"What's up, stranger?" Arya greeted from across the line. "Haven't heard from you in a minute."

"You know that's what happens when Aaron comes into town."

I hadn't spoken to Arya in quite some time, and it was no coincidence that Aaron was back. Arya always took advantage of him being back from deployment.

"Stop," she said. "I'm making time for you now, and I've heard quite a bit about you and Gabriel."

Arya never knew about Gabriel while we were together, but she heard a lot those five years we were apart.

"From Darian?" I asked.

"And Kenji."

This was one of the downsides about knowing multiple people who also knew each other—news spread.

"What have they said about me and Gabriel?" I asked, my interest piqued.

"Different things," she said. "Darian talks about your stupidity, and Kenji talks about Gabriel's frustrations."

So, he was frustrated?

Gabriel and I were in a better place. We weren't arguing. We got along as roommates. Our physical moments felt great. At the same time, every time I was with him, a wave of nostalgia would hit me. I would be flooded with memories of simpler/calmer times. I thought things were great, but I wasn't sure how Gabriel felt.

During the moment, he seemed fine, and he seemed to enjoy it just as much as I did. However, the aftermath was different. There would be this shift in his attitude and mood. A shift I couldn't fully grasp.

"You and Gabriel have an interesting story," Arya said. "With all the drama and feels. This situation is going to be a hot mess."

"Not necessarily," I said. "We're having fun. Things are fucking complicated, but Gabriel and I together un-complicates them."

"That's a lie."

"How?"

"You and Gabriel make it even more complicated," Arya said. "Gyan, you're about to marry some chick in a couple months. Do you really think fucking your college sweetheart is going to un-complicate it?"

If she put it like that...?

"We're not fucking."

If I could hear her roll her eyes, I would have. "Just because it doesn't involve a penis penetrating doesn't mean it isn't sex. You two are hooking up. Gyan, think. Do you really think you and Gabriel are happy this way?"

How the hell was I supposed to know? Getting my dick sucked was great. Having it be Gabriel made it even better. I didn't know how much the latter fact mattered. A part of me told myself that it didn't, but I wasn't sure.

"What does Gabriel want?" she asked

"I don't know."

"Do you know anything?"

"I'm not sure, Arya," I said, my voice increasing. "Damn. Gabriel and I have a good thing going on. Let's leave it at that."

"That's the thing," she said. "You have a good thing going on. I don't want you to fuck it up because you're thinking with your dick. Gabriel may put up with your shit for now, but he doesn't have to forever. I don't want you to push him away by not giving him what he wants."

"How am I supposed to know what he wants?"

"Ask him," she said. "Talk to him. There's more to Gabriel Acosta than what lies between his legs."

"I know," I said.

I could fuck anyone. They didn't have to be attractive. They didn't have to be intelligent or even a good person. They just needed a clean, functioning dick and ass. Gabriel was more than that. Yes, we had history, and yes, I cared about him, but that didn't mean we had to be together like we were before. It didn't mean we could be together like we were before.

"Enough about Gabriel." I walked to the kitchen for some orange juice. "How's Priyanka?"

"She's good," Arya said. "I had dinner with her parents. They're cool, as always."

When I got myself a glass, I made it back to the living room couch. "That must be nice."

"What?"

"Having parents who support you," I said. "You have Varun-ji, and Priyanka has her parents. Yeah, the rest of the families may not be as accepting but fuck them. The people who matter most stand by you. You're lucky."

"I am." I could hear the smile in her voice. "I wish you could have the same thing, too, Gyan." I sighed. "I don't want you to spend the rest of your life in the closet without your family knowing who you are."

"Do I need to be out for them to know me?"

"No," she admitted, "but do you feel like they know you?" I said nothing. "Guess not. You deserve more than you have now."

"Things weren't always peachy for you, Arya," I reminded her. "But you made it."

Arya went through multiple rough patches. She dealt with the loss of loved ones, hardships with her friends, and of course, the Aarav situation. I didn't want to think about that son of a bitch.

"I did make it," she said, "and you will, too."

We continued talking, and she told me more about what Kenji and Darian said. I couldn't even be mad at Darian for thinking I was an idiot. He didn't get it. I didn't even think Gabriel did. I didn't think about it before, but maybe Gabriel and I weren't on the same page like I thought.

