RECAP:

What the heck, why is he waiting for me? And why does he have to be standing outside my only mode of transportation from floor to floor? I walk to the lift, composing myself silently. I stand outside it and press the button, waiting for it patiently. The door opens and Courtnee gets in. I follow after her but Tashard sticks his arm out and places it along the lift, barring me.

"Shanae listen, I'm so-"

"Can you move your arm please?" I whisper quietly, looking at the floor to avoid eye contact. He sighs.

"Shanae, just hear me out."

"No, Tashard." I say roughly looking up at him. He looks so sad and tired. His blemish free chocolate face is ruined by dark circles and red eyes. "Now, can you move your arm? Please." He stares at me hard and then looks away and slowly puts his arm back to his side, defeated. "Thank you." I say kindly, smiling at him even though he's not looking at me. I step in and press the button, the doors immediately closing. I completely forgot Courtnee was in there too. I turn to her.

"Sorry you had to see that." I apologise. She waves her hands in the air dismissively.

"Oh no no, it's okay. I see you've been through a tough time with, erm, Tashard?" she questioned his name. I nod. The doors open and we walk out.

The next lesson is a blur, so is break. Me Courtnee and Sharnell were just chillin' in the cafeteria eating our food. But bare people came to me and started asking questions about my disappearance. I couldn't tell them anything so I just shooed them away. The next three lessons (Maths, English, Economics) went incredibly slow. And I was absolutely starving by the start of English. My stomach was rumbling so much in Economics. When the bell went, I was the first one out.

I went to the cafeteria and got myself a chicken mayo sandwich. After I finished that, I ate some Oreos and went outside to find the girls since they hadn't come in yet. I ended up straying to the sports center and I don't know why. Oh my days. What the heck is wrong with me? Why did I come here! This is the place me and Tashard used to hide from Sharnell when we were playing hide and seek in Year 7. I was about to turn around when a hand came around my mouth tightly, and picking me up, pulled me into the building.

END OF RECAP

Fear captured my soul and I started thinking terrible thoughts. Who is this? What do they want? Are they going to kill me? As these thoughts tormented me, I fought to be free harder. I squirmed around harder and scratched at their hands as one was around my mouth and the other around me stomach. I sobbed silently as the fear for my safety rose. They carried me further into the dark derelict building. It was empty as all the P.E teachers were out eating lunch. We went through two double doors into what I assumed is the boys changing room. The lights here were off too. I continued to squirm and wriggle around and he let go of me, dropping me onto the freezing rock hard floor. I scrambled onto my hands and knees panting heavily as tears streamed down my face. When they picked me up at the door of the Sports center, I dropped my crutches so right now, I couldn't stand. It was so dark in here and I felt so lost. Suddenly, the lights turned on and I whipped around, falling from hands and knees, to a sitting position.

Tashard was standing by the door with his hand on the light switch. He had on a dark grey bandana around his mouth. He slowly pulled it down revealing his pink lips and neat moustache (A/N: I think that's how you spell it). He put a key in the door, locking it. He walked to me slowly, and towered over me. I cried harder, closing my eyes. This reminded me of when he towered over me when he dragged me behind the bin. Flashes of that moment fluttered through my head and I closed my eyes tighter, waiting for the thoughts to leave my head. I never knew what he did had traumatised me so much. His footsteps were getting closer to me. This frightened me more and I pulled my legs up to my chest, put my head in my lap, covered my ears with my hands and started rocking back and forth, with my eyes still closed and me still bawling. The footsteps suddenly stopped and I anticipated in my mind, what would happen next. I stopped rocking but still cried, waiting for something to happen. Without notice, strong arms wrapped around my whole body and gently put me on one of the benches in the changing room. I was still curled up when I got picked up. I opened my eyes and took my hands away from my ears. Slowly, I lifted my head up.

Tashard was staring at me with fear in his eyes. Why is he so scared? I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. He sighed and sat down next to me. He looked at the floor and twiddled his thumbs. He turned to me. His eyes were filled with sadness and pain. It hurts me to see him as such a wreck. "Look, I'm so sorry. I really am." He started, his voice full of remorse. He put his hand on my knee and I flinched.

"Why'd you lock the door?" I questioned.

"It's the only way I can talk to you without you running away." He replied.

