building a sandcastle.

The door bell echoed inside the house, spilling out through the backdoor. I frowned. Who could it be?

"Are you expecting someone?" Ryan asked.

"No. Maybe it's John?" I said, standing up. "He's the only one who would come here."

I stepped inside the house, its warmth hugging me. The intercom camera revealed a familiar brown-haired man looking out of the window of a black sports' car.

Billy.

He was alone, from what I could see. What did he want? He rang the bell again and honked repeatedly. I sighed. What a bother. I rang him in and stepped out.

Billy drove the car in, screeched to a halt and stormed out of it, looking like death warmed over. His hair was a mess, his eyes were sunk in and he looked like he'd lost some weight.

"I know it's you!" he said, pointing an accusing finger at me. He stopped at the bottom of the steps.

I stayed at the top, crossed my arms and leaned against the railing. "Whatever are you talking about, Billy?"

"Drop the crap, Barbara," he said, taking a threatening step forward. "You're the only one who'd benefit off of this."

This spoiled brat. He never learned his lesson.

"Benefit how, exactly?" I asked, straightening up. "Don't kid yourself, Billy. You're the one who sold drugs in your clubs. You're the one who sexually harassed all those women. You're the one who fucked up. Don't blame it on me. And how exactly did I benefit? Did I get my position back? Did I get my grandmother's necklace back? Don't kid yourself. You fucked up and you're paying the price. So grow the hell up and stop looking for someone to blame."

His face grew redder as I spoke.

"You never wanted me to get the CEO position!" he said. "That's why you did this! Don't try to deny it."

I smiled and leaned forward. "So what are you going to do about it?"

If he got any angrier, smoke would be coming out of his ears. His eyes turned wide. "You bitch! The company is mine! Not just OG Foods! The entire corporation is mine! You think this is going to stop me from taking over? I'm the Owens heir-"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, shut up. You wouldn't get any position within the group unless your parents pull some strings. Then you'll drive it to the ground in no time at all."

"You don't know that!" Billy said. He looked like he was going to stomp his foot anytime now.

"Sure," I said, bored of this conversation. It was like speaking with a spoiled five year old.

He leapt up the stairs and gripped my arm tightly. "Now look here, you bitch-"

I twisted my arm out of his grip and shoved him. He stepped back, almost tripping. "Don't touch me."

He took a step forward and raised his hand.

"That's about enough," Ryan said.

Billy froze, his eyes beyond me. I glanced over my shoulder. Ryan loomed in the doorway like a dark titan. He stepped forward and stood next to me.

"Billy. Lovely to see you here," Ryan said in a pleasant tone, though his face was anything but pleasant.

"Davies," Billy said, stepping back. He looked between the two of us and sneered. "I thought you were back with your wife."

"Ex-wife," Ryan said. "And no, we're not back. Why? Are you interested in Miranda? I can give you her number."

I bit back a smile. Billy chuckled nervously. "Maybe. I'll just see you around, Barbara."

He ran down the stairs, got into his car and drove out like his tail was on fire.

Ryan was still staring at the empty gate, his dark eyes narrowed. "Is this the first time he comes to see you?"

"Yeah. Why?"

He turned to me and smiled brightly. "Nothing. Let's go back inside."

--- ---- ---

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Happy fasting!

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M.B.