Only my heart knows ,how it feels nd how much it hurts..
∆∆∆

Preeta's pov

I stirred in my sleep and opened my eyes.I threw the pillow away from me which I was holding.

Sitting on the bed and rested my head on headrest closing my eyes.

I felt like nill,it's a new day we must get up with a positive thoughts every single day.but i didn't felt like one.

And I knew the reason very well.ofcouse coz it's not the matter to forgot what all happened last night.

A tear drop kissed my right cheek.I stood up and went to the washroom.

Standing infornt of the mirror,I looked at myself.

The face which had a glow of his love , and the eyes that used to shine seeing him being around him but now full of tear stained and eyes which lost their shine and felt like null.

I chuckled looking at myself.

How can I change this much,the girl..I never cried for anyone till now. Yes,never like this.

He made me and i can't blame him for this.Its me who had already gave my heart to him and being hurt by his actions.

I splashed water on my face twice, thrice.
and again looked into mirror.

After getting bath I stepped out of the washroom.Changing into comfortable one.

I came out of my room and then to kitchen to have water.

I saw that the breakfast was already set on the table ,means he had left already.

Noo..not again..

Why the hell I am thinking about him?

No,I won't from now,not at all.I don't want any other talks with him or quarrels or anything.

It's enough and I got to know the reason. Anyways it doesn't matter to him.so from today even he doesn't matter to me.

Beacuse,till now I was falling for the  karan, who is not my  bestfriend.he is no more my fireind.It's not him.

I loved my bajarbattu, not this karan.I don't love him.

From now as he wants, our  ways will apart.

I consoled myself that I can do that.from today  his words will not affect me.

I should not let them affect me,yes!

I sat on the dining table and had my breakfast silently.

Then I went towards my room and sat on the bed taking book in my hands and started reading.

*****

Karan's pov

It was noon,

I was sitting in my cabin working on a upcoming presentation.

That someone knocked the door.

"Come in"

Rohit came inside and handled me shedule and said.

"Sir just i recieved call that,You have to move London for an important meeting related to our new branch"

"Ohh haan,toh kab nikalna hai"I asked him as I remember I had already planned before that I have to visit their once.

"Today at 6 in evening, tickets are already booked sir"he replied.

I nodded and continued with my work.

I didn't wanted to go home,as I have already had my closet even in the office room.so there was no need to go there.

I asked rohit to pack my bags so that I can leave by 4.

Guess it will take me two days to return back.

*****

Preeta's pov

It was already night,9 pm.

I Cooked for myself and had my dinner watching tv and scrolling my phone.

After sometime I felt sleepy and went to my room for sleep as don't want to wait for anyone.

He will come late night I know.

Saying I left towards my room.

Next morning,

suddenly I  woke up and sat on bed feeling strange.such a bad dream.

Then I heard a knock on the door.

"Abb matalab karan nahi hai,I guess office jaldi gaya hoga"I left my thoughts and went to open the door.

Their was Maria standing at the door.I looked at her confusedly.

Why she is late? Or..

She wished me a morning and came inside.

"Wait..tum aaj late ayi ya phir..karan ne tumhe late ane ko kaha..you always come at early morning right,karan jaldi jata hai"I asked her confusingly.

"Yes mam,mein aaj woh late hua imp kaam tha,I have already informed karan sir"she replied and I was still in  confusion.

I nodded and let her in.

I heard my phone beeping with an incoming call and  it was rakhi maa.

I smiled and received the call sitting on the bed.

"Hello rakhi ma.kaise ho aap"I asked.

"Preeta pehle tu mujhe ye bata ki tu karan ko London akele kyu bheja haan? Tum kyu nahi gayi uske saath?"I widened my eyes in shock and felt like something pierced my heart.

I felt my heart heavy knowing that he left me here without  saying nothing to me that to London.

How can he be soo cruel..

"Preeta hello"I came back to sense hearing rakhi ma.

"Ha..haa ma wo. "I was sttamerring not getting what to say with this new found information.

"Kya woh preeta tum kyu nahi gayi uske saath call ki thi aaj toh usne kaha mujhe ki London mein hai aur tumhare bare me pucha toh kuch imp kaam hai bata kar call cut Kiya usne,toh mein tujhe puchne call ki"

Now I totally understood what she was saying and chuckled bitterly.

"Ma woh Mujhe acha nahi lag raha tha,I was not feeling well so meine hi usse kaha ki tum akele jao usne mujhe bulaya tha ma"I felt like crying telling them a lie but I had to.

"Preeta tu thik hai na kya hua haan?"rakhi ma asked me worriedly.

I wiped my tears and answered.

