┊┊┊┊ ➶ ❁۪ 。˚ ✧

┊┊┊┊ ➶ ❁۪ 。˚ ✧

Don't speak, I know just what you're thinking. I don't need your reasons, don't tell me ‚cause it hurts. Don't speak. — No Doubt, „Don't Speak" (1995)

—

Meredith was waiting for Jaxx in front of her Auto IT class when a boy from her course walked up to her. "Waiting for Jaxx?", he asked and Meredith nodded. "Didn't you hear?", he asked and Meredith looked at him. "Hear what?", she replied, looking at the boy with confusion in her eyes.

"He dropped out last night. Apparently there was an issue with the police over the weekend and he got in trouble with some Korean dude in a club. His parents bailed him out and he immediately dropped out."

Meredith looked at the dude with fear in her eyes. "He dropped out? Literally?" The boy nodded. "I think he's currently cleaning out his dorm. He's heading home to Adelaide tonight—" Meredith didn't wait for the boy to finish his sentence.

She started sprinting down the corridor and out of the building. The run to Jaxx's from wasn't far. His dormitory was very close to the automotive department so after a twenty minute sprint Meredith reached the building.

Jaxx's car was standing in front of it. The trunk door was opened and a few plastic and paper boxes were already stacked into it. Taking a deep breath she pushed open the door and ran into the second floor.

She was breathless reaching the second floor. Once at Jaxx's door, she knocked on it. Jaxx opened it and Meredith could see that the bruise on his jaw had grown really dark and big. "Jackson" she whispered, looking at him.

Jaxx sighed, seeing the honey-blonde-haired woman in front of his door. "Shouldn't you be in class right now?", he asked, but Meredith only crushed the boy in a hug. "Why did you drop out?", she asked and Jaxx awkwardly patted her back. "I thought it was the best. With my basic courses I can start getting a job in a garage in Adelaide. I'll be fine."

Meredith looked up into Jaxx's tanned face. "You can't leave me like this, Jackson." Jaxx looked at her. "I would only cause more trouble. My parents were the same opinion that dropping uni and starting to work would be the best decision for me."

"But you're the most talented automotive engineer I've ever met!"

"It doesn't matter, Mer!"

Jaxx gently pushed Meredith off him. He looked at her. A sigh leaving his lips. "That weekend was a disaster and I don't want you to get in trouble because of me." He stepped away from Meredith and turned his back to her.

She watched him collect his personal belongings and roughly putting them into bags and boxes. Tears welled up in Meredith's eyes. First her boyfriend cheated on her, then she had to leave her family and best friend behind and now the only person she cared for in Australia would drop out of school.

"It's my fault" she said and Jaxx turned to face her. "It's not." Meredith crossed the room and back-hugged the one year older male. "It should be me, dropping out of school" she whispered but Jaxx sighed only louder. "No, Mer. You have a knack for cars and everything around them. I don't want you to drop out. You can't let Seokjin Han win like this."

Jaxx gently pushed Meredith off him and turned to look at her.

"Promise me you'll finish school with the best degree possible. Once you finished that go back home and do whatever the fuck you want to do. You deserve the world, Meredith Seo."

Meredith felt tears prick at her eyes. "Can you promise me this, baby girl?", he asked and Meredith nodded. "Y-Yes, I can" she whispered and Jaxx tilted his head, grinning at her like a Labrador.

"If you're skipping school anyways... wanna help?"

Meredith nodded and threw her backpack on Jaxx's bed. Together the two of them cleared out the room in the span of a few hours. Once the last box was stuffed into Jaxx's car and the trunk was closed the young man leaned onto it, looking at Meredith.

"I wish I could've done more for you, Mer." He looked at her, but Meredith shook her head. "I wish I would've befriended you sooner. And not just when my boyfriend cheated on me." She snickered and Jaxx sighed. He grabbed her hands and pulled her closer to him.

"I wanted to tell you this for ages, but I never got the courage to" he shook his head, "and now I'm leaving and I'll probably won't see you again... but I need this closure." Meredith tilted her head and looked at Jaxx with a confused look in her eyes.

"Jackson" she started but he shook his head. "You don't need to give me an answer, because I already know that you only like me as a friend and that your heart is still wandering—searching—for a place to put its anchor down" he paused and looked into Meredith's face. "But I just wanted you to know that I had a crush on you since sophomore year when you turned in that essay about why tuning cars shouldn't be illegal."

Meredith widened her eyes, but Jackson only chuckled. "You really caught my attention with that and not only that, I was absolutely enamored by you. But I was always too shy to ask you out and then you started dating Seokjin Han so I basically thought I had no chance."

"I never knew" Meredith said and looked at Jaxx. "It's okay, Mer. I just wanted to tell you so I can finally move on. Thank you for being such a good friend these last few weeks. I appreciate it." Jaxx pushed himself off the car and went around to the drivers seat.

Something in Meredith clicked. She knew what she was about to do was stupid, but she couldn't let Jackson go without trying it at least. "Jaxx!", she called and grabbed his wrist, pulling him into her chest.

His brown eyes widened in surprise, as Meredith wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled him down to her. Heat rushed into her cheeks as their foreheads touched.

Meredith knew she shouldn't kiss someone she didn't love. She shouldn't kiss someone she didn't love because she would give away a part of herself. A kiss is one of the most intimate things you can do with another person.

From one kiss, a person knows, what ones fears are. They know your worries, your joys your past, your future. They see things, they feel things and they know your hurts and struggles and how you view yourself.

