DEBBY'S POV
Almost every time Dora and I have to interact, it ends in a near argument, first she denies telling people what to expect about me, who else would say anything? Why else would that pretty way out of my league boy say 'I wasn't what he was expecting' of course somebody has to have shared expectations.
Last night, I confronted Dora about making people have expectations I didn't live up to about me cause that's actually how Ezra made it seem, she didn't even say much and literally bolted to her room when I told her it was what Ezra said. I really don't get why but I think I've had enough moping around, my mum would be livid, so I'm going to try to have fun this summer, be a different person.
I stayed up all night thinking and it hit me how I've never lived, not even for a day have I truly lived and it was all my mum wanted me to do; she certainly would have loved Dora, I really can't keep letting the fact that I'm overweight rule me out from having fun, having friends even if they are overweight too, from having a first kiss, first date, loosing my virginity, going to parties, I don't think I'm a sin but after all that torturous time at Belmonth high, I definitely felt like a sin.
I couldn't loose weight no matter how I tried so I didn't stop getting bullied even if I wanted it to stop more than anything, it eventually got silent after the suicide attempt but even the silence hurt. Seeing how mum just passed, it has changed me, I don't think I want to just lay low and die too. So, in that moment while staring at my ceiling, thoughts swarming through my head I decided to be the Debby I've never been in my life this summer, the Debby my mum always wanted me to be. It really helps that this is a new space for me, new people, I have mostly forgotten anyone who isn't new so new people, places, faces, reactions. This summer I'll be in charge; that was the last thought in my head before I drifted off to sleep.

By morning, my energy felt so different, I feel less anxious, not on edge, confident like how my mum would be when she's faking that her terminal illness was non-existent. Enough about my poor mother, one day I'll forgive her for hiding so much away, I say to myself in my head as I make my way down the stairs to have breakfast.
"Good morning dad" I greet as I join David at the table, "oh wow, you're up and down here this early, what miracle do I have to appreciate for happening?" Dad asks smiling and I laugh at his attempt to be funny, I usually stay in late so he must be surprised "let's just say I woke on the right side today" I say as I take my seat and grab a bowl to make cereal. "Well I like that, you should wake up on the right side more often" he replied with a warm smile and I smile in response.
"Um, so dad I've been thinking, I want to get a summer job, do you have any suggestions?" I ask and David visibly almost chokes on his tea as he looks at me eyes wide. After swallowing dramatically, he answers "this right side of the bed you woke up on must be very right, I mean first you're down early and then you want a job, must be a dream" "dad, I'm actually serious, I've been cooped up inside for such a while, I need something to get me out, take my mind off" I explain "okay that doesn't sound like a bad idea but why do you need a job, it's summer you could hang with Dora and her friends" he suggests "I haven't even met Dora's friends so that's not an option, speaking of which, where is she?" I inquire.
"Most likely asleep" "okay so yes dad, a job" I say bringing his mind back to the job situation "I am trying to understand it Debby, you don't need a job, you have enough money" he says with a somewhat puzzled look, yes I have money, it's common knowledge Mum left a lot but I need to be busy, something to help me get by around here "I just need something to do regularly, a routine I can fall in to for the summer" I say "oh okay then, if you insist, how about a job at this private beach not far from here, just say 10minutes drive, a friend of mine owns it, he lets it out all through the summer to the towns people for parties and other events, that should work" he explains "yes yes perfect" a job on the beach is just the best way to get out of my shell "alright then Let me put a call through and maybe you could show up there today?" He asks and I don't even need to be asked twice as I nod in confirmation.

I'm suddenly excited about this new phase I'm about to experience. Dad excuses himself to make the call I suppose and as if on cue Dora walks in, I didn't even hear her come in, "wow you're here before me and looking like all is right with the world" she remarks "good morning to you too twin" I say, she just shrugs and grabs a bowl just like I did when I joined dad. "Okay Debby, you got the job as long as you show up in an hour or less" Dad announces "oh hi sweetheart" he greets Dora with a kiss to her head, the sight makes my chest clench, to think I missed out on having a dad for 11 years.
"What job?" Dora asks "your sister here is bored and wants to get a job so she wouldn't have to be here alone all day" Dad explains giving Dora the stink eye that says 'maybe it would be different if you'd shown her around' I nervously wait for Dora's reaction but she surprises me instead when she says "oh cool, why don't you come with me to this party my friends and I are planning, it's going to be the best party of the summer" she says ignoring dad's stink eye and I'm stupefied for a moment, I thought we were at war "come with you?" I ask "well not with me, with me but you're invited, I'll give you a ticket later" she says and casually goes back to focusing on her cereal and her phone. Not weird at all.

