i crawl to bed

up from the carpet

forcing my existence

onto one i hope will forgive

i grab what's warm

and the comfort eases tension

wordless sorrow and losses mourned

my tears give no more meaning but

i don't know how else to vent my rage

at the failures that make my life

this act of pure weakness is a risk

but they stroke my head languidly

telling me it's all right when i'm not

~

and I'm never but without my tears

i will become

the anger through my teeth

the fist in drywall

the judge blind to good deeds

i will be the sky fall

~

how much this comfort costs

i will never know

without care my losses compound

endless in that checkbook

i fear they will one day cash

~

gripping solid i breathe hope

remembering they count no debt

my emotional accounting is my own

they love me honest and share sweet rest

those demons who carved

my mental metropolis

made every freeway out of lava

i can cool blame down to obsidian

with the ease of love's tenderness