I am tired I'd saying sorry for taking so long to update! So I won't! Just know that life happens and school is stressful!

Anyways I am really trying to update faster!

Enjoy!!!

For all those who keep messaging me to update ASAP lol you really do push me to update faster! Xoxo!

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ETHAN'S P.O.V.

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As much as my head was pounding, I got out of Evan's bed and picked up my clothes. At the sight at my bloody shirt and the smell, I tossed them aside and took a sweatpants and white t-shirt from my brothers closet.

I rushed out of the penthouse not trying to run into Evan or Cara, this is too embarassing and confusing. Upon arriving in the lobby, I realized that I had no idea where my keys and phone were but I just couldn't stop. I had needed to get home to Quinn, so I had the security at the front desk call my driver. I would have taken a cab but I had no cash on me or my card. So I waited.

Nothing Evan said had made sense.

As soon as I had made it home, I rushed up to my loft. With no keys I pounded on the door. Quinn didn't answer.

I wanted to go back down and get a spare key from the desk but with the rage on Evan's face haunting me and his words that I lost Quinn, I stepped back and had launched myself into the door breaking it down.

The light was on but it was quiet. I ran through the place frantic looking for Quinn. I stopped at the sight of blood and followed the trail to the bathroom. The mirror was shattered and there was blood all over the sink.

Then it all slowly started coming back to me.

This is why I now sat here on the bed watching the sunrise while I dial Meghan's number from my house phone.

"Hello?" She whispers, answering after the third ring.

"Meghan! What happened?" I yell.

"It's work Dylan, about the project why I got home so late, go back to sleep." It sounded distant but I clearly heard. What project?

"Meghan!" I yell once more losing my patience. "What the hell happened? What is my brother talking about?" I remember Quinn punching the light out of me and leaving, me punching the mirror like an idiot and getting blood everywhere, going back to the office trying to think and sober up, Meghan offering to wrap my hand and then it all becomes a blur. Like, what the hell did I do?

I hear a door close and light sobs into the phone. "You mean you don't remember Ethan?" She asks me.

"Remember what?" I gulp as the color starts to drain from my face. If this is as bad as Evan claims I don't know what I am going to do. But many things aren't making sense either. Evan made it seem like Quinn was here, but she left and I am sure she told Cara, so I'm surprised she didn't tell him.

"Oh god Ethan, I thought you were serious! I should have know you weren't."

"Serious about what?"

"After wrapping your hand I was about to leave for the night but then you went into a blind rage about Quinn leaving you and you not wanting her anymore and wasn't in love with her. You told me you wanted me, that it was a woman like me that you always wanted, the perfect family woman. I told you I didn't think it was right but I didn't want to leave you alone. So I stayed and had some drinks with you and you confessed that you loved me and wanted me to have your baby. I told you that I've been in love with you for a while now and next thing I know you punched in the code for the penthouse and had me up against the elevator. You brought me inside, tossed me on the bed and stripped me of all my clothes. I know I was drunk too and probably would have stopped it if I was thinking straight but we made love Ethan. I'm sorry that you don't remember, but I don't regret it! We made love."

Did I really get that drunk and do that? Was I that mad?

"Ethan? Please say something! Please don't tell me you regret what happened because what I felt with you last night was like nothing I've ever fel-"

I end the call and drop the phone with all the strength being drained from my body.

I couldn't listen to anymore. It felt like I was watching the American Horror story as I listened to her talk.

"Oh god! What have I done!" I slump forward and let the tears flow.

How do I tell this to Quinn without her leaving me?

I don't love Meghan and I don't want her, I never had and I never will.

I might have admired the fact that she wanted to have kids for her husband but I don't want her or her kids.

What if she gets pregnant?

I fall to the floor in a ball.

I want a kid but I can't do it, I can't raise it if it's not Quinn's. But what would I do, tell her to kill it? I can't do that either.

Forget being a man, my heart is breaking. Breaking from what I've done to the one I love. I'm breaking my own fucking heart.

She can't leave me!

"Quinn! Quinn please come back!" I whisper as I cry silently tasting my salty tears as I beg her to stay. Hoping that wherever she is she can hear me. Hoping that she will love me enough to forgive my mistake even if it takes days, months or years. Hoping that she will still want me! Hoping that she will forget about how terrible I have been towards her. Hoping that she will forgive me for my transgressions. Hoping that it was all a dream. Hope. I'm hopeful but this is reality and I need to face it and make things right. I don't want to tell Quinn because I can't guarantee the outcome. I don't want to tell her because I have hurt her enough! What if this is all it will take to ruin us forever! To push her into the arms of another?