"Well can you please unlock it?"

"No, because you're gonna-"

"Please! Please unlock it! Please, I'm begging you, just unlock it."

"You know I can't do that."

"I don't feel safe. Ever since you did what you did, I've been afraid of everything, including my boyfriend. Please, just let me leave!"

"Shanae, I can't, not yet."

"Open the fucking door!" I scream, crying. "I'm living in total fear because of you! I might put on a brave face and act like nothing is wrong, but I'm scared! I'm freaking terrified! I can't go outside without thinking about what could happen to me. Not one minute, not ONE has gone past, where I haven't thought about what you did and how much you hurt me! If you could have at least taken one minute, just one, to think about what you were going to do to me, I would have never been like this! If you would have thought about me at all before you did what you did, you wouldn't have done it, would you? I can't get the memories out of my head, and its driving me crazy!" I ranted.

"Shanae, I'm sorry!"

"Fuck you, you fuckin' piece of shit. I fuckin' hate you." I said in a low voice filled with venom.

"Oh my days. Shanae, if I knew it would have affected you this bad, I would never have done it, I swear. I'm so sorry I hurt you. You know I would never hurt you, girl, I would never." He stood up hastily and knelt down in front of me. "You mean so much to me Shanae. We've been friends from day, I never want to lose you. You're the one person in my life that I was sure would always be there for me and always be with me." He stood up and chuckled sadly to himself while turning away from me slightly and looking up to the ceiling. He looked back at me seriously and his eyes were watering. "And now after what I've done," he paused. "I'm not so sure anymore". He continued, his voice cracking a little. It felt like my heart was put through a shredder, it hurt that bad. He came close again and knelt down once more, holding onto my left hand. He has got some nerve. He was holding on tightly, so I couldn't take my hand back, but his hands were shaking. He stared at my hand, drawing circles on the back of it with his thumb. He looked me in my eyes. "Please tell me you're ready to have me as your friend again Shanae. Tell me we'll be close again. I need you with me again, I can't bear not calling you 'Sam'. Calling you Shanae makes me feel like an outsider and makes it seem like I haven't known you for as long as I have or known you like that, when I have known you for long and I do know you like that. Please tell me you forgive, Shanae. Please." He looked into my eyes pleadingly. A tear escaped his eye. I then started crying again. I looked down at his hands encasing mine. I then put my right hand on top of his and drew circles with my thumb. I looked at him.

"I don't know. I'm not sure I can do that." I reply quietly. He whisks his hands out of mine and stands up furiously, pacing around the changing room. He grunts loudly, clearly stressed. He punches the wall aggravated. He then walks back to me. He doesn't even look angry, he looks hurt.

"You don't know? You don't FUCKING know?!" Okay, I take that back, maybe he is angry. The venom he spat out when he said that made me understand clearly. I cried hard.

"You don't know how much you hurt me Tashard!" I retaliated sobbing and stuttering. I looked away from him at the floor in front of me. I felt him staring at me and felt extremely uncomfortable. My eyes darted around the floor, trying to divert my attention from him and trying to avoid making eye contact with him. He sighed heavily.

"Yeah. I don't." He came and sat next to me again. He shuffled around but I couldn't see what he was doing. "Look at me." he instructed in a gentle voice. I stayed fixed in that position. "Shanae. Look. At me." he repeated in a harder voice. He gently took my chin and turned my head to him. He was sitting on the bench, leaning on the wall it connected to. He had his legs tucked up to his chest. "I don't want to keep thinking that you'll forgive me for what I did to you. I don't know how bad it got so can you tell me please? So if you reject me, you'll have a valid reason and I'll see where you're coming from." He looked at me with sincere eyes.

"Tashard, I'm not sure you really want to hear." I try to weave my way out of telling him.

"No. I have to hear it. I have to know what I've done. I need to know how much I really hurt you."

"It's gonna be detailed and awkward."

"I'm ready for it." He stated bravely. I stared at him. I shook my head.

"Well, okay." I told him everything, in detail. My fear and curiosity when he wouldn't let go my arm. The pain when he punched my stomach. The worry I felt when he started to take off my clothes and his belt. The sting of the whips. The force of his kicks. The searing pain that powered through my head when he smashed it on the floor. Everything. I told him about everything that happened with my brothers and what Trey did to me, and lastly, about me moving in with Reuben.

