48) The Ceremony
"Gyan," Nila said from across the line, "if there's a time to end this, it's now. The engagement party is literally in an hour."
I groaned, not wanting to be reminded of that. We were having the ring ceremony for me and Anushka today, and I couldn't comprehend how I felt. I wasn't thrilled, but I didn't really feel much of anything either.
"What am I supposed to do?" I asked my sister.
"I don't know," she admitted, "but after this ceremony, it's going to be harder. We're accepting Anushka into our family and making a public commitment."
"So, you want me to call it off literally an hour before?"
She sighed. "I'm just looking out for you. And Gabriel. After this ceremony, if you call it off, it's going to be even more of an embarrassment. Everyone will know about the wedding and the date and all of that. You should have ended this before today even happened."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," I said. "As if there's ever a good time to tell Papa that I'm gay and in a relationship with a man and don't want to go through with an arrangement that will save his ass."
"There will never be a good time, Gyan," Nila agreed. "Honestly, it seems like the more time passes, the worse the timing is. If you're waiting for the right time, it'll never happen. Sometimes, you just have to rip the bandage off."
"Nila..." I paused. "I think I've done it. I've finally gotten myself into such deep shit that I don't know if I can come out."
Very few things bothered me or worried me. I was always that laid-back guy. This was different. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know where to begin.
"You're not a coward," my sister told me. "You're just in a rut." I scoffed. That was one way to put it. "You're stuck, and inaction leads to even more inaction. You just have to get the ball rolling. Once you find that momentum, go with it, and keep going, even if you're scared and you feel like it couldn't have been a worse time."
"There's no right time," I repeated.
"Exactly," she said, "so, just pick a time. Just know that it's best to find that time sooner rather than later. Don't wait for the altar. That'll be a waste of everyone's time and money."
"They're already spending so much money on this party."
We reserved a big banquet hall for the event. Then, there was all the money spent on the gifts the families were supposed to exchange, the catering, the decorations, the attire etc.
"And it's only the beginning," Nila said. "You know how many pre-wedding ceremonies there are. Indian weddings themselves last days. Then, there are post-wedding ceremonies. It's a lot, Gyan."
"This isn't just about me."
It wasn't just about Gabriel either. There was my dad. Anushka's parents. People's time, money and resources. There was more to this situation than I thought.
"It all depends on you," she said, "and that's a lot of pressure, but it's true."
"It'll work out," I said. "It has to." Gabriel came from the hall, and he stood by the island. "Okay, Nila, I have to get ready. I'll see you soon."
"See ya."
We hung up, and I made my way over to Gabriel. "You should probably hop in the shower now," he said with a small smile. "Can't have you late to your own engagement party."
"The fun stuff doesn't happen until later," I said. "We have to go through all the rituals first."
He watched me. "I've never been to an Indian wedding." He glanced down at his hands. "I don't want my first one to be yours."
I lifted his chin so he would look at me. "I'll love for you to go to my Indian wedding. It'll be even better if you were beside me."
"Don't say that."
"I want to be with you, Gabriel." I wrapped my arms around him. "I don't really think much about marriage, but if there's anyone out there for me, it's you. I can't imagine anyone else. Even if Anushka was a man, it'll still be wrong because she isn't you."
His features softened. "This doesn't make me feel better. It's just sad. It's sad to know that sometimes, love isn't enough." I released him. "You can love someone with all your heart but still not make it."
"What's up with all this depressing shit?" I chuckled. "Aren't you the hopeless romantic?"
He shrugged. "I just see things differently now. I'm not as naïve as you think, Gyan."
"Well," I started while taking a step back, "I'm gonna go take a shower. Like you said, I can't be late to my own party."
He nodded, and I made my way to the bathroom. It didn't take me long, and it no time, I stood in my room with my dress shirt on. "Let me help you." Gabriel entered my room, grabbing my tie before walking over to me. "I had to teach myself how to tie a tie."
I watched him as he tied it for me. "I still don't know how to do it." We chuckled. "At least, I can't do it well. I actually had a dad growing up, but it wasn't one of his priorities."
"You and your dad have a very interesting relationship."
That, we did. We loved each other. There was no doubt about it. He did his best to always provide for me. At the same time, so much was missing. My sense of autonomy. My sense of control, even when I tried getting it from every other aspect of my life. Everything he did, he had my best interest in mind, even if it was doing the opposite. He made sure I was set, career-wise, and he got me the best trainers for swimming.
Yet, he never taught me how to tie a tie.
When he was done, he straightened out my shirt. "For a while, I thought Anushka was the problem. She was the one I was intimidated by. The one I was a little angry at. I thought she was standing in the way of us, but that isn't true."
"It's my dad," I said. "I know that now." He didn't say anything, and I grabbed my jacket to put it on. Gabriel was in his suit, too, and he looked amazing. "We look good together."
