She never planned to fall in love with him but then one day she woke up and found herself irrevocably in love with him. In that moment she knew that this road would leave to two destinations, one ending with her being so heartboken that she forgets what its like to smile and one ending with her being so happy that she forgets what it feels like to feel pain. She was scared to death, not understanding the situation she was in once again, she promised herself not to fall in love ever again, she promised herself that she would build the walls around her heart so high that no one would ever be able to reach inside, then how all of a sudden those walls are on the verge of breaking and letting someone in once again? But you know what she did? She broke down those walls for him and that emotion she felt, she can't describe it but she felt a peaceful havoc being created within herself. She let her guard down for him and this time she only prayed to God to never let her go through the same misery she went through. Days turned into months and were soon going to turn into a year but she felt like slowly and gradually he was leaving her side, roaming off to find another amuse. She noticed changes, he never called her anymore, he didn't show her off like he used to, he just used her as a sight of attraction and people asked her one question, Why don't you ask him about all of this? She smiled with tears in her eyes, interlocked her fingers and looked down. She had everyone looking at her to just utter the answer to that question, so she whispered in the tiniest scared voice "I'm scared of the answer i will get". And once again she found herself surrounded by the stares of sympathy which she so desperately wanted to escape. A start of a beautiful day which turned into horror for her, looking at him with his lips locked with someone else, his eyes showing the same affection that was once there for her and she felt her heart racing, she physically felt the pain, she forgot how to breath but she did not confront him, scared that he might leave her. How stupid of her, even after seeing all that, the only thing she was scared about was that he would leave her. Walking home she felt a liquid travelling down her face but she wasn't crying, at least she thought she wasn't. She crossed the road without looking at both sides almost hit by a car but the driver could not see a single trace of fear on her face. She numbly walked to her place and soon found herself staring at her reflection in the mirror. She touched her eyes first which were claimed to be his favorite feature about her, then her hand moved along to her lips that had been kissed by his multiple times but she was unsure whether they only belonged to her or not, she looked at her hair which had the privilege to be touched by his hand. The girl standing in front of the mirror was the same girl that she killed a few years ago but much to her dismay the same girl was back. She heard the car honking so she gathered herself up, made herself look presentable for him because even now his approval meant everything to her. She told herself to forget whatever she saw because at least he came back to her, at least he didn't let her go unnoticed. So she put up a smile and saw him walk through the door, she felt a lump growing in her throat but she swallowed it and kept the act going, walking to him she gave him a kiss filled with so much love yet so much pain, she moved back to see him and she saw guilt in his eyes for a second which was suddenly replaced by emotionless eyes. He moved her back and looked at her, it was then she knew she lost him. She stood there numb as she watched him walk out that door because he wasn't just walking out the door he was walking out of her life. As he closed the door she sat down on the floor with a thump and all she could hear was her loud heartbeat and the ticking of the clock. She repeatedly whispered for him to come back but the door never opened and he never walked in. She got up and rushed out the door running all the way to his house and as she walked in she saw him on the phone looking as distraught as ever, he got the news that the girl he once loved was laying down lifeless in the same place he left her. Yes, she did not survive, her heart was too broken for it to be fixed back but her soul still couldn't leave because it was still irrevocably in love with him, so she stood there watching him repeatedly curse himself and say how much he loved her out loud so she went and sat in front of him and smiled with tears and said " why didn't you realize that when i was alive?" but he couldn't see her, couldn't feel her because it was her soul and for once she didn't wish to be touched or gazed by him, she was empty and she felt light, just like that she walked into the light while her body was lifted down in the ground.