the way you study wood grain

and pick at gunk with the back of your nail

i wanna reach out and give

your hands something to hold

but those dark eyes never see me swoon

those lips are too full of scorn to kiss

and damn why do i keep hopehurting

turn those insults on me

yell at me for staring

a boy who wants to die

so much that you can say it without crying

.

i might take this to the grave

the tremble in my nights

your thick arrogance

my sick surrender

for an obedience you won't get

already yours

but you only see your shadow

he fucked and ran

and you talk of loss a year after

.

if we kissed

you'd fuck to feel

i'd love and pretend it's real

my sorrow a joke

already told by friends

they laugh at my crush

not knowing it's more already

but i'd rather keep you a dream

than lose the sight of your sweater

on my bad days

when your sexy glower brightens my sad

i won't lose that

not even for a month of being used

because when you're gone

whose back would i watch

to get over you