LOVER -
act one chapter ten

george is boring (aka drivers chat):

PR LORD:
are you kidding me
how has this happened then

LANDO:
wow george, i'm so happy
you finally caved and made this gc
exciting

SEB:
Lando stole my phone and did this

CHARLES:
lando!!!
you shouldn't steal from elders

SEB:
Watch out Perceval.

ALEX:
woah
not the eighth middle name

TRAITOR:
i suppose lando is the one who changed my name

LANDO:
you would be correct carlos

PEREZ:
i think lando is worse than my own children

MAX:
he's worse than p with the cats

TRAITOR:
i thought we were over this heartbreak anyway

CHARLES:
you can never be over true heartbreak

SEB:
I thought we went over this Charles

MAX:
you just have to wait for ferrari
to really screw you over
and then you'll understand why seb left

SEB:
That wasn't the real reason

DANIEL:
so what was the real reason

TRAITOR:
okay guys 🙄 seb is clearly unwilling to talk about it so let's more on to more pressing matters
the lovely girl in the back of the Haas garage, hugging mick at the end of Q2.

KMAG:
she was lovely

TRAITOR:
did you realize who she was

KMAG:
of course i'm not an idiot

CHARLES:
who is this girl
and how does kevin know her

ALEX:
i thought kevin married someone called laura
not iris

MICK:
why are you talking about iris

MAX:
how do you know her

PIERRE:
and is she single

CHARLES:
that's horrible pierre
is she your cousin or something mick?
i'm sorry for how they are talking about her

TRAITOR:
🙄 i was just curious okay

MAX:
just cause you haven't liked someone since
your karting days

DANIEL:
omg
who

MAX:
someone called alicia
she won f2 two years ago

TRAITOR:
that really wasn't necessary to bring up

MICK:
neither is iris
she is not my cousin
only my family friend
and is off limits
did you read that correctly pierre?
she is off limits
not just for you but from every single one of you

LANDO:
who pissed on your pillow mick
what if we just wanted to be friends??

MICK:
i don't trust any of you with iris

CHARLES:
rude??
i am the most trust worthy person here

ZHOU:
pretty sure it's me tbf

MICK:
tbh i agree with zhou
he's better than all of you

PEREZ:
when have i ever been untrustworthy mick!!?

MICK:
you're married!?!?!?
back off

DANIEL:
you're very protective mick
might have to break up with my girlfriend
just for you😏

MICK:
you make me sick

SEB:
Why are we discussing Iris?

CHARLES:
you know her too??
how is every seeing her??

BIG ASS:
just watch qualifying from the start of tv coverage
you'll see her in the back of the garage
crofty and brundle talking about her dad or something

PR LORD:
valtteri making his one and only appearance of the month💗

BIG ASS:
there's a reason i mute this chat

SEB:
I would appreciate if all of you stay away from Iris.
I don't think she'd enjoy all of you talking to her, there's nothing wrong with you all just that she'd prefer less awkward chats with you guys.
Thank you.

LANDO:
no worries seb we'll keep our distance

TRAITOR:
absolutely sir!

PIERRE:
whatever you say, i'll do seb!

MICK:
why do you guys listen to seb
but not me??

CHARLES:
he's scarier

ALEX:
he would get all the bees angry at us

PR LORD:
the last thing i need is a wasp sting

LEWIS:
do you need any dog treats?

CHARLES:
WHAT 😭

DANIEL:
LEWIS?!?!

PR LORD:
are you kidding me??
i just beat the bitch allegations last week

CHARLES:
let's be honest george
you never beat the allegations

LEWIS:
oh no
i'm so sorry george
that was supposed to be to angela

LANDO:
bitch boy

'pr lord' removed 'lando'

SEB:
how is he almost on his third strike
the first race hasn't even happened yet

CHARLES:
oh schnitzel sticks

ALEX:
charles?!,!?!

PR LORD:
lord perceval?!?!?

YUKI:
wake up babe charles got in a vespa crash

ALEX:
YUKI,!?!?!?

YUKI:
that was pierre
I SWEAR

ALONO:
we know you swear buddy

YUKI:
🖕

PR LORD:
there's also no vespas in bahrain
unless there is
i might take carmen on one

ALEX:
pr lord tings 🥰💞

'pr lord' removed 'alex'

charles is not the favorite child:

CHARLES:
RED ALERT
MAJOR RED ALERT

ARTHUR:
i swear to god charles
if it's because mom has brought you
baggy jeans
i'm going to kill you

LORENZO:
can't ever get over your obsession with skinny jeans
i just don't understand

CHARLES;
THIS IS A MASSIVE PROBLEM THO
YOU KNOW THAT GIRL I BROUGHT BACK FROM THE BAR

ARTHUR:
you went to a bar?

LORENZO:
and brought a girl home?

CHARLES:
oh i forgot to tell you
well
this girl was stumbling and stuff so i brought her to my apartment and she slept on the sofa
and left really fast in the morning
but she was beautiful
you know even hungover
and basically
she's mick and sebs family friend
who is off limits

ARTHUR:
have you even spoke to her

CHARLES:
i made her breakfast

LORENZO:
WHY ARE YOU SUCH A GENTLEMAN

CHARLES:
is it not normal to make her breakfast?!!

ARTHUR:
i barely even make carla breakfast

LORENZO:
your poor girlfriend

CHARLES:
well yes but iris

LORENZO:
IRIS!!?
IRIS BLANCHE???
AS IN MARC BLANCHES DAUGHTER
THE ONE EVERY TWEET IS ABOUT CURRENTLY

ARTHUR:
i'm lost

LORENZO:
I EXPECTED YOU TO BE
BUT HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO IRIS IS
SHE HAS AN AMAZING ALBUM
HER EX BOYFRIENDS A BITCH
thank god he got humbled with the album
🙏🏻

ARTHUR:
OH MU HIS
SHES IN MY OLAYLIST

LORENZO:
HOW DID YOU FORGET?!,!,!,

CHARLES:
WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING????

LORENZO:
BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CRUSH
ON IRIS BLANCHE?!??!??

CHARLES:
I NEVER CALLED IT A CRUSH
I JUST SAID SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL

ARTHUR:
and off limits

LORENZO:
SHUT UP ARTHUR

CHARLES:
SHUT UP ARTHUR

ARTHUR:
i'm going to tell mom you're bullying me

CHARLES:
THAT DOESNT HELP ARTHUR
WHAT IF I SEE HER TOMORROW

LORENZO:
SHE'S THERE TOMORROW??
I MUST MEET HER

CHARLES:
PRIORITIES! PLEASE! LOREZNO!
IT WILL BE SO AWKWARD

ARTHUR:
because you have a crush?

LORENZO:
HE DOES

CHARLES:
SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU

AUTHORS NOTE:
🫣 one more chapter 😁