IM BACK!!!

Sorry I took so long. I had finals and then I have been busy with my family for the holidays.

How was your Christmas???

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Quinn's P.O.V.

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"Hey girls!" I greet as I drop myself in the chair opposite Cara at the table.

"What's wrong with you?" Rae asks with a raised eyebrow.

I shrug and raise my hand getting the waitress attention.

I sit with my eyes focused on her as she notices me and walks over.

"Hi!" She beams. "Are you ladies ready for me to take your order?"

"I just need a drink. I haven't looked at the menu, so maybe give me a minute." I respond.

"Ok. That's fine. Take all the time you need. I will get your drink order and then give you all a few minute and take your entree orders. What would you like to drink?"

"I'll have a coke and vodka, no ice please." I look at her, she's writing it down.

"Would anyone like an appetizer while you wait or refills?"

"No thank you." Meghan replies.

Wow. I didn't even realize she's sitting right there. She has become apart of our girls Saturday lunch date since a little after Rae's wedding and Bryce offered Dylan a job at his main office here as a project manager since he was laid off from his job back home in South Carolina.

"Another water and lemon please, extra ice!" Rae requests raising her empty glass. She's normally the one having mojitos.

"No, I'm fine." Cara responds.

"No that will be it for now." I tell her after looking at the first page at the appetizers.

I'm really not hungry.

"Ok great! One vodka and coke and a water with lemon and extra ice coming right up!" She smiles and walk away.

I wish I could be as happy about my life as she is about her job.

"So you've been very quiet all week, you didn't come and baby sit with Ethan this Thursday and now you're here in sweats ordering Vodka and coke in the afternoon. What's going on?" Rae asks.

I love Cara, but no one knows me as well as Rae. She can always tell what's going on with me.

I shrug not really wanting to say anything. I have been wanting to tell Rae about my problems but it sort of feels like I'm betraying our relationship by telling others our personal problems. I feel like those are issues between Ethan and I and I shouldn't have to drag other people into my problems.

But keeping to myself for as long as I have at this point hasn't done me any good.

I sigh.

"Seriously Quinn what's wrong, you look like you haven't slept. There are bags under your eyes. If it's work that is stressing you, you can tell me." Rae encourages me to speak. While Cara and Meghan sip their drinks with their eyes focusing on me.

"Here you go." I look to see the waitress placing the drinks infront of us before she disappears again.

I take a sip.

Should I tell them? I ponder.

Oh what the hell, it's just the girls.

"It's not work, Ethan and I are having problems." I hang my head feeling like a failure at my relationship now that I have admitted it out loud.

"Quinn I'm sure you two will work it out, stop stressing. If anyone is meant to be, it's you and Ethan. Rae smiles at me and rubs my hand resting on the table.

" I agree." Meghan pipes in. " I know I don't know you as well as Raelynn and Cara, but from what I have seen, you two are perfect for each other. I wish that one day my marriage is as strong as the bond you two share."

"Be careful what you wish for!" I tell her before I take my first mouthful of my beverage.

"It can't be that bad, I can't see you two arguing seriously." Cara says.

"No it's bad. And I don't think there is any solution for it." I tell them taking another mouthful.

"Are you going to tell us or do we need to keep asking? Its totally fine if you don't feel comfortable talking about it." Cara says.

"Ethan wants a baby!" I tell them grim faced.

"Ok?" Cara asks.

"Why is that a problem? Are you not ready to have kids? You already knew that being with an older partner, might cause timing issues. So why is it a problem? " Rae asks.

"You guys don't understand. Timing is not the problem, it never will be about timing. There is no timing. I can't have kids. At first I wasn't ready, but when I saw how bad Ethan wanted kids and how happy being around his nieces and nephews make him, I decided to try." I tell them.

"Quinn, sometimes these things take times. Not everyone have the same luck or gets pregnant within the first year. Just don't give up so quick." Cara tells me.

"No, like I can't have kids. He doesn't know that I've been trying. He thinks I'm on birth control. But I'm not. He's the only guy I don't use protection with and its been over a year and nothing has happened. I was just being hopefully but now I have to come to accept that what the doctor said years ago is really true." I swallow the rest of my drink feeling the warm liquid pump through my system.

"What do you mean by years ago? Why did the doctors tell you about not having kids years ago? You never told me about that?" Rae asks.

"No one knows, except my mom and dad." I whisper not wanting to think about it.

"Quinn?-" Rae looks at me worriedly.

"Quinn, what happened?" Meghan asks. "Oh god!" She covers her mouth.

I know she figured it out.

"No, no!" Rae shakes her head. "Please don't tell me it's what I'm thinking?"