Yet, Meredith couldn't help herself. In a rush she pressed her lips onto Jackson's. It was messy, it was uncoordinated and it was chaotic. Jaxx's hands moved to Meredith's waist and pressed the soft skin tight. Meredith let out a gasp, breaking their intimate contact for a second, before pressing her lips onto Jaxx's again.

His lips were warm and soft. They parted slightly, allowing Meredith's tongue to slip inside. Their bodies were pressed together heatedly against the car, breathing heavily as their lips were pressed together.

Meredith could feel Jackson gently lift her up the side of the car and she automatically slung her legs around his torso. A grin left Jackson's lips. He mischievously let his tongue move over Meredith's parted lips.

And just like that, Jaxx gently put Meredith down and took a step back. His ears were glowing and he had a dark red hue covering his cheeks. Meredith bit her lips. She knew it was selfish of her to kiss someone she had no romantic feelings for, but in that moment it felt right.

"I'm sorry I can't like you the way you like me" she started and gently let go of Jaxx's hands. "I wish you the very best for your future and that all your dreams will come true. No matter what those dreams are. I wish you find a girl who'll treat you better than I ever could and that you'll be happy, Jackson Miller. You deserve to be happy."

Jaxx looked at her. "Thank you, Meredith. Thank you for that goodbye present and for being my friend. I wish you become the happiest and bestest version of yourself and that you find someone who doesn't treat you like shit. You deserve the world and more."

They didn't hug.

Meredith stepped onto the sidewalk and watched Jaxx climb in his car. She watched the car leave until his headlights disappeared into the distance. And just like that Meredith had lost the last person she cared for in Australia.

— ❤️‍🩹 —

Three months later...

Meredith Seo's heart was beating faster as she pushed the luggage cart towards the exit of Chicago O'Hare International Airport. It had been the toughest three months Meredith had ever lived through but here she was—back at home—with a fantastic bachelors degree in the palm of her hands.

She pushed the cart out of the exit and looked around, locking eyes with her parents. "Ma! Pa!", she yelled pushing the cart faster until she reached her parents. Letting go of the cart she ran over and hugged her parents.

"I'm so happy to finally be back for good!", Meredith let out and looked at her parents. Tears welled up in her eyes as Mrs. Seo put her hands onto Meredith's cheeks. "It's so good to have you back, my sweet daughter" she spoke and pressed a tender kiss onto Meredith's forehead.

Once her mother let go off her, Meredith turned to her father who pulled her in a tight bear hug. "We're so proud of you, Meredith" he said, ruffling the honey-blonde curls of his daughter. "Thank you" she whispered.

Mr. Seo went to get the luggage cart, while Mrs. Seo linked her arm with he one of her daughter. "You worked so hard, you can take a bit time off and look for a proper job in the meantime" she started as they slowly walked through the airport to the car park.

"Yeah, I think taking a bit of time off would sound lovely now. Sleeping in, taking my car for a ride, gosh, how I missed being here." She smiled brightly. "Maybe I can travel a little bit until I found something I want to do" she said and her parents chuckled.

"Where would you like to travel, love?", she asked. "Hm, I'd like to see London for once. Mark has only said great things about the U.K." Mrs. Seo chuckled. "Sounds like a plan, but maybe you should stick to your country for the time being."

Meredith looked at her mother, confusion lacing her eyes. Mrs. Seo ignored her.

They soon reached the car and started putting all of Meredith's belongings in the trunk of the Range Rover. Meredith was surprised she only needed four big suitcases for all her belongings. When she was packing up her stuff, she looked through her stuff and donated a lot of her clothes and books that she didn't needed. But most of her souvenirs and knick-knacks she got from all around Australia were neatly packed in one of the suitcases.

Once everything was in the car and Mr. Seo took away the luggage cart the Seo family started driving home. Meredith was sitting in the backseat chatting to her parents about her adventures in Australia.

"Can you imagine?", she asked, "I come back from Australia with zero friends and no boyfriend. The last three months were wild!", she threw her arms in the air and her father looked at her from the rearview mirror.

"You know, Meredith" he started, "maybe you weren't supposed to be friends with these kids. Maybe they weren't meant to be lifelong friends. I mean look at you and Mark! You're oceans apart and still the bestest of friends."

Mark.

Meredith felt bad. She hadn't told Mark anything from what happened to her after coming back from Hawai'i to her moving back to Chicago. She knew Mark was allowed to know what was going on, but Meredith hadn't found the time to speak to him yet.

A sad sigh left her lips. Mark was almost done with his bachelor. And how Meredith knew him, he would probably do his PhD in literature. This meant he would be in the U.K for another two to three years while Meredith would start working.

She looked at her hands. She had teal nail polish on her fingernails; it was already cracked and didn't look as pretty as it was supposed to. Meredith took a deep breath.

"Yeah, Pa, you're right. Mark and I have overcome so many things. He's my true friend."

Meredith's smile didn't reach her eyes and she stayed quiet for the rest of the travel home. Once home she helped her parents carry all her luggage up to her bedroom. She told her parents she wanted to rest for a while and she'll be downstairs for dinner.

Once her bedroom door was closed, she laid down in her bed and curled into a ball. She missed Mark. Especially now that she knew she had a lot of free time and could easily travel to the U.K. and visit him.

She lost Seokjin.

She lost Jaxx.

And for some odd reason it felt like she was losing Mark too. She glanced at her phone. The two of them has just texted a day ago. Mark had send her a TikTok and the two of them had discussed it.

She clicked on his display picture and a sigh left her lips. Her thumb went over his picture and she sighed even louder. "I miss you" she whispered, locking the phone and pushing it under her pillow.

— ❄︎ —

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠!

𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞.

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

—𝕤𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕗𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕞𝕪𝕝𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕠𝕡