"How pissed is your family?" I asked Anushka as she and I sat opposite each other outside of Angel's Pizzeria.

"I don't give a rat's ass." She munched on some bread with a shrug. "They're talking. What else is new?"

Everyone was talking. That was all they could focus on. Gabriel confessing his love to me at my own ring ceremony. I thought that shit only happened in the movies. Let's just say the guests would never forget last night.

"Do you really not care what your family thinks?" My food was long forgotten.

Anushka took her time to answer as she sat up straight. "If I didn't care, I wouldn't be marrying you."

"How so?"

She smirked. "Gyan Gupta. You're gay. Even if you weren't, I still wouldn't want to marry you."

I leaned back in my chair with my arms crossed. "Thanks."

"It's nothing personal," she said. "I don't think I want to marry anyone. No matter how good the dick is."

I chuckled. "Elaborate."

"You should be concerned about your little curly-haired friend." She put a mushroom in her mouth from her spaghetti. "Not my disinterest in marriage or relationships as a whole."

         Gabriel. All I could think about was him, and it had only happened yesterday. I hadn't seen him since he left my ceremony. When I returned to the apartment, he wasn't there, and when I woke up this morning, he was gone, probably left for work. I couldn't even find it in me to text him, not after last night.

This wasn't it. Gabriel and I couldn't end like this. It was a speed bump in the road. We would get through it, like we always did. He just needed some space, then we would talk, and we would be okay.

He always came back to me.

I sighed, leaning towards her. "I wanna think about something else."

"Like how we both don't have the balls to go after what we really want?" she said with a sly smile. "At least, you were born with balls to begin with, but you still found a way to lose them."

I playfully glared at her. "You think you're cute."

She lightly smacked my arm. "I'm messing with you. I'm not judging you. I get it. I really do. We all have roles to play."

"Why are you marrying"—I lowered my voice—"a gay man when you could wait it out and find someone else?" I asked her. "I know you've never been in love or anything, but maybe you just haven't found the right person yet."

Anushka was an enigma. When I first met her, I thought I had her all figured out. The poised, spoiled rich girl who didn't say much, choosing to just smile instead. Then she opened her mouth, shocking me with the things that came out of it. Her parents didn't know the Anushka I saw. The sexually liberated girl who loved going to raves, drinking, and having the mouth of a sailor. I thought I was putting up a façade, but Anushka had me beat. Then again, she didn't seem very close to her parents. It was easier to wear a mask around someone who wasn't around often.

Anushka didn't seem affected by my words. "You have a partner. A cutie, too, but here you are still engaged to me."

My father would never accept me marrying a man. Before, that was all it took for me to throw the towel in and give him what he wanted. The beautiful daughter-in-law. The precious grandchildren. Me passing on the Gupta name. That was all that mattered. Not anymore. The zeal I felt at my party wasn't there anymore, but something else was.

Hope.

"I'm working it out," I said. "I don't want this. I never did."

A thoughtful look crossed Anushka's face. "I don't either," she confessed. "So many girls dream about their wedding. Their Prince Charming. Their own epic love story. I've always wanted the kids." She snorted. "I know right. Me? A mother? But I'm open to that." She seemed lost in her thoughts. I'd never seen Anushka look so serious. "It's just the rest that I'm not sure about."

"You don't want a wedding?" She had my complete attention. "Your own love story and Prince Charming?"

She glanced at me with an undecipherable expression. "I don't really think about it," she said. "I'm not repulsed by the idea, but I don't really want it either. Even growing up, so many girls wanted boyfriends, but not me. I wanted sex, though."

"That's normal."

At least, it was for me. Maybe I wasn't the best person to ask.

"I love sex," Anushka went on. "Fucking is one of my favorite things. It's everything else that just doesn't do it for me. Every time I've tried to get into a relationship with a guy, it'll fall apart. They usually sensed my lack of interest, and if the poor sucker stayed, I usually cheated."

"Commitment issues?"

She shook her head. "I'm a loyal bitch." I rose a brow, not buying that shit. "Not in relationships, though. Everything else—friendships, family—if I got your back, I got your back."

