Aa'yat's POV

A hand slapt me slighlty on my shoulder as I opened my eyes in wake.
It is time for Asr, go and perform Ablution. Husseinah said out.

I yawned loudly before it dawned fully on me. It was all a dream. Ya Allah, the thing with Junaid at the front of Ribadu and confessing his feelings to me was all a dream.
I had told Junaid everything that happened the day I found out from my mum.

I let out faint sob which made Hassanah to stare at me in query. What happened? She asked.

Nothing, I just had a weird dream. I answered.

This hot afternoon. Husseinah mocked as they all laughed at me.

It was something nice though. I smiled as I raised my head to look at inayat, who seemed to be paying attention to her phone.

I stood up to where she laid and peeped a look. What are you reading?
I queried.

Hey sis, you are awake huh??? She said out before answering me. It is an article on repentance they shared on a group. She smiled.

I see, looks nice. Forward it to me please. I said as I turned to leave.

Okay I would right now. She answered plainly.

A ding on my phone and it was a text message from Habiba.

"I am still waiting for you miss."  It read.

I guess the part of habiba arriving back wasnt a dream afterall. I smiled out as I went to perform my ablution.

After praying Asr, I laid on my bed as I scrolled through my whatsapp in view of messages.
I thought of asking Junaid why he wasnt in any of the classes today.

Why werent you in class today?? - Me

Luckily, he came online almost immediately and he replied.

I went to the Market with Mansur. #Groceries shopping# - Better Half.

Okay then, I missed you. - Me

😪🙄🙄Malama, talk to you later In sha Allah. He replied back as he went offline almost immediately.

He sure doesnt love me, I am so sure of that. My heart somehow ached. But I wont give up. I assured myself.

I would head to Habiba's place later in the day towards Magrib time so we can catch up on things and I can finally tell her all I have in mind about her behaviors.
Someone needs to talk to her and she needs to heed.

I opened the article Inayat had sent to me earlier as I read;

   Bismilahi Rahmahni Raheem
Praise be to God the creator of the world, the one who exists without begining, without end, without location, without a "how" and who does not depend on time. Nothing resembles Him in anyway and he hears and sees everything without organs.

Whatever you imagine, God is different from that. May the elevation in degree and preservation of his community of what he fears for it, be granted to our Master Muhammad Al-Amin, the Honest one, who called for following Islam, the religion of truth, the religion of all the prophets: of the first, Adam to the last muhammad.

The term tawbah (Arabic for repentance) is an Arabic Quranic term which means "a retreat" or "a return"......
In Surah 66, verse 8, the term tawbah is associated with Arabic adjective nasuh (Arabic for 'pure and sincere').

Thus, it signifies sincere and faithful repentance, which is free from pretense and hypocrisy.

Tawba is Islamic concept of repenting to God due to performing any sins and misdeeds. It is a direct matter between a person and God, so there is no intercession.
There is no original sin in Islam. It is the act of leaving what God has prohibited and returning to what he has commanded.

Dear Muslims, know that in Islam, the sin leaves a trace in the heart of the doer as was narrated in the books of Hadith. The prophet (sallahlahu Alaiyhi wasalam), told us that this sin would leave a black dot on his heart.

If one repents from that sin then his heart would be cleanses from it, however, if one commits more sins, then this black dot would expand until it covers all his heart. This is what is meant in Ayah 14 of suratul Mutaffifin.

كَلَّا ۖ بَلْ ۜ رَانَ عَلَىٰ قُلُوبِهِم مَّا كَانُوا۟ يَكْسِبُونَ

Kalla bal rana AAala quloobihim ma kanoo yaksiboona

(By no means! but on their hearts is the stain of the (ill) which they do!)

So dear Muslims, do not stay away from repentance even if the sin is commited time after another, because the sincere repentance from a sin clears the heart from it.

We do not say that the repentance of one who commits a sin after having been repented of it is not accepted.

At-Tirmidhiyy narrated the Hadith that the prophet sallalahu Alaiyhi wa sallam said: "The majority of the children of Adam would commit sins, and the lucky ones are the ones who repent from these sins after committing them."

Brothers and sisters, prepare yourself for the Day of Judgement, the Day in which the mountains will turn into dust and the oceans will be lit in a blaze and dry out.

Remember that Great day, the day when no soul shall be able to benefit another in the least (with the exception of the intercession that will take place by the will of Allah), and the entire matter, that Day, will be with Allah.