"It is. I was raped. I was only 9 years old. My mom had this new boyfriend. He would always get drunk and knock my mother around, and when he was tired of her or she would no longer move from being knocked out, he would start beating on me. One night he pulled my pajamas down and spanked me on my butt. But it never stopped there, he started to touch me and didn't stop. He forced himself on top of me and did terrible things to me until I passed out. I woke up the next morning to my father standing over me screaming with the phone next to his ear. It was his weekend to have me and he came to pick me up. After getting no answer, he tried his keys on the door, and since my mother hadn't changed the lock after their separation, he was able to get in. He said it was the worst day of his life. I had strangulation marks around my neck, my arms were welted and purple form where he squeezed and held me. He found me laying naked in the living room on the floor with blood dried all round me. The police, ambulance and Child Protective Services showed up after he called. My mother was still out cold looking even worse. I will never forget what the doctor said when I was examined even though I was only 9. He told my dad that I had severe internal damaged to my cervix and I would never be able to have kids. My moms boyfriend was never found, he had left that night. I told everyone that I moved with my dad as a choice during the divorce, but actually after being in CPS for 3 days, my father got full custody as my mother was found unfit to raise me. Months later I developed and ovarian cyst and my left ovary was removed." I wipe the tears now freely falling as I bit my lips watching their reactions.

Rae is crying and shaking her head while Cara has her mouth open and Meghan looks as if she has no idea what to do.

"Oh my god! I had no idea. You should have told me. I can't imagine that happening to you or myself or my kids. Quinn I'm so sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve that." She tells me still crying.

"It's life Rae. It's not your fault and it's in the past. Things happen and they help to shape us into the people we are today. I had a therapist and she helped me a lot. I haven't thought about it and I haven't let it break me, but now that Ethan wants a child, it's affecting me more than ever. The idea that I was robbed the opportunity to give Ethan a child, to have my own family." I sigh saying it aloud for the first time.

Before Cara could say anything, we were interrupted by the waitress who was ready to take our orders.

We all told her what we wanted and she left to put in the order and we resumed our conversation.

"I had no idea. I really didn't. I would have been there for you." Cara gets up and hugs me briefly before going back to her chair. "Maybe you should try going back to the doctor now that you are older and see if anything has changed?" She tells me.

"I did. I went back to the doctor when I went back home for the holidays one day in college to get the birth control shot and he did an exam. I asked him if anything changed and he explained that there is a 4% chance of me getting pregnant and if I do get pregnant, I would never be able to carry the baby to full term. That's why I was scared to get pregnant at first, the thought of losing it but then I wanted to try for Ethan because I love him so much. I wanted to give him that 4% chance. But I can't. I can't give him the one thing he wants the most. He's going to leave me. Ethan wants his own child, he's going to leave me once I tell him. I know I need to tell him but I just bring myself to, I know he's going to leave me. I'm damaged goods, I will be no good to him." I cry desperately.

"I can't begin to understand what you're going through. I really can't Quinn, but if there is anything that you have learned from Bryce and I, is that lies and secrets get you nowhere and only end up hurting you and those around you in the end. Tell him before it does more damage. Let him help you heal. Ethan will understand. Ethan loves you. You're not damaged, you're beautiful, you're perfect." Rae tells me.

I wish it was that easy. It's so much more easier said than done.

"Or you can have mine." Rae laughs. I guess she's trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah right. Bryce would go bananas!" Meghan laughs following after Rae. I use the napkin in my lap to wipe my eyes.

"Well it can be our secret since he doesn't know about this one yet." Rae smiles.

"What?" We all scream at the same time.

"Oh damn. Quinn I'm sorry! I'm a terrible friend, I shouldn't have mentioned it right now. I'm sorry." She apologizes, he smile fading.

I laugh at her. "No, that's the best news ever Rae. I'm very happy for you. That honeymoon must have been really great. I see that Bryce is not playing about having a soccer team. This actually made me feel better." I tell her.

"Congrats Raelynn! I'm so happy for you! I've been trying to convince Dylan to start a family but hes not ready. I guess Qiunn and I need to switch husband's." Meghan laughs.

"No I'm fine!" I tell her. No offense but I would never trade Ethan. He's a good man, he's not the problem, I am.

"Now I feel bad! You are both having baby problems and I'm here oblivious with my peanut." Rae pouts.

I look over and realize there is an extra chair at the table. Before I could formulate a thought to ask why, Shantel appeared and kiss all of our cheeks before sitting down.

"Hey!" We all greet in chirpy voices as if we weren't just having a serious conversation.

Rae give me the look saying we're going to talk more later.

I simply nod that I understand and it's ok.

"Your late. I thought you weren't coming anymore." Says Rae.

"I couldn't miss hanging with you guys on my weekend back. I only get to do this once a month or every other month. So anyways, What's everyone so giddy about?" Shantel asks placing her phone on the table and folding the napkin out in there lap.

"Rae's pregnant!" Cara blurts.

"Well shit, thank god I'm no longer the only one." She says under her breath but we clearly hear her.

"What?"

"Your lying?"

"Bryce is going to kill you if Elena doesn't."

"Congrats to you and Wesley!"

Were all said in unision.

I lean back in my chair, just watching her smile and glow.

Wow. Even Shantel's having a kid and all I have a 4% chance that's probably never going to happen.

A 4% chance of having a baby.

A 4% chance of keeping Ethan.

A 4% chance of a family.

A 4% chance of happiness.

When did life get this complicated?

~~~~~Author's Note~~~~

I know some of you are ready for Evan's story but this one has to happen first as it sets the tone for The Billionaire Bachelor. I hadn't plan on it but others wanted Quinn and Ethan's story. So just be patient. It won't be long :)

What are your thoughts about Quinn?

Do you think Ethan will leave or stay?

What do you think is going to happen?

Shantel and Wesley are pregnant!!!