Gyan and I hadn't spoken since he picked me up that time. He tried calling and texting, but I ignored him, knowing things were better this way. I focused my attention on work and Enrique. Enrique was a wonderful bloke, and he was simple. Gyan wasn't.

After work, Enrique was busy, so I decided to find my father and occupy myself that way. I'd been to his automobile shop before, so I made my way over. We'd been texting and calling, and we met up a couple more times after that initial meeting. Despite Ma's and Gyan's warnings, my father wasn't that bad. He said he was getting his life together, and he seemed to be doing just that.

However, as I approached the shop, my pace slowed down. There was a Latino man talking to him in the garage, and they stood really close together. My father handed him something that he quickly pocketed. Then he handed my father some cash. When my father's gaze shifted to me, he patted the man to leave. The Latino man passed by me, ignoring my stare.

"Gabriel." My father met me halfway, and we stood outside the garage. "What're you doing here?"

"Just wanted to say 'hi.'" I perked a brow. "What was that about?"

"What was what about?"

"That man," I said. "You guys were exchanging something."

He clasped a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry about it."

Something wasn't right. "What's going on here? I know what I saw."

My father frowned. "I said don't worry about it."

He moved into the garage, and I followed him. He stood in front of the table with his tools. "If it's not a big deal, why don't you tell me what it's about?"

He turned around, glaring at me. "Are you always this nosy?"

"I'm asking a simple question."

He moved forward. "Stop prying. That's how people get into messy situations they don't want to get into, and that's how people get hurt."

I watched him carefully. "You're doing something illegal." His expression faltered. "Are you selling drugs?" His jaw tightened, and my eyes went round. "You're selling drugs."

He walked away from me to sit on one of the benches. I was hot on his heels. "Gabriel, I don't have time for this."

"Gyan and Ma were right," I said. "You are sketchy."

He stood up. "What do you want me to say? Yes, Gabriel. I sell drugs."

"You have your garage," I said while motioning around me.

"Well, I need more to pay the bills," he said. "Sometimes it takes more than one source of income."

"Then get a job," I said. "Anywhere."

"You say it as if it's so easy."

"It is," I said. "You can't just make quick cash. You have to work for it."

"The American dream, right?" He snorted. "As if it's as simple as that. Being the smartest and working the hardest doesn't always mean you get the rags to riches story."

"So, you sell drugs instead?"

I was surprised by the judgment in my voice, but this was ridiculous. My father was a drug dealer. I'd imagined him to be a lot of things, but this wasn't one of them.

"I don't expect you to understand."

"You sell drugs to sketchy people," I said. "It's not that hard to understand."

"Me selling drugs has nothing to do with my parenting."

The anger bubbled. "Because you never did any parenting," I said. "You left. You didn't raise me and Angelica. Ma did. All by herself while you probably lived the bachelor's life. You wouldn't even talk to Angelica now, so don't talk to me about parenting."

"I'm trying to right my wrongs now," he said.

"After twenty-four years," I reminded him. "You weren't there to teach me how to shave. Or to engage in rough-and-tumble play. Or to teach me how to tie a tie. You weren't there for any of that. You're only my father because of blood. You've never acted like one."

He didn't say anything at first. "I know."

"No, you don't," I said while taking a step back. "I was so happy that you wanted to be in my life again, but this is all a disappointment. This doesn't erase all those years of you being gone, and now, I find out you're a drug dealer. I don't know you at all, and you don't know me."

"Let's change that."

"I don't know," I said. "It may lead to another disappointment."

I turned to walk away. "Gabriel, wait." He followed behind me, but I walked faster. "Gabriel!"

I put as much distance between us before I got an Uber. I went to Enrique's house since he was currently free. He played me his playlist, and it wasn't just Latin music but songs from various genres. I found out that he really liked Avicii and techno music. He even cooked me eel, telling me that Italians ate it for Christmas. Enrique knew a lot about Italy and Italian because he took Italian all throughout college, and he took French all throughout high school, continuing to take more classes in college.

By the time it was night, I asked Enrique to drop me off to Lilwater Park, and he hesitated, but he did anyway. When we arrived, I kissed him on the lips.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked when we pulled away. "It's kind of dark, and I don't like the idea of you walking alone."

