and i was left alone again
standing there in the world of white
wearing the glistening red river that came from the cuts of the pieces you left behind. --c.e
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"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Aj asks as she puts her hair in a pony tail. I shake my head no as I change the channel on the tv.

"Come on, Las Vegas is such a cool place. Dean and I are going to explore." She says, "No thank you. I appreciate y'all inviting me and all but I'll rather stay here. We were on the bus for hours and I'll rather lay down."

Truth is I would totally like to go out and explore Las Vegas. Aj and Dean are great, they're lovely fun people to hang out with but I don't want to be a third wheel.

"Are you sure?" She asks for the hundredth time. "Yes, I'm sure." I say and she nods, "Alright. Alright. Well I'll be back later on tonight." She goes over to my bed and hugs me.

She then goes out the door. I start watching some random cooking show that's on tv. It's only seven at night and I'm sure Aj won't be back until eleven or so.

I pull up my blanket all the way up only leaving my eyes exposed. I still don't know how to feel about what Roman said to me last night. I thought about it all night and today the whole day.

I'm still wondering and still thinking. It just won't leave my mind. It haunts every hour, every second, every time I breathe. It hurts thinking about it. It hurts so much.

Theres a knock on my door and I turn my head to look at the door. I'm debating whether I should open it or pretend I'm not here.

There's another knock and I get up because it's probably Aj who forgot something. I open the door and gasp in shock when I see Kevin standing there.

He's holding a dozen of roses and he's got a grin on his face. I look at him not knowing what to say or think. "Hey, Paige. I was in town and decided to surprise you."

He hands me the roses and I take them. "Uh, thanks." I whisper. "How did you know I was here?" I ask curiosity rising.

"Well I saw on the WWE website. Kind of stalkerish, I know. But I really wanted to see you. We haven't talked in a long while. I've asp tried texting but-" he looks at me sadly.

It's true he has tried texting I just don't reply. Or I reply late. I just don't want to lead him on and I have to be honest with him.

"Oh." It's all I can say. "Yeah, Emma told me this was your room and I decided to-" I cut him off. "Wait, what? Emma told you?" I ask confused.

"Yeah. I saw her and we started talking then she mentioned you were staying here." He says with a smile. "Did she mention something else?" I ask wondering if she mention being mad at me.

"No. Not really. Although it did surprise me not to see her with you. She was with a blonde girl and a curly head who I've never seen before." He says and I nod my head. He's obviously talking about Summer and JoJo.

"Well she's made new friends." I say. "Ahh. Well anyways I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out?" He asks with a grin. I look at the roses he gave me and then at him.

I need to talk to him about my feelings. "Sure." I say, "But let me get ready." I say looking down at my pajamas.

I throw on a pair of jeans and a crop top. I don't even bother wearing makeup and I put my hair in a bun. I think this is the sloppiest I've ever looked.

I left the roses on the nightstand beside my bed. We go downstairs and I'm hoping that Roman isn't around anywhere. I don't want him to think Kevin and I are going out on a date or something.

We end up going to a burger place to eat. I've been trying to think how to start this conversation and tell him I don't like him like that but I just can't seem to find the words.

"Aren't you going to eat your food?" He asks as I stare at my full plate. "Yeah, yeah." I say picking up a couple French fries. "So Paige, tell me how have you been?"

"I've been better." I say and it's true. I'm physically okay just not emotionally. "Whys that?" He asks taking a sip of his drink. "Well I just have some problems." I say looking down at my food.

"What is it? You know you can tell me anything. You don't have to if you don't want to but if you need someone to talk to I'm here." He says with a smile. "Thank you." I reply with a small sigh.

"Come on cheer up." He says, I force myself to smile. "That's it." He says continuing to eat his food. I begin to start eating slowly, "So, Paige," Kevin begins.

"Yeah?" I ask. "Well I was wanting to ask you something." He says almost whispering. I hold my breath as he reaches over to hold my hand.