I don't want to tell her!

But I must, I have to! I owe her the truth after everything I've done! But the truth won't set her free. It will break her beyond repair. It will break us.

I lay there watching the sun rise.

What happened to me? I was clearly losing myself.

When do I start caring about what others have, instead of being grateful for what I have? When did I become so obsessed with wanting my little brothers life when he lived a life of hell? Raising his little sister when he needed someone to raise him himself. Missing the first 5 years of his kids life because he was young and fighting his own internal battle? My brother who has scars on his body and his childhood memories? A man who one of his kids didn't want to go to upon meeting him?

Is that what I was really chasing and chased Quinn away? All I saw was the happiness they have and all the joy the kids bring to them! I failed to think about anything else, I was so caught up in wanting it. But why? When I would never want to go through what he went through.

But now, I created my own cluster fuck because I was so busy wanting someone else's life when I had my own that was great. A great woman who loved me beyond word and would move mountains for me. I told her that I never asked her for anything and the one thing I asked her for she couldn't give me. But that wasn't fair because she never asked me for anything either and she never complained. She's just always cracking jokes being goofy and content with any and everything.That's my Quinn. That was my Quinn until I took the light out of her eyes.

My Quinn didn't ask for anything and she deserved everything. She deserved my all, she deserved so much more than what I gave her.

I didn't even realize it until now.

Now that I think about it, if she'd treated me the way I treated her, I would hate her.

But she still loved me even then.

I was too caught up to realize her smiles weren't what they used to be. They weren't the I'm ok smile, they were the I'm trying to be.

If I can destroy something as fragile and as beautiful as her, then I never deserved her love anyways.

I don't deserve her.

She deserves better.

Maybe I should just let her go.

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SHANTEL'S P.O.V.

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White and gold or blue and black? I mull over in my head as I stand in front of the mirror looking at which shirt hides my now bulging stomach!

Did I mention I'm getting fat? I thought that started in the second trimester.

To say that Wesley haven't noticed how much I've been eating would be a lie but thanks to that I was able to say its weight gain and not pregnancy.

Sunday I wanted to talk to Evan about my feelings and him being with me despite being pregnant but then he never came and I heard Rae tell Bryce that he was with Cara.

I gave up. He doesn't love me. It was so quick for him to call me a mistake and move on.

It's just too bad that I love him.

I faked being sick and told them I would be going back to Atlanta to Wesley instead of back home to South Carolina. It was time to tell him the truth. Tell him that I'm pregnant and ready to move away to Canada with him next month to start his new job and build a life there.

But I just couldn't.

I tried to tell him but then nausea started to set in and I fled home like a coward.

But I'm going to tell him today.

School is out for the summer Holiday. Well for college students at least. The kids still have a couple of weeks to go before they are on summer holiday and here with Elena or Raelynn's parents and grandparents who likes to take them on trips.

As I'm pulling the shirt over my head the door bell goes off but it doesn't stop. Whoever is at the door just kept ringing and ringing.

Ggrrrh.

I pull my shirt down and go to answer the door since Elena and Granddad are both out back with the maids in the garden.

I run down the stairs and to the front door to see Elena already standing there about to open the door. I thought she was still outside. Well, I guess there is no need for me to stand here, back to my room I go. I turn to go back up the stairs.

"Ethan?" She questions in surprise.

What? I turn back around to see if it was really him at the door or if Evan finally came around. But I'm sure Elena would mistake her sons.

"Mo...mom!" He answers her but it's not like him. His hair is all over, he's in a plain white T-shirt and sweats. His hand is bandaged up and there is a smear of blood on his right cheek. His eyes I couldn't see because he was hanging his head slightly and had sunglasses on.

Elena drop the garden gloves she had in her arms and pulled him to her. "What's wrong?" She asks worriedly looking him over for any sign of hurt.

"Mom I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I disappointed you." He sobs out in her shoulder hugging her back.

"Ethan what are you sorry for? What happened?" Elena questions in a motherly tone.

He let go of her and step back with his head still down.

"I treated Quinn like crap, cheated on her and possibly got another woman pregnant. I'm a disappointment to you mom. I'm so sorry."

