"Did you do it?" Nila asked from across the line.

        "Do what?" I said.

        "Did you punch Ishaan?"

        Fuck.

        She was going to find out anyway.

        "Yeah," I confessed. "I'm not gonna lie. It felt good."

        She was silent for a second. Then she sighed. "It's okay," she said to my shock. "He kind of deserves it."

        What?

        "Really?"

        "Yeah," she replied. "I don't feel bad for him."

        "Even though he's your husband?"

        "He hasn't been acting like a husband."

        True.

         "I'm just looking out for you, Nila," I said. "I don't want anyone treating you or Alisha like shit."

        "Thanks," she said. "I really appreciate it. Although, next time, you probably shouldn't attack him in public, and don't do it again. One time is enough." I didn't know about that. "Speaking of Alisha, things have been kind of rough with her lately."

        "What's going on?"

        "She isn't going to her classes," Nila said. "She refuses to work at the gas station."

        "Why?"

        "I don't know," Nila said. "I've tried talking to her but nothing. Honestly, I don't know what to do with that girl. Something's always up with her."

        "She needs help," I reminded Nila. "A couple months ago, she tried killing herself."

        "Can we not talk about that?"

        "Not talking about it doesn't change the fact that it happened," I pointed out. "We can't keep sweeping it under the rug."

        "What are we supposed to do?"

        "Get her meds," I suggested. "Put her in therapy."

        "Meds don't solve everything," she said.

        "It's a start," I said. "We have to try something."

        "You talk to her then," she said. "I've tried. Maybe you'll have luck."

        "Maybe I will," I said. "I have to look out for you guys."

        "Do I have to remind you that I'm the older sister?"

        "Doesn't matter," I said. "We take care of each other."

        "How are you, by the way?"

        Shitty. Amazing. Shitty because of Arush. Amazing because of Gabriel. I didn't think I could do it anymore. I couldn't keep being Arush's bitch, stealing from Appeto for that little pipsqueak. I had to do something.

        "Nila?" I started. "Can I confess something?"

        "Go for it."

        It took me some time to speak. "I've been stealing from Appeto." The line stayed silent. "Nila?"

        "You've what?"

        "Arush," I said. "You know he's been cut off, right?"

        "Yeah."

        "He has something on me," I went on. "Something important. He has a compromising picture of me, and he's using it against me. He told me to steal from Appeto and give him the money, or he'll expose me."

        "He's blackmailing you?"

        "Yup," I said. "I don't want to do it, but I have to."

        "You don't have to do anything," she said. "You're choosing to steal from Appeto."

        "You think I wanna do this?"

        "This is serious, Gyan," she said. "Where are you getting the money from?"

        "Taxes."

        "Gyan," she scolded. "You're lucky the IRS haven't contacted us by now. What if Papa finds out?"

        "He can't," I told her. "He'll freak out."

        "Rightfully so," she said. "I can't believe you'll do this."

        "Can you not judge me right now?" I asked. "I already feel like shit."

        "Are you going to do something about it?"

        "I don't know," I admitted. "If I did, I wouldn't be in this mess."

        "Okay," she said. "Give me a second. I need a couple hours to figure this out."

        "What are you going to do?"

        "I don't know yet," she said. "Just give me some time. There has to be a way out of this. You can't keep taking money from Appeto. Papa will find out eventually. Don't forget the IRS. I still don't know how we're going to pay back the taxes."

        "I know this is my fault," I said. "I wish this didn't have to happen."

        "What's the secret?"

        "I can't tell you that," I told her. "If I could tell people, I wouldn't be doing this."

        "I'm sure it's not that bad," she said. "You're probably freaking out for no reason."

        "No," I said. "It's my business."

        "I'm trying to help you here."

        "And I appreciate it," I said, "but that doesn't mean I have to tell you."

        "How am I supposed to help you then?"

        "Just know it's private."

        "Gyan," she said. "What have you gotten yourself into?"

        "Don't worry," I said. "It's not illegal. No one is out to get me. It's just private."

        "We're not going to judge you."

        "Just drop it."

        I wanted her help, but she didn't have to pry. I had every right to keep this to myself. If I told, then I did all this shit for nothing.

        "Fine," she gave in. "I guess I have to fix this mess."

        "Nila..."

        "I'll see you in a couple hours."

        Before I could speak, she hung up. I didn't miss the disappointment in her voice, and I couldn't blame her. This was an all time low for me. I betrayed my family and compromised my morals. She said they wouldn't judge me, but I still couldn't do it. I still felt stuck, not only with Arush but with everything. I didn't know how she could fix this, but I just had to trust my sister.

        Either way, if I couldn't help myself, at least I could help Alisha. With that, I got out of the apartment and headed for hers.

