Gabriel rested his hand on my chest, his lips staying close to mine as I held onto his hand, wanting every part of him against me. When he would pull away to gasp, I would close the distance between us again, needing to feel his soft, slightly swollen lips against mine. My fingers raked through his curls, loving the texture as my fingertips brushed against his scalp.

        We'd spent the last couple minutes just kissing, our nude bodies pressed together. Moments like this reminded me just why I missed Gabriel. No one made me feel the way he did. I wasn't a cuddling guy, but I could hold him forever. He was the only person I could lay in bed with, kissing without having sex. Now that he'd moved back in, we did a lot of this.

        I groaned, knowing what I had to do but not wanting to do it. I pulled back. "I have to go."

        "No." He was kissing me again.

        It took every ounce of self-control for me to break free, looking into his sad eyes. "I have to."

        He pouted. "I know." Then he grinned, glancing up at me. "So, you're going to do it?"

        I nodded, smiling down at him. "I'm going to do it."

        I was going to call off my engagement to Anushka.

        I would take the disgrace. I would take my father's anger. I would take it all as long as I had Gabriel. Losing him was a wake-up call. I had to get my shit together. I had to set my priorities, and Gabriel was one of them.

        Gabriel hugged me, resting his head on my chest, and I played with his hair. "I'm so happy, Gyan." He peered up at me, and I cupped his cheek. "You have no idea how happy this makes me feel."

        "I want to make you feel that way every day," I said before sitting up, putting distance between us. I swung my legs on the bed to plant my feet on the ground. "This is a new beginning for us." Before I could stand up, Gabriel wrapped his arms around me, kissing my neck. I closed my eyes. "Gabriel. At this rate, I'm never going to leave this bed."

        "I want you to go," he mumbled, "but I also want you to stay."

        I turned my head, and Gabriel's lips found mine. My hand grabbed his head, keeping him in place while his hands explored my chest and abdomen.

        He'd only moved back in for a couple days, and we couldn't get enough of each other. I didn't know if it was because of our time apart or our feelings solidifying.

        We parted, looking into each other's eyes. "Fuck it," I said, and I grabbed Gabriel, throwing him onto the bed. He laughed as I got on top of him, and I grabbed him, kissing him with everything that I had. He ran his fingertips down my back, and I grabbed one of his hands to interlock our fingers. I pressed our hands near his head, our lips never parting. "Fuck, I don't want to leave," I muttered as we released light pants, staying pressed together.

        I released his hand, and his thumbs caressed my neck. "It'll be over soon. You can handle Anushka."

        "Anushka isn't the problem," I said, trying to move over, but Gabriel's limbs locked me in.

        "Stay right here," he said. "And what do you mean?"

        My elbows rested on either side of his head while I focused on him. "The first person I have to talk to in order to call off this wedding is my father."

        Gabriel's eyes widened. "Why?"

        "Our parents are arranging this wedding," I said, "not me and Anushka, hence why it's called an arranged marriage."

        "Why can't you just call it off with Anushka?"

        "Because, I have to talk to my parents first, specifically my father," I said. "Then they have to pass the news over to Anushka's parents, and they have to tell her. It's the appropriate thing to do."

        "Are you ready to talk to your father?" he asked.

        I sighed. "I have to be."

        I was a grown, 6'5 man. My father shouldn't have put this much fear in me. But I had to do this. When Gabriel was gone, it was easy to agree to the arrangement. Now that he was here, I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else.

        Then I noticed Gabriel watching me. "What?" I asked, and he wrapped his arms around my neck.

        "While we were on our break, I was with Enrique. We didn't have sex, but I was with him." I cleared my throat, not wanting to hear this. "Were you with anyone?"

        "In what way?"

        "You know what I mean," he said. "Did you have sex with anyone?"

        I freed myself to lay next to him, and he rested his hand on my chest as I held him. "Why do you assume I had sex with someone?" We met each other's gaze. "What if I had my own Enrique?"

        "You don't do emotions," Gabriel said. "Most of the people you have sex with, you don't give a damn about them. If you were to be with someone, it's probably only sex. You're not a big dating bloke."

        He and Darian were making it seem as if I was some kind of sex addict.

        "You don't want to hear this, Gabriel."

        "I do," he said. "If you know about Enrique, why can't I know about the people you were with?"

       Shit.

        "Fine," I said. "I had sex with Darian."

        His head returned to my chest, breaking our stare. "Just once?" he asked.

        I hesitated. "Multiple times."

        He nodded, playing with the hairs on my chest. "In one day?"