Smack!

I gasp as Elena slaps him across the face.

"Behind every disrespectful man there is a father I want to kick in the balls for failing to show their son how to respect and treat a woman. I want to more than kick Edward in his balls, eyes, nose. That's beside the point, but-" She rants with her hands on her hips.

I shrink back to blend with the wall, like that's would work.

"Mom, I'm sorry!"

"No Ethan. I don't want to hear it. If you were a real man you would never hurt a woman. A real man never hurts a woman. You need to be very careful when you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. A woman comes from a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on and not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved." She tells him.

I wipe away the tears that started to stream from my eye. Watching Ethan cry, seeing Elena disappointment and hearing her words undid me. It feels like she's speaking life into me.

It must be the hormones.

I wish she would give this lecture to Evan as well. He really needs it.

"I know mom!"

"Don't you dare tell me you know! I heard what has been going on between you and Quinn, I have seen you two and heard you first hand when you thought no one was around. I thought you would have come to your senses by now. But you haven't I see. If you expect a woman to be an angel in your life, then you first have to create a heaven for her. You had Quinn living in a daily hell with you and you stand here crying? I raised you better than that. Don't you ever use your father as an excuse. He is no man! He is an animal, a vulture and cruel beast. There really is no name for what he is. You are nothing close to him, but I am disappointed. You come crying to me after it all fell down! Why didn't you ask for guidance before? That is what I am here for, you and your brothers know you can always talk to me." She sighs dropping her arms to her side.

She reaches and touch his face. "Did you ever think of me Ethan when you were doing what you did? A real man knows how to respect a woman because he knows the feeling if someone would disrespect his mother."

She rubs the spot she had slapped. "Next time, think of me, your nieces, your daughters and even your own sister if she was here. I expected better. The only advice I can give you is not to wallow in your guilt, guilt is a wasted emotion. If you really want that girl then fix it." She drops her hand, picks up her gloves and leave.

I stand there looking at Ethan as he stays frozen in the same spot.

He finally looks up directly at me as if knowing that I have been standing there the entire time.

He takes his sunshades off and I cringe at the sight I see.

He had a black eye, there were bags under his eyes and his eye look dead and sunken in. His face looks gruff with days old stubble and his nose seems red and broken.

"Come!" I all I say as I reach my hand out to him.

He looks hesitant but then steps forward and takes my hand.

I slowly lead him up the stairs and towards my room shutting the door behind us.

I let his hand go and sit on the bed patting the spot next to me. He sits next to me.

He slumps forward with his head in his hand. "I messed up Shantel and I don't know how to fix it, I don't know if I can."

I rub his back comforting him. "Nothing tried nothing done Ethan, we all make mistakes. And Quinn loves you, I think you should just be honest with her. You seems to really regret what happened and I know you love her, you two are meant to for each other." I tell him soothingly.

"I can't live without her!" His body starts to tremble and I realize he's crying.

He falls over and lay his head in my lap.

"It will be ok Ethan, im sure Quinn will forgive you. You will just have to work hard to get her back!" I pat his back. I really hope Quinn takes him back.

"Oh god she's going to hate me." He shakes harder.

"Ethan calm down!" I rub my hand through his hair while the other rub his back trying to get him to calm down. To say this was easy for my already emotionally unstable self would not be true.

Seeing a man I look up to broken and losing his mind made me feel like I was going through it with him.

"Why are you being nice to me, why do you still care after what I did?" He asks me.

"Shhhh! Things happen, it's not the end of the world." I rock us back and forth. "I was told by my sister when I was younger that you love people when they least deserve it because that's when they need it the most. It will all work out Ethan!"

Or maybe not I thought as my nausea started to peak its ugly head again.

I wish I had that much confidence in myself.

I don't want to intervene but I will help Ethan by any means possible to get Quinn back.

What I see between the two of them is true love.

True love is not something that can be found either, it has to built.

They built that and I admire them for that.

It's time I admire myself and tell Evan that I love him.

~~~~~Author's Note~~~~~

I JUST GOT OFF THE ROLLERCOASTER AND I AM SO DIZZY! POOR ETHAN!

MEGHAN??? SHE IS TOTALLY MENTAL!

QUINN'S P.O.V UP NEXT! LETS SEE IF SHE WILL TAKE ETHAN BACK!