"You can commit to everything but relationships," I concluded.

She nodded. "The way I feel about romantic relationships is similar to the way I feel about anal sex."

My eyes went round. "Really? Go on."

"I've had anal sex," Anushka explained. "I don't dislike it, but I don't really like it either. I don't really care for it. If I never have anal sex ever again, it won't be much of a loss."

"That's how you feel about relationships?"

"Romantic relationships," she clarified. "I don't understand why people are so obsessed with romantic love. I don't fully understand it, in all honesty."

"That's how some asexual people feel about sexual attraction," I said. "Then again, the way you feel about anal sex is how some asexual people feel about sex, overall."

"But I'm not asexual."

"Ever heard of romantic orientation?" I asked. "It doesn't always align with sexual orientation."

Arya was a perfect example. She was technically bisexual but homoromantic. Anushka was heterosexual, but that didn't mean she was heteroromantic.

Anushka nodded. "After you brought up me potentially being aromantic, I looked it up."

I studied her. "What do you think?"

She twisted her lips to the side in thought. "People don't talk about it. People can wrap their heads around someone being gay, but someone who doesn't want to be with anyone? And being content with that? Not so much."

"So, you choose to marry a gay man."

"I don't know." She stared at her food. "It doesn't make sense. How can I want kids without the husband? If I never got married, people will feel bad for me."

"Will you feel bad for yourself?"

She glanced up at me. "Will you feel bad if you didn't marry a woman?"

"No."

"There's my answer."

"That's all that should matter," I said, but I knew better.

We all had roles to play. Not everyone could go off script.

She forced a smirk, her body visibly relaxing as the old Anushka came back. "Must be nice to be normal. I wonder what it's like for other girls. Being boy crazy. Planning your wedding since middle school. Only having sex in a loving, committed relationship. Only having kids with a life partner. I wonder what it's like for people like that?" She eyed me. "I bet you wonder what life would be like if you were straight."

"I do," I admitted. "It'll be easier."

I would be the perfect son. I probably wouldn't have had to agree to the marriage with Anushka. I could have been in love with another girl. I would marry on my own and have some kids with the Gupta name.

        At the same time, I would be a different person. I wouldn't see the world the way I did now. I wouldn't question things in the same way. I probably wouldn't have the same empathy and awareness. I wouldn't have the same fight in me.

Life would have been easier as a straight man. But that wasn't me. The world wasn't made for people like me, but that didn't mean we didn't deserve to live in it. That didn't mean we were any less worthy.

"People don't have to understand," I told Anushka. "They don't have to understand why you don't want to marry anyone or how you can be happy being single at sixty or older—never getting married. You don't have to sacrifice your happiness and your truth for their comfort."

"Even if that person's your father?" she asked.

I looked to the side, thinking it over. "Even if that person's your father."

We continued lunch, and I finished my meal, but the best part of it was spending time with Anushka. That was one of the positive aspects of this arrangement—me getting the opportunity to meet and know Anushka. We could never love each other the way our parents wanted us to, but we got each other. She made the situation a little better.

When we went our separate ways, I received a call from my father as soon as I entered the Sequoia. "Papa," I answered.

"Gyan," he said, "everything will be okay. I have the situation under control. People are talking, but it'll die down soon."

"You're talking about Gabriel."

"The audacity of that boy," he said with the contempt clear in his voice. "Of all places—your ring ceremony. I always knew there was something off about him. Disgraceful boy."

"He's not a boy," I made sure to say. "He's a man."

"What man bends over for another man?" my father said, and I didn't respond. "What man follows that lifestyle? It's one thing to indulge in his free time but to include my son in it is where he crossed the line."

"He's gay," I said. "So, what?"

"You can't be affiliated with a man like that," my father said. "He's been in your life long enough. From now on, cut ties, and you can't live with him anymore."

"I'll do what I want."

"Gyan..."

"I'm not kicking Gabriel out," I said. "He's staying—in my apartment and in my life."

He didn't even ask if I knew Gabriel was gay before his declaration of love. He wasn't questioning my and Gabriel's relationship. Before, I would have been relieved because it meant I wasn't exposed. It just irritated me now.