I'm getting ready for my new job, well the job isn't mine yet but dear lord knows I'm gonna get it, finally some legit place to be asides here "hey Fifi, good girl, want to come to my first day with me?" Fifi barks like she is totally game so I get her ready too, nothing much just a jacket and we're all good to go, dad left already, Dora would certainly leave soon so I take the house keys dad gave me. Not wanting to just leave like a ghost even if that's what Dora would do I shout "I'm leaving!" "Okay!" Dora shouts back, grabbing a car key cause there's no way I'm walking there, I don't even think I know the way. I get in the car, turn on my google map, music blaring, Fifi settled in the passenger seat, I drive.
I feel weirdly refreshed today, maybe it's the prospects of the new job, maybe it's because I told David about wanting the job today and he didn't waste any time at all he found me one or maybe it's my resolve to have a good summer, I don't know what it is but I'm glad, I love how the wind blows through my hair, it just adds to this extra good feeling I'm getting.
Driving to this beach made me remember home, I never drove at home, although I did learn, mum taught me herself, it was one of the things I loved about mum, she always made time for me, always. 'May her soul Rest In Peace' I thought sadly as the google map announced "your destination is on the right" I could see that I arrived already. Wiping the tears I didn't feel fall, I reminded myself, mum would want this. Getting out of the car and rounding over to take Fifi "here girl, let's go" I picked the small dog up and made my way into what looks like the administrative building, not so big but it stood out.

Taking Fifi in with me, I drop her and holding her by her leash, firmly cause I since learnt my lesson, I stop at a table with a lady behind, she seems like a secretary "hi good morning" I greet, she looks up at me and looks back down at the papers she's shuffling like she didn't just hear me, being ignored only heightens my anxiety, taking a deep breath I decided to just talk "hello, I'm Deborah Chanria, I was asked to come here for an interview, David Chanria, my father called earlier, some 30 minutes ago, can I get started on the process or am I in the wrong place....?" In that moment, a huge man around the age of my dad walks out from somewhere inside the building "wrong place? Deborah Chanria you say? David's second twin, you're in the right place" the front desk lady appears startled that this man is talking to me and apologizes immediately "oh Deborah I'm sorry, I was just so busy sorting these, I didn't want to get distracted so I couldn't respond, welcome to Water Way private beach" now she sounded like I did when I was rambling, I could tell she was only being extra for the benefit of the huge man, who by the way said to call him Rob, "follow me Deborah" I walked behind Mr. Rob into another office.

From the outside, the admin building looked small, I didn't know it was this wide and spacious on the inside, there was a lounge where people could wait, I was immediately impressed not like anyone cared what my impression is. "Take a seat Deborah" Rob said "oh you can call me Debby" "everyone calls me Debby" I reply as I sit "alright then Debby, David tells me you want a summer job?" He inquired "that's correct sir" clearing his throat as if to say call me Rob instead, I get the hint and rephrase "that's correct Rob" "what role do you want to fill in?" He asks "Um any role I'm capable of doing, I have nothing particular in mind" I say "okay then I'll make you assistant manager, you'll also be in charge of lost and found which means every evening and morning, before you leave and before people come to the beach, you'll go around, pick left items and valuables, record them and wait till their owners come to claim them, is that okay?"
Rob gives me a whole job description and I don't mind the role at all "yes Rob, sounds good" "any questions?" He asks "as assistant manager, what do I get to do? And who's head manager?" "Oh yes important question, you're a smart one" he compliments and I smile back "as assistant manager, you have to make sure you and the head manager are the last people to leave the beach asides the security of course, even Mandy at the front desk can leave before you two, also take note of the trades on the beach, basically monitor the beach market, each vendor should report here before closing and before opening so when they do you have to note who comes and who goes, everything else the head manager handles like assignment of lifeguard duties, beach patrol, property maintenance and a couple of other things" everything sounds good to me I think "so satisfied?" He asks "yes Rob, when do I start?" "And oh what's the pay?" I reply "you start today, right now as soon as you leave this office, I'll hardly be here, now that I have you and Ezra, I'll be looking after my other business dealings mostly outside of town, so this place is in your hands, this would be you and Ezra's office, there's your desk over there and this is Ezra's. You'll get your paycheck at the end of every week for the rest of the summer, a measly $500 and that's all for the questions, I hope" but it wasn't all, did he just say Ezra, the same one I met the day I was strolling, at the mention of Ezra, I remember I left Fifi out at the front desk, I hope Mandy doesn't kill her, I don't ask anymore questions and just thank Rob, he directs me to see Mandy who seems like a nicer person now.