"I really, really, like you Paige. You're such a sweet, fun, girl. I enjoy talking to you and spending time with you. I know we're both on tour, and I know it's going to be hard seeing each other often. But I feel like we could make it work. Do you want to be my girlfriend?" He smiles and I feel my chest tighten.

I finally breath out because I have been holding my breath. "Kevin, I-" before I can answer the waitress approaches us. She puts the bill down on our table and walks away.

"What is it, Paige?" He asks and I pull away my hand from his grip. "I like someone else." I say quietly. I see Kevin's heartbreak expression and it makes me sad.

"I should've been honest with you earlier. I know but I couldn't find the words to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you." I say, Kevin is looking down at the table.

He opens the bill and takes out money from his pocket. "Kevin?" I say, he doesn't reply and puts the money down. He then gets up from the table and walks away.

Some people have turned and glanced at us. I quickly get up from the the table and go behind Kevin. "Kevin, Kevin, wait up." I say and he turns around.

"What Paige? What?" He says almost screaming. He must've seen my face because his expression softens up a bit. "Sorry. I just, uh, I'm sad. I thought you liked me, and I just embarrassed myself asking you out. I'm so stupid to think you could fix your eyes on me."

"No, Kevin. I'm, I'm sorry." I say. It feels like lately all I have done is hurt people and apologized. Apologizing doesn't fix anything and it makes me feel useless.

"You like that tall muscular freak don't you?" He says, "Is it because he's a wrestler? Is it because I'm not muscular enough?" He gets closer to me and I step back.

"What? No! His appearance has nothing to do with it. I like him for who he is." I say crossing my arms over my chest. Some people walk out of the restaurant and I decide to walk to the parking lot.

"Just take me to the hotel." I say suddenly feeling angry for what he said. "So you can meet up with him?" He says behind me. I ignore his question and he unlocks his car.

The whole ride is quiet. He doesn't say anything and I don't try to start a conversation either.

Once we get to the hotel I get out of the car and he quickly gets out too. "Tell me Paige, why is he better than me huh? I can do whatever he can. I can touch you like he can." He says pulling me closer.

"Kevin, please!" I say pulling my hand away from his. "Don't deny it Paige, don't tell me you don't feel nothing when I have you this close?"

I try to pull away from his grip but he's stronger. He pushes me against the car and I want to scream as I push him away.

"Hey! What are you doing?" A voice says. Kevin quickly lets me go and I see that it's Roman. "Paige? Hey! Leave her alone." He screams.

"Oh! Just who we were talking about!" Kevin screams. "Are you okay?" Roman asks looking at me. I nod my head. "This is a conversation between her and I, don't stick your nose in it."

He grabs me again and Roman punches him without even thinking it. Kevin his his car and I gasp not knowing what to do.

Roman is obviously a lot stronger than me. He looks furious and I don't think I can stop him. "No! Roman wait!"

I try to pull him away but Kevin gets up and punches him back. I feel Roman tense up and I pull him away. "No, Roman, please calm down."

He relaxes a little but Kevin looks beyond furious. "Kevin it's better if you leave!" I say, he spits out blood and stares at Roman angrily. "Okay! Fine!" He says getting in his car.

He drives away fast and once he's gone I realize that I'm still holding Romans chest. I quickly pull away and step back.

"Are you sure you're fine?" He asks. I nod my head and he grabs my hands. It's not quite dark yet and I can still see my hands. I see that my wrists are red.

"Okay." He says softy letting go of my wrists. "Okay." I repeat not making eye contact.

"Okay." He breaths out again. He looks at me for a few more seconds and then turns around. "Roman." I say softly. He turns back around and looks at me. "I wasn't on a date with Kevin. I was talking to him about my feelings. He got mad and well the rest you know."

"You don't have to explain anything." He says. "I know." I say, he simply nods his head and walks away.