"Nahi ma mein thik hu just headache tha, journey karne ka Mann nahi tha toh mein nahi gayi.mein thik hu ma aap sab chinta mata kariye"

"Abb thoda tension free Hui nahi toh soch soch ke..mein bhi na..ok abb koi nahi khyal rakhna haan"

I wanted to ask when will he return,but i can't ,otherwise they will get doubt.

I felt bad,I can't just describe that  in words.

"Haan ma app bhi" saying I hung up the call.

How can he leave me here alone without thinking of me once.. atleast once that I am here atleast as a person.

U are literally breaking me karan.

This is not done..aise kaise ho tum.

I was trying not to remember him and just now he made me to forgot him.

Then why I am here?

Mein kyu rahu yaha?Nahi reh sakti aise mein?

I covered my face with palms and cried.

"Aise nahi reh sakti mein..i can't "

I sat there for sometime thinking with a crying face and came to a conclusion.

I wiped my tears and searched for the documents of the hospital.

I can't just sit like this jobless here waiting for heartless man.

I have my life now and I assure myself to not care about him anymore as he does.

Picking my joining letter I came to decision to join hospital as soon as possible.

*****

I was getting ready and wore a simple green colour kurta and legin.

I had my breakfast and left locking the door.maria had left an hour before completing her work.

I Booked a cab and informed them the address.

After nearly an hour I was infornt of the hospital.

I payed the amount and went inside.

Entering inside I talked with the receptionist as I have contacted her before..she took my joining letter and she instructed me to meet dr.mehra,the owner of the hospital.

He was Mahesh papa's friend and i knew.

I entered his cabin and he looked at me.

"Arey dr.preeta app.come sit"He said

"Doctor app mujhe preeta bulaenge toh accha lagega mujhe"I said them as I  didn't felt good they always called me by name.

"Toh tum bhi mujhe doctor nahi keh sakti"he said laughingly.

"Arey nahi mein kaise yaha apko dr.uncle bula sakti hu.woh toh tab lekin abb hum professionally hi rehna hai right"I said smiling.

"Ok preeta.abb Mahesh ne sab bataya mujhe.congrats on your wedding again"

I smiled fakely and thanked.

"Toh abb join karne aayi ,abhi aur thode din baad kar sakti thi tum"

"Nahi uncle mujhe job karna hi accha lagta hai Ghar mein bore ho jaungi soo"I replied.

"Ok thik hai toh.Kal se tum join kar sakti ho"I smiled

"Thank you uncle.mein kal aajaungi"saying I stood up.

Bidding bye to him I left from there.

*****

I was sleeping on my bed laying on my back with one hand on my forehead staring the ceiling.It was already night and I was all alone in the house

But I had a staisfactiom face as I was going to start a new chapter of my life in Mumbai from tomorrow.

Even I can ignore him From now.he will be busy even I am. Just don't want to face him.

But no one is with me in this.let it sometimes we have to face all alone and that's life.

Still some part of my heart was waiting for him to be back.

Ofcourse i was miss.... noo I should not..noo

I closed my eyes controlling myself and slept closing my eyes.

Yesterday night I didn't knew he was not there ,I thought he would return at night.

But today I know he is not there and he won't come.I Don't know whether I will get sleep or not.

It's not that i have not been Alone since then,when dad used to go business trips he took mom along.So i am used.but it's a new place I have not even adjusted here.

I was little scared,yes.

Still I composed myself that nothing will happen.I crossed my fingers and was assuring myself that I will get sleep.

I closed my eyes tightly and slept covering myself.

After sometime,

Suddenly I woke up feeling sacred and sat on bed looking here and there.

looked at my phone and it was 12 at midnight.I gulped down my throat.

Filling the glass full of water I drank calming myself.

I felt my heart beat rising by each sec.I made a cry baby face and took my knees close to my chest.

I was scared i Don't know why?as we can say it's my subconscious mind that knows I was Alone and it's haunting me.

I stood up and pulled all the curtains of window.

I looked around fearly feeling like someone is in the room with me.I guess bhoot.

Yes it may be.

I think it came here knowing I was  alone. Hundreds of thoughts were coming to my mind.

I closed my eyes and took a long breathe.

3...2...1..

it's nothing..i will get a good sleep.composing myself  I went towards Waldrobe and opened it.

I looked for his t-shirt.

Picking it up.I held it closely and went to the bed.

I smiled feeling him since he was not with me I used to wear or hold his t-shirt while sleeping whenever I used to miss him.

I am not talking about my husband karan Luthra.I am talking about my bajarbattu.
that i missed him and I guess Missing now.

I sat on the bed and layed down taking his shirt close to my heart and closed my eyes feeling him near.

Don't know when will he return and I  have to spend these sleepless nights.

I closed my eyes and slept.

*****

Next day,

I was standing infornt of the hospital and was feeling very happy as it was my first day.

I smiled and went inside talking with the receptionist to my cabin.

