Taylor

My mom laughed and my father wrapped his arm around me and gave me a hug. I'd been so loved. At that time it had been so normal and I'd give anything to go back to that. I swallowed the emotion down as I tried to continue.

"Sit," Sin instructed as he pushed me down to sit on his bed. I rubbed my forehead and I tried to get my thoughts together as he sat down next to me, still holding my hand.

"I'm not sure what time they tucked me into bed and read me a story. My mom gave me a kiss on the forehead and told me to have sweet dreams. My father came to kiss me goodnight and told me he loved me. It was our usual routine for bedtime."

It was strange that some memories were blurry as you got older and it was harder to remember them, but there were just some memories that didn't dull with time and that night was one of them. I could recall everything, the good and the bad. Sin squeezed my hand for reassurance that I wasn't alone and I gave him a weak smile in return.

"I'd been going through a stage of having nightmares and that night I woke up scared. I held my favorite teddy, Mr. Cuddles, tightly in my hands and went to my parents' bedroom to ask my mom if I could sleep in the bed. Still half asleep, my mom opened her covers and I climbed into the bed bedside her."

I paused for a moment and took a deep breath and expelled it.

"I was jolted awake by my mom. She was scared and shaking. My dad wasn't in the room. She'd told me to remain calm and to hide in the closet. Confused and still half asleep, I asked her what was wrong. She whispered to me that there was someone in the house and told me I needed to be quiet. I didn't understand what was happening, but I did what she told me. Once I was safe inside the closet she closed the doors. There was enough of a gap to be able to see my mother walk to the door."

I dropped my eyes to the floor for a moment as I built the courage to continue. It was hard talking about those events and remembering the last memories that I had of my parents.

"You don't have to," Sin said as he took my other hand in his. I looked at him.

"You know everything, but I need you to understand why it was something that was so hard to carry around with me. What you read would have given you all the grim details, but I want you to understand why I am the way I am," I tried to explain.

As hard as it was, I carried on.

"There was some noise inside the house and I heard my father shout. My mom looked frantic and scared. I'll never forget that fear that I saw on her face. She hurried back to the closet and got me out and then she led me to the window. She opened it up as quietly as she could. I wanted to stay with her, but she begged me to be a good girl and to climb through the window."

I fought the tears that gathered in my eyes and as they overflowed I brushed them from my face.

"I whimpered as I climbed through the window. She told me to go and hide in the back yard. I had no idea what was happening, but it was the desperation in her voice that made me run through the darkness to the back of the house. Our property was quite large with a tall boundary wall so I ran as fast as I could still holding onto my teddy bear. I tripped a couple of times... I don't know if it was the adrenaline that kept me from feeling the pain."

More tears silently slid down my face and as fast as I brushed them away, new tears replaced them. I felt a gentle touch to my cheek and Sin brushed my tears gently with his hands.

"I don't like it when you cry," he said softly, his voice hoarse. As much as he didn't like seeing me cry, I didn't like feeling this open and exposed.

"I hid in some thick bushes against the wall. I huddled holding Mr. Cuddles, too scared to move."

I'd lost track of time and with the fear that I'd felt, every minute felt like ten so what had only been an hour had felt like forever.

"It was only when the sun came up that I came out of hiding. In the daytime, everything seemed less scary."

He nodded.

"The house was quiet and the front door was wide open. The house had been ransacked and I crept as quietly as I could. I was scared that the intruders were still in the house. The first place I went to was my parents' bedroom."

I closed my eyes for a moment, riding out the emotions that overwhelmed me at the next stage of my memory. Sin squeezed both of my hands and kept them in his.

"While I'd been hiding in the dark, I'd imagined all sorts of scenarios, but nothing prepared me for what I found. There was so much blood. My father was lying on his stomach with a knife sticking out of his back. I rushed over to him, but he didn't respond. I'd never seen death before, but I saw it in his eyes. I heard a slight noise and realized my mom was still alive."

I put my hands to my mouth as a sob tore from me. The next part had been the hardest.

"Crying... and becoming more hysterical, I rushed over to her. She was lying in a pool of her own blood. Honestly, I don't know how she'd survived that long. I wanted to go and get help, but my mom held my wrist and...told me to stay with her."

I gulped down my emotion.

"She knew she wouldn't make it and she didn't want to die alone. I held my mother's hand as she struggled to breathe. I told her I loved her just before her chest stopped moving and I couldn't hear her breathe anymore. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"I'm so sorry," murmured Sin as he let go of my hands and wrapped his arms around me. He hugged me as I leaned my head against his chest. After a few minutes, I pulled away from him and stood up. I needed to finish and I felt if I didn't do it now, I would clam up again.

"I kind of shut down after that. It was like I was in a bubble. I knew exactly what was going on around me, but I couldn't interact. I lost track of time."

I rubbed my forehead as I tried to remember what happened after that.

"The next thing I remember was when Connor came home and discovered what happened. It's hard to remember exactly what happened after that because I had some sort of breakdown. I just couldn't cope with everything."

My eyes met his and I saw that look again.

"I wasn't crazy," I stated as I began to feel emotional as well as agitated. Afterward, people looked at me with sympathy, but hidden in those looks was the wariness that I was unstable.

"You weren't crazy, you just lost your parents and you couldn't cope. It's understandable," he explained as he stood up and walked to me.

The newspapers hadn't just covered the brutal murder of my parents in an apparent robbery gone wrong, they'd also covered my downward spiral into oblivion that had landed me in a psychiatric ward.

"You look at me the same way they did," I murmured as I took a step back. I knew this would happen when people started to discover my secret past. It had been the main reason I'd tried to keep it from coming out.

"That's not how I see you," he argued as he took a step closer.