        When I rang the doorbell, she was home. "Hey," I said while walking in, and I removed my shoes. She didn't respond, and I sat next to her on the couch. "What's up?"

        "They called you, didn't they?" she asked. "I don't know why they won't leave me alone."

        "We're worried," I said. "What's going on, Alisha?"

        "I'm tired of this," she said. "I'm tired of all of it. The gas station. School. It's all pointless."

         "You don't mean that."

        "I do," she said. "Nothing has meaning anymore. There's nothing to look forward to. I dread the day every time I wake up. I don't know how long I can do this."

        "Papa is gonna be pissed," I reminded her. "You have to go to school. I know the gas station isn't ideal, but it's something."

         "I don't care," she said. "Papa can be pissed. He can cut me off if he wants. I don't want any of it. Screw the money. What's the point of having all this money if I'm miserable? I'm sick of him trying to control our lives."

        "I know," I said, "but it's what we have to do."

        She narrowed her eyes. "We don't have to do anything. We're choosing this. We're the ones letting him get away with it. I say screw it. I'm done."

        "Okay. Fuck the gas station, but you have to go to school."

        Tears collected in her eyes. "Why is college so important, anyway? It's not for everyone. Maybe, it's not for me."

        "You've come this far," I said. "You can't give up now."

        "I need a break," she said. "I feel like I'm suffocating. I can't keep going like this."

        I ran a hand through my hair. "Then take a break. Maybe a semester off, but you have to finish. You can do this, Alisha." She ran a hand down her arm, drawing my eyes to the abrasions on her arm. "Why do you do that?" I asked.

        "Do what?"

        "Hurt yourself," I said, and she looked away. "How can you do this to yourself?"

        "You don't get it."

        "I don't," I admitted. "But I want to know why."

        Her focus returned to me. "It helps."

        "How?"

        How was cutting herself helping her in anyway?

        "It makes the pain go away."

        What?

        "How does causing yourself pain make pain go away?"

        "I can handle this pain," she said while running her fingers along her scars. "Physical pain. The scars. They mean nothing. It's bearable. But this feeling like I can't breathe. This hurt and being overwhelmed. I can't handle that. It's too much." She sent me a sad smile. "It sounds stupid, but for a brief second, when that physical sensation takes over, those feelings go away. They become a little easier, so I'll take these scars and that physical pain any day."

        I could never understand this logic. It made no sense. I just wanted my sister to be happy. It shouldn't have been this hard. I knew people struggled with mental health, but I guess I really didn't get it. I would never understand cutting or suicide or feeling like life wasn't worth living. I never wanted to understand that feeling. I wish she didn't either.

        "Alisha." I covered her hand with mine. "You can't keep doing this."

        "I don't know what else to do," she said. "I've accepted the fact that no one can help me."

        "We will."

        "How?" she asked. "Papa isn't going to do anything. What will you do? Nila? Mom? Nothing. It's hopeless."

        "It's not," I said. "As long as we're here, as long as you're here, there's always hope. You have options."

        "Doesn't feel like it," she said, "so I'll stick to what's available."

        I hated this. She was right. I didn't know what to do. If I couldn't help myself, how could I help someone else?

        "Just focus on yourself, Gyan," she said. "You have your own shit to deal with. We have to look out for ourselves."

        "I'm not turning my back on you," I said. "We'll work this out."

        "Focus on Anushka and your wedding." I groaned. "Exactly. Figure out your shit first."

        This wedding wasn't going away. It was only getting closer, and I couldn't keep stringing Gabriel along. I had to do something, but then there was my dad. A part of me was envious of Alisha. She finally got the courage to stop caring about what he wanted. She finally broke free. I wanted her to finish college, but at least she was making her own decisions. I couldn't help myself with the wedding or Arush. I had to rely on Nila and letting the wedding get closer and closer.

        I stayed with Alisha a little longer before returning to the apartment. Gabriel was there, and we had lunch together. We talked a little bit before I took him to the bedroom and fucked his brains out. It wasn't lovemaking but raw, animalistic fucking. I shouldn't have, but I took all my frustrations out on him. He didn't seem to mind, and I felt a little better afterwards. I stayed with him, cuddling until Nila called me.

        "Hello?" I answered.

        "Pick me up at my house," she said. "I found something."

        I sat up, making Gabriel watch me. "What did you find?"

        "Just pick me up."

        "On my way." I jumped out of bed, frantically finding my clothes. "I have to go."

        Gabriel sat up in bed. "What's wrong?"

        "Nothing's wrong." I put my shirt on and grabbed my phone. "It may all be alright after all." I gave him a quick kiss. "I'll be back."