        "Gabriel, don't do this to yourself."

        If I knew the details about Gabriel having sex with someone else, I would have been pissed. I could only imagine how he was feeling now.

        "Answer the question," he said. "In one day?"

        "No."

        "How many?"

        Why did he want to know this?

        "Over the course of a week."

        "How often?"

        "Gabriel."

        "How often?" he persisted.

        I gulped. "A lot. We had sex a lot, every day." Gabriel sat up, and I did so as well. "Hey, listen to me." I turned his head, so he would look at me. "It meant nothing. Darian is my friend. That's it."

        "A friend you like having sex with."

        "Just because I like having sex with him, doesn't mean I want to date him," I said. "I like having sex with a lot of people." Gabriel slit his eyes, and I ran my fingers through my hair. "Fuck, that came out wrong."

        Gabriel nodded with his lips curled into his mouth. "Will I ever be enough for you? Sexually?"

        "Of course," I said. "I can commit to you. I proved that in college."

        Sure, I liked having sex with a lot of people, but I could be monogamous, especially when that person was Gabriel. He was all I needed.

        "Look," I said, "Darian and I were both in a dark place. He was broken up with Kenji, and I thought I lost you forever. Us being together helped."

        "So, you use sex to avoid your feelings," he said. "When I left for Australia, apparently you couldn't keep it in your pants to save your life."

        "Wow," I said.

        I couldn't keep it in my pants to save my life. That was a new way to describe my sexual escapades while Gabriel was gone.

        "Then we go on a break," he continued, "and you and Darian fuck like rabbits."

        "It means nothing," I repeated. "Sex doesn't equal love to me. Most of the people I've been with, I don't give a shit about them. Yeah, I care about Darian, and we've had sex a couple times, but he's not the person I want to be with." I brought him close. "It's you. All those people I've been with don't compare to the way I feel about you."

        "When we have sex, is it any different from the other people you've been with?" he asked.

        "Of course," I said. "It's even better because it's you."

        Sex felt great, regardless of who it was from. But sex with Gabriel was so much more. It went beyond what was physically happening. It was about us. I couldn't say the same about anyone else.

        "Okay." We laid back down, resuming our previous position. "I don't care where your dick has been." We maintained eye contact. "But I won't share your heart. I want that all to myself. If I ever lose that, tell me."

        "You won't," I assured him. "Plus, we're together now. You're the only one getting my dick."

        "Damn straight." His hand descended to grab a hold of my dick, and he squeezed. I gasped, but his hand came back up as he chuckled. "No one else's."

        I chuckled, too. "Okay, I really have to go." I pulled away from him to get out of bed.

        "Let me take a shower with you," he suggested.

        "No," I said. "If we take a shower together, we're going to hookup, and it'll take forever. We need to stop stalling."

        In all honesty, I would have preferred to stay in bed with him than to have this conversation with my father, but it had to be done.

        "Okay," he said, and I gave him one more kiss before heading for a shower.

        When I was done showering and getting ready, Gabriel had made me pancakes and eggs. He refused for me to leave without eating, and I couldn't say "no" to him.

        I didn't know how I managed, but I finally made it out of the apartment. While I rode in my Sequoia, my phone rang. It was Arya.

        "What's up?" I answered.

        "Is it cuffing season already or what?" she said. "Kenji and Darian are engaged. Thank God. Their whole breakup fucked up the group arrangement. One hangout, only invite Kenji. The other hangout, only invite Darian. Not knowing what side we should be on. Hell, not knowing if we should even be on a side. It was a hot mess."

        "This is why I have individual friends," I said. "Not groups."

        At the same time, I was a little jealous of Arya's friend group. They'd known each other since elementary school, and they were all close. I'd never had a "best friend." People usually came and went, and that was it. There were very few people I even considered my friend. Darian was one of them, but we were far from best friends.

        "Anyway," Arya went on. "I also heard that you and Gabriel are back together."

        "Yup," I said. "We're going to make things work."

        "I hope that means you're calling off the engagement to Anushka."

        "I am." Arya screamed. "What the hell? Wanna bust my damn eardrums?"

        Arya squealed. "Gyan, I never thought this day will come. You may not be coming out yet, but this is the first step."

        "This shit isn't going to be easy." The closer I got to my father's office, the sicker I felt.

        "Of course, not," Arya said. "You were right. Your father isn't my dad. He's gonna be a tough nut to crack, but it's your life, and you have every right to do this."

        "It's more complicated than that."

