Below the appropriate response of appreciation
is perhaps the abundance of praise
that is an expression of fear intentionally misrepresented.

Below is certainly a terse expression of thanks
mumbled with homopathic voice
as the workings of an ever shifting culture
lead one to try blending in as a chameleon of a cog.

Below both of these is surely the silence of feigned ignorance
being the self that is not obliquely selfish but certainly myopic.

Lower is the apology given in what is mistaken
to be an absolute expression of humility
but is in fact the gummed up mewlings
of a thing that longs for the total freedom
that comes from having lost all responsibility
for the perpetual moral failings of their existence.

Lower still or perhaps sidelong is an anger
for being expected to ingratiate ones self
as spurred on by the knowledge that all acts
are in fact a mirror of the commerce that dictates
every choked out hum in that licorice flavored
place of accounting held in every mouth.

But perhaps the worst expression of gratitude
is the sudden and relentless devotion
that crystalizes every adored quality
found in the provider that will never
survive the eventual realization
that all beings are separate and that admiration
is in fact little more than the coagulation of jealousy
such that the eventual shatter comes with cuts
and when the body fails to manifest marks of hurt
the rest will endeavor to spread that lack
across that which loved in blind devotion
and of course, as with all abundance of emotions,
it manifests as self destruction so that people
may know that this rowdy creature did not want
from a place of mistaken self importance
but simply an expression of emotional absence.

All this is required to express my sincere regret
for not being able to thank you
in the manner in which you deserved.
I didn't know how to repay an act of empathy
that saved me from dying without feeling
as I hurt others on the way to my noose.

Perhaps I should've simply bought
you a scented candle along with a premade card
that would express sentiments of Happy Birthday
through the use of a cat based pun.

That would've been better than making you think
that I would stalk you or hurt you or grab
and never let go even if you told me to.
But that's the kind of thing that happens
when one falls so deep into love
that they can't see the difference between gratitude
and the meeting of celestial forced per-ordained.

I still love you
and I think my thanks
should be the ability
to forget who I was.