"Nila?" My sister stood in my doorway with a small smile on her lips. "What are you doing here?"

I opened the door wider for her to walk in. "I have wine." She lifted the bottle before flashing me the pack of beer. "And beer."

I didn't have to be told twice, so I grabbed some glasses, and we sat on my couch. I had some beer first while Nila sipped on the wine. "Why are you here?" She sent me a look. "Not that I'm not happy to have you here, but it's unexpected."

"I need an excuse to get out of the house," she said. "Ishaan is pissing me off." She leaned back on the couch. "Honestly, you're the only one who knows about the affair, and I'll rather keep it that way."

I placed my beer on the table in front of us, and I leaned forward on my knees. "What's going on, by the way? How long have you known?"

"Some time now," she said. "All the signs were there. Staying out late. Being secretive with his phone. Pulling away from me. It doesn't take a detective to know."

"Is he aware that you know?"

"I don't know," she said, "but he hasn't acted like he cares."

I drank some of my beer. "Why're you still with him? He's a lying cheat. You deserve better than that."

"It's not that simple," she said.

"Yes, it is," I countered. "You're beautiful and successful. You can find someone else in a heartbeat."

"I don't want to ruin my family."

"He's the one ruining your family," I told her. "You leaving for your sanity isn't selfish."

"I can't do this to the kids."

"They'll understand," I said. "If not now, then later. They won't hate you for this. They may be better off than you staying in this loveless marriage."

"I love Ishaan."

"If he truly loved you, he'll respect you and your marriage enough not to cheat."

"You don't get it, Gyan." She poured herself more wine. "It's so easy for you to say these things because you're not in my shoes. This is humiliating. Imagine the family and outsiders knowing that Ishaan is cheating on me. I'll be made into a fool."

I would rebut that and say Ishaan would look like the bad one, but I knew better. Nila would also receive backlash, even though she was the victim. It was fucked up.

"Staying in an unhappy marriage makes you a fool."

She rolled her eyes. "Wow. Thanks."

"I didn't mean it like that," I said. "I'm just saying that ending it now will be for the better. You'll be happier that way, and people may talk for some time, but it won't be as bad as if people knew about the affair and realized that you're staying to save face."

"I can't," Nila said. "What you're saying makes sense, but I can't do it."

She reminded me of myself. My situation seemed quite simple. End my engagement with Anushka. Tell my father to fuck off with his company. Find Gabriel and be with him. Those were the things I was supposed to do, but I couldn't. Maybe it was me being balls-less or maybe it was for the better.

"How's the company?" Nila asked, changing the subject.

I shrugged. "You'll know better than me. You've been working there longer."

"Exactly," she said. "I'm used to it. I doubt you are."

"It's hard work," I said. "A lot is expected of me."

"You hate it."

"I hate it," I agreed before focusing on her. "Why do you want to own this company?"

"I've worked for this company for years," she said. "I watched it grow, and I want to continue to improve it. It's a part of my life, and I want the best for it."

"You should run it," I said, "not me. I just wish Papa wasn't so blind and sexist."

"Why do you hate it so much?"

"It's not me." I reached for a second can of beer. "Always being so serious and professional. All this pressure. I wake up in the morning dreading to go to work. The people aren't any better because they're all cutthroat. It's like they're waiting for me to fail, so they can have some board meeting to kick me out, so someone else can take over. It's a very hostile environment."

"It's even worse when you're a woman."

"I'm not surprised," I said. "It's hell being in a place where people are waiting for your downfall."

I couldn't do this for the rest of my life. I could never be happy this way. At the same time, I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't only worried about my father. If I didn't work at Appeto, where did I belong? Would I ever be able to find something else?

I sighed as I leaned back on the couch. "Life's tough."

Nila scoffed. "Trust me, our life is not tough. We have issues, but it could be way worse."

I had to remind myself of that sometimes. I had a tendency of thinking things were rough in my life, but my life was simple. Sure, I had many stressors, but I also had things many people didn't. Not only the necessities like food and clean water but also advantages. People like Gabriel had to work harder than I ever did for half the things I got.