        "But you're doing it," she said. "That's all that matters. Plus, if not for yourself then think about Gabriel."

        She was right. This wasn't only about me. It was for us. I had to be a man. A man in charge of my life.

        "I won't be surprised if you and Gabriel are married within a year," Arya said.

        "When did marriage get into this?"

        "Come on, Gyan," she said. "Who else are you going to marry? You don't fall in love easily, so I doubt some random guy is going to show up and steal your heart."

        I couldn't rebut that. My dick wasn't very selective. My brain, or "heart," was. I wasn't a guy big on feelings, so maybe that contributed to it.

        "I'm telling you, all my friends are getting hitched," Arya said, "and we're only twenty-four. Clay and Alissa got married a couple years ago. Now, Kenji and Darian are about to get married. I'm telling you, if Honoka's bitch ass gets married soon, I'm gonna be pissed. We need to stick together." I laughed. "Honestly, Honoka probably would have been married by now if she was still with Gavin."

        Arya's roommate Honoka had a terrible breakup with Gavin, who also happened to be one of Darian's best friends. Honestly, everyone had some relationship to each other, and it was fucking exhausting trying to figure out who was connected to who. Honoka was Arya's roommate, but she was also Kenji's twin sister. Aaron was Arya's side piece, but he was also one of Darian's best friends. Maybe this was why I didn't have many friends—it was too complicated.

        "Speaking of marriage," I said, "you and Priyanka have been together, for what, three years now? When are you two going to get married?"

        "I'm twenty-four," she said. "I don't want to be marrying anyone anytime soon. My thirties are for marriage, not my twenties."

        "I bet if Camila was alive and you two were together, you'll be quick to marry her." Arya went silent. "Did I cross a line?"

        "I'm with Priyanka," she said.

        "Would you have been with Priyanka if Camila was alive and into girls?"

        "I'm with Priyanka," she repeated.

        "Is Priyanka the love of your life?"

        She didn't answer.

        Arya didn't like to talk about it, but Camila was the love of her life. A love that was never explored. Camila could have or could not have been interested in girls, but Arya would never know. Damn. That would have haunted me if I were in her shoes.

        "I have to go," Arya said.

        "Arya." I heard shuffling from across the line. "I didn't mean to—"

        "No, you're fine," she brushed me off. "I have a lot of shit to do, anyway. I'll talk to you later."

        She hung up before I could say another word. I should have known better. Camila was a sensitive topic for Arya. Honestly, if Gabriel died, I didn't think I would have ever been able to get over it. So, I understood Arya's loss, in a way, but I could never fully get it.

        I didn't know what it was like to have the love of your life die.

        When I arrived at Appeto, I parked the Sequoia, and I made my way into the building. My father's office was on the seventh floor, so I walked to the elevator. As I ascended the floors, I clenched and released my fists, fighting the urge to pace around the elevator.

        You got this.

        Be confident. Speak your mind and stand your ground. This was for Gabriel. It was for me, and it was for us.

        With that, I exited the elevator and made it to my father's office. When I knocked, he urged me in, so I walked in. My father sat in his chair, placing his paperwork down at the sight of me.

        He grinned. "Beta." He stood up and walked to me with his arms opened. I met him halfway, and we pulled each other into a hug. My father patted my back before we pulled away. "How are you?"

        "Good." He began to return to his seat. "Just wanted to talk."

        He stopped, turning to face me again. "About what?"

        I gulped, trying to will myself to speak as my father continued to watch me. "I—" I cleared my throat. "I've changed my mind."

        My father tilted his head. "Changed your mind about what?"

        His stare made me want to turn around, get back in the Sequoia and stay in bed with Gabriel. But I couldn't. This was what Gabriel wanted. What I needed.

        "I'm calling off the engagement," I blurted out. My father's stare intensified. "I don't want to marry Anushka."

        We went still, neither one of us saying anything for a couple seconds.

        "You must have lost your damn mind," my father said.

        "Papa—"

        "If only I had a slipper to beat some sense into you," he went on. "What do you mean you don't want to marry Anushka?"

        "It means exactly that," I said. "I don't want to go through with this wedding."

        My father's nostrils flared. "This isn't up for discussion. We've already made arrangements."

        "Then cancel them," I said. "I'm not marrying her."

        "Yes, you are."

        "No, I'm not."

        "Yes. You. Are." My father was in my face. "You've agreed to this."

        "And plans change."

        "Not this one!" he yelled. "You've made a commitment. When we commit to something, we follow through, at all costs. It's disrespectful to call off a wedding when you had agreed to it."

