"I'm glad you decided to meet up with me," I told Enrique as we sat opposite each other at one of the best smoothie places in Shirley Heights.

His expression was unreadable. "No problem."

I waited for more, but he didn't give it to me. After I refused to be Enrique's boyfriend, things had been awkward. We didn't text or call each other on the phone anymore. At work, he kept his distance, only acknowledging and talking to me when necessary. I knew I hurt him, and I shouldn't have expected anything less, but it was still a jab to my heart.

"Why am I here?" he finally asked.

"I want to make sure we're okay," I said. "We haven't talked much."

"We're okay."

"Are we?"

He rolled his eyes. "What do you want me to say, Gabriel?"

"Be honest." I reached for his hand, but he pulled it back. I deserved that. "Are we okay?" I repeated.

He shook his head. "Not yet, but we will be. We just need some distance. No more kissing and acting like friends. From now on, we're going to have a strictly professional relationship."

"Oh..."

"It never should have started, anyway," he went on. "I'm your boss. It was beyond unprofessional. Don't worry. I'm not going to be one of those jackasses who find a way to fire you just because you rejected me. Your job is safe."

I was glad, but the dissatisfaction persisted. "I'm sorry, Enrique. I wish things ended differently."

"You're going back to Gyan." I shook my head. "Then why did you end us?"

"You deserve better," I said.

"You deserve what you put up with," he said, "nothing more, nothing less. If I choose to be with you, that's what I deserve."

"I won't be able to fully love you," I said. "Not until I move on from Gyan. You shouldn't be second best. You should be number one."

He released a sharp breath. "What's so special about this Gyan guy, anyway?" I didn't respond. "He's attractive. He's rich. What else? Why him?"

I had shared some information about Gyan. Not much, but enough for Enrique to think he was a brat. Then again, Enrique was really good at reading people, and Gyan did always get what he wanted. Then he agreed to marry Anushka before I came back. I guess I was the one thing he couldn't have.

"You don't know, Gyan," I said.

"I don't want to know him," Enrique said. "I could never be friends with a guy like that. Does he stand for anything? Or is he one of those people of color who just live life, oblivious?"

I frowned. "Not everyone is like you, Enrique. We're not all socially aware and spot out every injustice in the world. Sometimes, it's nice to be ignorant."

"Ignorance gives you a false sense of safety," Enrique said. "Does Gyan know what it's like to not feel safe?"

"Yes," I answered.

If he felt safe, he would have come out. He would have called off the wedding. He would have left Appeto. He would have been with me.

"He's a great bloke," I said. "He isn't just some lad who looks like a sex god or the bloke with the wealthy family. He's intelligent and loves to read. He's an athlete and loves to workout. He's so kind and will protect anyone he loves. He isn't perfect, but he's Gyan."

I could put up with so much just to be with him. Being treated like some mistress was too far.

        You deserve what you put up with.

I refused to deserve that.

"So, you aren't going back to Gyan," he said, "but you don't want to be with me. What do you want?"

"I don't know," I said. "I have to figure it out."

I'd been trying to figure things out since college, and I didn't feel any closer to my revelation.

"Like I said, we need some distance," Enrique said. "Just like how you need time to get over Gyan. I need time to get over you."

I nodded. "That's understandable."

"I'll see you at work." He grabbed his smoothie and his jacket before walking out.

I wanted to call out his name and let him know that I was sorry, but I let him go. This was for the best. I would miss Enrique's companionship, but this was the right call.

After sitting down quietly for five minutes, I decided to let my father know where I was, so we could meet up. I'd finished my smoothie and gotten another one when he walked through the door.

"Gabriel." He smiled as he sat opposite me. "How are you?"

Not great.

"Good," I said. "What about you?"

"Can we skip the small talk?" he asked. "You haven't spoken to me for weeks."

"You're a drug dealer," I whispered.

"I have to deal," he said. "Business has been slow. But I still have bills and expenses. I send money back to my parents in Colombia. It's not all about me."

I'd never met my grandparents. I wondered what they were like?

"There's no other way?"

He wiped his mouth. "I'm a Latino who's been to prison multiple times." This was new information. "How many good paying jobs do you think I can get?"

"Just find something small and work your way up."

My father scoffed as he looked to the side. Then his attention returned to me. "You think it's so easy to succeed as long as you have the will. That's a lie. You need will and luck."