I kissed him, but he didn't kiss me back. I pulled away, confused. "Are we good together?" he asked.
I arched a brow. "What's wrong with you today?"
"If I did something stupid, would you forgive me?"
I took a step back, examining him. "What're you talking about?"
"If my intentions are good, we'll be okay, right?" he went on.
"Again, what are you talking about?"
He smiled. "Never mind. It's stupid. I know better. I'm not that naïve."
I rubbed his arms. "I always thought I needed time, but I don't. Time isn't the problem. I just need a push." His expression became unreadable. "Something that'll make me crazy enough to think that it's a good time to come out to my dad. That's all I need to do to end this. I just need to say two words. I'm gay. That's it."
Gabriel sent me a sad smile. "It's not that simple."
"I know," I said, "but I need the right moment that will make me think it is."
"You're wrong about one thing." My brows furrowed. "Time is a problem because you're running out of it." He turned around to walk out. "Let's go. We're getting late."
He was already gone, leaving me alone in my room. I didn't want to, but I followed his lead and we were out the door in no time.
The beginning of the ceremony was focused on rituals, like I predicted. We had the tilak ceremony, we got our blessings, our families exchanged gifts, we took pictures and of course, we exchanged rings. I tried staying in the moment, but my mind kept wandering to Gabriel. He was still acting weird, and I didn't know what to do about it. After he visited Arya, it was worse. He was even more into his own thoughts.
When it was time to move to the ballroom for the party portion of the evening, I was elated. My family was there. Anushka's family was there. Even our friends were present, and we played traditional Indian music and modern music. My father wasn't a huge fan of the hip-hop and rap, but it was my evening, so fuck it. We catered from a local Indian restaurant, and Anushka's mother complained about the authenticity, but all the guests didn't seem to mind. Everyone was eating, dancing and enjoying one another's company.
I made it over to Kenji and Darian's table because Gabriel was sitting with them. Arya was with them for the majority of the evening, but she was currently on the dance floor with Priyanka, the two showing off their glamorous saris.
"Hey." I sat besides Gabriel, glancing at the three. "Everyone good?"
Gabriel played with the straw in his water. "Anushka looks beautiful."
I couldn't disagree with that. Her makeup was on point. Her sari was a nice balance of grace and sexiness. If I was straight, I would have been all over her.
I stared at him. "Are you having fun?"
He sent me a blank look. "If you were me, would you be having fun?"
I didn't know what to say to that.
Luckily, Darian spoke up. "I need a drink."
He stood up, and Gabriel did as well. "So do I," he said. "Let's go."
The two walked over to the bar, leaving me and Kenji by ourselves. "Who wouldn't be having fun at their partner's engagement party?" Kenji said with sarcasm leaking from his words.
I ignored him, glancing around the grand banquet hall instead. Everyone was eating, dancing, laughing and having a wonderful time.
Everyone but me and Gabriel.
"I have an announcement to make," my father said, capturing my attention. "Everyone here is aware of the wedding, but we've been a little secretive about the actual date. Well, not anymore." My father grinned, and I turned in my seat to face him. "We'll be sending out official invitations soon, but I'll like everyone to know that the wedding will be taking place May 15th of 2021."
My face dropped, along with what felt like my stomach. My gaze gravitated to Gabriel while everyone clapped, and I couldn't decipher his expression.
May 15?
Gabriel was already back at the table with Darian. "Three months," he said. "Your wedding is in three months."
"Did you know about this?" Darian asked.
I shook my head. "Our parents are planning this, not us. This is news to me, too."
Gabriel frowned. "Do you know anything?"
"I—" I stopped to rub the bridge of my nose. "I need to talk to my dad."
"Gyan!" Gabriel called out, but I was already leaving the table, scanning the room for my father.
When I spotted him talking to the Kumars, I approached the three. "Papa."
"Gyan, I'm busy." He brushed me off. "Go bother your wife-to-be."
The three laughed, but I was anything but amused. "You should have told me about the date before announcing it to everyone."
"Don't worry about anything, Gyan," Anushka's mother said. "We'll handle all of it."
My nostrils flared, me suppressing the urge to scream. "I need to talk to my father," I repeated, in a stern voice.
"Gyan." Gabriel stood beside me. "We have to talk."
"Not now," I said in an exasperated tone. "I'm busy, Gabriel."
"Gyan, what is this?" My father turned to face me while the Kumars walked off. "Enjoy yourself. This is a wonderful occasion."
I didn't miss the frown on Gabriel's face. "Gyan," Gabriel didn't relent. "I need to talk to you." His eyes held something I hadn't seen on Gabriel before. Desperation. "Please."
"Are you speaking to him or me?" my father asked.