"Hey girl, sorry I left you here" I coo to Fifi who doesn't seem like she minded my absence, she found her old friend, Ezra's dog, oh shit it was that Ezra Rob spoke about, my heart thumps loudly in my chest, I don't see him anywhere so I convince myself he isn't so close at the moment and I focus on Mandy since Fifi is okay by herself. "Hey, Mandy, we got off wrong" I say and she interrupts "oh not really, it was all me" she accepts to my surprise "sorry about that" she says "it's fine, thank you, so Rob said to meet you for my staff tag and T-shirt" I say "oh yes you're the new assistant manger, that's great, I hope you can keep up, Ezra is a handful" Mandy says "the last assistant couldn't survive" "what does that even mean?" I laugh as I ask, Mandy simply says "don't worry dear you'll see" as she shuffles by the printer and grabs a shirt from a cabinet above her head and hands it to me "you can change in there and when you're done, come for your tag, welcome to the team" she says smiling and I smile back then follow in the direction she pointed and make my way to what seems like a bathroom/toilet stall.

I don't see anybody around so I don't go into one of the toilets and I really thought this was only for females and maybe on the opposite side of the building, there was one just like this for the males, so standing in the middle of the stall, I take off my shirt leaving my upper body in just a white and black floral designed bra, mum loved lingerie and so did I, this lacy beauty was one of our personal faves, mum and I of course, taking my shirt through my head, my skin prickled with the weird tingly feeling that someone was staring but I figured nobody could be here except another girl and since I didn't hear any sounds I don't panic until the shirt passes through my head and my momentary blindfold is off, I scream Bloody Mary and grab my shirt to cover my cleavage and stomach rolls.

Holy shit, Ezra just saw my boobs and my flabby fat Fupa, dear Lord and he was still staring that heated stare of his that I didn't know what he meant but soon enough I was visibly shaking with rage and humiliation, I felt violated and he didn't look like he knew he did something wrong "what is wrong with you?" I ask shouting loud enough for Mandy to hear from the front desk "what are you even doing here?" "It's the girls' bathroom you pervert, what sort of animal are you?" I couldn't stop myself from hurling screams and insults; at the mention of girls' bathroom, his stoic face breaks into a comic smile and he starts moving, edging towards me, I feel so humiliated as I edge back, what is this boy playing at.

My eyes filled with tears, what was his problem, he should apologize and leave, shame filled my chest "girls' bathroom you say?" What did he mean? I keep moving away and he keeps coming, God what was happening, I didn't feel safe at all, in that moment, I was transported back to Belmonth and all the horrible things I endured there, trapped in a girls only bathroom with at least 20 girls laughing and taking pictures of me, I couldn't see anymore, tears blinded me and I was back there and struggling to breathe, my back touched the cold wall and I slid to the floor, hyperventilating like I was going out of air, I really was, it was a full on panic attack in front of Ezra, I was lost to that world of bullies.
"Breathe, breathe, I'm not going to hurt you Deborah  breathe, try to copy my actions, yes focus on breathing, nobody can hurt you now, look at me...." Ezra's voiced coaxed me out of my trapped mind, tears streamed down my face, this was why I stayed home so much, I didn't want anything to trigger those awful memories but this idiot managed to, remembering my state of nudity I fumbled for my shirt to cover my chest, my shirt was up against me already but I was too close to Ezra, he was literally holding me to his body, rubbing soothing circles on my back, when he crossed the distance between us to hold me, I didn't even know. "That's it, calm down" he cooed.
Nobody but medics and my mom ever helped me out of a panic attack but this boy who I'd only seen once before now eased me out of one that he conveniently caused. I scoot away from him confident I felt okay enough, he allowed me to move and said "I'm really sorry Debby, I didn't mean to scare you, this bathroom is unisex and I came to change and when I saw you changing, it stopped me in my tracks, I had no idea that the action made you feel so uncomfortable, I'll never hurt you" he apologized and was very sincere "please leave" I say quietly and he did leave.