"I survived," I said. "Grew up in a low-income household. Grew up in a rough neighborhood. Single mother who worked so hard to give us the life she never had. Nothing in my life has been handed to me. I've had to work for everything. Work hard to get that scholarship and be accepted into Harley Falls. Work hard to get that internship in Australia and eventually start working at Barkley's. I don't have any connections. Every single thing I got, I got it because I had to be good enough. I couldn't just have a friend put in a good word for me. So yes, dad. You can make it."

I wasn't where I wanted to be occupation wise, but I made it to some extent. I had some accomplishments.

"Not everyone had the opportunities you had."

"Opportunities?" I leaned forward. "Didn't you hear what I just said? I didn't get anything based on luck."

"You don't get it," he said. "You think you're so disadvantaged, but there are many advantages you had that helped you get to where you are now."

"Like what?"

"You had a good mother," my father said. "She raised you right, and she was there for you. She wasn't some crackhead who spent most of her time prostituting instead of taking care of you." I never thought about that. "You grew up in a tough neighborhood, but you once told me that you never went to the local high school. Your mom made sure you went to the better one."

"That's right."

"Exactly," he said. "The high school you go to makes a huge difference. Better high schools provide better textbooks, better teachers, and a better environment to learn. Let's say you do well in your rough high school, and you get into college. Now, you're struggling because your high school didn't prepare you academically. The little things make a big difference. They can be the difference between social mobility and dying the way you were born. But hey, you were lucky. You didn't get shot or experience violence firsthand while you were in your rough neighborhood. Not everyone can say the same."

I never thought about any of those things. They weren't on my mind because they were just there. I never thought about the people who didn't have those advantages.

"It's not always what it seems, Gabriel," he said. "Not everyone can have the American dream. It takes so much more than hard work to succeed. It helps, don't get me wrong, but there's more to the story than that."

"I guess you're right," I said. "I'm luckier than I thought."

"I know I've made mistakes," he said. "Not just leaving you and your sister, but many more. I'm ready to make them right. You have every right to be angry, but I'll appreciate it if you could give me a chance. A chance that doesn't involve holding my past against me. I'm sorry, son. I'm sorry for hurting you."

I sent him a sad smile. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear that."

"You should have heard it sooner," he said. "I'm not going anywhere this time." He grabbed my hand to give it a squeeze. "You hear me?" I nodded. "Me dealing drugs isn't going to affect my role as your father. It's just a way to survive. It doesn't define me. It shouldn't define our relationship."

"You're right," I said. "You're my dad."

He smiled, and I moved across the table to hug him. He stood up to wrap his arms around me in return, and he patted my back. "I'm not going anywhere," he repeated, and I held him tighter.

That was all I wanted. I wanted my father to stay and reassure me that he was here. I wanted to know that he wasn't leaving again.

When we pulled away, we sat down, and my father got himself a smoothie. We talked, about anything and everything. I even told him about my framing, and he seemed more upset than me. It was validating having my father be so angry on my behalf.

When we parted ways, I made it back to the flat, all smiles. When I walked in, that was when I noticed Kenji rapidly moving through the flat, getting the place in order.

"What's going on?" I asked, and he stopped.

"Darian's coming over." He continued his frenzied path.

My eyes widened. "Why?"

Kenji stood in front of me with a look as if he was about to be sick. "So, we can talk."

"Are you still seeing Jessica?" My curiosity was too great.

"No," he said. "It never felt right, but after we talked, it became harder to be with her."

"What about your feelings for her?"

"It's just an attraction," he said. "I thought my feelings were stronger than they actually are. Just because I'm attracted to her doesn't mean I'm going to end up with her. I thought something was wrong with me and Darian and the grass could be greener on the other side, but it's not."

"That's normal," I said. "Especially if you've been with someone for a long time. As long as you love them enough to know it's not true, that's all that matters."

"It's not," he said. "The grass isn't greener on the other side, and Darian and I are great together. We've been through shit, but we always come back to each other. So yeah, Jessica Fuentes is not Darian Ansel."

I patted his back. "Glad you figured that out."

"I guess you have to lose someone to know how important they are."

Yeah. Like I lost Gyan.

The bell rang, and Kenji and I stared at each other with wide eyes. "Answer the door," I said, and he moved to answer it.