"Listen Shanae. You do not know how much guilt I have been feeling since I did what I did. I really wanted to end my life sometimes you know. I just couldn't deal with the fact that I beat you so bad that you were in hospital. I'm so so so sorry Shanae. No matter how many times I say it, you will never know how much I mean it and am. Sorry if this makes me sound like I'm trying to tear you two apart, but Reuben ain't the one for you. Babes, you gotta listen to me when I say that dude is no good. He's dangerous Shanae, like proper dangerous. He's hurt so many people Shanae. I care about you too much and I don't want you to become his next victim." I didn't know what to say, I was absolutely speechless. I just open and closed my mouth like a goldfish. "I already tried telling you how evil he is, you know, about him wanting to rape you. I know it's a personal question, but, did he?" He asked.

"No, he didn't rape me Tashard." I reply, sighing.

"So you gave it up? Wait, so you didn't go crying to him about what I did?"

"No, of course I didn't give it up! You should know that I wouldn't. And no, we haven't even talked about what happened, he hasn't asked, so there's no point."

"So he didn't try rape you?"

"No, but he did try have sex with me."

"And did you?"

"What? No! Are you not listening to the words coming out of my mouth, T?" I asked in disbelief. He just smirked at me. "What?" I asked. He continued smirking. "Whaat!?" He chuckled.

"You called me 'T'." He replied smugly. I let out an exasperated sigh. "Yeah, you see your fault in doin' that." He smiled while biting his bottom lip. "You still want me in your life" he paused. "Innit?" He said. I stared at him, my throat dry. He scooted closer to me. "Innit, Sam?" He got so close, our noses were almost touching. His eyes wandered all over my face, landing on my lips and then straying up to my eyes. He was still smirking. He stared deep into my eyes, his gorgeous light brown eyes, blazing with love, passion, care and lust. He put his arms around my waist, resting his hands on the small of my back. It was almost like he was leaning on me. My right hand rested on his shoulder and my left wandered from his belt, up his body. I ran my hand up his abs and over his sculptured pecs. My hand found its way to the back of his neck. He removed his right hand from my back and did what I did. He ran his hand up my body, from my waist, up over my left boob, cupping and squeezing it gently. My heart rate and breathing accelerated when he did this. My legs opened wide as I placed each foot outside his thighs, giving him space to move in closer. He moved in till I was sitting on him. With one of his hands around my neck and the other on the small of my back, he leaned in and I leaned in too. His stomach was right on my parts and I felt something hard under my bum. It didn't take a genius to figure out what it was. I intentionally grinded on him, causing both of us to moan lightly. Our lips touched briefly and he pulled away. I looked at him perplexed. He smirked and stood up. "I knew you'd still want me in your life." He said. I had nothing to reply with. I suddenly felt naked and closed my legs while pulling my blazer tightly around my body. I looked at the object that was protruding out of his school trousers and immediately felt embarrassed, guilty and ashamed. He pat it and it was no longer visible.

He unlocked the door and came to me with his arms out. "Well. Are you coming?" I sat there unable to talk. I reluctantly gave a weak nod. I put my arm around his neck. He supported me by holding onto my waist. Slowly, he carried me to the door, turning the light off. We made it to the entrance of the sports center and he picked up my crutches. I hoisted my bag onto my arm and used the crutches to walk out of the sports center.

I got odd looks from the boys around the sports center who were playing basketball. Once they saw me, they stopped and stared at me in confusion and shock. They then started smirking at something behind me. I turned around slowly to see Tashard behind me tying his tie and doing some of his buttons. What the heck? They weren't undone before. Wait. The little-ooh. I see what he's trying to do, the little wasteman. I suddenly felt embarrassed and proceeded to walk faster. "What the-Shanae?" I look up and Sharnell and Courtnee are about 10 metres away from me. I stop walking and they walk towards me. At the same time, those boys are walking to me. One of them, a darkie, talks. "Ay, what did you two do?" Another speaks. "Yooooo-you did the ting!" I was absolutely astounded. My mouth open and closed like a fish A-GAIN and I just closed it, not wanting to look like an idiot. "Ay Tashard, you left her speechless my boy!" One of them says. They all laugh, including Tashard.