My eyes flickered between the two, and I groaned before focusing on Gabriel. "Just give me a second, okay?" His shoulders dropped slightly. "I really need to talk to my dad."
He shook his head with a chuckle. "Where does that usually get you?"
Nowhere.
Before I could rebut his words, he walked away. "Beta." My father turned me to face him. "What is going on with you?"
Gabriel was right. My dad and I always talked, and it never went anywhere. It was the same vicious cycle of him hearing me but not listening. Me resisting but eventually giving in. We were always back to the same place we started. Me miserable and my father getting what he wanted. Talking wasn't enough anymore. I always talked about a change happening, but I had to make that change.
Everything stilled around me. The music was in the distance. Everyone seemed to vanish. It was just me and my thoughts. I was in control of my life. I had autonomy. I allowed my father to take those things away from me, but not anymore. This was it.
This was the moment I was crazy enough to think things were as simple as two words. I didn't have a video being leaked like Darian did, but I had this moment. We were in the middle of my engagement party, and this wasn't a good time, but I couldn't wait. I didn't know how long this courage would last.
"Papa," I started before clearing my throat. I met Gabriel's gaze, but he was the first to break it, walking out of my sight soon after.
My father crossed his arms, and I knew I had his full attention. "What is it, Gyan?"
My throat felt like it was closing up, so I looked him in the eye and prepared to blurt it out. "Papa, I'm g—"
"Excuse me." My head snapped in the direction of the voice coming from the front of the room. "Can I have everyone's attention?"
My father and I turned around to focus on Gabriel standing up front with the microphone in his hand. The music was off as everyone focused on him.
"I just wanted to say something I've been keeping in for a very long time now," he said. "I've known Gyan for years. He was the best part of my college experience."
I took a couple steps forward to be closer to him, forgetting about my father because my mind was preoccupied with Gabriel.
What was he doing?
"I've been really patient," he went on, "for years. I cooperated. I listened. I stayed silent." His gaze met mine. "But not anymore. I was recently reminded of how easy it is to lose someone. How easy it is to be left with regrets because you did nothing." He moved the mic to his other hand. "I don't want to regret this, but I know I'll regret doing nothing."
I pleaded with my eyes. Please, don't do anything stupid.
"I can't control what you do, Gyan," he said, "but I can control what I do, and I have to do this. I can't just sit back and do nothing while you slip through my fingers."
People were starting to whisper, glancing around at one another. I didn't like where this was going.
"I have to be honest," he said, "and the honest truth is that I'm in love with you, Gyan."
People gasped, and the whispers got louder. "What is this?" my father asked, his voice increasing. "What is this nonsense?"
I wanted the ground to swallow me where I stood.
"I'm in love with you, and I don't want you to marry her," he continued. "This may be stupid, embarrassing and less than ideal, but I don't know what else to do. The best things in life aren't convenient, but we go after them, anyway. You're right." He forced out a laugh. "I am a hopeless romantic, and I'm not going to lose the love of my life without a fight. If I have to make myself look like a fool in the process, so be it."
"Someone take that mic away from that boy," my father said, his patience running thin.
Gabriel grabbed the mic with both hands. "I've spoken my truth, Gyan. This is the push you asked for." My father marched over to him, but Gabriel's eyes stayed on me. "The only thing I have to lose is you."
My father snatched the mic out of his hands, glaring at him. "Get out! You foolish boy!" Gabriel's eyes never left mine. "This is a celebration. This is no place for your perversions. Out!"
"Gyan." His voice came out small, and he pleaded with his eyes. "Time's out."
"Leave!" my father yelled, pointing at the exit with the mic. "Now!"
Gabriel looked around, finally realizing all eyes were on him, but his gaze locked on mine. He watched me, as if expecting something, but words couldn't come out of my mouth, yet alone for me to move. I couldn't even mouth a "sorry."
With that, his expression crumbled, and he broke our stare before walking away, heading straight for the exit.
"Resume the music!" my father hollered. "The night is still young."
Gabriel moved so fast, he was already outside by the time I could move. People continued whispering, but they also started dancing again and tried to resume what they were doing before. Anushka came forward to wrap an arm around my shoulders.
"What a memorable ceremony," she said with a smirk on her lips, before whispering in my ear, "just like the bride and groom."
Fuck.
I freed myself from her grasp and made my way over to the door. "Gyan!" my father called out. "What are you doing?" I ignored him, increasing my pace. "Gyan!"
I didn't know if what Gabriel did was naivete, stupidity or bravery. All I knew was that I had to find him. He did speak his truth.
Too bad it was before I could speak mine.
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* What do you guys will happen next? What's in store for Gyan and Gabriel?
* Merry Christmas, guys! My gift to you, and hoping for more frequent updates in the future! 😊
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