"He humiliated you and your family," my father reminded me. "If you continue living with him after what happened, people will talk. We can't keep giving people reasons to talk."

"I don't care," I said, surprisingly being truthful. "People can talk all they want. It's my life, not theirs."

"I never want to see him again," my father said. "Gabriel is no longer welcome in my home. I don't want to have to deal with him when I'm visiting my son." I kept quiet. "This friendship can't work. You can't give him what he wants." My father snorted. "I don't even want to think about it. What an abomination." My grip tightened on the phone as my nostrils flared. "Nothing good can come of you continuing to associate yourself with Gabriel. It's an embarrassment."

"All because he's gay?"

"He made a fool of himself," my father said. "Because of the things he said, people's minds are starting to wander places they shouldn't be wandering. He made us look bad in front of our and Anushka's friends and family. If a woman would have done this, it still would have been unacceptable. Him being a man just makes it vile."

"I have to go." I started my engine, getting settled in.

"Gyan, listen."

"Gabriel isn't your problem," I said as I reversed out of the parking space. "He isn't your son, after all."

"I don't want him in my son's life."

"That's not your call to make," I said. "Gabriel's staying."

"Gyan—"

"Bye, Papa."

I hung up, throwing my phone on the passenger seat. I spent the rest of the day restless. I couldn't read or play chess. Even taking a swim didn't clear my head. The moment Gabriel walked through the front door of the apartment, a wave of relief hit me.

"Hey," I greeted. His expression was stoic as he barely acknowledged me. "Can we talk?"

He walked to the kitchen, and I followed him. "There's not much to talk about," he said while pouring himself some water. "We did enough of that yesterday."

His expression was numb, but his eyes gave it away. "You've been crying a lot."

He brought his water down from his lips as he took me in. "Do you expect anything else?" He put the water down on the counter. "I wish I didn't spend all of last night and a majority of today crying, but I did. We were together for years, and now it's over. So, yes, Gyan. I cried."

I moved around the island to stand beside him. "You don't have to cry." I turned him around to face me. "Gabriel, this doesn't have to be over. A lot happened last night. It makes sense for you to be overwhelmed and do something as impulsive as that. Now, you've had some time to think."

"I have," he said, "and I know I did the right thing. It doesn't feel like it, but I know I did."

"How is this the right thing?" I asked. "You crying? Both of us miserable? Just a little longer, Gabriel. That's it."

We were almost there. He couldn't give up on me now, on us.

He shook his head. "I can't."

I grabbed his arms. "Yes, you can."

"I can't!" He freed himself from my hold, and his eyes softened. "I have nothing left in me."

I stared into his eyes, searching for him to be wrong. I found the truth instead. There was nothing in his eyes.

"This can't be it." I took a step back. "All this didn't happen for things to end like this."

"It should have ended a while ago," Gabriel said. "We can't keep prolonging this. It's gone on long enough."

"But college..."

"College's over."

        No. I shook my head. This wasn't happening right now. I told my father that Gabriel was staying in my life. I stood up for him. He couldn't walk out now.

He grabbed his glass of water and walked past me. "Spend the night with me," I blurted out, and Gabriel stopped in his steps. I turned around, but he kept his back to me. "I don't care if you say it's for the best or that college is over. I want you to look deep within yourself, Gabriel. Are you ready to say goodbye for good?" He was silent. "I want you to come to my room later tonight. If you come, I'll know you're still in this with me. We'll have a long way to go, and it'll be a lot of work, but I'll know you're willing to try. If you don't come..."

I didn't even want to think about it.

I left the rest for him to assume, and Gabriel walked away. I took a shower, one longer than usual, and I got ready for bed. I left my bedroom door open, and the lights were off, but my eyes stayed open. I didn't know if it was the anxiety or stress of the past week, but I couldn't sleep. Hours passed, and I waited. I waited for him to come into my room, wrap his arms around me and tell me he loved me as we waited for sleep together. I made him wait too long, and now, I was the one waiting. I didn't know how long I waited, but it didn't matter.

He never came.