Because of that, when Gabriel walked through the door that evening, I stood up. "Let's go." I grabbed his arm before he could remove his coat. "Let's go out." I grabbed my things before leading the way out the door.

"Out?" he asked while trailing behind me as we made it to my Sequoia. "Where?"

I opened his door for him with a smile. "Anywhere."

With that, he entered the car, and we began to drive around. We stopped by a nearby steakhouse and got some Philly cheesesteak with a bottled Pepsi for me and a bottle of water for him. I drove us to Lilwater Park, and we walked along the trail with our food and drinks in hand.

"Gyan," he said while walking near me, "where're we going?"

"We're here." I stopped near the side of the lake, and I sat down, patting a spot beside me. "Join me." He sat down, and I took out my food. Before I could bite into my cheesesteak, I noticed his stare. "What?"

He rose a brow. "I come home from work. You take me to a steakhouse and get us Philly cheesesteaks. Then you bring us to a park to eat by a lake?" I nodded. "Why? And don't say 'why not?'"

I shrugged. "It's nice. Being around nature. Eating good food." I nudged him. "Being around you."

He continued to watch me. "You're avoiding things again."

I took a bite from my sandwich. "What do you mean?"

He took out his food. "You like the idea of distancing yourself from reality. You don't like to think about Anushka or the company or your father. You like to focus on 'the moment,' and eating Philly cheesesteaks at lakes. Because when you do that, you don't have to face what's out there."

I chuckled. "Congrats, Dr. Phil."

He looked around at the still water and the thudding footsteps of other park walkers passing by. "This is nice, but it isn't real."

He looked at me, and I frowned at him. "How do you know?"

He held my stare. "If it was, you wouldn't be this comfortable."

I put my food down. "Maybe I'm comfortable because it is real." I turned to face him. "It's real because it's with you, Gabriel."

"Gyan..."

"When I'm with you, that's the only time it feels real," I said, not knowing where this sudden outburst was coming from. "I always say that my family is fake. They put up this façade and pretend everything is dandy, like we're all perfect. No one outside our immediate family knows about Alisha's suicide attempt, other than me telling Arya. My parents wanted to spare us the shame."

"Alisha is priority."

"She should be," I said, "but no one cares. Then there's Nila. Ishaan is cheating on her." Gabriel's eyes widened. "But she's acting like it's nothing new. Like it happens every fucking day."

Nila refused to talk to me about Ishaan, even when I tried talking to her again. I bet Nila was keeping Ishaan's affair a secret due to this same "shame."

Gabriel looked ahead. "Sometimes, you know you deserve better, but it's harder to go after it." He glanced down at his food in his lap. "Trust me. I know." He looked up. "You should know, too."

"Don't say I 'deserve better.'"

"You do."

I groaned. "Everyone keeps saying that."

"It's true," he retorted. "This situation with your family has only gotten worse since college. At least before, you felt like you had some choices. Now, you seem hopeless."

There was hope, and that was the scary part.

"Every family has its issues," he said. "Hell, it took my father over twenty years to reach out to his son. We all have our family horror stories, but if yours makes you this unhappy, something has to change."

"I'm fake, too," I said, and Gabriel seemed taken aback. "I bitch about my family, but I don't fall far from the tree."

"What do you mean?"

"With me, I don't know what's real and what's fake." Our food was long forgotten. "I don't know what I want. I don't know how I feel. I don't know what I'm supposed to fight for."

Even when it came to him, I wasn't sure. If there was anything that was supposed to be clear, it should have been my relationship and my feelings towards Gabriel.

"You do," he countered. "You know those things. You're just fighting them."

"Most people don't even know me," I said. "I put up this façade, too. I don't know if the Gyan people see is who I really am."

Did people like Arya and Darian know me? Or was I fooling myself and them?

"I know you," Gabriel said. "I knew you, and I'll get to know you more."

"I don't want to be like my family, but I don't know if I'm any better."

Maybe, we were all the same. We were all contributing to the family dynamic.

We didn't utter a word, choosing to resume eating instead. We did this for about a minute. "I may not be in your exact shoes," Gabriel said after some silence, "but I do know what it's like to end up being a person you don't want to be."

"Why would you say that?" He had my complete attention. "There's nothing wrong with the person you are."

"But I know what it's like to be unhappy with who you are."

"I like who you are."

"I don't," he blurted out, and it got quiet. "I know what it's like to be disappointed. To envision a life for yourself and not get it."

That was the thing. I had given up on envisioning this grand life for myself. Maybe that was the saddest part—the lack of vision.

"I was valedictorian in high school," Gabriel said. "I was in leadership positions for all the clubs I was a part of. I volunteered, and I even got the academic scholarship. I did everything right, and then college came. Long gone were the days of straight A's and being accepted into everything I applied to."

"You did well in college."

He looked at me. "At Harley Falls, I was average. I moved from being the big fish in a small pond to being the small fish in a big pond. But back then, I was still good enough to get that internship at the law firm. Then that was a bust." He chuckled with no ounce of humor. "I don't even want to be a lawyer anymore. What was the point of going across the world, leaving behind my life? Leaving you behind?" We paused, holding each other's gaze. "It was for nothing. Now, look at me." He put a piece of bread in his mouth. "Mr. Valedictorian works at an art gallery after being fired from his previous job. I have nothing to show for all those years of hard work. What's the point of once being a big fish if you're going to spend the rest of your life being a small one?"

His gaze dropped to his food, but he held my attention. "I didn't know you felt this way."

Gabriel was always so assured of himself. He could be overly anxious about certain things, but he had goals and he pursued them. He was always involved in something, and Gabriel was brilliant. It seemed strange for a man like him to be expressing these insecurities.

He nodded. "It started in college. It only gets worse as time passes. I'm not homeless or jobless anymore, but I'm not that fancy lawyer or that prestigious doctor or that successful businessman."

"There's more to success than that."

Me taking over Appeto would lead to me being that "successful businessman," but it wasn't all it was cut out to be. Dreading the idea of going to work every morning wasn't worth it.

"I know there is," he said, "but it's something. It's something that reminds me that it was all worth it. All the late nights and stress and all of my mother's sacrifices." He sent me a sad smile. "That's the worst part. I feel like I disappointed my mom. She would never say it, but she gave up so much for me. So, I could make something of myself, but I haven't. I'm not going to be that success story of the man who made it from rags to riches, or the one who would allow her to retire comfortably after a life of hardships."

He ran his hand through his hair with a sigh. "Gabriel." I reached for his hand, and he held mine back. "There's nothing wrong with you. Your mother is proud of you. I'm proud of you."

"I'm not proud of myself." His eyes softened. "I wish I was better."

"I wish I was better, too."

"You're fine, Gyan," he said. "You need to realize that. There's nothing wrong with you. You're lovable. You're intelligent. It's okay for people to see past the laid-back guy who's going to own Appeto. It's okay for you to get what you want and for your family to see the you that you want them to see. You're okay." He smiled. "I've seen you, and you're amazing."

Gabriel had seen me, and that was what made everything different with him. He was familiar but uncharted territory. He was a reminder of the past and a hope for the future. He was exactly what I needed, and I could have him all I wanted when I had Philly cheesesteaks near lakes at Lilwater Park. This wasn't guaranteed in the real world.

"You said you were average in college," I started, "but you weren't to me. You were something new and incredible, and you were one of the best parts about college." He was about to release my hand, but I held on. "I know things are a little hazy with us, but I'll never want to lose you again."

He swallowed. "Things could be better."

I put my food to the side. "They could be, but we can make this work. I don't know what this is, but I need it."

"You don't need me," he said.

"I need someone who sees me," I clarified. "Someone who's willing to, and I don't know anyone who's more willing than you."

He didn't answer immediately. "Does that make me desperate?"

I shook my head. "No," I answered. "You have enough hope for the both of us."

He only looked at me. It was dark, and I could barely make out his figure, but his eyes stood out to me. They were wide and inviting, but with a hint of caution. His palms caressed mine, and I didn't need his words to solidify what I knew.

Gabriel gave up on us before, but at the moment, he was the one holding us together. He could also break us apart. With that thought, I held on tighter.

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* This chapter leads and alludes to the next. What do you guys think will happen?

* Sorry for the long wait. Last week was hell for me. It's the end of the semester and things are due and finals are happening. It's a lot. Luckily, my life gets easier after today, meaning I can write regularly again.

* Also, thanks for 1K reads! 😊