"I can take care of myself," I reassured him. "I just need to clear my head, that's all."

"About your dad?"

I nodded, having told him about what I saw. "Tragic, isn't it?"

"Maybe you're being too hard on him," Enrique said. "I get it. Selling drugs isn't the ideal occupation, but you don't know his situation. Most people don't want to be drug dealers. It's all about circumstances."

"He's been disappointing me my whole life with his absence," I said. "Now, he's here, but it's no better."

"Parents are people."

"That's the thing," I said. "He's not a 'parent.' With him, it's just a title."

Enrique shrugged. "He's still your dad."

"Does that matter?" I asked. "Especially since he never acted like one?"

"Either you forgive him," Enrique said, "and put this behind you, or you let him go for good. You guys can never move forward if you keep holding this against him."

I released a heavy breath. "I guess we'll never move forward." I opened the car door. "Thanks for the lift." I kissed him one final time.

"Be careful," he said while I closed the door, and I waved, walking off.

It was a peaceful walk, and not many people were around. The darkness and sounds of nature engulfed me, and I reveled in it. I didn't have to think about my father or Gyan or anything else. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Then I reached the lake, and I saw clothes on the log. I should have kept going and minded my own business, but I got a closer look at the person in the water.

Gyan.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, capturing his attention. I walked towards the edge of the water. "Aren't you cold? Is this legal for you to be naked in a lake?"

Gyan swam towards me, and I made out a smile on his lips. "There's barely anyone out here."

"Why are you here?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Why are you swimming when it's this late?"

"Why are you walking when it's this late?"

I sighed. "There goes my relaxation."

Gyan emerged out of the water, and he was stark naked. I looked away with my jaw dropped. He stopped in front of me. "Stop acting as if you haven't seen everything."

I glanced around. "Someone could see. Put your clothes back on." Gyan grabbed my jacket, and he removed it from my body. "What are you doing?"

"Undressing you," he answered. "Swim with me."

My mind screamed "no," but I allowed him to undress me. "I shouldn't be here. We're broken up." Gyan discarded my clothes to join his. "Or as broken up as we can be since we never dated." I was naked now. "We could go to jail for this. Public indecency."

Gyan pressed a finger to my lips. "Shhh. Stop overthinking. Let's go."

He led me into the water, and my heart hammered in my chest as I continued to look around. Please, no one should show up. When the chilly water touched my skin, I jerked. "This is a terrible idea."

Gyan pulled me completely into the water, and I yelped, making him clasp a hand over my mouth. He shushed me some more, and I allowed myself to adjust to the temperature. He removed his hand, and we stayed in the water, staring at each other.

"Seriously, why are you here?"

"Frustrated," he replied. "As you know, swimming helps. I haven't done it in a while."

"Those are your coping mechanisms," I said. "Swimming. Chess. Working out. Reading a book."

He sent me a crooked smile. "You know me so well."

"I know you have a lot on your plate," I said as he started to swim around me, "but you're not making it easy on yourself."

He was behind me, so I turned around. "I know," he said. "I'm my own worst enemy."

"I think that applies to a lot of people."

He swam past me. "Let's race."       

I followed behind him. "Gyan."

"Ready?" We were next to each other. "Let's go!"

He took off, and I was hot on his tail. Well, for a few seconds. In no time, he was way ahead of me, and after some time, I stopped. "Okay, you win." He stopped and swam back to me. "That's not fair. You're an athletic swimmer. Of course, you'll win."

"I'm bigger now than I was in college," he said. "That's slowed me down. You're smaller, so you have an edge."

"I guess." We faced each other. "Do you know why I'm here?" He shook his head. "I found out my dad's a drug dealer." His eyes widened. "Yeah. Didn't see that coming."

"What're you going to do?"

"What can I do?" I said. "You and Ma were right."

Gyan winced in thought. "Well, I was referring to his intentions with you," he said. "Not what he does in his free time."

"So, it's okay to sell drugs?"

"Not what I'm saying," he said. "It's just that I'll rather have him sell drugs than to have an ulterior motive with you. Selling drugs doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone's situation is different."