On the other hand, do not despair of Allah's mercy, even though your sins are numerous. Allah said;

قُلْ يَٰعِبَادِىَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا۟ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا۟ مِن رَّحْمَةِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلْغَفُورُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ

Qul ya AAibadiya allatheena asrafoo AAala anfusihim la taqnatoo min rahmati Allahi inna Allaha yaghfiru alththunooba jameeAAan innahu huwa alghafooru alrraheemu

(Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their sosayuls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.)
[Az Zumar verse 53]

So do not say Allah will not forgive my sins and will definitely torture me in the Hereafter because of the enormity of my sins. Beliving such is forbidden. How would you know what Allah willed for you on Judgement Day??
How would you ascertain that Allah will definitely torture you? The torture of Allah is so severe, however, Allah is also the most forgiving and most merciful.

    This, however does not mean that you consistently commit the sins relying on the mercy of Allah without seeking repentance.

On the other hand, one must not despair of the mercy of Allah and claim that Allah will definitely punish him for his sins. This is also sinful.

    My fellow Muslims, in order for one to be safe from these two sins, one has to be between these two extremes. When one commits a sin, one must be fearful of the punishment of Allah and at the same time be hopeful of his mercy.

  Dear brothers and sisters in Islam, one must repent immediately from a sin whether major or minor. Do not look at sin as being minor and not repent from it.
One must repent because he is disobeying Allah.

Therefore, one must not look at how small or enormous the sin is, rather, one should think about whom he is disobeying. So, rush into repenting from both major and minor sins by having the intention of not committing them again and having remorse for not obeying Allah, the one who created you and bestowed upon you the countless endowment.

   Repent and have in your hearts the firm determination of not returning to those sins before you are taken away by death.
Allah said;

يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ تُوبُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ تَوْبَةً نَّصُوحًا عَسَىٰ رَبُّكُمْ أَن يُكَفِّرَ عَنكُمْ سَيِّـَٔاتِكُمْ وَيُدْخِلَكُمْ جَنَّٰتٍ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَٰرُ يَوْمَ لَا يُخْزِى ٱللَّهُ ٱلنَّبِىَّ وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ مَعَهُۥ ۖ نُورُهُمْ يَسْعَىٰ بَيْنَ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَبِأَيْمَٰنِهِمْ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَآ أَتْمِمْ لَنَا نُورَنَا وَٱغْفِرْ لَنَآ ۖ إِنَّكَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍ قَدِيرٌ

Ya ayyuha allatheena amanoo tooboo ila Allahi tawbatan nasoohan AAasa rabbukum an yukaffira AAankum sayyiatikum wayudkhilakum jannatin tajree min tahtiha alanharu yawma la yukhzee Allahu alnnabiyya waallatheena amanoo maAAahu nooruhum yasAAa bayna aydeehim wabiaymanihim yaqooloona rabbana atmim lana noorana waighfir lana innaka AAala kulli shayin qadeerun

O ye who believe! Turn to Allah with sincere repentance: In the hope that your Lord will remove from you your ills and admit you to Gardens beneath which Rivers flow,- the Day that Allah will not permit to be humiliated the Prophet and those who believe with him. Their Light will run forward before them and by their right hands, while they say, "Our Lord! Perfect our Light for us, and grant us Forgiveness: for Thou hast power over all things."

[Ayah 8 of surat At-Tahrim]

If one's sin was by leaving an obligation, then one must make up that obligation in order for one's repentance to be accepted. Likewise, if one's sin was that of depriving a person from his rights, one must give that person his rights in order for his repentance to be accepted.

If a muslim brother holds any form of grievance against you for instance, if you had sworn at him or taken his money unjustly, then you should liberate yourself from these sins today because the situation of the day of judgement is intense, it is a day when the person flees from his brother, father, mother, partner and children.

   If one owes a right to a person and dies before handling the rights without a valid religious excuse, then the oppressed bakes from the good of the oppressor on the day of judgement, and if the deeds taken are not enough, then the evil deeds of the oppressed are taken and given to the oppressor, consequently the oppressor is then thrown into Hellfire.

So dear Muslims, repent to Allah before death. Repent because death unveils your secrets, The day of judgement reveals your actions, and torture collapses your covers.

The prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said;
(At-taibu Mina dh-shanbi kaman la dhanba lah)
Which means, "The person who repents of a sin, it is as if he didnt commit it.
[Narratrd ny Ibnu Majah]

The complete repentance (tawbah nasuh) is much better, i.e one will not do the sin which he repented of again.

Repentance is regretting, refraining, and intending not to commit the sin after that. If the sin was leaving out am obligation one makes it up and if it involved neglecting a right to a human, one satisfies it or seeks the person's pardon.

It was reported by Ibn 'umar that Allah's messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said; "O people, seek repentance from Allah. Verily, I seek repentance from him a hundred times a day."
[Muslim]

One narrated by Anas Ibn Malik in sahih Al-Bukhari which reads what may mean;
     "Allah is more pleased with the repentance of his slave than anyone of you is pleased with finding his camel which he had lost in the desert."
[Al-Bukhari]

Sometimes, however, one may become ashamed of himself as he cannot keep his word with Allah amd returns to the state of sinning after declaring his repentance. To understand this, let us go through the following conversation as quoted by Ibn Rajab Al-Hanbali.