        He nodded, and I left, heading for Nila's place. When she entered the car, I drove off, not knowing where I was going. "Let's go to his apartment," she said. "I told him I wanted to talk to him."

        That was when I noticed the folder in her hand. "What's that?"

        "The solution to our problem." She smirked. "You're not the only one with secrets."

        "What do you have on him?" I took a right turn, knowing where his place was.

        "Let's just say Arush has interesting sexual tastes."

        My eyes widened. "Like what?"

        "He goes to a dominatrix every week."

        "What?!" I almost stopped the car. "You're kidding."

        She shook her head. "No one knows."

        "How did you find out?"

        "I have my ways," she said. "I could find out your secret if I wanted to, but I respect your privacy."

        I glanced at her. "What's in the folder?"

        "Proof of his tastes."

        "Like?"

        "Emails," she answered. "Pictures."

        "How did you get all of this?"

        Who knew that Nila was so sneaky? It was a little scary.

        "Don't worry about it." We pulled into a parking spot in his apartment complex before getting out of the Sequoia. "Hopefully he's like you and wants to keep his secret at all costs."

        A dominatrix? Who knew my cousin was interested in BDSM? It was nothing to be ashamed of, but hopefully it was to him. Then again, being gay was nothing to be ashamed of either, but I wanted to keep that shit to myself.

        Nila rang the doorbell before turning to me. "Here goes nothing."

        Arush opened the door, appearing shocked at seeing me. "Gyan." Nila walked in, and I followed suit. We didn't take off our shoes. I was guessing we weren't staying long. Arush stood in front of us. "What's going on here?" Nila handed him the folder, and he took it, opening it. He furrowed his brows, his lips in a thin line. "What's this?"

        "Don't play dumb." Nila crossed her arms. "You have your secrets. Gyan has his." Arush looked up. "Now, why don't you get a job instead of blackmailing Gyan to give you money?"

        Arush frowned. "Do you know what he's hiding?"

        "I don't need to know," Nila said. "All I care about is you deleting that photo. Every single copy, and keep your mouth shut. Unless you want me to release your information."

        "Then I'll release his."

        "I guess you'll both lose then," she said. "Everyone will know about your extra-curriculars."

        His features softened. "Nila, please."

        "Delete the picture," she repeated. "I want to see you do it right now." I watched my sister, in awe. "Then I'll let you keep this folder, and we'll keep our mouths shut, too."

        He looked my way. "Your secret isn't even that bad."

        "Neither is yours," I said. "But here we are."

         He pursed his lips, glaring at me. Then he returned his attention to Nila. "No one will know?" She nodded. "Fine." He took out his phone. "Come watch me delete it, Gyan, unless you want Nila to find out." I quickly moved behind him, looking over his shoulder as he deleted the picture. "Happy?" I returned to stand beside Nila. "That was the only copy."

        "Good," Nila said. "It better be. Because I can just find your information all over again. Let's just say I have some tech savvy friends who know how to hack and get information."

        I grinned, never being prouder of Nila. "Why don't we put this behind us?" I said.

        Arush nodded.

        "Also," Nila went on. "You're going to pay back the money you took." His eyes went round. "I don't care how long it takes, you're doing it. Steal from family, and you have to pay back. Am I clear?"

        "How am I going to do that?"

        "Get a job," I said, "like everyone else."

        He continued to glare at me. "You're going to be exposed, Gyan. It'll come out eventually."

        "Not by you," Nila said. "Isn't that right, Arush?"

        He looked to Nila with a defeated look. "That's right."

        "Glad we worked this out." Nila patted his shoulder before we walked past him. "Have a good day, Arush."

        We walked out, and I chuckled. "That was wild. Nila, you're my hero."

        She snickered as we entered the Sequoia. "That's what family does. We help each other out." She watched me while I drove off. "You look out for me with Ishaan. I look out for you with Arush."

        "Damn straight."

        She continued to stare at me. "How important is this secret that you won't tell me or anyone else?"

        Other people knew, but she didn't have to know that.

        "The situation has already passed," I said. "Let's forget about it."

        It took her some time, but she eventually looked forward. "Just, no more stealing."

        "Trust me," I said while making a left turn for her house. "I won't. I'm done being anyone's bitch."

        Arush was taken care of. This was all the courage I needed to know that I would deal with my father, too. Alisha was right. What was the point of having all this money if I was miserable? Fuck being cut off. I was leaving Appeto one way or another. But one thing became clear. There was only one way to stop this wedding.

        I had to come out to my dad.

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* What do you guys think about the Arush situation being handled? Nila helping? Gyan's realization?

* Honestly, once I graduate college, I'll be able to update more frequently. This month is crazy busy. Only a month left until graduation. Also, I'm excited for the next couple chapters. I can't wait to write them. 😊