Nila snickered. "You know what? The weird thing is that Papa loves us. He has a weird way of showing it, but he does."

My father wasn't a perfect man—far from it. However, he gave us the best he could. Sure, people said he favored me, but he still took care of all of us. The only thing that made me question that was the fact that he wasn't getting Alisha the treatment she needed. He wasn't trying to be malicious, but he didn't realize the harm he was causing.

"Working at Appeto isn't terrible," Nila said. "I'll rather work there than at the gas station."

"The gas station isn't that bad," I said. "I'll rather work there than at Appeto."

In an ideal world, I would run the gas station for now. Nila would be the heir to the company, and Alisha would get to work anywhere she wanted. But this wasn't an ideal world. We all had our personal hells to deal with.

Nila laughed. "I can't believe we're here complaining. First world problems."

"It's our reality," I said. "Just because we are privileged doesn't mean we can't complain about our problems."

She laughed harder. "You're a brat."

"No, I'm not."

She nodded. "Yes, you are, and you don't even know it. You create your own problems. Or the very least, you amplify them."

I didn't like being reminded of this. "I get it. I have to work on that."

"Not for the sake of other people," she said, "but for the sake of yourself. It's hard to be happy that way."

"Everyone talks about happiness," I said. "Like it's the most important thing. No one is always happy. Why are we judged for doing things that could make us unhappy? Especially, if those things benefit everyone?"

"Everyone but you."

"It's not always about me," I said. "You think I'm a brat, but there's more at stake than me."

"What is?" she asked. "What is at stake more than your happiness?"

Everything. My relationship with my father. My career path. My reputation. Gabriel. Many things were at stake, and I couldn't save them all.

"You don't get it."

"That's the thing," Nila said. "We don't get each other. Never have. Maybe, that's why we're not close."

"We could be." Our eyes met. "Nothing is stopping us from being close. You're my sister, regardless of what happens." She smiled. "I won't judge you for leaving Ishaan. I won't even judge you for staying with Ishaan, although, I personally think that's not what's best for you. People gotta live their lives. Just because I don't understand their reasoning doesn't mean they're wrong."

"That's very mature of you."

"I'm not a teenager," I said. "If you spent more time with me, maybe, you'll know this."

She chuckled. "You're right. Wanna try the wine next."

I grabbed a glass. "Yes, please."

We continued drinking and talking, and it was surprisingly easy to be around Nila. She wasn't glaring at me or making snarky remarks. She laughed, even being jovial as we talked about everything and anything.

When she left, I had an urge to make things right with all the people in my life. That included Gabriel. I knew I shouldn't have, but I drove over to Kenji's apartment, and Gabriel was hesitant at first, but he got into my Sequoia with me.

"This is so stupid," Gabriel said while we drove around. I headed for the outskirts of Shirley Heights. "Do you not understand the concept of breaking up?"

I snuck a glimpse at him. "Why'd you get in the car with me then?"

"That's why it's stupid," he said. "I'm stupid. It's like I can't get away from you."

"Why do we have to get away, at all?"

"You know why."

"I don't want to," I said. "I don't want to not be in your life just because we can't be together. Nila came to my apartment today. We drank and talked, and it was great. If things can look up for me and Nila, how much more me and you?"

"It's different."

"How so?"

He stared forward. "Nothing bad can happen with you and Nila getting close. Me and you, not so much."

"Why?"

He turned his body towards me. "I can't just be your friend, Gyan. What are we going to do when we're both married?" Catching glances of his expression hit me. This was really affecting him. "I don't know if I can confidently say that I won't cheat on my husband when it comes to you. You definitely won't have a problem doing that."

"You don't want to become my gay lover," I said. "I get it."

"I don't want an affair," he said. "I don't want to just be your gay lover. I want you all to myself, and I want people to know you're mine, and I'm yours. You can't give me that."

"We can try," I said. "Being friends."

He released an exasperated sigh. "Gyan."

"Let's try." We reached the outskirts by then, and there were no cars around. I parked the Sequoia, killing the engine and focusing on Gabriel. "Are you really ready to say goodbye?"

"I'm not," he confessed, "but we have to—for both our sanity."

