FELICIA'S POV

Amused at his humour too, I kept reading.

P.T.O
Lol, I'm not a drinker. I can only remember taking few drinks with My brother Emeka and his friends at a party where you'd have to shout to be heard.
They kept teasing me That I was acting like a seven year old so I felt like proving them wrong, at least for that day. So I drank three black bullets and hell I regret my actions till date!
I woke up the next day to see that a girl I could guess was sent here by my brother and his friends was laying naked with me.
Memories of what I did flashed leaving aches in my head.
I just had sex with a total stranger. For the first time bro.

If they thought I'd be happy because I just got laid, then jokes on them because this is sick.
I wouldn't blame them, blame myself.
To think of how teenagers and youths make sex look like a big deal.

I laughed at his Confession and kept reading.

"This is fun" I thought

..

Mockery
This is deeper than I thought. The way I spill things into this book, I hope one day I never misplace this book because I would run mad.
Exaggerating, yeah?
Honestly I don't know what I'd ever do, if I know someone got hold of this book.
From thirteen, I experienced this humiliation from fellow classmates and sometimes my teachers wouldn't disappoint their favorites.
They laughed at everything that gave them a reason to laugh.
The fact I have never been seen in a car, brought new clothes each term after holidays, brought provisions other than Garri and sugar or how I went to a teacher to explain how I was having wet dreams.
I knew I was growing, and they said it was puberty but it was scary to watch such puberty unfold right before me. Waking up to erections was just as embarrassing too so I went to the form teacher.
It was a mixed school. Day and boarding.
Let's call this the second big mistake.
He asked me to return to my dorm and I did just as asked. Only to be called out on assembly ground during morning devotion.
I felt like the earth should open and swallow me, honestly.
Everyone laughed at how ridiculous it was and some even screamed gay ass' maybe because I went to meet a male teacher. But if I had gone to meet a female teacher which was impossible, I'd be called what.
Hell, the whole term was messy for me.
My first experience of being publicly humiliated.

Disappointment
My brother was older with two years, and with the story I was told, while he was a year or so. My father cheated on my mom with a lady who was his lover, as fate would have it
She got pregnant, but he never heard From her again. Rumors had it that after birth she committed suicide, she travelled abroad and what have you.
In the act of restitution, he went to her family members to ask for forgiveness for not marrying her.
He claimed he loved my mother so much and whatever he had with this woman was a moment of pleasure that he bitterly regrets.
The Family of the lady confirmed that truly she gave birth to a son but the mother was in a better place.

If you ask me, that better place sounded like heaven, or even hell.
she slept with a married man .
The child wasn't given to him. As claimed by Igbo's, failure to pay her bride price gives you no ownership.

I'm glad Sha, I would've despised this  brother of mine so much.
I guess we all know he's the missing child, but I don't care.

Anger
It's an emotion I feel, and most times it's accompanied by it's sister, hatred.
Such powerful emotions and I've felt them more in the last two years of life.
I can't remember when I felt  angrier. When my father passed on shortly after my brother, or when he said he had a son with another woman, or when The Emeshile's son humiliated my mother and made her wash his clothes, his private wears not exempted. Yes, you read right. A boxer!

Heartbreak
A girl telling you, you ain't her type or cheating on you? Which would you prefer to have happened to you?
Omo, sorry o. But none was worth experiencing, especially when they came together in a package.
So, Mirabel was the girl my heart chose. At least for her, I was sure to do anything. This was during my healing process, after my brother left.
She was everything, so I thought.
She helped me heal from the pains, I won't lie.
Everything about her made room for giving myself a chance to be happy again. Till the day I decided to pay her a visit and found her kissing another. She claimed the reason she cheated was because I wasn't her type.
She literally cleaned my wounds to stab me again.
We sha left that stupid city and all the memories it gave.

Pain
I wasn't home at the time of occurrence, I was in that place I had waited to Leave for six years.
I was writing my final  Neco exam, and was getting ready to go home to meet my friends, family and the best friend I have in my brother. I can remember being very angry at him for missing to tell me about his admission into Football Academy, Awka.
I refused to hear sorry, till I felt it was unnecessary to remain angry.
During the last Visiting day, I asked my father and mother to tell him I was no longer angry, and would soon be home to practice with him and watch him play.
That was roughly three weeks ago.

I finished my exams earlier than expected, the happiness to leave here was shockingly reducing and I just felt rather tired of waiting for my parents. I knew the way back home and I could beg a teacher to help me sign before I could leave.

Fast forward to when I got home, and my father didn't even look shocked to see me with my luggage.
That old man sometimes forgot himself, I wouldn't blame him
Na old man.

After greeting, I went inside to rest.
My room, or rather our room didn't look the same. My brother had carefully changed the arrangements, making it look more manly.

So many sporting decorations and I couldn't help but smile at this young footballer's dream.
I opened his wardrobe and his clothes were intact, the only thing missing was his boots. He went to practice then.

I slept after going through our new looking room. I was feeling tired and could blame it on the two hours drive back home.
I wasn't sure if it was from my dreams or in reality but the noises heard were calling for urget attention.
I quickly went out, and a good number of sixteen teenagers or there abouts were screaming that my brother just died!

I swallowed a lump, if this wasn't tears rolling down my cheeks, I can't tell what it is. Damn..

Not possible, I ran as fast as my legssss could carry me.
I promised myself it wasn't him on that stretcher. I swore it couldn't be him..
The kind of pains I feel, remembering this, I wouldn't wish for my enemy.
They claimed he wasn't dead on arrival but the hospital rejected him because there was no card.
Shortly after,my father died.
As if the devil wasn't satisfied with the beautiful soul of my brother.

Phil

This is so sad!
Honestly, something has to be done about this.
This was exactly how my friend, Dafe died. The hospital refused to accept him even when it was a matter of life and death.
And now, his brother.. Emeka or so
Died too" I soliloquized.

I checked my time and time was half spent already.
If my literature or government textbooks could get all my attention like this note, then I'm surely getting over 400 in jamb.

One way or the other, I need to return this book. It means so much to him
A lot of memories have been locked in here, and the least I can do is return this book to its owner.
The only name I've been able to get so far is Phil.

I need to find Phil