"Darian," he said as he allowed Darian to enter, and he closed the front door. While Darian removed his shoes, Kenji stood in front of him. "How are you?"

Darian stood up. "Am I here for small talk?"

Kenji's face fell.

"Should I head out?" I said, breaking the silence.

"No," Kenji said. "I need you to do something for me later." I sat at the island, watching the two. "I wanted to talk."

"About?" Darian said.

Kenji released a deep breath. "I want you back." Darian's features relaxed. "Things have been pretty rough, and we both said some things. I've been thinking a lot lately, about the breakup and why it happened."

"You're not happy."

"It's not because of you," he said. "At first, I thought it was, but it's me. Every day is a struggle to be happy, and I need to work on that more, with therapy. There's nothing wrong with you, Darian."

"I want you to be happy, Kenji," he said, "and I want to make you happier." 

"You do." Kenji moved closer. "You make my life so much better, Darian, and I want to be better for you. I want to be someone who makes you happy."

"I am happy with you," he said. "At least, I was."

"I'm sorry," Kenji said. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like you weren't good enough and for making it so exhausting trying to please me. That's not your responsibility. I'm going to work on myself, and we can work on us, just to be safe. We can go to couple's counseling, not because something is wrong with us, but because it'll make us even stronger." Darian stayed quiet. "Do you not want to go to therapy?"

"I love you, Kenji," Darian said, "but am I the right person for you?"

Kenji's face dropped. "What do you mean by that?"

"I've always been focused on my feelings and what I wanted," he said, "but I've never thought about what you need. Who you need. Am I that person?"

Kenji cupped Darian's face in his hands. "Yes, you are, Darian. You're the perfect person for me."

"And you're the only one for me," Darian said as Kenji released him, "and we've been through a lot. Sometimes, I feel like I can't be there enough. You battle a lot of demons with your depression and toxic thoughts and behaviors. I'll never understand those things. And those things affect our relationship. I'm not perfect either with my history and all. We've worked for five years, but can we go on?"

"Yes, we can," Kenji said. "I love you, Darian. I can't imagine myself with anyone else, and I'll always love you. It doesn't matter how much shit we go through. I'll always want to go through it with you."

"Are you okay with just me?"

Kenji chuckled. "You're more than enough. You don't have to understand. I just need you to be there, and I'm working on it. I'm working on myself."

"I'm not perfect either."

"You don't have to be," Kenji said. "I'll take all of you."

Darian placed a hand into Kenji's hair, and he smashed his lips to his. I silently screamed, wanting to jump out of my chair in joy.

When they pulled away, they smiled at each other. They were so cute. Then Kenji turned to me, and he made his way over. "Start recording." He unlocked his phone and handed it to me. Okay... I did what he said anyway as Kenji stood in front of Darian.

"Darian." He grabbed his partner's hands. "Ever since I first met you in elementary school, I knew there was something special about you. It didn't matter what happened, you always held a special place in my heart, even when you punched me in the face."

What?

Darian winced. "Not my finest moment."

"None of it mattered because I didn't realize how full my life could be until I met you," he said. "Things may have been shaky lately, but I want you. I want you ten years from now. Twenty years from now. For the rest of my life." Kenji got down on one knee, and both my and Darian's jaws dropped. Kenji pulled out a ring box from his back pocket, and he opened it. "Darian Ansel, will you marry me?"

I almost dropped the phone, but I held on. Darian was speechless, and so was I. "We just got back together," he said. "We were broken up minutes ago, and now you're proposing to me?"

"I don't want to wait anymore," Kenji said. "I'm not leaving your side, and no one compares to you. We've always taken a leap of faith, and I'm ready to take this one." He smiled. "I've never been more sure of anything."

"Where did you get the money?" Darian asked. "This shit looks expensive."

"It doesn't matter," Kenji said.

Then Darian paused. "Did you use your savings for your restaurant?"

For years, Kenji had been saving up money for when he opened his own restaurant.

"Darian, don't think about it."

Darian's eyes bugged out. "Kenji, you did."

"You're more important," Kenji said. "Restaurants can come and go. I want you with me forever."

"Your money."

"Darian!" Kenji said. "It's okay. Now, answer the question. My knee is going numb. Will you marry me?"

Darian pulled Kenji up to his feet, wrapping his arms around him. "Like I'll marry anyone else."