"You sound like Enrique." He wrinkled his nose. "Don't do that."

He avoided my gaze. "So, you're still seeing him?"

I cleared my throat. "Can we not talk about Enrique?"

He finally looked at me. "Obviously, he's important in your life."

"I'm not marrying the bloke."

"Not yet," he said under his breath. "You're going to marry someone one day." He released a shaky breath. "And this is all I'll have." He looked at me with a sad smile. "All I'll have is college and the few months you've been back." I moved closer. "You won't be my Gabriel anymore." He chuckled. "Remember what I used to say about your name?"

I grinned. "You said my name was fitting because I was like an angel that saved you. Corny as hell, but sweet."

His hand moved to the side of my neck. "You always brought out the best in me. You always gave me the strength to be my true self."

"I guess it's not enough."

Both his hands were in my hair now. "Our college memories are great, but I want more." I wrapped my arms around him. "I don't want this to be it."

I pulled him into a hug, and we held onto each other. "You'll always be important to me, Gyan, even if we don't end up together." He buried his face into my neck. "I just want what's best for you."

We pulled away. "I don't know what to do," he said. "I'm between a rock and a fucking hard place. I brought this all on myself. I'm the one who agreed to marry Anushka." His expression crumbled. "That was before you came. Everything would be a little more bearable if I had you. Working at the company. My dad. All of it."

"We can't get married."

"We could have," he said with his eyes lighting up. "We could have eloped or something, and only friends will know."

I arched a brow. "So, you'll be okay with your family thinking you're going to be single for the rest of your life?"

His hopeful expression was gone. "I don't know." He ran a hand through his hair. "That's the thing. Being around you gives me hope. Hope I can't afford to feel because it's not going to go anywhere. My fate is sealed, and there's no way around this. Me thinking it's going to be any different is only going to cause more harm than good."

"It doesn't matter how things end up, I'll always care about you," I said. "You'll always be someone who was significant in my life."

"Was," he said. "Past tense."

"Gyan, c'mon," I said. "We can never be just friends. It'll never work out."

"So, it's either more or nothing at all?"

With a heavy heart, I said, "Yeah, but we'll always have our memories. I can't—"

He crushed his lips to mine, silencing me. I reciprocated before the thought processed through my mind as his hand embedded into my hair while the other cupped my neck. My hands stayed on his back, digging the tips of my fingers into his skin. Gyan kissed me as if I was going to disappear, bringing his lips to mine after a second of reprieve. I should have stopped because of Enrique. Because this was going to make it harder, but I couldn't pull away.

He was everything I wanted and needed.

When we parted, he panted against my cheek. "I don't want you with Enrique." I held onto him tighter. "I don't want you with anyone else." He pulled back to look into my eyes. "It's selfish of me, but you're my Gabriel." He smiled. "My angel."

I brushed his hair from his forehead. "An angel can't save you." I met his gaze. "Only you can."

He was kissing me again, gentler and slower this time. I ran my hands up and down his chest and abdomen, feeling the hairs on his skin. He brushed his thumb along my jaw as his lips continued to follow mine.

No.

We couldn't keep doing this.

"Stop," I said while pulling away, but he peppered kisses down my neck. "I said 'stop.'"

I pushed him away, and he watched me with confusion on his face. "What's wrong?"

"Everything." I swam for land.

"Gabriel." He was behind me, and I grabbed my clothes once I reached land. I began to put them on. "What's going on?"

"This is a vicious cycle," I said. "You keep pulling me in, and it's exhausting. I need to focus on Enrique, and you need to focus on Anushka." I was fully clothed while he stood naked before me. "You should probably get dressed."

He grabbed my wrist before I could turn to leave. "I'm not looking forward to the day you get over me," he said, "but I know you'll be happier when that day comes." The heaviness settled into my eyes. "No." He caressed my cheek. "Don't do that. Don't cry."

I removed myself from his grasp. "I have to go."

I turned and walked away, and he let me. He didn't run after me or shout my name. The disappointment from earlier sunk in, for different reasons. He was wrong.

I could never "get over" him. All I could do was move on. How long that took? I was still waiting for that day.

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