I couldn't do it. I couldn't let go of Gabriel. I just got him back, and I couldn't do it again—not having him around. Those five years were long, and I didn't want any more time away from him. At least before, he was in another country. Now, he was in Shirley Heights. He would be so close, and I still wouldn't have him.

I rubbed my forehead. "Tell me about your day."

"No."

"Gabriel."

"I can't do this with you," he said, in a booming voice. "I know what you're trying to do."

"Small talk?"

"We shouldn't be talking at all," he said. "The best way to do this is to stay away from each other."

I watched him. "When did it change?"

"When did what change?"

I leaned towards him. "When did you change from wanting to be with me, wanting excuses to spend time with me to you pushing me away? When did we move from sharing all those wonderful moments to now, when we can't even be friends?"

"I don't know," he said, "but it happened." I grabbed him for a kiss, but he pulled away. "No. Stop."

My eyes stayed on him. "Gabriel, please."

"All you care about is sex and being physical."

I frowned. "That's bullshit." My voice came out loud. "If I did, I wouldn't be here right now. I won't be trying this hard. If you were like any of the other random hookups, you would have been yesterday's news a long time ago. Don't try to tell me what my intentions are."

"You're making this harder than it has to be."

"You say I don't fight for anything," I said. "I'm fighting now."

"No, you're not," he said. "Fighting includes doing something, no matter how hard or inconvenient it is. You're not doing that. You want to have your cake and eat it, too."

"You want me to call off the engagement."

"I want you to fight for yourself," he said, "not me or anyone else. I want you to pursue what's best for you, not what you think you're supposed to do."

"So, this is what you want?" I asked. "You want to end this for good and say goodbye?"

His expression wavered. "We need to say goodbye."

I wanted to scream. I wanted to say "no" and tell him that I wasn't giving up. That I wasn't ending years of our relationship. Then I looked at him, and it all hit me. I was being selfish. I did want to have my cake and eat it, too. I wanted to save face while having Gabriel on the side, but he deserved better than that. He deserved to marry someone he could have completely. I hated to admit it, but he deserved a guy like Enrique. I didn't want to say goodbye, but if it was better for Gabriel in the long run, I had to.

I nodded with my lips curled into my mouth. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," I said. "If you want to end it, we'll end it—for good."

"No more talking to each other," he said. "No more picking me up from the flat." My chest tightened, and I could barely speak. I nodded instead. "You mean it?"

"Yeah," I said, finding my voice. "If this will make you happier, I'll do it." Everything in me screamed at the fact that I was saying this. "You're not just sex to me. You're not some gay lover. You're so much more, and I'm sorry if I made you feel like anything less."

"There's no room for me in your life anymore," he said. "I guess we've outgrown each other."

I cleared my throat. "I guess."

"Can you take me back to the flat?"

It took me a couple seconds to respond. "Okay."

I brought the car to life, and we drove back to Kenji's apartment in silence. My mind was racing as it all hit me. I couldn't believe I was doing this. I couldn't believe Gabriel and I were ending like this. All the joy from Nila's visit was gone as I blinked away the heaviness in my eyes.

When we arrived at the apartment, Gabriel turned to me. "Thanks for the ride."

I stared ahead with a numb expression. "No problem."

"I wish things didn't have to end this way."

"It's what's best for you."

It killed me on the inside, but it was true. Me being out of Gabriel's life was best for him. It was one of the worst realizations that hit me. I couldn't cause him anymore pain. It was time I stopped being selfish.

He pulled me in to kiss me on the cheek. "I'll always care," he whispered into my ear, and he pulled back to hold eye contact with me. "That'll never change."

I smiled. "I've never not cared."

We stared at each other for a couple seconds before Gabriel opened the door and walked out. I watched him as he went until he was out of sight. I couldn't even be angry. I felt numb and cold.

I had him, and then I lost him. It was no one's fault but my own because I couldn't appreciate what I had. With Gabriel out of the picture, none of it mattered anymore. He was already gone. There was no reason for me to not go through with the wedding.

This was it for us.

Fuck happiness.

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* Now that Gyan and Gabriel are done, what do you think will happen?