After sometime,I thought to look around the hospital and pacients.

I was roaming around the hospital that suddenly bumped to someone and moved backwards.

I looked at him blinking my eyes twice to assure myself.

Was he?

I came out of my thoughts when I heard him.

"Preeee"

I widened my eyes at him that he hugged me.

"Oh my god..kitne saalon baad mili yaar.I missed you"he said.

I hugged him back and smiled at him excitedly.

"Godd..Ritik tum yaha I missed you too yaar"I replied to him smiling widely.

"Mujhe ye puchna chahiye ke tum yaha"I saw him confusingly.

"Matalab?"i asked him.

"Abb woh chodo batata hu.pehle chalo cafeteria mein chalte hai tumse bohot sari baatein karni hai"I smiled at him and nodded.

"Haan chalo"

We sat facing eachother other and ordered a coffee for both.

"Ok batao tum yaha kaise?"I asked him.

"tum ye sawal bhi kaise puch sakti ho yaar pree..hum dono saath mein mbbs kiye hai toh mein doctor hi hunga na..kaise sawal puchti ho"I made a ohh_yes face and looked at him.

Ritik ,me and Riya we were best buddies  ,we became close when we were doing our mbbs nd didn't got when we  became best friends and still are.after our degree Ritik went to abroad for his md and was not in more touch.just twice i gues we had talk after that.even i tried to call him for marriage but I gues he had changed his no that i could call him. I was literally angry on him for that He missed his bf's wedding.

"What..tum bhi yaha ho I mean issi hospital mein.I didn't knew yaar"

"tum bhi matalab?"he asked confusingly.

"Matalab kya hai..even i have joined here today only"I answered him.

He looked at me widening his eyes giving me a shocked +happy expression and i knew he will react like this.

"What?tum bhi..u don't know how much you made me happy pree "he said smiling widely.

"Haan ji same here.abb itne saalo baad tumse mil rahi hu app to janab number hi change kiye ki mein apni shaadi mein bhi nahi bula payi"i said him.

Suddenly his smiley face turned to sad one and almost split his coffee.

I looked at him then laughed.

"What Ritik..ohh godd..meri shaadi hue sun kar aise react Kiya na..yes i am married now"I said laughing seeing his face which had bucket of questions.

"Pree say you are kidding me.say it's a lie"he asked giving serious looks.

I showed him my ring and mangalsutra still controlling my laughter and he made a cry Baby face.

"This is not fair pree tum ne aise kaise kar liya haan?mujhe pata Tak nahi chala..dil tod diya yaar"he said making sad face.

I looked at him and explained everything like our marriage was followed by engagement and all he understood and nodded still being sad

"Ohh god abb tum smile doge,meine kaha na sab jaldi mein hogaya,abb shaadi hi toh hui hai"I made him listen to me.

He was my best friend and if I was at his place i would have felt the same.

"Ok chal tu bhi kya yaad rakhe gi..Jane Diya...waise kaise hai Mr karan Luthra?abb ye mat kehna ki kisi aur se shaadi ki hai"he asked.

I was stunned,he remembered I had never told him that I loved karan since then but knew he knows beacuse Riya said me that she had once told him about karan.

"Haan uss bajarbattu se hi ki hai"I replied making a sad pout.

"Bajarbattu..ye kya hai? aur  ye kya..haan?uske naam se Teri chehre pe smile Ani chahiye ye kya aise muh bana rahi hai?"I widened my eyes listening him.

"Uffo tum bhi na it's ntg abb bata tumhare life ke bare mein abhi tak koyi ladki mili nahi haan?"I asked him smrinkingly.

" Woh kya hai na, Tumhara wait kar raha tha tumne shaadi karli toh, abb dundhna padega kisi aur ko"he replied back  and I opened my mouth making O face.

"Tum flirt karna kab band karoge haan?aab bhi waise hi ho goddd"I said him making faces and he started laughed at me.

"Arey abb mazak bhi nahi kar sakta kya?tum bhi na"I looked at him with you_are_impossible looks.

"Abhi kuch socha nahi uske bare mein aur tumhe meri shaadi mein zaroor bulaunga tumhari tarah nahi okay"he said teasing me and i glared him

"Tum usse lekar abb kitna tang karoge I said na it just happened now leave that"

"Ok madam"he replied taking a sip.

"Haan abb okay mein chalti hu,abb toh Roz milenge right"i said him with smile.

"Nahi my department is in the next buliding,but ham yaha cafeteria mein mil sakte hai agar tum chaho" he said and i smiled back at him.

" Ofcourse Ritik ,ok bye then"

"Bye pree"bidding bye to him I walked towards the hospital to my cabin.

Today I was feeling happy beacuse I met Ritik after many years and It made my day a special one.
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To be continued

****
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