"Er Shanae, what did you do?" Asks Sharnell, eyeing me up and down.

"Nothing." I say quietly.

"Nothing? Shanae, look at your skirt." Replies Sharnell. I looked at her perplexed.

"My-my skirt?" I question.

"Look at it." She instructs. I slowly look down to see that most of the front of my skirt was folded up over itself. You could see all of my thighs and all of my shorts. Oh my days, how embarrassing! How could I not feel that?! I hastily pull my skirt into the correct position.

"Well..." says Sharnell.

"Well what?" I reply.

"Well what did you do?" she asks pointing a finger back and forth at Tashard and I.

"I-I-I didn't do anything." Really Shanae? The stuttering was really convinving.

"Didn't do anything? Why was he buttoning up his shirt and why is he tying his tie?"

"I don't know." I said more convincingly this time. She stepped closer to me. She studied my face and furrowed her eyebrows.

"What? I asked.

"Were you crying?" Once she said this, Courtnee followed her lead and came to study my face.

"Oh yeah. I see that. She has the tear marks. They're faint, but you can see them." Says Courtnee while Sharnell "mmm"'s in agreeance. They then have on looks of anger.

"Oi, what did you do to her?" Shouts Sharnell, staring at Tashard. He stays silent.

"Did she not ask you a question. It wasn't rhetorical, so answer!" says Courtnee angrily. Tashard just laughs. "Does it look like I'm laughing?" says Courtnee. Tashard carries on chuckling and she looks so mad right now. "You know what, I've frickin' had it." she says lowly. She storms over to him. She grabs both his shoulders, lifts up her right leg, stretches it out behind her, and brings it forward and up, kneeing him extremely extremely, extremely hard, in the penis. He does this weird "oomf!" sound when her knee connects with his manhood. His hands automatically go to his manhood and he crumbles onto the floor, into a little ball, caressing his bits. "That's what you get, you fuckin' prick!!!" shrieks Courtnee. It's her first day, and she's already kneeing man in the balls! All the boys "ooooh" and cover their mouths. As Courtnee walks back to us, the boys watch her in awe, while shielding their manhoods with their other hand. She smiles at me. "Let's get you fixed up, shall we?" she says linking her arm in mine. I nod and we walk to the girl's toilets.

IN THE GIRL'S TOILETS

"Oh my days, that was so fun! I should do that more often." says Courtnee.

"What? Kneeing man in the balls?" asks Sharnell. Courtnee nods. "Yeah, that did look like fun, actually." says Sharnell. They continue talking and I clean up my face, sitting on the blue marble sink place. I finish and the girls are still talking. I zone out, subconsciously blocking the sound of their voices from my ears. I think back to my encounter with Tashard. Do I want him back in my life? Do I really? I know he hurt me immensely, physically and emotionally, but he is still the ultimate best friend. I love him to death, I do. He hurt me so much, and I do miss him, but am I willing to give him a chance to repeat it all again?

"Shanaaaaae? Hellooooooo?" A hand waves in my face.

"Yes?" The hand disappears and the girls come back into view.

"Oh, okay. Just making sure you were still there." laughs Courtnee. I laugh.

"Lol, Courtnee!" I say still laughing. We finish up in the toilets and decide to wander around the school. My school is jarring, so we aren't allowed to go outside school at break and lunch like the Year 11's before us did, so we just walked around talking.

"Where were you guys?" I asked.

"The question is, where were you?" asks Courtnee. I laugh and they join in.

"Nah, nah, but seriously. What were you doing with Tashard?" asks Sharnell.

I groan. "I really don't wanna talk about it Nell." She nods. We walk in an awkward silence.

"So, where were you?" I ask.

"Oh, I had Geography." says Courtnee.

"And you know I had dance." adds Sharnell. I nod.

"What happened between you and Tashard?" Asks Courtnee. "Like, in the past?" Oh crap.

"I just, really don't want to talk about it right now, okay, Courtz?" I reply quietly. She looked at me smugly and then pulled me into a tight hug.

"Aww! You called me 'Courtz'! You've already given me a nickname! Aww, I can tell we are gonna be the best of friends!" She exclaims happily.

"Yeah, sure!" I reply. We make our way to the last lesson. After that is done, I make my way to Reubens.

