This chapter is only Preeta's pov.Means before karan found her.hope you all got✨

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I may not be with you all the time,but I want you to know that you are never out of my my heart, I love You!

Preeta's pov

Vulnerable, Anxiety, Depressed.

These are not at all the common emotions or feeling.These are the worst which makes our life living hell.

Left with no interest in anything, where ever you go or whatever you do.there won't be any change until and unless you make up your mind and come out of that.

The feelings which is concious experience and the emotions which are not concious but are manifest through our unconscious state.

The emotions leak through the eyes it may be a happy one or sad.Our tears well up feeling overwhelmed.The feeling is which is connected to our heart and sometimes even ends up messing our mind.

And the strongest emotion is LOVE.It brings the best out of us for the person we love.It may be the parents, friends or a partner.Specially when it's comes to the partner.The feeling is so heartwarming that we forget the rest of the world sometimes and only wants that one person to be with us.

It's the different feeling when we realise and fall in love with the person.The only person comes to our mind when someone says about love.It fills your heart with a foreign feeling that you never felt before.It makes you remember them more,to talk to them, to feel their presence beside you.

It's not only about the physical attraction.It is connected to our every emotions, every pain, smile we wear.Unknowingly by times passes the person becomes our everything and we starts to dream our future with them and can feel the love through the reflection of their eyes.

These all feelings I felt when I gradually started falling for him and when the years passed he was the only thought of my mind and heart.

Karan.

Love which connects the two hearts through the sacred string till eternity.But mine isn't the connection of two hearts.It was always from my side.He must have never seen me in that way.But I saw him in and as my everything.I don't know how I fell that hard for him.

May be it was so easy to fall for him.When he was the only best friend I had in my childhood.I didn't even had many female friends those days.Just a Hi, bye and talking in class was much.But he had friends other than me.But I didn't bother much because we were always together.

But when we came to our High school he sometimes used to go home with his friends saying me to go home.And he knew I would be angry with him for that.I used to get bore while going home alone.

And remembering my angry face he used to come to my home with some useless reasons of notes.I surely never got convinced that soon even though he used to bring me two cadbury's.

I used to take those chocolates without talking to him.and when he would get angry in return seeing my attitude.That is when I used to approach him with a puppy face.

Those were the best days of my life. nostalgic!

But I guess he always treated me as a normal friend.may be a little more special.Nothing more than that and that is why our communication went decreasing when he went out of the city for his studies.

I agreed he must be busy in studies and all.Even I was.During studying Medical I was busy to take a day off for myself even.Just hectic.So only a normal conversation between us that to about studies, college and all.

That's too only for twice or thrice a year.Sometimes I think like It must be my mistake that I let him go and didn't expressed my feelings.I was too shy for that all.

I always thought of waiting for him and moved on.But I didn't knew that he will go so far from me that it will be difficult for me to mingle with him again.And it happened.

The way he behaved with him, the way he hated my presence at first, the way he shouted at me for no reason, the way he once said he has someone in his life.It hurts badly.

And the wedding and our future which I always manifested and dreamt felt like drowning in the deep sea.The marriage which i thought from where our life will being with Love was shattered before even it could be begin.

I was lost.

But my love for him took the decision to be with him May be I was so selfish in my love that I ended up marrying him even though he had directly rejected.

How stupid of me.

But I never knew the reason.If I knew before only that he loved someone then I would have never looked back at him.These are my feelings and I always wanted to keep them with me If he didn't respect them or responds to that.

It was fine.I was fine with that.

But it was too late for everything.This marriage was most turning point of my life which brought sorrows, tears, pain at the Start.

I believe he changed, he was changing and even I was accepting that.But it was all till the day roshni entered.Why would someone will bring his ex-girlfriend to his home being a married man.

Even I removed the thought of that ignoring he was right.He was just trying to help her.But when the days went on I didn't feel the same.It was hurting me badly.I was feeling uncomfortable, I was feeling suffocated, their talks, even their mere closeness was affecting me, the way he talked with her, the way she smiles at him.Just everything was impacting.

And when I was at the conclusion stage.Her confession was an Arrow to my heart which made me to live the house.

When I came here that evening, all I did was to sit and cry remembering everything whatever happened between us and cursing my fate.

But how much should I cry?

There won't be any difference! I felt like dying, the feeling is worst when you feel rejected by the man you love the most.

What was left for me to do? I did not had a dare to go Delhi and to meet anyone.I wanted to spend sometime alone to reach for some conclusion.

How should I overcome from this kinda depression.His face was just everywhere, he memories were haunting me in my dreams, my day and night, just all I could think about was him.Only him.

Why this all happened with me? Was I not that good looking? Was I not the perfect match for him? Why he feel nothing for me? Did I failed somewhere in Winning his heart? What must be my mistake? How his choice must be?

Roshni!

I don't know how much she loves him, but I always loved him more than me and anyone in this world.But at last all I did was to leave him for another women.I left my husband beacuse of his happiness.

I sacrificed my love and my life for his happy life even though knowing that I won't be able to live without him.Still I took that decision and It was surely affecting me badly.

Seeing the couples everywhere here.It was making my condition more worse rather than improving.

Just couldn't stop crying at all, I wanted get rid of this.Some how I wanted to forget him, his memories, his rare smile, his dimple cheeks, his touch, his embrace, he was my whole damn heart I crave for.

Loving him like before with his memories felt good rather than living with the memories we shared after our marriage.I was cursing myself for this mess I created.Wish I would have listened to him and cancelled the wedding.

Or may be his parents never thought of our alliance.It would have been best for me to stay forever in his memories thinking one day he will come to me.I was wrong, fucking wrong to think that way.

He never cared for me or saw me that way..never! All he did was to care me like friend and I was expecting more from him just because I love him.This is wrong and I am realising it now.

But my little, broken, ravished heart won't listen to me.It longs for him.It craves for his presence that it ends up making me cry my heart out.It always reminds me of him making my chest to clench in pain.

But till when will I cry for him.He would be living his life happily and there won't be any use if I keep crying for him the whole day and night.I knew it will finally ruin me one day and the signs were just started from the day I left him.

I didn't wanted to give up only life because, this wasn't the end of me.Beacuse I had my family, my parents who loves me like anything, I was their life, their only child who always made me feel like their Princess.

I cannot Even imagine the thought of giving up on my life.I was ready to live a lone and painful life throughout, even though It makes my life meaningless without his presence in my life..I was getting ready for it only because of my loved ones.

I would love to stay with my parents my whole life trying to erase his memories.I won't complain even if it takes my lifetime for that, till my last breath.

I had a right to live my own life now!Who cares that karan luthra if he loves someone else.Let him stay happily without me.I am fine with it.

No I am not!

I always tried to jerk my inner thoughts thinking some positive If possible.I just wanted to get out of this mess even if it was for some hours.I wanted to sleep even it may be for some hours.I wanted that damn sleep to overcome.

I have heard alcohol makes us to forget the pain.I wanted to try this once beacuse no other idea came to my mind to forget him.I ordered the next day at night and no one believes me I was crying more and more while sipping that drink.It burnt my throat and ached my chest.But it felt better that the pain I feel remembering him.

The effect of alcohol made me sober and I sat on the floor leaning to the bed while sipping the whole bottle while gazing and talking with him imagining him in front of me.

I cried, screamed calling him to come and curtail this pain because even the alcohol made me to remember him making my tears to roll down like a river.Who says alcohol decreases the pain, it worsen the condition more..but it makes made me feel crazy and I didn't even got when I was completely got drenched in that.

I was all lost and I guess lost my concious beacuse of access drinking and slept there itself.It was much needed because I knew that I won't get sleep without that damn alcohol.The next morning I woke up was at 12pm.

I didn't remember anything what I did after drinking which made me happy and encouraged me to continue that.

I don't know how may girls would come in my category.I feel pity on them for loving someone like I did.beacuse unknowing to them we love them and at last get hurt by them.

We cannot put the blame on anyone.If someone is the murder of our heart then it is us.

The sunlight peeping though the curtains made my head thob more.I felt ashamed of myself for becoming the jerk like this.I was losing everything.

I wanted someone by my side to confront me like he did for me sometimes.I wanted that.I was ready even if it may be his care and concern.I longed for his arms, his shoulder to lean on, his fingers to wipe my tears, his touch to awake my nerves and to soothe my heart and all I
craving was him.Only him.

But the urge to talk to someone came to my mind and the first thing who came to my mind after karan was mom.I wanted to talk to her.I want to hear her voice.She must be worried as I never misses to call her daily.

When I talked to her on phone.It made me relax and calm.I wanted to sleep on mom's lap and her to pat my head to make me sleep because it was far away from me now.

I didn't want them to know about us.I Cannot make them sad.I wanted to take it slow.Very slow. And may be one day they will be fine with this.

The day I did nothing but to again sit at the corner and tried to read a book to change my mind atleast for sometime.May be.

But I was all wrong.Nothing was working.My eyes wandered the deep ocean waves hitting the sea shore and going back.

They explained the life.probelms comes and goes always.But in my life there wasn't any problem.But my whole life was problem which I created for myself and coming out of it felt like a I was stuck in the middle of the sea.

Where no one would find me and confront.I may find someone there..may be some day..but whom I want would be no where to be seen near me.

It aches badly!

I had no idea how I was going to live my further life.The thought itself was making me shiver and frightened.But I decided to try, atleast I can try so that I should not end up in this forever depression.

I don't wanted my parents to suffer seeing me like this.I wanted to change this State of my mind.I wanted to forget him from my mind to live a peaceful life atleast.Not a happy one.

I had never been to the beach since I came here.So just thought to go there and to spend some lone time gazing at the sea.

In the evening when I was walking on the sand.My mind again went back to him thinking wish he was there here with me.

Walking by his side, holding his hand, sitting on the sand beside eachother while gazing the waves.These are all the dreams I had dreamt.

And I got that dreams never come true.It was valentine's day tomorrow.I knew it would hurt me more seeing all the couples here on this day.Still I wanted to come.

Just in search of some peace.

To see him in my dreams and my imagination like before.I should get used to that because that is what I was going to do for the rest of my life.

A faint smile broke my lips as I saw the drinks corner and unknowingly my legs reached there.

Drinking for somedays to come out of this pain won't be wrong.Once I was drunk I didn't knew where I was standing and with whom I was standing.

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To be continued

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Can anyone feel her pain💔.

Well cannot do anything with that🙂.

I wanted to write the continue part but thought of giving her pov and how she spent her days after coming here.just her feelings.Hope you all liked 🤌.

Next one will be continuation chapter ✨.

And Happy Holi my lovelies ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤍

Meet you all in the next chapter bye❣️