        "Lots of people call off weddings," I said. "Some people back out at the altar."

        "Do you know what will happen if we cancel this wedding?" my father said. "The rest of our family and our friends, they will talk. We can't have people talking."

        "Aunties and uncles always find reasons to talk," I said. "If not about this, then something else."

        "Don't make me into a fool, Gyan," he said. "I'm not a man who backs down on his word. I gave the Kumars my word. I told them my son will be marrying their daughter, and that's what's going to happen. If it was some useless girl, I wouldn't give a damn if you married her or not, but it's Anushka. Her family is one of the most—"

        "Prestigious Indian families in Shirley Heights," I finished. "I know."

        "This wedding goes beyond you and Anushka," he said. "It's a connection between our families."

        "It's my life."

        "It's not all about you," my father said. "Everything you do reflects upon this family—both good and bad. You can bring prestige to this family, or you can bring shame. It's up to you. Calling off this wedding, when there's no reason to, makes our family look bad because it looks like we can't keep our word. Sometimes, all you have is your word."

    No. This couldn't be happening.

        "Papa..."

        "I'm done with this conversation," my father said, turning around for his chair. "You're not calling off the wedding."

        He sat down, taking his paper to resume what he was doing. I watched him for a couple seconds, trying to organize my thoughts.

        "I don't love her," I finally said, and my father looked up. "It's going to be a loveless marriage. Is our reputation worth that?"

        He stared right back before sighing. "Who said anything about love?" I narrowed my eyes at him as he stood up to walk over to me. "You don't love her now, but you will. You'll grow to love her, and you'll have a beautiful life together." He patted the side of my face in comfort. "Okay, beta?"

        I struggled to keep my breathing even as the anger boiled inside of me. I couldn't respond, so I turned around and walked away instead, not saying a word as I left him there. Everything was a blur, but as soon as I entered the Sequoia, I screamed at the top of my lungs, not caring if anyone heard or how I looked.

        Fuck all of it. Fuck what everyone thought. Fuck my father. And fuck the family I represented. My actions were mine, not my families'. The stigma was mine.

        At least, it should have been.

        With defeat, I buckled in and drove back to the apartment. For the first time, I dreaded seeing Gabriel. How could I look at him, knowing I'd failed?

        When I arrived at the apartment, I closed the door behind me, hoping that Gabriel had gone out. Then he emerged from the hallway, and he made it over to me.

        "Gabriel, listen, I—"

        His lips silenced me, and I groaned, but I couldn't resist. I kissed him back, knowing I had failed. It couldn't stop me from holding him and relishing in his lips. His hands held my head while I rested a hand in his hair and on his back.

        "Gabriel," I murmured against his lips, but he was kissing me some more. I should have stopped, but I kept going, following his lips and responding to him. "Gabriel, stop." I finally pushed him back, separating us.

        He was grinning until he saw my expression. His face dropped. "You didn't do it," he said, and I bit my lip, looking away.

        He turned to leave, but I grabbed him. "Gabriel, no."

        "I can't do this, Gyan." He freed himself of my grip. "You were supposed to call it off. Why didn't you call it off?"

        "I tried." I held onto his wrists as our eyes locked on each other. "Trust me, I did, but my dad..."

        Gabriel shook his head. "It's your life."

        A life that reflected on my family.

        "I tried," I said. "This isn't only me. If I call off the wedding, my father is going to look bad for not keeping his word." Gabriel covered his face with his hands. "I'm sorry, Gabriel."

        His hands came down. "That's all I get? A 'sorry' and a botched attempt?"

        I held onto him, and he rested his head on my chest. "I'll figure something out. It'll take time, but I'll find a way to stop this wedding."

        "How?" he muttered against me.

        "I don't know," I admitted, "but I'll make it work. You were right, Gabriel." He looked up at me. "You'll never have to share my heart with anyone else. Not all the other people I've been with. Certainly not Anushka. It doesn't matter who I marry, it's all yours."

        He placed his head back onto my chest. "It doesn't matter if your heart belongs to me. I don't want you marrying someone else."

        "I won't," I said without thinking. "I'm not going to marry anyone else."

        "Promise?" he mumbled.

        Fuck. I wanted to yell some more to release all this tension and emotion out of me.

        "Promise," I said, holding him tighter. He relaxed at my words.

        My father said that sometimes your word was all you had. At this moment, I didn't know how much my word was worth.

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* What do you guys think about this chapter? How do you think Gyan and Gabriel could get past this?