Xiao Zhan

***

The next day I stayed home with Yibo since Seung-Youn will be coming along with Wooseok. I can finally talk to him and let him go.

"Zhan how are you feeling now?" Seung-Youn asked as he and I took a sit in the garden. Yibo is busy entertaining Wooseok inside. I took a deep breath before looking at Seung-Youn. With a sad smile I began talking.

"Seung-Youn you already know that I only have a month to live. So here I am finally letting you go. I can't see you hurting more so I'm setting you free." I wiped a few tears on Seung-Youn's cheek.

"Don't say that Zhan. I'm hurting because I love you."

"No listen to me please. I'm letting you go because I realize that I'm being unfair to you. I love you but not fully. My heart still belongs to Yibo up till now. It made me realize that I'm never gonna get over Yibo, that I'll still be loving him even if I'm gone. Now someone out there is waiting for you to notice them, someone who loves you fully. Go to that person Seung-Youn, he's waiting for you." I saw realization cross Seung-Youn's eyes. I think he figured out who's inlove with him.

We finally said our final goodbye's. Watching him leave made my heart ache but I know I'm doing the right thing. With that Yibo who's now standing beside me carried me to our room.

......

Weeks passed and now I can't even move much. I only have a few more days left till I leave this world. Even though I'm ready to leave my heart isn't. It aches a lot whenever I hear Yibo crying in the bathroom or at night when he thought that I'm asleep. It hurts that after a few days I'll no longer be here for him. That I'll be leaving his life permanently. The separation for a year was already painful but I can imagine what he'll be like when I'm buried six feet under.

"Zhanzhan as promised we are here in Japan. The cherry blossoms are in full bloom." I look outside and saw lots of cherry blossoms. This was one of my wishes that Yibo finally granted.
We'll be staying here for a week. Enough time for me enjoy Japan with Yibo.

"It's beautiful." My voice was barely audible now. I'm really weak so I can't speak loudly sunce it hurts my throat a lot. I would also suddenly have occasionally nosebleed which makes me feel weaker with the amount of blood I always lose.

"Alright I already rented a suite which overlooks this place. Do you want to rest or we go explore Japan?" Yibo brushed a few hair away from my face.

"Explore." With that Yibo and I walked under the cherry blossoms. It was so beautiful and it makes me feel relaxed. When night time came the ciry was full of colors. Food stalls are everywhere and there are a lot of people having fun. It makes me happy seeing all these people having fun. Holding Yibo's hands we walked side by side until we made it back to our hotel room.

Wang Yibo

***

Everynight I would wake up and lock myself at the bathroom. Zhan now only has 3 days left, with his condition I don't think he'll even make it to the third day. I already called Seung-Youn to at least inform him of Zhan's condition. While Haoxuan is busy preparing the place where Zhan will be buried once his gone. It's near midnight now and Zhan is sleeping so peacefully.

Rubbing his pale cold cheeks makes me cry more. His eyes have already sunken, his bones are already showing since he lost a lot of weight. He can't even move si much anymore so sometimes I would carry him or just push him on his wheelchair. Sesing him looking so lifeless really makes my heart ache a lot. Even though I want to spend more time with him I couldn't. It's really selfish of me to even wish for that when I know his hurting a lot already.

I've already prepared myself for the worsed before we went here in Japan. Because I knew that this will be our final destination where we are together. This will be the last time I can see the cherry blossoms with him. The last time I'll hear his laughter, his voice, see his beautiful captivating smile, that mole of his and his cute bunny teeth. The last time I'll be able to touch his face, kiss him and hug him.

"Yibo I'm really tired. I want to sleep already." Hearing his weak voice makes me want to cry already. His hands are already so called so I knew that it was time. It was time for me to let him get the rest he deserved. Gently carrying him I took a sit on the floor beside the huge window overlooking the beautiful cherry blossoms. I laid Zhanzhan on my lap wrapping the blanket on his cold body.

"Zhanzhan open those beautiful eyes of yours and look at all those cherry blossoms. I promise to always come here and see them with you. I promise to do all the things we used to do together. And I promise to love no one else but you Zhanzhan. Wait for me Zhanzhan. When the time comes we'll be together again." I said while trying to hold my sobs back. This is really hard for me. Saying goodbye to Zhan. It hurts and it makes me want to just lock myself up in my room.

"Yibo... Don't... waste your life with... loving only me. Go find... someone else." Zhan whispered as he caressed my cheek with his cold hands. I felt his wrist and cried more when I felt his pulse moving slower and slower as the time passed.

"I'll never do that Zhan. My heart belongs to you and only you. I'll never love someone else. Even in our next life you'll still be the only one I love." With that I kissed hin one last time. I felt him return the kiss for a few minutes before he wasn't responding anymore. His arms are limp on his side and there was no longer a heart beat nor a pulse.

"Zhan..." I wailed. I kept crying, sobbing and shouting while hugging Zhan's lifeless body. My Zhan is gone. He left me.

Fot the next few hours all I did was cry while hugging his cold lifeless body. That was until Seung-Youn and Haoxuan came. They both grab a hold of me while a few men came and carried Zhan out. I fell to my knees sobbing hard while Haoxuan hugged me tight. After a while we stood up and went out. We headed back to china with Zhan's body. When we arrived he was immediately taken away to prepare him for his funeral.

While I went back to our house and locked myself in our room. It still smells like Zhan which makes me cry more. That afternoon I fell asleep and dreamt of Zhan who looks healthier. He was dancing under the cherey blossoms while calling my name. The last thing I heard him say was thank you and I love you before I was woken up by Haoxuan. He told me that I slept through the day and that it was time for Zhan to be buried.

The only people present was me, Haoxuan, Wooseok and Seung-Youn. And as promised I buried Zhan under a cherry blossom tree. And as if the heavens can feel our grief the skies are also crying hard. As the three said their goodbyes I just stood there watching Zhan's grave. Until I was all alone. I knelt before Zhan's grave. My tears won't stop falling like a broken dam.

"Zhan my love you're finally free from the pain. I hope you are happy somewhere up there. Know this, I'll never love anyone as much as I love you. You are the light in my dark world. The light that gave me hope. The light that helped me to rise again when I felt like dying. Thank you for those happy years we've shared, those memories that we've made together. No matter what happens you and I are destined together. Fated for one another. Even if we were to be reborn or to be reincarnated you will always be the only one for me. Know that my love for you Xiao Zhan is forever. Till then my love."

I kiss his grave one last time before walking away.

Xiao Zhan I will always love you forever.

~~The End~~