Relief floods through me, glad to be alone again, I feel hot anger at Mandy, why didn't she say anything specific about the bathrooms, I don't know how long I had been in that state, forcing myself up, l lean against a sink looking at my tear streaked face in the mirror "you got this Debby, one attack can't hold you down" I affirm myself, splash water on my face, wear the work shirt, pack my hair in a bun not to look so miserable like I actually feel, I step out of the stall, taking a deep breath I walk to the front desk absolutely ignoring Ezra who's sitting close to Mandy's desk "Mandy why didn't you say the rest room was unisex, I thought it was only for females, imagine my shock when I was taking off my shirt and Ezra walks in" I ask Mandy sternly "oh my bad, I'm sorry I thought you'd see the sign at the entrance" she replies "what sign?" And Ezra butts in "there's a sign on the outside that shows the stall is for both genders" flabbergasted I walk back to the bathroom and surely there's a sign "I had no idea and didn't see it" I say calmly when I make my way back "sorry Mandy" I apologize, I pick fifi from where she's been playing with Ezra's dog and I walk away, away from the building to where my car is parked.

Unlocking the car door, I slide into the drivers seat and I cry, my body shakes with my sobs. Fifi whines sadly, she could tell I was hurt and she just sits in one place and Let's me cry. I've got to be stronger if I want this summer to go fine. Ezra only saw me in my bra, it's like seeing girls in their bikini and apparently that's what he does for a living.
The beach is sort of rowdy, not too much but just enough, I'll have to suck up my emotions and be a big girl at least for the summer. I just showed Ezra a part of me I pray I show no one else in this town. "I'm going to be alright, right Fifi?" I ask my dog and she barks in response making me laugh "do you even understand a word I say?" I ask again and this cutie barks again and I laugh even more, somehow I feel better, I say a silent prayer to God and ask my mom to watch me.
I'm starting this day all over like Ezra didn't happen, I brush my hair back, checking that my ponytail is neat, clean my face, reapply lipgloss and I pick Fifi and make my way back, walking into the building, this time smiling and with my employee t-shirt, I reach Mandy's desk "hey Mandy, can I have my employee tag?" She looks up amused by my approach surely and she hands me my tag "thanks" I say "you don't mind showing around just so I could get a hang of everything?" I ask "no problem, let's go" she says smiling

"Don't worry, I'll show her" Ezra says, of course he's still here, I almost forgot, rubbing Fifi's ears with one hand and propping her up against me with the other hand, leaving no room for questions I say "oh no thank you Ezra, go about your own business, Mandy will show me around" and he sits back down as Mandy makes her way round her desk to come to me. 'I have to make this summer worth it' I say in my head.

         *         *         *         *         *         *          *          * 
A/N: Hi guys😭❤️ it's been so hard keeping up and updating, many other things to do in the real world but I'm so determined to make sure I finish this book, no more half works that I never get to tell the full story, so please don't stop reading LMFM, I promise you'll love it if you don't love it already😌🤞🏽
.
.
It's Mothering Sunday today so Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers in the world, with children or without, you're doing a great job by being amazing❤️ you can still turn a new leaf if you haven't been great😅 there's always time.
.
.
What do you guys think of  Debby's panic attack and what about Ezra? What was that right? But he did help her calm down so maybe he isn't such a bad guy right?
The next chapter reveals something else about Ezra...hope you make it there😮‍💨
Thanks for sticking with LMFM (Loving Me For Me) don't stop and please vote🗳 and comment your opinion, hearing what you think would be amazing👍
See you in chapter 6
Ciao🥰