Kenji kissed him this time, and I couldn't handle it. The cuteness and jealousy was overwhelming. Why couldn't I have this?

When they parted, Kenji placed the ring on Darian's finger, and I moved closer, getting a better look at the couple. "Congratulations!" I shouted.

Darian flashed me his ring, and it was beautiful. "This is the happiest day of my life," he said, and Kenji kissed his cheek.

"You've made me the happiest man," Kenji said before kissing his lips.

They continued being lovey-dovey, and I stopped recording after some time, handing Kenji his phone. Seeing Kenji and Darian sitting on the couch, cuddling and kissing made my heart swell and ache. They inspired me, and I wanted someone to love me the way they loved each other. I wanted someone to spend years with me, and then propose and marry me. They had the whole best friends for years before being lovers story. It seemed perfect.

But even Kenji and Darian had their issues. They'd endured a lot to get together and to stay together, but here they were. Engaged.

It could work. Even if it was difficult. Even if there was some heartbreak. It could work in the end. I just had to try. Give it a shot. I needed to leave.

With that, I grabbed my coat and cell before heading for the door. "Where're you headed?" Kenji asked, and I turned around.

"I need to go somewhere I should have gone a long time ago."

With that, I walked out the door, not saying more. I had to do this. The adrenaline was pumping, and this could end well or badly, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. We deserved another chance. Things weren't perfect, but if Kenji and Darian could overcome their obstacles, then so could we.

I was taking my leap of faith.

It didn't take long for me to reach Gyan's flat, and I raced up the stairs, banging on the door. It wasn't long before he opened the door, his eyes expanding at the sight of me. "Gabriel." I pushed past him, and he closed the door before facing me. We stared at each other, taking the other in. It looked like he wasn't sleeping as much, but he was still handsome. "What happened to staying away?" he said.

"Do you not want me here?"

"That's not it," he said. "Trust me. I just want to do what makes you happy."

"Not being with you doesn't make me happy," I confessed. "I thought I had to stay away."

An intense look crossed his features. "What about now?"

It took me some time, but I moved closer, holding his gaze. "Do you want me?"

"You should know the answer to that."

"I want you to say it," I said. "Do you want me?"

"Yes," he answered, without hesitation, "always have, even when I told myself I was pissed at you. Even when I tried pushing you away."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, playing with his hair. "Are you ready to get close? To let me in completely?"

He grabbed me, pressing me flushed to his body. "Yes," he whispered in my ear. I almost melted in his arms. "You can get as close as you want."

I pulled back to look at him. "I don't want to be like your mistress. I don't want you marrying Anushka. I told myself those reasons were enough to walk away." I brought his forehead to mine. "But it's not. I don't know how this is going to work." Our eyes met once more. "I don't know what's going to happen with Anushka or what's going to happen with us, but we have to try. This can't be it."

I could end up regretting this, but I couldn't walk away. I wanted my own happy ending like Kenji and Darian. I wanted it with Gyan, even if we had to go through hell. I could endure all of it as long as he was by my side.

Gyan smiled. "You wanna be with me?" I nodded. "Despite everything?"

"I accept all of it," I said with my lips on his cheeks. "We'll find a way." His head rested on my shoulder. "It's going to work out."

It had to. I couldn't give up Gyan, even if it killed me on the inside.

"I'll face anything for you, Gabriel," he said against my neck. "I'm going to fight for you. I'll fight for us. We'll figure it out." He lifted his head up to look at me, grabbing my hand to intertwine our fingers. "We'll be okay."

I pulled him into a hug with my heart pounding in my chest. My anxiety was higher than normal, but I was safe in his arms. Gyan made me look at him and he brought his lips to mine. That was all the confirmation I needed to know I was making the right choice.

You deserve what you put up with.

I couldn't agree more. I deserved Gyan.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

* What do you guys think? Kenji and Darian's engagement? Gyan and Gabriel's reconciliation?

* Some people may or may not be happy that Kenji and Darian are back together. Some may never want them back together. All I have to say is, I'll be a dumbass to permanently break up Kenji and Darian. Because breaking them up for good will mean that Loving a Goon will be useless and a waste of time. Why would I make my original story useless and a waste of time? Especially when I worked my ass off for that story, it took two years and it's more than 300k words. My boys are sticking together, and that's all I have to say about that. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.