It was said to Al-Hassan, the prophet's grandson, "isnt the servant of Allah ashamed of sinning and repenting, and then sinning again and then repenting???

Al-Hassan said; "This is what satan exactly wants! So never stop repenting.

In the same vein, Ibn Qayyim Al- jawziyyah is reported to have said to me: "when I repent to Allah and perform righteous actions, My sustenance is strained and difficulty comes upon my livelihood.

However, "when I return to disobeying and give my soul its desires, then sustenance, relief and other than it comes to me."

So I replied to some of them;
"This is a test from Him to see whether you are truthful or untruthful in your seeking refuge with Him, responding and submitting to him in obedience and excercising patience upon that he has decreed of afflictions for you with absolute justice and wisdom, so that there are good end results for you, or whether you are untruthful so that you return to what you were upon of evil".

However, do not ever hesistate to return to Allah in repentance no matter how grievous and numerous the sins you have committed were.

The one who screened you while you were sinning, would never disgrace you when you return to Him!.

Try to feel the passion in Jalal Ad-Deen Rumi's two peotic verses in which he says,

"Come even though you have broken your vows a thousand times,

"Come, and come yet again. Ours is not a caravan of despair"

Yes, indeed, a faithful servant of Allah should never fall into despair over his failure to abide by Allah's ordinances and orders.

Rather, he should strive to be the one he wishes himself to be; the one who is to gain the love and pleasure of Allah, the All-merciful and All-forgiving.

   FIVE CONDITIONS OF REPENTANCE

But, what does it mean to return to Allah in repentance??

What does it mean to ask for his forgiveness?
Is it to just articulate the expression,
"O lord! Forgive me!" Or "I seek forgiveness from Allah!" ????

To repent means to return to Allah and intend to obey him for the rest of one's life.

For repentance to be valid and thus, accepted, five preconditions have to be observed.
These are;
1. To be sincere to Allah.
2. To regret one's past evil deeds.
3. To give up sinning.
4. To make a firm resolve of avoiding such sins in the future.
5. To show repentance while it is still valid.

Allah says;
[But there is no repentance for those who continue to do great sins until when death approaches. Nor is there repentance for those who die while they are disbelievers. For such as these, we have made ready a most painful torment.]
[An-Nisa' 4:18].

If you are an offender without repentance, and all your activities are going on smoothly for you, then you should be really scared. Why because maybe Allah Subhanahu watahala is giving you this Duniya (world) in place of your Akhira (Hereafter).
Subhanallah!!😪

I wanted giving up at a time while I was reading the article, but something just encourged me to keep reading on. This is the longest Islamic article I have read so far.
I always found them boring. Astagfirullah😭

I forwarded it to Habiba immediately I was done because I wanted her to know how much Allah loves us. The door to repentance is always open until when death comes knocking.

Just like I repented, I really want her to repent too.

With this, I hurried to her room as it was almost time for Magrib.
We chatted and I mainly explained the article to her in private, somewhere around the corridor to her room.

She paid close attention to me as if she was really getting it all, but to my utmost surprise, she said out the words;
"Thank God, since it is like that, I have the whole of today to sin that is. I would repent tomorrow Aa'yat, come back tomorrow and lecture me again" she laughed out.

You finally allowed your rommates to brainwash you huh?? She hissed as her laughter increased.

I shook my head as I muttered
"Ya Allah, please forgive her for she doesnt know what she is doing".

I baded her bye as it was time for Magrib and I was dissapointed by her reaction.
In sha Allah tomorrow, I would be here again till you listen to me. I stated as I turned to leave.

She just kept laughing as I walked away.
Bye bestie! She waved as she went back in.

__________________________________________

The next mornig after fajr prayer, at around 6:30 in the morning, a loud knock jerked us all up from our various activities.

I would get it. Inayat volunteered.

On opening the door, the ladies said all out;
Please where is Aa'yat?? One of them asked.

I am right here. I answered in surprise.
Hope there is nothing wrong?? I added as I came down from my bunk.

I quickly recognized them as Habiba's Rommates.
I directed my question to the one at the front;
What is wrong Aisha?? I queried.

You need to come and see for yourself Aa'yat, we went to the masjid for prayers and all and when we came back, Habiba was already dead. She commited suicide!!! She said all out.

What???
"Innalilahi wahina Ilahi Rajihun" I called out in tears as I took my hijab without hesitation and dashed towards her room.

Officially, this is the longest chapter so far.
I know you were bored because it took long, but please bear with me okay. It just had to be this long😪💕💕.
Shukran❤️❤️💕

Yhu_so_shy