I notice that Courtnee is on the same bus as me and I go and sit next to her.

"Hey!" I say smiling.

"Oh, hey! You get this bus?" She asks.

"Er, yeah. For now. Where do you live?"

"Oh, I live on Heckford Estate."

"Oh, swear! I'm living there right now."

"Right now? Are you not living there permanently?"

"Well, no. I-"

"Why not?"

"I'm just staying there while I sort some things out."

"What things?" My gosh, this girl is curious.

"Er, I'll tell you later."

"I'll come over yours. Then we can talk about this AND what happened between you and Tashard. Yeah?" I smile at her.

"I would like that." She smiles. "But I'll have to check with my boyfriend first." I inform her. Her eyes lightened up.

"Ooh, a boyfriend yeah?"

"Yeah." I laugh.

"May I ask who this fine gentleman may be?" I laugh again.

"Reuben." I reply. Her eyes widen.

"As in Murder?" She asks, referring to his tag.

"Haha, er, yeah." She covers her mouth.

"Oh my gosh! You're going out with Murder! Murder's your man!" She exclaims. I nod. "Whaat! Nah, nah man! You're so sweet and gentle and cute, and Murder is dangerous, and threatening and intimidating, so I've heard. How did you two come together?"

"I don't know actually." I shrug and press the 'stop' button.

"Oh."  The bus stops and we get off, making our way to the estate.

We walk to the lift and I press the button. I take out my phone and call Reuben. He doesn't answer. I shrug and the lift doors open. "So...can I come in?" asks Courtnee as we stand outside his flats door.

"I don't know." I open the door and ask Courtnee to stand outside while I ask. I call into the flat, but no one answers. When I notice he isn't in, I allow Courtnee in. I lead her to the living room, texting Reuben "Hey babe. I hope you don't mind, I let a friend into your yard, and we're gonna chill for a bit. I would have told you in person, but you ain't here, aand you didn't answer my call. Love you, stay safe. xxx" I walk into the kitchen. "Do you want some KA Courtz? It's the fruit punch one." I call.

"No thanks."

"Alright." I get my drink and finish it. I walk back to the living room.

I sit next to Courtz and tell her what happened, missing out what happened at lunch today. "So that's why you don't like him anymore?" she asks. I nod. "Wow. Man put his hands on you, got your brothers to put their hands on you and Murder, and forced you to be scared of everything. Damn, that nigga bad." I laugh.

"Yeah, I agree." I comment. I move on the chair a little."Ah, shit." I moan.

"What's wrong?"

"The pain is still there. After all, it was just yesterday." she nods.

"Soooo..."

"Soooo..." I reply looking around.

"What happened between you and Tashard today? And don't say it was nothing, cos nothing ain't a girl coming out of a sports centre with her skirt up, and a boy behind her doing up his buttons and tie." Shit. Now that sounds dodgy.

"Er, well then." I stutter.

"Are you not going to tell me?"

"I will." I sigh, rubbing my forehead. "Uh, okay. Tashardtookmeintotheboyschangingroomandiwascryingandihadanemotionalfitandheaskedmetotellhimwhathedidtomeandididandthenwestartedtouchingandwealmostkissedthat'sit." I said extremely quickly.

"YOU DID WHAT!?" Courtnee exclaimed. Oh boy. "You touched, and did WHAT!?" she exclaimed again. "Oh my days, Shanae! What happened to being sweet, gentle and cute!? You're a rebel!" I open my eyes.

"I am not!" I exclaim, taken aback by her words. I'm so shocked that I put my hand on my chest.

"You are! Who touches up and almost kisses the boy that beat them up, in the boys changing room!?" she defends.

"You did what?" I look up and Reuben is standing behind Courtnee, looking more angry then I have ever seen. Shit.

Heey y'all!!! Haha, I'm joking, I don't talk like that, I'm British. But if you do talk like that, *slow claps* I love you. Lol, anyway, crazy shit went down in this chapter. It gets crazier!!! Uhm, it might've been short, I don't know, cos I'm writing on my app on my phone so... Comment! Vote! Share, you better share! Follow me, I follow back! Look forward to more exciting and longer chappies in the future. If you are reading without a Wattpad account, MAKE ONE! Okay, byee!!!

Love from Samantha

xxx