"You're fucking stupid, Gyan," Arya yelled as she paced in my living room while I sat on my couch with my limbs spread out. She stopped in front of me with a frown. "Why would you agree to an arranged marriage? Worst of all, to a woman."

I stood up, and we faced each other. "What's wrong with that?"

She narrowed her eyes. "I don't know. Maybe it's because you're gay?!" I turned for the kitchen, needing some water. Arya followed. "What Americanized Indian has arranged marriages, anyway?"

I grabbed the bottle and drank half of it. When I brought the bottle down from my lips, I turned to my fuming cousin. "You'll be surprised."

Arya's shoulders sagged as her expression crumbled. "Don't do this, Gyan."

"Why are you acting so shocked?" I returned to the living room, and Arya and I sat down. "I told you I was going to marry an Indian woman, have some kids, with a gay lover or two on the side."

"You were serious about that?"

"Did I look like I was joking?"

I was getting bored of this conversation.

"What if you fall in love with someone?" she asked. "And you can't be with them because you're married to a woman."

"That won't happen," I said.

The worst mistake I ever made was falling in love. I didn't plan on doing it again.

"You never know," Arya said. "The love of your life could walk in here right now."

"I doubt that," I said.

I stopped my thoughts from drifting to a certain Colombian man. He didn't deserve a place in my mind. He was gone, and he was never coming back.

I was marrying Anushka Kumar in a couple of months, and no one was going to get in the way of that.

"If I come out, my father will disown me," I reminded her.

She brushed me aside. "Don't be dramatic."

Arya was the only person in my family who knew I was gay, and I planned on keeping it that way.

"Not everyone has your dad."

Varun-ji was more open-minded, and he accepted Arya's sexuality.

My father, on the other hand, would never accept his only son being gay, especially since it was my responsibility to carry the Gupta name and with me being the heir to the family business. A lot was resting on my shoulders, and I couldn't fuck it up.

Waiting for some casual hookup to turn into something more wasn't worth it.

"It's best this way," I told her. "I'm never going to marry another man, so what's the point in waiting? If I wait too long, my family will get suspicious."

Arya deadpanned. "You're twenty-six. You have plenty of time."

"It doesn't matter if I get married now or later, it'll all be the same."

"Loveless," Arya said. "It'll all be loveless."

"Why are people obsessed with love in the first place?" I turned my body towards her. "Everyone acts like you need to fall in love to be happy. I call bullshit. You can have close relationships that aren't romantic. Anushka and I could become great friends."

"Would she know about your extra-curriculars outside of your marriage?"

I shrugged. "If she's cool with it, awesome. If not, oh well. It's not going to stop me from fucking whoever I want."

"This isn't fair." She got up to walk to the kitchen. "Not to you or Anushka."

"Not everyone is out and proud like you, Arya," I said.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't come out as gay like Arya did.

She returned to the living room with a bottle of water. She sat down and turned to me. "Do you think it was easy for me to come out? Do you think it was easy for me to introduce Priyanka to our family? Not everyone was as accepting as my dad. They still talk shit about me." She drank some water before continuing. "For the longest time, I rejected my sexuality. Just because I was attracted to men, I told myself I was straight."

Arya's sexuality was weird. She was sexually attracted to both men and women, but she only loved women. She'd never fallen in love with, been infatuated with or even had a crush on a guy. No wonder she identified as "queer" instead of something specific.

Sometimes, I wished I didn't have the ability to love men either.

"It's hard," she continued, "but now that I'm out, I never want to go back."

"Maybe I could have an open marriage, like you and Priyanka have an open relationship."

Arya loved her girlfriend Priyanka, and they were so secure in their love for each other that they allowed each other to fuck other people. Priyanka had two side pieces, and Arya had Aaron, her friend she had known for more than five years. Whenever he was taken, they were strictly platonic, but when he was single, they went at it. He was currently single and was coming back from the Air Force, so I knew she must have been excited. Honestly, that seemed like a sweet deal to me.

"That's different," Arya said. "I actually love Priyanka. You don't love Anushka."

I didn't have time to be worrying about trivial details. Arya was worrying over nothing.

"Honestly," I said, "as long as I have a pretty face beneath me every night, who cares what my dick is in?"

"So, you're okay with fucking a woman for the rest of your life?"

"Patience," I told her. "I'll just wait for that dry spell, that's inevitable after being with someone long enough."

Arya rolled her eyes. "I give up. You can't be talked out of this."

I didn't know why Arya was so against this. It made perfect sense. I needed a beard, so my family wouldn't get suspicious, and I was only interested in men for sex. This engagement took care of both of those things.

"Well," Arya said while standing up, "I need to go home, freshen up and meet up with my friends."             

After leaving her Bharatanatyam lesson, she came straight here after hearing the news. Then it hit me. "Why do you dance Bharatanatyam?" I asked her. "We're not from south India."

Arya examined her nails. "Why are you marrying a woman? You're not straight." She looked up at me. "There are a lot of questions that could be asked. Now, can you give me a lift? I took an Uber here."

She grabbed her things while I grabbed my keys. "Meeting up with Kenji, Darian and the others?"

As we walked out the door, Arya glanced my way. "The 'others' have a name, you know."

I locked my apartment before we made our way to my silver Sequoia. "Honoka, your roommate?" Arya nodded. "Clay and Alissa."

"You got it," she said as we entered the car.

I dropped Arya off at her and Honoka's apartment before heading back to my place. As soon as I got home, I received a text.

He texted again, but I ignored it. I didn't understand why everyone was freaking out. It wasn't like I told them I was going to die. They were all expecting me to fall in love and marry a guy, but that was never going to happen. I'd accepted that. They needed to as well.

Then I got a call. It wasn't a number in my contacts, but it looked familiar. I picked up. "Hello?" I answered.

The person took a couple seconds before speaking. "Hey, Gyan."

The blood almost drained from my body. I knew that voice all too well, and I suddenly didn't know how to speak.

"Gabriel?" I said once I found my voice.

It couldn't be.

"Yeah," he said with a chuckle. "It's me."

I wiped my mouth, not knowing what else to say. Five years. It'd been five years, and not once did he reach out to me.

"Want to meet up?" he asked. "I'm in Shirley Heights, and we need to talk."

I frowned. "About?"

I didn't know if I was excited or pissed. I told myself not to, but I'd been waiting for this moment since we had broken up. Then he never came back or called me. I'd finally reached a point where I gave up. I was letting him go for good.

Then he called me.

"I'll let you know once we meet up," he said, and that was when I noticed his voice. A voice I hadn't heard in so long.

He didn't deserve to meet up with me. I was supposed to hang up and never talk to him again—do exactly what he did to me. I had even deleted his number, but he obviously still had mine.

Against my better judgment, I said, "Okay. Where do you wanna meet?"

I was pissed at myself for giving in and for wanting to see him.

"Shirley Shakes?" he said. "I haven't been there in forever."

In college, I always took him there. Gabriel and I went to a college out of state, but we were both from Shirley Heights. Whenever we came back on breaks, Gabriel and I would continue to see each other, and I always took him to Shirley Shakes. He loved the burgers with the onions lightly sautéed and some water to go with it. He didn't like soda because he said he didn't like the taste.

There were a lot of things other people liked that Gabriel didn't.

"Okay," I answered again, despite what my mind told me. "See you in twenty?"

"Yeah," he said, the smile evident in his voice. "See you soon."

I hung up, staring forward with my phone clutched in my hand. "Fuck," I cursed under my breath.

What did I just do?

I shouldn't have rushed to get ready, putting on new clothes and spraying cologne on myself. I shouldn't have been nervous as I walked out of my apartment. There was nothing to be nervous about. It was Gabriel.

The same Gabriel who I loved and hated at the same time.

Then I stopped myself. I didn't love him—not anymore. I couldn't love him. He didn't deserve my love, and I couldn't love anymore.

I took in multiple breaths as I drove to Shirley Shakes. I was still in disbelief that he was back, until I caught sight of him. I stopped. He was glancing around as he sat at one of the tables at the center of Shirley Shakes. He wasn't as skinny anymore, and his hair grew longer. His features were more defined as he looked more like a man than a boy.

I willed my legs to move forward, but they couldn't. When his eyes landed on me, he smiled, and I had no other option but to step forward. I made my way to his table with cautious steps as we maintained eye contact. When I sat down, I couldn't take my eyes off him, and he couldn't either.

"You're back," I mustered the courage to say. "Are you back?"

Or was he visiting? I didn't understand why a part of me felt disappointed at the thought.

"I'm back," he said, and relief washed over me. "Trying to adjust to culture shock."

He was in Australia for five years, and now he was acting as if Shirley Heights was never his home. Then it hit me.

He was gone for five years. "Why're you back?" I asked.

He averted his gaze. "It's a long story."

I leaned back in the seat, making myself comfortable. "Why am I here then?"

"You're one of the few people I know here," he said. "Plus, it's not like we're strangers."

        Strangers didn't have long conversations on anything and everything while laying in a hammock, falling over twice. Strangers didn't bring me soup before every swim meet to "warm me up" for good luck. Strangers didn't sneak into each other's dorm for a night of pleasure and long pillow talks.

I cleared my throat. "We might as well be." Hurt flashed over his features. "You don't know me. I don't know you. Not anymore."

I kept my expression firm while he stared at me with a look that made me want to break, but I wasn't going to. After what he did, I wasn't letting him off the hook that easily.

"Why don't we order food? Then we can catch up." His gaze moved to the menu. "What're you getting?" He looked up at me.

"I'm not getting anything," I said. "I don't plan on staying here long."

"Oh," he said with that expression returning. "Well, then. I'll be back." He stood up with a small smile directed at me before he made his way to the front.

I ran my hand through my hair, not knowing what to do. Why was he back? I was just moving on, and he had to come back. When he returned to the table, he had a burger and some water. He still liked that. As he began eating, that was when I noticed his skin. It was tanner.

When his eyes lifted to mine, I looked away. "Why did you want to meet up, Gabriel?"

He put his burger aside and finished chewing. "It's complicated."

"I'm here, aren't I?" I said. "Tell me or I'm leaving."

"Okay," he said with a sheepish look. "I don't have a place to stay."

He couldn't be serious.

"I was supposed to stay with Angelica, but she didn't tell her roommate that I'm a man," he said. "And her roommate doesn't feel comfortable living with a man. So, I can't live with Angelica. I've been staying in some motel, but it's rough when I don't have a job yet, and I just moved back from a different country. You and Angelica are the only people I know in Shirley Heights."

"You want to live with me," I stated, matter-of-fact.

He hid his gaze. "Yes," he said before looking up. "I know it's a lot to ask."

I leaned back with my legs parted. "Yeah, it is. Is that the only reason you contacted me? If you had a place to stay right now, would you have called me?" He said nothing, and I chuckled, but it was strained. "Thought so."

"Gyan," he said, grabbing my hand as I stood up. "It's not what you think."

"Is it not?" I said. "You leave, for five years, and you don't contact me once. Then you come back, and you only call to meet up, so you can stay with me."

"It's complicated," he said.

"Stop saying that." I freed myself of his hold, and I pushed the chair in. "It doesn't seem very complicated to me."

Once again, I didn't mean shit to him. I was just there for his convenience, who he could discard at any moment. It happened once, and I wasn't letting it happen again.

Gabriel stood up. "Gyan, can you please just listen to me?"

I shook my head. "No. I can't do this with you again." I was in a good place. Everything was easy, and it made sense. "I wish you good luck on finding a place to stay, but it's not going to be with me."

I turned around and began to walk away. "Gyan," he said, drawing some attention to himself. "Gyan!"

I ignored his voice, and I ignored the part of me that wanted to go back to him and take him in. I was done. I couldn't let him pull me back in. Living with him was too risky. There were certain things I didn't want anything to do with.

My old feelings for Gabriel was one of them.

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* What do you guys think about Gyan's  arrangement? His reaction to Gabriel? What would happen to Gabriel?

* I'm really getting a feel of this story, and I'm obsessed with writing it. Which means frequent updates!